Sides
(Y/n) awoke with a start as a knock sounded from the door. She looked around the room wildly, as if expecting someone or something else to be there. Another knock at the door finally shook her from her thoughts, causing her to throw the blankets off herself as she hurried to the door. She swung it open quickly, with a little too much force, making it hit the wall loudly.
“Shit! Sorry.” She muttered quickly, her thoughts still racing. “Didn’t mean to sleep, I-”
“Are you alright dear?” Molly asks worriedly, her eyebrows stitched together. “Sirius and Remus told me what happened, I won’t pry. It’s been a few hours since dinner, and no one’s heard a peep from you. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Oh.” (Y/n) takes a moment to breathe, unsure of how to respond. “I’m… I don’t know really, I think I’m alright though.” She assures Molly, giving her a small smile. “Sorry about missing dinner, I really didn’t think I was going to fall asleep.”
“It’s alright, I saved you a plate downstairs. I didn’t do too much tonight anyways, just a small casserole.” Molly waves it off. “They’re still waiting in the parlor for you, if you feel up for it. Don’t feel pressured to do anything that will… agitate yourself.” she says carefully.
“Right, yeah…” (Y/n) runs a hand through her hair, trying to quickly brush it back into place. “Which way to the parlor again?”
“All the way down the stairs, take a left, third door to your right nearest the exit.” Molly reminds her with a smile. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” (Y/n) says as she fixes her clothes. “Once again, so sorry about dinner. I’ll be sure to get there tomorrow.”
“Alright, well I’ve got to-” Molly gets cut off as a crash is heard down the hall. “Those silly kids, I swear if Tonks has them doing some stupid spell again… I’ll check in with you tomorrow, (y/n).” She quickly hurries off toward the sound of the crash as another occurs.
(Y/n) rushes down the stairs, adrenaline starting to fade as the nightmares fade fully into nothingness. As she gets to the bottom of the stairs she hears voices from the hall, talking rather loudly. Stopping just shy of the corner she listens in.
“We could always wait a little longer.” Sirius groans. “She didn’t look too good earlier, probably just lost track of time.”
“Or she just doesn’t want to see us…” Remus sighs. “We’ve been waiting hours Pads. I’d rather just head to bed.”
“You.” Sirius says bluntly. “You mean she doesn’t want to see, you.” (Y/n) hears him take a drink of something. “Which, even if that were the case, she’d still would like to know we waited I’m sure. Besides, what if she does want to come down here and we’re gone? It’d be like lying to her.”
“She’s the one who lied.” Remus retorts quickly, also pausing to take a drink. “She lied about the mirror, didn’t tell us about being able to read minds, and who knows what else she’s been lying about. You can’t just blindly trust people, Pads.” (Y/n) feels her heart drop.
“I’m not.” Sirius sighs. “But she deserves at least part of our trust by now, doesn’t she? She’s earned it.”
“By doing what? Sulking around?” Remus lets out a dry laugh. “We let her roam around, let her have her own room, she hasn’t helped us once.”
“She doesn’t need to.” Sirius takes another drink. “That’s not the goal remember?”
(Y/n) feels her cheeks getting warm with anger and embarrassment. Her fists balled up as she takes a step back, not wanting to know anything else. She turns to head to the kitchen as whispers swirl around her.
“You forgot didn’t you?” a familiar voice says from nowhere. “To them you’re nothing more than a means to an end. A pawn in their game.”
“Because you’ve always thought of me as anything other than a weapon, shut up.” (Y/n) mutters in response, shutting the kitchen door behind herself. “No need to pretend to care.”
“Pretend? You’re my blood, (y/n). Of course I care.” Voldemort tuts. “I can both care about you and discipline you. The two are not mutually exclusive. Besides, without me you’d have been murdered by the ministry when you were born. You’re special, and that scares them.”
“Special is just a nice word for abomination.” She retorts, finding the plate Molly had made for her, taking the foil off the top. “Your version of discipline is torture. Go away.”
“I see they’ve confused you.” his tone becomes more strained. “Don’t worry, we can fix that when you return.”
“No.” (Y/n) says, quicker than she could think. She freezes mid bite. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”
“No? No?!” Voldemort’s voice feels like daggers in her head now. “How dare you tell me no. After everything I’ve done for you? Fed you, kept you clothed, kept you alive! You’ll do as you’re told, as you’ve been taught, or I will make the ‘torture’ you’ve endured seem like child’s play. Next time you want to say no, just remember where I currently reside and whom I live with.”
(Y/n) feels the connection loosen, his voice fading into nothingness, leaving her to think on his threat. She looks down at the food and tosses it into the trash, no longer having an appetite. She shakily begins to wash the plate, the water burning her hands as she turns it to maximum heat.
“(Y/n)?” Sirius’s voice startles her, the plate slipping from her hand as she turns around. It shatters as it hit the floor near her feet.
