saviour complex

Later that night the girls were up in the dorm getting ready. Mary had indeed pulled through with the costumes.

She produced a pair of black leather flares with lacing through slits at the bottom and a long sleeve black top that revealed leathery wings of fabric when the arms were raised for Marlene's bat costume.

For her own costume Mary had fashioned a soft pink tank top with a black fur trim on the deep sweetheart neckline and a matching fur cardigan. Aswell as a fluffy black mini skirt, a tail, and a set of ears.

Lily's costume was laid our on her bed. A black velvet top with flared sleeves and a green embroidered corset decorated with beaded black flowers. The top was cut in quite a deep v. The skirt was a scandaloudly short black velvet mini. Lily looked at it fearfully but didn't want to seem ungrateful.

"It's beautiful Mary." She gushed a little unconvincingly.

"I know it's a little shorter than you'd usually wear Lily but I ran out of the velvet fabric." Mary said apologetically.

As if she'd just remembered she added. "I made tights aswell."

She ran to her fabric box and pulled out a pair of black tights that would provide Lily with a little more modesty. Mary really was too sweet sometimes.

Lily smiled at her gratefully as she threw them over. Soon the girls were all dress and adding the finishing touches to there makeup. Lily had stoed away in the bathroom to undress, worried about a repeat of what happened before Hogsmead. She didn't see many changes in her body but she was terrified of anyone pointing something out.

"We Look HOT." Marlene announced loudly after adding her second wing of liner.

Mary had truly done a wonderful job. Lily even felt a little twinge of pride when she saw how much her collarbone protruded at the neckline of her top.

Lily was waiting for Mary to finish her own makeup as she'd once again insisted on doing Lily's.

"Are you exited to go to your boyfriends party." Mary smiled looking at Lily.

Marlene laughed lightly before chiming in. "It's great that we can say that without her denying it now."

Lily laughed at Marlene because she was right for so long a comment like that would have resulted in acute denial followed by Lily ranting about how there I'd no way she'd ever date James Potter.

Mary started on Lily's makeup and was done in a matter of minutes. The three girls stood and got ready to leave the dorm.

"Wait Lil hang on a minute." Mary stopped her as they were just about to exit the room. "I don't think you're tops tied up properly it looks a little too loose."

Lily's face went red.

"No its fine Mary seriously" Lily assured but Mary had already started inspecting her work.

"Thats so weird I must have taken your measurements down wrong."

"Don't worry about it Mary it fits perfectly."

Mary hummed suspiciously but let them leave once she'd put a safety pin into the excess fabric.

When they arrived the boys were seemingly already a few drinks in and a small crowd had started to gather in the common room.

James beamed the minute he saw them come down the stairs.

"Lily's here!" He exclaimed Rushing over to Lily and picking her up in an embrace and giving her a spin.

"Hey James put me down." Lily laughed.

Immediately listening he place Lily back down his cheecks flushed and dimpled in a smile.

As he took the sight of her in his eyes widened.

"My Godric you are stunning." He panted.

Lily's cheeks flooded red it still felt unusual having someone other than her friends compliment her.

James was wearing a shirt and a pair of black pants held up by leather belt along with a smart pair of dress shoes.

"You clean up pretty nicely yourself." Lily smiled planting a kiss on his cheek.

She'd nearly forgotten about Mary and Marlene all together.

"Helloo earth to lovebirds." Mary said mockingly.

Forcing the pair to acknowledge that they weren't the only people in the room. They turned to face the girls. Lilt felt apologetic.

"Sorry." She said shyly.

James seemed entirely unphased by it still seemingly thinking about the kiss as held hid cheek where Lily's lips had been.

Mary and Marlene shook their heads smiling.

"How exactly does dressing up like your dad count as a Halloween costume Potter." Marlene said grinning slyly.

"Ah but you see," James started to unbutton his shirt.

The three girls looked at him jaws open in shock fully expecting him to try and strip in the middle of the common room.

Only for him to reveal a blue undershirt with a wonky makeshift superman S on it.

"I'm superman!"

