do you believe in ghosts?
“So I’m like what, the co-captain?” Marlene asked interestedly as she took a sip of her hot chocolate.
James smiled, taking a bite of one of the chocolate chip cookies that Dorcas had brought specifically for Marlene earlier knowing they were her favorite, “You could say that, yes. Sometimes you’re even worse than me according to Padfoot.”
“Hell yeah, a game is made to win not to lose.”
“That’s what I say.” He said nodding, “See? That’s why you are co-captain.”
“So it’s official?”
“Not really I think. But if I got hurt I would pass the captaincy to you until I got better.”
Marlene hit his hand as he reached for another cookie, because damn, it was really good, “Stop eating them, they are for me!”
James pouted, “But we are friends, so they are mine too.”
“I’m going to beat your ass up if you eat another one.”
The boy thought about it for a few seconds before asking, “Can I at least get one for Reg? When is he coming?”
“I’ll save it for him.”
“But—”
“It’s either this or nothing.”
He sighed, “Okay.”
The girl smiled at Dorcas who was trying to straighten her apron that Peter had just stained with coffee, before asking without even looking at him, too busy looking at her, “Where is he, anyway?”
“He is coming. He just had to buy Remus some special tea.” Was the answer he received and at that exact moment the door to the coffee shop opened and the boy who had been mentioned a few seconds ago entered.
He walked over to the counter, placing three boxes of the same tea down and giving Remus a half smile, who handed him a ready coffee in return, before turning to the two. James stood up suddenly as Marlene let out a laugh at the speed and Regulus looked confusedly at the boy.
“Hi.” The first one said with a smile,
“Hi.” Was the answer he received before Regulus leaned over and gave him a light kiss on the cheek as he smiled again.
James smiled every time Regulus kissed him on the cheek, which was always the case now.
“Hi, Baby Black.”
“McKinnon.” He said knowing that the girl knew he hated the nickname, as he sat down in the seat next to James, who as usual had sat by the window.
“You can call me Marlene, you know.”
“And you can call me Regulus.”
The girl looked at him for a few seconds before shaking her head, “I can’t, I’m sorry.”
“I hate you.”
“You really don’t.” She said, passing him the cookie that James had asked her to save.
He took it and broke it in two, passing one half to James as if it were nothing, while waving at Dorcas with his free hand.
“Oi, that’s not fair!”
Regulus looked at her confusedly, “What is not fair?”
“You can’t give him a cookie, they are not for him.”
“See how mean she is to me?” James asked, resting his head in the crook of the boy’s neck, making him shiver slightly but not move away.
“He can’t?”
“He can’t.”
“Fine.” He said, taking the cookie from James’ hand while the boy looked at him in a betrayed way. “She just said that you can’t!”
“Because she is a horrible person, you’re not. You’re perfect.”
“And you’re an idiot.”
“Your idiot.” He said giving him a quick kiss on the neck before quickly taking the piece of biscuit and putting it in his mouth.
“You’re such a cheater.” Regulus said as Marlene nodded agreeing with him before Dorcas walked over to the table and placed a small plate with at least six different tarts on it in front of him.
“From James, with pleasure from him and—I can’t remember the sentence he told me to say to you.” Dorcas said as she took one of the tarts with the strawberry on top and passed it to Marlene, who however stood up from the table. “Sorry, James.”
“Thank you, Cas.”
“With pleasure from me.” The girl said giving a gentle push to Marlene, who followed her as she headed back towards Remus who had just finished making two cappuccinos.
“That’s the fourth time you’ve ordered a plate with at least seven different things this week, James.” Regulus said, turning to the boy who was forced to lift his head from the crook of his neck, unfortunately.
“But you like it.” He said defensively,
“Maybe I do, but you have to stop it.”
“But I like when you’re happy and you’re happy with these little things, so I’m doing these little things!”
“I preferred when you did nothing.”
“That’s a lie.” He said, taking a tartlet and bringing it to his lips,
“Did I say that—”
“You like me? Yes. Did I say that I like you? Yes. Now eat it.”
“You can’t force me.”
“I’ll never do that.”
“I hate you and I really really mean it.” Regulus said with a sigh as the boy’s smile grew as he took a bite of the (very good) tartlet.
“And now I know for a fact that that is not true at all.”
“Not true at all is a big thing to say, Potter.”
James leaned closer to his face, placing half of the tartlet on the plate with the others, “I love when you call me Potter.”
Regulus rolled his eyes, wiping himself with a handkerchief, “Oh, stop it.”
