Heaven on Earth
It’s been almost a week since James’ birthday but it passes like a blur, the tour carries on and everyone is a bit stressed about everything. The girls are distant with everyone but themselves. The three of them seem to be their own safe space right now and no one tries to bother them as it’s not the first time that has happened, but The Sekans don’t know that and yet, they don’t try to disturb them maybe because The Sekans are struggling to find a way to balance how they used to write before Regulus, right now they are keen to involve Regulus in the writing process but no luck yet. And as for The Marauders, they haven’t decided what song to send to their label, they really like ‘Baby, Honey’ but not enough to send it to Dumbledore, so now they have been writing and singing and writing again because nothing fits correctly. They have plenty of ideas but zero good songs.
Meanwhile, the thing with Regulus is growing beautifully. Regulus has been staying at his room almost every night for the past week, they talk a lot about everything, well, almost everything, Sirius is still a touchy topic and James’s been trying to respect that boundary so he avoids saying something related to the older Black. Which let him just say, it’s hard! Most of his life has been Sirius, but James tries. For Regulus he does. They also kiss a lot, they haven’t had realtions again, not because they don’t think about it or want to because there are more than one way to feel pleasure, but they are taking things slow. James can tell Regulus is adapting to the changes that have happened lately, and he is incredibly proud of him because James knows how hard adapting can be.
“What are you thinking about?” Regulus’ voice interrupts his thoughts. They are in bed right now, the show isn’t until tomorrow so they decided to rest all morning and later in the afternoon they will go explore the city with the others. After all, they are in Italy. “You look… I don’t know, happy?” James smiles at Regulus’ confusion. “Oh, you are happy,” Regulus smiles as well. And isn’t that a beautiful smile? Every time Regulus smiles James feels like he’s been blessed. Heaven comes down to Earth and James’ heart might as well explode with everything that smile makes him feel. He may not be wearing his glasses at the moment, but the sight takes his breath away. “Why are you so happy?”
“I’m holding you in the morning, which means you slept here, I can’t get over that. And we are in Italy, love. Why wouldn’t I be happy?” James leans to leave a kiss on Regulus’ cheek. “You, me, Italy. Everything makes sense.”
“You are such a soppy person, why do I even like you?” Regulus rolls his eyes.
“Oh, you like me?” James smiles more (if that is even possible). Regulus abruptly sits down and James is afraid he said something wrong. His smile flickers.
“Baby, if I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t be here,” Regulus says firmly, his smile is now gone, but his eyes (God, his eyes!) are soft. James looks at Regulus, he’s a bit blurry but despite that he can appreciate the way the white sheets make an incredible contrast with Regulus’ skin, he runs his eyes through his body and the black of his hair makes his milky skin stand out, the moles across his body and the grey of his eyes is driving him insane. But what makes James give in, is the light coming through the window behind Regulus outlining his silhouette. He looks like an angel. His very own star. Yup, this is his heaven.
Strange light revolves around you
You float across the room
“Come here,” James doesn’t wait for an answer, just reaches to grab Regulus’ waist and pulls him down with him. Somehow, he manages to make Regulus lay on top of him and the younger one puts each knee on the sides of his hips and he is straddling him and- fuck. He is not a strong man. “Jesus, Regulus, you are going to kill me,” James caresses his hips with his thumbs.
And then, Regulus has the audacity to roll his hips. “Am I, mon soleil?”
“Fuck, Reg,” James closes his eyes and squeezes Regulus’ waist. “We have plans, love,” he tries to prove some point, he thinks because he can’t really tell why, not when Regulus won’t stop rolling his hips.
“Yeah, and I have mine,” Regulus leans to kiss James’ neck.
“Well, if you say it like that…” James closes his eyes and meets Regulus’ movement with his own hips, earning a soft whimper from the other. “You are so perfect, Reg, so fucking perfect,” he says against Regulus’ ear. “Can’t believe I have you right now, love,” Regulus’ head is now just resting against his shoulder, his hips still moving and the sounds keep coming. The sounds are lovely, but the sight of Regulus looking for more pleasure with the friction he creates while riding him… James is a lucky man.
