Gryffindor Part
Remus was rarely stupid. In fact, Regulus might even say he was his second smartest friend (behind Dorcas, who was the brightest witch of their age). But sometimes, he gets a nasty reminder of Remus’ stupidity. And his obsession with Sirius.
“Just fucking think about it, would you?” Remus said, referring to his heinous plan to get the Black brothers close again.
“No,” Regulus said. He flipped the page in his book, only half reading. They were the only two in the Slytherin dorm room because Evan and Barty had gone out to smoke.
“He wants a better relationship with you.”
“No.”
“He loves you.”
Regulus laughed. “No.”
“He’s not as awful as you think, Reg.”
“Merlin, you really are obsessed with him, aren’t you?”
“It’s not about that,” Remus insisted, obviously a little annoyed at having to say that for probably the hundredth time that afternoon.
“What else could this possibly be about?”
“He misses you.”
“No, he misses you,” Regulus said. “You have been spending time with me and he’s jealous. He thinks this is the only way you pay attention to him. Either that or he feels guilty and wants to make himself feel better.”
“Oh, please.” Remus rolled his eyes. “You’re really thick sometimes, aren’t you?” Regulus wacked Remus with his pillow and finally put his book fully down. It wasn’t like he was reading it anyways.
“Remus, he left me. He said I was just like them. He hates me,” Regulus said. “I know you’re in love with him and want to have his babies or whatever, but can’t you just trust me?”
“Can’t you just trust me?” Regulus pursed his lips.
No, he wanted to say. I can’t trust anyone.
It was a pessimistic view, he knew this. But how could he think otherwise? The last person he trusted left him for dead.
“Look, there’s a party tonight. Just go and try to talk to him. It will be super low pressure and if nothing else, you can drink.” Remus looked desperate.
Regulus sighed. “Fine.” Remus’ face broke into a wide grin. “But! You owe me some candy. And a book. That muggle one you were talking about.”
His smile had not faded. Merlin, he reminded Regulus of James. “The Picture of Dorian Gray, okay. You’ll love it.” Remus nodded as he spoke. “You’ll have a lot of fun, too.” Regulus could barely hold back a grimace. He would not have fun at a Gryffidor party.
Regulus had almost backed out of the party about a hundred times and he had just started getting ready. Dorcas and Pandora were getting ready in their dorm as well while Barty and Evan mocked Regulus’ as he struggled. The pair had not received an invite because Remus claimed they would piss Sirius off. He was correct.
“Don’t wear rode, Reg,” Evan complained as Regulus looked through his wardrobe. “Everyone wears muggle clothes to parties, especially to the Gryffindor ones.”
“Plus you look hotter,” Barty said, with a mouth full of crisps. “And you want Potter to see all that.”
“I’m not going to impress Potter,” Regulus grumbled, not for the first time. “Remus wants me to talk to Sirius.” He rolled his eyes.
“Yeah and I still think that’s a bad idea,” Barty said.
“Which is why it’s not your choice.”
Barty ignored him. “You remember he literally abandoned you, right?”
“Barty…”
“He left you for Potter.” He spit James’ name like it was venom. “I still can’t believe you like him.”
“That’s not why he left,” Regulus insisted. He didn’t fully believe that, but in his bones, Regulus knew he would always defend his brother.
“Whatever,” Barty grumbled. They sat in awkward silence for a moment longer until Evan, who had been observing awkwardly, cut in.
“I still think you should wear muggle clothes,” he said. “Sirius often does wear muggle clothes, so it could be a bonding moment, you know?”
Regulus stood up and faced them. He was quiet for a moment. “If I wear muggle clothes, it’s for Sirius, okay? It’s not to get Potter’s attention.”
Barty smirked and looked like he wanted to say something that would make Regulus punch him. Evan was a much better friend and nodded. “Of course it’s not.”
