Loneliest
The crowd was unmatchable as they screamed their names. This was it, this was worth everything they’ve ever been through. This was the moment they knew they made it.
Regulus Black grinned, throwing his head back and taking it all in. This was his art, his passion. This was the reason he escaped, the reason he lived.
He was here, free and alive with his people.
His friends, no, his family were here with him through it all. Barty and Pandora were back to back guitarist and bassist playing in tandem as they finished off the song.
Evan laughed from his place on the drums looking at his boyfriend and twin as they came down from their high.
Regulus met his eyes and they smiled nodding at each other before he drew his attention back to the crowd, bringing the mic up to his lips.
“Shhhh, hush now darlings. We have a little surprise.” The low timbre of his voice reverberated throughout the stadium immediately quieting the masses.
It was electrifying the power they had on stage or through the media. The way people craved Regulus’ words and hung onto the few things he says in interviews or his interactions with people in the crowd.
Regulus smirked as he glimpsed Barty and Pandora take up their places beside him.
“As this is the last show on our tour we thought why not play something for you that meant a lot to us.” Barty laughed into his mic.
“This was the song that pushed us to become the artists that we are.” Evan followed up as the crowd gasped in excitement.
Pandora grabbed Regulus’ hand which was holding the mic and said “Written by our very own musical genius…” Dora winked at Regulus, who rolled his eyes before continuing “…this song inspired our very first, the ‘Corrupted’ album.”
Regulus took a moment to watch as the atmosphere changed from an electric high to a somber static. From broad smiles to watery ones. Their fans, he knew connected deeply with their first album. From songs on abusive relationships to finding love to not being good enough for people to stay.
“This song was written when I was consumed with anger. I remember sitting on the floor with these cunts as I cried my eyes out…”
“ Ah and what pretty eyes they are Reg!” Evan laughed as he continued a small drum roll.
“…As I was saying, this song was written when we were sixteen, and I found out something that shattered me into pieces.”
Regulus glanced around the stadium as he tried to control his breathing. Even seven years later didn’t make the ache hurt any less. He just got used to the constant throb of his sewn together heart.
The godsend that Pandora was, she continued as she noticed his slightly unfocused eyes. “This one’s for the people who’ve been left behind. The ones who never got an explanation or never got to explain their actions.“
Barty came up on his right to grasp onto the same mic, his voice low, enough that only they would know how truly pissed he was “This one’s for the family that failed us when we needed them most.”
Regulus sucked in a breath at this and closed his eyes as Evan came up on Barty’s right, “This one’s for the ones who crave a new beginning but don’t know where to start. After all this is the ending of the Era’s tour.”
The crowd choked out their sobs and watery laughs.
Regulus held on tight to the ones he had with him now. The three of them who’ve stayed since he was ten meeting at the train station to take them to an old boarding school.
“This is for the lonely souls who find solace in the dark, for the ones who flew too close to the sun and got burnt.”
With one last squeeze of their hands they were off. Regulus assumed his position by the grand piano that was brought in stage, Evan by his drums and Barty and Pandora on opposite ends of Regulus.
The lights lowered and focused on the four, each decked out in black and gold with a tinge of green on some parts of their outfits.
“This one’s called….Loneliest.”
As the first chord of the song began, Regulus remembered it all.
He remembered the pain of his brother leaving without a word, he remembered him taking the sun.
He remembered the pain of being left alone in a house so cold. He remembered the nights he’d wait for a call, a text or even a bloody fucking letter.
He remembered the sun turning to ice and choosing to shine on someone else.
So he sang…
“You'll be the saddest part of me”
He sang for every hug Pandora gave him so he wouldn’t lose pieces of himself.
“A part of me that will never be mine
It's obvious”
He sang for every reassurance Barty poured into him and every threat Barty made on the two boys who ripped apart his very being.
“Tonight is gonna be the loneliest”
He sang for every tear Evan wiped for him whilst crying his own, hurting to see how his friend, his found brother, broke of a heartbreak they couldn’t understand.
“You're still the oxygen I breathe”
He sang for Sirius, his blood brother, bitterly wondering if he’s happy.
