The Bewlay Brothers

September 5th, 1971

It was the day of the first full moon outside of the secluded Lupin cottage. But as he stood before the glamorous sight that was the Great Hall—living his childhood dream—he wanted nothing more than to sleep horribly on his old mattress and fum about the old record player and listen to one of Kira’s dark jokes.

But alas, he sat at the Gryffindor table, having the worst day of his life. The news about the fistfight spread like wildfire; their whispers curling around him like rings of smoke. Whether it was the snide comments about blood-purity at the Slytherins table or what felt like hundreds of people pointing at him. He could feel they’re gazes biting into him. 

Someone even began calling him; “Loony Lupin.”

He was pretty sure it was Sirius or James (all the more reason to dislike the too-loud boys who he was stuck in a dorm with).

Their voices rang in his ears like the broken bells of the coffee shop; only much louder and much, much more insufferable. From the deafening clank of shoes clicking onto the hard stone floor to the ear-splitting bang of a glass on the table and the stupid children and stupid ‘Loony Lupin’.

He wanted to be away from the sound of feet shuffling on the limestone floors and the sound of children laughing and teachers chattering and the food that would normally put a smile on his face but today made him want to puke.

The mere sight of the bacon and eggs piled onto his plate made his stomach churn.

“You look awfully pale, Remus,” Lily said. “Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital wing?”

“I’m fine. I don’t need to go to the stupid hospital wing,” he grumbled.

She sighed at the uneaten food on his plate; tossed around with his fork and knife. He tried to gather the motivation to eat, telling himself that he was going to die of starvation, but he couldn’t bring himself to put the things in his mouth.

Mary gave him a sympathetic look. “You really do look a little sick.”

When Lily introduced him to the curly haired  girl, he’d been hesitant to befriend her. But as he got to know her he was becoming more and more fond of her. He liked her boldness; and how she too didn't stand for the wizard's pretentiousness. She was also quite pretty, with dark skin and curly hair full of all types of creams and gels.

“You should at least try to eat,” the brown-skinned girl insisted.

He smiled at them, tossing his plate aside. He would be fine without food for the day. He was never hungry around the moons anyway. Besides; the wolf always hurt him less when it didn’t have any energy to attack.

“I swear, if it gets worse I’ll go to the hospital wing, alright?”

Lily looked unconvinced. “Promise?”

“Yeah.”

By the end of breakfast, Remus hadn’t taken a bite out of his food and Lily and Mary’s pitying looks were angering him more by the second. At home, he’d never received any pitying looks—except maybe from his mam—and Remus was really beginning to appreciate Kira’s sharp-tongue and blunt insults. 

Potions class was dark and depressing; built of cold, black stone. It starkly contrasted the old oak of the coffee shop or the creaking tiles of his old home. At least the sun could pour through his shattered windows. In this room it was cold, dark, and oh so loud. 

Remus wanted to claw his ears out.

The harsh snap of the closing blinds. The ear-shattering clank of cauldrons onto the hard stone floor. The laughing children ringing in his ears. A wand clinking on the cauldron. Someone’s leg tapping furiously at the wood floor.

 His blood pounded in his ears.

Millions of books slamming open. The teacher’s lips were moving but Remus couldn’t catch what was coming out of them. The boys from his dorm wouldn’t stop yelling. The girls behind him wouldn’t stop screaming.

Why was everyone screaming?

His ears were burning and his temples were aching and he’d do anything to make it all stop. To make everyone just shut up and stop yelling for once.

And as if his day couldn’t get any worse, Lily chose to sit with her friend from Slytherin—the house of those stupid greasy kids that would take any excuse to push random guys against the wall—and Remus was stuck with what was probably the loudest boy in first year as a partner.

Sirius Black threw his shiny cauldron onto the hard floor. Remus winced. And just as he was about to tell the boy off for the increased pain that banged at his head like a ton of bricks and the dizziness that made him feel like he wanted to faint, he realised that Sirius was also wincing at the noise.

The raven-haired boy laughed, if only somewhat nervously. “I guess we’re both sensitive to sound, then?”

He rolled his eyes, massaging his temples. “I guess we are.”

The teacher that walked in was probably his least favourite teacher yet. He was a plump man of grey hair and wording so pretentious that Remus actively fought the urge to punch his face off. 

