Magic Baby!
Remus leaned forward and picked something off his desk before gesturing for Sirius to follow him. He led Sirius to the back of the house before glancing outside and turning around. Curious, Sirius also glanced out. He watched as James stood a little close to Reg as he demonstrated something. From how red Regulus was and the flirtatious look on James’ face, Sirius knew he wasn’t being appropriate.
“Come on. We can practice up front.” Remus said.
“I think we should practice out here.” Sirius said eyeing the two of them.
“I’d rather not watch the two of them go down on each other.”
“JAMES IS NOT ALLOWED TO DEFLOWER MY BABY BROTHER!”
“When James wants something he’s very persistent on getting it.” Remus said, sounding unfazed at Sirius’s outburst. “And by the looks of it, it’s gonna happen eventually. Either now or later.”
“So, this happens a lot.” Sirius said ready to go break them up. As Reg started to inch closer to James, looking more confident.
“Nope. After Lily, it was just hookups. And he does not do this.” Remus said gesturing at them, “if he’s just looking for sex.” Even though Remus's words were reassuring he still didn’t think it was right for him to just let James go after his brother. No matter how much his brother seemed to like him. Before he could resonate with himself, Remus started walking in the other direction. He led them out the front door in front of the massive grass patch.
“So, first things first. You need something to help you control the magic.” Remus said going into teacher mode, which Sirius found very attractive. “This item should mean something to you and hold some symbolic meaning. Something you could never live without. That’ll make controlling magic a lot easier.”
“Why?”
“Because magic is free spirited and wild. Using just any old object won’t keep it at bay. Especially in wonderland where magic is literally everywhere and much stronger than in your world. You need something you can rely on and focus on. Have anything in mind?” Sirius shook his head.
“What’s your item?” Sirius questioned so he wouldn’t have to explain why he can’t think of anything. Remus held up a black fountain pen with his name on it. “Why that?”
“It was a birthday gift.” Remus said, Sirius could tell he wasn’t going to give much more than that.
“What’s James’s?” Remus rolled his eyes at the question.
“The cane he carries around with him.”
“The cane!?”
“Yep, a long time ago he busted his knee and had to use a cane when he was too rough on it. He’s painted it since then.” Remus said with a find eyeroll. You’ve met Lily?” When Sirius nodded Remus continued, “Her’s is her journal.”
“What’s Marlene’s object?”
“Marlene’s is her paper clip. And Mary’s is her braclet with pearls on it.
“A Paper clip?” Sirius questioned. That sounded absurd. How could someone not live without a paper clip.
“Don’t ask me. I stopped listening halfway through the story.” Remus said, waving him off. “So, any ideas about what your object could be?’ Sirius thought about it for a minute. He couldn’t think of a single object he couldn’t just toss out. Everything he owned had to be approved by Walburga Black, which means he hated it all. Whenever he brought home clothes or things that his mother thought of as ‘low class’ she’d get rid of them. After the first time, he never let himself get attached to anything. He only bought them to piss her off.
“I can’t think of anything.” Sirius admitted. Remus looked surprised by this.
“There’s no special gift from someone. Or an item with a significant story?
“I’ve purposefully never gotten attached to anything. These clothes are probably the closest thing.”
“Ok, we can maybe work with that. Out of everything you’re wearing what’s the one thing you couldn’t throw away?”
“Um,” Sirius imagined his mother coming back and forcing him to get rid of everything he’s wearing. And Sirius realized he could. Subconsciously he knew he’d eventually have to throw them out anyway. “I could get rid of all of it.” he mumbled sheepishly.
“Really? You’d just chuck the leather jacket in the garbage?” Sirius nodded, if it came to Reggie he really could.
“This won’t really work without a special object, or a vessel as we call it.” Sirus looked down at the ground, of course his mother also took away the opportunity to learn magic from him. “I can still give you the run down. For when you find your vessel though.” Remus offered.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.” Sirius said wiping at his eyes trying to keep tears from falling.