Regulus frowned, but still started looking through his muggle clothes. He landed on black trousers and a black button up shirt. He buttoned it high, as if he were going to add a tie, but Barty kept insisting on unbuttoning the top. He tried to add a cardigan to make it more casual, but both Evan and Barty talked him out of it.
Regulus knew he was dressed far more formally than he should have been. If it had been a Slytherin or Ravenclaw party, maybe even Hufflepuff, then Regulus would have relaxed a little more. Maybe he would have worn that crop top Barty always said he looked hot in or jeans.
Regulus had just finished putting on his rings, which he rarely wore unless he was in muggle clothes, when Pandora and Dorcas walked into the dorm. They looked really hot, as they often did.
Pandora’s platinum locs were tied into two beautiful space buns. She had a long, white, flowy skirt and paired it with a tiny halter top. It was low cut, so it showed off all her cleavage. It was also short enough to show off her prized belly piercing. Dorcas was so incredibly jealous of it.
Dorcas was in the most traditional party clothes of the three. She had a short, black dress. It was a low hanging tank top, which would catch a lot of eyes. The only one she wanted, however, was Marlene, who would definitely be too drunk to notice her.
Pandora didn’t even pause as she entered, but rather walked straight to Regulus. She unbuttoned his shirt lower than Regulus had expected, but he didn’t argue. Part of him was hoping it might intrigue James, although he would never admit it.
“I like your rings,” Pandora said. “James will, too.” She smiled knowingly at him and walked away.
“Damn, Reg, you look hot,” Dorcas said.
“Thanks, Cas. You do, too.” A barely visible smile played on his lips.
Dorcas grinned and pushed her boobs up more. “I know, right?”
“Seriously, if Marlene doesn’t like you, come back here. I’ll treat you well,” Barty said, smirking wickedly. Dorcas laughed.
“Please,” Evan grumbled. “We both know you could never fuck a woman.”
“No, but I’d happily fuck you.” He winked.
“Well, we do have the dorm all to ourselves tonight,” Evan said. Barty stopped in his tracks, blinking and struggling to process. “I was kidding, Barty.”
A it took a couple more moments before Barty went bright red and cleared his throat. “Um, yeah. Right.”
“Okay,” Dorcas said, drawing the attention away from their awkward friends. “Well. Are you ready to go?”
It didn’t take them long to get to the Gryffindor party. It had seemed oddly quiet from the hall, but once the painting swung open, the noise was deafening.
Regulus didn't think it looked any more impressive than a Slytherin party or any of the other houses. The only notable difference was the muggle music blaring. It wasn’t something Regulus recognized, but it was so clearly not a wizard band. Everyone was also in muggle clothing. At Slytherin parties, less than half the people wore muggle clothing.
Regulus' eyes swept the room before he caught sight of ‘The Marauders’. They were talking leisurely against a wall and Remus seemed to notice them too. Regulus couldn’t tell what he said, but the other three snapped their attention to the Slytherins. Both groups started walking, silently agreeing to meet in the middle.
“Impressive silencing charm.” Was the first thing Regulus said. It was only the second thing he said to his brother in months and he hated that it was the only thing he could think of. But Sirius seemed pleased with the compliment.
“Thanks,” he said. “We figured it out together, it’s the most powerful silencing spell in the world. I could show you some time.” Regulus gave a non-committal hum. Regulus took the next few minutes of awkward silence to look at the group's outfits. He couldn’t help his curiosity.
Sirius had a dark outfit, which was where the brother’s similarity stopped. He had high waisted, tight jeans. It was paired with a crop top that said ‘Queen’ and had some sort of winged creature. Regulus could only assume it was some sort of muggle reference. His outfit was also adorned with silver jewelry. He had some rings on, like Regulus, but he had more necklaces, which Regulus had never worn before. He also had big black boots which he always wore, even before he left the house. Apparently Remus bought them for him one Christmas and they were really expensive.
