Hangovers
James Potter has a gift. It’s something everyone he ever meant, especially Sirius, is insanely jealous of. He doesn’t get hangovers.
That does mean, however, that James is always tasked with taking care of his friends’ hangovers. Sirius’ was especially bad because once he realized Regulus left without saying goodbye, he doubled down. He ended up grinding up on anyone who would let him, which was a lot of people. Of course, this made Remus supper grumpy on top of the hangover. Peter was just regular hungover, which for him meant wanting to stay in bed all day.
They had a late breakfast and the other boys piled his plate with hangover foods. No one was talking, except for the occasional grumble asking James to pass more food or tea. Most students were already done eating, but a couple Gryffidors hadn’t even started.
Marlene, James’ childhood best friend and one of Lily’s current best friends, was one of those people. She stumbled to sit next to James and Sirius, squinting to see. He hadn’t even seen her at the party last night. Come to think of it, he didn’t remember seeing or even looking for any of the girls. He was too preoccupied with Regulus and later Sirius. It was obvious, still, that Marlene had gotten quite drunk, though, based on her hangover.
“Hey, Marls,” James said, energetically. “How was your night?”
She groaned. “Die.”
“Ah, that good?”
“I swear to Merlin, Potter, if you don’t at least lower your voice, I will skin you alive.”
“Sorry,” he whispered. “How was your night?”
“Dorcas was there,” Marlene grumbled.
Oh yes. That.
Marlene and Dorcas had hated each other since they started at Hogwarts. Remus was convinced Marlene was in love with Dorcas, but James knew he was an idiot. People have to be friends or at least not hate each other's presence to like them. Marlene and Dorcas could barely be in the same room with each other.
“Did you talk to her?” James asked, hopeful Marlene had just been annoyed at her presence, not anything she said. He doubted that was true though.
“Yes,” Marlene said, covering her face with her hands. “Merlin, she’s so hot.”
Okay, maybe James was wrong.
He looked at his friends, trying to find some sort of confirmation he was hearing things. Peter and Sirius looked just as shocked, but Remus had a smug look on his face.
“It’s just…” She groaned loudly. “I can’t talk to her. Everytime I try, I either say something stupid or I sound like a right ass. But she is so beautiful. Did you see her last night? Merlin.”
James remembers vaguely seeing her. If his memory serves correctly, she wore a short dress that was extremely low cut. He wasn’t really focused on her, though.
Regulus had worn an outfit that should have been illegal and James had been in a trance watching him. The top was open so James could see his chest and he almost died. Regulus was (objectively speaking, obviously) hot and James couldn’t tear his eyes away.
Still, he believed Marlene that Dorcas must have been hot. “Yeah, she looked good,” James said.
“I’m sorry,” Sirius cut in. “You like Marlene? I thought you hated her. Isn’t she a blood supremacist?”
At the same time Marlene grumbled, “Of course I don’t like her.” Remus practically shouted, “No, she’s not!” Everyone winced at his volume.
“I swear, Sirius, you think you know everything,” Remus continued. Sirius opened his mouth to defend himself, but didn’t get the chance. “You don’t know anything. Dorcas and all of their friends were there for me when you weren’t.” Sirius flinched and Remus stopped himself.
Remus had been friends with Regulus for quite a while, but when Sirius played his cruelest ‘prank’, Remus started hanging out with all of his Slytherin group. After many months, Remus forgave Sirius, but never stopped talking to them. He never forgot the loyalty they showed when Sirius betrayed him.
Remus seemed to consider an apology for his harsh words but decided against it. He wasn’t wrong, so he didn’t need to give one. He got up and left a pouty Sirius behind.
It wasn’t long after that Sirius got up and left, too. He didn’t say where he was going, but James had the map so it didn’t matter. Peter left shortly after that to go back to sleep, Marlene had stopped talking and was more focused on food, so James was becoming antsy without someone to talk to.
He pulled out the map looking for someone to talk to. Sirius and Remus sat at the Black Lack together, which wasn’t surprising to him. They both hated being upset at each other and rather than actually talking through their issues, they would sit in silence as a sort of peace offering.
James didn’t get it at all. He was often grateful for any silence he got, but not after a fight. He got insanely anxious and his mind worked a mile a minute.
Sirius and Remus were different. This is what they needed. He let them be.
He continued to search when he saw Regulus walking alone towards the Quidditch pitch. He was rarely in public alone, he usually had Pandora or one of his other friends trailing behind him. So when James saw him alone he ran to meet him.
