Maybe Magic Isn't As Bad As It Seems
September 2nd, 1971
As much as Remus Lupin loved to eat, he found himself completely full in the morning after their arrival. So he decided to skip the of The Great Hall, as majestic as it was, to wander the limestone walls of the castle while it was empty.
He discovered that all of the steps were different. Some disappeared after you stepped on them, and others turned into quicksand. Remus liked that; it was as if every step had its own little personality.
He wandered the halls and the empty classes, writing his findings down on a small notebook. He did this a lot back home. When he needed to know the path that had the least rocks or trees so he wouldn’t bump into anything after the moons, or just when he needed a quiet place to just escape.
He found that every portrait had their own personality too. Sometimes he spoke to them. He liked to hear about their life's story; about the adventures they had, and the people they’ve met. Sometimes they unveiled doors to him, too. Secret passages in which he could continue his own adventures.
Ghosts flew past him and sometimes he spoke to them too. The Bloody Baron was one to fear, Nick was one to love, and Helena was mysterious. Stumbling across the old girl’s bathroom, he even met Moaning Myrtle. Apparently everyone hated her. Remus could see why. She seemed to like him, though.
The children gave him strange looks, and some even glared at him. It seemed that the children with the green ties seemed to despise him most, though he wasn’t sure why. He supposed that wizards were biassed to anything these days. No wonder they always repeated their mistakes. After all, they wouldn’t even speak to their own ancestors.
Despite them, he continued to roam the castle. It was as if he was part of a fantasy novel, a discoverer searching for the hidden rooms of this new territory. Stumbling upon secret hideouts and unfound treasures.
There were so many floors and each of them told their own story. Each of them held their own history; folded into this ancient castle like pages of a book. Remus loved books. And it was as if his love almost tripled once he found the library.
Dark shelves stacked with books. Some were taller and some were shorter, and some even spoke. There were books about dark magic, light magic, potions and charms. Books of millions of different colours and authors to their name.
They were the most books that Remus Lupin had ever seen in his eleven years of life. Which probably didn’t mean much, considering he’d never seen much more than the small stack of books in the corner of the living room or the small stacks of books occasionally placed on the table by a busy customer.
After choosing a few books, he found his place by a small nook near the window. The sun poured upon the dark library, painting the pages of his newfound book in sunlight.
He spent that whole day buried in the magic of wizard libraries. He devoured books of many different shapes and colours. Wizards didn’t write much fantasy, which was really a shame.
But he enjoyed them anyway.
“You weren’t at breakfast. Or lunch,” someone called. It took a moment for Remus to realise that the person was talking to him.
“I wasn’t.”
Peter raised an eyebrow at the stack of books at his side. “How long have you been here?”
He looked out the window, surprised to see that the sun was already setting and dusk was heading in. “Since the morning, I guess.”
He sat down next to him, picking up a book. His eyes widened at the stack by his side. “You’ve read all these?”
He shrugged. “Well, I don’t get much reading done at home, so I thought I’d make up for lost time I guess.”
He nodded. “Are you going to head to dinner? James and Sirius have been wondering where you are.”
Remus rolled his eyes. “I would rather die than hang out with them.”
“Suit yourself.” Peter shrugged. “I guess I’ll see you up in the common room.”
And for the rest of that evening, Remus was buried within the library. It was only when dusk fell upon the ancient castle that he finally decided to make his way to the common room. When Remus made his way into the common room, Sirius, James, and Peter sat on their beds, staring at him, as if they were waiting for him to arrive.
“Where were you?”
“That’s none of your business,” he huffed.
Sirius laughed. “Someone’s in a mood.” Remus could practically smell the bruises off his skin. At least they were healing now. That yellow mushy wizard stuff that Loon wizard sent him might not be so bad after all. If that stuff was as good on him as it was on Sirius, he might not even need a stuffy healer to tell him what to do and touch his scars.
Sirius grinned at James. “Maybe he was with Evans.”
James glared at him. “Him? There’s no way. I was supposed to talk to her first!”
