End of the Beginning
Bang! Bang! Bang! Sirius jolted awake at the sound. Before he could even manage a response. James was strolling in. He was already dressed for the day. Today his suit was blue and green striped. Sirius was too tired to comment on the switch up. James plopped down at the end of the bed and stared him down. Sirius had to rub his eyes a few times. He was sure he was imagining this. James looked serious. Ha! He never was. He was wearing a different color. And it was much too early for this kind of confusion.
“So.” James said still staring at him.
“So?” Sirius asked confusedly.
“Tell me everything!” James said, his face turning into a giant grin. He fell forward, resting his chin in his hands, as he waited for Sirius’s response.
“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sirius said, feeling himself blush. He picked up a pillow to try to hide his face in it.
“I heard you two come in last night. It was super late! I just know something happened! So just tell me!”
“Why don’t you ask Remus?” Sirius asked, avoiding the question.
“I will! I just want to hear your side first, so I know how to approach Remus about it. Like is this cause for a celebration! Almost celebration. Or no celebration.”
“Wow. Well-“ Before Sirius could answer his younger brother busted through the door. Sirius and James whipped around to look at him. It was obvious he had just woken up. His hair was askew, his clothes were rumpled, and his eyes were droopy. However, instead of turning around at the sight of James, seeing him this way. Regulus took a seat next to him at the end of the bed.
“Morning little star!” James said looking up at him from his spot with smile.
“Morning.” Regulus returned with a small smile.
“Now,” Regulus said turning his attention to Sirius, “Did you two fuck?” James busted out laughing, as Sirius made a scandalized noise.
“No, we did not!” Sirius said, crossing his arms.
“Then what were you two doing for hours?” Regulus asked, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.
“Now that would be a cause for celebration!” James said cheerfully.
“He was just showing me around the garden...” Sirius mumbled avoiding eye contact with the two.
“Aww!” James said at the same time as Regulus spoke.
“Sap.” Regulus said disgusted.
“Thank you, James. Fuck you Regulus.” Sirius said, throwing his pillow at his younger brother. However, he immediately regretted it, because now he was no longer able to hide behind it.
“So, you guys just walked around a stupid garden?”
“Don’t act like you weren’t thrilled when James showed you around the flower’s garden.”
“At least it led to something.”
“Excuse me!” Sirius cried. Regulus looked smug and James just looked very happy, as usual. “And what the fuck did it lead to!?”
“You’re just mad I kissed James before you kissed Lupin.”
“Mad? I’m not mad! I’m shocked! With the way you flirt and act I thought there was no way anything would become of this.” Sirius said gesturing between the two of them. Reg glared at him.
“I thought he was very charming.” James said looking up at Reg like a lovesick puppy. Gross!
“See!” Reggie said pointing at James, “he finds me charming.”
“James probably finds spiders cute, gives the thief his wallet, and would give the murderer the benefit of the doubt. His opinion does not count.”
“I’m actually terrified of spiders. But I feel too bad to kill them.” James said.
“Exactly.”
“Ok. Fine. I see your point.” Reg mumbled.
“He’s probably the only person on this planet who’d put up with you.” Sirius said, moving closer to Reg so he could put a teasing arm around him.
“At least I have one person. Where’s yours again?” Sirius shoved Reg away from him, so he wouldn’t have to look at the smirk on his face. James busted out laughing again from his spot on the bed, rolling over so he was on his back.
“Ha. Ha” Sirius said with an eyeroll.
“Well, this was fun! But I have to go pester Remus now. I’ll see you guys at breakfast!” With that James disappeared, completely for the first time.
“I can’t believe you actually kissed Mr. Sunshine.”
“I kissed him first too.” Reg said proudly. Sirius stared at him for a second, Reggie was really gaining some confidence here.
“Really? Well, come on now tell me everything!” Sirius said with raised eyebrows.
“There’s not much to tell. I was struggling to actually move the rock. So, he said something like ‘try to locate where the biggest cluster of magic is. Use that to move the rock.’ And at this time James was sitting behind me. So, I. Um.” Reg cut off looking embarrassed.
“Come on Reg! I told you about the time that I paid that servant girl to be my first kiss!”
“That was pretty pathetic.” Reg said with a snort.
“On with it!”
“Right. Right. Well, I turned around and told him that nothing feels more magical than him.”
“Oh my god! And you called me a sap! That was painful!”
