Drowning in feelings
“Let’s play truth or dare” Mary said loudly while drinking a big chug of liquor. I immediately thought about all the things that could go wrong in this situation. You smiled with your entire face and almost screamed yes. Lily agreed and I was the only one left to say answer the question. I looked hesitantly at the others and you looked at me with such a pleading look, like you were so excited to do it and I couldn’t say no to you. So, I agreed.
The game started tame, Lily asked Mary who the best person she’s ever kissed was and she said some guy from home. This information made you extremely offended, I found it adorable, but we all laughed at your crushed face. Lily admitted having had a crush on me which was new information and everyone’s eyes almost bulged out of their eye sockets. A cold breeze brushed past us at some point you had moved closer to me at the coldness searching for warmth. I smiled down at you and let my hand wander closer to your hand beside mine. They were almost touching; our pinkies were now overlapping. I looked at your face to find some sort of negative reaction telling me to back off but the only thing I was meet with was a content smile on your face.
“So Rem truth or dare?” You asked me with a hint of mischief in your eyes. Crickets were singing all around us and the warm summer breezed tickled our flushed cheeks. Your hair flew around your face as I was trying to decide what to answer and I have to admit the movement in your hair made the thinking process a lot harder than it should be.
“Truth”
“Have you slept with someone?” You asked as you moved your thigh closer to mine. I felt myself starting to flush and looked into your eyes. Our overlapped pinkies crooked together; my ring finger were brushing against your palm. Our secret movements were not known to anyone else and maybe that was what made it so thrilling. It was barley a touch at all but it still felt like such a big thing.
“Yes” I said taking a chug of the bottle. Lily swished her head in my direction with her eyes widened. Some of her fierce red hair got stuck in her lip gloss and she took up her freckled filled fingers to swipe the hair away.
“You didn’t tell us?” She asked me while looking absolutely mortified, I shrugged passing the bottle towards you. You let out a chuckle and leaned your head against the tree behind us. Your black curls bounced around your face as you smiled to yourself.
“Lily truth or dare?” I asked her instead of continuing the conversation, trying to steer it away from my sex life and how extremely offended Lily was about me not telling her. Honestly I hadn’t thought to much of it, it was not a big thing and I hadn’t found it worth making a fuss about it. She however had clearly other feelings about the situation.
The dark night had wrapped us into a blanket and while Mary was lighting up a cigarette. She took a deep breath with the cigarette between her red painted lips. A cloud of smoke flowed into the night air. You nodded towards her, and she gave you one. You placed it between your lips with your other hand never separating out linked pinkies.
I felt a hand fishing in my front jeans pocket, I didn’t have to look down to know that it was yours. You always have had these careful touches. You pulled out a lighter and lit your cigarette. Copying Marys actions breathing in.
“Dare” She answered after not even a second of thinking.
“I dare you to drink a little bit of the pond water” Lily gasped, I smirked and nodded towards a little pond a few meters away from us. She showed me her middle finger and wobblily walked to the pond. She looked like she was ready to fall in with the dark night sky reflected in the water and making it hard to see what was grass and what was liquid. She plopped down on her knees and leaned down while holding up her hair with her slender hands as she dipped her face in the water and swallowed some with the bob of her throat. Mary laughed loudly and screamed out a be careful Love. I could feel you shaking with laughter next to me.
“Remus John Lupin it is time for revenge” She said as she walked back to us and sat down beside Mary while gave me the nasties death glare I have ever received and I prepared to get humiliated. Lily always needs revenge and her revenge was always terrible. I should have known better than to mess with the red head.
“Remus truth or dare” I couldn’t risk saying dare and having to eat grass or lick her boot (Which has both happened, I’m telling you she is ruthless) so I said truth.
“Tell us in detail about how you lost your virginity” she said and I remember noticing you freeze next to me. I glanced at you and saw your eyes wider than before, and your legs had started to bounce nervously. Without putting much thought into the action I placed a hand on your bare knee to stop the shaking of your leg to rub against my jeans clad thigh.
“Well it was in October two years ago, my friend Peter’s sister had made fake ID to us so we sneaked into a club. We were dancing together drunk out of our minds when some dude approached me and started telling me about how my scars were such a turn on. Honestly, I thought he was making fun of me so I sort of looked at him and told him to fuck off. He chuckled at that and told me he liked them fierce. Then he took my hands, and we started dancing, the dude was all over me he was fucking grinding his ass into my cook and I was like fuck this shit is hot. Then he turned around and we started to make out, fucking teeth and all thought he was trying to eat my face. But I kind of liked it he was possessive and shorter than me had black hair, a lot like Sirius’s actually and he led me to a bathroom. He locked us in a stall and threw my pants down and started to suck my cook, it felt fucking amazing by the way. One thing led to another and suddenly we was pressed to the sink with my cook buried in him” Lily gasped and Mary patted my back and told me how much of a whore I am.