“It’s ok.” Remus said placing an awkward hand on his shoulder, he sounded worried. at any other time, Sirius would’ve probably fainted at the touch. Right now, he felt too miserable. “Maybe you can learn without one?”
“Really?” Sirius asked sniffling a little.
“Yeah, it’ll be harder, but I don’t see why not.” Sirius nodded, starting to feel better, suddenly he realized what he had just done. Sirius froze. He had never actually cried in front of someone before. Not even Reggie. He was just so upset about his mother taking this too, he couldn’t help it. “Are you ok?” He glanced up and saw the worried expression splattered on Remus’s face. Shit!
“Yeah, yeah. Sorry about that.” Sirius said, giving Remus a tired smile.
“Don’t apologize. Want to talk about it?” Remus asked.
“No, well. I just.” Sirius took a huge breath before continuing. Something about Remus made him feel like he could trust him with this. “It’s just my mom really. I don’t have a special object because of her. And I guess her taking away my ability to learn magic was just-. It was just the last straw. I’m sorry.” Sirius apologized again.
“Stop apologizing. Is she who you need protecting from?” Sirius gave a hesitant nod. “Well, we better get started if you’re going to learn magic without a vessel in two days.” Sirius thought Remus sounded a lot less cold than when he first met him. “There are four levels of magic. Basic, mediocre, hard, and royalty. Now basic magic is very easy. You should easily be doing some of it by the time you leave. Mediocre magic can only happen when you master the basics. This can take years to fully master. Then you have hard spells, some people never master these ones.”
“Have you?”
“Have I what?”
“Mastered hard level spells?”
“Yes.” Remus replied avoiding eye contact.
“Impressive.” Remus turned his head to cough, and if Sirius didn’t know better, he could’ve sworn he saw a small blush.
“Thank you, James also has.”
“James said you’re the best at magic!”
“Well James is biased.
“But Marelene isn’t!” Sirius said enjoying how embarrassed Remus was getting at being acknowledged.
“Let’s move on. The final stage is royalty and only the royals can master this.”
“Why?”
“They have powers over wonderland that no one else can possess.”
“How come?”
“You ask a lot of questions.”
“Wonderland is crazy!” Sirius defended.
“Well, no one really knows where this power came from. Some say the land gave them the power. Others say the royals made the land and gave it power. No one knows for sure. I don’t even think the royals do either. Now back to learning magic. Have a seat” Remus said getting onto the ground as well. “To control magic. You need to first feel the magic.”
“Feel the magic?” Remus gave a soft hum.
“Separate the magic from non-magic in your mind. Magic feels alive, and warm. It tries to hide within the non-magic. But it’s very easily found when looking for it. Close your eyes and try to really feel for it.” Sirius did as he was told and tried to feel magic, but he felt none.
“I don’t feel anything.”
“Focus on that rock.” Sirus opened his eyes so he could see what Remus was pointing at. It was just a small plain rock sitting next to them in the grass. “Really concentrate on it.” Sirius closed his eyes and tried again. “Now, do you feel something alive around the rock. Warm, perhaps?” Sirius concentrated for a few more moments before he felt it. Surrounding the rock, was a warm glow.
“I feel it!” Sirius announced triumphantly.
“Good, now follow that feeling. Where else is it?” Sirius did as he was told and found it was everywhere. He could feel it surrounding himself, behind the tree. In the air between the hydrogen and the oxygen floating all around them. Now that he felt it, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t before.
“I can feel it everywhere!” Sirius said in awe.
“Yep, now open your eyes.” Sirius obeyed, “Can you still feel it?” Sirius struggled for a moment before he felt it again. The warm feeling was alive and crazy. It moved constantly. Hiding wherever it could. It was an insane feeling, it felt like he was under a blanket. The world was the bed, and the blanket was the magic that coated it.
“This is definitely the coolest thing ever!” Sirius said with wide smile, meeting Remus’s gorgeous eyes. Remus smiled back but quickly looked away. Sirius wished he wouldn’t, he had a beautiful smile.