They burst out into laughter at the absurdity of the situation.

"Hey I know the sewing not great but I had to do it myself and the needle kept stabbing me." He explained seeming a little embarrassed.

He took a breath to steady himself amongst the girls giggles.

"Can I get you guys a drink?"

The laughter subsided and Marlene replied. "Yeah go ahead we need to catch up with you lot but the look of things. How many drinks are you in now Potter?"

James counted on his fingers before laughing lightly.

"About 4."

Lily looked at him shocked and he gave her a guilty look in return before pointing to Sirius and Remus at the drink table.

"They pressured me!"

Lily shook her head smiling "And how exactly did they pressure you?"

James ran a hand through his hair smiling. "They asked if I wanted another glass."

Lily sighed smiling herself now.

"Sounds like you really had no other choice." Mary smiled sarcastically.

Mary and Marlene laughed and started to make their way to the drinks table to greet the remaining marauders.

Lily looked at James with his hair ruffled haphazardly, a messily sewn 's' t-shirt and a goofy 4-drinks-in grin plastered on his face.

"You're an idiot." She smiled.

"But you like it." He grinned back knowing he was right.

He held her by waist pulling her in to him so that there was barely an inch between them.

"Boooooo get a room!" Sirius hollered over dissipating the romance immediately.

"Infront of the children?" Mary called her arm slung around Marlene protectively.

James laughed nervously and Lily rolled her eyes at their friends. She turned back to a red faced and blushing James. "Pour me a drink Potter?"

"My pleasure Lily."

They joined the group at the table and Lily noted Remus's costume.

He was dressed as the phantom of the opera from the book they shared a month or two ago. His mask was cut so that it covered his worst scars. Lily knew this was intentional.

Sirius was dress in white linen pants and a silky button down shirt with the first 3 buttons undone. He had several feathers in his hair and sewn onto his shirt, on his back he dawned a pathetically made set of white feather wings.

"Phantom of the opera and..,' Lily paused pointing at Sirius "A chicken?"

James exploded into laughter. "I told you that's what it looked like mate!"

Sirius stared indignantly clearly snubbed by the guess. "And does dressing up as witch even count as a costume? That's like Mcgonagal dressing up as a cat." He huffed.

Lily smiled cheekily back. "Don't get your feathers in a twist Black, it's just easier to see you as a chicken than an angel."

Sirius crossed his arms but Lily could see the smile in his eyes.

" Prongs, Moony tell Evans what an angel I am!."

Marlene scoffed before Remus or James could get anything out. "Yeah you were such an angel when you delayed practice because your lazy posh tush slept in." She said.

Mary chimed in. "Yeah you were such an angel when you asked me to change my birthday to Valentines day when we dated so you'd only have ro remember one day, and forgot both."

"We dated for a few weeks two years ago doesn't count!"

"You were such an angel this morning when you left your dirty underwear on my bed." James laughed

"You liked it you perv." Sirius grinned.

"You were so angelic when you wanted to have a paper plane making contest with James and used my herbolgy homework to make them." Remus added dryly.

"Yeah and you are such an angel when you You flip the chess board everytime we play." Peter

said, Lily had hardly noticed him join the conversation. He was wearing a vampire costume and had little pieces of card for fangs.

Sirius shrugged not seeming to mind the game to much. "So I'm a fallen angel." He laughed glancing over at Remus.

Remus caught his eye and Lily felt like maybe she was interrupting something between them.

"Here you go beautiful." James smiled passing Lily a mug filled with firewhiskey.

She raised an eyebrow at the amount.

"Sorry, did I pour too much you don't need to drink it all ." He smiled gently ruffling his hair.

Lily longed for an escape from everything that was going on in her head these past few months. Her grades , the attacks on muggle borns, her weight.

"No, no that's perfect." Lily smiled raising the mug to her lips and downing a generous gulp.

"Look at you go Lils." Marllene cheered before taking a mouthful of her own.

The whiskey burned its way down her throat settling in her empty stomach like a bath of molten lava. Lily grimaced at the taste before taking another gulp.

