"I'm sorry"
Sirius wakes up in the morning, it's painful.
He opens his eyes, the dim light of the lamp in the far corner makes him squint his eyes. He moves his head around.
What? Where? How?
Then it comes back to him. oh shit.
He looks in the bed infrount of him, he can hear muffled whispers and a small light, he looks at the 2 beds beside his, empty.
He can hear some of the words from the bed across, "what do you mean?" He heard in James's voice. "Is he okay?" Peters then adds. "I don't know" Remus's mumbles.*have they still not mastered the silencing spell?* sirius thinks with a smile.
He tries to sit up but the pain from the center of his ribs where he tried to kill himself with is too bad.
His eyes start to droop closed again. And he's engulfed with sleep again.
He's woken up by someone sitting on his bed, and the light peeking through the windows. As he opens his eyes, he relises who it is. "James..." he whispers.
"Sirius..." James says. He had an entire speech in his head, but once he heard Sirius's tierd voice, it escaped him. "Are you okay?" He mumbled after being quiet for nearly a minute.
Sirius looks at him, his grey eyes, that usually hint with mischief look almost empty now. "No" he whispers.
"I saw the note.." James answers. He's not sure why he does. It's probably not he best thing to say, but he says it anyways.
"I'm sorry" sirius whispers. His voice quiet, and slightly breaking.
"No, no, you don't have to be" James says. Why would he be sorry for trying to rid himself from this cruel world?
"For everything Jamie, for hurting you, hurting Remus, for everything" he replies. Avoid James's eye, because he doesn't know if he could hold it together if he did.
"Let's not talk about that now okay? We can wait till your awake atleast yeah?" James replies, James is loyal to a fault, but when it comes to Sirius, that's his brother, he can be mad, and hurt, and upset, but just like brothers always do, they find a way back to eachother.
later that day
Remus, who has alot of experience with cuts and gashes and injury due to his lycanthopy, won't let Sirius leave the bed all day, but they all take turns talking to him.
Remus is trying to explain to him that he hurt him but he doesn't hate him, but it won't go into Sirius's head that he can be hurt without hating him.
"Sirius, I promise you, I don't hate you. I swear it." He says, holding Sirius's hand.
"You should." Sirus replies, letting his hand being held.
"I never let you explain what happened... you think you can now?' Renus asks. His biggest regret is never letting Sirius's explain himself.
"Are you sure?' Sirius asks. Remus nodds softly.
"Uhm.. that day you were at the dorm, and i- I had used the passage that day to go to hogsmead to get you some chocolate frogs for after, and as I was walking back, through the halls, serverus was there. I passed him, I didn't even call him snivilus, I wanted to get back to you. But he was mad, he pulled my arm. I swung around and was like "What's your problem?!"
A month ago...
Sirius was walking, with his bag full of chocolate frogs and some of Remus's favorite snacks, he was walking through the corridor, as he passed Severus Snape, he bit back saying a witty remark, just wanting to get back to his boyfreind. Severus grabs his arm, "What's your problem?!" Sirius snaps and he spun around, some of the chocolate frogs falling from his bag.
Severus picks one of them up "I'm guessing these are for scar boy huh?" I smirk. Sirius hated when people called Remus that. It made his blood boil. "That's not his name. And if it's any constilation, yes. They are" Sirius says, through grinded teeth. "Any particular reason why today? Could it be because tonight is a full moon?' Severus remarks. "You don't know what your talking about, now just give it back" Sirius says trying to grab it from Severus's hand, but he was to quick. "Don't I? How about this, you tell me where Lupin turns or I tell your cousin Belatrix that your dating not only a halfblood, but a half blood werewolf boy" Snape says with a smirk. At that Sirius felt like he couldn't breathe. He wouldn't? He couldn't. But he knows he would. "Even if I would tell you, I'm not sure where" Sirius lies. "Fine, I guess I'll just need to tell Bellatrix" but he problem is, Sirius knows Snape would, Snape is he reason his family knows that he is freind with the Potters kid, his best friend. He doesn't want to but his family is his biggest fear. Even just from Snape mentining them he feels his blood go cold and his head spin. When they found out he was freinds with 'blood traitors' they beat him, and spelled him, and starved him, he doesn't remember most of it, but he does remember the pain, not the actions, just the pain. But if he was dating a boy?! Sirius knows himself it's wrong and it's not meant to happen, but he wasn't able to hide from his feelings any longer. His family, if hey found out, would kill him, and Remus, or no, they would kill Remus and make Sirius be forced into an arranged marriage with Narcissa, he couldn't do that, he wouldnt be able to survive his family. So then in a moment of weakness he snape "H-he turns- at the willow, there is a button at the bottom of it, it will stop thrashing" Sirius regrets it the second he says it. But his fear of his family is much worse. His family would... they would... even though he is disowned, they would have found him and him killed, just for soiling their name. Snape smirks, "Thanks Black" and then walks away.
SIrius is frozen in spot, he runs up to the dorm, and the second he tells James, James gave him the most disgusted look and runs out.
Present time..
Once Sirius explain what happened, there are tears in his eyes, and Remus feels like a terrible person.
"You snuck off to hogsmead to get me chocolate?" He says with a smile, because of course Remus would see the one decent thing in that story. Sirius nodds. "Yeah. I left them infer your bed, in a little baggie with a note apologising, but clearly a don't think you ever saw it." "No.. I didn't" Remus replys, feeling guilty. "Of that entire story you only notice the chocolate? Typical you moo- Remus' Sirius say, a memory flashing into his head when Remus told him to never call him Moony again. Renus immediately remembers that conversation. "Hey, hey Sirius, you can call me Moony. I was mad and hurt, and I still am, but not nearly as much now okay?" He says, his voice soft but also a bit commanding. "Ye-yeah, sorry" Sirius mumbles. "Stop apologising Siri, how many times will I tell you that?" Remus chuckles slightly, remembering all the times he told hom to stop apologising. Sirius nods silently.
Sirius, probably doped up on pain killers, weakly and carefully reaches his hand out to Remus's scarred hand that's sitting on the bed, he doesn't know why, but he needs Remus's touch. Remus doesn't reply for a moment before gently tangling his fingers in Sirius's, rubbing his finger over the singular scar on the front of Sirius's hand. And for the first time all day, Sirius relises the jumper he is wearing is Remus's old one that Sirius used to always steal and drive Remus mad from it. Remus's warm hand warms his blood, that he's always convinced is cold like a reptile. Even though Remus always complained of being cold, to Sirius's he was as warm as the sun and moon, forever reflecting the others beauty. Sirius doesn't even feel like his heart is hammering, he just feels safe. And Remus? Other than Remus's cheeks going a sof shade of pink, he feels like where he is where he was always meant to be. Beside the chronically pale boy, with the dark last name that doesn't suit him at all, his skin on his, comforting eachother in the silence of their beings.
For the time that they lost track of, just in sielnt comfort sSirius feels something, something that he hasn't felt for a very long time, Sirius might think there is hope for him, even with the Black name always on his back. With Remus, James and Peter, bt especially Remus, he might be able to go back to being Sirius... not Black.