The room was screaming and yelling and his temples were throbbing and Sirius was whispering in his ear and-

“Let’s introduce ourselves, shall we?” 

And finally, finally, everyone was quiet. Remus could have cried with relief.

The teacher with the creepy smile and green tie seemed more interested in the Slytherins as he scanned the crowd, but his eyes landed on a few Gryffindors in the mix.

He pointed at one of the Slytherins at the front. The brown-skinned boy stood tall and proud; like it was clear where he belonged in this world and there was nothing anyone could do to change that.

“Nicolas Zabini.”

The man’s eyes brightened with the name. “I hear your parents have done great things. You have a lot of potential in my class, like your parents.”

Remus regretted that he’d ended up like his father. If he weren’t a wizard he’d probably be laughing at the coffee shop with Kira right then. 

Pushing the thought away, Remus strained his ears for more of the conversation as the boy resumed speaking but he couldn’t hear much else because Sirius’s heart was speeding up beside him and he wished it would stop because it was giving him a headache. 

“And you, back there?”

The boy grinned a menacing grin, even through the bruises proudly displayed on his face. He had broad shoulders as he stood from his desk. Remus could almost feel them pushing him against the wall again. “Mulciber. Avery Mulciber.”

He didn’t know how long he stayed staring at him; imagining his claws tearing at his throat. Imagining the force as he pushed him against the wall and punched him with real force. The force that he used on himself all those nights; confined in the walls of his cellar and chained to the metal bars.

He knew they were there to protect him but he couldn’t help but wish they would disappear so he could cut this boy’s head off. His heart pounded against his chest as he watched the blood spill from his head and the parts falling from his broken face.

“Are you alright, Lupin? You look like you’re about to throw hands.” 

“I wish.”  He didn’t look up from his cutting board as he sliced what looked like small octopus legs into thin, angry slices. “But it isn’t the street, you can’t properly beat someone up without consequences. Especially someone like Mulciber. I’m not that stupid.”

“So, Loony Lupin, huh?” Sirius popped the legs into the cauldron, laughing to himself. “You did beat Mulciber pretty badly a few days ago. What was the deal with that anyway? Not that it wasn’t super cool, I’m just curious. Was it because of a prank?”

“Don’t call me that.” He scoffed. “And no, it wasn’t because of a stupid prank.”

Sirius squinted at him. “James says that pranks are brilliant, not stupid. And he says we’re about to plan the most brilliant prank in all of Hogwarts History.”

“Well, he also says he’s going to bag Lily Evans,” he said bitterly, partly thinking about how Lily is sitting with that greasy Slytherin scum from across the room instead of with him.

“Do you have a crush on Lily Evans?” 

That drew a laugh out of him. “No. We’re friends. Besides, we’re way too young to think about stuff like girls.”

Sirius looked like he thought about it for a moment—which was surprising because Sirius didn’t seem like the type of guy that ever thought about anything. 

He looked hesitant as he looked at Remus, as if he wanted to say something but wasn’t quite sure how to phrase it. “I was wondering. You know, a few days ago, when you got into that fight with Mulciber, were you okay? I mean- you really helped me out there, on the train and I wanted to see if you were doing alright.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

Sirius looked troubled. “I know, but-”

“You and your friends don’t like me. You make fun of me and you call me names. Heck, you just called me a Loon. You don’t care about me, Sirius. And I don’t care about you. So just be quiet,” he said. “Your breathing is hurting my head enough, I don’t need your voice too.”

Remus began stirring the cauldron, which released the potent smell of lavender wafting through the room. “Do you smell that? I think we need to add some more of those weird octopus leg stuff.”

Sirius glanced at the potion. “Really? I don’t think so.”

He took the octopus legs in his hand. “I’m pretty sure we do.”

He shook his head. “Let’s just add the leaves right now. I’m sure of it. Plus, I’m a pure-blood too so I know more about this stuff.”

Anger sparked in his chest at the words. “You don’t know any more than me because you’re a pure-blood. And if you think that then you're conceited and entitled and you don’t know anything.”

Sirius’s heartbeat sped up as Remus bent over to put the octopus legs inside anyway. “Look, you got me. I added lavender powder into the mix so that when we put the leaves they’ll be an explosion. James and I thought it would be funny.”