“Anyways.” Reg said waving Sirius off, “He got all cocky like he usually does. He leaned forward and said ‘oh? If you think I feel magical now just wait-‘ and then I kissed him. It was mostly to shut him up. I knew whatever he was about to say was going to be very embarrassing for him.”
“Right embarrassing for him. And definitely not going to make you flustered or anything.”
“Precisely. And then I lifted the rock, and we went back inside.”
“You lifted the rock!? Good job Reggie!” Sirius said genuinely proud
“How about you? Have you lifted it yet?” Reg asked, he was always horrible at taking compliments. He always changed the subject before he had to answer.
“Oh, well actually.” Sirius muttered, “I can’t even control it.”
“Really? Do you need a better vessel?”
“That’s the problem. I don’t have one.”
“Oh.” Regulus said, understanding what Sirius had not said out loud. It was no surprise to Reg about what happened to all of Sirius’s previously favored things. Sirius was always grateful that he never had to explain anything to Reg. He always just knew. And even if he didn’t, he knew it was better not to ask. “I’m sure you will find one eventually.”
“Maybe.” Sirus said with a shrug. “Let’s go see what’s for breakfast. Yeah?” He asked trying to change the conversation before he got upset by it.
“Sure.” Regulus said easily. Sirius threw on a black shirt, he’d get dressed after breakfast, and they made their way down to the dining room, Sirius started to feel antsy the closer they got to the room. He was really excited to see Remus again. But he was also terrified to do so. Sirius knew he was falling for the man, and whether or not those feelings were reciprocated, was not the problem. The main problem that is. The main problem is that no matter what is or isn’t happening cannot continue. He has to leave tomorrow and will probably never see Remus. And to avoid heartbreak, he must avoid all interactions with Remus. He will learn magic from him and that’s it. No more romantic walks in the garden, locking eyes, or touching. Especially no touching!
Sirius stepped into the dining room and felt his brain short circuit. What was he saying again? Remus was sitting at the table looking exhausted. His hair was a mess, he had bags under his eyes, and he was struggling to keep his eyes open. He was still in pj’s red and black flannel pants and a grey T-shirt. He looked gorgeous. Sirius stood there staring at him as if he were in a trance.
“Sirius you're drooling.” Regulus stated from beside him. Sirius clamped his mouth shut, unaware of when he had opened it. He was about to tell off his brother, but quickly realized he was in fact drooling. He wiped at his chin hurriedly. Flustered and embarrassed he took a seat beside James, so he had a perfect view of Remus, who was asleep again. Regulus sat next to Remus across from James. The two of them made immediate eye contact, James smirked and winked at Reg.
“Please stop eye fucking each other. I am trying to eat!” Sirius exclaimed pointing down at his muffin. Reg averted his eyes immediately, while James chuckled quietly. Remus had the biggest reaction, he jolted awake from the commotion, banging his knees on the table. He looked around in the room in a panic, green eyes going wide as he searched for what had awaken him.
“Long night?” James asked teasingly.
“Fuck off.” Remus responded sweetly; James snickered at the comment. Seemingly more awake, Remus turned to look at Sirius. He gave them a tired smile before looking back down at his plate. Sirius could swear the butterflies would fly right up his throat. No eye contact, Sirius reminded himself quietly. But he couldn’t help the quick glances over at Remus throughout breakfast.
After breakfast they found themselves back over to the front of the house. Sirius sat in the grass followed closely by Remus. Sirius noted their close proximity immediately and realized that this would be a problem. How would he able to focus on magic when if he moved his knee an inch it’d be hitting Remus's. Maybe he could make his bad luck his vessel, he certainly couldn’t live without it.
“I was doing some research last night,” Remus started, rubbing idly at his tired eyes.
“Is that why you suddenly look like zombie?” a gorgeous Zombie.
“Ha.” Remus deadpanned, making Sirius chuckle a little. “I was doing research about vessels. And seeing if anyone has ever controlled magic without one.” How is Sirius not supposed to fall for this man when he’s so kind??
“Did you find anything?” Sirius asked eagerly. Remus let out a sigh and gave Sirius an apologetic look. Sirius shoulders fell in disappointment.
“Well maybe I can be the first?” He tried weakly.
“You wouldn’t exactly be the first...” Sirius felt himself perking right back, leaning towards Remus a little bit. “The royals were the first and only people to be able to use magic without a vessel. They all can apparently. And I was thinking you could ask her to teach you. But I doubt she’d grant two wishes. You’d have to choose home, or magic.”