“I see your face when I close my eyes
It's torturous”
He sang for James, a boy who shined and loved like the sun but in the end left burns that scarred.
“Tonight is gonna be the loneliest”
When the final lines turned soft from the manic rage the song began in, Regulus opened his eyes to glance at the crowd.
Not an eye was left empty.
Grabbing the mic and walking to the very edge of the stage. Each of the four members gripping each other as if it was the only way to keep them from falling apart.
Standing in the centre of the stadium’s stage the band bowed as the masses screamed and sobbed and cheered.
“We wouldn’t be here without you all. Thank you.” the Italian lithe to Regulus’ voice grew prominent with emotion as he spoke.
With a bow and a few waves the four made their way off stage.
Perhaps he was just tired and emotionally drained from the last song and memories that flowed in with it or perhaps he was simply going insane.
But just as he surveyed the crowd one last time, he swore he glimpsed a head of long curly black hair and eyes a cloudy grey three hues above his standing next to a man whose smile was forever engraved in his being.
—
“THAT WAS FUCKING AMAZING!”
Dorcas Meadows, their manager and best friend screamed as they walked backstage and into their shared room, pouncing on Regulus as soon as he was within arms reach.
“You made me cry lionheart!”
Regulus groaned as she squeezed him. “Don’t we get any love Cas?” Barty dramatically sighs, putting his hand over his head and falling into Evan.
Cas rolled her very much gold dusted eyes, playfully snapping, “Oh fuck off Crouch you know I live to torture our little lionheart.”
“I despise you all.” Regulus murmured trying to free himself from the grip of the slightly shorter woman.
“Oh, you know you love us little star.” Pandora smiled, coming to wrap her arms around the taller boy which then led to Barty and Evan joining the hug.
Regulus sighed and wrapped his arms around them, exasperated at their need to smother him. He knew that this was their way of showing him their love without making him speak about the mess he was feeling.
“Now off of me, we have a last show to celebrate.”
Reluctantly they all let go but still stood close enough to feel each other’s body heat.
“Dorcas!” a girl screamed as she came racing into the room. She was covered in pink and gold from head to toe somehow managing to match Dorcas in her purple and gold pantsuit.
Marlene McKinnon, was a riot. She was Dorcas’ girlfriend for a little over a year and a successful music producer with a sharp tongue all at the age of twenty six.
“Marlene!” Dorcas ran over to hug her girlfriend which resulted in an impromptu snog session.
“Oh for fucks sake can’t you two be all lesbian and shit somewhere else.” Barty groaned out.
“You say that like you’re not gay for Evan here and fuck everywhere you get chance.” Marlene chimed in as she dragged Dorcas over to where Regulus and Pandora settled themselves on the couch, flopping down next to him with her head on his lap.
“Reggie you did wonderfully in making a cold hearted bitch like me cry.”
He couldn’t help but let out an undignified snort at that. Marlene was a wildfire that meshed ecstatically with Dorcas’ tornado of a personality. Hell, if anyone in this room was cold it would have been Regulus himself.
“I’ll take that as a compliment for all my pain and suffering, Marls.” Reg deadpanned looking down at her with a raised eyebrow.
Marlene simply grinned and went to pinch his cheeks to which he swatted away.
“Are you staying with us tonight?” Pandora enquired as she loosened her hair from its braids, letting it flow down her back in waves.
Marlene jumped up and went in front of them with a huge smile. “Oh shit right, I wanted to ask if you would like to meet my friends at The Hollow tonight, they’ve been dying to finally meet my girlfriend’s friends.”
As they all glanced at each other and nodded in agreement. It was the last night they were in England for a while so what better way to celebrate the last of the tour than to go to a pub and get shit faced after that heavy ending.
—
“Aiming for Mr. Tall, mysterious and gorgeous tonight lionheart?” Panda grinned as she linked their hands together waiting in the hotel’s lobby.
Regulus let out a low chuckle as he observed her. She wore a long satin silver dress that hugged her slender form. Her blonde hair remained in its natural waves that fell down her back.