“The first time you fucked someone you were in a bathroom in a club?” Mary shrieked and I just laughed it off. So much for trying to lead the conversation away from my love life. It was normal to tell everything to each other and I wouldn’t have a single problem with it if it wasn’t with you. I wanted you to like me not judge me because of my ways of losing my so called virginity. I looked at you expecting a judgmental glare or something alike it. Instead your face was red as a tomato and your eyes were blown even wider. I noticed that you were squirming and moving around. I also noticed my hand on your knee and how every time I came to an exiting part I had squeezed it. My face now matched your flustered expression, and I quickly took my hand away from your burning thigh.
I muttered a sorry, our pinkies were no longer attached. I felt the loss immediately. A bird flew past us singing some sort of melody. Your flushed face was lighting up the entire night. I was so focused on you that I almost forgot to ask the next question.
“Mary truth or dare” I said and the game continued. We became a lot more drunk and the night just became blacker and blacker. We played for probably another hour when Mary asked you.
“Sirius truth or dare” You bit your lip and did what assume must me thinking over the options until you settled for dare. Mary and Lily started to whisper to each other before they settled on something together. You flushed out expression was somewhat gone and you no longer taking over your entire face.
“I dare you to skinny dip in the lake with whoever losses rock, paper, scissors between Lily and Remus” You groaned, but Lily and I just laughed this was the next most common one of our dares next to the Switch clothes with the person next to you. This time though it was different because I was now for sure going to see you naked, but what I was most interested in was the neckless you always wore. I felt my heart miss a beat as you pouted, and Lily moved over to me to play the game.
A gush of wind hit us as we started playing. ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’ We both took rock. I inhaled a sharp breath not knowing if I wanted to win or lose. We played a second round and this time Lily choose rock while I took scissors which sadly meant that I would be the one to take the bath. Mary clapped delighted and laughed out loud. She found everything ten times funnier every time she was under the influence of the liquid. It is always our greatest source of comedy.
“Looks like you will need to skinny dip together” Lily practically sings as she lifts one of her red eyebrows. I was suddenly nervous, you would see everything of me and I would see everything of you. It would probably be our only chance to be in each other’s presence without our attire. We walked over to the side of the pond and started shrugging our shirts off. The silver metal underneath your shirt was now fully showing. You had a lion zodiac sign charm, I desperately wanted to feel it between my fingertips, to feel the cool silver between my warm skin. Maybe even put it between my lips. I wondered how it would feel to kiss your collarbones. My eyes roamed over your beauty marks once again taking every detail in as if it were the first time I saw them.
I snapped out of my thoughts by you pulling your trousers down. I repeated your actions and in no time, we were both standing there naked. I tried to stop my eyes from roaming over your body but I simply couldn’t help myself. You were the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my entire life. I think everyone thought you were attractive because you are. But id like to think that I see you in a different light, because to me you were not just an attractive person to me you were fucking everything.
You lit up the night with your once milky skin that had become a red sunburnt colour. Your black curls were hanging loosely around your shoulders and your arms were wrapped around your stomach trying to minimalize the amount of skin you were showing. I stood completely still and stared at you, if it were anyone else than you it would probably be creepy. Lily and Mary were laughing and cheering us on while sharing a new cigarette.
Your grey eyes meet mine, you were staring so intensely at me, your eyes openly roaming over my bare body. I would usually feel self-conscious but with you I wanted to share everything, so I whispered ‘are you ready’ and we turned around to jump into the mushy water. I started walking into the lake with you right by my heels. I did not have to look back to know that you were following me I could feel your presence looming behind me. Like a shadow or a guardian angel. We continued down into the water we were now standing waist deep into the warm water. The water was covered in some sort of plants, I could not care less about them because my eyes were on you.
“Let’s dip our heads together” You said walking closer to me. The sounds of Mary and Lily in the background fading, all my focus were as usual on you. You took my hands in yours and we just stood there for a moment hand in hand looking at each other. An urge came to me it was itching me to touch you in any other way than just our hands. You pulled your lip between your teeth and I thought I was going to die.
“Get in the water!” Mary screamed laughing and we snapped out of our haze and dipped into the lake. Your hands tightened around mine but you never let go. We pushed out of the water laughing and you splashed a wave of water at me. I let out a loud shriek and without a second though I jumped at you splashing a ton of water and pushing your body under the surface for only a few seconds. Our stark-naked bodies laid under the black water pressed against each other. I could feel your skin stretching against mine and you wrapped a pair so slender arms around my neck to not fall deeper into the depth of the lake. We got out over the surface with each other’s arms wrapped around one another. Your face was carefree a huge grin spreading on your cheeks.
After plenty of laughter and splashing of water resulting in Mary and Lily also getting drenched despite still being in their clothes and on land we got out of the water. You were shaking after being in the water for what felt about hours. The warmth of the water had turned into an icy cold after only minutes of being in it. Cooling us down to the bones. We ran up to the trees and took on our dry clothes on drenched skin. The fabric sticked onto my skin and I just looked at you. You were laughing at something Mary said with your shirt almost see through on your stomach and back.
“We need to get up and get changed wait here” Mary said laughing while wobblingly standing up offering a hand to Lily to help her get up. They rushed away towards the house laughing. You stood there and looked after them. I turned to you.