Remus, who usually wore a sweater or cardigan, had a Bowie t-shirt on. It had the man’s face and his name underneath it. He had jeans on as well, but his were much looser and were cuffed at the bottom. He had matching boots.
Peter Pettigrew was standing awkwardly next to Remus. He wore a semi-loose fitted cream colored shirt. He had on jeans, like both the boys before him, but his were ever looser than remus’ and had holes in the knees. He wore a green, knit beanie and had strands of hair poking out. Also green converse. If he wasn’t such an obnoxious Gryfiffdor, he might have been mistaken for a Slytherin.
Finally, at the other end of the group, next to Sirius, James Potter stood in all his glory. Holy fucking shit. His outfit wasn’t as showy as Sirius’, nor as different from his usual style as Remus’. Still Regulus thought he looked obscene. He had a black shirt with a colorful logo. It had four men Regulus didn’t recognize walking down a sunny street. He had light wash jeans. He didn’t have any extra accessories or jewelry, but his outfit was by far Regulus’ favorite.
Regulus was sure he had been staring when Dorcas nudged him, drawing him out of his mind. “So,” she said. “Where can a girl get a drink around here?” Pettigrew took the opportunity to get away from the younger Black brother. Pandora and Dorcas followed him to the common room's makeshift bar.
“You don’t want a drink?” Remus questioned. Sirius seemed shocked at the implication Regulus had ever drunk alcohol. Regulus had to refrain from telling him how he had been drinking for years and wasn’t just a child anymore.
Instead of starting an awkward conversation, he turned to Remus. “I’m responsible for getting those two back to the dungeons tonight.” He glanced over to James for a split second. He seemed to be in a trance, looking at Regulus' outfit. He didn't know if he should feel self conscious or start showing off his objectively attractive body. “So I can’t drink tonight.”
“Not even one drink?” James questioned, although he didn’t look like he was fully there. His brain was on autopilot, doing what they were supposed to at a party. He was still staring at Regulus.
Remus laughed and Regulus shoved him immediately. Remus seemed, unfortunately, a little tipsy. “Regulus is a bit of a light weight,” Remus said between laughs. Regulus huffed and crossed his arms, not bothering to argue.
Sirius shifted uncomfortably. Regulus couldn’t tell if it was due to Remus and his relationship or because he’s talking about his little brother’s drinking. “A bit?”
Remus barked out a laugh. “Let’s just say, Regulus can’t be left alone when he’s drunk.”
Remus was referencing a story Barty loved to tell from the Lestrange wedding reception. Sirius had a very visible bruise, so their parents didn’t bring him. Although Regulus doesn’t remember much of it, Barty said he danced with anyone who would let him and almost outed himself to his parents. It was where Barty and he shared their first kiss, sloppy and drunk. That Regulus does remember. He called him James afterward, but Barty hadn’t understood that in his own drunk haze
Regulus makes a face. “I’m not that bad,” he said. “Barty was exaggerating.” Both James and Sirius made a face at Barty’s name, instinctively.
“Was Panda?” Remus asked. Then with even more laughter, “Was Evan?” Evan probably had the tightest grip on reality of the group.
“You know what, Remus, I think it’s time you go get yourself a drink.”
Remus smiled. “I’m not done with this one yet.”
“Go get a drink, Remus.” Regulus frowned deeply.
Remus laughed and walked towards the bar, downing the rest of his drink. As if it were muscle memory, Sirius started following him. Then he seemed to realize what he was doing and turned back to his brother.
It was more awkward without one of Regulus’ friends as a buffer. The music was still blaring, which was the only thing tethering Regulus away from a full panic attack.
“I like your outfit,” Sirius said, stiffly. “I didn’t know you had any muggle clothes.”
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” Regulus said. None of them said anything for a moment, not wanting to start a fight in the middle of a Gryffidor party.
“I like yours, too,” Regulus said, trying to ease the tension. “Is Queen some sort of muggle thing?”
