saviour complex

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
F/M
G
saviour complex
Summary
Lily Evans is sick, sick of feeling like an outsider, sick of the pressure to prove she's more than her blood status and sick of herself. She wanted to be good enough to be accepted. James Potter has been totally infatuated with Lily Evans since he saw her during their first year at Hogwarts. He would love to watch her doing the things that made her Lily like how she would try to make conversation with house elves or comfort homesick first years or would carry a book everywhere. He noticed when she started staring off into the distance more than usual or tapped her fingers around her wrist anxiously. He watched her slowly fade. James has to fix this because isn't that what he does?
Note
TW: homophobia, depression, dissociation, panic attacks, anorexia, eating disorders, PTSD, abuse , harassment.☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ To see how characters are imagined @floraisasleep on pinterest
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Chapter 14

James had been getting really into his divination book.
And only half because he wanted to impress Lily!
They were going to learn to read leaves this week, the results would contribute to the end of term grades.
James felt pretty confident after all the inadvertent studying he had done.
He wondered how Lily was feeling about it.

James waited to find her during lunch so he could walk with her to class.
He saw her sitting between Molly Prewitt and Marlene Mckinnon.

James admired her for a second.
She looked like she was laughing at a joke Mary Mcdonald had told.
To James, Lily Evans had this amazing ability to light up a room when she smiled. Her freckled cheeks would blush and gain dimples. Her laugh felt like the sun.

Sometimes James would wonder why he had a crush on the same girl for 5 years.

All he had to do was remember that girl was Lily Evans.

James figured she was nearly finished as her plate was basically empty.

He walked over to announce himself.

"Sorry to interrupt you ladies." James smiled.

 

Mary rolled her eyes. Molly giggled. Marlene nearly choked on her pastry trying not to laugh.

Lily.
Lily just looked up at James and smiled ever so subtly as she shook her head.

"I take you are nearly finished." James nodded towards the near-empty plate of side salad sitting plainly in front of Lily.

Lily paused.
And nodded back.
"Yes I am." She said almost hesitantly.

"Wonderful! Well, I came to offer myself as an escort to Mrs Twikle's class." James smiled charmingly.

"But lunch isn't over for at least 5 minutes?" Lily said.

"I thought we'd be 5 minutes early today to make up for being 10 minutes late for the first class." James offered a hand to help Lily up from her seat.

To his surprise she took it.

(And to the surprise of everyone else at the table. Most of Gryfindor knew about James Potter's Mammoth crush on Lily.
Most of Gryfindor had also witnessed countless rejections.)

 

"I suppose there's nothing else to do." Lily sounded half amused and half defeated.

Either way she was holding onto James Potter's arm.

"Right this way" James said guiding her out of the Hall.

 

Lily's hand was warm and soft on his arm.
She held it so gently.
That was before she clocked that she was still holding it.
At which point she dropped it instantly.

"I don't know why I agreed to this it's not like I Don't know how to get to the classroom."
Lily said regrettably

"We'll maybe you just enjoy my company." James cocked an eyebrow.

"I wouldn't bet on it." She smiled.

James considered it a small victory whenever he got her to smile. He knew sometimes it was at his own expense. He couldn't care less because he made Lily Evans smile. And that was the main takeaway.

James smiled back at her meeting her eyes.

"Come on." He said in a gentle voice.

One that Lily couldn't help but follow.

James pulled the marauders map from his pocket and started to walk.
He turned his head to make sure Lily was following.
He smiled, seeing that she was.

"This isn't the way to divination Potter." She said slightly confused.

"Trust me, Evans" James laughed.
He followed the map towards one of the passages Remus had mapped.

He started making conversation with Lily. Any excuse to talk with her?

"How are you finding 5th year?"

"It's OK, the workload is a bit heavy."

James was surprised to hear Lily say this.
She always loved school in her own cute but slightly nerdy way.

"Really? I mean I agree but I assumed you'd love that." James joked

"I don't know I sort of regret taking Arithmetic."

"Why's that? Anything to do with Snivilous being in your class." James responded lightly not meaning to be cruel.

Lily's eyes turned slightly spaced.
"How did you know about that?" She asked.

"About what?"

"Sev and I"

"I don't know anything really. I just noticed you hanging out less since the start of the term. I was kind of surprised you always defended him. You two are so close."

"Were." Lily corrected sharply. "We WERE so close. Turns out he was never defending me back I guess."

"Oh." James felt sorry he had obviously struck a nerve. And although he hated Snape he never wanted to upset Lily.

"Well fuck him then!." James said firmly.

Lily looked slightly taken aback by this before cracking a small grateful smile.

"I guess so."

They finally reached a portrait of Joan of Arc. Said to be one of the greatest witches in history. With the gift of Legilimency.

Lily stopped where James did.
He looked around cautiously before pulling open the portrait to her surprise.

"Come on" He said
She followed behind him as he stepped into the passage.
" But how did y-"
"Shh. A marauder never reveals his secrets" James winked at her.
Lily shook her head in disbelief.

After about a minute of walking through the passage.
The two reached the end.

"What are you at Potter." Lily asked.

James paused looking at Lily before responding.

"I don't know what I'm at Lily Evans." He smiled as he opened the exit.
"After you"

She stepped out amazed.

They were right outside the divination classroom.

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