Chapter 17
Suddenly, Namtan and Film's dynamic was a far cry from what they started with. In fact, it was the complete opposite. In the dim lighting of the hallway outside the club, beside the elevator that had just chimed, announcing its arrival, Namtan allowed Film to find her footing on the floor, her hands smoothing out the sides of Film's hiked up dress tenderly.
They forced themselves apart, trying to tame their rampant breaths as they felt their heartbeats even out, though that would never be possible if they were in the same room with one another.
Namtan's hazel gaze found Film's brown response, and her breath caught in her throat once more. She clutched Film's wrist in her own slightly bigger hand, steadying herself. She wasn't sure if she felt dizzy because of the sheer amount of alcohol that was swimming in her veins, or her pure attraction to Film.
Both were rather acceptable excuses to misbehave, if Namtan had anything to say about it.
The door opened, golden barriers parting to reveal another young couple, perhaps the same one that resided on their floor. Namtan wasn't sure. She couldn't recognize anything except Film, who looked unfairly gorgeous in the dim lighting, harsh shadows falling on her high cheekbones, falling off her square jaw.
She was breathtaking, in every sense of the word.
Film was laughing quietly to herself, and the very sound made Namtan's heart flutter. God, that was all she wanted in life. To see Film's grin, to hear her laugh.
She was in so deep.
"What?" Namtan inquired under her breath.
Film shook her head. "We started out kissing in front of everyone we could, to make it look real. And now, we're waiting till they pass."
In retrospect, it probably wasn't that funny. But god, seeing Film grin like that, so giddy and carefree, Namtan found herself chuckling at the irony, shaking her head.
The couple passed without so much as a sideways glance, and Namtan spared a look at Film.
There was a decision to be made.
Namtan never looked back, to the safety of the table, where the rest of the group were. She never looked back, towards all the excuses. Towards all the reasons why she couldn't be with Film. All the reasons why she shouldn't have.
Instead, she narrowed her eyes at the rapidly closing slit, and tore away towards it, pulling Film's arm behind her.
Film followed with nothing more than a gasp.
And just like that, sliding through the doors and slamming the button for their floor, Namtan made the leap of faith, with Film faithfully by her side. She was jumping with Film, for Film. Her brain was a little hazy, and nothing made sense.
Well, almost nothing.
The moment the doors had shut, Namtan whirled around, pressing Film against the elevator wall as she went back to recapture her soft, swollen lips, Film uttering a small cry of pleased surprise as one hand wrapped around Namtan, the other steadying itself on the small handrail against the small of her own back.
Out of the corner of her eyes, between heated kisses, Namtan could see their reflection in the mirror like glass adorning the walls. She could see herself, lipstick slightly smudged, lips swollen. She could see Film, looking similarly disheveled, arm clenched around Namtan somewhat protectively.
Film's mind was reeling, but the alcohol did its job, suppressing her doubts like the most powerful floodgate, shut and barred, sealed until Film could get what she desired. And that was Namtan Tipnaree. Film couldn't help herself anymore.
This was the result of months of want, of pining, of desperately aching to feel Namtan during all those lonely nights when she was a mere room away.
This was more than physical attraction, however. This was the result of all of Namtan's little smiles, her soft caresses, her kisses and whispers that soothed Film when nothing else could.
Film was terrified because she'd never felt so strongly in her life.
Of course, the rationalization had been negated by the alcohol, and the fear by the sheer want building within her.
Now was the time for action.
She felt Namtan whisper "Watch." Against her flushed skin, suckling gently by her neck as she tilted her head so Film could watch her possessively mark her with her lips, through the reflection of the elevator wall.
Film let out a groan and used one hand to comb through her hair, entirely too hot. Namtan Tipnaree was a goddess.
She felt something surge within her, then. Something that had been dormant, but present, since their heated kiss back in Namtan's apartment, in front of Lookmhee and Sonya.
