Chapter 16
After the divination class was over Lily didn't get a chance to say goodbye to James.
Mary and Marlene had come over and scooped her away.
They were both very eager to hear about her little detour with Potter.
"Tell us everything." Mary squealed.
"There's nothing to tell" Lily shrugged.
"Oh come on now don't be so secretive." Teased Marlene playfully.
"You seemed pretty eager to go off with him." Mary smiled giving a cheeky look.
"Nothing happened I swear we just talked. "
"Oh really" Mary sounded a little disappointed. "OK Lily but you have to admit James Potter is not bad looking at all. Especially after this summer, he's really filled out. I swear half the guys got taller in the two months off. But he's pretty built too from all that quidditch."
Mary had a knack for objectifying lads.
Lily didn't blame her they had started it first.
Mary Mcdonald was getting cat-called and winked at since first year. And the boys had said some downright despicable things about her body.
But Lily absolutely hated that term. "Filled out" she remembered Snape saying it on the train. Thinking of that reminded her of the awful things he had said last week.
At least Lily thought , he was honest.
Her body had changed noticeably and it took his cruelty to see it since no one else was honest enough to say it she guessed.
In the past week she had lost another two pounds but she was still far from happy.
She wasn't sure what else to do she had started to skip dinner half of the nights and have a cold chicken breast salad for lunch.
The hunger was pretty intense at first.
Lily wasn't sure why but she had started to not mind it so much.
She felt more alert and focused with it.
And anyways once she lost 5 more pounds she could go back to eating more.
"Lily?" Marlene said concerned.
"Are you OK you didn't respond for like 30 seconds."
"Oh sorry I was just thinking." She said a little embarrassed.
"Though I never said James wasn't good looking. The problem is he knows it. But it's just not like that with Potter I don't see him that way."
Lily wasn't sure why she felt like she was lying when she said that last sentence.
"Whatever you say Lily." Mary said clearly not believing her.
The next class all Lily could think about was the Tessomancy.
Surely it wasn't accurate.
I mean the plate made sense she guessed thinking of Petunia.
But the rest of it?
The Kettle was cracked she had no idea what that could mean. Lily wasn't even sick. And the wagon wheel made no sense at all. Considering she wasn't progressing with her goals at all. She was scoring worse on exams than she ever had. She thought if Arithmetic. But every time she thought of that class it brought back the sting of Snapes words.
She was so occupied thinking of her own results she realised how selfish she was being.
She had read the leaves in James's tea.
They all seemed to link to to marauders.
The vase for friends in need of help and the dog representing nearly the same thing.
Not to mention the knots. He must really be worried about Remus.
She thought of poor Remus the full moon was last week. Surely that had impacted him. That must be what worried James.
Maybe there was more to Potter than she thought .
Back at the room later Mary was still interrogating Lily about her walk with him to class.
"I must say Lily after all the rejections we were pretty surprised you left with him."
"Well you have to give it the guy he's pretty determined." Marlene added.
"Well that's certainly one word for it."
Lily replied "I thought he would have given up this bit a long time ago."
"Bit!??"
The two other girls said in unison.
"Lily surely you realise there's no bit." Mary sounded shocked.
"Lily James is completely mental about you." Marlene said firmly.
"Oh ha ha you guys too? Come on I might not have much experience with guys but I smart enough to know that a guy like James Potter would never really like someone like me. "
"What do you mean someone like you Lily !" Marlene said defensively offended that her best friend was insulting herself.
"You know girls, You are both so pretty it would make sense to be either of you. I mean Marlene look at you, you have a perfect figure and you're amazing at quidditch.
And Mary you are so beautiful and bubbly and confident. "
The two girls stared back at Lily in disbelief.
Lily continued "I'm not as fun as the two of you I know guys don't like me. I'm fine with that, I don't need for boys to have crushes on me."
Lily meant this
It wasn't as if she had many crushes on guys herself. Apart from maybe Severus.The way he stood up for her or encouraged her magic. She really did love him ,before all this and a little part of her felt he might feel the same.Though that little part had been broken over this summer. And especially now.
"Thats enough Lily." Mary sounded angry.
"We are not gonna sit hear and listen to you put yourself down! Lily you are so beautiful. Plenty of boys like you INCLUDING James Potter!"
"Where is this all coming from Lily? You always seemed so sure of yourself." Marlene added upset.
Lily had never really thought she had come of as confident truly. Well maybe she came off that way but she wasn't sure if she ever really was. The only thing she ever held real confidence in was her grades. Now that was going too.
Mary seemed to go from frustrated to matching Marlenes concerned tone.
"Lily you are one of the most beautiful witches in our year truly, if not the most. It's OK to be insecure sometimes of course I mean we have all been there. Sometimes I wish my chest was smaller. I feel like I can't wear anything without it being sexsualised. All people ever call me is hot or good looking no one ever compliments my personality or who I am." She paused " But that dosent mean its OK to sit here and say those things about yourself."
Marlene nodded her head.
"Yeah exactly you said I have a 'perfect figure' but honestly I hate it. I'm so skinny I feel like I look like a boy in girls clothes when I try to dress pretty. And it's not ideal for quidditch either I'm always getting bruised after a game. No one is entirely confident in everything about themselves but that doesn't mean all the good stuff isn't there." Marlene gave a sympathetic smile at the end.
"Oh" She said a look coming over her face like there was something else she wanted to add.
"Don't think for a second James isn't totally mad about you either. The idiot asks me about you nearly every day at training." She laughed.
It really upset Lily to hear her two best friends talk about themselves like this. It didn't make sense to her how they could see themselves like that. Not to mention the things they said about her. Surely it was out of pity.
Surely none of this was true Lily thought trying to rationalise it all in her head.
James could have any girl he wanted
I mean Lily knew for a fact that far prettier girls had crushes on him.
Why would he like her?
Lily thought about the possibility that for some strange reason he was serious all those times he asked her out.
Maybe
she had been too harsh?
She decided to wait and see how he acted maybe if he was being serious she would be able to tell.
Because truthfully as much as it surprised her to admit. James Potter really wasn't the worst.