In A Small World
Sirius was suddenly everywhere. After the weeks of disappearing, it was like he had spawned back in Remus’ life. Remus would see him in the street and cross the road to avoid him, his traitorous heartbeat never failing to thunder everytime Remus caught sight of those eyes and that hair. He was also around the pub. Around being the operative word. He would walk past it when Remus was on shift, and Remus would see him approach the door, slow down, and then walk away, as if he had to force himself to stay away.
The Tuesday two weeks after Sirius’ shock Wednesday appearance, Remus came in for his shift after his day off and Dorcas was standing behind the bar, fiddling with her phone next to the speaker. “Ah! Remus, just the man I want. Come and put some tunes on, I beg.” Dorcas said, beaming at him, revealing her dimples. Her hair was braided, and they fell down her back, and swayed around as she gestured him over.
“Alright then, hand it over.” Remus said, holding his hand out for her phone. He was scrolling through her spotify when- “He came in yesterday. Asked about you, as if he knew it was your day off. Didn’t stay long. Ordered a pint but didn’t drink it and overpaid massively.” Remus didn’t have to ask who ‘he’ was. What was Sirius doing? He had never had this before. His only long-term anything had been Fenrir, and that had been… something else, to say the least.
“What is he playing at?” Remus asked, mainly to himself, as he curated a playlist, and pressed play. Florence’s low, lovely voice filled the space.
You hit me once, I hit you back…
“If you ask me, I think he regrets it.” Dorcas ventured slowly. It was clear Mary had told them all everything, and Dorcas was clearly worried he would be upset that she knew without him saying it to her. “Oh?” Remus said, turning and leaning against the bar, raising his eyebrows in a silent gesture for her to continue. She hopped up on the bar beside him, swinging her legs. It was an hour until open and they should really be rushing around to get the place prepared, but Tuesday early evening was never busy and they knew they had time.
“I mean… a bracelet is always a romantic gift when given in those circumstances, especially one so personalised, and if you ask me, Sirius clearly had some sort of feelings for you, and likely thought you didn’t feel the same and he decided to end it before he got in too deep. I know I’ve been there before, accidentally baring my heart to someone who definitely didn’t feel the same about me, so I just upped and ran away, pretending it never happened. And now I think he misses you, and he regrets his decision, or has come to some sort of conclusion, and he wants you back, in some form or another.”
Remus doubted it. He really, really doubted. Somehow, Sirius seemed above things as silly and sentimental as feelings. He made as much clear to Dorcas, who whacked him on the shoulder and told him not to be stupid. Remus shoved her back, laughing, and they started preparing for open in earnest.
*
Hammering on his door pulled Remus from sleep at three in the morning the next sunday night. Bleary eyed and clad only in his pants, he ran down the stairs and yanked the door open, just to get the infernal banging to stop. On his doorstep was Sirius, wild-eyed and crying, face red and splotchy, hair in disarray.
“Remus, Remus, I’m sorry. I know you hate me right now and you have every right to do so and I hate to do this but I have no other choice. I need you- I really fucking need you right now.” as Sirius spoke his voice broke and he started sobbing, his chest heaving on Remus’ doorstep. The freezing night air seeped in and wrapped Remus in its cruel embrace, causing gooseflesh to erupt all over him. He didn’t know what to do. He was still half asleep, half his brain still in the dream he had been woken up from, and he sort of just stared at Sirius in shock.
“I have a family emergency. Like a really big one, and I need you to watch Harry for me. Please. I know I have no right to ask but I have nowhere else to go and I need to get to the hospital right fucking now.” Sirius curled in on himself, wrapping his arms around his stomach, bowing forward like he had been stabbed in the stomach and Remus’ heart shattered at the sight before him. “Please, please, Remus.”
Sirius sounded so small and broken. Without really thinking, Remus opened his arms and Sirius fell into them, gripping Remus’ bare back with sharp nails, soaking his shoulder with tears. “Where's the bairn?” Remus asked, when Sirius had calmed down a bit. “At- at home. He’s still asleep. I can bring him here? Do you have somewhere for him to sleep? Or you can come and sleep on my sofa? I just- Remus I have to go now.”
“Okay, okay, okay. Dinnae fash, Sirius. Let me put some clothes on, and I’ll be round in a tic.” Sirius nodded and ran down the stairs, and Remus entered his house in a daze. He took the stairs two at a time and threw on yesterday’s clothes, still on the floor, and grabbed his phone. He thanked god the next day was his one day off as he ran back down the stairs, grabbed a hoodie from the radiator, and his keys from the dish by the front door and went over to Sirius’. The door was shut but unlocked and swung open beneath his gentle knocking, and Remus went straight up the stairs. The door to Sirius room was open, and light spilled out into the dark corridor. Sirius was rushing around frantically, throwing clothes into a duffel bag.
“Remus! Harry usually wakes up around seven. Eat anything in the fridge. He’ll tell you what he wants for breakfast. I’m hoping I’ll be back in time to take him to school, but if I’m not, he can mostly dress himself, and it's fine if he’s late, I’ll call in and explain. I have to run, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, for everything.” Then Sirius all but flew down the stairs, and disappeared out of the front door. Remus heard the rev of an engine, and hadn’t even known they had a car. Sirius’ proximity and frantic energy had gotten to Remus, and he knew he wasn’t getting back to sleep any time soon. He poked his head into Harry’s room, but the boy was sleeping peacefully, so he retreated back downstairs, staring at the sofa for a few seconds, remembering what happened last time he was there, before stretching out on it, his feet hanging off the edge, and going on his phone.