And that was when it hit him.

“Your apology wasn’t even real,” he realised. Of course. His eyes widened. He didn’t even know why he was surprised—they were wizards after all. And out of all wizards, it was Sirius Black. The loudest boy in class. Of course. “You just used the apology as a distraction when you were adding that lavender powder.”

Sirius looked away. “I thought I would kill two birds with one stone, I guess.”

“You should’ve done it to Mulciber.”

Sirius blinked. “What?”

“Do it to someone who deserves it. A conceited pure-blood. Just like you and James,” he told him. “Actually, I’m sure James is over there pranking Severus in the name of Lily's honour. She isn’t going to like that.” 

Remus could smell the lavender from across the room.

Sirius’s eyes widened. “How- Are you going to tell him?”

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t care for Severus. But be careful messing with him. Lily tells me he’s very clever.”

He gave him an incredulous look. “Snape can’t be smart. Have you seen his hair? He must know how bad he looks.”

Despite the boy’s unfortunate hair, there was no indicator that Severus was stupid or conceited like the Gryffindor boys were. He was a half-blood, like him, and it seemed that Lily cared about him, whatever tie he may wear.

“The fact that you use hair as a measure of knowledge already proves you wrong. Your hair is decent and you are the stupidest person I’ve ever met,” Remus told him.

Sirius grinned. “You think my hair is pretty?”

“See?” Remus asked. “Stupid.”

“You’re just Loony Lupin, what do you know? And I’ll have you know I’m a genius for my time,” Sirius bragged. “You just haven’t recognized it yet.”

He snorted. “You’ll be a genius when James bags Lily.”

He crossed his arms. “Lily is gonna be going on dates with James any day now, and you’ll be regretting you ever said those words to me, Loony Lupin. Because I’m going to remember this. And you’re going to finally realise I’m a genius.”

“You’ll be a genius when you finally learn how to get your head out of your ass.”

He laughed at that.

The rest of that day was a blur of classes and wizards and so, so much noise. At the last period, Remus thought he was about to pass out.

After the day had finally come to an end, and his ears were still ringing, Remus was more than happy to accept Lily’s invitation to hang out in the girl’s quiet, peaceful dormitory. The dormitory had stacks of muggle books on the shelves, on their tables, and on their beds. Some of them were even in Welsh; some he even recognized from his own home. He smiled at the sight.

 Although he was sure that the girl’s had only invited him because they didn’t want him passing out in the boy’s dorm, he enjoyed being there all the same.

Even when the two girls kept sharing worried glances and Lily had begun giving him concerned looks when she thought he wasn’t looking. There weren't many ways of explaining that he could literally feel her gaze tearing into his body. It was when he’d accidentally bumped into the bookshelf when Lily finally cracked. “That’s it. You need to go to the hospital. I’ve been telling you all day! You just have to go!”

“Fine,” he relented.

Lily looked at him from across the room, surprised. “What?”

“I’ll go to the stupid hospital wing,” he said. “But I’ll go alone.”

She gave him a sceptical look but didn’t argue. Kira would. 

Grabbing a book, he left for the hospital wing. The sky was painted in different hues of orange and pink as he made his way. Suddenly Remus felt very alone. There was a strange silence in the empty hallways; he could no longer hear the bustling halls and the laughing children. The normally sunny corridors were strewn with shadow; as if they darkened in solidarity.

Despite the pounding in his head, he found that he missed the sun and the noise and the terrible headaches that hit him in the hallways. It was definitely better than the monsters that haunted him in the silent, shadowed corridors.

There was no Lily or Kira or annoying boys in his dorm. They were all up in their comfortable four-posters, talking about quidditch or whatever the wizards with posh accents liked. Perhaps they were talking about him.

“Mr. Lupin,” a shadow called from the other side of the corridor. In all honesty, Remus thought she looked like someone from a horror movie.

As he made his way to the woman; he could see her tight black bun and even tighter jaw. The tense woman wore green robes and he immediately recognized her as the stern woman from class and the sorting ceremony.

“Ms. Mcgonagall,” he greeted her.

Not even bothering to correct him on the name, she gave him a small nod. Remus didn’t need to be a werewolf to sense her tense figure; her arms were clenched at her sides and her eyes were set with pity. “I hope you’re well rested, Mr. Lupin. I don’t think I need to tell you tonight will be a hard night.”