Film felt a small growl tear at the back of her throat as the doors opened. Namtan practically squeaked in surprise against her.
Before Film could make a movement, Namtan was lifting her up, Film's legs wrapping around hers, their lips finding one another in a curiously tender yet expressive kiss, Namtan moving backwards in the vague direction of their room, entering their floor in a flurry of kisses, and soft moans.
Namtan had Film pressed against the door, mumbling, "Babe I need the key." Against Film's lips.
Film offered her a wry little smirk in response, reaching into her bra with one hand, producing the keycard within seconds.
Namtan grinned against her lips, hands blindly fumbling to slide the card into the lock as she rewarded Film with a kiss, accepting Film's weight once more as she stepped in, Film in her arms, kicking the door shut behind her.
The automatic lights flicked on, revealing the same room they'd left. But the feeling, the energy, the vibes that the room gave off were completely different.
A thick need, a hurried tension filled the air in waves, resonating deep with both Namtan and Film, frantic and disorganized as their heartbeats and breaths.
If she'd thought they were going to freshen up, she'd have been dead wrong.
Namtan carried Film to the bed, sitting backwards on the edge, Film now seated on her bare thigh, both their dresses hiked up decently.
Namtan felt a fresh wave of arousal with the realization that Film was wearing nothing but lace panties that Film could feel against her thigh.
"Fuck." Film's voice was breathy and desperate, Namtan's hands reaching out to steady her. Pulling her in for a deep kiss. Their eyes met when Namtan detached her lips from Film's, both of theirs now swollen and bruised from their kisses. Namtan felt the attraction settle in the centimeters between them as she leaned in to bite Film's lower lip ever so softly, reveling in the tender gasp she drew from Film, a smile forming against her lips as she released it, soothing it with a swipe of her tongue and a light brush of her lips.
Film took in a shaky breath, eyes locking with Namtan's. Both their eyes were dark, clouding with desire. Their breaths almost matched as Film now initiated the next kiss, parting all too quickly. She ran the pads of her elegant, slim fingers against Namtan's exposed collarbones, smiling against Namtan's lips in satisfaction when she heard the artist suck in a breath of absolute pleasure.
"May I?" Namtan whispered, ever polite, against her lips as she ran her fingers under Film's dress strap.
"Do it." Film practically begged, rolling her hips in response against Namtan's thigh.
Namtan gently pulled the strap aside, letting it fall off of Film's shoulder nonchalantly as she detached herself from Film's lips, pressing kisses to her shoulder.
Film's arms found their home around Namtan's neck, as Namtan's found theirs around Film's hips. Film hesitated for just a moment, and through the drunken haze, Namtan's reassuring smile made its way through.
Film's hips bucked erratically when she pressed a suckling kiss to Namtan's collarbone, her fingers dragging against Namtan's pale skin.
Namtan was learning that Film was as beautiful a lover as she was a friend. She pressed her knee up against Film's core, eliciting a delicious cry from her as she latched onto Namtan, breathily whispering, "Babi, yes. Fuck."
Namtan's absolute favorite sound in the world was Film calling her that. Now, the closest runner up was Film breathily moaning her name as a direct result of Namtan pleasuring her. She was in love with the sound. She was in love with Film.
Things slowed down, for just a moment.
Things hadn't changed. This was still Namtan Tipnaree, her best friend, the one who brightened her world.
This was still Namtan and Film, the two inseparable neighbors who'd immediately taken a liking to each other, molding to become part of one another's worlds.
"Hey." Namtan whispered, leaning in to tenderly drag out Film's lower lip with her own, smiling against their kiss.
"Hi." Film croaked, her voice unable to stay as strong as she would have liked.
"You're a really good kisser." Namtan practically moaned, sweeping her tongue over Film's lips, enjoying the rapidly fading taste of her lip balm.
"You've kissed me before." Film pointed out incredibly weakly, slurring her words against Namtan's ravishing kisses.