“You don’t know who Queen is?” Sirius said, shocked. He looked utterly flabbergasted, turning his gaze rapidly between James and Regulus, not knowing what to say. “How was Queen not the first album you got him, Prongs?”
“So Queen is a singer?”
“Queen is a band,“ James corrected.
“It’s only the greatest band of all time!” he exclaimed. Regulus nodded. “Seriously, Prongs, how did you not get him a Queen album first?”
“I got him Ziggy Stardust. I figured he would like the same thing as Remus,” James said.
Sirius pulled away from his dramatics and shrugged. “I guess that makes sense. Bowie is literally a wizard who makes muggle music.”
Although the conversation was about him, Regulus felt that Sirius and James had forgotten he was there internally. He didn’t know how Pettigrew or Remus dealt with their co-dependence. One could argue that Regulus and Pandora were co-dependent too, but at least none of their friends were ever ignored during conversations.
Regulus probably loved the two men in front of him more than most anything, but he hated them right now. He hated their brotherhood that Regulus would never experience. Sirius was safe, which was good, James was happy, which was also good, but Regulus wanted to gouge his eyes out having to witness it.
Sirius must have realized his brother, whom he had before wanted to talk to, was being ignored, so he turned to try to start a conversation. As soon as he opened his mouth, though, the music changed. Sirius gasped and smiled wide.
“This is Queen, Reggie,” Sirius said. He was bouncing a little and obviously wanted to sing and dance in the crowd.
I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy
Because I’m easy come, easy go, little high, little go
Most everyone started singing along. Sirius looked like it pained him to stand and watch. Regulus knew it probably did. Sirius was never one to stand on the sidelines.
“Go dance, Siri,” Regulus said. Regulus’ old nickname shocked them both, but Regulus refused to draw any attention to it by taking it back. “I’ll be fine here.”
Sirius had an internal debate for only a moment more before bursting into song and running straight to the center of the crowd. James stayed though. Regulus refused to acknowledge him, so he stood listening to the lyrics, ignoring James’ watchful gaze.
Mama, life had just begun
But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away
Mama, ooh, didn’t mean to make you cry
If I’m not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters
“This is depressing,” Regulus said, making a face. James was shocked by his words, probably not expecting him to speak. “Is this really what you play at a party?”
James considered for a moment, then shrugged. “Yeah,” he said. “Pretty much everyone likes this song and I guess people don’t really think too hard about the lyrics.”
Goodbye, everybody, I’ve got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Mama, ooh (any way the wind blows)
I don’t wanna die
I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all
“I like it,” Regulus muttered. It was hard to hear over the song and screaming students, but he knew James heard it.
James gave him a questioning look. “Didn’t you just say it was depressing?”
“I still like it.” James smiled but didn’t say anything.
I’m just a poor boy, nobody loves me
He’s just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
“This is one of Sirius’ favorite songs,” James said. Regulus remained silent
We will not let you go (let me go)
Will not let you go (let me go)
“I like your rings,” James said. “They look good on your hands.”
Regulus felt that was an odd way to phrase the compliment, so he repeated it back, hoping James would understand. “They look good on my hands?”
“Yes, they do.” James nodded. He was at least a little drunk, Regulus could tell. “You have nice hands. Long fingers.”
He couldn’t help himself but laugh. James smiled so wide that Regulus thought it might rip his face in half.
“You have a nice laugh, too,” he said. Okay, so he was more than a little drunk. “You should laugh more.”
Regulus also couldn’t help the tiny smile that played on his lips. “Maybe you should just be more funny.”
“I will,” James insisted. “I will be so funny if it could get you to laugh again. I want you to laugh all the time.” Regulus had to bite his bottom lip to not smile.
“You’re drunk, Potter.”
“Yes, very. But I still want to make you laugh.”
Regulus didn’t know how to respond, so he just didn’t. Neither of them spoke as they people watched and listened to the music. It wasn’t a super cohesive mix, Regulus realized, but he didn’t mind. He enjoyed the music.
