Memories and the truth
♡ MEMORIES AND THE TRUTH♡
"Oh take me back to the night we met."
- The night we met, Lord Huron.
♡
It was a Sunday when Alice fell in love with Narcissa Black for the first time.
She fell in love with her at six years old in a luxury robes shop. Alice had snuck in from her grandfathers ice cream parlor next door. She'd been buzzing off the high of childish love for doing something you knew you weren't supposed to. Her mother had warned her all morning that she'd get her toy broom taken away if she snuck off again. So obviously, Alice just figured she wouldn't get caught. That was the first time she saw her. Long snowy hair twisted into two braids that went down her back. She was wearing a crisp black pea coat that contrasted her hair starkly. But oh, did she have the most beautiful eyes in the entire world. They were blue, the kind of blue the sky is when it's covered in clouds. The reflection of the sky in the water. Even then Alice felt the pull they had. Maybe she'd picked a fight because she was jealous, or perhaps it was just being raised by a dad who should've taken anger management classes. She never quite figured out why she did it. Really, she just wanted the girl to notice her.
But when Narcissa Black shattered every single piece of glass in the shop, that was the first time. It was the first time she'd felt somebody's magic, and it was the first time she fell in love. Those things never really got separated in her mind, magic and love. It's such an intimate thing, the feel of somebody's magic. The glass had cut her cheek, but she didn't even feel it. Nor did she feel the chill from the snow outside, now fluttering in and scattering the floor.
Narcissa Blacks magic was like smoke. It wisps around in dangerous, curling ribbons that fog up the entire room. It's all consuming, menacing, and comforting all at once. There was something angelic about it. It's the kind of magic you can feel in your skin. Like a caress, a brush on the cheek. Rain in the morning, train stations. Sad smiles. Fearful glances. Silk bedsheets. New books, an empty room, an apple tree, gray skies, snow and-
Her mother had dragged her out of the shop.
Every wizard has something special, a signature they call it. Some are exceptionally good at potions, charms, flying and such. But Alice is exceptional at feeling magic. Magical synesthesia, if you ask her mum. But instead of tasting colors she's sees, and sometimes feels, magic. Normally, you can feel the magic of those extremely close to you, albeit lightly. Alice can feel it in nearly everybody. That also, unfortunately, means that she tends to love people too much. Because she can feel them. She sees their lives through their magic. Sometimes it's little flashes of memories that their magic builds off of, sometimes it's just a feeling.
With Narcissa Black it had been everything. Alice went home to her best friend, Frank Longbottom, and told him she'd gotten into a fight with an angel.
Alice has been in love with at least a hundred different people in her life. She fell in love with Remus Lupin in a library during the fall of her first year, Sirius Black in a loud common room in the winter, James potter on the quidditch pitch in the spring, and Peter Pettigrew in a train compartment just before summer. She thinks a lot that she's been a little bit in love with all of her friends from the moment she's known them. She dated a lot of boys, mostly in her first, second, and third year when having a boyfriend meant two weeks at the most. During her fourth year, though, James had told her very, matter-of-fact-ly, that she had to date Remus. And honestly he was one of her best friends, she liked him didn't she? It was on the Hogsmeade date that Lily set them up on that she asked him to be her boyfriend. He just blinked at her, shrugged, and said okay. Dating Remus was nice, he really wasn't a bad kisser either so that was a plus. Even while she was dating him it always just felt like she was with her friend, and a lot of the time she'd just forget that they were together. She knew, almost just in the back of her mind, that it wasn't romantic. But it never really occurred to her to break up with him, not really. Their friends loved them together, aside from Sirius, and they had fun. Mostly she really didn't want to loose her friend. And she was completely okay spending time with him. So why would she?
She has a dreadfully short memory, she always has. It's all that magic, her father used to say, taking up space in that mind of yours. But she never did forget that day. Not years later, when she started her auror training. Not even when her consciousness was nothing but fragments, a paper boat in the ocean. The tides carried her back to that memory every single time.