Well shit. Sirius would immediately choose magic, if it weren’t for Reg. He doubted Reg would want to stay forever. He could never force something like that on his younger brother. He has made a lot of mistakes as a sibling, but this would not be one of them. However, if he learned magic maybe he could also learn a way to get home. Then, he could come visit Remus still. But Remus is the most powerful wizard down here and he still can’t do it.
“How come you can’t leave here?” Sirius asked Remus who had been sitting there silently letting Sirius process what he had just said.
“The royals put up a field not letting anyone come in or not. They thought it’d be too dangerous to let this raw magic in the world.”
“But we got down here?” Sirius questioned.
“Right, well the field was never full proof. Sometimes it starts to wear a small hole appears. Allowing people to come to Wonderland. The royals have a few people who patch up the holes as their job. The one we came through, however, is the main one. That’s the one the royals’ men uses to get in and out of Wonderland. And no one is exactly sure where it is.”
“So, you can’t just conjure up some spell and break the field?” Sirius questioned.
“No, no. It would have to be very strong to break the royals’ magic. But even if I did the penalty of that is death.”
“Death!?” Sirius shrieked.
“Yeah, some of Wonderland’s laws are a bit strict. But needed.”
“If you say so.” Remus just shrugged in response.
“I can always do more research and see if there's any outliers.” Sirius instantly perked up at this.
“I wouldn’t want to be a bother...” He started before Remus waved him off.
“I enjoy it. ‘s no problem at all. But anyway.” He was cut off with a yawn, making Sirius feel guilty about forcing him to do even more research. “Sorry. Let’s start again from yesterday. First, feel the magic.” Sirius closed his eyes and began concentrating. He could feel Remus’s body heat and instantly forgot he was supposed to be searching for magic. He cursed himself quietly before locating the warmth that surrounded everything. It truly was a crazy feeling, being able to touch and notice the presence around you.
“Good, now call it to you again.” Remus said once Sirius let him know he found the magic. Sirius began his calling, ‘Magic, oh Magic. Where for out thou Magic?’ He projected out into the air, amusing himself greatly by reciting the classics he had been forced to read his whole life. ‘Magic? Remember your dear friend Sirius?’ With that he felt the suffocating rush of heat encompass his body. Sirius began the task of trying to bend the magic to his will. He tried to think of a happy memory. Maybe that would suffice for a vessel. Sirius first thought was last night. Yet he immediately rejected that idea. It would do him no good to become even more hot and flustered, Then he decided to recall the time he bought Regulus that necklace. Reg tried so hard no to get emotional. While holding that memory Sirius reached out and motioned the magic to the rock.
He felt the magic rush to the rock. Sirius felt a wave of excitement before the magic wizzed away like it was never even there. Frustrated Sirius squeezed his eyes closed and tried concentrating even harder, but the magic was gone.
Now, Sirius has never been very rational and hates when things don’t go his way. He began in earnest calling for the magic. ‘Come back! Please come back! I need help! Pleease Magic! PLEEAAASSE! He felt the wave of anger start to build up in his chest, he tried as hard as he could to shove done the intruding emotion. ‘Magic. I’m about to lose my goddamn mind if you don’t get your arse back here! Does magic have an arse?’ Just when red began clouding Sirus’s vision, he felt a soft but firm hand on his shoulder.
“Sirius? Are you alright?” He heard Remus ask tentatively. Sirius hadn’t relaize he had been shaking in frustration. He slowly opened his eyes and willed himself to stop his inessive shivering. He slowly looked at Remus who moved in front of him, his eyes searching his face worriedly. He’s unbelievably gorgeous. His hair blowing in the wind giving Sirius an opportunity to see his normally hidden forehead. He followed a particular scar with eyes that was usually concealed by hair. “Sirius?”
“Hmm?” Sirius asked, having already forgotten Remus had asked him something.
“Are you alright?” Ah yes, that was it.
“Oh yes. Just a bit frustrated is all. I’ve always thought I was a charming, delectable young man. And yet I keep getting stood up by magic! But not before it teases me the twat!” Remus rolled his eyes with a small chuckle. Immediately, pulling Sirius out of his bad mood. How could he be mad when he, Sirius Black, made the most handsome man he has ever laid eyes on laugh?
