Faded with you

The first thing Sirius felt when he managed to open his eyes and lift his head from the steering wheel was the cold air hitting his face. 

The second thing was the fact that his cheek was warm, which was in contrast to the first thing he had felt. 

And the third thing he felt was definitely the searing pain that followed when he tried to move in vain in his chest. 

It was dark and he was strangely in a car. 

Why was he in a car? He usually didn’t—

James was the fourth thing he felt. 

Or rather, that came to mind. 

“James?” he asked in a low tone trying to move as slowly as possible, while he took off the seatbelt that was far too tight around his chest. “James.” 

But James didn’t answer him. 

So he turned his head and what he saw was the boy indeed but with his head resting against the window, his face covered by his hair. 

Sirius raised slowly his hand to touch his head and when he lowered his hand he noticed that it was wet. 

Blood. 

He was bleeding. 

“James? James.” He said in a much louder tone now as he reached out to touch the boy next to him, but the boy didn’t move at the touch. 

“This isn’t funny, James?” He asked now in a strangled tone as he tried to lift his head, but he couldn’t reach it. “Fuck.” 

Sirius turned his head, looking around for something, anything, but everything was empty. 

It was incredibly quiet. 

And all he could hear was his heartbeat and his hair plastered to his skull. 

Shit shit shit. 

“Please wake up, please please.” He began to whisper as he leaned out in vain to try to free James from his seatbelt. 

When it didn’t work he took a deep breath and tried to open the door, but it was stuck. 

“No, please, not you too.” He said before wrapping his left arm around himself and starting to bang on the door, until it finally, after a good few bangs, opened, allowing him to get out. 

Yes, the street was definitely deserted. 

And the car was in worse shape than he thought. 

He still couldn’t figure out why the airbag hadn’t gone off though. 

How the hell hadn’t it gone off? 

Sirius finally managed to get out of the car and with a groan of pain when his leg hit the ground, he managed to get out completely. 

Then he took another breath and turned to reach for James’ door, which thankfully flew open, causing the boy’s upper body to fall into his arms, his head not moving but completely bloody on one side. 

Shit shit shit. 

Sirius reached out to unbuckle the boy’s seatbelt and with a stroke of luck he did. “Oh, thank god, thank god.” He said softly as he took an unconscious James’s arm and put it around his shoulders, then with all his remaining strength he pulled him towards himself and freed him from the seat. 

“Okay wait wait, just one more, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He kept repeating as he tried to pull him harder, finally pulling him down with him and then lowering himself with him to the road, careful to make sure the boy’s head landed in his lap. 

“Okay, okay we are okay, we are okay.” Sirius said softly as he pushed the blood-soaked hair away from James’s face, then leaned forward and put his ear to his chest to try to feel for a pulse. 

To no avail. 

The boy raised his head with a shaky breath, before leaning his face closer to his, “James, I swear to you if you—” before closing his mouth and listening carefully, then letting out a laugh when he clearly heard the boy breathing.

“Just wait till you’re better, I swear to you I’m going to kill you with my hands.” He said, letting his head fall onto his chest, still laughing, a laugh that quickly turned into a sob.

It was at least five minutes before Sirius managed to recover and quickly place his hand on James’s head wound and press on it, while with the other hand he searched for his phone, a phone that he managed to find a few moments later and took with shaking hands.

Why couldn’t he stop shaking? 

He had to stop so he could use it, for fuck’s sake. “I’m okay, I’m okay, we are okay. Please please stop shaking.” He said to his hands when they didn’t respond. 

How could they after all? 

The first person he thought of calling was Regulus. 

He tried to clean the bloodstains off his phone to finally unlock it, which took him at least a couple of minutes. 

But when he got to Regulus’s touch he stopped dead in his tracks. 

Then he cleaned the bloody fingerprints off the screen again until the screen was clean again, and then he didn’t press the call option to actually call him. 

He couldn’t call Regulus. 

What could he possibly do? 

He didn’t know what to do. 

So he called the second person he could think of, praying with all his heart that they would answer. 

