a pool without water.
The first thing Regulus did when he clearly felt he was awake was to roll over and still keep his eyes closed.
The bed was empty.
He had a vague memory of him and James, or at least, of James walking him to bed while his eyes were fighting sleep the night before, something that had never happened before.
He had never actually had to fight not to fall asleep. If anything, the opposite.
He had probably fallen asleep as soon as he had touched the pillow.
Or maybe he had continued talking.
Had he talked? And if he had? How much had he talked? How had he talked?
Regulus grunted tiredly into the pillow.
While he might not remember what had happened as he was going to sleep, he certainly remembered what had happened before and what had happened in the pool.
And what happened with James and his words and James's words and James's lips on his.
What made him lift his head off the pillow faster than he ever had before was the light weight he felt on the bed, the mattress tilting slightly to the side as it followed that weight.
Romeo stood with his paw in the air tilting his head and waiting for Regulus to move, studying him warily.
Regulus let out a small, barely audible sigh and raised a hand, which Romeo took as an invitation, quickly moving closer to him, and placing his head under the palm of it, before moving even closer and leaning against the boy's side who began to pet him properly with a slight smile.
“I’m going to miss you, you know?” He asked and the cat, who was significantly bigger now, meowed in response. “But I miss my world more.” He added in a low voice, his lips barely moving as the cat meowed again.
After what was at least five minutes, Romeo pulled away from Regulus’s grasp before hopping off the bed and standing in front of the door, sitting up and turning to the boy who looked at him for a few seconds before letting out a small huff and getting up from the bed, muttering a “Give me five minutes,” heading towards the bathroom grabbing a pair of pants and a t-shirt in passing and closing the bathroom door behind him.
Only to walk out about ten minutes later, and be almost struck by the look the cat was giving him, as if it knew it had been more than the five minutes he had promised.
Regulus felt his gaze but still didn't look at him as he walked past him out of the room, with the cat following him of course.
As he stepped onto the bottom of the stairs, his nostrils were immediately filled with the smell of food, which he was pretty sure was the smell of pancakes.
Was Pandora making pancakes? James had probably already gone for his morning run so it had to be her, right?
He looked down at Romeo who was standing by his leg but apparently had no intention of moving without him.
And this was proven when he motioned for him to move forward, which the cat always did when he made that gesture, but didn't do at that moment.
Regulus rolled his eyes and placed one foot forward, to see Romeo doing the same.
“Are you serious?” He asked in a whisper and the cat simply tilted his head.
And then people say that animals don’t understand when you talk to them.
Regulus thought, and always had thought, that they were bullshit. I mean, he did talk to Sirius all the time.
A smile appeared as he headed towards the kitchen for the joke he had just made.
Oh, if only Barty had been there.
He would have laughed for sure.
But the smile didn’t last long because when he entered the kitchen he saw that it wasn’t Pandora who was cooking but James.
James was still wearing his pajama bottoms and a white short-sleeved shirt full of wrinkles, probably taken from somewhere in the closet in a hurry.
Or maybe in the dark.
How long had he been awake? Had he slept? He should have been asleep.
But anyway, at that exact moment, Romeo raised his head towards him and looking straight into his eyes meowed, attracting James' attention who quickly turned towards him, then looked up at Regulus in surprise.
“I’m—I’m sorry I—I didn’t want to wake you up.”
“It’s okay, you didn’t.” Was the answer he received from the boy who was cursing the cat in his head who was watching the situation as if proud of himself.
James nodded just before turning to flip a pancake and turning back to him, “You want a pancake?” He asked in an embarrassed tone, or maybe tired, or maybe unclear, Regulus didn’t know anymore, to which he nodded in response, sitting down at the table, not knowing what to do now.
After what seemed like hours of silence, even though in reality it was probably only a few minutes, James took the last pancake out of the pan and placed it on top of the mountain of pancakes he had created, before placing it on the table and handing Regulus a plate and fork.
“Thanks.”
“Hope you’ll like it.” The boy said, turning on the faucet and starting to wash the pan while he took a pancake and placed it on the plate before taking a bite.
There was nothing to be done, James Potter was a great cook.
The taste was sweet but delicate at the same time and somehow it had managed to expand throughout his mouth, which for a few seconds closed his eyes to the pleasant taste.
James cleared his throat without turning around, “It’s good?”
The answer came a few seconds later, “It’s really good. I understand why Sirius likes you.” An answer that was obviously cursed by the boy who had said it. Why on earth would he say such a thing?
“I’m glad you like them.”
And silence fell on the two again.
James was finishing washing the pot as slowly as possible, while Regulus was moving the pancake with his fork absentmindedly, because obviously they were both thinking about the same thing.
So much so that when the next moment they both opened their mouths, they did so at the same time, saying almost the same thing,
“About yesterday—” James began,
And Regulus said at the same time, “I was so wasted yesterday—”
And they both snapped their mouths shut at the sound of each other’s voices, and then stared at each other in silence.
Silence that was broken by Regulus, who could only hear his heart beating in his ears, “I’m sorry if I said something bad yesterday, I was just drunk and Barty always says that I’m not exactly me when I’m drunk.” He said quickly, without almost thinking about he said, the words almost strung together, almost incomprehensible to someone outside unless James was listen to him and watching carefully.