“Now that you can separate magic and non-magic you can begin the first step in controlling it Which is befriending it.” Sirius gave him a puzzled look. “Magic is very unpredictable. The only way to be sure it doesn’t stab you in the back is to become its friend.”
“You know how crazy that sounds right?”
“Do you want to learn magic?” Remus asked exasperated.
“Yes.”
“Then listen to me.”
“Right sorry.” Sirius said, determined to learn.
“Ok, if you want to befriend the magic. You have to trust it.” Sirius nodded and pretended it wasn’t the most absurd thing he had ever heard. “Call to it.”
“Call to the magic?”
“Yep, let it surround you.”
“Alright...” Sirius said still unsure about all of this. He closed his eyes, however, and tried to call to the magic. No matter how insane it sounded he’s seen lots of magic be done here. So, ignoring all his reasonable thought he called out to it. 'Hey Magic!' This is stupid, 'Wanna be friends?' Sirius waited for something anything to happen. 'I really need this to work Magic so PLEASE!' Just when he was about to question Remus's sanity, he felt it. He thought he felt magic before, but this was something entirely different. It was like walking into a furnace. The air around him felt scalding hot. Magic was coating the air around him. He felt dizzy with it. The hot air suffocated him, he wanted it to leave while simultaneously he wanted it to never go away. When he felt as if he was going to pass out, he opened his eyes to see Remus watching him. He thought the feeling would go away when he opened his eyes, but it didn’t. “You feel it?”
“I’m sweating.” Sirius muttered; Remus chuckled in return.
“Yes, magic can be quite toasty.”
“How long does it stay?
“Pardon?”
“The magic? How long will I be surrounded by it?”
“Don’t know. Like I said Magic is unpredictable.”
“Right.”
“But know that it’s surrounding you. And staying. It’s time to try some basic magic. This is where a vessel is needed. Trying to control raw magic with mere willpower will be very tough. You need something you have a lot of feelings for to help you. But since you don’t. Good luck? I guess.”
“Very reassuring.” Sirius muttered.
“So, I want you to use the magic to pick up that rock from earlier.”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“By controlling the magic and using it to lift the rock. Like this.” Sirius watched the rock come off the ground and fly in a circle and land back in its original place. Without Remus having to lift a finger. “When I first learned, pointing my vessel at it made it easier. Now just having it next to me is enough.” Remus explained.
“That looked impossible!” Sirius exclaimed.
“Nothing's ever impossible just improbable.” Remus paused and blinked a few times, “Sorry, wonderland air. Makes people say confusing things. What I meant to say was if you’re willing to do it then there’s a way to do it!” Remus said with fake excitement.
“That sounds like a bad motivational quote.” Sirius said.
“Just try it.” Remus dead panned.
“Fine. Fine” Sirius closed his eyes and pictured the rock in his mind moving. He tried to make the magic move toward the rock, but the minute he pushed against it, it left. He opened his eyes in confusion as the hot hair disappeared and went back to the comfortable warmth.
“What happened? It just left.”
“Oh, yeah. Magic doesn’t like to be controlled. It’s not gonna be easy. Even with the vessel it takes a couple of tries to be able to do it. And even then, it doesn’t become easy until you’ve done a few times.”
“So, what you’re saying is I’m not going to be able to get in two days…” Sirius said slightly defeated.
“You can. It’ll just be very difficult.” Sirius let out a long sigh. “How about you try one more time and then we’ll find James and your brother and head to lunch, Alright?” Sirius nodded, “Good, now you’re going to have to start over. Feel the magic, call the magic, and then control the magic.” Sirius closed his eyes and tried the process over again. He focused on the warm feeling surrounding him. Once he was sure he had the magic and non-magic separated he called out to it again. 'Hey Magic! It’s me again. Let’s try this again. Yeah?' A lot faster this time the air become very hot. He’s never going to get used to this. This time, Sirius tried to just grab the magic. Just to see if he could even do that. But the moment he reached for it in his mind it was gone again. He tried a few times with no luck, before heading to lunch with Remus.