"Not like this." Namtan panted, and Film wasn't sure if it was the kiss that was different, or the implications behind it. "I've wanted to..." Film began breathily, rolling her hips forward, seeking friction against her core, whimpering when she found it on Namtan's thigh. "To do this for so long." She bit her lip, grinding torturously slowly against Namtan's thigh, whining when she felt the friction she sought. "Ever since I uh-" Film caught her breath, her face flushed. "Ever since I first saw you."
Namtan's eyes widened slightly, her heart like a jackhammer in her chest. This had to be the single greatest day of her previously pitiful existence.
"You looked so beautiful." Namtan mumbled, lips trailing down Film's mouth to leave scorching kisses on her jaw, working her way down to her neck. Her hands, likely shaking, were matching Film's tempo on her thigh, as she desperately tried to ignore the damp moisture, she felt blooming on her thigh. She took in Film, all breathy and gasping, arms around her own neck like she was the only other person in the world worth having. The way the light sheen of sweat glistened on her skin when she threw her head back in pleasure, giving Namtan access to the sweet taste of her skin.
Namtan's swollen lips found their way to Film's chest, right above the beginning dip of her cleavage, as she pressed wet kisses to the spot, feeling Film's body jerk in anticipation
"You're always beautiful." Namtan murmured into her chest, then her neck. "Even now, Film, you're a goddess."
Namtan wasn't entirely sure what had happened. She was certain she heard Film cry out, breathing labored. She was sure she felt dampness on her thigh, coating it slightly. She was sure the world was spinning and everything was gilded and golden, especially the woman in her arms. She was sure of the aching need, the consuming heat that had found its way into her legs.
What she was unsure of, however, was Film's changing expression as she rode an ephemeral wave of bliss, not even half of what Namtan was capable of inflicting. She was unsure of what it meant when Film bit her lip, and yet a cry tore its way from her lips. She was even less sure when Film buried her face in Namtan's neck, panting against Namtan's skin.
Film found that some things in life came to her almost effortlessly, like second nature. Loving Namtan was one of those things. It was almost thoughtless, a purely involuntary reaction of her heart and mind acting as one entirely pathetic vessel on Namtan's sea of smiles and soft words and early morning promises.
Namtan took in a breath, Film still rocking slowly against her as she ran her hair in Film's hair, hearing Film let out a groan of appreciation, nuzzling further into her neck.
Namtan suspected that she was hiding her face, likely red and embarrassed. She also suspected that the sheer amount of alcohol they consumed was catching up with her, as it certainly had with herself.
"Film." Namtan whispered coaxingly, trying to tell Film that it was okay.
It was okay that she accidentally did this, chose Namtan. It was okay, and they could go back to being friends, in the morning, however hard it was for Namtan to shake the thoughts of Film's lips, her whines, so desperate and needy.
But Film, even after their year of friendship, managed to surprise her still.
"Babi." She croaked, her lips barely moving against Film's neck. "I-" She trailed off at first, not entirely ready, even with the copious amounts of alcohol, to confess her inner thoughts.
"We can forget." Namtan mumbled over Film's shoulder, as film’s arms tightened around her.
"I don't want to forget." Film's response was immediate, andNamtan found that, somehow, her heart still had the energy to damn near burst with happiness and relief. "I just thought about this for a long, long time." Her words were slightly slurred, but it seemed her release had brought over a wave of rationalization.
"You have?" Namtan found herself asking, her voice barely a hopeful whisper.
"Oh, god, yes." Film pressed a kiss to her neck and leaned back to take in Namtan's face.
NAmtan felt herself blushing at the kiss. Despite what they'd just done, the kiss had a level of intimacy that she couldn't quite place. She was in love with the feeling it caused.
"Well to be fair I even dreamt about it." Namtan began, a smile blossoming on her lips, as her eyes locked with Film's.
Namtan had dreamt about it. Her.