Except that he was lying. He was clearly lying. He remembered everything. Every detail. And he definitely hadn’t been drunk.
Of course, he had been drinking. But he hadn’t drunk enough to forget James’s fingers running over his back, James’s breath on his face, James’s lips on his, James’s tongue—
“You’re saying you don’t remember? Anything?” James asked uncertainly and the boy didn’t look up when he nodded. The next moment Romeo meowed and the boy in front of him shook his head slightly and he probably wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t been so focused on his reaction. “You’re lying.” He said then with a low voice,
“I’m—”
But surely he noticed the skeptical tone he used when he said, “You’re lying. Merlin, whatever, Regulus.” Then he got up from the chair he’d temporarily sat on and went to the plates that were already set down.
Okay, he knew he was wrong to say that. He wasn’t stupid, he knew. Maybe it was one of the worst things to say, but what else was he supposed to say? That he remembered everything? That he remembered how he’d been the one who insisted? That he would do anything now to be able to kiss him again? To be able to have him near him? To kiss his brother’s best friend who he was stuck with in an alternative world where his parents weren’t his parents and he was never born? Where neither Sirius nor Barty nor Evan nor anyone knew his story? Where the only real, tangible thing, person, was James Potter?
But instead of saying all that, of course, he said the opposite. “What do you mean by that now?”
“What do I mean by that?”
“You sound pretty irritated this morning.”
And when James turned to him this time, the first thing he noticed was sadness, acceptance, or maybe better yet, disappointment, and oh. Anger. “Are you serious? You know exactly what I mean. Do you really think I believe that you don’t understand? You’re not stupid.”
“Aren’t you always the one who listens to others and forgets himself?” He got defensive and okay, maybe it wasn’t nice, but better to argue than do whatever he was doing before,
“And aren’t you always the one who runs away from things? That maybe is too afraid to tell people how he really feels because he’s too scared of people like him back because it’s too much for him to understand?” The latter snapped back and oh, he was angry.
Regulus had never seen James angry or be angry. Angry was a word that didn’t belong to James Potter. Or maybe it was a word that others thought didn’t belong to him, because it was clearly meant for him at that moment. And it did belong to him.
“Oh, save me the lecture, please.”
“Oh, sorry, I forget that you’re too perfect for that, right?”
“Fuck you.”
“No, fuck you Regulus. I told you that you’ll regret it and I was right. Of course I was right.”
“You—”
“You know what's your problem?”
“Oh, I have a problem now, don't I?”
“You think nobody knows you—”
“I never said that nobody knows me,”
“—but I do. I know you. I knew that you will react like this and I knew, I fucking knew, but I was too selfish. Too selfish for once in my life, so I will take the blame for all of this and how was that? We'll blame it on the alcohol like you said, am I right?”
“I don't regret kissing you.”
“You do.”
“I don’t.”
James made a sound of disagreement, “Yeah, that's why you're lying, am I right? And avoiding me?”
“I didn't avoid you!”
“Just wait. You will. You know what? What if I just go and save you all of this, huh? Have a good day, Regulus.” Before walking away and starting to leave the room but Regulus didn't want that. He wanted to argue. He wanted James to scream at him. He wanted him to grab him and maybe punch him. Or kiss him. Or anything. He had to stop him somehow. Somehow he had to.
“Now who is the one that runs away?”
He responded without looking, “Learned from the best.”
“You’re doing pretty good.”
This made him stop, “I see what you’re doing. I know what you are doing.”
Regulus stood up as well, “It seems like a conversation to me. When two people speak to each other.”
“I’m not fighting with you.” James said turning to him, now the two of them facing each other.
“Why not? I want to fight you.”
“You can fight with yourself, you’re pretty good at that. I’m out.”
“Too scared?” Regulus asked stupidly trying to make him stay, and James just looked at him in silence for a few seconds before saying,
“No. But at least I’m the one with clear ideas. When you do too, let me know. I already told you what I wanted to tell you and if you don’t remember it maybe try searching through your foggy memories or I’m sorry if the alcohol was too strong for you or whatever.”
“So you can’t have a conversation. Really mature.”
“You should be the one mature now? We are not having a conversation and we wouldn't have had one. And you know it.”
“The only thing I know is that you’re going away.”
“Well, you hate me, don’t you? Like you always say. Why do you want me to stay?”
“You know I don’t hate you. I’ve never hated you.” Said Regulus softly,
“Then if you don’t hate you should let me go because right now I just want to leave. If you don’t hate me then you should just let me go away because surely you don’t like me right now. so I’ll say that maybe you’re pretty neutral about me. Which is a win, right?”
“James…”
“If you don’t hate me you should just say good day to me.”
“I—”
“Say it.”
“Good day.” Regulus said, surrendering, in a barely audible tone,
“Good day.” He said again and with that he was gone, leaving Regulus alone to stare at the now empty space before him, the ringing in his ears now taking over.
As soon as Evan saw Barty and Regulus enter the bar, the first question he asked was exactly that. “What happened to Regulus?”
“Hello to you too, Evan.” Regulus said flatly as Barty nodded vigorously beside him,
“That’s what I said! I tried to get him to tell me, but he won’t.”
“But we are your friends, you have to tell us your secrets.”
Regulus shrugged, “You don’t tell me your secrets.”