“I’ll send James a message to meet us for lunch.” Remus said as he walked them to the dining room.
“How?” Sirius asked, looking for a servant or something.
“Through magic.” He said as if it were obvious. “If you’re really close with someone you can send your thoughts to them.”
“That’s amazing!” Sirius said. “Also, I was wondering how James can disappear like that?”
“That is a hard spell. Which James has adapted. Spells are universal besides the royal ones. But people can change them. Like James changed the disappearing spell to happen slowly so the last thing you see is his smile. Or eyes. He tried to teach it to me, but his adaptation only works for him.”
“Have you adapted any spells?”
“Quite a few.” Remus pushed open two golden doors to reveal a giant dining room. The table stretched from one side to the other, it looked as if it could hold 50 people. It was decorated with purple and blue silverware. Above the table was a giant chandelier. The crystals hanging down were shaped like rabbits, cats, and butterflies.
“Why are those symbols everywhere?” Sirius asked pointing towards the chandelier. Remus glanced up at where he was pointing before taking a seat at the head of the table. Sirius sat down beside him.
“Those are the symbols of Wonderland. They are quite silly actually, but James likes it.”
“What do they mean?’
“It’s stupid. Like everything else here.” Remus sighed like saying it might actually lower his IQ “If you are quick as a rabbit, curious as a cat, and as extraordinary as butterfly then Wonderland is where you should be.”
“Butterflies aren’t that extraordinary compared to everything else here.” Sirius pointed out.
“I’ve always thought it was extraordinary that an ordinary caterpillar wraps himself in a cocoon and comes out completely different and anything but ordinary.”
“If you think about things that way then most things are extraordinary.”
“Most things are extraordinary.” Remus replied evenly. Before Sirius could reply, James and his brother waltzed through the door. James circled around them and sat on the other side of Remus landing another kiss to his cheek, Reg sat next to Sirius.
“How was your day talking to magic?” Sirius asked his brother.
“Strange.”
“Reg picked it up really fast! I was very impressed! He even shook the rock!” James said grinning proudly.
“Shook the rock?” Sirius asked, trying hard not to be jealous.
“Yeah,” Regulus shrugged, “I couldn’t lift it, but James said after I do it a couple more times, I’ll be able to lift it with ease.” Sirius swallowed down the bitter taste in his mouth.
“That’s great Reg!” he said instead, “What’s your vessel?” Reg turned red at the question, while James beamed.
“Oh, um it’s the necklace.” Regulus said embarrassingly.
“What necklace?” Reg lifted the silver chain around his neck with a snake at the end. Jealousy disappeared into something a lot less bile, but still impactful. “Well, I’m glad snakes mean so much to you.” Sirius teased, it was either that or start crying like a baby because his brother’s most important item is something Sirius gave to him.
“What was your vessel?” Reg asked looking up. Thankfully a loud whistle kept Sirius from answering him. Suddenly a blue train started coming down the table. James let out a laugh and clapped his hands.
“Dinner’s ready!” He hollered. As the train got closer Sirius could see that each car contained a different item of food. The first car had a teapot. The train stopped by Reg so he could grab the pot.
“This is normal tea, correct?” Reg asked, looking at Remus. Sirius nearly forgot about that experience. It felt like ages ago instead of just two days.
“What else would it be?” Remus asked scrunching his eyebrows together. That seemed like a good enough answer for Regulus, because he poured himself a big glass, shooing away the next car with milk and sugar. The next few cars held turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, and corn. They ate their meals quickly, once they were done the train came back with desert. On top of the cart was a substance that looked like Jell-O with animals inside? On top was pink whipped cream, chocolate, and cherry. Sirius poked it, afraid the small animals might pop out any minute.
“What the hell is this?” Reg asked looking as disgusted as Sirius felt.
“It’s a Wonderland specialty! One of the most flavorful things on the planet. Each animal has a different taste. And the taste differs per person. This dish will taste completely different to me than it will to you.” James said growing more animated as he continued.