“Please, please, please.” Were the only words that continued to come out of his mouth as he held the phone tightly to his ear, gently caressing James’s face with his other hand, who seemed to be sleeping in his lap. 

The voice answered him only on the last ring, “What do you want now?” 

"Remus.” He said with a sob, closing his eyes, while they definitely began to water, 

A slight pause, “Sirius? Are you okay?” 

And at that he laughed again because no, it actually wasn’t okay. 

“Is this one of your jokes?” 

The boy swallowed a sob and then quickly answered, afraid that the boy would hang up on him, “No no, I swear it’s not. I don’t know what to do, I’m so sorry, it’s all my fault. I wanted to call Regulus but I can’t call him, I can’t tell him that—”

“Sirius, I need you to calm down, alright? What happened? Take a breath.” 

The boy began to nod as he felt his hands shaking again and he couldn’t control them, while the legs that were under James’ head began to go numb. “Yes, yes, okay. We had an accident, I think and—”

“What?” Remus asked in a high tone and this made the boy jump, and then he heard him clear his throat, “I’m sorry, what do you mean an accident?” 

“I don’t know how it happened I swear, I was laughing because Regulus played a prank on James and James was talking to him on the phone and then I woke up in the car with all the blood and I can’t stop shaking and James won’t wake up. I can’t make him wake up, please Remus.” 

“Hey hey, it's okay, I'm here okay? I'm here. Take a breath please.” And he did as he was told, “Is James breathing?” 

“Yes, yes, he is. But he can't open his eyes, he doesn't speak, he doesn't—”

“Can you tell me where you are, Sirius?” 

“I don’t know, I—it’s really dark and James—”

“James is breathing and that's important, okay? But I need you to look around you and tell me what you see, okay? Quickly.”

The boy nodded again afraid to move too much and move James, “Okay yes. I see— uhm— okay there is a sign? And maybe trees, there are many trees over here and—”

“Sirius please, I need you to calm down and think. Where were you going?” 

“Yes okay, we were going to James and Regulus’ house to take him home and up ahead there are some garbage bins I think.” 

“Garbage bins you say?” 

The boy closed his eyes for a second trying to imagine the whole road, “Yes and—and up ahead there should be the crossroads yes. We are before the crossroads.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes, yes I’m sure.” 

“Okay good. Hear me out. I need you to pay close attention to James and in any case do not to move him too much if he’s hurt, okay? Be careful that he continues to breathe and don’t move from there okay? I’ll call the police and the ambulance and we’ll be there in fifteen minutes max, okay? Don’t abandon me here Sirius. Take a deep breath and calm down, everything will be fine, I promise, okay? But first tell me that is okay and that you understand, I need to hear those words.” 

“Okay, yeah. I believe you, of course I believe you yes. It’s okay and I understand, I swear I’m here.” 

“I’m hanging up now. I’ll be there in a bit.” 

“Thank you, thank you. I didn’t know who—”

“It’s okay, Sirius. I’m here with you, always. See you soon.” He said before hanging up, the silence now making its appearance again. 

The boy placed the phone next to him and slowly moved closer to James’s face to check if he was breathing. 

Until the sound of cars arrived almost fifteen minutes later, the only thing Sirius could hear were James’s faint but present breathing and his heartbeat. 

“Regulus?” Pandora asked again this time with a decidedly more worried tone as the boy continued not to answer. 

He only looked up when the girl placed a hand on his shoulder, managing to tear his eyes away from the dark screen. 

But not from the sensation he was feeling. 

And from the pain, that was increasing in his head that was continuing to throb in his temples, that had suddenly appeared, the moment the line had gone dead. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Something happened.” The boy said in a tone that was definitely too low, 

“What?” 

“Something bad happened. I can feel it.” 

“Let’s not jump to conclusions.” The girl said as Lily had approached, “What exactly happened?” 

“It can’t be happening.” 

“I need you to tell us what you heard or what he said so we can try to understand better.” 

But he felt it. He felt it in his chest. Was it possible? Why? 