“Because you already know all of ours secrets! I mean, Barty is deaf—”
“That’s not a secret.”
“—and my favorite number is 19.”
Regulus looked at them both for a few minutes before raising an eyebrow, “Are you being serious?”
“Very serious.”
“Totally serious.”
“C’mon, tell us what happened. If you do, then we'll tell you our biggest secret.” Evan said as Barty's eyes widened slightly excitedly,
“You think he is ready?”
Evan studied a little bit Regulus' face, which was full of skepticism at this moment and nodded promptly. “I think he is ready, Barty.”
“That's what I thought. Let's make a deal.”
“Barty, today is not a good day.”
“We tell you our biggest secret, you'll be the only one to know by the way, and you will tell us what's wrong.” Evan said holding out his hand and waiting for Regulus to grab it.
“It’s not a big deal. I just want to go somewhere.” Regulus said vaguely and sadly as Evan didn’t remove his hand.
Barty leaned forward slightly, “Let’s do this. We’ll show you our secret, since Evan’s almost done with his shift, and you can decide if you want to open up to us or not.” But before the boy could answer, he added, “We also have alcohol.”
“Oh woah. That really got me.” Regulus said flatly, though after a few minutes of waiting he shook Evan’s hand who nodded satisfied, before going to serve a customer who had been waiting for at least two minutes due to the whole action.
So after about half an hour he found himself in the car with the two, to go only where they knew.
Of course in their car the music was turned up loud. And of course it wasn’t classical music.
Regulus looked at his phone screen, expecting to find who knows what, especially since Pandora and Lily were in class and James…well, he probably wouldn’t text him again.
What he did find, however, was a message from Sirius, asking how he was and why James had disappeared off the face of the planet, not replying.
Of course he had texted him for James. Why would he text him to ask how he was? It wasn’t Pandora, it wasn’t Benjy, it wasn’t Barty.
It was his brother.
Now, that was funny, right?
He shook his head to get those thoughts out of his system, putting the phone in his pocket and leaning forward, “Where are you taking me? You’re not kidnapping me right?”
“Do we look like two people who could kidnap someone?” Evan asked without taking his eyes off the road that Regulus no longer knew, and had no idea where it led.
“You want to know the real answer?” Regulus asked flatly as Barty nodded beside him,
“Okay, that’s fair. But do you really think that we could kidnap you?”
“That’s fair.” Regulus said as he stepped back and rested his head on the seat.
After about another half hour, Regulus huffed slightly, he knew it had been a bad idea, “How much longer?”
Barty laughed lightly, “I never would have taken you for an impatient boy.”
“It’s been over an hour. I’m seriously starting to think that you’re kidnapping me. Or robbing me. You also need James’s signature to get any money out of the bank.”
“And you don’t think Potter would sign for you to be free?” Evan asked as he turned onto a road,
“Surely not now.”
“So you two fight! What did you do?”
Regulus made an offended noise at Barty who had turned to him, “I did nothing.”
“Oh, please. That guy is so in love with you that you could punch him and he would thank you. And you are the same.”
“One: fuck you, and two: I did nothing. We just fought and now he probably hates me.”
“Exactly, if he hates you, you did something.” Evan added and Regulus raised his middle finger at him in response, which made him smile when he saw it in the mirror.
“I don’t want to talk about it, I told you already. How much longer?”
“Two minutes.” Barty said, turning to look at the road, not satisfied,
Evan corrected him after a few seconds, “Three or four.”
Of course, at least five minutes passed before the car stopped in front of a gate that was placed at the end of a small hill.
“It was five minutes.” Regulus said just to complain as Barty got out to open the gate and get back in the car.
“This is about the fifth time we’ve come, we still have to check the time properly.” Evan explained, stepping inside the gate that looked like it hadn’t been opened for a while. Or maybe it was just the old metal that gave that impression, he wasn’t sure.
When the car finally stopped, the three boys got out of it as Regulus looked up to see what was a huge house.
A house so to speak. In fact more than a house—well, it was a house, yes, but it was a house under construction. A huge house under construction, with at least two floors at least and probably an attic.
Barty walked over to him looking in the same direction, “What do you think?”
“This is a house.” Was the answer he gave as he continued to look at it and the garden in front of it and in front of them.
Evan gestured for him to follow him inside before saying, “This is our house.”
“Your house.”
“It’s our home.” Barty said with a note of affection in his voice that certainly didn’t go unnoticed by the boy, “And you really are the first person to see it besides me and Ev. Not even Dorcas has ever seen it or knows of its existence.”
“That will be the bathroom! Look how big that is.” Evan added the next moment pointing to a room that was indeed quite large before starting to point out all the other things that had been put inside, even if there were still few of them.
Regulus followed the two boys silently around the whole house paying attention as they showed and told him the shapes that the rooms would take in the not too distant future.
A room that became a living room, another that became a bathroom, another that became a kitchen… until they went outside and arrived in front of a swimming pool placed like the one Pandora also had at home and like the one where he had kissed James. “You have a pool.” And that was all he said as the memories he had tried to ignore until now came back to the surface. He shook his head quickly to remove them and bury them at the bottom. He would think about it later.
Later.
Barty smiled before walking over to it and starting to go down the ladder that was off to the side with agility. As if it wasn’t the first time he’d done it and it probably wasn’t at all. “Yeah, a pool without water is better if you ask me.” He then said from the bottom of the pool in a loud voice.