Eventually, a pop song blared. James immediately perked up.
“James, it’s Dancing Queen!” Sirius screamed. “Come dance with us.”
James clearly wanted to, but he looked at Regulus first. Regulus could tell if he was asking for permission or wanting him to dance too.
“Go have fun,” Regulus said. It seemed to be the right thing to say because James grinned and ran to Sirius. Regulus watched as they screamed the lyrics in each other's faces.
They look so happy and so free. Not for the first time, Regulus hated them.
Sirius has a real smile on his face. He laughed and spun around, falling all over the place. He wasn’t the sad, stiff boy Regulus had seen at home. This was what his brother loved. This was his brother’s home. Regulus wasn’t upset that Sirius had found it, but more so that they hadn’t found it together.
When they were younger, the brothers had dreamed of leaving and making a home for themselves. Sirius did it all on his own and Regulus knew he wasn’t strong enough to do the same. Not without his brother, at least.
Regulus knew Sirius deserved this. He was so proud of his brother for finding it, but he hated him too. Because now Regulus could never be happy. How could he be happy without his brother? Sirius found a new brother, James.
Sirius had James. Beautiful, lovely James Potter.
Regulus watched them dancing in the huge crowd with loud music and he knew he would never be able to do that. He could never be that happy or that free. He wanted to throw up or gouge his eyes out. Anything that would stop him from seeing them.
Regulus wouldn’t ever wish Sirius back to Grimmauld Place. He would never wish James to feel like Regulus. But he wished he understood why. Why were they allowed to feel like that? Why would Regulus never get the chance?
Merlin must have been listening to his prayers to leave because just before tears pricked in his eyes, Dorcas and Pandora approached Regulus. He almost smiled until he saw Dorcas’ face.
“What’s wrong?” he asked once they were in ear shot.
“She hates me,” Dorcas said, sniffling. It was the first time Regulus had seen any of his friends cry in public, much less Dorcas. Smart, strong Dorcas. Pandora had her arms wrapped around Dorcas’ shoulders and the three of them started walking to the exit.
Regulus was fuming. About what, he did not know. “Who?”
“Marlene,” she practically sobbed. A group of Gryffidors glanced at them, but before they got too much attention, Pandora pulled them through the portrait.
Dorcas was a blubbering mess all the way back to the dungeons. He didn’t get much of the story, but from what Regulus could gather, Marlene had practically spit in Dorcas’ face and called her dirt.
Once Regulus and Pandora got her into their dorm and to sleep, they stepped outside to talk.
“That bitch,” Regulus said. Pandora nodded solemnly in agreement. “How could she hate Dorcas? How could anyone hate Dorcas?” Pandora was quiet, considering.
“I think Marlene is convinced Dorcas hates her, too,” Pandora said. “Maybe she’s lashing out so Dorcas doesn’t get the chance.”
Regulus considered this. Pandora tried to consider all options before placing judgment. Quite different from Regulus’ own tactic of hating everyone based on first encounters and vibes.
“I still hate her,” Regulus concluded. “I don’t care why she did it, she made Dorcas cry, that bitch.”
“How was talking to your brother?” Pandora asked. She was really awful at transitioning conversations, so Regulus was barely surprised at the topic change.
“Awful,” Regulus said. “I was one hundred percent correct that he only wants a better relationship to absolve himself from guilt.”
“Maybe,” she said. “Do you want a relationship anyways?” Regulus groaned.
Yes, he thought.
Of course he did. It didn’t matter what SIrius was thinking or feeling. Regulus wanted his brother back.
“If he wants a better relationship, that’s his choice,” Regulus said, avoiding the question. It was all the answer Pandora really needed. “I’m not going to fix this for him.”
“Of course not.” She smiled. “I’m going to bed. Good night, Reg. I love you.”
“Love you too,” Regulus grumbled as Pandora walked back into her dorm room. He rubbed his temples as he felt a migraine. It had been a long night.