"Careful to pace yourself love its strong stuff." James said a little worried placing an arm around her. . ....................................................................

The combination of fire whiskey and an empty stomach proved to be a challenge. Lily's head felt light enough to float away and some sad desperate version of herself wished to join it.

Marlene had run off to join Dorcas Meadows in conversation. Lily was suprised to see Dorcas here, it was a rare sighting to see a Slytherin at a Gryfindor party. Lily wasn't sure she'd ever even spoken to Meadows before, it was strange to see how excited Marlene was to greet the girl.

Mary was dancing as she usually did at parties and Lily didn't feel particularly inclined to draw such attention to herself so she watched the crowd of bustling Gryfindors from a couch in the corner of the room.

Even James had been stolen away by Sirius for "top secret marauders business" Lily was too tired to ask Sirius what he meant by that. She saw the two of them whispering in the corner of the room no doubt planning some prank that would land them in detention for a week or more.

It felt rather lonely to watch a crowd of people at a party without joining in. Lily was filled with the kind of loneliness that settles in the pit of your chest. Burrowing through and reminding you of your otherness.

From her solitary spot Lily saw a tall figure standing against the wall rifling through their jacket pocket. Remus produced a small carton of ciggerettes and started to move towards the door. She followed him through the crouds of students into the hall of the boys dormitories.

"Do you mind if I join you?"

Remus shrugged in response. "Sure go ahead."

They moved further from the noise of the party. The song "Killer Queen" and the sounds of drunk teens faded as Lily followed Remus to the door of his dorm room. Of course this wasn't just his Dorm room though but also the room of the marauders. Including James. It was strange to see it for the first time.

Lily had no problem distinguishing which bed belonged to her boyfriend. The bed was made but not as neatly as 2 of the others. By it hung moving posters of Quidditch stars and the band Queen. As she walked past she also recognised her own handwriting. By his bed James had hung her response to him asking her to Hogsmead. Lily blushed trying nit to invade his privacy too much.

Remus was looking at her now ,smirking. "Romantic old sap , our James."

"Romantic is right." Lily smiled giggling.

Away from the party the effects of the whiskey were clearer. Her hazy disposition and urge to giggle stood out of place away from the commotion of the common room.

Remus shook his head smiling heading over and opened the window. Lily followed as he sat on the window seat his long legs bent to his chest. He nodded to the space across from him and Lily sat.

Remus produced a ciggerette and lit it up.

"Not enjoying the party?" He asked after a puff of his fag.

Lily shrugged. Not really knowing how to respond. It wasn't that she disliked the party but rather that she desired a break from feeling like an observer of it.

"I could ask you the same I suppose." She smilled wryly.

"Touché Evans." Remus smiled.

He then gestured to the ciggerette between his fingers

"Though I suppose I had an excuse to excuse myself."

"Right you are." Lily smiled drunkly Extending her hand to ask for one.

Remus raised a brow but obliged. Passing the lighter and the ciggerette. Lily promptly lit the ciggerette between her shaking fingers and took a pull.

"Since when are you making a habit of this?" Remus asked looking at Lily with a hint of concern in his eyes.

"Maybe there's more to me then people think." Lily said a little coldly.

Remus looked at her for a moment his expression unreadable. "I guess you're right."

He said finally. They sat in silence for a minute.

"You've changed." Lily said finally.

She was aware of the sulk in her tone but too Intoxicated to control it.

"So have you." Remus said pointedly.

Lily hated how he did that. They way he acted as though each person was a book whose pages he could analyse.

"That's not fair. You hide too." Remus's jaw flexed slightly.

Lily softened "Not like that I just mean. I don't know why are you not with Sirius talking up girls in the common room or dancing around."

"Was that ever really me? When have I danced around at a party."

She paused. He had a point. But Lily felt there was something more to him sticking to the walls instead of talking to people. The alcohol gave Lily courage to say things but apparently not the coherence to communicate them.

She gestured vaguely his mask. "You shouldn't hide Remus. You deserve to talk to girls. They like you loads. You need to accept that you deserve to be loved, to be ... happy."

