Water
The lake was illuminating the clouds in the sky, the trees on the waters edge and the big yellow sun. You jumped off the bike from behind me making your curls slightly bounce in the wind. Your cheeks were flushed from the heat and the bike ride to the water. Your skin was permanently red around your cheeks and nose from a sunburn.
Your skin was probably not used to the scolding sun and instead of a soft brown tan like i had you were a slight shade of red. Your curls always got messier and messier each time we met it was like you cared less and less about the way you looked in the summer.
It used to happen to me, I think in the beginning of the summer of how I am going to properly brush my hair everyday and take care of myself, not forget the sunscreen and such but eventually your routines from the school years just falls away and you are free from duties and making yourself look presentable. Even though you seemingly started to care a little bit less of your appearance you were just as beautiful as before if not even more now.
You looked like you belong here with me, in Italy, in this town, by this lake, by my lake. I couldn’t pull my eyes off from you.
“This is amazing Remus” you said returning my look, We threw out shirts off and you ran over to a rock slightly in the water. “Can you dive from this?” You asked me, I had done it plenty of times myself so I nodded and watched you leap from the stone in to the water in a majestic dive. I have never been able to dive as straight as you even though I have tried at least a hundred times, worked on my diving technique since I found this place.
I jumped in soon after you, the water consumed me. Ate me whole and I reveld in the feeling of being surrounded by the liquid. I feelt your foot hit my ancle and the subtle brush of skin against skin contact sent a jolt of electricity coursing through my body.
“Ops sorry” You apologized as you once again accidently grazed my skin with yours, I wished that you wouldn’t apologize for it. I wanted you to touch me all the time, enjoy it as much as I did and not be ashamed of that want. At this point id like to think that I knew that the feeling of belonging and the pull between us was mutual, but I can never be to sure of how I felt. Like we have explored together my mind is a place of chaos and destruction, not a place to know exactly how you are always feeling.
We continued swimming in the water and the sun started to lower in the horizon leaving a golden shimmer over the lake. Your skin and hair reflected the light making you look like you sparkled. You looked like a Greek god or the sun. The star named Sirius can surely be another galaxy’s sun, like our sun is a star that lights up our galaxy. Id like to think that I was the galaxy you lit up, the Sirius sun to my galaxy of planets, I needed you to light up my existence.
Before you were there the creatures on my planets were used to the cold but as the sun took over evolution also took over the creatures. They got accustomed to the heat and started depending on it. If you disappeared now the creatures would die because now that you have been here there is no going back.
We were standing with the water up to our waist when you started to walk over to me without stopping, I was frozen. I didn’t know what to do or how to act as you were creeping closer and closer to me. You stopped millimeters from my body, our chests were almost touching when I saw the leaf in your hair. I reached out to slowly thread the leaf from your hair as you stared into my eyes. I cannot pretend that I didn’t let my hand graze your face more than was necessary as I picked away the dirt from your hair.
You didn’t seem to mind my small touches because you subtly leaned into them, most people wouldn’t notice the slight tilt of your head, but I had never paid so much attention to one person in my entire life, so of course I noticed it. I threw away the leaf without lifting my hand from your face. I wrapped my fingers around your chin and simply held your face. My mind was blank. Why didn’t I let go you may have thought at the time or maybe you knew just the reason to why I held onto you.
I was lost in the blue pool of your eyes, and I could not focus on anything but you. Our faces were mere millimeters apart and I am now sure that we could have shared our first kiss in that moment. But a white swan decided to fly right pass us. It was unusual to see such gorgeous creatures by the lake and if it hadn’t interrupted my moment with you that I craved so much I might have thought about the graceful swish of its wings.
Your gaze snaped away from me to the swan and my eyes followed yours. I dropped my hand releasing what I had done. I had worried about your rection in wane because now I know you wanted it just as much as me. I wish you would have told me earlier, the time I spent with you as a lover was much to short. I think back about every moment with you daily, during the cold winter nights in December my mind is blessed with the warm and light memory of you and the summer.