“I was talking to James and at some point the line suddenly went dead after a sharp noise like the brakes of the car.” 

“Do you think he—” Lily started to say but stopped after a quick glance from Pandora, who was looking at Regulus not knowing exactly what to do. 

“Sometimes the line goes dead and it seems like something’s happened, I can tell you from personal experience.” 

But the boy wasn’t listening anymore because he knew. 

He knew something had happened to James. 

“No. He can’t leave me here alone.” He whispered barely audibly and probably if the two hadn’t been so close to him they wouldn’t have heard him, 

“Reg—”

“He can’t. He really can’t he promised me. I can’t go back without him, I can’t.” 

“Let’s just wait five minutes and then we’ll call him again, okay? Otherwise we’ll try to find out.” 

“How? He’s probably gone now.” 

“Stop it, it’s not true. You’re just—”

“Saying the truth because that’s what happened. I can feel it, I know it.” 

Lily took a step closer to him, uncertain, “Regulus, snap out of it, please.” 

But now the boy was talking to himself, “I have to make a new plan. That didn’t work so I have to find another one since James left me. But how?” 

“Regulus.” 

“I should probably learn how to drive.” He muttered and then Pandora did the only thing that came to mind. 

She leaned forward and grabbed him by the hoodie, forcing him to look her in the eyes, “Snap out of it.” 

But he wasn’t looking at her. His gaze was blank and flat and honestly it was disturbing. 

“I’m fine I just need another—” 

And with that, the slap came, which made him snap his mouth shut, his head still twisted to the side due to the, honestly, force of the blow. 

“Pandora!” 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry but I need you to snap out of it and I didn’t know what else to do!” 

“You certainly shouldn’t have hit him so hard!” Lily said, taking her hands off him and then turning his head gently towards her, “Are you here now?”

Regulus didn’t answer but took a small breath and nodded. 

“I’m so sorry, Reggie.” Pandora said mortified but he shook his head to let her know that everything was okay. 

Everything wasn’t okay.

Everything was going wrong. 

What would he do without James? 

How would he do without James?

How would he—

Lily took his hands in hers gently noticing that they were now shaking and pointing it out to him too. “Maybe something happened.” 

“I know it happened so please stop saying that.” Regulus said closing his eyes for a few seconds, 

The girl nodded even though he couldn’t see her, “Okay, something definitely happened but until he calls back or someone calls we can’t do anything but wait and not panic.” 

“I’m not panicking, I just have a headache.” 

“Regulus…”

He pulled away again and took a step back, “I’m serious, my head just hurts but I’m fine. I swear.” 

“It’s really okay not to be—” 

“Don’t say it. Please.” He blurted out quickly, unable to stop hearing James’ voice saying the same thing. 

The girl slowly closed her mouth, nodding as Pandora tried to call James for the third time, but to no avail. The phone was unreachable. 

Sirius’ phone wasn’t unreachable, but he wasn’t answering. 

So the three of them headed to the kitchen, trying to call with the other two phones, but they had the same result. 

Or rather, a null result. 

Lily slowly began to put everything in the kitchen away while Pandora tried calling someone again and when she didn’t get a response or anything, she joined in to help her girlfriend while Regulus leaned against the wall with his eyes closed and his fists clenched to try to think better. 

James hadn't told him where he was, but maybe he could tell from his sentences? 

He was sure he hadn't told him where and the fact that his head was exploding didn't help. 

“If something happened the best guess is that James's phone is off or broken.” Pandora said as she passed a glass of water to Regulus, who didn't drink it though. In fact he didn't even take it, his eyes still closed. 

“That's a good sign when you think about it, isn't it?” Lily said in a low voice as the boy massaged his temples, the pain that couldn't leave him and that made him feel the pulse of his veins continuously. 

He sighed tiredly, “How could that be a good sign?”

“That Sirius is actually okay.” 

He turned to her, “If he was okay he wouldn’t have answered?” 

“I’m just trying to stay positive.” 