“Idiot” Remus said fondly, his eyes still dancing with humor. “You just need to keep practicing, but-” Sirius plopped down dramatically
“Ugh! But I need a vessle to be able to properly control it. I know, I know.” Sirius moaned. “But here’s the thing wolf wolf, I’m naturally good at everything! So, this practicing isn’t really doing it for me!”
“Wolf wolf?” Remus questioned incredulously.
“Well yes. Remus. Lupin. Wolf. Wolf.”
“No, I got it. Mary already me wolf.” He murmured annoyingly. Suddenly Sirius shot up nearly colliding with Remus’s nose.
“Do you know what Mary said about the wolf!?” Sirius asked, eyeing him. “That he like to be left alone! Have you been lying to me? Is your name actually Wolf wolf!? Because it appears that you seem to quite enjoy my company! OH Maybe you and James are the best friends who lie!” Sirus accused.
“Bloody hell! Your almost as bad as James!” Remus said shaking his head. “I haven’t lied about anything. Mary tells everyone that riddle. It doesn’t mean anything. I also hate your company, I'm doing it for the chocolate.”
“She did tell us to take the path with no ending.” Sirius said, choosing to ignore Remus's blatant lie. Remus’s eyes snapped up to his.
“The path leads directly to the Meadows. What do you mean that it has no ending?” Remus asked bewildered.
“That’s what I mean! Me and Reg were following the path. And then James fucking appeared out now were. Scared the blimey outta me. And told us all about how Mary is leading us to a dead end. And then there was a dead end.” Remus smacked his palm to his face.
“That-” He made a small noise in the back of his throat.
“What?” Sirius asked nervously.
“James made the path disappear, so you’d have to follow him.” Sirius huffed a disbelieving laugh. That was such a James thing to do. “He really was besotted with your brother the moment he saw him.” Sirius made a gaging sound.
“Please. Don’t remind me. I’d rather wrestle with magic again,” he huffed.
“Come on, let’s go get lunch and try again after.” Sirius quickly agreed. He would follow Remus anywhere if he asked. They made it to the kitchen and Sirius found it empty. Remus went about making them sandwiches to take with them.
“Should we find Reg and James?” Sirius asked, always needing to know where his brother is after years of abuse.
“They went out. James was invited to tea with Pandora and brought Regulus along.”
“Pandora? As in the sister of Evan? As in the people who drugged us!?” Sirius asked incredulously, about to run back into town.
“Oh, don’t worry about them. It’s at Pandora’s. Special tea is Barty’s special-ty!” Remus smacked himself in the face. “I cannot believe I just that stupid phrase out loud” he groaned.
“Special tea is Barty’s Special-ty??”
“Yes, he thought he was so clever when he made it. No thanks to James who highly encouraged the wretched slogan. But I promise James won’t let Regulus drink any special tea.” Remus paused for a second. “Unless Regulus wanted too of course.”
“Right, well I guess that’s alright. But shouldn’t he also be practicing magic?’ Remus stiffened as slowly handed Sirius a sandwich.
“Apparently, Regulus is really excelling in magic. He’s already able to pick things up and throw them. After you can do that learning Mediocre magic is a snitch.” Sirius felt himself deflate a bit. He just wished he had something special.
“And people don’t work as vessels?” he asked slowly.
“I wouldn’t suggest trying. Then you’d only be able to perform magic while they’re there. Although, I’ve never heard of anyone even trying it. To risky I presume.” Sirius nodded slowly.
“Would you like to practice anymore?” Remus asked a bit awkwardly. When Sirius didn’t answer right away and instead distracted himself by taking a couple bites of the sandwich Remus continued. “I mean I could always ask James to take over. I’ve never really taught anyone magic before. So, I can’t say I’m the best option anyway and-”
“What?” Sirius asked, eyes snapping up. “You’re a perfectly great teacher! This has nothing to do with your teaching abilities and everything to do with my familial problems. Fucking Blacks can’t let us have one nice thing!”
“I’m sorry sweetheart I really wish I could help more.” And suddenly, all Sirius could hear was a chant of, ‘he called sweetheart.’ He stared adoringly up at Remus, as he tried to comfort him for something that was in no way Remus’s fault or problem. Remus was too kind and sweet for his own good. He really hoped that Remus learned to love and and get everything good in his life when he had to return.