“Only if you ask me nicely.”
“The rope breaks, James.”
“Let it break.”
“James, I swear—”
“It’s almost there and—” he said, quickly placing his lips on his before pulling away, but not too far, “Oops, maybe it broke.”
Regulus wrinkled his nose trying not to smile, because it was stupid to smile right now and he knew it, “This is stupid, and you are stupid.”
“I love when you say—” he started but the boy hit him,
“Shut up.”
“You can—”
“I swear to you—” Regulus said, hitting him again with very little force while smiling, until James grabbed his wrists with the same smile.
“You swear too much, you know that?”
“I know many things.”
“Oh, I know that. You’re the smartest person I’ve ever known.” James said, his smile softening,
The boy smiled as well, “You have to say that to our Remus.”
“If you remember me then I will.”
And after a few moments of silence, he finally shook his head, until both their heads turned towards the door that was opening.
And it was Sirius and Benjy who entered through it.
Of course, Regulus freed himself from the boy’s grip while the boy looked at him with a slight note of confusion, which however disappeared when he saw Benjy in his vision.
Ah.
What they both noticed, however, was that Sirius did not say hello and did not walk towards Remus like every day, but reached them more slowly than usual.
“They are not talking?” James asked worriedly as Regulus moved his gaze first to Remus, who was not looking in that direction for anything in the world and Sirius who had now reached them.
“They are not. Oh my god, this is bad.”
“This is definitely bad, Reg.”
“Okay, I’m going to talk to Benjy, you try to make Sirius speak in the meantime.” Regulus said quickly,
“Wait, why do you need to talk to him?” James asked curiously and suspiciously,
“I need to apologize again for all the things that happened but like… indirectly.” He said quickly and then proceeded to get up and take Benjy’s arm who didn’t even have time to respond and lead him towards the counter while James looked at them out of the corner of his eye one last time before turning to Sirius.
Sirius didn’t comment until the two stopped, it was then that, after a nod to the three boys who were serving and preparing, he turned to him confusedly, “What are you doing, Lus?”
“Deciding what to get you to eat.”
“How did you know I was going to get something to eat? Maybe I had eaten at home.”
“Because the stuff here is the best and you know it.”
He looked at him unconvinced, “What are you doing?” He asked again,
“I’m currently deciding whether to get something salty or sweet.”
A pause, “And why is that? I can get myself food and decide what to eat, thank you very much.”
“I know.”
“I can hear the but.” He prompted,
“But nothing. I’m just making a good deed for my friend.”
Benjy pulled away from his grip, crossing his arms and looking offended, “You are doing this because you still feel bad, right?”
Regulus replied too quickly, “I’m not.”
And he did indeed receive a skeptical look in response, “Regulus. You text me almost everyday, and I’m not complaining mind you, but you’re not the one who does it. I’m the one who texts first and you’re the one who keeps the conversation going. Weirdly now that I think about it.”
“I’m just—”
“Be honest with me.”
“I’m being honest!”
“I’ll leave.”
The boy sighed softly, “Okay, I’m still sorry and I still feel bad.”
He dropped his arms dramatically, “Lus!”
“I’m sorry, alright?”
“I should have just shut up forever.” He shook his head quickly in response but before he could say anything else Benjy continued, “Lus, I’m really happy for you and Potter.”
“You called him Potter.” Said he weakly,
“Not the point! But, I'm still happy for you two and that you are happy, alright? I liked you—I still like you a little bit if I'm honest—but it's not like I was in love with you, Lus. I don't think I know you enough to be in love with you. I don't know your favorite flower, I don't know your favorite dish and I don't know everything that you like or how to read the real you. And I'm not saying that I didn't want to find out or anything, but it's just not like that.” Benjy said calmly as he watched him in silence, “But he will. He will have this possibility, I'm sure that if you let him he will know you better than anyone else. Although I'm sure he's already on the right path.” And to that he didn't know what exactly to say. What could he have said? “Having said that and having finished that chapter for good, what do you think about a hug to make Potter jealous?”
He giggled softly, “Really?”
“Oi, I can still have fun.” Benjy said with a smile as Regulus smiled back, feeling definitely differently.
If Regulus Black had had feelings for Benjy Fenwick everything would have been so much easier.
But maybe he wasn't meant to be and maybe James was on the other side.
Yeah okay, being in that world had hurt him, what was he thinking?
He decided to shake his head to clear his thoughts and nod, then take Benjy in his arms who snorted a laugh, before whispering, “If you mention this topic again I swear I will never speak to you again.”
