Homesick
Pandora saw it first. She saw the moment that Regulus froze and his eyes connected to someone’s. She knew who it was, who he saw before his eyes flickered to the right, to the next heartbreak.
Let it be said that Pandora was never a violent person. It wasn’t within her being to rage and scream when she’s angry. She was a soft soul though most would consider her kindness for naivety. She was anything but, and in moments like this, where one of her boys are threatened…well…it’s not her fault that people underestimate her.
The moment she caught the flicker of devastation on Regulus’ face, she acted. Pushing herself in front of the completely stoic boy she gripped his wrist, not knowing who needed that sliver of comfort more, him or her.
Barty was frozen, panicking. He watched in growing horror as Regulus’ face paled and he closed in on himself. He watched as Pandora gripped Reg’s hand enough to bruise and pulled him behind her. Not like that could do much to hide the tall boy.
He was jolted from his growing horror as realization set in. Sirius fucking Black and James fucking Potter were across the table from them, faces nervous but eyes never leaving Regulus’.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Barty moved, positioning himself to further obstruct their view of the now slightly shaking boy. Evan followed soon after seeming to come back from the shock.
To them, these people were ghosts of a past none wished to revisit. They were dead and buried six feet under. They were a reminder of all the pain that led them here.
Sirius was the first to speak up, his voice startling Regulus at the emotion behind it, “Reggie?”
He couldn’t do this. Not tonight. Not now. So he did the only thing he could.
He ran.
Regulus pushed through the crowd of sweaty bodies, his breaths stuttering out in short pants. He couldn’t breathe. Sirius. Sirius was there and was Marlene’s friend. Sirius was there with his friends. With James. They were there drinking and laughing and happy.
They were happy.
He couldn’t feel his fingers or if he was even alive at that point. So he kept running and running and running until his legs crumbled from beneath him.
Collapsing in the middle of a nearby park, he dry heaved, gasping and trying desperately to find a relief for his burning lungs. His insides churned and his heart gave no rest. Tears rolled freely down his reddened cheeks and as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t stop. At times like this he resembled a frail Victorian boy left for dead.
With his head between his legs he began to rock forwards and back. Again and again until something worked. His mind spinning with thoughts too many to follow just one. His hands found themselves pulling at his hair and exposed skin. He needed to stop yet couldn’t. It was too much. The song then this.
Did he hear it? Did his brother hear him sing the song he wrote when he found he was left alone? Where he found all their pictures together left in his old bedroom. Did James hear it too? Were they there for the whole concert? Did they hear the songs he wrote about them, about Sirius and their abusive parents? About James and his inferno of a love? Did they see him bleed as he sang about all the things he’s been through?
His thoughts whirled and didn’t stop. He
needed to feel something, anything but the gnawing feeling of his insides turning inside out. He couldn’t breathe.
It was then that barely calloused hands cupped his face. It was then that he heard the scared tenor of Evan’s voice, calling to him, “I’m here little lionheart, I’m right here. I’m not leaving. I’m right here, I’m right here. Breathe for me please Reg, in and out for me. That’s good little lionheart. Come back to me. I’m right here.”
Evan repeated the mantra over and over again until Regulus looked at him, his eyes reminiscent of his star. Evan sighed as Reg placed his cold hands on Evan’s face and wiped away the tears he didn’t even know was falling.
“I’m sorry.” Regulus rasped out.
“Don’t. It’s perfectly okay to not be okay Reg.” Evan murmured as he pulled him into a bone crushing hug.
After a few minutes of Regulus focusing on his breathing he asked, “ Where’s Dora and Barty?”
“Ah fuck.”
—
It was Dorcas’ voice that finally cut through the tension, “What the ever loving fuck.”
“Regulus–” James started before he was interrupted by the girl he knew to be Pandora.
“Oh no you don’t you absolute pricks! You don’t deserve to say his name!” Her scotts accent became more pronounced as she snapped. “Evan follow him!”
In a hurry the male version of Pandora rushed out the club whilst a blessedly silent Barty stepped up next to her. Not even taking her eyes off of James and Sirius she addressed Marlene and Dorcas, “ We’re leaving. We will meet you guys at the airport tomorrow and explain. Barty let’s go.”
Before Pandora could leave a hand shot out to stop her. She paused in her tracks, her fists balled and ready. Hit first and ask questions later. That’s one thing Barty taught them all when they first met as scared kids. But by the grace of the Gods above, she waited for him to speak before acting.
“Wait! You– well…can we see him?” Sirius quickly pleaded, looking between an irate Pandora and a manically calm Barty.
“No.” Barty easily replied before trying to continue their path.
“You don’t understand we just– ” James went to continue the plea but was effectively silenced when Pandora yanked the collar of his shirt so hard that he fell in front of her.
“Listen here you pompous, entitled little creatures. None of you will see Regulus as long as we’re alive. None of you will contact him or look for him. As far as we’re concerned Reggie Arcturus Black died the moment you left him that Tuesday in August all those years ago.”
Barty grinned as Pandora spoke, nodding along enthusiastically. This was one of the rare times Pandora got angry. The last time Barty saw a rage like this was three years ago when someone tried to ruin their names. It was always a sight to behold, a storm on a warpath.
“You can’t forbid us from anything! I’m his fucking brother!” Sirius snapped coming to stand next to James as he helped him up. Remus and Peter standing just behind watching the scene unfold and waiting, just in case they needed to intervene.