Evan wasn’t slow to follow, signaling Regulus to do the same, “This is definitely our favorite place.” He then said when they both hit the bottom, (it was way deeper than it looked).
The bottom was far from empty though.
There were at least five different pillows, some folded blankets, a large inflatable mattress (that wasn’t inflated yet), new plastic cups placed next to the blankets and at least four more bottles, although Regulus knew there had been more in the past, of the same alcoholic beverage that Evan was still holding. Or rather, the two bottles that he was still holding.
Regulus looked at them for a few seconds before giving up and saying with a smile, “And I’m the one who is rich?”
“You know what we are going to do, right?”
“We are going to look at the stars.” Barty concluded, passing a glass to the boy who shook his head, nudging him affectionately.
“Hurry up and inflate that mattress first, I don’t intend to lie down.”
Evan let out a laugh as he put the bottles down and walked over to the mattress before starting to open it up to inflate it, “We’ll have to take turns, my dear king.”
“It’s going to be fun to take turns, Little Reggie.”
Regulus took the pillow that was next to him and hit both boys with it quickly while they smiled.
It turned out that Evan had actually brought some food, which neither he nor Barty (given the happy and surprised expression on his face) knew anything about.
And so the three of them found themselves eating and drinking and talking about this and that, about how the two boys had saved up for years to be able to have that house.
A house that Evan had only seen once when he was passing by when it wasn’t even halfway built, without a roof or anything, but that somehow had managed to convince him. It was strange how something unfinished, something that probably had no future seen that way, had managed to attract him so much. And maybe it meant even more that when Barty saw it he had the same thoughts.
“Say hi to James from me.” Evan said as Regulus picked up his phone to answer a text as he leaned over to refill another glass.
The boy answered him without looking up, “It’s not James. It’s Benjy.”
“You really did fight with him, huh?” Barty asked, putting a hand to his left ear and adjusting his cochlear implant,
“It’s not important.”
“Of course it is. If I fought with Barty I’d be in your position. I mean, not being able to talk to the boy you love in the—”
Regulus closed the phone screen, looking up tiredly, “Listen. Me and James, we have a different kind of relationship, alright? It’s more complicated than you think and than you know so just stop.”
“Is really that complicated?” He asked skeptically, “What did you do? What did he do? What did you two do to get to this point? I thought you were getting married so it’s a little weird c’mon and now—”
“We’re not together, alright?” He interrupted abruptly and Evan snapped his mouth shut, staring at him with wide, surprised eyes.
Barty cocked his head in slight confusion, “I was fixing the—did I read your lips correctly?” He asked vaguely and confusedly as Regulus dropped his head into his hands for a few seconds before raising it to find them both staring at him.
And they weren’t entirely wrong.
“Yes. Me and James are not together, alright? That’s my secret. This is my big secret. This is all fake. We are fake. This fucking world is fake for us.” The boy continued, “Please stop asking me if we fight because we did and it was all my fault and right now all I can think about is him and it’s making me crazy because I don’t—i can’t think about James Potter.” He blurted out under both their eyes, silence now taking over the air.
Until Barty broke it. “What are you talking about, Regulus?”
Yeah, maybe he should have shut up.
Fuck.
There. This was all James’s fault. If only they hadn’t fought. If only he wasn’t so—so—James, this wouldn’t have happened. All—
“Regulus.” Evan said interrupting his thoughts making him look up at him, “What do you mean by fake, exactly? Because I can hear that you’re serious and not joking.”
The boy bit his lip nervously before sighing, “I meant that this place, this version of you, of everything, doesn’t belong to me. And it doesn’t belong to James either.” He said slowly,
“Right.” Barty said running a hand through his hair nervously which was weird because how could they have believed him right away? How could they not have made fun of him? Why had their expressions suddenly changed? Why did it feel like someone had put something on them that was pulling them down by their shoulders? “Okay, so. We’ll sit down and you will explain everything because I think that—I think that we’re missing something very important. I knew that something was going on. It’s impossible to feel as much of a need to trust you as we do. I knew it.”
“You do?”
“Why do you think we are like this? Talking to you all the time, literally every day, bringing you here… I mean, normal people who know each other like we did, especially like we did, don’t become like us, Regulus. So…”
“Connected? Yeah, I know about that.” He nodded,
“What are you and James exactly?” Barty asked after a few seconds, and that question was very interesting.
Because actually, what were James and Regulus? Two wizards stuck in another world, sure, but what were they now? And why was he thinking about that even at the moment he was discovered, or rather, confessed everything?