Alice is thinking about it now, lying drunk on a large armchair she'd dragged next to the 'DJ booth', which is just a table with a record player on it because obviously the only way Remus Lupin is going to a non-marauder party is if he gets to DJ. There's some Bowie song she's sure she's heard before but she can't put her finger on blasting in her ear so loud she can feel the beat in her heart. It's the first weekend of term her fifth year, and all of the houses are throwing their respective not-so-secret kicking off term parties. The night is electric. Everybody's buzzing with it. She's wearing a short red dress that's a size too small for her and her hair is fanned out on the arm of the chair, charmed to be extra voluminous. All the girls in their dorm had helped each other get ready for the big night, giggling over nothing and tripping over stray clothing items. It's the second party they've thrown all-together. The Valkyries (Alice, Mary, Lily, and Marlene) have taken the marauders crown for party-throwing, and they did it after their first one last year. Mostly because the marauders are always too focused on making everybody's life a living hell in the name of being 'prank gods' to actually have fun. Alice loves them but she'd be lying if she said they weren't single handedly the most annoying people on the planet when they really put their minds to it. As she lays down she's only vaugely aware of her surroundings, the 'Narcissa Black memory' fades in and out of her mind. When she's not thinking about Narcissa she's thinking about the summer. She'd been so stressed the entire time. Being home had been nice of course but nothing was the same after her dad got sick.
She shakes her head and is almost convinced she can literally shake the thought away. Because she's not thinking about that tonight. She's won't. Instead she's drinking twice her body weight in firewhisky. Alice tries to focus on the blur of people around her. The lighting is dim, little tiny sparklers floating around in the air and exploding soundlessly every once in a while so that it cascades down, only to form back again. They're charmed not to hit anybody, obviously. Lily and James are participating in a very enthusiastic screaming match that she can't hear, Marlene is on Sirius's shoulder and she thinks they're doing some kind of performance (?), Mary is chatting with Peter and a girl she doesn't know the name of on the couch in front of the fireplace. Frank is dancing with Amelia Bones. Alice rolls her head back, curving her neck so she can see Remus. He's upside-down from where she's positioned but she can, very clearly, see him staring blankly at Sirius and Marls. She chuckles just a little bit and lifts herself up so she can roll over. Once she's right-side-up she taps Remus on the shoulder and yells, "I'M GOING TO GO."
His eyebrows furrow and he yells something back that she doesn't hear, so she just gestures very pointedly to herself and then to the door. Thankfully he seems to get it and nods, prying the half filled goblet from her hand and sets it down.
When she goes to the astronomy tower all she really thinks was that her heels are too tight and make her feel too high up. The red lipstick Mary lended her is smudged on the corner of her lip. She's also pretty sure her eyeliner is smudged as well because she rubbed her eyes earlier. The hallways are so empty, so quiet it causes her ears to ring. The air in the hallway is colder than it was before now that Alice is alone. She attempts to ignore the rising anxiety in her throat by relishing in how good it feels to be back at Hogwarts, but it really doesn't help. She can still, faintly in the back of her mind, feel the music. She feels the sound waves in her bones. The Gryffindor common room has a silencing charm on it so she knows its just in her head but as the walks through the hallway she swears she can hear it. She lets her fingertips run along the windows as she walks, focusing on the way the wood dips into glass. It's a beautiful night, really, the moonlight blanketing the trees with enough light that it seeps through the window in chunks casting shadows along the corridor. Alice doesn't particularly like being alone in the corridors, especially at night, but she feels her feet carrying her along anyway.
Alice is a Gryffindor but she'll be dammed if that stops her from being anxious. She's incredibly lucky that Filch hasn't caught her. She's taken absolutely no precautions, she's just stumbling her way to the astronomy tower. Her head feels so impossibly clear. Like it should be. Like she'd wanted it to be. The doors feel impossibly heavy when she tries them that she physically puts all her weight on it to push them open. Eventually, gravity decides to kick in and she nearly collapses onto the cement with the weight of it. In her intoxicated state, she finds herself rather proud that she's able to catch herself on the doorframe without falling over. Alice triumphantly lets out a tiny giggle as she lets the cold air wash over her. She sticks out her arms and wiggles her fingers, gasping at the stars like they're tiny personal gifts just for her. It takes her an embarrassingly long time to realize she's being watched. In fact, it's only when she hears a light, "Fortescue?" that she swivels her head to the side quite comically.
"Black?"
Her eyes widen, because there, even then after all those years, her first thought is that she's happened upon an angel at the astronomy tower.
Narcissa middle-name-unknown Black. In the flesh. Right here. Alone. Fuck. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shi-
She's older now, but she looks the same as she did then.