“If I die. I want all my possessions cremated with me. So, it’s like I never existed. After my funeral no one’s allowed to speak my name. It dies with me.”
“You dramatic git!” Sirius said rolling his eyes, his brother can be so dark sometimes, “Your names a star people will continue saying it. And as for possessions, no one wants them anyway. So, shut up and take a bite.”
“Does a lock of your hair count as a possession?” James asked innocently, Remus looked over at him as if that was the most disturbing thing someone had ever said. Sirius was pretty sure his face mirrored it.
“James, I swear to god! If you cut off a lock of my hair. I’ll come back to haunt you.” Reg said sounding scandalized.
“Was that supposed to stop me from doing so?” James asked smile growing devilish, “I think ghost Reg sounds pretty fun. Do you think he will make me scream?”
“NO! ENOUGH!” Sirius hollered, as Remus’s eyes grew wide, and Reg looked as if he was about to faint. Sirius took a bite of whatever the desert was, to try and push the intruding thoughts out of his mind. The minute the green Jello looking stuff hit his tongue his mouth exploded in flavors. He couldn’t even decipher them because there were so many things to taste. Every bite he took new, exciting flavors were discovered. He finished the dessert probably faster than he has ever finished something.
“So how do like the Wonderland specialty?” James asked with twinkling eyes.
“That has to be the best thing I have ever eaten.” Sirius realized he had been saying that a lot since he has gotten here.
“I’m glad! It’s definitely one of my top favorite desserts! How about you little star? Is it up to your standards?” Reg, who still looked as though he was not recovered from the last stupid thing James said, took a deep breath.
“It’s delicious. But I think I’m ready to try and lift that rock again.” Reg shoved the rest of his plate away and started making his way to door, James followed him out. Only stopping to share a look with Remus, and to wink at Sirius.
“James is something else.” Sirius said shaking his head.
“You have no idea.” Remus said also shaking his head in disbelief.
“I thought Reg was about to combust on the spot when he said that.” Remus snorted at the comment. It was an adorable sound.
“Ready to try again?” Remus asked, already standing up.
“Of course!” Sirius said, trying to push as much fake confidence into it as possible. Remus nodded and led them back outside.
Sirius tried a few more times with no avail. It was way too hard to control magic without a vessel. Remus tried to give him some encouragement. Although, Sirius could tell that Remus was just being nice. Magic was too wild to use just willpower. A person needed something to aid them. But the problem was: Sirius never looked for help. He learned how to deal with everything on his own, never got too attached, never reached out. He wished just once his mother would let him keep something. That just once he could let himself love something without the fear it would disappear. Who knew learning magic would’ve given him such a reality check.
“I think we should be done today.” Remus said. Sirius was growing more and more frustrated after each fail, to the point where he couldn’t even call the magic back to him. Everything felt cold and wrong. He yearned for the warmth he discovered that day. Sirius didn’t reply and instead fell backwards in agony. He felt silly letting his family problems bother him in this magical world. He felt Remus sit down beside him but didn’t bother looking up. “You know you and your brother are first strangers I’ve let stay in around 200 years.” Sirius cracked an eye open to look at him. Remus was staring off into the distance, his wavy hair being blown by the wind. Why was he getting so upset when the hottest man he has ever seen is speaking to him?
“Why is that? Marlene said you don’t like visitors.” Sirius asked still watching the man.
“I don’t know. I want to say it’s because I felt bad. No one should need protection in their home. But it’s not. I want to say it’s because I can relate. Before James I never knew what a real family was like. But that’s not why either. Honestly, I think it’s because after a while protecting yourself from what could happen is exhausting. I think sometimes it’s ok to let ourselves get attached to new things, even if they could leave us or hurt us. Because it might not hurt us and if it does at least we got to feel it, enjoy it, and love it. And what’s the point of living if we don’t do things for ourselves sometimes? If we don’t allow ourselves to enjoy things because of fear?” Sirius sat up watching Remus closely now, his eyebrows were scrunched together, and he still was avoiding looking at Sirius.