“Are you talking about Lily Evans?” he asked, a grin spreading onto his face. He even laughed. “Lily’s going to hate you.”
James crossed his arms over his chest. “You just wait. Lily’s going to be all over me soon. In fact, after she meets me she won’t even remember your name or your weird accent, Lupin. ”
He snorted. “I’m looking forward to it.”
He sat down on his four-poster bed; savouring the comfort of their soft sheets. The blinds were closed and he was finally, finally, all alone. Remus liked shutting himself out from the world. Even if he could still hear his dorm-mates loudly chattering from the bed beside him, or hurried steps running around the corridor.
When he was alone, it was easy to pretend that he wasn’t lying on the most comfortable bed he’d ever touched or that his stomach wasn’t rumbling for the first time in months. It was easy to pretend that he would see Kira in the morning and that his mother hadn’t wanted him gone and that he wasn’t trapped in a school filled with wizards and limestone walls and stupid comfortable beds that somehow felt worse than the soft duvet of the Lion common room.
“I’m going to shower,” Sirius announced, jarring him back to reality. He headed off to the shower and Remus wondered how much running water there was at the strange wizard school. He hoped that Sirius wouldn’t use all of it.
After Sirius left the shower, Remus decided to head in and take the last drops of water the wizarding bathroom probably had left because Sirius was in there for a long time.
But as Remus turned on the fancy looking tap, he was delighted to find that the water hadn’t run out—–somehow—and that there was warm water.
Remus let the warm water run down his scarred back. He enjoyed the way it ran down his back and wet his hair and was so, so much better than cold water that was probably from the ice-cold lake anyway.
Remus left the shower in a considerably better mood than when he entered it and he went straight to bed without even stopping to read the books he got from the library
☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆
September 3rd, 1971
“Guess what I learned?” Remus asked. He grinned at Lily, who looked back at him with a puzzled look.
“Is it something from all the books you were reading yesterday?” she asked. “You gotta lend me some of those, by the way.”
He shook his head. “There’s unlimited running water here! No water bills or anything! These wizard people have it so well here, I swear, they live like royalty.”
She nodded. “They really do. Sev told me that they also have endless electricity and their banks are literally run by freaking goblins.”
Remus almost snorted out his orange juice. He imagined one of those stone gargoyles at those rich people's houses in those fancy business man suits inviting weird wizards to take their money. “That’s crazy!”
She placed a sunny side up egg onto her plate. “I know, right? They have house elves, too.”
He loaded a few scraps of bacon onto his plate. “Do you mean to tell me that wizards are so lazy that they order literal elves to do their work for them?”
She poured some pumpkin juice into her cup. “Yep. Wizards are so weird. I wonder what they do on Christmas.”
He tossed the bacon into his mouth. “Maybe Santa is also a wizard. Because he uses elves as his slaves so he can hand out presents to people.”
She thought about it for a moment. “That’s actually kind of sad.”
He shrugged. “People already do that to other people. So how’s it any different than elves? Just a new species people can take advantage of.”
“Yeah, I guess.” She looked down at a piece of parchment on her desk. “What do you have today?”
He shrugged. “All of the first year Gryffindors have the same thing so I figured I’d leave my schedule in the common room and look at yours.”
She sighed, stuffing her paper in her pocket. “I can’t believe you.”
He grinned, glancing at her curriculum. For the first two hours, the two had Charms and Transfiguration, and in the other they had potions. Apparently they were supposed to use their sticks—or prestigious wands made of magical animals and some weird magic dust that have apparently been around for eons—to turn a cup into a frog.
She snatched back the parchment. “Ugh, can’t you just look at some other person’s schedule?”
“Well, unfortunately, I don’t have any friend’s other than you,” he said with a small grin. “Besides, you know you can’t resist me.”
She laughed. “Come on, you prick.”
And together, they walked through the crowded halls of the wizard school, waiting for their very first magic class. Even though they were so insignificant; just two small first years walking the corridors for the first time, it felt as though it was them against the world. Against all of the children with green ties that sent glares their way or the snobby wizards scrunching their nose at the people that just happened to be born with less wizard in their blood. And for that, Remus was thankful. Because if he had just one more ounce of that man’s blood, then good riddance.
