saviour complex

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
F/M
G
saviour complex
Summary
Lily Evans is sick, sick of feeling like an outsider, sick of the pressure to prove she's more than her blood status and sick of herself. She wanted to be good enough to be accepted. James Potter has been totally infatuated with Lily Evans since he saw her during their first year at Hogwarts. He would love to watch her doing the things that made her Lily like how she would try to make conversation with house elves or comfort homesick first years or would carry a book everywhere. He noticed when she started staring off into the distance more than usual or tapped her fingers around her wrist anxiously. He watched her slowly fade. James has to fix this because isn't that what he does?
Note
TW: homophobia, depression, dissociation, panic attacks, anorexia, eating disorders, PTSD, abuse , harassment.☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ To see how characters are imagined @floraisasleep on pinterest
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Chapter 15

James followed Lily out.
He felt a little proud of the shocked look on her face as they stood in front of the classroom.

He closed the painting behind him.
"How did you find that passage?" Lily asked amazed.

"I'm afraid that's top-secret information. I'd put you at risk of Moony's temper if I snitched." James said solemnly.

"Thats amazing! Is that what's on the piece of paper, maps of passages in the castle?"

Danm she was smart James thought to himself. It only took her a matter of seconds to guess that.

"I wish I could say." James replied nonchalantly.
He checked his wristwatch they had 5 minutes till the class started just as he had timed.
He supposed he could use the time to talk more.
As in class although they sat together Lily rarely spoke. Generally, she was too focused on taking notes.

It seemed like Lily had a similar idea.

"Those nicknames you guys have." Lily paused "I don't understand them. Well, I understand Remus but how come the rest of you have them? I mean what kind of nickname us wormtail?"
James didn't know what to say. How on earth could she have known about Remus?
James knew Sirius would never tell. And Pete was usually too nervous around girls to get many words out never mind something like that.
"How did you know ab-"
"I put it together a while ago," Lily said in a quiet voice."The trips to Pomfrey every full moon. The aversion to silverware. The scars."

James was a little stunned he simply stood there eyes wide.

"Don't worry I would never tell anyone. I think its terrible the prejudice against Werewolves. And I really quite like Remus sometimes were share notes in the library. And of the marauders, he's certainly the lesser of the four evils." She smiled a bit at the last sentence.

James wasn't sure why but he knew Lily was telling the truth. That she would never tell a soul about Remus's secret.

"I talked to him about it actually." Lily continued.
This surprised James the most out of anything she had said. Remus never liked to talk about his Lycanthrope.

"I found out in third year. I tried to help him find a charm for one of his new scars. We didn't have much luck, unfortunately. But I managed to dull the sting a bit."

"That's really kind of you." James said sincerely.

"I wish I could have helped more but I suppose if Poppy couldn't there wasn't much point in me trying. But anyways what about the rest of you and the nicknames?"

James wanted to tell her. He really did. He knew he could trust her. But it wasn't just his secret. And it would be wrong to expose Sirius and Peter. It was a crime to be illegal animagi .

"It's our patronus's, I'm a stag so Prongs for my antlers. Sirius is a dog so Padfoot kind of made sense. And Peter well that was mostly for a laugh but his patronus is a rat so his tail sort of looks like a worm."

"Oh that makes sense." Lily nodded.
"Poor Pete though." she giggled.

James felt guilty lying even though he knew he had to.
"Poor old wormy" James agreed.

He could hear Mrs Twikle's pointy shoes walking towards them.

Wow 5 minutes went fast with Lily he thought.

The tall blonde Professor stopped at the door.
She was wearing a lilac Penny Lane coat, pink dress and bright purple pointy-toed boots.
Her pale hair in an updo with a feather in it.
Her huge blue eyes were hidden by pink glasses. She resembled a big pink peacock.

"Miss Evans, Mister Potter, I must say it's nice to see you both on time for my class. "
She drew open the door to the divination classroom.
"Do come in now and find your seats."

The pair followed their peacock professor into the room towards their shared desk.
They sat down quietly. Feeling slightly awkward in the empty classroom.

"Now that you are here first I might as well give you your results from the test." She said in her upscale voice.
"I must say excellent results from you both! I am very impressed."

She grabbed two papers from her drawer and walked towards their table.
Handing over the marked tests.

"Miss Evans good work 94%, And great work Mister Potter 97%."

James saw Lily's expression falter slightly.
She looked disappointed. Surely that wasn't the case he thought. 94 was a brilliant mark after all.

The rest of the class arrived before he could think any longer.
The students bustling in towards their seats.

"Hello everyone." Mrs Twikle announced once all her pupils were situated.

"In today's class we will start with tea leaf reading once I have handed out your exam papers. You will not be reading your teas alone. Both you and your partners will examine each other's tea."

 

James was a little excited to read Lily's tea.
After their conversation in the Hall he realised she was a little more mysterious than he had thought.

Mrs Twikle continued instructions as she handed out papers.
"You will have 3 teas each which you and your partner will read. Notice the three cups in front of you."
James looked at his three cups each filled a third of the way.

"You will use these for today's lesson. "
She finished as she handed out the last paper.

"You may begin now."

The pair started to drink their first tea at the same time. The herbal tea Twikle used was quite delicious. It tasted like chamomile and lavender.

Lily finished first and put her cup down looking curiously.
James looked over.It was what looked to be a wagon wheel, the symbol of progress in goals.

"I think it's a wagon wheel." She said confused.
James didn't see why she was so surprised.
"Makes sense." He replied kindly.

He looked down at his own now-finished cup and placed it on the desk.
" It's a vase he said." Eyes narrow.
"You're right." Lily said leaning over.

They repeated this with the next cup.
Lily getting a plate. This worried James slightly he wondered if Lily's parents were OK. He had seen how many letters passed between her and her mother he knew she was close to them.

James got a knot. He knew what that meant but he didn't feel like he worried too much.

And on the last cups it got even stranger.
The leaves were clearer in both than the previous times.
Very clearly James had a dog at the bottom of his cup and just as obviously Lilly had a cracked kettle in hers.

 

James knew the dog meant a loyal friendship but at the bottom of the cup, it meant something else entirely.
A friend in need of great help.
He was trying so hard for his friends he always was. But it had gotten to a point where he didn't know what else to do. James knew that if he could take their problems for himself he would. In an instant. But that's not how it works.

He was confused by Lily's kettle.
The Kettle symbolises a slight sickness that can be cured with the help of loved ones.
But he had never read about it being cracked before?

He felt he shouldn't have been so excited for the tea leaves.
They revealed a lot more than he was comfortable with honestly. But he felt that if anyone had to see his tea leaves. He was glad it was Evans.

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