Remus tensed Lily could sense him freeze up a little. "And you think that I need to be in a relationship to be happy?" He questioned he took a breath. "Are you happy?"

Lily looked away she knew she couldn't answer him. James was wonderful. He made her feel like for once she wasn't just a wallflower in the ivory walks of Hogwarts. Like someone saw her, truly saw her. And that even after seeing her still for some reason she didn't know loved her anyways. Janes was sweet and kind. There was no other person she would rather be around. He was her first thought when she had good news to tell. She felt warm and lovable under his gaze. God help her she loved James Potter. Truly. She was so happy with him. But she wasn't happy alone. She wasn't happy when she'd stare into her mirror and desperately wish to fix every flaw. She wasn't happy when she'd sit alone with her thoughts and regret who she was as a person. She wasn't happy when she'd hear the hissed whispers of purebloods when she'd do well , reminding her that no accomplishment would make her equal.

Remus didn't wait longer for her response. "I'm worried about you, you know?"

Remus said looking out the window exhaling another cloud of smoke.

Lily turned her head back confused. Lily met his eyes before he spoke again. They were filled with a sadness. It ran down Lily's spine like a chill.

"James is too."

Lily laughed uncomfortably shifting her eyes down to the ciggerette in her hands.

"That's silly why would you be worried about me."

"You aren't eating Lily. You run laps outside in middle of winter that is when you aren't Skipping meals to hole up with your school books."

Lily felt like a an insect under a microscope. Scurrying frantically under exposed observation.

"James may mess around but he's far from stupid Lil. He's noticed enough to know he should be worried." Remus's words stung.

Guilt swelled at Lily like venom from the sting. How could she be so selfish worrying James this way.

"I'm fine."

"I won't force you to talk to me if you aren't ready. But I'm here if you are." Remus said with finality.

Wrapping up the conversation just like that.

Lily was grateful for its end.

"How are things with you and James anyways." Remus said clearing the weight in the air.

Lily still felt the lightness of the drink in her head.

"Honestly think I might .. love him." She covered her giddy smile with her hands shocked at what had just come out of her mouth.

Remus laughed and it sounded like the return of an old friend.

"About time you admit it to yourself. "

"Shut up." She laughed kicking him lightly with her foot.

They both laughed a for a second or two. It was amazing how they could go from somber to giddy in a few seconds.

"Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't get along with my sister but, but if I had a brother I think it would be you." She said drunkenly.

Remus offered her a smile warmer than he'd give most people.

"Yeah, if I had a sister Lil it would be you." .............................................................. .........

The two of them reentered the common room together.Lily  saw Remus's eyes shoot to Sirius in the darkest corner of the room. He wasn't talking to James any more. Instead he was smirking at Hestia Jones a pretty 5th year Hufflepuff as she laughed coyly at something he'd said.

Remus froze beside Lily momentarily.

"I need a drink." He told her not taking his eyes off the pair. He quickly left her side to make his way to the drink table.

Lily wasn't sure she could tolerate much more firewhiskey and do she sat down on the couch in the centre of the room where most of the party goeeres were crowded chatting to eachother and watching the dancing.

James was chatting away with a boy from his Quidditch team. His wide grin and infectious laughter blocked out all other sound and filled her head with helium.

He noticed Lily. His dark eyes meeting hers. It was as if he gad completely tuned out his own conversation. His undivided attention now resting solely on her.

The record sratched in the player and Lily heard a familiar tune start to play.

Take a chance on me by ABBA.

"I love this song" She mouthed softly to James.

Just then he straightened and returned to the the boy he had been talking to.

"Excuse me mate I've some dancing to do."

He announced before walking to Lily and extending a hand down to her.

"Join me for a dance Evans?" Lily shook her head in disbelief of the fact that she was about to join him

"Alright Potter."

She grinned before accepting his hand and letting him pull her onto the dance floor.

He wrapped one hand around her waist and held the other.