“James…”
“JAMES!” They hear Sirius burst in the room. “I have an- Jesus fucking Christ!” James doesn’t think about it, not really, he just… acts. He throws Regulus to the side of the bed, but Regulus doesn’t manage to land properly on the side of the bed and ends up falling to the floor. “Regulus? Are you alright?” Sirius is the first to act, he goes straight to his brother and James barely realises what is going on until Sirius is helping Regulus stand up.
“I was,” Regulus answers with a bite on his tone. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, I wanted to talk to James about a song idea Moons and I got, but I can come back later…”
“Don’t be ridiculous, you killed the mood already,” Regulus starts moving around, collecting his phone, wallet and one of James’ shirts. “I’ll go to Barty’s room, talk about whatever,” he moves his hand while he talks just to put it on the bed and rest his weight on it so he can be closer to James. “I’ll see you in a bit, baby,” he says and then kisses him on the lips. James will never get over the feeling he gets when Regulus does things like that.
But the kiss doesn’t last as much as he would want to because Regulus leaves (doing everything in his power to avoid touching or looking at Sirius) and when James turns to look at Sirius, his friend has an expression that makes James burst into laughter.
“Please, for my sake, do not ever kiss my brother in front of me ever again, alright?” Sirius says with the same expression, he looks so disgusted it makes James laugh more.
“I cannot promise that, I want to kiss him all the time,” James shrugs.
“God, no,” Sirius groans and lets himself drop in the bed. “That is so weird, Prongs!” His voice sounds muffled by the sheets. “He is my little brother!”
“I know, Pads… I like your little brother,” James says, because he can, it’s true and also to bother Sirius even more.
Sirius rolls so he can just be facing James, “Now you’re just doing it on purpose.”
“Yes, I am.”
“You are being rude with me, I’m going to tell Moony,” Sirius pouts and as if they were calling him, Remus enters James’ room.
“What did you do to Regulus? I just saw him in the hall and he looked flushed but angry,” Remus points and looks outside the room as he walks in, but when he looks at them his face changes completely and he looks done. “You two are manaces,” Remus shakes his head but still sits at the edge of the bed right next to Sirius.
“It’s a gift,” James and Sirius say at the same time.
“More like a curse,” Remus rolls his eyes.
“Those two? Yes,” Peter says as he walks towards them, none of them heard when he entered the room. “What did you want to talk about that was so urgent?” He asks Sirius. “You’re lucky I was awake when you texted me,” Peter drops himself on the bed, next to James.
“You texted him? You could’ve texted me and we could’ve avoided everything with Regulus,” James frowns. Sirius just stares at him. And stares. And stares. “Oh, you did, didn’t you?”
“Of course I did, Prongs. Even Moony did,” Sirius rolls their eyes.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay. The reason we are here is because I was thinking about the songs we could send Albus and the next album in general,” they all nod, listening to Sirius talk. “I- uhm, if I’m being completely honest, with Regulus being here I haven’t been able to focus on anything else but the whole situation and that’s what my writing always ends up being, I even end up rewriting songs I wrote years ago. So,” he exhales. “Maybe we could sing songs we’ve written before but didn’t make the cut or we never showed to each other, as well as current songs. Something from the past and the present, because quite frankly that’s how I feel right now. A bit stuck in between both,” Sirius finishes talking and Remus just looks at him, obviously he already knows all of this, James can tell.
“Songs about what? What is our aim here?” Pete asks. James wants to know the same.
“Well, I was thinking it could be a more mature, in-depth album, you know? A different sound but still us.”
Peter seems to think about it, Remus is clearly already on board with this (James doubts Remus would ever be against something Sirius says). And then there’s him, he likes the idea of bringing songs they’ve written before, but he also has so much inspiration right now, maybe he could read his notebook and look for some songs that have potential.