My frequent thoughts of you must be the reason I can recall all these moments with you in such detail even after all this time. You have never ever left my mind Sirius Black. Even when my mind is occupied with the English literature exams and the future you were always at the back of my mind. What are you doing? How are you? Why? Is questions I often asks myself and they are now familiar and comforting. Wondering about you helped me escape my boring existence. My life feels almost pointless without you. I eat, learn and sleep but I don’t live.
I can never be the same as I was before you and I am starting to come with terms of the concept because even if our time was so limited you were the biggest thing to happen to me. The plot of my book.
After our momentarily show of emotions and rawness you blushed a deeper shade of red I had ever seen, you looked down at the water covering your stomach and mumbled something. I couldn’t catch it. I chuckled awkwardly and desperately tried to find something to talk about to break the silence.
“You should come over tonight” I said to you. Your eyes snapped to mine; you had an uncertain look in your eyes. Strands of black hair that had curled up into defined curls covered the beauty mark on you cheek.
“I mean Lily, Mary and their families are coming you and Alphard should come too”
“You and Mary have no bad blood right?”
“It should be fine to meet her again?”
My questions kept flowing out of my mouth and all bravery and boldness slowly fading from my voice. Maybe it was a stupid question to ask.
“How could I turn down an opportunity to hang out with you?” Yous said and winked. It was so like how you act with the girls that is absorbed with your charm. It caught me of guard. I was upset to be treated to them because sure I had wanted you to treat me like you treated Mary, but I didn’t want to be one of your flings. I wanted you to be mine and to keep you forever on a deeper emotional level. I furrowed my eyebrows and let put a huff.
“I and Mary are merry friends now didn’t you know” You said a teasing smile on your face. I huffed again. I felt a burning pitch in my stomach.
“I’m sure you are” I said quirking an eyebrow. You huffed out a laugh.
“We are! There is nothing bad between us, we just didn’t quite work out” You defended yourself, to my horror (or utter delight) You placed a hand on my bice and pushed lightly. I let out a laugh.
“So you’re coming?”
“Of course, Remus” You said while you looked up at me through your thick lashes and wet hair. A droplet of water was hanging on for dear life on the bottom of your nose.
“Be there at eight then love” I said, some love god called Eros must have shot me with his arrows because never in my life had I ever called someone ‘love’
“Yepp I’ll tell Alphard” I was thrilled that you wanted to spend time with me but I couldn’t help but notice that the water was becoming cold. There was goosebumps forming on your arms and your teeth started to clatter together very subtly.
“Then I will have to head home to tell mum you are coming too”
We made our way out of the water and pushed our dry clothes on our dripping bodies. Your wet short became see through and I am sure mine were the same because your gaze was flicking towards my chest an awful lot of times. If only I knew sweetheart. I wish I did.
You sat behind me on my bike, and I drove you home. The gravel crunching beneath my tires with trees passing by. Your arms were wrapped around my torso more surely this time and after a while you placed your chin on my shoulders. Black hair mixing with light brown.
“I love this Remus” You whispered in my ears sending shivers down my spine. I let a smile take over my face.
“Me too Sirius” and I realized that if I died right now I would have died happily. I felt soft lips brush against my neck slightly, they were feather light, my heart skipped at least three beats at the action. I wanted to confirm that I liked it but at the same time I didn’t want to say anything to ruin the moment, so I leaned back in your touch. I tilted my head in your direction with the corner of my mouth tilted upside.
“Eyes on the road” you whispered again. This time more quietly and more directly in my ear. I huffed out a chuckle and looked back at the road ahead of us. The warm air surrounding us like a pillow.
When we arrived, you jumped of my bike and we heard Alphard’s booming voice from inside screaming at the television in French, it was probably a movie on, Alphard always gets very interested in the plot as you know.
“I will see you in a few hours then.”
“Yes, you will” You leaned forward and wrapped your arms around my neck your chest pressing to mine in a slightly awkward angle because I was still sitting on the bike. The smell of you shampoo filled my nostrils and with my hands wrapped around your waist I felt at home.