Lily blushed as they swayed to the music. Other people danced around them but her attention was completely enthralled by the sweet dimpled smile and dark brown eyes of the boy who held her.

He bent his head to whisper in her ear

"You look unbelievably beautiful tonight Lily, you always do."

Lily's stomach was filled with a swarm of excited butterflies.

"James." She smilled blushing.

He kept his head bent his eyes looking at her with what could only be described as adoration.

Gently he started to whisper along to the lyrics of the song.

"If you need me, let me know, gonna be around If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down"

"Take a chance on me" She finished.

He held up his hand and sun her out then twirled her back into his chest lapping an arm around her.

"We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as we're together Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better" He sang to her.

James Potter felt like a dream. Like a character that had been created for a great romance novel. Lily felt like a Jane Austen protagonist.

He continued to sing softly. Only for her ears. His voice soft and deep still tainted with the lingering sweetness of a boy.

"Oh you can take your time baby, I'm in no hurry, know I'm gonna get you

You don't wanna hurt me, baby don't worry, I ain't gonna let you Let me tell you now

My love is strong enough to last when things are rough

It's magic

You say that I waste my time but I can't get you off my mind

No, I can't let go 'Cause I love you so"

As the song started to end and the beat picked up to a chorus of 'ba ba ba's' They started to dance a little faster.

James spun Lily out again and twirled her around. Liky was nearly out of breath from all the dancing and James pulled her back in to sway them side to side as the song finished.

"Gonna do my very best, baby can't you see Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me."

Lily went onto her tiptoes and put her arms around James's neck, pulling him down into a deep kiss.

She had completely forgotten how surrounded they are and was only remind when the other drunken Gryfindors started to cheer.

James shot them a look to stop and then took Lily by the hand once again leading her out of the croud to a quiter corner of the room.

"Don't mind them, I know you hate that kinda thing."

Lily gave him a grateful smile. Appreciating his tact.

"How about we go somewhere more private?" She asked suggestively.

James looked suprisedand brought a hand up to ruffle his hair.

"Of course Lily, I mean we can go outside the common room or into the halls or garden but I suppose the garden's cold I mean there's my dorm too but I don't know that would probably be uncomfortable for you though of course I'm not saying it like that. Like there's a reason it would be."

Lily giggled at his panicked rambling.

"James, your room sounds like a great idea." ........................................................................ James closed the door to the room. Lily immediately pulled him into a passionate kiss.

Unable to hold back any longer. He kissed back as if he had waited for this moment his entire life. Eventually they both pulled away. Flushed and giddy.

"Are you sure this is OK Lil we've both drank a bit and I don't want you to regret anything."

She knew he was right the courage of the alcohol still buzzed in her head but she also knew that this something she would never regret.

"I'm sure James," She reached her hand to his face. Weaving her finger tips into his curls of hair. Before looking at him soberly

"Are you sure this is something you won't regret."

He laughed a little not cruelly but rather in shock that it was even a question.

He brought his hand to her cheek and said honestly. "I could never regret a minute of you."

They embraced again his lips soft and hungry for her taste. They had created their own rhythm. Lily boldly moved her tounge to his mouth and was greeted gratefully.

His body was hard against hers. Lily could feel his toned stomach pressed against her softness. The protruding lines of carved muscle taught against his shirt as he heaved breathlessly. He was so warm. She could feel the heat radiating off him as he held her so close. One hand gently cupping the back of her neck. But not so tightly that she couldn't pull away. The other snaked around her waist.

Lily could feel the buzz of intoxication diluting this moment and in her drunken bravery she pulled back from James, like his touch, his face was gentle but it couldn't conceal his excitement to continue and the lust in his eyes.

It felt like such a high. To have someone crave you so desperately. He looked about ready to explode.

Lily thumbed the sharp line of his jaw. Tilting his head to the side and pulling him down so that she could whisper in his ear.

"I want to keep going." She said so confidently she could hardly believe the words were her own.

Before Lily knew it she reached for his fly with clumsy Intoxicated hands.

James leaned in towards her, smelling like sweat and lust. He breathed into her ear

"Are you sure you you want to."