He took a shallow breath and began to tell the two of them what he knew and the truth. “I was born in 1961 while James was born in 1960. James is my brother’s best friend, who is Sirius. They met on the train to Hogwarts, which is a school of magic because we are wizards. Yes, me and James are wizards. I met him the year after, when I started my first year with you two, or better yet, with my Barty and my Evan.” He explained as the two of them were now listening intently. “I will spare you the details of all our years together at Hogwarts because they would be too long and too full of fights caused by my Barty, the always effective pranks of my Evan and my happiness to see them next to me every morning even if I would prefer them to torture me before I admit it to my Barty.” He continued with clear affection in his voice as a tiny feeling, small enough to ignore, rose in his throat. “Sirius ran away from our house because our parents were…abusive, so to speak, and that was one of the reasons why we no longer spoke, even though our relationship was already on the rocks as Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor while I was sorted, like all the family, into Slytherin, so it was a bad image to talk to my wayward brother. Years later I managed to leave too, thanks to your help, an almost foolproof plan and the help of my cousin, who also ran away from her parents, it sounds funny when you think about it actually, moving us both to France. Sirius and I made up later but still the relationship between me and James didn’t exist much even though he had been trying to create something for years, mainly because I never wanted it to actually exist as I hated him for reasons too long to explain. It all happened one night after the Quidditch match—”
“Quidditch?” Barty asked curiously as Evan hit him to shut him up, signaling him to continue,
“—which is like soccer for you, that my team won against James’s team. I think some guy was mad or I don’t remember exactly and said something wrong against my Evan so my Barty, as usual, wanted to beat him to death but both James and I intervened at the same time and somehow we fell in the mud and our teacher gave us detention that same night because she couldn’t stand for any violence from us. Even though we didn’t do anything.”
“We are together in your universe?”
“Yes. After my Barty and I realized that we were definitely better as best friends you two became even closer.”
“You and me were together? I knew something important was about you and me!”
“You’re probably meant to be Regulus and Barty in every universe.” Evan said thinking about it,
“We were each other’s first everything, like he always says. He is my first friend before anyone else. And he always will be.” Regulus said affectionately, adding, “But of course you two ended up together in my universe and of course in this one too.”
“I’m destined to fall for you, huh?” Barty asked with a smile,
“Continue, please.” Evan said after a smile at his boyfriend, “You and James.”
“Me and James, right. So me and him ended up cleaning the empty stands of the entire field and while we’re arguing, I don’t remember what, I think we fell. I don’t have a clear memory of that event honestly. The next day, or at least I think it was the next day, we wake up here, in a world where we were never born and where the only person who knows us is Pandora. Even though she probably knows another version of us who is super in love. And that’s how me and James are stuck here trying to get back to our universe.”
“Did you find how?” Evan asked interestedly,
“Not really, but maybe we have a mission to follow that we’re completing. Once we do that we’ll see if that was what we were supposed to do to get home.”
“And how do you and James fight?” Barty asked again,
“I don’t know if we actually fight or not… I mean, yes, of course we did, he didn’t even text me once today because yesterday. I’ve got a little bit drunk, almost not drunk at all in fact and I kissed—” Regulus began to tell, running a hand nervously over his face,
“Woah woah, you what? You kissed someone else?” Evan cut him off abruptly with a gasp,
“You’ve kissed someone else than Potter?”
“What? No, I didn’t kiss anyone else, I kissed James! But we are not really together and—you didn’t listen to anything I’ve said?” He asked exasperatedly,
“Yes, we did. We just don’t believe you.”
Regulus dropped his arms to his crossed legs, “You don’t?”
“I mean, yeah, we do believe you about all the other world and shit like that, but we don’t believe in you don’t liking Potter, that’s all.” Barty explained,
“It’s a religion.” Evan nodded satisfied,
The boy sighed heavily, hiding his face in his hands. “Great.”
“I don’t get you, Regulus.” Evan said suddenly breaking the silence that had formed, as the one looked up to look at him,
“Well, thank you.” He replied flatly,
“No, I mean. You like him. And don't tell me bullshit about how you don't because you fucking do, so stop lying to yourself.” He finished quickly when he opened his mouth to reply. “You kissed him, right? Did he kiss you back?”
A pause. “He kissed me. I mean, we talked and I think I told him that I think about him every day and after I asked him… things, he kissed me. And I kissed him back.” He explained vaguely and for a moment he was glad he wasn't talking to his friends because he definitely wouldn't leave him alone until he told them the whole truth with details.
“Then he likes you, Regulus. Why can't you accept that? You're happy with him. I saw your eyes when he talks to you and he is always talking to you. I saw your face when he made you that bouquet of fake flowers. How can you tell us that you don't like him? How can you tell that to yourself?”
Regulus shrugged, trying to sound as calm as possible, even though his thoughts were quite the opposite. “I do it very well, actually.”
“Oh, shut it.” Evan said, throwing a pillow at him, which was caught, obviously, on the fly, “You like him, clearly. And James? James Potter? He really really likes you, trust me.”
“That's why he let you kiss him! Or you let him kiss him. Or whatever! You kissed because you two like each other.”
Regulus was silent for a few moments before shrugging, “It's complicated.”
“Fuck's saaaake.” Barty said throwing his head back in exasperation with a groan as Evan patted him on the back in support as he looked at them flatly again,
“You two never kissed? Before yesterday?”
“Not really. Just the time with the fake flowers but he still kissed me on the corner of my lips.” He said softly,
“He likes you but he didn't kiss you because he didn't know you if you feel the same or if you'll let him.” Evan said slowly before adding, “And you're telling me he doesn't like you? You're crazy, dude.”
“Don't call me dude.”
“Right because I'm going to call you stupid from now on.”
“Oh, fuck you.” Regulus said as he started to get up but Barty grabbed his arm to stop him.
“Ignore him and don't go. He is being an asshole because he cares about you, that's all.”
“I know. My Evan is the same. I just can't do this.”