“For fuck’s sake!” She shouts, her anxiety being quickly replaced by frustration. She quickly kneels down and starts gathering the broken pieces. “Sorry, I’ll clean it up.”
“Here let me help.” Sirius says softly, taking a step forward. She flinches as he crouches down.
“I said I’ll clean it up.” She snips. “It’s my mess.”
“It happens, it’s not an issue.” Sirius speaks quietly. He begins picking up some of the glass, conjuring a trashcan. “Here.”
“I don’t need your pity, I can do it myself.” (Y/n) grabs a piece of glass too tightly, slicing into her palm be accident. She drops it quickly, pulling her hand to her chest. “Damn it!”
“Let me see.” Sirius holds out his hand, waiting. “I’ll just worry more if you don’t let me see it, so if you want me out of your hair sooner, let me look.”
“Fine.” She reluctantly gives him her hand. After a few seconds she hears the sound of ripping fabric, before she feels cloth being wrapped around her hand. She looks at him confused. “Why not use magic?”
“Well, you can’t use yours so I’ve been trying to cut back using it myself.” He shrugs. “What’re you doing in here?”
“Molly left me a plate, I was hungry.” She lied easily. “Figured you two had gone to bed or something. Fell asleep by accident for a few hours, don’t expect either of you to wait for me.”
“If you were so hungry, why’d you toss the food?” He asks, pointing at the open trash.
“I.. I um…” she fumbles on her words, unable to find a good excuse. A quick sharp pain shoots behind her eyes, making her wince. “Stop asking questions.”
“(Y/n),” Sirius sighs, gathering the last of the glass. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but we’re trying to understand. We can’t do that if you keep lying to us.”
(Y/n) stands up slowly, looking away from him. She doesn’t say a word as she turns around, looking down at her hand. Sirius eyes her cautiously as he puts the trashcan back. (Y/n) shuts her eyes, muttering something to herself before she takes a deep breath and turns around.
“Am I really so hard to understand to you?” She asked him quietly, not looking at him. “Has it never occurred to you that I have no reason to tell you anything? Since I’ve been here my memories have been stolen and destroyed, I’ve been moved from one dungeon to a bright golden cage, I’ve been tortured with Unforgivables, and my own father has attacked me. Why would I show any vulnerability in a place that’s only ever been unsafe?
“I see the wardings and spells that you’ve put into place, including the ones that will nearly kill me to restrain me. I hear all the things everyone thinks about me, about each other.” (Y/n)‘s voice is shaky as she continues. “Why would I tell the truth when none of you ever do? You all pretend to be fine having me around, but I can hear you all wondering when the next shoe will drop. No one has even trusted me with knowing that Harry is going to be coming here before school starts. Too worried I’ll break, that I’ll lose it. But you want me to be truthful? No, you want me to be helpful? Wait, that’s not the goal though, right, Sirius?”
Sirius is too stunned to speak. (Y/n) huffs as she pushes past him and out the door. She pauses for a moment when she sees Remus staring at her in shock on the other side of the hall. They lock eyes for a moment, neither saying a word. She’s the first to look away, quickly going up the stairs, undoing the makeshift bandage.
(Y/n) tosses the cloth to the side, ignoring the stinging sensation on her hand. She makes it to her room quickly, slamming the door shut behind her. She drags a chair over and puts it in front of the door, angled just below the door knob. It doesn’t take long for there to be a knock at her door.
“(Y/n)? Can we talk?” Remus’s muffled voice asks. She watches as he turned the handle, trying to open the door but fails. “(Y/n) please, I know you overheard part of our conversation downstairs. We didn’t mean anything by it, we were just clearing the air.”
(Y/n) stays quiet, sitting down on her bed. There’s a soft thud sound outside the door, followed by the sound of something sliding. She looks at the door confused.
“You’re right.” Remus tells her through the door. “When we first let you up here, we wanted you to be helpful. We give you something, you give us something. And we are worried about you losing it. You said it yourself you’ve lost it before.”
(Y/n) flinches hearing his words.
“And we do have a goal. It’s not for you though, not entirely.” Remus sighs. “It sounds stupid, but we… we want you to be able to be yourself. Even if it’s just in this stupid place. And I know, what you’ve had to go through here, what you’re still going through… it’s not fair.”
(Y/n) sighs, standing up slowly.
“And I’ve been an ass.” Remus admits. “It was my idea to talk to you in the first place, to get you out of the cell. I want to trust you, but… I guess if anyone would understand it’d be you. I’m a werewolf, (y/n). I hear heartbeats the way you hear thoughts. It gets in the way sometimes, no matter how much I try to ignore it.”
(Y/n) moves the chair from the door, opening it up. She doesn’t say anything as Remus falls backward into the room, having been sat against it. The two of them stare at eachother in silence for a moment before she holds her hand out to help him up.