He was just a drunk as she was and slipped a little on these words but his question was clear.

Lily heaved out her reply in a single exhale.

"God yes"

James smiled at her the ghost of a nervous laugh escaped him.

He was still so close. His breath tickled her neck as he whispered to her.

"If its alright, I'd like to take care of you."

Lily burnt for his touch. It was an entirely new sensation and her whole body pleaded to feel James.

"I'd like that Potter." She said blushing as she answered.

Lily's fingers fumbled at the hem of his shirt while his planted soft kisses on her neck.
James took the hint. He removed his button up carelessly tossing it aside and started to lift his shirt above his head. Lily's stomach went tight and she became acutely aware or the tingling sensation in her underwear as she looked at James shirtless body. He was surprisingly muscular. His shoulders were broadened and toned, his abs were defined even in the dim light. Lily longed to run her hands across him. To feel his soft skin and athletic physiche. James's body practically glowed as if the sun itself shone between his ribs. His tan skin was smooth everywhere but below hus bellybutton, where a slight trail of dark hair led down towards his jeans.
Lily had never seen someone so perfect.

He pulled Lily closer again. The muscles in his arms tensed as he held her tenderly. He kissed her and gave her a look as if to ask once again if she was sure.

Lily could barely manage a gasp in response.

"Yes." She breathed. Flushed with excitement.

James hummed smiling. They backed towards the bed. Tantalising close to eachother. James moved his hands down to Lily's skirt. Lily drew her hand down the carved muscle of his torso practically panting in anticipation. She wasn't thinking of her own body for once. She was too focused on the statuesque frame of James Potter. Her skirt fell to the floor. Lily kicked off her shoes letting them drop with a thud.

Despite his inebriated state James hands were nimble as they peeled her tights down. Slowly James bent. He planted gentle kisses down her legs as he undressed her stockings. Lily then, feeling more confident than she ought to pulled up her top. Slowly and cautiously revealing more of herself than she ever had to any boy.

There was only one layer left for James to strip away. He went in to take away her lacy white underwear.

His large brown eyes looked up from between her legs.

"God you're beautiful." He gasped.

Lily flushed further and an involuntary smile curled her lips.

Suddenly she felt James's warm and wet mouth. Kiss at her. His tounge gently gliding up and down. Lily moaned in pleasure it was like nothing she'd ever known. Her hands went down to James mess of curls and she held on for dear life. He kissed and licked and eventually once Lily's sighs and sounds of pleasure showed him his destination he gently sucked.

The heat of her loins burnt and Lily made noises she didn't know she was capable of. Then came the sweet release of her burning tension. Lily lay back. Head spinning.

"That was incredible." She gasped out of breath. James emerged looking pleased.

His hands braced her thighs for support as he rose. Now towering over her. He slid his hands to Lily's hips then waist and he bent in for a kiss.

"I hope that felt good." He said almost shyly.

Lily's hands clasped his neck pulling him into a kiss. "You felt a-amazing."

James grinned. Then as if he'd just noticed Lily was topless his eyes widened. A hand stroked her. In the release of her lust Lily felt self conscious again and pulled a hand to her waist.

James looked her in her eyes like he could read her thoughts.

"You're perfect Lily. " His hand moved up to cup her cheek. Hair fell into his eyes as he leaned above her. Then he tilted her head and planted a delicate kiss on her forehead before meeting her eyes once more. "No matter what Lily, that will never change."

Tears welled at her. James took a place beside her and fell back wards onto the bed.

Lily followed suit and fell back onto his chest eyes still glossy it felt abnormal to have someone show her so much unconditional kindness and care but that was James.

James pulled her in and placed one arm around her naked frame.

Not to feel up but to hold in a loving embrace.

His other hand wound around a copper coil of hair.

"Have I ever told you how much I love," He held his breath and Lily could feel his pulse fasten in his chest. "you're beautiful red hair." He finished.

The lock of hair still between his fingers.

When lily lay beside him soaking up the radiating heat of his presence.