saviour complex

James woke up like every other day that morning.
6 am sharp.
He sat up and stretched out a bit the cool October air hitting his torso as he came up from the duvet cover.
He genuinely couldn't contain his excitement for his date with Lily Evans.
He couldn't believe she had said yes!
Lily was so perfect and beautiful and kind that he had no idea how he had managed to get her to go to Hogsmead with him but he certainly wasn't complaining.
He headed into the bathroom quietly to wash his face and fluff his hair out a bit.
He shaved the slight stubble he had grown into a clean shave.
He had been growing a lot of facial hair since his growth spurt and it was honestly a little annoying to maintain.
He quietly left the bathroom and grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants he had laid out the night before.
He pulled the t-shirt overhead struggling slightly. It had gotten a little snug since last year as he'd put on quite a bit of muscle with all his training.
James was not overly full of himself when it came to appearance at least not seriously. But he was pleased to know he was getting stronger. He didn't like how lanky he'd gotten the previous year.

He finished getting dressed and left the room careful not to wake the others.

He started to make his way down to the kitchens for a quick breakfast. James loved waking up early in the castle. Especially on weekends. It was so peaceful before anyone else got up. It was like he had the school to himself.

"Morning Tokesy ."

James smiled at the little old kitchen elf.
Tokesy was usually the one who made him his early breakfast.

"Here Master Potter Tokesy made a special breakfast today for your trip! 4 eggs no yokes and 4 sausages with baked beans and fried tomatoes." Tokesy smiled proudly.

"It looks delicious thank you Tokesy you must have worked very hard," James said happily to the little elf.

"Mister Potter must not be so kind. Tokesy is only doing Tokesy's job Mister Potter." Tokesy said though she looked pleased with the compliment.
James smiled and pretended to heed her words but he knew he wouldn't dare stop being appreciative to the elves who went out of their way to make him an early breakfast.

James finished his food quickly enough.
He was at the age where he was constantly hungry and with all his training he needed energy.

His excitement for Hogsmeade provided him with so much energy however that he finished his training after a whole 2 hours.
James loved flying more than anything in the world.
He loved how free it felt to escape the ground and all the problems down on it.
He loved how the air would beat against his face as he raced around on his broom.
And he loved being captain.
Being able to motivate his team and strategise game plays.
And make his house proud.
Be of use.

As James arrived back in Gryffindor Tower he half hoped to find Lily in the common room.
Lily didn't go to breakfast anymore.
James didn't really know why that was
But he loved being able to talk with her alone in the common room.
James thought about Lily again.
But now he thought of what Marlene had said. The stuff about her not seeing herself the way other people did.
It seemed crazy to James that Lily couldn't realise those things.
Surely she knew how beautiful she was at least.
Although he would never admit this to anyone he had noticed Lily change a little.
Not drastically just a little she seemed less happy in the way she carried herself these days.
He tried not to overthink this. But that's what he did. James couldn't help but notice when people were off.
And when he did he would try anything in his power to help.
Because that's just what he did. That's what James was good for. People relied on that from him whether they realised it or not.

James headed into the dorm a little disappointed Lily wasn't in the common room this morning.
In the room, the boys were still asleep despite it being a quarter to ten.
Apart from Remus who was sitting at the open window smoking with a book in hand.

James hated the fact that Remus smoked. James put a lot of care into looking after his body and he knew how dangerous muggle cigarettes were.
He didn't like the thought that they could make Remus sick but he knew he shouldn't nag him too much about it.
He knew Remus had started to use it to cope. The boys' home he came from was pretty rough and James figured most lads there smoked.

"Really Moony?" James said quietly as he walked over.

"Sorry mate I know you don't like them."

He took a last puff exhaling the smoke swiftly out the window and ashing the cig on the outer window sill.
He flapped his thin hand smoothly airing the smoke out and closing the window.

"You're alright mate," James said sympathetically. "You really should try to cut it out though. Do you know how bad it is for you?"

Remus smiled grimly.
"That's half the point Prongs."
He shook his head gently at James.
Remus then changed the topic looking at James he sensed he'd gotten too Morbid.

James knew how hard Remus had it. With his home life or rather lack of and his Lycanthrope on top of that. But he hated Remus talking like that.

"So what have you planned to do with Lily?" He asked James.

"Well, there's a cafe I'm hoping she'll like in Hogsmeade. Toadstools it's called. " James smiled also grateful for the change of subject.

Remus gave an approving smile.
"She'll like that James they have lots of books in there."

"You don't think she'll start reading them on the date do you?" James worried.