She looked ethereal whilst Regulus himself looked reminiscent of Hades. He wore black trousers and a satin shirt with the first few buttons undone and his sleeves rolled up to show off his tattoos. Silver rings from various contents adorned his fingers.
“I was aiming to blend in. I’d rather not be seen tonight thank you.” Reg murmured as he watched Evan and Barty make their way over to them.
“Who the fuck are you dressed up for?” Barty asked, examining Regulus’ attire whilst Evan took his hands to scrutinize his rings.“Are you looking to shag someone within an inch of their life?” Evan gasped as he placed a hand on his heart.
“Awwwww did our little lionheart decide to be a slut tonight.” Dorcas and Marlene laughed as they caught up to the group.
Regulus rolled his eyes and sarcastically smiled “I much prefer the term whore actually and was hoping to fall into a threesome with the first blokes I meet.”
“Why, aren’t you touchy tonight, love.” Dorcas smirked back before she turned to head out of the hotel. “Come now children, let's go meet the others.”
Before Regulus could step foot outside the hotel Pandora tightened her hold on his arm while Evan and Barty surrounded him. “Are you sure you’re okay to go out tonight? I have a bad feeling.”
Regulus looked at Pandora before his gaze landed on Barty then Evan. “Singing that song didn’t kill me. We’ll be fine tonight. I’ll be fine tonight.”
It wasn’t the complete truth but not a blatant lie either. The truth was that Regulus was still reeling from the fact that he could have possibly seen his brother and ex boyfriend.
Though they didn’t believe he’d be completely okay, they trusted that he knew how to handle himself. Barty was the first to relent, “Alright but we’re not leaving you tonight.”
Even though they’re all adults now and it’s been years since they escaped their abusive or neglectful parents, they still couldn’t help but be overly protective of each other and have developed an almost unhealthy attachment to one another. Especially when it comes to Regulus.
Regulus, who feels so much but could only ever express them through ink. Regulus who, for them, would burn the world if it meant that his family was safe. Regulus who lost so much and deserves so much more than what he was given. Regulus who saved them and they ended up saving him along the way.
“Alright.”
—
The Hollow was an elite club in London for the rich that offered discretion and protection especially for its regular members.
To say that the quartet received a warm welcome was an understatement. The club’s staff went above and beyond with black and gold decor for the night. The finest wines and whiskeys were on display with every bartender holding a champagne bottle worth more than some mortgages.
Everyone who had anything to do with their tour was their plus more.
“Well fuck me then.” Barty mumbled.
“Later, we’re in public.” Evan replied. Before he could even register Regulus slapped him upside the head mumbling about gross friends with no decorum.
“ Boys, let’s get some drinks and find Cas and Marls yea?” Pandora, the darling saint that she is, stopped Evan from retorting and dragged him to the bar to collect their drinks.
Regulus and Barty followed behind as they watched, amused as the twins bickered about who was whose favourite.
After they got their drinks and was congratulated by the staff, Regulus took a moment to observe the floor, just watching as people moved to his music. As soon as he stepped foot in the club Pandora’s bad feeling seemed to transfer to him. And the empathic girl was always right in her feelings.
He was interrupted from his thoughts when Dorcas found them just to drag them off to a quieter place at the back of the club where a bunch of people were squished together drinking.
As soon as they made it to the table Pandora grabbed his hand as Marlene began the introductions.
He couldn’t hear anything as his eyes locked in on one’s he never thought he’d see again. A version of his own eyes that were too blue.
Sirius.
His brother was here.
His brother who he hasn’t seen in over seven years was sitting on a man he knew to be his boyfriend since Secondary.
Regulus couldn’t breathe. He felt like he was transported back to his six year old self trying desperately to get out of the lake else he drowned.
In that moment he made the uttermost mistake of looking at the man next to his brother. The man with a smile that could only be gifted by Apollo himself.
As Marlene moved on to introducing her friends, Barty and Evan joined in in holding onto Regulus lest he break in front of these strangers of another life. Finally when Marlene uttered the dreaded last of the names, his heart crumbled.
“…and this is James.”
Fuck.