“I’m glad you let us in. I think I needed to hear that. Even if it’s difficult too.” Sirius mumbled back, pushing down the cringe of being so vulnerable.
“Unfortunately, it seems like you and I have a lot in common.”
“Hey!” Sirius yelled laughing a bit, “What do you mean by unfortunately? I’ll have you know you should be honored to be even slightly similar to me.” Remus rolled his eyes, finally looking at Sirius, a small smile placed on his lips.
“I’m very honored.” Remus replied sarcastically.
“I’m just gonna ignore the sarcasm. Because I know it wasn’t intentional. Thank you.”
“You’re something, Black.”
“Something good, I presume.”
“Something. For sure. Want to come to the garden with me? It’s always prettiest in the dark.” Sirius thought his heart would beat right out of his chest. Or maybe he’ll start barfing up butterflies. Remus wanted to show him something! Sirius had to remind himself several time that he doesn’t know this man nor his sexuality, and he could just be being friendly. However, after Remus’s whole speech earlier, he decided to let himself enjoy the moment.
“I’d love to!” Real cool Sirius, “I mean yeah sounds fun.” Sirius said with a lot less enthusiasm. Remus shook his head with a smile, before leading him to the gardens. He took them to the back of the house where Regulus and James were suspiciously missing, but Sirius was too excited to really think about it. They walked further back until they reached a line of dark green bushes with light green flowers that were covered in thorns.
“It’s sort of a secret garden.” Remus informed him, “Keeps unwanted guests out.” Secret garden? Sirius was going to swoon.
“And who might these unwanted guests be?”
“Most people. Specifically, Evan and his lot. Or the Mad Hatter, as he calls himself.”
“I know him! He drugged us! Well, I think he did, at least.”
“Oh, he gave you the special tea? That stuff makes people mad. Hence the name. Now to the gardens?” Remus asked leaning forward towards the bush. Sirius heard him whisper something he couldn’t make it out. Remus straightened up, or straightened up as much as usually did. He slouched a bit, hardly noticeable really. Sirius thought it was adorable. Once he had done so the two bushes, they were standing by, moved inward allowing them an entrance. Sirius gasped as he walked in.
They were standing in one of the prettiest gardens he had ever seen. There were rows of different kinds of flowers scattered around in bunches. A stone path laid out farther than Sirius could see. On the left side was a waterfall that was pouring into a small pond. The pond let out into a river that snaked around the garden. The waterfall was probably 50 ft high and was letting down silvery blue water.
“You like it?” Remus asked, looking over at him sheepishly as if Sirius could possibly ever dislike it!
“I think this is the prettiest place anyone has ever showed me.” Sirius said still looking around it.
“Come on.” Remus said, looking a little red. He led them over to the waterfall. Where Sirius dipped his hand into the stream. It was cold, but really soothing. In the pond were many brightly colored fish swimming around. Sirius noticed one kind that left sparkles in its wake. “Want to take the boat to the back?”
“Boat?” Sirius asked excitedly. Remus gave an affirmative hum.
“Prepared to get wet though.” Remus warned before stepping behind the waterfall. Sirius bit his lip to prevent making a lewd joke and followed him behind it. The cave was only a couple feet deep, but just enough room to store a rowboat. Sirius knew no matter what else happened in his life, nothing would ever stop this.
Sirius helped Remus push the small boat into the water, before they jumped on. Immediately Sirius and Remus were soaked by the rushing water. Remus rowed them out and onto the river. As the sun started setting a million fireflies appeared. Sirius looked around in wonder as a bunch of the plants began to glow.
“Look in the water.” Remus suggested. Sirius nearly toppled over the side turning so fast. “Easy.” Remus said with a laugh as he straightened out their boat. In the water all the fish sparkled making the water look like someone splatter painted it.