Truthfully, Alice has made it her personal mission to avoid Narcissa like a plague at school. It's not hard, she's in the year above her and in an entirely different house, they run in separate groups and even at mealtimes the Slytherin table is on the other side of the great hall. When she knows she'll have to see her, like during quidditch matches, she mentally prepares herself and does everything in her power to come into contact with her as little as possible. Because Narcissa Black is possibly the last person she should be infatuated with. She's a pureblood. A Black, which means she's practically royalty. A Slytherin. A raging bitch when she wants to be, apparently. And a whole list of other things that she stands against. She's also a girl, which is a whole problem on it's own that she'd rather not deal with ever. She's the last person she should be infatuated with, and it's her only infatuation that's stayed. Narcissa Black left her mark on Alice the minute she showed her magic. She's fallen for other people. Of course she has. But Narcissa never went away.
Her magic is addictive. It clings to the air around her like it can't fully be contained in her mind. And Alice knows, in that moment, that she isn't strong enough this time. There's nothing stopping her. They aren't in a match, surrounded by voices and people. They aren't in a hallway, passing each other from one insignificant moment to the next. She doesn't even try to ignore it. She doesn't try to ignore the pull she feels when she feels those eyes on her, she just walks over and plops herself down next to Narcissa on the concrete. Narcissa isn't even doing a spell and she can feel her magic, it's cold, and it's soft, and it feels nostalgic, almost. Alice realizes, in the back of her mind, that what she's thinking is insane. But even still she feels the corners of her lips curve up when she looks over at her. Because she finds that right now she doesn't care.
Narcissa is staring at her with wide eyes. The same ones- piercing grey blue. They're bloodshot, even if only a little. And it's just so perfect, isn't it? The way her lips compliment them. Or how her nearly white hair falls like a sheet of fresh snow.
She's smoking a cigarette, which seems to be a common theme with the Black family children. Even though they're all the snobbiest purebloods on the planet they never seem to be above cigarettes.
"Do you 'ave another one?" She tries her absolute hardest not to slur her words. She fails.
"Yes." Narcissa says, and then winces as if she hadn't meant to say it. "I'd rather be left alone."
Alice cocks her head, a smile still plastered onto her face. She really can't help it. Narcissa's cheeks are bitten pink from the cold, expanding to the tips of her ears and nose. Narcissa seems to accept after a number of minutes that Alice isn't leaving and takes a red box out of her pocket. She gives Alice a cigarette, which she accepts gleefully. "Thanks!" It comes out way too happy for somebody trying her absolute hardest to be casual. But she's drunk, cut her a little slack. "Watch this." She focuses with everything she has, feeling the magic well up inside her and-
The cigarette lights. She takes a short puff, her smile growing as she seems to have shocked a small laugh out of Narcissa. The girl beside her shakes her head and takes a long drag, her cheeks hallowing. The smoke drifts from her parted lips, intertwining with her magic still in the air. "Do you show everybody magical party tricks or just the ones who give you things?"
Alice shakes her head and frowns a little because she'd hoped just a little bit that she'd find that impressive. "Do you always give people things, or just the ones you want to go away?"
"I don't give people things. I want you to go away because I'm on veritaserum and I don't want you to ask me questions." Narcissa's eyes snap shut, her eyelashes brushing her cheeks. Alice makes a small 'o' with her mouth and leans back against the wall, one leg bent up to rest her arm on and the other straightened out. Her words have an edge, because clearly it was something she didn't want to admit.
"I won't ask you questions then."
"How generous."
Alice shrugs. "It's better that you have somebody stay with you. Unless you want to go to Pomfrey." She's quite proud of herself for forming a coherent sentence.
"I do not need somebody to sit with me."
"I mean I guess you don't need it, but I'm assuming you didn't go and give yourself veritaserum. Which means that you're up here to hide from the person who gave it to you. If they come up here and start talking you'll answer them before you can pull out your wand. You could seal your mouth shut but then, you know," She waves her hand "Then you'd actually have to go to Pomfrey. If somebody else comes I can cast a silencing charm on them." She works through the sentence slowly, trying to make it make sense because she's finding it really hard to think right now. Once she gets through it, though, she feels really fucking smug. Look at her, being all reasonable while drunk.
Narcissa sighs and tilts her head. "You know a lot about veritaserum." It's a statement but Alice answers anyway. She doesn't see much point in hiding it.
"'Suppose. Some pricks thought they'd have a laugh and slip it to me during my first year. I didn't really have much to hide but still. I did my research, I sort of became obsessed with it actually. I made sure it never happened again." At this Narcissa's brows furrow. She feels weirdly sober right now, because it's always been a serious subject to her. Everybody is entitled to their mind, and their secrets.
"You... made sure?"