You let me go and started walking inside the yellow house you share with Alphard. I stood there watching you until you were at the door. You turned around and looked at me with a glistering look in your eyes.
“I’m looking forward too it” you said as you opened the door and slipped inside without letting me answer. I stood and stared at your door for a few minutes trying to make out my emotions. Because that was not a just friends experience at all. At least I wished it wasn’t. I desperately wanted you to like me the way I liked you.
I biked home with only one thing on my mind. I think you know what or rather who it was.
When I got home, I told my parents you were joining. They were delighted, they have always loved you. They started fussing about what I was wearing and made me promise to change into a dress shirt later. I decided that I needed a shower too wash away the lake water, so I stepped onto the cold tiles in my bathroom and turned on the shower in my bathtub. The water had not heated up yet, but I couldn’t bother to wait.
The cold water droplets dripped down onto my skin and weighting down my curly hair with water. I dragged my scared hands over my face and tried not to think about how cold it was. I poured mint shampoo in my hands and started massaging it into my scalp. I couldn’t help but imagine you doing it. Your pale hands in my hair seemed like a dream scenario. I imagined your smile as you told me about your day. Your wild gestures you do with your hand that I’ve learned you do when you get exited or passionate about something.
I stepped out of the shower after adding conditioner and some curl cream Mary bought me. She said it works wonders for her and even if I don’t have the same curl structure or hair type as her, she was convinced it would make my curl pattern more defined. I only use it for special occasions and usually a dinner with Mary and Lily wasn’t one. But today you were coming, and I needed to look my best around you.
I stood by my mirror with only a tower around my waist shaving my face. I hated the small stubble that appear around my chin when I don’t shave for a few days. My mother loved it she said that it makes me look like a man. Little did she know that that was the reason I didn’t like it because if I grow up I have to do something I can’t only live between the summers. I will have to pull my life together and get a profession that I will spend the rest of my life doing marry someone that I probably won’t even like that much.
Suddenly the door to my bathroom was slammed open and in came Mary and Lily.
“Have you ever heard the concept of privacy?” I asked them with the shaving knife in my hand and cheeks filled with white foam. Mary sat down on the toilet and Lily sprawled out on the floor next to the door.
“No” Mary said beaming up at me. I shook my head and continued trying to find every last hair on my face.
“I’ve never understood why you shave so much, you look great with a little stubble” Mary said while she pulled out a lipstick from her purse. I shrugged.
“Suppose I don’t think it look nice”
“Sirius is coming huh” Lily asked quirking an eyebrow at me, I felt my cheeks slightly redden but didn’t meet her eyes.
“Yes he is, I’ve talked with him and Alphard a lot so I thought it would be nice to invite them”
“I think it will be lovely, They both are really kind” Mary says and I felt a pang of guilt at not having asked Mary before inviting you.
“I’m sorry I didn’t ask before it was kind of a in the moment thing” I said but still not meeting their eyes. Mary waved a hand in the air and shook her head as she applied a lip gloss. I took a good look at her and she was just as gorgeous as usual. That day she was wearing a white blouse with slightly puffy sleeves. Lily on the other hand was wearing a black turtleneck and a pair of blue mom jeans. Both looked amazing.
“It really is no problem; Sirius is always fun to talk too really we have had a lot of conversations and such after we stopped seeing each other.” Lily hummed in response, and I looked over at her again smiling.
I showed them out of the bathroom and changed into the dress shirt my parents laid out. You were arriving in ten minutes, and I was suddenly very aware of how this was the first time you would visit my house.
I started to clean my room, pushing away books and putting them in stacks. Mary and Lily gave me odd looks at the action. May laughed and asked me ‘who are you trying to impress Remus, you never clean your room’ I didn’t answer her instead I just continued to shove old pieces of clothing in the washing basket. I remember thinking that I was so stupid because we probably wouldn’t even be in my room and if we were you wouldn’t have minded.