“It’s gorgeous!” Sirius said looking back at Remus
“It is.” Remus said not looking away from Sirius. Sirius felt heart give up as he stared into Remus’s eyes. It almost sounded as if Remus was calling him gorgeous. Sirius shook his head. That was a very dangerous route to fall on. Instead, Sirius just smiled and continued to sight see.
“How did you end up here?” Sirius asked Remus after a while. They were turning around a bend that an orange frog was sitting on. Sirius smiled at the massive frog it was probably the size of a cat.
“I, um jumped.” Remus responded. Sirius’s eyes got wide, as he turned to look at Remus. Maybe they were a bit too similar.
“Jumped!?” Sirius asked.
“Don’t act as if that’s not how you got down here.” Sirius stared at him quizzically. Did he tell him that? “James told me.” Remus said answering the unasked question. “He also said your version and Regs were comically different.”
“I’m not shaming you about it. I was just wondering why?”
“I had to give James his cane. I didn’t know at the time Wonderland would magically fix his knee.” Remus shrugged.
“Wait! I saw that happen on the way down the hole! I thought the people pushed you down!” Sirius said suddenly connecting some pieces.
“Huh? No, no. They were trying to make sure I didn’t jump. That was like my fourth try.”
“Fourth try?” Sirius asked intrigued.
“Yeah! When James fell down there after I hit the bird too far, I felt absolutely terrible. I tried to go after him, but other people at the park stopped me from doing so. I tried so many times that they blocked off the entrance. They told me there’s no way James survived the fall. But I couldn’t believe it. He had done so much for me. The least I could do was make sure he wasn’t alive. So, in the middle of the night I went out and took a running start and jumped right in! There were people guarding the hole, but I made it in before they could stop me. And now we are here.”
“Your reason for jumping was a lot more heroic than mine.” Remus chuckled softly at that. “So, what did James save you from?”
“Pardon?”
“You said he had done so much for you. I guess I assumed.” Sirius replied sheepishly.
“Oh, you know. Just family stuff.” Sirius nodded knowing just how much family can affect you. “Oh! We are just about to go through the cave.” Sirius looked out in front of them and saw that the river was leading them right through the mouth of a silver cave.
“Oh!” Sirius gasped. Inside the cave was much darker, the only light coming from the sparkling fish.
“Not a fan of the dark?”
“I’m fine with the dark. I just don’t like confined spaces in the dark.”
“There’s an exit. I promise. It’s not very long at all. There are just vines hanging down in front of the opening so you can’t really see it.” Sirius appreciated the assurance Remus always so easily gave. Like Remus said, the cave’s exit was covered in dark blue vines blocking out the garden’s light. On the outside of the cave, it appeared they made it to a very different part of the garden. This part was covered with trees and bushes. Remus steered them to the left where there was a little spot to dock the boat.
“Where does the river go?” Sirius asked looking out.
“It keeps going into a waterfall. But that’s pretty far away from us. It’s a massive one too. The biggest in Wonderland!”
“I’ve never seen a real-life waterfall until today.” Sirius mentioned as Remus finished docking the boat.
“Really?” he asked, stepping out. Sirius was very grateful this part of the garden was dimer because when Remus offered his hand out to him, he felt his whole-body flush. He took the hand gingerly, and Remus pulled him onto shore. His hand tingled where it was momentarily touching Remus’s. They stood there, Sirius looking up at Remus, and Remus looking down at Sirius. Why are tall people so attractive! Sirius thought for a second that they might kiss. Remus leaned in and....and... Remus let go of his hand suddenly and turned away.
“Right, well. Let’s keep going. Shall we?” Sirius nodded, trying to hide his disappointment at the anticlimactic ending. Remus led them to the end of the garden where there was a small opening in the bushes that enclosed it. “This is my favorite place to read.”
Through the opening was a miniature garden shaped in a circle. There was a small fountain in the center and a few little animals scattered away from them. In the back was a wooden swing hanging from the only tree in this part of the garden. Remus walked over to the swing and motioned for Sirius to sit down. The mix signals were going to kill him, Sirius decided. However, there was absolutely no way that Sirius wouldn’t sit down (or do anything that Remus ever asked him to do). So, he sat and willed himself not to shiver when he felt Remus’s breath on the back of his neck. Goosebumps spread rapidly down his neck as Remus leaned forward and whispered into his ear.