“Have you got your Charms book?” Lily asked. She seemed nervous as she sat down at their table. Her eyes darted around the room as if she were looking for the nearest possible escape. He could hear her heart pounding in her chest.
“You’ll be great, Lily,” he just said. “These wizards aren’t any better than we are. They just act entitled because they think they are.”
She seemed to calm down at the words. Words were always his talent—except maybe near the full moon. He’d always known how to talk his mother down from her recurring episodes and perhaps it was no different with friends.
“Thanks, Remus.”
He smiled through the churn of his stomach as the teacher walked in. Despite his reassurances to Lily, and the many books that he’d read the day before, Remus had never actually been to a proper school since he’d first learned how to read. Aside from the books that remained after the bite, and the little books they still hadn’t sold, he knew nothing. And it terrified him.
But one thing he knew about wizards was that they were all talk. They didn’t act on their words or promises and they often overestimated their own capabilities. And he was counting on that to keep him with average grades.
“My name is Minerva Mcgonagall, and anyone who will speak in my class will be directly escorted outside.”
Remus immediately recognized the stern woman with the green robes as the woman who led them to the castle. She was of a slim figure and a stern gaze as she scanned everyone in the room; as if she could see through their skulls and gaze into their souls.
Lily swallowed.
“In this class you will learn how to change goblets and quills into ravens. You will understand the physics behind chocolate frogs and how you can make your own.”
Big gasps echoed from the crowd. Excited chatter broke amongst students; and whispers of the legendary Minerva Mcgonagall bounced off the limestone walls. Even Lily broke into a small smile.
“When will we be able to make chocolate frogs? Can we turn people into chocolate frogs?” a voice called from the back of the class. It was so loud and obnoxious, and so, unmistakably James Potter.
“I’m certainly hoping you aren’t planning to turn any of your classmates into chocolate frogs, Mr. Potter,” she said. “And even if you were—which would be severely frowned upon—we cannot get into the spells before learning the theory.”
A collective groan coursed through the class. But James didn’t seem to mind. He continued chatting and laughing with his friends; the noise clawing at Remus’s ears like nails on a chalkboard.
Nevertheless, he was determined to stay focused on Mcgonagall and the theories behind Transfiguring a goblet. She was nothing like the crazy headmaster guy. She was captivating and serious; and though she seemed more stern than the headmaster, he found that he liked her much more.
He raised his hand. “Ms. Mcgonagall?”
She nodded at him. “It’s Professor, Mr. Lupin.”
“Do you have a PhD?” he asked. He didn’t know many professors who wasted their time teaching at a primary school. Especially one filled with snooty wizards.
Mcgonagall hesitated—thinking about this for a moment before finally replying. “No.”
“Then why do people call you professor?”
“Yeah!” another voice piped up from the side. “Why do people call you professor?”
A few kids in the class laughed, and Remus weighed the benefits of telling them to shove off. But Mcgonagall was still in the classroom so he thought better of it. He’s never wasted his breath on wizards and he still wouldn’t now.
“Well, Mr. Lupin, Ms. Macdonald, we don’t use the term professor in quite the same way that they do in the muggle world. We don’t have doctorates; we feel that teaching at Hogwarts is enough for the title. We’re still in an academic setting, after all.”
Just when he didn’t think wizards could get any more pretentious.
“I understand, professor,” he said.
He didn’t bother to argue with the teacher. Not on the first day, and definitely not two days before the moon. He didn’t need any more shackles than absolutely necessary in the cellar they were keeping him in.
Instead, he opened up his textbook and began reading the theories material. Some of the pages were torn out of their place or scribbled on the margins. But Remus didn’t mind. He quite liked reading the conversations written on the browning pages. He liked to imagine the kids being there in real life; talking about spells and theories and wizard broomsticks or whatever.
“Why did you do that?” Lily whispered to him suddenly.
“Do what?”
She scoffed at him as if it was obvious. “You talked back to Professor Mcgonagall!”