You and Alphard arrived in his red Mercedes Benz Cabrio, I usually wouldn’t have known the cars name but Alphard’s Mercedes was his child. It was his biggest pride, and he wouldn’t miss an opportunity to gloat about the car he cared so much for. I have always found it funny.
You arrived with a big smile on your face and immediately rushed up to greet my family and I. This time though you didn’t go to Mary directly. In the back of my head I had thought you would pick her over me again, even if I tried to deny it I still didn’t think I was worth much to you. I thought I was more of a distraction and someone to have some un with when you were forced to hang out with rather than someone you would wan’t to meet or willingly hang out with.
You ran up to me and pushed yourself into my arms, I took a sharp breath slightly surprised like I wrote earlier. Then you turned to Mary and Lily and hugged them each, you kissed both Mary and Lilys cheeks and talked about how it had been too long since you last met.
Finally, you walked up to my parents. You kissed my mother’s hand and complimented her about how beautiful she was, then you moved onto Lyall. You started complimenting them about how impressive his research was and how you’ve read some of his articles. Both my dad and my mum was delighted about your politeness and flattery.
When we headed to the table Hope took my hand and dragged me behind everybody else.
“That boy is amazing” She whispered in my ear. I was staring at you talking about something my dad wrote in an article and the only thing I could do was to agree. You were amazing. You always are especially when you sat there with your dress up shirt and jeans shorts, the necklace hanging underneath your shirt.
You hair was hanging loosely around your shoulders and you had a serious and focused expression on your face as you discussed the topic with my dad as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. I knew then and I know now that my dad greatly appreciates it when someone really looks into his work and he loves to answer questions about it almost as much as he enjoys doing the research. I have never meet someone as interested in his profession as Lyall Lupin was in ancient history.
Alphard was talking to Lily and Mary’s mothers I couldn’t quite make out what the topic was but I suspected that it was about this years farming and about how the weather had changed the harvest outcome.
We sat down at our dinner table and my mother helped our cook to set the table for dinner. She had made pizza, which was an unusual dinner for us. Hope often complained about it being unhealthy. The sun had settled beneath the trees leaving a darkness heavy over us. Lyall had put up fairy lights trying to scare away the shadows from the table only leaving lightness and comfort.
We ate us satisfied and my mother put on the radio, it was playing ‘Bella ciao’ It often did during the summer when a lot of tourists were around. You hummed along to the lyrics while smoking a cigarette. Hope, Alphard and Cynthia had also lit ones earlier in the evening, but I can’t recall when. The only thing I was focused on was the way your lips wrapped around the paper like material of the cigar. Your mouth pushed out a cloud of smoke and I felt around in my pocket to find my own pack.
“Do you have an extra cigarette you wouldn’t mind sharing?” I asked you as I leaned forward to half whisper in your ear. The adults were speaking of prices and how more and more tourists were moving in.
You lifted your hips to search for your pack in your back pocket and coaxed out the package. The lid flipped up with help of the force of you thumb and I took one. I lighted it up with a random lighter on the table and inhaled the welcoming taste of nicotine. My mother disappeared inside and reappeared seconds later with a bottle of wine and cheap whisky. She handed me the bottle and nodded upstairs.
“You are practically falling asleep, take this and do something fun” She urged on. No one batted an eye, we were technically underaged at the time but that had never stopped the adults in our life so I accepted it and we headed out. I lead us to the peach trees, and we sat down hidden from the dinner table. I leaned against a tree, feeling the trunk ripping into my shirt. Lily sat down against the tree opposite of me and Mary sprawled out next to her with her head in Lilys lap.
You sat down right next to me, I remember feeling our shoulders brush against each other and freak out. I couldn’t help but lean into your touch. I opened the bottle, and we started taking swigs of alcohol in our mouths. We talked about old memories and about a guy Lily saw outside town when she was shopping with her mom.
We talked about how hot the summer had been and how not exited we were about school starting even though it was at least a month left until the dreadful time would come. We all got along a lot better than I expected us to do. I thought that despite what you and Mary said it must be some awkwardness. It was completely fine until we got drunk enough to think that a game of truth or dare was a good idea.