“And you don’t need to do that, it’s stupid.” He said coldly as Lily shrugged and of course Pandora intervened, 

“Stop being an asshole, we are all worried alright? But doing this,” she said pointing to the three of them, “It’s only making it worse.” 

“What could be worse than this?” 

“Arguing won’t get us anywhere and we don’t know anything yet.” 

Regulus balled his hands into fists, “I’m telling you that he is hurt and maybe even dead. Why can’t you believe me?” 

“Because we don’t know that and you’re being dramatic.” Pandora said in an equally cold and detached tone, 

“I’m being dramatic? You’re kidding me?” He said with a laugh, before looking up and leaning forward the next moment to grab his phone, which was on the table, and put it in his pocket. “I’m out of here.”

“Out where, exactly?” Lily asked in a worried tone as he had now left the room, following him.

“Do you really care where I’m going? Where James is?” 

“That’s just cruel, of course we do.”

“That’s why we are here waiting for Merlin knows what.” He said as he finished putting on his shoes, 

“Just let him go, Lils.” 

“How can I when we know nothing? We don’t even—”

Regulus gritted his teeth for a few seconds due to a stronger pain in his head, but still the next moment, “Yeah, do as she is doing ignoring an accident where her so-called friend is probably dead.” 

Pandora looked at him sharpening her gaze, “Are you kidding me? You don’t think I know how these things go?” 

“What?” 

“You can’t do anything until you hear from him or someone nearby. If you call the police or something they’ll tell you the line’s dead and you’re overreacting. We can’t do anything, they’ll tell you, because you don’t know the location. Or is that what they told me the night Dad died. Do you really think I don’t know what you’re feeling?” The girl raised her head to meet his gaze, “I’m not saying that nothing happened. I’ve never said that. I’m saying that doing this only makes this worse and it’s not going to make things go faster.”
 
“I can’t wait here and doing nothing, alright? I have to go.” 

“I know. That’s why I told her to let you go. I know what it feels like. But I wasn’t alone and it helped that night.” 

“You don’t understand?” Regulus asked in a small voice, “If he leaves me, if he actually— I’m alone here. I’m alone without him now and you know it too.” A tiny pause, “I have to go, I’m sorry.” And that was the last thing he said before he turned and walked out the door, leaving the two girls in the house. 

And of course the first thing that hit him was the cold air, especially since he hadn’t grabbed his jacket in his haste. 

But it helped. The cold air was helping with the headache, which was really not helpful. 

Maybe the air was helping James wherever he was. 

And what if he was still there. 

He had to be there though, right? 

He had promised him. They would be there together and they would go home. 

James had promised him he wouldn’t leave him and James Potter was a man who kept his promises. 

Everyone knew it and he knew it too. 

So why couldn't he believe it?

But that thought was interrupted by the vibration of the phone in his pocket.

And in that moment the boy swore he felt his heart stop for a few seconds. 

He hadn't even reached the car. 

Regulus had never reached for the phone so quickly. “Yeah?”

But the voice he heard wasn't James's. 

Nor Sirius's. 

But Remus's. 

It was strange. 

That was the first thought that crossed the boy's mind when he somehow managed to wake up. 

Waking up didn't seem like the right word, though. 

He wasn't awake, also because he could feel his eyelids closed. 

But at the same time he wasn't sleeping either because it was too right to be a dream. 

It was strange but right at the same time. 

He was feeling sensations that were right. He was in the right place. He knew it. 

But what place was it if he couldn't open his eyes?

And was it really right? 

The only thing he could hear was a distinct beep that was easy to ignore. 

And a feeling of deja vu suddenly hit him. 

He tried to open his eyes but he couldn’t. 

The only thing he could see was the light hitting him. 

You know, when your eyes are closed but you’re under the sun so your eyelids look clear? 

That was what James was seeing at that moment. 

He tried to open them again but everything was bordering on nothing, also because he couldn’t move his head. 

The thing that made him suddenly stop trying was the unexpected contact he felt on his hand. 

Someone was holding his hand gently. 

Not again. 

He knew it. 