“Ready?” Sirius could only nod, afraid of what sound would come out if he dared open his mouth. That’s when he felt the first push. Remus gently shoved him forward into the air. Sirius would never admit the burst of giggles that came out of him each time Remus pushed him higher. Nor would he admit that that was the moment he fell head over heels in love with a man he met 11 hours ago. He didn’t know it was possible to fall in love that fast. He honestly thought he never would.
As Sirius watched the ground so far below him, he realized he was terrified. He couldn’t do this. In a couple of days, he will never see Remus again, and that was painful. However, Sirius knew it would be far more painful if he did stay. He would fall for him and more and Remus would never feel the same. On the other hand, if Remus were to fall in love with him, he would quickly realize it was a mistake. Sirius was a lot. He can be mean, and he knows it. He can’t promise too always be there. Suddenly Sirius felt very sick.
“You, ok?” Remus asked, slowing the swing down to come to a stop. ‘Sometimes it’s ok to let ourselves get attached to new things, even if they could leave us or hurt us.’ Sirius took a deep breath. He could allow himself this. Just for a little while.
“Yeah! I just wanted to give you a turn.” Sirius said, giving him the best smile, he could manage.
“Oh, I don’t know about that.” Remus said laughing awkwardly.
“Come on! Please!” Sirius pleaded, batting his eyelashes at him.
“Fine.” Remus said, switching places with Sirius. Sirius pushed away any negative thoughts and allowed himself to be happy. Happy for the small laughter leaving Remus’s mouth. Happy that he gets to constantly touch Remus with each push. Happy he got to meet such a smart, caring, wonderful person. And happy that he will have some wonderful pictures to paint when he gets back.
Remus walked Sirius back inside and to the guest room where he would be staying. The walk back to the front was just as pretty. Sirius told as many jokes as he could just so he could hear Remus laugh. He didn’t even care if he made a fool out of himself as long as he got to hear his sinful laugh.
“Here it is.” Remus said scratching the back of his neck, his other hand stuffed in his pocket.
“Thank you, Remus. Tonight, was wonderful!” Remus gave him a small smile. They locked eyes for a few moments and Sirius, for the second time that night, thought something was about to happen, anything.
“Have a good night!” Remus said, taking a step back and leaving Sirius alone in his room. He let out a long sigh as he watched Remus walk away. Once he was out of sight, Sirius went into his room.
His room was very big and very yellow. The walls were cream colored with yellow flowers on them. The bed was green with gold markings. The curtains matched the coloring of the bed as well. On the wall was a massive wardrobe. Sirius gasped when he looked inside at all the options of clothes. He pulled out a pair of purple and white plaid pajama pants to change into. Realizing he was still a bit damp from the waterfall. He had been so absorbed in Remus, he forgot all about it.
Once ready for bed, Sirius noticed that on the nightstand there was a small purple and yellow notebook and pencil. He quickly picked it up and drew a picture of the garden. He was experiencing a lot of mixed feelings that night. On the one hand he was ecstatic, he spent the whole night getting to know Remus and having his undivided attention. However, on the other hand he was terrified, he didn’t know how to have a relationship, how to love something. He learned to never get attached to anything. The only thing he loves is Reggie, and he can’t even say it to his face. Then on the third hand, or first leg? He’s confused. He swore Remus was about to kiss him, not once but twice! So, why didn’t he? Was Sirius misreading the situation? Was Remus also afraid of commitment? Or was Remus protecting himself from Sirius?
Sirius finished his picture of the garden, he made sure to draw the two of them in the boat flowing quietly down the river. Once back home Sirius decided he was going to paint it and keep it forever as a reminder of this day. Sirius closed his eyes and dreamed of green eyes, flowing rivers, and beautiful laughs.