every guitar string scar on my hand
“You absolute idiot.”
Sirius looked over at Lily, who was scowling at him.
“Can’t you see that he’s happy? Finally, he’s happy again after everything that yo-”
Lily paused, seeming to rethink her words.
“After everything that he’s been through.”
“So that gives him the right to go around shagging anyone he wants?”
“You do hear yourself right now, Sirius?”
“Stop talking about me like I’m some slag. I can commit to a relationship just as well as Remus.”
Mary raised a brow at him. “Sirius, I was your longest relationship, and we dated for 3 months in third year.”
“And what? Oliver Knight is boyfriend material?”
Lily sighed. “Sirius, frankly, it doesn’t matter what you think. Remus was happy, and you ruined it. Now go apologize, or get out so I can talk to him.”
Sirius hadn’t meant to ruin Remus’s mood. He didn’t know why he kept doing this. He wanted to be happy for Remus. Remus deserved the world and, if Sirius really admitted it to himself, Oliver Knight was one of the better blokes in the castle. He hadn’t meant to come down here and yell. All afternoon, he had told himself that he wasn’t going to sabotage Remus’s relationship. He knew he had no right.
But when he had walked into the common room and heard Lily talking about Will Campbell, he lost it. Oliver Knight was one thing, and Remus’s Henry another. But another guy? How many blokes had Remus snogged right under his nose? It wasn’t like he expected Moony to tell him everything, but he couldn’t have imagined that the whole time the boys would tease Remus about being a nun while he smiled shyly, he’d been rendezvousing with Ravenclaws in broom cupboards. And now he was picturing Remus in a broom cupboard with Will Campbell.
“Fine, I’ll apologize,” Sirius grumbled, heading up the stairs to their dorm. It would be empty save Remus - Peter and James were staying late in Hogsmeade, sneaking alcohol for their first party of the year.
As he climbed the stairs, he heard soft chords streaming through the door. Was Moony listening to records? He didn’t recognize the song - maybe it was one of Hope’s. He pushed open the door slightly, revealing Moony, legs crossed on his bed, playing a guitar.
Sirius’s mouth went dry. Remus’s brow was furrowed in focus, the guitar sitting comfortably in his large frame. Sirius watched as his slender fingers moved across the strings, picking at a melody Sirius finally recognized to be Moonage Daydream. Those fucking rings dragged against the wood, making a clicking sound as he played. It was the hottest thing he'd ever seen.
Remus’s eyes were closed. Was he playing from memory? Remus bit down on his lip, trying to figure out a chord, and Sirius’s eyes tracked as his tongue wet his lips. From where he was sitting, the sun shone upon Remus’s face, and Sirius could see the freckles that lined his cheeks. Sirius had always loved Remus’s freckles. They covered his nose and cheekbones, a light dusting that was almost magical. Remus glowed in the sun. Remus glowed wherever he was. He was the moon, always shining. In Remus’s presence, Sirius couldn’t think of anything else. He outshone every other star in the sky.
Sirius watched as Remus’s finger danced along the strings. And then he started to sing softly. Sirius had heard Remus sing before, quietly humming to Bowie in their dorm. But this was different. Remus’s voice was husky and soft.
“Press your space face close to mine, love.”
Did Remus sing to Oliver like this? Had he sang to Henry like this, late summer nights under the stars? Sirius selfishly hoped he hadn’t. He wanted to be the only one who saw Moony like this, unguarded in the afternoon sun.
That was the problem. Sirius didn’t want to share Moony. His Moony. He knew it was unfair to call Remus his. But he’d always felt like they were connected in a way unlike the rest of the Marauders. James was like his brother, but with Moony, he could be perfectly silent, and Moony would know exactly what he was thinking. He knew when Sirius didn’t want to talk, always ready with a spliff and a story. He wouldn’t bat an eye when Sirius would slip into his bed at night, knowing Sirius needed the comfort. Sirius needed Moony, needed his touch more than he did anyone else’s. Remus somehow stabilized him, made him feel alive when he was floating away.
He didn’t want Moony to sing to anyone else. He didn’t want him to share a bed with anyone else, or butter anyone else’s toast, or lie on the floor and listen to records with anyone else. He didn’t want Remus to take someone to their special spot on the Quidditch tower and he definitely didn’t want Remus locked in a broom cupboard with anyone else. Least of all Will Campbell, who was far too boring for Moony. Or Oliver Campbell, who was too gentle. Moony needed somehow to challenge him - he was, after all, the most stubborn person Sirius knew. He needed someone he could argue with, who would never bore him. Somebody who he could read his books to, someone who could understand his full moons, someone who knew how bloody hot he was even before sixth year. Somebody like-
"Sirius?" Remus looked at him, all soft curls and freckles and gorgeous brown eyes that blinked at him in confusion.
Oh, fuck. Sirius was in love with Remus Lupin.