He was there again. 

And he couldn’t move again. 

“You know that it’s almost Christmas right?” A voice said fondly and the boy felt a pain in his stomach.

It was Marlene. His Marlene. He would have recognized that tone of voice anywhere. 

It was the same tone she had used when he had told him that maybe he wasn't just interested in girls. 

“I think you're both coming back on Christmas Day as a present but no one believes me.” She continued and then felt a light contact on her forehead, barely perceptible. 

The same tone of voice when he had fallen off his broom and almost broken his arm. 

The same tone that now spoke to him sweetly. 

“Remus finally managed to convince Sirius to go get something to eat outside the hospital, can you believe it? We've been eating the same food for days because of you and it's hospital food so it's not the best.”

James knew he couldn't open his eyes and follow that light of the room where he probably was, they were, but that didn't stop him from trying again. 

“Luckily Effie always brings some snacks, otherwise we'd be dead.”

It wasn't working.

“Regulus' hair is still perfectly curly, you know? While yours is questionable.” The girl continued, squeezing his hand as James paused for a few seconds from trying to do anything. 

Regulus. 

Where was Regulus?

Why was he here again without Regulus?

He had to find Regulus. 

“I know you can hear me, James.” Marlene said and that distracted him from his thoughts.

How did she know? 

Did she always say that? 

Or did she know?

“Please, please, let me know somehow that you can really hear me and that I'm not making this up. Please. Follow the light or whatever you're seeing and come back to us.”

How did she know about the brightest light?

“I promise that I will always give you the first slice of bread with jam, that I will make you everything you ask for and anything you want, but please open your eyes. Just for a second. Just for one second.” 

He couldn’t. He couldn’t open his eyes. 

Regulus wouldn’t be there. 

How could he open them without Regulus opening them with him and seeing the same light he was seeing? 

“I know you’re in the darkness but I need you to follow the light, okay? Merlin that sounded so bad.” The girl said, pausing for a few seconds. “But I—I don’t know what else to say, I feel like I’m saying the truth.” 

He couldn’t follow her voice. He couldn’t follow that illuminated part. 

He couldn’t follow the light if Regulus was in the darkness. 

This wasn’t supposed to be this way. 

Even though everything seemed so right, he couldn’t. He didn’t want to. 

Yes, follow the light and go back with his friends and family but follow the darkness where Regulus was still blocked? 

The answer was easy.

But still so wrong to do it. 

Maybe wrong for the others, yes, but for him? 

The answer was so obvious that there was no need to think about it. 

So James tried all the strength he had in himself and after a moment's pause he finally managed to hold Marlene's hand back. 

And the reaction was immediate.

Everyone knew Regulus was bad at driving. 

Also because the only one who had ever shown him how to do something was Barty and that had only happened once. 

But no one would have gotten to the hospital Remus had told him to go to that quickly without crashing. 

Surely Barty would have been proud of him. 

But that was the last thing on his mind as he quickly unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car he had parked badly in the parking lot, only to run inside and be hit by the bright lights of the waiting room. 

He didn't see Remus. 

He didn't see Sirius. 

But he didn't care. 

The only person he needed to see was James. 

And he certainly wouldn't find him in the waiting room. 

So after a quick analysis of the people in the waiting room, having confirmed that he actually didn't know any of them, which was also quite full in reality having children, elderly people and people who were sleeping inside, he ran towards the lady who was at the reception, who as soon as she heard the bang of the hands that involuntarily hit the table, looked up in alarm, to then immediately relax her sight, already accustomed. 

“Can I help you?” 

“I need to see James Potter. He is here. There was an accident and I know he was brought here.” 

“I’m sorry, are you a relative?” 

What? “No, I don’t—”

“Then I’m sorry to inform you that I can’t tell you where the patient is at this moment.” She ended the conversation by going back to look at the screen as if nothing had happened, continuing to type on the computer. 

Regulus closed his eyes for a second, “I’m sorry what?” 

The woman adjusted her glasses on her face, stopping typing on the computer keyboard, “I said that—”

“I can see him, I’m his husband.” 