“Okay.”
“Good.” He said, pulling away from him, “Now I really need something to eat.”
A pause, “Can I pay, please? And then this is closed forever.”
He studied him for a few seconds before nodding.
When the two returned to the table James moved to make room for Regulus while Sirius stood up to have Benjy sit by the window.
“Sorry, Lus wanted to buy me a sugar-free doughnut.” He explained as he broke it in half to offer it to Sirius, who shook his head.
The boy took one of the seven tarts and then took a bite while James put an arm around him to make himself more comfortable, a contact that he didn't move, “What happened with you?” He then asked the long-haired boy, who strangely hadn't made any jokes or anything,
“Nothing, all right.”
“Really? That's why you didn't say hello to anyone? And by no one you know who I mean, right?” The younger insisted as he sighed,
“He hates me again.” Was the answer he received and oh.
Good Merlin.
The bespectacled man cleared his throat slightly, “What happened, exactly? I'm sure we can fix this, Sirius.”
“We had a fight about one stupid thing that I said, and then when he said something about my family and I snapped and called him a big name.”
Regulus narrowed his gaze, “How big?”
“I may have mentioned something… permanent that I know he’s attached to.” Sirius said in a crestfallen tone, “But then I tried—”
“You're a fucking idiot, I swear to you. What's wrong with you?” Regulus blurted out exhaustedly more to himself than actually to Sirius because damn they were never going home again and that was becoming clearer every day, but to this Sirius he shrugged his shoulders in defense,
“What's wrong with me? I was angry and people say bad things when they're arguing, has that ever happened to you, Regulus?” He asked in a very skeptical tone before continuing, “Has it ever occurred to you that maybe he was the one who started saying something harsh against me? Besides, what exactly do you care what I do with Remus? It's really none of your business.”
“He is my friend and—”
“Congratulations then!”
“Oh, fuck you.”
Benjy gave a helpful look to James who received it but didn't know exactly how to help because it was a field full of bombs, before saying, “Come on, wouldn't it be better if you two didn't fight too?”
“Oh shut up Benjy, you're always on his side lately.” Sirius snapped at him too as he grimaced,
“I'm on the side of those who aren't exaggerating right now.”
“Oh, I'm exaggerating and he isn't? Are you kidding me?”
“Sirius.” James said uselessly because he actually wasn't listening,
“I'm just saying that it's not one of his business what I do or don't do with Remus, because he's not my mother.”
“I'm not your mother, but surely you need to grow up and understand that you're not a child anymore.”
“Oh, fuck you Regulus.”
“No, fuck you Sirius.”
“Fuck—”
“Can you please stop?” The boy next to Sirius asked exhaustedly, but Sirius continued to ignore him, focused only on Regulus,
“I’m out of here.” He said just that before breaking away from James’s grip and standing up while Sirius behind him rolled his eyes,
“Reg, wait.” James said at the same time as Sirius said,
“Yeah, sure, run away and continue not to speak to me like you always do with everyone.”
“No, I do like you always did in your life.” He answered only to his brother and ignoring the other sentence he had heard,
Sirius narrowed his gaze, “You know nothing.”
“I know more than you think, trust me.” It was the last sentence he said before meeting Remus’s gaze, who was watching the whole scene in silence and who gave him a nod of recognition, which was returned by him before finally leaving.
James sighed heavily, looking at Sirius flatly as he shrugged in response, before getting up and following Regulus out, of course.
Of course, everything couldn’t be okay.
“Everything is great.” Regulus said as soon as James had managed to catch up with him, making him raise his arms in the air in a peace sign,
“I didn’t say anything.”
“I already know what you’re going to say.”
James didn’t look at him but continued walking beside him as he was actually continuing to walk and look straight at himself, “And what was that?”
“That I was wrong to say what I said and that I’m ruining this whole plan to get them together even if they’re two complete idiots, let me say it, to get us home even if I think that if we continue at this rate we’ll never get home and I’m just tired. Not of you, I think the only one who’s stopping me from drowning somewhere is you, but of all of this, of them not being able to put their shit together, of me not being able to find a damn plan to get home and I’m tired of all of this and I just miss going to Hogwarts and Narcissa. I miss Narcissa so much but I don’t know what else to do to speed up this whole process.” Regulsu said without ever stopping and James was surprised at how much he had said without even being asked, for the first time, and how tired he actually was and how sorry he was that he couldn’t do something to help him.