“I don’t mean to listen you know.” (Y/n) mutters after helping him. “You all have a habit of thinking loudly, I can’t always ignore it.”
“I’m sorry about yelling at you before.” Remus apologizes again. “About the mirror.”
“S’fine.” She shrugs. “Like I said before, I deserve worse than your anger.”
“Sirius was going to come up too.” Remus says awkwardly.
“I’m sorry about lying so much.” She blurts quickly. “It’s just… it’s the only way I survived growing up. Hard habits or whatever the saying is. I’m not used to this.”
“They really did do a number on you, huh?” Remus remarks. She freezes for a moment, looking down at her hurt hand.
“Yeah. I… I guess they did.” She takes a deep breath in. “I’m going to regret this…”
“Huh?” Remus looks at her confused.
“He’s in my head.” (Y/n) says quickly as the fire-like pain flares up behind her eyes. A wave of pain hits her hard causing her knees to buckle, sending her to the ground.
“Hey you don’t have to-” Remus tries to catch her but fails. He quickly crouches down. “You’ll just hurt yourself, stop.”
“I… I don’t want…” (Y/n) feels tears fall down her cheeks. “I can’t just do whatever he wants. I won’t!” She shouts, holding her head in her hands as the pain worsens. The whispers start swirling around her head.
“(Y/n) you need to stop.” Remus urges worriedly. “Talk about something else, anything else.”
“No!” She growls, swatting away one of his hands as he reaches for her. She manages to open her eyes, meeting his. “Let me help!”
“(Y/n)…” Remus looks at her eyes, panic running down his spine. Her eyes are bloodshot, her nose beginning to bleed. “Please stop.”
“You should really listen to him.” Her father’s voice rang out. “Stop trying to brute force your way through. It won’t work. Not without killing you.”
“Shut up!” She cried loudly, covering her ears. Remus backed up a bit.
“You think I’d have made a curse so easily broken?” Voldemort laughed loudly. “You were raised better than that, trained better than that. Just give it up, no matter what you do I’ll win.”
“(Y/n),” Remus said softly, gently placing his hand on her shoulder. “Please, stop. You’re hurting yourself, and you’re worrying me.”
“Look at how he pretends to care!” Voldemort barks. “Poor (y/n), to weak to help herself. You’re as disappointing as your mother was. I suggest you stop before you meet them same fate.”
“What?” (Y/n) asks stunned. “What does that mean?”
“I said you were worrying me.” Remus says confused. “I’m worried. You’re bleeding from your nose. Whatever you’re doing, it’s not going to help.”
“No, not you.” (Y/n) waves him off. She’s silent for a moment, trying to listen for her father, but is instead met with silence. The whispers melting into the background and the pain starting to subside.“Damn it!”
“Woah, hey what’s going on in here?” Sirius asks from the doorway, glass of scotch in one hand, bottle in the other.
“Curse.” Remus and (Y/n) both say in unison, the young woman flinching as she says it.
“Wanted to help.” She grumbles frustrated. “Turns out, not much help.”
“Okay, good.” Sirius smiles, turning toward his room. “Worried you two were fighting again. Heard yelling.”
“Are you okay?” Remus asks her, ignoring his drunk friend.
“Do we fight that often?” She asks confused. “And yeah, it goes as quick as it comes.” She flinches. “When I keep my mouth shut.”
“Right, sorry.” Remus lets out a sigh of relief. “Next time, more warning.”
“Sorry.” (Y/n) groans as she stands up, using the dresser as stability. “I um… I do think I just chose though.”
“Chose?” Sirius asks from the door, stopping in his tracks. “Chose what?”
“A side.” She looks at Remus worriedly. “Is that what I did?”
“Well… I guess yeah.” Remus looks at Sirius and then down at the bottle of scotch. “Did you bring more glasses?”
“No, but I could always just conjure some, why?” Sirius asks, a small smirk on his features.
“I think we all deserve a drink.” Remus says, helping (y/n) to her bed. “Any objections?”
“Merlin’s beard no.” (Y/n) says, gesturing to Sirius to come in. “Hurry before I change my mind.”
“Haven’t heard that one in a while…” Sirius jokingly mutters as he enters the room, shutting the door behind him. “Then again, was in Azkaban for a while. Not a lot of choice in there.”
“I’m sure you’ve had many happy partners.” (Y/n) says, taking the bottle from him as he gets close enough. She takes a big gulp of the alcohol straight from the bottle. She coughs lightly as it stings her throat. “Why’d I do that?”
“Drink from the bottle?” Sirius asks confused.
“No, why’d I do all of that?” She gestures toward the dresser area. “Choose a side, try to brute force, ow, the curse, fuck!” She grabs her head in pain.
“Worry about that tomorrow.” Remus says, taking the bottle from her and having a sip himself. “Tonight, we drink.”