“His husband you say? Let me just—”

“Yes, I’m his fucking husband so if I want to see him I can, don’t you think?” Regulus said in a lower tone now than before, shrugging, while she looked at him flatly,

“There is no proof that you are his husband.” 

“You will tell me his room number and take me there yourself, because there is definitely no time for all this pointless drama, don’t you think?” 

“I—”

“If I want to see my husband, I will because that’s my privilege. Our parents are dead, he has no one and you don’t want to let your husband see him? Stay with him after an accident? What kind of person are you?” 

“That’s not what—”

“And for what? For the simple fact that I interrupted you from writing with your friends? Yes, you should start being more discreet since the screen is not as covered as you think.” 

The woman looked at him with her eyebrows crossed, “How—”

But he interrupted her before she could continue, “I dare to say this because if you don’t I will fucking tell everyone that you aren’t actually helping me. And you’ll be fired. Trust me, I’m a very good actor and I swear to you if you don’t tell me his room, you’ll be fired by morning.” 

The woman waited for a few seconds before turning to the screen, “His room is number 139 while Sirius Black’s room is number 131. Mr. Black is conscious and has had simple stitches applied to his wounds while Mr. Black-Potter is currently in an unconscious state. His wounds have been treated but he has not opened his eyes yet. There is no news yet on how serious it is and that’s all.”

The boy nodded, “Good evening.” 

The woman clicked her tongue against her teeth, “Good evening to you too.” 

But Regulus was already gone and after a quick look at the hospital map, he quickly headed for the elevator, which fortunately had arrived and was empty. 

But when he got to room 139 there was no one in it. 

James wasn’t there. 

And right now if he wasn’t holding on to the wall he probably would have lost his balance. 

But he didn’t have time for that. Just as he didn’t have time for the headache that wasn’t going to go away. 

And his balance was the least of his worries. 

If he wasn’t there, where could he be? 

Had the woman lied to him? 

He didn’t think that. 

Why wasn’t he there? Why did everything seem to be going wrong? Why? Why him? Why James? Why his James?

“Sirius.” He whispered then.

Sirius. 

Room 131.

That was the thought that crossed his mind the next moment.

So he left the room without even thinking twice and headed towards room 131 from which fortunately he immediately recognized the voice of Remus who was addressing Sirius softly. 

“It’s okay.” 

“No, I’m so sorry. I should’ve known that it was horrible to say that.” 

“Yeah, me too. I was cruel too.” 

Sirius let out a light laugh, “But at least now I have them too, right?” 

“They definitely look better on you.” 

“Everything looks better on me.” 

“Yeah, maybe it’s true.” Remus said leaning forward, probably to give him a light kiss on the forehead, but he didn’t have time because Regulus entered the room, interrupting them and making them suddenly separate, with both of them getting up from the bed. 

But the boy didn’t care at that moment. At that moment his head had only one name in mind. “Where is James?” 

“Regulus, you came.” Sirius said with a quick glance at Remus who returned it, “We—” 

“Where is he? He is not in the 139 so where is he?” 

“You should breathe—” Remus began, moving closer to him, but he pulled away abruptly, 

“You know where he is, don’t you? Tell me.” 

“Regulus—”

“Now.” 

Sirius placed a hand on Remus’ arm, “They took him upstairs. We don’t know why but he—he needed something else but we don’t know what, I’m so sorry.” 

Regulus let out a heavy breath, clenching a fist. 

Sirius was fine. He could talk. He had a simple cut on his face. 

James wasn’t there. He wasn’t there. They had carried him upstairs. Carrying him upstairs made no sense if he was fine, right? Why bring him up? 

“You should be.” 

A pause where silence invaded his ears for a few seconds too long, “What?” 

“You should be fucking sorry because it’s all your fault.” He snapped coldly as Sirius let out a soft, barely audible groan. 

“I’m—” he began but Remus cut in before he could finish his sentence, 

“You’re not being fair, Regulus. He was there too and he is hurt too.” 