“I told you, they aren’t as superior as they think they are,” he said. “Just because they’re pure-bloods or whatever doesn’t mean they aren’t human. It isn’t like they’re royalty or something.”
“She’s still a teacher!”
“So? You’ve never asked your teachers questions?” he asked. Honestly, he didn’t remember the last time he’d ever spoken to a teacher. But he wouldn’t tell Lily that.
“Of course I did. But I asked them academic questions not—not freaking why I should call them professor!” she exclaimed.
“But you gotta admit you were thinking it too.”
“Fine. Maybe I was thinking about it. But I was never going to actually say anything!” she said.
He laughed. “Can you help me with the theories behind this spell? I don’t get this stupid theory.”
“Of course,” she said easily, looking over his shoulder. Her bright red hair draped around her broad shoulders as she looked down at the book. “What page is that?”
“Fifty three,” he said. “Bloody theory is driving me mad. Muggle stuff is a lot easier.”
She flipped through her own book, of fresh white papers and a pristine cover. If she noticed the browning parchment and tearing cover of his Transfiguration book, she didn’t say anything about it.
“Here,” she said. “So here, this passage briefly references the cheering charm, and–”
“How am I supposed to know what a cheering charm is if we didn’t learn about it yet?” he asked.
“Didn’t you do any of the required reading?” she asked.
He huffed out a laugh. With all his free hours away from the coffee shop being spent sleeping or speaking to his mam, he couldn’t imagine sitting for all the required hours to pour over a stupid Charms textbook.
Lily frowned. “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing,” he said. “I just don’t read much I guess.”
“Well, no matter,” she said. “We could go over it today in the dorms if you’d like.”
“Look at Loony over there, talking to Evans,” Sirius called aloud. Remus’s cheeks heated. “Oi Lupin! Are you a softie? Or are you just such a halfblood that you need girls to help you out?”
A surge of anger flooded his chest. Suddenly, Remus felt a completely overpowering anger towards the raven-haired boy. The full moon was going to high in the sky in a couple of days, which definitely didn’t help dim the red flashing at the corner of his eyes as he stood abruptly.
His table shook with the momentum.
“Mr. Lupin–” Ms. Mcgonagall warned.
But he was already making his way towards the other side of the class. Sirius stood and Remus honestly considered throwing his pencil at the Slytherins laughing at the display.
Trying his best to block them out he came face to face with the raven-haired boy. He took another step forward. Too close for comfort.
“Maybe I’m not a prat about everything I do. Maybe I’m not some posh ass that has everything handed to him on a silver platter like some of you dimwits,” he said. His voice was dangerously low, like a dagger teetering over the edge of the skin. “But don’t you dare call me a softie, Bolt or Black or whatever your goddamn name is.”
He stepped back. “You don’t know anything about me, Loony!”
Remus stepped forward. “You’re a posh kid that thinks he’s better than everyone just because he has a trust fund. You haven’t worked a day in your life, perfect posh family with slicked back hair and a tragic case of elitism. You pride yourself on being some high and mighty being, when really you’re just a prat who finds joy in hurting other people.”
“Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin!” Ms. Mcgonagall yells. “I have had enough of this! I won’t punish you because it’s only the second day of school but I am not beyond sending you to a months detention if I ever hear anything else about the two of you.”
Remus plopped down into his seat with a huff. “Pretentious bastard.”
Lily looked at him with wide eyes as he sat down. “Don’t you think you were a little bit harsh?”
He sighed. His back ached and his ears were practically popping out of their sockets and really, he didn’t have time for this. “Honestly, I don’t think I care anymore.”
“I think you were a little bit extreme,” she said. “I mean, he’s just poking fun I guess, however annoying they may be. Besides, did you see how everyone looked at you?”
He laughed a weak, exasperated laugh. “You know all these pure-bloods are trash bags anyway. They don’t know anything about anything anyway. Especially that guy in the back. What was his name? The one that was sniggering like an idiot, Matt maybe? Or Mulner. No, something else. One of those pure-blood idiots with the green tie-”
Remus couldn’t even see the face in front of him before he was launched across the room and felt the stomach-churning crack as he collided with the stone wall. Many sounds hit his ears but he couldn’t understand any of the words. His vision was very blurry and his head was spinning and everything hurt but he was still standing.