“Remus, you’re helping plenty enough just being here.” He stated truthfully. Watching a wave of red adorn his cheeks
“Well, I’m glad I could help in any way possible.” he said, staring into Sirus’s eyes. Their sandwiches have long been forgotten. Sirius put a tentative hand on Remus’s chest, unsure of when they had gotten so close. Remus’s green eyes sparkled. Sirius opened his mouth searching for words that had long since left him. His mind could think of nothing but ‘Remus.’ He watched as the man in question leaned forward. Sirius could feel his heart trying to break through its cage. Just when Remus was about to close the distance the door flew open. A loud crash sounded off to their left. They both flew apart in shock of the noise. Sirius had knocked over a bowl of apples with elbow.
“Well, we best get back to practicing.” Remus mumbled. After several excruciating hours of speaking to magic, Sirius was nowhere close to getting close to bending or manipulating magic. They decided to call it day once Reg and James returned home.
The four reunited in the living room, before Remus excused himself to go study in the library. Sirius sighed, after what he assumed to be another almost kiss. Remus started acting very strange, like he couldn't wait to get away from Sirius. And Sirius really couldn’t blame him, even if he wasn’t leaving tomorrow. They barely know each other, the minute Remus starts to see all the ugly hidden within he’d want nothing to do with him anyway.
“Have you started getting the hang of magic yet? Reg asked, looking over at him curiously. He was sitting next to Sirius on the couch, with James lounging next to flipping his cane around.
“Nope” He said popping the “p.”
“But I’ve heard you’ve been quite the prodigy.” Sirius said, trying not to sound bitter.
“I wouldn’t say that-”
“Reg you’ve learned unbelievably fast! The fastest I’ve ever seen. You’ll have Mediocre magic mastered in no time!”
“What is the difference between mediocre and hard magic?” Sirius asked, trying to change the conversation before he lost his mind.
“Oh, Medicore you’re just moving objects and changing their form. Hard magic is changing how something looks. And then advanced magic is changing something’s chemistry or makeup. For example, moving my cane across the room is mediocre.” We watched as James’ Cane danced across the room and back, “Hard magic is changing its color.” His green-striped cane turned back pink and purple in a blink of an eye. “And advanced magic is making it disappear.” The cane slowly turned invisible, leaving just the hook before that disappeared as well.
“Why does magic like you much and not me?” Sirius groaned.
“Who doesn’t like me?’ James laughed, before Sirius could tell him just who regulus interupted.
“I think I’ll be heading to bed.” He gave a pointed look at James who grinned like a madman. Gross.
“A pleasure as always Sirius.” James said bowing dramatically before quickly following Regulus in a strange little march. Reg looked back at him with a small shake of the head.
Sirius decided to go find Lupin to tell him goodnight. He was pointedly trying to not think about leaving the next day. He had grown accustomed to the strangeness of Wonderland these past few days and is not looking forward to returning home.
He walked up the golden stairs and made his way to the massive library. Remus sat nose in a book. He was so concentrated that he didn’t even see Sirius. Sirius watched perplexed as he held a cigar in one hand and jotting down notes in another. Sirius watched as he scrunched up his nose, sighed a bit and then write down something margins of the book. Sirius didn’t want to break the moment, so he decided to quietly watch until Remus noticed him.
Remus brushed away his sandy blonde hair from his face, looking adorably frustrated with whatever he was reading. Using the hand with a pen he flipped back a few pages before aggressively slamming the book closed and making eye-contact with a very sheepish Sirius.
“I came to say goodnight,” Sirius started as an explanation, “but you seemed so ingrained in you book I didn’t want to bother you.”
“You’re never a bother” Remus said instantly, Sirius felt his cheeks grow hot. As Remus also grew a tad embarrassed. “Well-”
“What are you reading?” Sirius interrupted.
“Just doing more research for you.” Sirius smiled gratefully at him.
“I’ll be leaving tomrrow, there’s really no point in you doing all of this,” Sirius could’ve sworn Remus’s expression dropped with the reminder.
“Right, well I guess I’ll be heading off to bed.” Remus muttered packing up his things.
“Wait!” Sirius said as Remus tried to make his way past him. Remus stopped looking at him making Sirius lose his train of thought. Remus gently pried himself away from Sirius.
“Tomorrow is going to be a big day. You should rest.” With that Remus headed to his room. While Sirius stared at the massive walls in his library wondering how he will ever be able to go back to normal after all of this.