"Oh! Yeah!" She says, coughing on smoke a bit realizing she'd forgotten to explain that part "I, uhm, took small doses of it everyday so my body could build up a tolerance. I can take more now, for the most part I'm immune. It's, uh, It's called mithridatism. It's usually with poison and shit but you kn-" Narcissa cuts her off, gaping.
"You're immune to vertitaserum?!"
Alice shrugs again, feeling a little sheepish. She takes a strand of hair between her fingers. "Mostly"
Apparently, the other girl finds this funny, because she breaks out into a soft chorus of laughter. Alice feels her cheeks heat up at the sound of it because, isn't that just the loveliest sound in the world? Narcissa never laughs, she rarely even smiles, Alice for the life of her cannot understand why.
"You're ridiculous." Narcissa scoffs. In return Alice just hums, rolling her head back onto the wall and staring up at the stars kissing the sky. Her cigarette reaches it's end rather quickly, so she presses it to the ground with a sigh. Although they're muggle they've caught on at Hogwarts rather recently, even if most of the purebloods insist on not using them. She always wondered why the Blacks never adhered to that, but that question would have to come at a later date. Instead, she breaks the silence with something else.
"You don't have to tell me, but I'd like to know how it happened."
"Why?"
Alice shrugs, "It's just weird is all. Usually it's Slytherins doing that kind of stuff."
Narcissa puts out her cigarette on the sliver of wall between her and Alice. "What makes you think it wasn't a Slytherin?"
"Wait so it was a Slytherin?" Alice immediately covers her mouth. She's usually not too bad at controlling what she says while intoxicated but sometimes things just slip out. Like clockwork Narcissa responds.
"Yes." And then-
"Shit! Fuck! I'm sorry I-"
"Merlin calm down." Narcissa sighs heavily, lightly tapping her head against the brick wall. She stares at the stars like they've personally offended her. "Do it again, Fortescue, and I'll make you leave."
Alice refrains from pointing out that she doesn't actually own the Astronomy tower and she can stay here if she wa- She's been spending too much time with Remus and Lily. She sort of regrets drinking so much now. She's generally really good at acting sober when she isn't, but her head is foggy and she has to concentrate to think of a good enough answer. One that won't cause Narcissa to make her leave. Whatever that means. "Okaaaay... you ask me questions then."
Narcissa blinks, and again she asks, "Why?"
"It'll distract me from saying something stupid. Also, I'm bored and the only one here who can refuse if I want."
"Fine. What do you get out of this? Why come sit with me?" She responds almost immediately.
See, the good thing about not being forced to tell the truth is that she can say half-truths and get away with it. She doesn't tell her that she couldn't really stop herself, even if she tried. Instead, she just says this: "Because I think you need it. And I'm drunk, obviously. So when I wake up in the morning I won't even remember that I broke my rule tonight."
It's true, really. She probably won't. Part of her hopes that she does, so she can break it again.
"You're rule?" Narcissa's eyebrows furrow a bit. Alice thinks that she's probably a little drunk too. Maybe that's why she hasn't made Alice leave yet. She just laughs and waves her finger with a small wink.
"Secret."
Whatever Narcissa was about to respond with is cut off by the door swinging open.
"Cissa?"
"Cyn?" Narcissa bolts up with startling speed so that she's standing. Cynthia Zabini is standing in the doorway with her arms crossed, pinning Alice with a rather impressive glare. Narcissa and Cynthia seem to have a silent conversation before Narcissa crosses her arms and moves to follow Cynthia out. Just before the door slams shut she swears she hears her name in a whisper, but she can't be sure.
She stays unmoving on the astronomy tower for a long time that night. She doesn't really think about much at all. It's when the stars in front of her bleed into a much lighter blue that she ignores the whining of her joints and makes her way back to her dorm.
Alice thinks about the Sunday she met Narcissa Black the entire way there.
♡
"I'm tired of wanting more, I think I'm finally worn."
- A burning hill, Mitski.
♡
People say that memories follow you.
Narcissa, however, is determined to prove them wrong.
It's been a long time since Narcissa's slept. The entire summer after her fifth year was spent locked away in her room on the left wing of the Black family manor. She doesn't remember much of it. Even though it literally just ended, boarding the train felt like coming up for air after being stuck underwater. Being stuck underwater, drowning, for two months. Two months of glamor charms under her eyes and memories she couldn't unsee when they were closed. She finds, as she adapts to being back at Hogwarts, that it comes back in tiny flashes. The same way you remember a dream the morning after. Every time it's come back, Narcissa has locked it up.