“What were you saying about pure-bloods again?” The figure with the green tie was saying something else but he couldn’t hear it over the sound of a fist smashing into the boy’s face. Maybe it was his. He saw his hand moving at the boy’s face, but it seemed distant, far away from him. The fist hit and hit and hit until he saw red and Remus felt like throwing up.
Everything was so blurry and he couldn’t even make out the face of the boy before he collapsed to the floor and Remus was too dizzy to continue moving his arms. And with that, he began walking towards the Gryffindor tower.
“Remus!” a voice cried. Lily placed a hand on his shoulder, panting. Or maybe she was sobbing. The world was too blurry to tell. “You’re going to crash into something, you can’t see anything!”
But Remus Lupin was accustomed to walking with a blurry sight and he’d be damned if a bit of blurriness was going to stop him from reaching the common room. “I’ll be fine, Lily.” It’s not the first time I’ve been injured. “Besides, I’m high on adrenaline. I have to get to the common room before I collapse. I don’t have time for this.”
“No,” she proclaimed. “We’re going to the hospital.”
He ignored her. His adrenaline was running out as he reached the stairs and sharp daggers were piercing deeper through his skin by the moment. “I’m going to the common room, this is non-negotiable. I have some Murtlap in my room. So are you going to help me up the stairs or not? I can’t tell which ones are the trick steps.”
Without a word, she offered him her shoulder. From that moment, as he placed his weight on her shoulders, he knew that he’d found himself a real friend. From that moment, he knew that he would be forever grateful for Lily Evans.
By the time they walked through the portrait hole, Remus was sure he was going to collapse. But apparently his endurance lasted long enough to storm into his dorm-room and hear the inevitable gasps of his dorm-mates.
“What happened?” James demanded.
“Are you alright?” Peter asked.
Remus answered them with a hiss. The pain was getting worse with every moment. Fire running down his back. Daggers piercing into bruised skin. Everything was blurry and the world was spinning. But somehow, he found himself sitting on the soft duvet of his bed and closing the four-poster curtains with his bruised fingers. He fumbled for the glass jar at his bedside table.
“Does the other guy look worse?” Sirius asked.
Lily said something to the boy but Remus couldn’t make out her words.
He winced at the sharp jolt of pain hitting his back as he half-hazardly smeared the liquid over his skin. As fast as it had arrived, the pain disappeared. Daggers were no longer piercing at his skin. Flames no longer ran down his back. Blood may be running down his robes, but at least he wasn’t hurting anymore. Not that bad, anyway. His vision was coming back to him and he could now see the dark purple bruises lining his knuckles. Maybe he was the one who punched the boy with the green robes after all.
“Remus?” Lily asked from outside. Her voice broke and Remus didn’t need to see her to know she was on the verge of tears.
“I’m fine, Lily.” His voice came out sterner than he intended it to, but he supposed it just helped prove his point.
When he opened the curtains, he found Lily in a worse state than he thought. Her eyes were red and her cheeks were streaked with fresh tears and she seemed more upset than she was on the first day. “I’m so sorry, Remus. Sev tried to stop them. He really did. He’s tried to leave that but they’re all he has. He doesn’t have much and his parents aren’t doing well, and his father-”
He took a deep breath; he cleared the red in his eyes. He pushed down the anger rising in his chest.
You of all people know what it’s like to have a bad father. To be angry, he told himself.
“It’s alright, Lily,” he forced out. He offered her a small smile. “I’m healed now.”
“But-”
He showed her his knuckles, freshly smeared with the gooey yellow gel. “See? Healed. Everything is alright now.”
“What?” Her eyes widened in disbelief. “How did you do that?”
And though his back hurt more than ever and he was sure one of his ribs were bruised and he was so, so tired, he forced a smile. “Maybe magic isn’t as bad as it seems.”