“I’m sorry that you feel that way.”
“You probably feel the same.”
“Can you please stop walking and look at me?”
“Do we have to?”
“We really have to.” He nodded and the boy actually stopped the next moment, turning towards him.
“I'm okay.”
He smiled sweetly at him, “Someone told me once that it's okay to have bad days.”
He rolled his eyes, “I know.”
“And I agree, they are stupid for not getting their shit together.”
“I just miss him.”
A slight pause, “I miss him too and this is not the same.”
“This whole plan… this whole thing…” Regulus said before pausing for a few seconds, putting his hands back in his pockets, “I don't know. I think that the fact that he is—that they are messing it up it's making all of this worse and making this plan work was me making this better so it's really not good when they aren't collaborating with me.”
James thought for a few seconds, “We could lock them in a room for a day. I’m sure if they’re 24/7 without anyone else they can communicate.”
“Maybe this isn’t working.”
“Oi, don’t say that.”
“None of the things we did work out. Name me one thing that worked out for us here.”
“I have a list.”
He looked at him skeptically, “You have a list.”
“Yes. First: we found pretty much everyone. Second: we got Marlene and Dorcas to know each other and now they’re together and more than in love, if you ask me. Third: we managed to find Sirius and make him and Remus make peace. Fourth: you managed to make friends with Barty and Evan again while I did the same with Remus, Peter and Sirius. And last, but certainly not least, now we can talk about an us.”
Regulus smiled sweetly at him, “Yeah, now we can talk about an us but what if…” he paused for a few seconds before continuing in a slightly lower voice, “Isn't all of this just strange to you?”
“Strange how, love?”
“The fact that we decided to look for them. My brother, Barty, Remus, Peter… we could have the… the freedom to not be someone that everybody already knows. The freedom of being forgotten. Maybe all of this was to be forgotten and we are just trying to break that.”
“No, I think it was a chain of events since the unexpected meeting with Remus and Pete. It was inevitable that all this would happen. I mean, you didn’t look for Barty but he was the one who appeared in front of you. And you would never have met Dorcas if you hadn’t met Barty first. Same thing for Lily and Marlene.” The boy said now approaching him, “And I think that all this is not so bad at the end even if it definitely could have lasted shorter.”
Regulus shifted his gaze to him again, “Do you think that… if things hadn’t run their course in this way we wouldn’t have gotten to this point? Or would we have just gone our separate ways abandoning all of this?”
“No, I don’t think so. I think we would have ended up this way anyway no matter what we would have done.” James gently removed a curl from his face, “Also, in your opinion, I wouldn’t have won you over?”
He moved his face slightly away, “Oh, shut up.”
“No, really. I would have never let you go in this universe without me.”
“You’re such a flirt.”
“I take the chances the universe gives me.” He said shrugging his shoulders in the air with a smile,
“Let’s make a pact.”
“Anything.”
“Neither of us will mention the word universe again for at least three days, okay?” The boy asked tiredly and James promptly nodded,
“Yes, I agree.”
“Good.” He said before he was unexpectedly pulled into the other’s arms. However, he didn’t move from his hold.
“I was just trying to lighten the conversation.” He whispered to him.
He nodded, tightening his hold, “I know.”
“Did I succeed a little?”
“You’re succeeding a little now.”
“Great.” He said kissing his head softly, before adding, “I really believe that our plan will work and that we will go home soon, just so you know that.”
Regulus pulled away from his hold, “Maybe you can believe it for the both of us for a while because right now I don’t.”
“Today is a bad day and I’m sorry that I didn’t catch it before.”
“Yeah.” He looked away from his, but then the boy leaned in and kissed his nose quickly, barely a touch of lips in fact.
“We’ll find a way to make this better tonight.”
“Are you inviting me to your bed?”
The reaction was almost immediate, as it always was when Regulus made jokes like that. In fact, the color of the boy’s cheeks took on a shade of red and he cleared his throat nervously, “I didn’t mean that.”
“I’ve heard that before.” He said affectionately before the guy put an arm around him and pulled him closer.
“So now what do you want to do?”
“What do you mean, we have to go back inside.”
James shook his head, “Nah, I’ll text Sirius to meet up tonight. Do you want to take a walk and talk about anything or nothing?”
“Really? You’re choosing me over him and the plan?”
He nodded beside him, “What do you think? Of course.”
Regulus became suspicious though. “What do you want?”
He made an offended sound in response, “What? Nothing!”