Remus
Mary you won't believe where I am
Remus
Will explain all soon
Remus
Not too sure what just happened to be honest.
Remus
Answer to the first message is Sirius’ house, btw. Not sure how to feel.
Remus
He’s so beautiful, Mary [message deleted by sender]
*
At Seven on the dot, Remus was startled from a light doze by Harry crying "Moony!”
“Huh? Shit.” Remus sighed. Harry was dressed in blue superman pyjamas and his hair stuck up wildly. Clearly, Sirius was not back yet. Remus went to text him, and realised he had never gotten Sirius’ number. They had never needed to use phones to contact each other, and asking for a number when it wasn’t needed sort of implied more than ‘casual’, so neither of them ever had. “Fucking wankering bollocks.” Remus muttered under his breath, heaving himself up off the sofa and walking towards Harry.
“Where’s pads?” Harry asked, suddenly looking scared, a tell-tale wobble to his lower lip.
“Sirius had to go off on a super secret mission,” Remus said, feeling stupid, but not sure what else to do. “And he asked me to come over and look after you, okay? And I know you’re a good boy, aren’t you Harry? And you’re going to help me make you breakfast and get you dressed and get you to school, okay?” Harry sucked in a breath and for a second Remus thought the waterworks were going to begin, but instead the young boy gave a small nod and whispered an ‘okay’ that had none of his usual enthusiasm.
“Good man. What can we start with?”
“Can I have a hug?” Harry asked, so politely, and he looked so frightened, Remus melted. He opened his arms and Harry ran into them, barreling into Remus, who stooped last minute and picked him up, cradling the boy against his chest. God, he had missed Harry. He hadn’t realised how much.
“I missed you Moony.” Harry said into his chest, muffled by Remus’ t-shirt. It was like he’d read Remus’ mind.
“I’ve missed you too, kid.” Remus held onto him tightly.
*
There were a surprisingly small number of mishaps in the adventure of getting Harry to school dressed, fed and in one piece. The teacher at the primary school gate had looked very suspiciously at Remus, who had tried to explain he was being neighbourly and that there was an emergency. She tutted and muttered something under her breath about Sirius and Remus remembered his rant from months ago about how he wasn’t taken seriously as a parent. It upset him more than he thought it would. More than it likely should, if he was as over Sirius as he liked to try and tell himself.
Sirius was inside when Remus let himself back into his house to clean up the mess he and Harry had left behind. He was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, his head in his hands, taking slow, audibly shaking breaths. He raised his head when Remus walked in and he looked distraught. Pain was etched into every pore, it was written across his whole face.
“Okay, come on, up you get then.” Remus took him by the bicep and helped him to stand, before steering him into the kitchen and lowering him into a chair at the small dining table. He poured Sirius a mug of tea and placed in front of him a bowl of the sweet porridge he had made for Harry’s breakfast.
“I am going tae go and clean up Harry’s room. When I come back down, that tea better have been drunk, and that porridge better have been eaten, alright?” Remus said firmly, waiting to see Sirius pick up the spoon and begin to feed himself before he left. Sirius’ bedroom door was shut when Remus walked past, and he could have sworn he heard breathing from behind, but he resisted temptation to peek his head round, and instead dutifully tidied Harry’s room, making the bed before returning downstairs, to an empty mug and bowl, and Sirius staring blankly into space.
“You are going to bed.” Sirius shook his head violently and opened his mouth. Remus cut him off. “Whoever may be in your room is asleep. You are going tae go tae my house, and you are going tae sleep in my bed, and I am going tae stay in this kitchen, and keep an eye on whoever it is that needs keeping an eye on, okay? And when you wake up and feel calmer you can come back here, and we can talk about it, if you want tae.” Remus used the tone he used to use with the school drug dealers, with the police, when he was weaselling his way out of trouble. No one argued with him when he used that voice. Sirius nodded dumbly, and Remus took him to his own house. Seemingly unable to function by himself, Sirius just stood and let Remus strip him down to his t-shirt and pants and gently lay him down in Remus’ bed. Remus tried not to focus on how beautiful he looked in Remus’ bed, how his black hair and pale skin contrasted so perfectly with Gran’s multicoloured quilt, and instead waiting for Sirius’ breathing to even out before he grabbed his laptop, shut the door and quietly crept out of the house, and settled himself back into Sirius kitchen.
He checked the kitchen, made a note of the ingredients, googled some recipes and started meal prepping. The best thing that had happened in the immediate wake of Gran’s passing was when one of the neighbours, who had overheard the arrival of the ambulance and Remus’ conversation with the paramedics, had bought Remus three trays of lasagne. It had been all Remus had eaten, not even bothering to reheat it, but it had kept him alive, as man cannot sustain himself on tobacco alone, and it was singularly one of the kindest acts anyone had ever done for him before he had come to Bristol. He remembered it now, as he set about trying to make a sausage pasta bake with what Sirius had in his fridge, snooping in cupboards to find the right utensils and fighting a losing battle with the posh induction hob, as he was only used to using gas stoves. Soon enough though, the kitchen was permeated by a delicious smell, and by the time Sirius re-entered, three hours later, a large casserole dish lay steaming in the middle of the table, making Remus’ mouth water. “Eat first.” he had said when Sirius had sat down, still looking shell shocked. Remus had served him a generous portion and watched closely as Sirius managed to get half of it down before he turned a bit green at the edges. Then, the two of them sat in silence, as Remus waited for his explanation- for any of it. For the end of their shagging, for being ignored, for not being ignored anymore, for being woken up in the middle of the night.
“I have a brother-” Sirius began, before the agonsing sound of wailing rose from upstairs.