So, Film was not the only one.
Film felt her lip’s part slightly as her eyes locked with Namtan's, the two still incredibly close, far too close for Namtan to back out. It was then, with a dose of euphoria, that Film realized she didn't want to. She wanted it all.
"I want to feel all of it." Namtan murmured before Film could even start, their lips mere centimeters apart. "but not like this, Film. I want to remember feeling you.
Film had never felt so many emotions unravel in her chest at once. Namtan was cupping her cheeks, leaning forward to kiss her again, this time, soft and slow.
Film leaned into the kiss, sighing in contentment.
Namtan Tipnaree was doubtlessly the perfect human being.
"Is that okay, Babi?" She whispered against Namtan's lips, their tired eyes begging for sleep.
Namtan nodded, doubting her ability to form coherent words. She bit her lip, knowing she'd have to ignore the aching throb between her legs, as Film had gotten hers. Film threw a glance towards the bathroom, contemplating if she was too drunk to shower.
With one glance at the room, her eyes were lidded, and everything was hazy. She was surprised she hadn't been sick yet.
"Uh oh." Namtan giggled slightly as she followed Film's eyes with her own. "I almost forgot it was your first time with Win's beer." The alcohol had put a bubbly, bright tinge to Namtan's tone, and Film thought it akin to the sound of birds chirping pleasantly in the morning, not her typical husky, melodious tone, but beautiful nonetheless.
Film had gotten so wrapped up in Namtan's tonality that she'd completely forgotten to respond.
"Film." Namtan coaxed, kissing her cheek.
"Hey." Film answered immediately, wanting to curse herself for the slow response.
"Hi." Namtan grinned, shaking her head. "How do you feel?"
"Like my body is on fire." Film answered honestly. Probably not the response Namtan was looking for.
Namtan blushed, rolling her eyes as she reached for the water bottle on her nightstand, unfortunately Film from her lap.
Although she felt a wave of cold brush against the damp spot on her knee, she tried to rise for the restroom, succeeding only in sitting back on the bed with a huff. This beer certainly didn't have standard effects. She felt higher than she did inebriated.
"Babi." Film chided, clearly handling her intoxication with more finesse. "Sit." She clicked her tongue, coming over to hand Namtan the water bottle. "Drink this. All of it."
Namtan glanced at the water bottle, smiling as she took it from Film. "This is yours." She commented wryly, humor and wit still poking out at times, from her alcohol addled mind.
"Really, Nam? Even now you think I’m a germaphobe" Film rolled her eyes. "My tongue has been in your mouth."
That had Namtan chuckling as she tossed the water back, closing her eyes as she realized she had to take it in small sips. By the time she lazily lowered the bottle, she blinked, realizing Film was kneeled before her, damp towel in hand, cleaning her thigh.
Film sensed the eyes upon her and glanced up with a shy smile, whispering, "Sorry."
Namtan shook her head, running a hand through Film's hair, her favorite thing to do. "Don't be." She whispered, eyes lidded, gazing at Film as if she'd just descended from the heavens themselves.
"You're tired." Namtan commented knowingly, rising up. "Let's get ready for bed."
"How?" Film smiled teasingly. "We're both drunk." She murmured as she tugged Namtan to her, enveloping her waist in a hug as Namtan bent slightly to kiss her forehead.
"I'm thinking you're acting like it to get special treatment." Namtan teased, grinning in delight when she felt Film chuckle against her, body shaking slightly.
"I'm going to help you stand." Namtan announced. "It'll feel funny, just hold onto me."
"Who will you hold onto?" Film shot back as she stood on shaky legs, realizing she'd kicked off her heels some time ago.
Namtan smiled at her when Film's gaze, sleepy and hooded, focused on Namtan once more. Film reached behind her, closing her eyes as she felt for her zipper, feeling her way through the process of undressing.
Namtan watched her with widened eyes. "How the hell can you reach that far?" She mumbled, shrugging out of her own dress.