“Regulus,” he panted when he reached the boy. Regulus didn’t seem surprised at James’ presence, but rather the fact James approached him. James frowned. How often had James been right by Regulus and not noticed him? He vowed to always notice Regulus from this point forward.
“Potter.” Regulus turned half way to face him. James smiled widely seeing his face.
“What are you doing?” He bounced closer to Regulus.
“Are we supposed to write a letter today or something?” Regulus scrunched his nose and James frowned.
“No,” James said. “I just wanted to hang out. Plus, all my other friends are hungover-”
“It sounds like you’re including me in that group,” Regulus pointed out. “We’re not friends.”
“Okay,” James said. Regulus started walking towards the Quidditch pitch again and James followed. It wasn’t the first time he had noticed how fast Regulus was. In walking, in flying, in learning. He seemed to do everything with impressive speed. “I just thought we could talk.”
“Talk?”
“Yes, talking. I’m sure you’re familiar with talking,” James teased with a smile forming. “When somebody uses their mouth to make sounds and communicate.”
“I know what talking is, Potter,” Regulus said harshly.
“Why do you always call me that?” James asked. “Potter.” He scrunched his nose. “It makes me feel old.”
“You are old.” Regulus' face didn’t change, his eyes still locked on the Quidditch pitch, but James barked out a laugh.
“Yeah, and you’re so little,” James said. “Little Black.” He laughed.
“Shut up,” Regulus grumbled.
James kept laughing. “Ooh, I’ve got another one!” Regulus sighed. “Baby Black. Cute, right?”
“Alliteration doesn’t make everything cute, Potter,” Regulus snapped immediately. “If you continue to call me that, I will rip your tongue out of your mouth and hang it on my wall.”
James just laughed again. “Okay, so no Baby Black. But maybe another nickname? I think nicknames are so fun. All my friends have them.”
“I know,” Regulus said. “Remus told me.”
“So, can I give you a nickname?”
Regulus huffed and turned towards James. They were less than a few feet away from the Quidditch pitch. “Look, I have to practice for the Hufflepuff game this Friday. You can play too, but you have to keep your mouth shut. If you keep talking, I’ll play on my own.”
“Hey, I can be quiet. Just watch,” James said and Regulus looked skeptical. James smiled and pretended to zip his mouth shut and lock it. He threw away the pretend key. Regulus rolled his eyes, but James thought he seemed to want to smile. James wanted him to smile, too.
That’s what they did. They played Quidditch for what felt like hours. James was mesmerized by the way Regulus flew.
Sure, James had seen him fly before. Hell, he’d played with Regulus before, but James would never get tired of it. Regulus was so graceful, so beautiful as he flew. It seemed like second nature to him. James thought Regulus was comfortable with Pandora and his other friends, but it was nothing like this.
Regulus looked free. He looked happy. Whenever he didn’t think James was looking, he’d smile and laugh as he did flips. James never looked away once he realized. James hated everyone who had ever made Regulus hide this side of himself. His smile was hypnotizing and his laugh put every other noise to shame. James wouldn’t have tore his gaze away for anything. It didn’t seem right that Regulus wasn’t always like this.
Still, another part of James, a selfish part of James, was glad that he was one of the only people who would see Regulus like this. He wanted to lock it up and keep it close to his heart. If everyone knew what Regulus was like when he flew, James was afraid it would ruin it.
James was watching intensely, so he noticed immediately when Regulus began to slow down. James rushed to meet him at the bottom of the pitch. Maybe they could talk.
“You’re getting sloppy, Potter,” Regulus said as he landed.
“You aren’t,” James said. “You’re really good.”
“I know.”
James plopped down on the damp grass. “Are you going professional?”
Regulus hesitantly and awkwardly sat across from him. He seemed ready to run at any moment. “No, not anytime soon.”
James scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I know not anytime soon. You’re still a fifth year. I was talking about after graduation.”
“So was I. I have to get a job in the ministry after I graduate.” He shifted uncomfortably. James knew that Regulus was only telling him because he figured Sirius already told him everything.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” Regulus twisted his hands nervously. “What are you gonna do after graduation?” James saw the awkward small talk for what it was, a desperate attempt to change the conversation. James let him.
“I’m not sure yet. I might take over my dad’s business, but I’m not that good at potions so probably not. I want to do so many things, I’m still trying to figure it out.” James could see Regulus getting uncomfortable again and James thought he might bolt. “All I know is I want to get married to someone I love.”
“Lily,” Regulus said. Bitter and cold. James scrunched up his nose, but didn’t comment on his tone.