“And why is that?”
“Because not too long ago I hated him and now I can't stop thinking about his laugh, or the way I'm probably hurting him right now while he was the most kind person to me even here.”
“We can work on that.” Barty said as Evan handed him a glass which he passed to him, “Now we are going to fix you two and definitely trying to figure out how to get you back into your world.”
In response Regulus drank the whole alcohol in his glass, then take another.
When Regulus’ phone rang, the boy, who had definitely had more to drink than he should (and for real this time) slowly got up from the mattress where both Barty and Evan were sleeping and moved away slightly to answer it, stopping for a few seconds to refocus his vision, without even looking at who it was.
“You called after all?”
But the voice he heard wasn’t the one he thought and hoped it was. “Lus? Everything okay? You didn’t reply to any of my last messages in like two hours. I was worried.”
“Benjy. Oh.” He breathed sadly,
“Don’t be so happy.” He said laughing,
“I know.”
“…you know what?”
“I think it’s the first time that I really want to sleep right now.”
“You want to sleep?” Benjy said with a clearly confused voice now,
“So bad. So so bad. But I don’t have a bed here.”
“You’re not at home? It’s one in the morning.”
“I’m not. I’m in a pool.” Regulus said with a sigh,
“Not your pool?”
“Not mine.” He confirmed,
A long pause before, “Are you drunk?”
“Maybe. Probably. I think so. You think I’m drunk?”
He heard the boy move on the other end of the line, “Where are you exactly? And where is James?”
“I’m in an empty pool with Barty and Evan.”
“What?”
“Yeah.” Regulus said with a sigh as he leaned against the wall, or pool wall, he didn’t know, closing his eyes and listening.
“Does James know where you are?” And when he didn’t answer, he asked again, “Lus?”
“Huh?”
“Where is James?”
“I don't know. Probably home? I hope he is at home. And no, probably not, but he doesn't actually care so it's fine. I should probably go home.”
“What? No, you can't go home.” Benjy said quickly in a different tone now. Was it different? Or maybe it was just a feeling?
“You don't get to tell me what to do.”
“I know, I know. But—that's because I want to take you home.”
“Do you want to take me home? Really?” He asked narrowing his eyes,
“Of course, that’s what good friends do.”
“That's right. You are my friend.”
“Yes, I am. Can you send me your location? Do you remember how to do that?”
“Yes, I do. Pandora showed me how to do it so I can do it.”
“Good good, then send it to me, so I can take you home, what do you say?”
“Don’t bring Sirius, please.” He said suddenly,
“Of course not. He is sleeping.”
“Why aren’t you sleeping?”
“I was looking at the guests at the party on Saturday.” He explained, closing a door behind him.
“Can I invite Barty and Evan too?”
“Of course.” Was the immediate response he received, “But only if you send me the location and wait for me awake.”
“Why shouldn’t I sleep? They are sleeping. I just want to sleep…”
“Because I have a pillow in the car that you can actually sleep on comfortably.” Benjy said in a soft tone as he started the car’s engine,
“Oh. Okay.”
“See you in a bit, yeah? And send me your location.”
“I will. Okay.”
“See you soon, Lus.” He said before attacking.
It took Regulus at least two more minutes before he could send the position to the boy.
He wasn’t sure how much time passed but suddenly he heard Benjy’s voice approaching them, calling his name, so he cleared his throat responding,
“I’m here!”
“Where—in the pool, of course.” The boy said, looking down at him. “Hey.” He then said smiling at him,
“Hi.”
“Ready to go? You want to bring them home too?” He asked, sending a look at the two boys who were still sleeping, “We should bring them home.”
“Nah. This is their home.” Was the answer he received before he approached the ladder,
“Shouldn’t you say hello? Or warn them?” He asked, looking at them, shifting his weight onto one leg, hands in his pockets, not knowing exactly what to do. Regulus noticed that his hair was messier than usual.
“But they are sleeping.”
“I know, but—maybe you can text them?”
“I could do that.” He said starting to climb up and reaching him, then grabbing his hand, “Barty! Evan! Benjy is here so I’m going home!” He then said out loud as Benjy let out a light laugh, watching as Evan raised a hand in the sky with a thumbs up in approval, without however lifting his head from the pillow. A good sign, right? “Good evening, Jy. Or morning?” He then asked turning to the boy once he got out of the large pool,
"How about a good day?" he then proposed, brushing his own hair away from his face, which he couldn't see and which he had tried to remove with a backwards movement,
But he quickly shook his head, “No. Not good day.”
Benjy looked at him confusedly but nodded, helping him to lean against his side as he followed him. “You’re right. Not good day.”
“Are you alone?”
“Oh yeah. Totally alone. It's just you and me.”
“I like that.”
A long pause. “You do?”
“Yeah, it's cool. Like the pool.”
“Yeah, the pool without water, which is by the way, very big.”
“Definitely. I want a pool without water.”
“I'm sure that you'll have it.”
“You think?” He asked as the two had now arrived at the car and Benjy had opened the door for him to get in, “Heeeyy, you promised me a pillow.” He then said with a pout as he put his seatbelt on and Benjy got into the car.
“I know, I know. I forgot. It was too late.”
“You're a liar.” He said, turning away, “Like me. I like that.”
“You like that?”