"Yoga." Film replied sagely, shimmying out of her dress.
"I-uh..." Namtan swallowed, her throat dry. "I'll go brush up while you change. You seem okay."
As Namtan turned towards the bathroom, she stumbled slightly, and Film caught her wrist. "Are you sure you're fine?" She mumbled, an amused smile on her face.
"Shut up." Namtan teased as she slipped into the bathroom, mind spinning, heart racing.
*
By some miracle, both Namtan and Film had managed to survive getting ready for bed. Film's earlier bottle of water seemed to be taking effect. Namtan had to divert her eyes from Film's black nightdress, knowing there would be no stopping her if she stared too long.
Film had finished cleaning up and quietly slid into bed, laying her heavy head against the headboard as she froze somewhat awkwardly, unsure of herself. She was still sitting upright, hands clutching the duvet.
"Hey." Namtan whispered, sliding in beside her as she tugged on her boy shorts, slipping under the safety of the covers. "How are you feeling?"
"Dizzy." Film responded with a tired smile. "Not too bad."
Namtan chuckled, eyeing Film with a knowing nod. "So, you survived without throwing up so far."
"So far." Film hummed, closing her eyes momentarily, resting them as if she was not about to sleep.
"Babi." Namtan touched her wrist, and Film's eyes opened, her skin burning at the contact. "If you don't feel good, wake me up, alright?"
Film smiled involuntarily. Namtan was everything she could ever want in a best friend, in a lover, in life itself.
"I'm serious." Namtan pressed.
"Mhmm." Film nodded, sliding down so that her head was on the pillow.
There was an awkward moment between the two, an invisible iron curtain slowly forming between them, breaking off the intimacy of their earlier contact.
Namtan would be damned if all her progress came undone.
"Hey." Namtan patted Film, and then her chest. "Come here."
Film blinked, and Namtan was gently rolling her so that her head was on Namtan's chest, her arms wrapping around Namtan instinctively.
Namtan reached out with one arm, hitting the light switch as she shimmied further under the covers, arms going around Film as she pressed a kiss to the brunette's forehead, smiling against her skin when she heard Film sigh contentedly under her lips.
Namtan knew, from that moment, that there was no other way she ever wanted to fall asleep in her lifetime.
Film hummed contentedly against her chest, sending chills up Namtan's spine.
Before she knew it, they were both out for the night, wrapped up in each other.
*
Namtan was not used to waking up so weighed down and anchored to the bed. She found, after several long seconds of blinking and adjusting to the morning glow, Film was not where she left her.
Instead, somehow in the evening, Film's face had buried itself in Namtan's neck, where her lips silently grazed Namtan's skin with every soft, calming breath she took.
Namtan could tell, just by her breathing, that she was soundly asleep, yet her grip around Namtan's body remained steadfast. Namtan ever so slowly turned her head, feeling the dull throb of her poor decisions the night prior. Too much alcohol. She pressed a kiss to Film's head, soft and gentle, so as not to wake her.
She sucked in a breath, and slowly rolled out of Film's grasp, praying it wouldn't wake the angelic looking beauty, hair splayed behind her as she readjusted herself on Namtan's pillow.
Namtan found warmth bubbling in her chest. There was no point in denying it anymore. She was so deeply, madly in love with Film Rachanun. She was in love with everything about her, and she had been, for quite some time.
But she couldn't overwhelm the woman. She couldn't scare her. She knew little of Film's past, but she knew Film was damaged. Film had been hurt so many times that she'd deteriorated into a shell for quite some time. Kapook almost sent her spiraling back into that Film, devoid of emotion, of passion and feeling.
Namtan couldn't come out and say it. But she could ease Film into it. She just needed time, and to be careful. She could do it.
Slipping out of the room, she went about getting some pills for her body, crying out "I told you so" in the form of throbbing headaches and sore limbs.
Film had been worth it.