Compartmentalization is easier than it used to be. She can barely hear the screams now.
She finds that she can find ways to separate the person she is, stowed away inside her room in the manor, from the person she has to be at school. Both of them are equally terrifying in their own ways. But made separate by the crisp autumn air and the many boxes of memories stacked in her mind. Here she is different. She speaks with a cold politeness, her posture is perfectly straight. Narcissa is perfect here. She never disappoints, she does everything exactly as she's told. She exceeds, excels, and she overachieves. She's polite, poised, delicate. She never gives too much away. She never says too much. The summer is gone, and she's present once more. The memories cannot follow her if she simply doesn't let them. Narcissa, over the summer, found a way to escape everything entirely.
She keeps a journal. A very meticulous recap of her day, every day. Because after the day is over Narcissa will forget.
She’s always had a hazy memory. Things would bleed together, causing her to remember things differently or sometimes not at all. Narcissa accepted a long time ago that her memory had been permanently altered, so she decided to use it to her advantage. She lets the day slip away after it’s written, leaving room for anything important she needs to store. If she needs to know what happened, she checks.
She has pages and pages of notes taken in class. Narcissa does not remember taking them. She will get perfect marks on her exams. She will not remember taking them.
She lets herself forget the bad parts.
I can't face him alone Bella.
Please Bella.
He'll kill me Bella.
Please.
Her father is dragging her from the porch by the roots of her disgraceful blonde hair.
Narcissa blinks, and she is back. The memories slip from her fingers, as if they're nothing more than water. It happens more often than not, that when she falls into one of them it runs away once she's back. Like a bad dream you don't remember. Cynthia is watching her shamelessly, brown eyes trained on her with a calculating expression. She stares at the textbook open on the table in front of her. It's for History of Magic, a chapter on a clan on vampires in Germany. Narcissa exhales and reminds herself where she is. The Great Hall. Breakfast. She's not at the manor. Across the table from her are Regulus and Pandora. Dorcas is at her other side. Rosier and Crouch are farther down the table. None of them seem to notice Cynthia's gaze.
She knows she was just in a memory. She does not remember which. She doesn't want too.
The night before she'd made a small error. She knows that she probably should've just told Fortescue to leave her alone. She would've under any other circumstances, obviously. It's just- Narcissa doesn't want to be alone while under veritiserum. It's not like she's a stranger to being under mind-altering potions. She isn't. But it's hard for her to handle things alone. She's always been weak like that. Never able to stand on her own. Always needing something. Somebody.
Don't leave me.
Her long fingers curl around the fork in her hand. She's been cutting up a pancake into small pieces for the past ten minutes. Narcissa can't bring herself to eat it. She tries, she really does. Especially with Cynthia's watchful eyes trained on her. She makes an honest effort. But- she can't. Looking at the way the syrup coats it, sticky and dripping off the edges of her fork causes a wave of nausea to wash over her. Her stomach hurts, and rather unhelpfully she's starting to feel weaker the more she thinks about forcing herself to take a bite. The small golden fork feels heavy as she pokes around at her food. So instead, Narcissa opts for pouring herself a large coffee. Black. No sugar. No milk.
She should really brew more Draught of Peace. Tonight, preferably. She thinks it would be beneficial if she could brew Calming Draught too, because the amount of the Draught of Peace she has to take exhausts her, but it takes longer to brew. The crocodile heart would be hard to get too. Unless she wants to ask Slughorn. Perhaps she should, Calming Draught helps her eat better than the Draught of Peace does. But she'd honestly rather take that than have to explain to Slughorn why she needs so much of it. Narcissa is so busy thinking about it that she doesn't even notice that Pandora's been talking to her.
"-arcissa?" A soft voice breaks through her thoughts. She jolts a little too harshly.
Everybody is looking at her now. She wants to fix her hair. Carefully, Narcissa sets her mug down next to her plate and lets the ribbing of her dark green jumper fall over her fingertips when she places them in her lap.
"Yes Pandora?" Narcissa rarely uses peoples last names. She thinks there's power in using somebody's first name. It's demanding, because it gives the illusion that you know them.