“I don't know. Should I like that? Probably not.”
“Yeah, probably not.” Benjy said as he turned to backtrack. “You hungry?”
“Not really. You have food?”
“Huh…wait.” He said before pulling out a protein bar, “Only this?”
“That’s not very appealing.”
“Yeah, probably.”
Regulus turned the bar between his fingers before saying quietly, “If you’re gonna eat first maybe I will take a bite.”
“Oh, of course. So I can die first.”
“I’m gonna wait and see if you die.” Regulus corrected with a smile as Benjy leaned in to take a bite of the bar, which tasted like blueberries.
“It tastes good.”
A pause. “You sure?”
“Yes, Lus. I’m sure. You really think I’d let you die?”
“Maybe. Probably not. I don’t know.”
“No, I won’t.” He said, quickly passing him a small pillow from behind and placing it on his lap.
“You had a pillow!”
“I told you I did!” He defended himself,
Regulus hugged it to his chest but decided not to go to sleep, because it wasn’t right. He couldn’t sleep there. He just couldn’t. “We can talk if you want.”
“What do you want to talk about?” He asked promptly,
There was a long pause where at one point the boy thought he had fallen asleep but then, “About Sirius. I think.” Was the answer he said in a low voice, and Benjy, without asking for further explanation, nodded, starting to tell him everything that came to mind while the boy listened in silence, thinking about his Sirius, a feeling of deja vu that crept into his chest and grew slowly.
After a long drive, and after entering the street that Regulus knew well by now, the car finally stopped in front of their house. Pandora's house. His house.
The lights were strangely still on and James' car was parked in its usual spot. Pandora's car was next to his.
“You okay?”
“Mhm. I’m tired.” Regulus said as he gently passed him the pillow and got out of the car leaning on it to keep his balance. His head wasn’t at its best and his balance was probably even worse. Now, how was that fair?
“Of course you’re tired. You didn’t sleep.”
Regulus leaned against him as Benjy offered him a hand to help him keep his balance. “I almost fell asleep. Almost.” He replied vaguely as he ran a hand as usual over the flowers at the entrance heading towards the front door. “I think… I forgot the keys.”
“Really?”
“Mhm. What do we do now?”
“Should we ring the doorbell like we normally do?” He asked confusedly with a laugh as he did exactly that, “I don’t think they’re asleep with the lights on.”
“Maybe James will be up.” Regulus said hopefully with a sigh as Benjy involuntarily shrugged.
“Yeah, sure.”
Not even a few seconds later the door opened and James himself appeared in the doorway, still dressed and still wearing shoes, and not his usual slippers that he put on as soon as he entered the house.
Hey, that was weird.
His hair was messier than usual and Regulus noticed that the lenses of his glasses were decidedly fogged up.
He just wanted to reach out and fix them for him.
Looking up he finally met his gaze and involuntarily a smile appeared, the features of his face that suddenly relaxed. He was home, finally.
However, James’s expression was decidedly different from his own and Regulus didn’t understand why. Was he not even a little happy that he had come home? That he had come back to him? That he hadn’t run away this time?
It was neutral. Flat. And his eyes were fixed on something other than his face, something over his shoulder perhaps?
“Yo, P. Good morning.” Benjy said breaking the silence suddenly, so much so that Regulus involuntarily shrugged, not expecting him to actually speak. He would have preferred silence, honestly.
“Fenwick.” Was the curt response he received from him.
“Hi.” Regulus interjected softly, making James’s gaze shift to him and seeing James’s soften slightly before moving back to Benjy.
“How are you, P?” The boy next to him tried to joke as he squeezed his hip slightly in reflection,
“How do you think I am?” He asked tiredly, shrugging his shoulders as Regulus frowned in confusion.
“I don’t know? You look pretty tired, but I get it. If I wasn’t studying before I’ll be tired too.”
“Well, it’s 3 in the morning and you’re bringing my fiancé home totally drunk.”
“Your fiancé, huh?”
“Yes. My fiancé.” Said James again.
“I’m not drunk though. And I drove slowly.” Benjy said after a moment of silence between the two of them, as Regulus involuntarily pushed himself slightly towards his side,
“You know it’s not about that.” James said before adding, looking him in the eyes this time, “You know what this is about, don’t you?”
Benjy narrowed his gaze slightly as the two were clearly having a mental conversation that he couldn’t follow, also because he didn’t know what they were talking about and what James meant.
“Maybe I do. Maybe more than you think.”
“Trust me, not more than me.”
“What exactly are we talking about?” Regulus asked the next moment confusedly as the two continued to look at each other in silence.
“Nothing, Lus.” Benjy answered him looking at him with a mini smile,
“Oh.” He answered instead looking at James’ hands tightening along his sides. “Do you think he is mad?”
“Who?”
“James.” He said without moving his gaze from Benjy this time, who was still holding him next to him,
“I don’t think he is mad.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to make him mad. Or make you mad. And I feel wrong energy here. I really don’t like the wrong energy.”
“I’m not mad, I would never be mad. And I’m sure Potter is not mad, right?” Benjy asked looking at James, who adjusted his glasses slightly, before stretching his arms towards Regulus,
“Of course I’m not mad.” He said as the boy looked up and after a few seconds he pulled away from Benjy and grabbed his hands, only to be pulled towards him gently and fall into his arms.