“You lost that title the moment you left him in that house without at least a bloody goodbye!” Barty didn’t care if people turned to look their way, he didn’t care if people saw or heard.
It was his brother’s heart on the line again. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t see Regulus break the way he did when they were sixteen. Not again. It was something Evan, Pandora and Barty agreed on.
No one was to hurt any one of them, not anymore.
“That’s not your bloody call to make Crouch.” Sirius spat as he stepped forward into Barty’s space.
“Oh it most certainly is Black.” Pandora gritted out pulling Barty along with her. Though before she could truly think of the consequences, Dora spun around to punch Sirius, clocking him right in the nose.
“If I were you I’d listen back to the last song we played tonight. I’m sure the fans posted it and Remus here is smart enough to figure out who it’s written about.” With that last statement Pandora turned on her heel and left, clutching Barty’s hand for support.
—
Three days. It’s been three days since they came back to Italy and three days since Regulus locked himself in his room.
The trio have left him alone. Except of course when Pandora cooked for them and had to make sure Regulus’ so called exquisite pallet tasted her creations. Or when Barty and Evan would lay in the middle of his room, poorly playing bits and pieces of Andrea Bocelli, with Evan trying desperately to sing in Italian.
They’ve also of course taken to fitting themselves into Regulus’ bed, encasing him in the middle like a bloody baby. As much as they coddled him, he couldn’t completely hate it. Being raised in cold households with strict parents who boarded abusive, they ended up craving physical touch.
From the age of ten when they met at Hogwarts boarding school in the highlands of Scotland, they formed an unhealthy attachment to each other.
Pandora and Regulus found each other first, in an empty hallway at ungodly hours of the morning before dawn. Pandora was locked out of her room by her dormmates whilst Regulus was out stargazing, mourning his brother’s indifference to him. They shared that alcove until daylight peeked through, Pandora filling the silence with news of wondrous things that couldn’t be real. That didn’t mean that Regulus didn’t listen to every word she said, and Pandora saw this. Thus a friendship was born that strengthened as the years flew by.
Soon after Regulus was introduced to Evan Rosier. His first friend’s twin, whom he also shared a dorm with though they never paid much attention to each other. It was after English class that Regulus found Evan, held up by two older boys. If it was anyone else Regulus would’ve turned and left but it was his friend’s brother and Regulus quite liked Pandora and her oddities. It was then that the manipulation his older cousin taught him was finally useful.
After that day Evan began relaxing in the Black heir’s presence and soon enough, he joined his twin and Regulus on their nightly excursions.
Barty was the last to join the group. He too was dorming with the boys but stuck to himself. It was only by chance that Barty stumbled upon a crying Regulus in one of the unused bathrooms of the castle.
Regulus was walking behind his brother and his friends, about to call out to Sirius when he heard him call the boy with round glasses and tan skin his brother. Regulus’ heart gained a crack that day. It was Barty that found him and comforted him. He stayed and listened then swore himself a friendship with the boy.
The four of them found themselves curled up in that alcove on the seventh floor of the castle for many nights to come. Spilling secrets as the years rolled on and swearing to the Gods of their loyalty to eachother. They shared their knowledge and learnt how to fight, how to fix wounds and plotted their escape plans. The biggest decisions were made in that little space of comfort before the times of dawn where the world would spin again.
It was on that fourth day or rather night that they made him bathe and change before dragging him into their library. It seemed that his time of avoidance was up.
Dropping himself to sit on the floor before their floor to ceiling glass window, he sighed as he leaned his back against it.
Pandora came to sit opposite him, her bass in hand. Evan came up to his right and plopped down onto the floor, ruffling Regulus’ hair on the way. Slapping Evan’s hand away he grabbed his guitar from Barty who threw Evan his drumsticks before settling on his left with his own electric guitar.
This was how they worked. They played out their emotions until the overflow of feeling everything all at once fades, a diminuendo.
“Let’s record this one.” Regulus murmured as he tuned his guitar.
“All platforms?” Pandora asked as Evan jumped up to sort out the camera and mics.
“All platforms.” Regulus confirmed.
As they all settled in, Evan cued Regulus on when to begin. His raspy voice sounded through the library as he began.
“Two months since you got back
How have you been and are you bored yet?”
His voice wasn’t as soft as it was when he first wrote the song in the back of Barty’s pick-up truck on the grounds of Hogwarts. It was right after their first performance in the grimy pub of Hog’s head for their classmates, professors and any strays in the area.
“I swear I feel my organs failing
I stopped caring 'bout a month ago
Since then, it's been smooth sailing”
It was months after Sirius left and months after Pandora broke up with her girlfriend and James broke up with him. It was after they all moved to a different city they didn’t know of and the hurt simmered to a throb. He wrote it with a few months to go until his own graduation.
“I would leave if only I could find a reason
I’m mean because I grew up in New England”
He left his house. He took a chance and got out, never looking back at that horrible place. He sang for what could’ve been, grateful for that producer who was on holiday to step into the pub for a drink. He sang for his friends who escaped with him. They were eachothers reasons.
“And I will die in the house that I grew up in”
Reggie Arcturus Black son of Walburga and Orion Black died in his bathroom at Grimmauld Place in London when he was sixteen. Though, somewhere in the Scottish highlands Regulus “little lionheart” Black was born with his band of misfits.
“I’m homesick”