“You haven’t been sleeping.” Pandora stares right at her and she fights the urge to squirm. She's well used to piercing stares by now but Pandora has a habit of staring right into her fucking soul. Truth be told, while she likes her well enough, the younger girl always made her feel off. She doesn't tend to gravitate towards people who see too much of her. She’d never say anything though. If Regulus loves any of his friends, it’s Pandora Rosier. She's never tried to understand what they seem to have. She's just glad that he has somebody that isn't Barty and Evan. She doesn't mind their presence too much (particularly Evan), but they are some of the most impulsive, idiotic people she’s never met. And she’s had her fair share of run-ins with the marauders.
Pandora isn't wrong, obviously. She never really is. Maybe she should try brewing Sleeping Draught tonight as well, she has more of it than her other potions but it takes more than one for her to fall asleep now. Maybe she should-
Narcissa pulls herself out of her thoughts and forces herself to keep Pandora's gaze. She closes the book on the other side of her plate and slides it into her expensive bag hanging off the side of her chair, just to have something to do while she speaks.
"Thank you for that astute observation Pandora." If the other girl is perturbed by this she doesn't show it. She just turns to focus on Regulus.
They stay like that for a number of minutes, just staring at each other. On some level, she knows that they can communicate without words. Regulus doesn't go into details but he's always been good at Legitimacy. And Pandora's- well- Pandora. It always feels a bit uncomfortable to watch, though. She's watching them have a conversation, but she can't hear it. Eventually Regulus looks up again, arching an eyebrow at Narcissa. She rolls her eyes, waving her hand in a dismissive manor. Dorcas and Cynthia start talking about a wizard magazine, sensing the change in topic. Pandora perks up and joins the conversations as well. Evan and Barty, as usual, are having their own discussion that she's intentionally tuning out. Regulus and Narcissa take on their usual role, being quiet.
They've always understood each other, Narcissa and Regulus. Narcissa sees herself in Regulus. Two years younger than her and he's been through more than most people have in a lifetime. Where Andromeda was undoubtedly Sirius, Narcissa was Regulus. She knew from a very early age that she needed to take care of him. Because while Sirius fought tooth and nail for what he wanted, Regulus didn’t have that in him. Neither does Narcissa. All they have, as a pair, are cigarettes and sleeping draughts. She was always glad that Sirius had Andy because that means that they had each other. Her and Regulus were always a bit different but… it’s all the same either way.
Bellatrix though, Bellatrix was her own kind of evil. Narcissa often thought of her as her fathers daughter, Cygnus's perfect girl. The perfect Black.
She won't leave with us Cissy.
She loves him too much.
She's back in the Great Hall when the post comes, owls of varying sizes sweeping over her head. Barty gets a howler. None of them say anything about it. None of them get letters from their parents like most of the other houses do. Instead, her owl Belle swoops down with a copy of the Daily Prophet. She'd decided to subscribe to it during her fourth year so she could stay updated. It's usually nothing, but sometimes it's interesting information. Immediately, Cynthia takes the paper from her outstretched hand, standing a bit to reach it, and sends her a coy smile with a wink before skimming it. Why she never bothered to subscribe herself if beyond her, Cyn is a gossip if nothing else. Rolling her eyes, Narcissa distracts herself with feeding Belle some of her pancake from her tiny fork. And for a reason she cannot quite describe, her eyes wander over to the Gryffindor table.
She has to look between Pandora and Regulus to see, but right there in a perfect window, is Alice Fortescue. And just like that, she suddenly can't breathe. Because Alice is already looking at her.
Alice is looking at her.
She's got her arm on the back of Mckinnion's chair, standing behind it perched over as if to read the paper that her friends are currently pouring over. Her hair is in her face, too-long bangs covering her eyes just a little bit.
But she's looking at her.
It occurs to Narcissa for the first time that this might be the only occurrence where she remembers something that somebody else doesn't. The details are a bit rough, but she remembers last night almost in full. She can't bring herself to understand why she's tried so hard to keep the memory. It would be so easy- to let it fall between the cracks. Alice won't remember it either, and she can go back to a time where Alice Fortescue wasn't somebody she looked at. But, well, that's quite sad isn't it? Narcissa's mind will slip eventually, and Alice won't have remembered it at all. It'll be gone. Like it never happened. Like it wasn't even real.
A cry from the Ravenclaw table brings her back, because it interrupts the silence she didn't notice the Great Hall had fallen into. Cynthia hits her arm several times, and she finally reads the bold headline staining the parchment.
"Mysterious attack results in a muggle-massacre!-
Could this be the work of a hate group?.."
Shit.
Fucking shit.
Her eyes move back to the Gryffindor table.
But Alice isn't looking at her anymore.