“Are you cold?” I asked you because I could see you shaking, because I was feeling the cool creeping over my bones.
“A little bit” You shrugged trying to not make it look like my statement was right. You sat down on the ground and wrapped your hands around your bent knees. I sat down beside you. Your eyes roamed over my face and you lifted your hand up but hesitated mid motion. I took your hand in mine and lifted it towards my face. With your hand in mine caressing my face I felt at home again. It sounds cheesy even though it’s true. With trees surrounding us and the night’s sounds filling the garden I felt at ease.
“You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen” I said searching for something in your softened gaze. Your lips parted and I moved your hand from my face, I let go your palm and lifted my hand to trace your cheeks. The smooth skin of your cheek heated up at the contact letting a pink flush take over them.
“You really mean that” You leaned forward, your gaze dropped to my lips.
“Of course I mean that” You licked your lips and your eyes moved up to meet mine again. You opened your mouth to tell me something.
“Do you know that the first time I saw you, I really liked you?” My heart stopped along with my hand on your cheek. I moved my hand to hoover over your lip, my mind racing with questions about your actions. Everything about this is screaming that you like me, but I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around it. It was almost too good to be true. I pressed down and parted your bottom lip from your upper lip. My rough skin of my hand pressed against your smooth lip. Your breath hitched.
“I did not know that love” I smiled at your blissed out expression knowing that I was the one that made you like this. Finally seeming to grasp the concept of returned feelings.
“Now you know, would you like to do something about it?” You said slightly muffled from where my hands pressed onto your mouth. It was like something snapped then and there because I leaned forward, and your lips meet mine. It was nothing like I’ve ever imagined. Nothing like anyone else I’ve ever kissed. Our lips moved in sync and your arms moved around my neck. Your nails scratched the skin under my hairline. I moaned into your lips at the feeling. I wrapped my hands around your waist and pulled your body into my lap.
Our crotches brushed against each other, and you let out a little whimper. I thought I was about to come from the sound only. We kissed each other until I couldn’t breathe. Remus Lupin dead at 17, cause of death Sirius Black. Seemed like a good way to go so instead of breaking apart I kissed you even more enthusiastically.
“Remus” You let out with a groan between kisses. You pleaded my name so wonderfully and I thought I was about to die. You started to rock your hips against me. I opened my mouth and moaned into the kiss. Your plump lips started to suck on my bottom lip. I groaned. I loved every second of being with you.
“Remus, Sirius are you there?” I heard Lily scream from a few meters away. “Shit” You jumped out of my lap and stood up next to me. Your lips were red, and your entire face was flushed. I didn’t think Lily would see the change in appearance. I was still completely flabbergasted by the kiss. Never had I thought that you would in any way feel the same about me. I was over the moon just by the kiss.
“Our parents left like an hour ago Remus mother invited us to sleep here, do you want to have a sleep over?” She asked.
Minutes later we were sitting in my room with an extra mattress on the floor. Lily and Mary were sitting on it next to the open window with once again cigarettes in their hands. Sirius was laying in my bed hair sprawled out on the pillow. The redness from our kiss had gone down slightly not that you would be able to see anything in the dark room. The moon shined into the room reflecting the trees outside along with the lake we just bathed in. We changed our clothes; you didn’t have any spare ones so you were now laying on my bed with my T- shirt. You were basically drowning in it, you looked adorable in it. I wanted to kiss you on the spot, we both knew that that was not an option though. I especially didn’t know if you would have wanted me to kiss you.
We hadn’t had time to talk about it so I have no idea to where you stand. “Its getting late I am going to sleep now” Mary said yawning and putting out her cigarette in an ashtray. Lily joined her and not a long time later there were heard snoring from their place on the mattress.
“Shall we go to sleep?” I whispered to you. You smiled up at me and put out your cigarette. I climbed in under the covers of my bed with you joining me only seconds later. I felt your fingertips itching towards my collarbone. Despite your cold fingers my skin heated up at the contact. I smiled cheesily at you.
“Are you okay with this” You whispered in my ear trailing your hand up and down against my neck. I moved closer to you and lifted my hand towards your hair. I’ve always wanted to drag my fingers through it and now is my chance. So I did just that and itched my face closer to yours at the same time. No shame took over me, no second thoughts. I felt completely safe with you in my presence. I did whatever came to mind without being scared to scare you off or to ruin anything that’s going on between us. You closed your eyes and leaned into my touch, the small confirmation that you liked it made my heart feel fuzzy and warm.
“I am okay with anything you do” You smiled and opened your eyes again, I could se it in your face that you had a question.
“Remus, did you mean to kiss me? Would you do it again?”
“I would do it a million times, over and over again. I have never wanted anything more love”
“I love it when you call me love, I never told you”
“You never did, but I wish you had. I would have said it more” I whispered in your ear, you smiled and snuggled even closer to me. Laying your head on my chest.
“Do you want this to happen repeatedly?” You whispered in my ear.
“Do you mean to make out and get interrupted or something else?” You slapped my arm and smiled even wider, pressing your face to the side of mine. Not really kissing it but just snuggling into me.