Remus laughed at his friend.
"It's Lily I can't promise you she won't."

James felt concerned now about his choice of location.

"Danm I hope not," James said defeated.

Remus laughed again.
"She might not go altogether if you don't shower mate. God how long were you training for you're all sweaty." Remus joked.

"2 hours today. I don't know what it was I just couldn't stop." James said.

"Bloody maniac. You smell like you trained for longer." Remus jokingly pinched his nose at James.

"Hey that's not fair I'm not that bad! You and your heightened senses I Swear to Merlin."

The two laughed and shook their heads.

"You are probably a little right though," James admitted
Sniffing under his armpits and making a face. Then grabbing a towel and heading to the bathroom.

After about 20 minutes he had sufficiently cleaned himself up and felt a lot fresher.
He checked himself in the mirror.
His muscle definition was pretty good he couldn't lie. He never felt very confident about his body before when he was on the skinnier side. He never worked out for appearance though. He only wanted to improve his skills. But it was nice to see some results of it he guessed. It definitely had a lot to do with his growth spurt too. His build was broader now but still lean.
He looked at his hair. It didn't even stay in place wet.

He cast a drying charm on his hair.
Danm it still looked messy.
He definitely couldn't show up to Lily looking like that.
He spotted a tub of hair gel belonging to Sirius.
He debated adding some to his hair but knew that he'd be risking certain death if he touched Sirius's hair products.
He eventually gave up trying and his hair just looked fluffier than usual and equally as messy.

He wrapped his towel around his waist and left the bathroom.
Everyone was up now. Apparently, Sirius had been waiting for a shower.

"Took your time princess," Sirius called to James from his bunk.

"I don't know who you're calling a princess mate you own more hair products than any witch I know." James laughed.

"Shame you don't own some Prongs with that bird's nest on your head." Sirius joked back.

"Whatever you say at least I don't have to wear a hat when I run out of styling conditioner." James laughed lightly.

"HEY!" Sirius was sensitive about his hair and took this as too far.

James just laughed fondly at him knowing Sirius could dish it out but not take it most of the time.

"You know you can put your abs away now Prongs Lily isn't looking," Sirius said. Proud he'd finally thought of a comeback.

James threw his head back still laughing.
"Oh but these are just for you Padfoot deer" James said ridiculously. Blowing Sirius a kiss.

He then flexed theatrically like a comic book character.

"You call that posing! I've seen more muscles on Wormy." Sirius scoffed jokingly and he jumped from his bunk.

"Hey!" Peter protested seemingly confused on whether or not it was an insult.

Sirius started to toss his hair dramatically and attempted to flex.
Sirius was not as muscular as James. But he had a lean toned physique and he confidently carried himself that despite insistent efforts to change, came from his pureblood upbringing.

"All right Black you asked for it!" James announced before pulling the shorter boy into a tackle.

The two went at for a few minutes.
Peter laughed at them and Remus just rolled his eyes, accustomed to the two boys' behaviour. The two knew what Sirius and James were like always fighting like brothers. However, what Remus and Peter didn't know was what happened to Sirius that summer.
And that this was the first time James had play-fought with Sirius in a while.

When Sirius arrived at the Potter mansion he was scared and malnourished. His body was covered in bruises and scars. His eyes were by far the worst though. They stared vacantly. The so-called "windows to the soul" had seemed to have no one looking out from them.

It was at least 2 weeks before he could talk in complete sentences to James.
He would cower at every loud noise or slammed the door.
And since that day he escaped Sirius just hadn't been the same.
James had been so gentle and Patient trying to build Sirius back up.
And once he was back I'm Hogwarts he was finally starting to seem like himself again.
And James had forgotten about that scared boy who showed up at his door.

But

Once James pinned Sirius something strange happened.
He froze.

He didn't tap out. He didn't cuss James out.
He didn't struggle to move.

He froze.
His eyes looked empty and frosted.

The second James noticed he got off him.
'How could you be so stupid ' a voice inside his head told him.

Peter stopped laughing.
Remus stopped ignoring them.
And sat up from his book looking alarmed.

James stared at Sirius limp on the floor with his eyes vacant and welling with tears.

James immediately jumped to do the first thing that came to mind.
He knew what to do when he got like this.
But ....but James thought he was OK now?
He thought he'd helped him get better.
Why couldn't he do anything right?

James knelt beside Sirius and put a hand on the boy's shoulder.

"You're safe Padfoot. You're in Hogwarts.
It's me James I'm here. You're OK. You're safe Padfoot."