Back then, all of the songs he wrote were about Sirius (naturally), being away from home and embracing all the fame, Lily (obviously) and the guy he met in Paris. So much has changed since then but at the same time it is like the past caught up with the present and now it’s just one of the same. James totally understands Sirius’ point.
“Okay, I’m in. The idea of this album being a bit raw and mature, I like that,” James agrees.
“Great!” Sirius smiles as if he’s relieved James accepted. And just like Remus, James doubts there’s something Sirius can say that he wouldn’t accept. “Wormy?” The three turn to look at Peter.
“I’m not sure I can write about the same stuff like you guys,” he says and they all understand. Regulus. Without knowing, Sirius and James wrote about the same person for a while, which sounds odd considering he’s Padfoot’s brother. “But I do like the idea of making a more mature album, in sound and lyrics. I’m in,” Peter smiles.
“Yes!” Sirius claps their hands and stands up. “Now, the ugly part is, we need the songs by tomorrow according to the text Prongs got from Albus,” Sirius grimaces and James feels… awkward and ashamed for some reason. “I’m afraid we have to cancel our day with the rest.”
That makes him feel anxious and sad. He was so looking forward to spending the day with Reg in Milan, taking pictures of him and just being near him. When did he reach this point? Where not being near the other man makes him feel so bloody anxious?
“I’m sorry, guys,” Sirius says.
“No, we get it, Pads,” Peter shrugs. And they do, but James still feels down. “We should get breakfast with them at least to tell them that we can’t go and then start working on the songs.”
“Yeah, we could brainstorm and everything after breakfast,” Remus says and all James does is nod along. Somehow, he is grieving a day he didn’t get to live because of his work.
James agrees, obviously, then his friends leave the room just as he texts Regulus that he’ll see him at breakfast and then he just stays sitting on the edge of his bed, looking at the ground in front of him. This is common, he thinks, the feeling of nothing but everything at the same time. His mind is going places and most of the time this happens, he has no idea what places it’s going, the thoughts just flow with no particular path. Time stops existing, it’s only him, his thoughts and numbness, because that’s it, isn’t it? What he feels, or more likely, what he doesn’t feel. His thoughts and feelings are fighting and the first one is winning.
He has no idea how long he has been sitting there, has no idea what is the conclusion of his own thoughts, but suddenly he hears the door of his room opening… it’s still not enough for him to move.
“James?” That’s all it takes.
“Hi, love,” James moves.
“What are you still doing here?” Regulus sits beside him, close enough so he can put his hand on James’ thigh.
“Just thinking,” James says, what was he thinking? Maybe he can’t remember but he knows he was thinking.
It's hard to be a human
So much to put an answer to
“Alright,” Regulus says softly. “Everyone is downstairs, do you want to get ready and come?”
“I may need to shower,” James smiles at the man next to him. Reg is so beautiful. “But you go on, I’ll be there in a few minutes,” he stands up and leans to kiss Regulus. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
The shower is a bliss, it really helps him gather himself and regain control of his thoughts… and also he feels fresher. He really needed this, but he already wasted time so he doesn’t take too long, he just gets out and puts a towel around his waist not even bothering to dry the rest of his body.
“Oh,” James jumps as he realises Regulus is resting on his bed. “You made my waiting worth it,” Regulus smiles at him… or at his body.
“Didn’t know you were waiting,” James says, almost apologising.
“Of course I was, baby,” his star frowns. “Now, come here and give me a kiss, maybe we could end what was interrupted,” Regulus holds a hand up so James can take it, who does it without hesitation. James makes the mistake of underestimating Regulus’ strength because as soon as their hands are intertwined, he pushes James into bed, landing on top of Regulus, a bit awkward landing if he is honest.
“Regulus… the towel,” he whispers, the towel all long forgotten on the floor.
“Don’t care,” the man whispers back and kisses James. He tries to make himself more comfortable on top of Regulus. “Send your friends a text to tell them that we will take our time, I don’t want anyone to interrupt.”