James smelled of something Regulus was sure he knew.
It wasn’t orange. He was sure of that. And it wasn’t tea or coffee either. Also because James didn’t drink coffee after 12.
It was definitely something else.
But what?
Benjy cleared his throat before smiling at the two, “I will see you Saturday then?”
“Probably.” James replied as Regulus next to him smiled back,
“Of course. Hear you tomorrow! Or today, I think. Thank you for bringing me home.” He said as Benjy smiled back at him,
“Yeah, thank you for bringing my fiancé home save.” James said instead, leaning slightly and kissing Regulus' head, who slightly closed his eyes at the contact. He liked that.
Mandarin! That was it!
James smelled like mandarin.
“Hear you later, Lus. Potter.” And with that Benjy turned and headed towards his car, while the two remained staring at him until he was completely gone before entering the house and closing the door behind them.
James let out a small sigh before bending over and unlacing his shoes, then taking them off under the gaze of the boy who, after a few minutes, did the same.
“You were right when you said that you weren’t really that drunk yesterday.” He commented just to say something after a few seconds as he passed him the slippers.
“You smell like mandarin.”
He stared at him for a few seconds before giving a small smile. “Yeah, I ate one before.”
“Can we go and sleep maybe?” He asked, feeling the tiredness suddenly fall on his shoulders.
“Yeah, sure.” He said, helping him up the stairs to his room, even though he shook his head because he was more than capable of climbing stairs. But of course he was ignored.
“You know, James,” He broke the silence after a few seconds.
“Mhm?” He asked, looking up the stairs,
“I was happy to see you.” He breathed suddenly, cause he needed him to know.
The boy didn’t look up at him, “Don’t. Please, don’t.”
“Why? I was happy to see you.” He repeated.
“I just wish you were sober for once.” James said barely audibly, shaking his head slightly, opening the door to their room.
“I was happy. But you clearly weren’t.”
“You were happy to see Benjy too. So it's not that kind of a big deal.”
“Not like you. It's different.” He insisted, trying to make him understand the difference. Because there was a difference.
“Yes, alright.” Was the curt response he received as the two entered the room.
“You don't believe me.”
“I don't know if I believe you. You're drunk. Now you are definitely drunk.” He said with a sigh, “I can't believe you.”
“So I'm a liar. Great. Okay, Fuck you.” He said, breaking away from his grip as he turned his attention back to him, shrugging.
“I'm sorry?”
“Fuck you.”
“Fuck me? Why fuck me? Because I'm trying to do the right thing?”
“Because you always want to do the right thing! But it's not about the right thing!”
“Regulus, you're fucking drunk! You smell like alcohol!” He responded exasperatedly, “I actually can't believe that we are having this conversation right now. Again. This is crazy, do you understand that, right? Or I'm the one who is crazy?”
“You wouldn't believe me if I told you this another day. I don't regret kissing you, James. This isn't about that. I don't know what this is—”
“We will talk another time, alright? Let's just sleep.”
“Yeah, because you don't care. Got it. Whatever.”
“I don't care? Me? About you? Are you kidding me?”
“At least Benjy called me for asking me where I was.”
James stared at him in surprise, “I called you too.”
“No, you didn't.” He said narrowing his gaze,
“Yes, I did! Twenty times! I was ready to come and look for you! You didn't answer! None of my messages, or my calls or anything!”
“No, you didn’t!”
“I fucking did! Look at your phone and prove me wrong!” He blurted out as Regulus took out his phone and showed him the effectively empty notification center. James stared at him for a few seconds before rolling his eyes, “It’s on airplane mode, Regulus.” He said before proceeding to turn it off with a quick tap.
And watch the missed calls and sent messages suddenly appear.
Oh.
“Oh.” James did call him. Did text him. Did search him. Even if they fought. He did worry about him.
“Yeah. Oh.”
“But Benjy called and it rang.” He said confused,
“It can happen, I don’t know. But I did call. I did text. And I did fucking worry about you. And I care about you.”
“I thought…” he began in a low tone, pausing, then trying again, “I thought you were mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you.” He said, running a hand through his hair, “I don’t know what I am at you. I just need time.”
“Time from me?”
James stared at him for a few minutes, Regulus never taking his eyes off him. How could he take his eyes off him anyway? “Probably. Maybe it’s for the better. I understand my things and you understand yours. And that’s all.”
“For the better.” He repeated as a heavy feeling fell on his chest.
“I’m sorry, Reg. But I know it’s for the better. For me. For you. For whatever this is. And it’s not about the right thing, right now.”
“Okay.” He said, reaching out to grab his pillow. “I will see you then. Thank you for helping me.”
“Where are you going?”
“I just want to sleep. That’s all. I’m sorry.” James took a step forward but Regulus reflexively stepped back. “I will go on the couch and sleep with Romeo. Please, don’t say anything, my head is spinning and I think I’m going to say something like fuck you again or maybe something else that I don’t want to say for now. Or maybe I’m going to throw up, I really don’t know.” He said, actually managing to say what he finally wanted to say (thanks to the part of his brain that wasn’t pulsing),
“Okay. Alright. I—”
“Good day, James.” He said before turning and walking away just as slowly, trying not to focus on his thoughts.
“Good day.” James whispered into the silent room.
Fuck.