He took a deep, not-so-calming breath as he nodded. Remus knew full moons like the back of his hand. He knew them in the winter and he knew them in the summer; on a full stomach and an empty one. He knew them like he knew the scars on his legs and the scratches on his arms.

But there was always a looming sense of dread he’d never been able to shake; a claw scratching at his lungs and curling around his throat like thorns around a rose-filled vase.

“This is Madam Pomfrey, our lovely matron here at Hogwarts,” she said. She gestured to a woman of kind features and ginger curls. Although she looked as tense as Mcgonagall; her features were concerned rather than pitying. Remus didn’t know which was worse. 

She gave him a sad smile. “I’m Madam Poppy Pomfrey. I’ll be taking care of you tomorrow.”

“Oh,” he said dumbly. If Remus wasn’t so weak, maybe he would’ve argued with the woman who was trying to heal him with her suspicious potions and suspicious smile. But instead, he settled on; “I thought I was going to be healing myself.”

If it was possible, Mcgonagall looked at him with more pity than she had before. “No, Mr. Lupin. Here, at school, you will be provided with our most skilled healer.”

Madam Pomfrey blushed. “The only one we have.”

Mcgonagall didn’t return the woman’s smile. Instead, she turned to Remus. “I’ll lead you to the tree.”

“I can’t be outside,” he protested, a horrible image of him attacking the students outside of the castle popping into his mind. “I’ll hurt the other kids. I need a cage. Or maybe somewhere with strong restrainer-things.”

The ginger-haired healer glanced worriedly at Mcgonagall and Remus wondered if they were trying to read each other's mind with their wizard magic or something. Finally, Madam Pomfrey turned back to Remus. “Where do they keep you at home?”

He rolled his eyes. “A cellar with restrainers. But I don't think you have anything good enough in this fancy school. I can go inside a cage, even though I’m pretty tall now.”

Mcgonagall shook her head. “Luckily, we have somewhere prepared for you.”

Sincerely hoping it wasn’t another cage, he followed the two women down to the cold field. He scanned the field for a cage or a cellar but he couldn’t see anything within the field that resembled any of the two. Perhaps they were trying to punish him for the fist fight by placing him in the cage outside, to shiver under the cruel London current.

That was until they reached the big, dark tree. The branches flew dangerously in the wind, as if they were trying to swat a fly. Perhaps this was his punishment. He shuddered at the thought.

“That is where you will transform,” the stern woman told him. “You’ll stay there for the night.” 

“That tree looks a bit dangerous, don’t you think?” he heard Madam Pomfrey whisper to the woman. “I’m not sure about this plan.”

“Albus knows what he’s doing. It’s perfectly safe,” she assured her. But the sceptical look in Mcgonagall's eyes told him that she wasn’t quite sure about the plan either.

But as the day was shifting to dusk and the sky was tinted purple, he knew he needed to head into the crazy-looking tree, safe or not. 

He cleared his throat. “How do I get in?”

“You’ll press the knot on the bottom left of the tree, which will open a passage to a tunnel. You’ll crawl through it and reach the shack.” Mcgonagall looked regretful as she said the words, leading him closer and closer to the tree that looked like it could wipe him out in a matter of a few seconds.

But before he could place his hand on the rough knot of the furiously swinging tree, Mcgonagall decided that she wanted to say her last words before she saw him all bloodied. “Madam Pomfrey will take good care of you after the,” she paused, looking tense as ever as she attempted to phrase her next words. “Monthly occurrence.”

“You shouldn’t sugarcoat it. It’s a monster. It’s horrible. It’s gruesome,” Remus told her, his expression stoic as ever. “Try not to get too scared by the screams.”

And with that, he opened the tunnel and crawled through to the shack. Surprisingly, the shack looked more like his home than he’d liked to admit; it had the same creaking wooden floors and the same small size and a small mattress he was sure wouldn’t survive till the morning. He just hoped he would be there to see it ripped to shreds.

That was his last thought as the pain hit. His bones stretched and burned and seared. It was as if millions of white-hot claws stretched at his legs and pulled and pulled until all of his bones broke and all that was left was fire. And then everything was black. 

He didn’t remember much after that.