“Potter.” He said slowly and the guy let out a sigh after a few seconds,
“Okay, I might want something. But you’re going to hate me for it.”
“Let’s hear it.”
“We could go and maybe, I’m only saying maybe, have an ice cream together.”
“Oh my god, you really have a problem with that.”
“But it’s so good.”
“It’s almost Christmas! It’s freezing and you want ice cream.” He said as the guy smiled guiltily beside him,
“It’s so good. It’s sweet but not too much and it’s perfect. And we can make memories together!” There was a half laugh at this and James decided to play his trump card, “And then we’ll stop by the bookstore.”
Regulus turned to look at him and when he saw his expression he gave up, “Only if I can take a frozen yogurt and we go to the library after.”
“Yes to all of that. Thank you, thank you.” He said smiling widely before giving him a loud kiss on the cheek satisfied with himself more than ever.
When Regulus entered the house, he didn’t expect Lily and Pandora to be there.
Also because the two girls had told him that they were going out to dinner together that evening.
It was precisely for this reason that the first question he asked the two was, “What are you two doing at home?” As he bent down to give a caress to Romeo who passed between his legs happily.
Lily looked out from the kitchen, smiling as soon as she saw him, “Hello there, Regulus! Home already?”
The boy placed the house keys on the cabinet, then put on his slippers and headed towards the kitchen, “Weren’t you supposed to go out to dinner?”
“Change of plans!” Pandora said as he entered the kitchen and saw all the food that was there.
It was mostly rice. Rice, fish, salmon, tuna, avocado, and even small and large shrimp.
“Wash your hands and join us.” Lily said as she tied her hair back into a messy bun before curiously adding, “James isn’t coming?”
“He’s supposed to be back after dinner but what exactly are you guys doing?”
Pandora turned to him, her hands, which were wearing black professional gloves, full of rice grains stuck to them, “What do you think? We are making sushi.”
“We could have just gone out for dinner all four of us.” The boy said flatly as the two girls both glared at him,
“That takes all the fun out of it! Do you know how long it takes to make this sweet rice?”
“No.”
Lily handed him a pair of black gloves, “That’s right.”
“I’m really bad at cooking.” He said, not taking the gloves.
She pushed them into his chest, “Trust me, it’s really really easy and funny.”
“But if Pandora is in that—”
“Regulus!”
“Okay, maybe…” he started, looking for an excuse not to do it, but at that exact moment his phone started ringing, “Oh see? My phone is ringing, I have to answer.”
She narrowed her gaze, “Tell James to hurry up.”
“Yeah, sure.” He said, taking a step back before answering the call, “Yes.”
“You had to?”
He smiled slightly, “Do what?”
“You know what.”
“Do what?” He asked again,
“You know what! Sirius was teasing me for at least five minutes, not to mention we walked a pretty long way!” He said on the other end of the line,
“It was just a little bit of ice cream.”
“Yes! On my nose! You know you’re going to pay for this, right?”
“No, I’m not going to because you like me too much for that.”
James was silent for a few seconds, “Says who.”
“You. Always.”
“Yeah, well. Now it’s different.”
“It was a little bit of ice cream!”
“It was not funny.” Which then came the response from Sirius in the background who was probably driving the car, also because James almost never answered the phone when he was driving directly, “It was extremely funny.”
“Maybe it was a ghost. Who says it was me? And by the way, Pandora says hurry up so you can come help make the sushi.”
“Since when do you believe in ghosts?” he asked before adding, “Do you believe in ghosts, now?”
“We are wizards, James. I’m literally friends with a ghost.” Regulus said in a slightly lower tone,
“Yes, but do you believe in ghosts?” Without being a wizard was the hidden question that he obviously didn’t ask,
The boy leaned against the wall, “I don’t know.” A pause, “I think I do, you don’t?”
“Really?” He asked with a clear smile in his voice,
“Do you believe in ghosts, James?” It was the last question Regulus asked him.
“I believe that—”
But the full answer never came.
What came was only a high-pitched screech in the boy’s ears, followed by a louder noise that was indistinguishable.
What came was a distant crackle like static before the line went dead.
What came was silence as he read the call ended on the screen.
What came was the sound of the boy ringing continuously and not answering.
No answer.
Just the ringing in his ears similar to the screeching he heard earlier.
“Is he coming soon?” Pandora’s voice asked from somewhere in the room but Regulus didn’t look up from the now-off screen. “Regulus? Are you okay?”
No.
James wasn’t okay and he was sure of that.
And he was sure now that he will never know if James really believed in ghosts.