“He doesn’t look hurt to me.” Regulus replied flatly without moving his gaze from Sirius’s face, “He speaks. He is here. He is standing. But I don’t see James. Where is he? Maybe dead, who knows, mhm? You know that? I don’t know that.” 

“It wasn’t Sirius’s fault.”

“It was. He was the one driving. He was the one who wanted James to go out with him. He is the one person James could be dead for right now. Do you think the fact that they moved it upstairs is a good thing? Do you even know which floor is upstairs? Because I do.” 

“You should stop talking because you don't mean that.” 

Regulus took a step forward, “I mean every word I'm saying right now. It's his fault that James is there. That James is hurt. That you are here laughing with him while he is probably fighting for his life.” 

Remus didn't move from in front of Sirius even when Regulus had now reached them and was one step away from him, “We don't know that.”

“We know that. He knows that that's why he doesn't speak. That's what he does when he knows. He just stops talking, don't you know? Don't you remember?” 

“I know that you are—” 

“You know nothing. About me, about James, about us. But we know.” 

Remus narrowed his gaze, “Is this a threat or something?” 

“It's just a fact. If something happens to James because of Sirius, I promise you that it will not end well. Not a threat, but a fact. And I don't care if I have to go after you too, just hope James wakes up and is okay.” 

Sirius butted in when Remus didn't answer, “Reggie, please , I understand—” 

“You understand nothing. You never did. But you will. I promise you, you will.” He said before moving Remus and positioning himself face to face with Sirius, “Parce que si James meurt, tu es mort. Je te tuerai de mes propres mains et je n'ai pas peur de le faire. Je te promets, Sirius, que si quelque chose de mal arrive à James, tu es mort. Même si c'est la dernière chose que je fais.” He said quietly so only he could hear, even though Remus was standing next to him, watching him silently. 

“Tu penses vraiment que j'ai fait ça exprès?” Sirius said in a whisper, 

Regulus didn’t move, “Je m'en fiche.” 

“You should really take a step back now.” Remus interjected again as the two brothers continued to stare into each other’s eyes without saying anything else. 

“I will but I need to know that he understands.” 

“Regulus, I understand but you’re really crossing the line, you—” Remus began but Sirius put a hand on his arm again to silence him.

“Je comprends.” 

And with that Regulus turned and walked out of the room, leaving the two alone. 

“Are you okay? What did he say?”

Sirius didn't look at him, but only at the door from which the boy had come out, “Nothing.”

What woke him up after how long he never knew, was a hand that gently rested on his shoulder and Regulus opened it with a snap his eyes looking up to meet the doctor's. 

“I'm sorry if I woke you up like this.” 

“Where is he?” Was all he asked and the doctor nodded understandingly, 

“He's in the other room. The operation went very well and I'm sure he'll wake up soon. I let you sleep for a few hours because there was no point in waking you up since he wouldn't wake up.”

“Are you sure?”

He adjusted his pen in pocket of his lab coat, “You want me to be honest, don’t you? I heard what you did to the girl downstairs, you know?” 

“Please.” 

He sighed softly, “It’s all up to him. The conditions for him to wake up are perfect, the stitches are well placed and he will only have a small scar. But when he will open his eyes is up to him. It could be in a few minutes, or in a few hours or a few days.” 

Or in a few years. Or in some never. “Thank you.”

“You can go and see him.”

“Thank you, really. I'm sorry for how I behaved before.”

He shook his head, “It’s okay Mr. Black-Potter, I understand. And you weren’t entirely wrong. I’m glad you came to me directly and didn’t wait for John.” 

“Yeah.” Regulus said vaguely as he thought about how he had managed to drag the doctor from the hospital cafeteria to take him upstairs because the doctor, John apparently, was late. 

“Talk to him, that always helps. And I’m sure he will wake up soon enough. I’ll see you when he does, okay?” 

“Yes, of course.” 

“Now I’ll definitely take that coffee. Do you want some?” 

“Not really, no.” 