Sirius let out a sort of weak cry-like noise and closed his eyes.
Letting the water that welled in his eyes finally spill.
He sat up slightly still looking confused.
He looked at James for a millisecond before flinging his arms around him.

"I'm so sorry Prongs. I'm so sorry. Why am I like this? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.'

James felt something sink in him and he held his brother. A brother by all that counted. Sirius shook in his arms.

"Don't say sorry. You don't have to say that anymore. Not here. You don't need to apologise anymore Sirius."

James felt Sirius's head lift slightly from his shoulder. And look at the two other boys. It was as if he had only just realised he and James weren't alone.

"Padf-" Remus started sounding concerned and a little scared.

With that Sirius let go of James.
He ran quickly into the bathroom and locked the door.

Remus turned to James looking shocked.
Peter stared looking scared also looking at James for some sort of explanation.

"He just needs some time," James said solemnly to the two boys.

James wasn't usually so serious so it made Peter and Remus reluctant to ask further.

Sure enough, he was right.
Sirius stayed in the bathroom for at least 40 minutes.
James assumed he put a silencing charm on the dorm because he couldn't hear a sound in there.

James started to get dressed he wasn't really sure what to wear. Most of his clothes weren't really muggle wear and he didn't want Lily to think he was dressed weirdly.
He eventually decided on a pair of baggy jeans and a mustard Button down.
He left the top buttons undone so he didn't look like he was trying too hard. (He was.)

He couldn't distract himself long from thinking about Sirius.
How could James have been so stupid?
How could he call himself Sirius's friend and do that?
He knew he didn't mean to.
He knew he was only thinking about how good it was that he could tussle with Padfoot again.
But that didn't change the fact that he scared Sirius.
Maybe he'd get bad again?
Maybe he'd stop talking again?
And it would all be because of James.

Sirius came out eventually.
Eyes red. It was clear that he had been crying.

He just came out and acted like nothing had happened.

"You get showered Pads?" Remus asked clearly understanding that Sirius didn't want to explain what happened.

Sirius smiled grateful for Remus's tact.

"Yep," he said and he shook his mop of black curls like a dog.

"Hey," Peter squealed as some of the water got on him.

Sirius just laughed and shook his hair again.

"You don't have to always act like a dog you know," Peter complained.

Sirius ignored him and turned to James.

"That's what you wearing?" He raised an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, Merlin is it really that bad?" James sighed.

"Nah you look fine Prongs I'm only teasing. " Sirius said cheekily.

James shook his head relieved not only that he didn't look odd but also that Sirius was acting like himself.

In about 20 minutes the rest of the boys were done getting ready.

Remus threw on a sweater and a pair of oversized jeans.
Peter put on a jumper and a pair of slacks from his mum.
And Sirius wore a pair of black jeans a loose white vest and a leather jacket he begged Remus to let him borrow.

James sat on a couch with the marauders waiting for Lily to finally come down.
Her room was one of the last to join the common room.

Sirius made some flirty joke with Mary but James ignored it.

James didn't believe his eyes.
How on earth was she his date to Hogsmeade?

Lily Evans stood there practically glowing she looked so graceful.
She had kept her auburn hair blown in soft waves of crimson that fell around her face.
Her cheeks were slightly blushed.
And her dress looked as if it was made for her.
The green of the dress brought out her eyes.
It was cinched at the with a ribbon tying up the back.
Showing her delicate slightly curvy figure.
She looked so different out of her robes.
Something about her looked different but he wasn't really sure what.

She looked back at him and suddenly realised how much he had been staring.

He got off the couch to say hi.

"Hey"
She said at the same time as him.
The two laughed at each other for a moment.

He looked up into her eyes.

She was so beautiful.

"Lily you look..."

He hesitated looking down for a second unsure how he could describe how wonderful she looked.

"Stunning." He finished, Looking into her green eyes once more.

"Lily just...Wow."
Why was he so awkward around her he thought.
But as he looked at her he could swear he saw the faintest blush appear on her cheeks.
She shook her head softly smiling shyly.
Her hair gently fell over her sharp shoulders as she did so.

"You look very nice James." She said politely back.

He tried not to look like a fool when she said this even though it made his chest feel light and bubbly like a girl.

He decided to keep the conversation going.

"So there's this coffee shop in the village. It's eh called toadstools. It's a pretty nice spot.I think so at least. I mean they have lots of bookshelves there I know you read alot so maybe you could read some? Or maybe not cause I probably can't talk to you if you start reading. Or do maybe if you want to"

"Sounds lovely."

Thank god Lily was so kind.
He could have kept babbling like an idiot till they had to leave if she didn't interrupt.
He smiled gratefully at her in return