“I mean, that’s my dream,” James said. He didn’t know how likely it was that Lily would ever like him back, but he still hoped she would. He’d been dreaming about their future together for years. James cleared his throat after an awkward silence. “What about you? What dreams do you have?”
Regulus scoffed as he picked at the grass in front of them, avoiding James’ gaze. “None.”
“Oh, that can’t be true,” James insisted. “Come on, I told you my dream.”
“I’m pretty sure everyone knows you’re in love with Lily.” James did his best attempt at puppy dog eyes (he’d learned from the best) and Regulus conceded. “I’m not allowed to dream anymore.”
James scrunched his eyebrows. “What?”
Regulus looked up and had a cold expression on his face. “Sirius left this summer.” Regulus gave James a look that told him Regulus thought that explained it all. And maybe to someone else, it did.
But it didn’t make sense to James. “I know.” Of course James knew. Sirius lived with him now.
“That means I’m the heir. They have my whole life planned out now.”
Usually James knew exactly what to say. That was his thing. He could comfort people, make them happy. Something about Regulus made it more difficult.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” Regulus inhaled sharply. “So I don't get to dream anymore. You can thank your best friend for that.”
James eyebrows sewn together. “Hey, it’s not Sirius’ fault.”
“I never said it was.”
“No, really,” James said, frowning. “You can’t say things like that.”
“He left me. Am I supposed to sing his praises?” Regulus said, matching James’ expression.
“You can’t blame him for leaving. He would have died if he stayed,” James insisted.
“I know,” Regulus said. His voice was weaker than James’ had ever heard. “I was there.”
James prided himself on the way he always thought of others. He believed his selflessness was his greatest trait. Until Regulus said that, James honestly believed that Regulus was at least mostly okay. He was shocked to realize how wrong he was.
Obviously James knew Orion and Walburga were awful, that was never a question. Regulus probably wasn’t as loved as he should have been and maybe didn’t get the freedom he deserved. Still, James had thought of Regulus as Sirius had described. Completely unbothered.
It may be shocking to you and it would most definitely be shocking to James when he looks back years later, but James never pictured Regulus affected by their parents' abuse. Even as he wanted and desired to get closer to Regulus, it was under the pretense of wanting to fix him and show him how awful his parents were. James for the first time realized that Regulus didn’t need that.
Regulus knew. Regulus cared. He just couldn’t do anything about it.
James understood, in a way. Wanting to help someone, wanting someone to help you, but neither happening. It hurt James to think about it. It hurt James to think of Regulus alone in that house.
He wasn’t sure when they got back up, but sometime later, James and Regulus made their way back to the castle together. If anyone saw them, they would have thought it was an odd sight. James and Regulus had never been friends before and hadn’t spoken publicly in years. But James felt comfortable around him.
At least, he felt more comfortable knowing that Regulus was safe by his side. James remembered how it felt before Sirius was out of that house. He was always scared or anxious when he couldn’t see Sirius. He was feeling that all over again.
Regulus was safe right now. He was safe at school and he was safe next to James, that wouldn’t ever change, James hoped. He didn’t want to think of the holidays or after James graduated. Neither of those were near, so it wasn’t hard to push out of his mind.
Before they entered the Great Hall for a late lunch, Regulus stopped James by tugging on his arm. It was the first time Regulus had ever touched James and he could help but stare at the hand on his arm before it was quickly pulled away.
“I have a game on Friday,” Regulus said.
“I know,” James said. “Hufflepuff vs. Slytherin. I have the whole session memorized.” James chuckled lightly.
“Right, well.” Regulus rubbed his arms. “You and Sirius could come if you want. And there’s a party in the Slytherin commons if we win. You don’t have to, I just thought I'd offer.” It looked like it physically pained Regulus to extend the invitation and utterly terrified by the response James would give.
James pictured him too nervous to invite Sirius and his heart melted. He wanted to run in the Great Hall and yell at Sirius. “Look, see! He still cares about you! Your brother still cares about you!”
“We’ll be there,” James said, smiling wide.
Regulus gave a small smile in return. “Okay. Bye, James.” He turned on his heels without another word.
James didn’t want to move. Regulus had just called him James and touched his arm and for some unknown reason, James wanted to stay there, in that moment forever.
Of course, he didn’t. But when he walked into the Great Hall and told Sirius that Regulus had invited them to a party, or when the Marauders spent the rest of their day together, James felt better than he had in quite a long time.
And when James laid down that night, not for the first time, he fell asleep thinking about Regulus Black rather than Lily Evan.