“Understandable.” The doctor said before nodding and walking away, leaving him alone in the hallway. 

James was okay. 

He was in the other room and definitely not hurt anymore. 

He took a shallow breath before nodding to himself and slowly walking into the room the doctor had left earlier. 

And then he saw him there. 

James was lying on the bed, hooked up to a machine that kept beeping in an almost calming way, his forehead relaxed and his glasses resting almost on the other side of the room, on the table at the end. 

He looked so calm. As if he were sleeping and not as if he hadn't just had an accident. 

They had probably changed him and everything since there was no trace of his clothes. They had probably even thrown them away. 

Regulus hoped they had thrown them away and that he wouldn't have to see his blood on them. 

He turned one last time towards the door before walking over to the bed and sitting on the chair that was placed next to it, then raising his head and looking at the boy better. 

The fact that he was breathing slowly was one of the first things he noticed because it was strange. Usually James had a way of breathing all his own. 

A breath in, a half pause and then out again. Now it was all the same, no pauses or anything. One continuous movement. 

Regulus slowly raised a hand and then brought it close to his forehead, letting it waver above for a few seconds before slowly moving a lock of hair from his face, just touching his forehead. 

“You know that you have to wake up soon, right?” He began to whisper as he moved the tips of his fingers along the boy’s nose, then over his lips until he reached his hand and held it in his gently, trying not to squeeze too hard. “I know you wouldn’t leave me alone here, but taking a break like this out of nowhere is no fun at all.” He continued in a slightly higher voice now, 

“And you still haven’t answered the question whether you believe in ghosts or not, which is really rude by the way.” He added with a half laugh as he began to make circles on the back of his hand absentmindedly,

“I know I’m selfish asking you this but please, just come back to me. Don’t leave me here alone, okay? You said that we’ll go home together and that’s what we’ll do.” 

“Don’t you dare not open your eyes, you hear me? Because I swear to you that I’m going to kill you if you do that and we both know that I can do that.” 

He looked away from him, “You know that I will miss you, right? I miss you already now. I miss you and it hasn’t even been 24 hours since we last saw each other.” He continued and then sighed, “What did you do to me?” Regulus closed his eyes for a few seconds before snapping them open when he felt James squeeze his hand. 

James squeezed his hand. 

And his eyes were slightly open. 

He could see the hazel brown of his eyes looking at him tiredly but with a small smile, as if sleepy, on his face. 

James was awake and looking at him. He was holding his hand. He was alive and well.

He was well.

He was well, well, well—

“Reg.” James barely whispered, moving his head slightly in his direction and this made him melt, fall, scream and sing. 

He was awake and well.

And he was back to him. 

Maybe the magic wasn’t gone.

Maybe the magic helped him. 

Maybe maybe maybe.

Regulus let his head fall into their hands for a few seconds, closing his eyes, repeating the same words in his head as he tried not to cry. 

He was crying with happiness for James Potter. 

If someone had told him that years ago he probably would have thought he was crazy. 

And cursed him. 

But there he was, feeling all the fatigue fall from his shoulders as the boy squeezed his hand (not so much) tightly. 

“Reg.” 

“Mhm?” He said standing still for a few more seconds before raising his head to look at him. 

“I do.”

He let out a laugh, “What?” 

“Ghosts?” He said closing his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again with a now much more visible smile. 

“You almost died and the first thing you say is this?” The boy asked unable to stop smiling why couldn’t he? 

“I…”

He leaned over to give him a kiss on the forehead, “You don’t have to talk, you idiot, it’s okay, I’m here and you’re going to be perfectly okay.” 

“I miss too.” James managed to formulate struggling not to close his eyes again, his tongue still numb from the anesthesia that hadn’t gone away as the boy leaned over to give him a quick and painless kiss on the lips this time. 

“You can sleep now, Jamie.” Regulus said in a low tone as the man smiled at him one last time before closing his eyes again, not removing his hand from his. “I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise. Thank you for coming back to me. Thank you, thank you.” 

“Me too.” Was the answer James gave him. 

And that was all that mattered.