“Star, I want to, but we,” Regulus starts kissing his neck. “Fuck. We can’t-”
“We can’t?” Regulus stops and pulls back.
“I mean, my friends and I, we can’t go out today, we have to send the songs to Dumbledore,” James explains and he feels exposed, he’s talking about work while naked on top of the man he likes.
“You’re not going with us?” Regulus asks.
“No, I’m afraid I’m not. We were going to tell you all at breakfast.”
“Okay,” Regulus’ hands go to James’ hair and start stroking it which makes him feel lighter, but Regulus seems to be thinking something. “Okay,” he says again after a couple of seconds. “We have options where to choose right now. First, we can go downstairs and eat breakfast. Second, we make this quick but so,” he gets closer to James’ ear. “So worth it,” he whispers and James feels like he might’ve whimpered, Regulus pulls away but not so much. “Third, we go have breakfast and I stay with you all day, keeping you company. You choose.”
“You’re such a tease, Star.”
“I’m just giving you choices,” he whispers and James wants nothing more than to stay in this bed with Regulus who is just now kissing his neck.
“What if,” James’ tone changes, more demanding. If Regulus wants to play, he can play. “We stay here right now, make it worth it as you say, then you go have fun in the city and come back to me? How does that sound, Star?”
“Yes, fuck. Yes. Please, Jamie.”
“Alright, love, stay there.”
James gets up to get his phone and text Remus, telling him he will stay in his room with his- with Regulus and to keep Sirius entertained so he won’t interrupt them again. When he turns to see Regulus again, he is still in bed but with his left forearm covering his eyes.
“Are you alright, love?”
“James. You are naked right now and you ask me if I’m alright?” Regulus asks, offended.
“Sorry, do you want me to get dressed?”
“Don’t you fucking dare,” Regulus moves to get closer to him by crawling to the edge of the bed. “You’re infuriatingly perfect, baby.”
James gets closer to his star and kisses him as he climbs on the bed and pushes Regulus back again into the mattress. Regulus hums as he opens his legs to make space for James. The kiss is slow but heated. James’ hands took the liberty to explore all of Regulus’ body. He’s so perfect. It amazes James the way Regulus’ lips fit so perfectly with his, the way their tongues brush now and then, the way the space between Regulus’ legs is so welcoming for James. Everything in this kiss makes James feel alive, he believes he could do this all his life until there’s nothing left of him.
I believe, I believe I could die in your kiss.
In the end it doesn’t take long for James to take Regulus’ clothes off. Any other time he’d have taken his time, but right now he just wants to feel the warmth of his skin and enjoy the way Regulus’ body reacts to his touch. The movements he makes as James kisses his neck, God, he’s so receptive.
But Regulus doesn’t stay behind, he also touches James and it’s clear he enjoys it, every now and then he smirks because of the way James’ eyes threaten to close just for the mere pleasure of knowing who’s making him feel like this is a precious star.
Honestly, James is dying to feel Regulus again, he has for a while now, but that doesn’t mean he won’t do it right and enjoyable for Regulus, so he starts slowly, watching the way his eyes close and his mouth opens a bit with every thrust he makes.
That continues until Regulus opens his eyes and intertwines his fingers in the back of James’ neck, bringing him down.
“James, I like this, but we don’t have much time,” Regulus kisses him. “Go faster,” he kisses him again. “I can take it, mon soleil.”
“You’re something else, love.”
And who is James to deny anything to his star? Of course he goes faster and the sounds Regulus is making is… yeah, this is going to end fast for both of them.
“You sound so beautiful, Reg,” James manages to say in between a kiss and it only makes Regulus moan more. “I love how you sound.”
And just as James predicted, neither of them last long, but they really don’t mind because as Regulus said, they made it so, so worthy. They stay in bed for a few minutes panting and kissing. Then Regulus is resting his head on James’ chest, tracing figures in his chest and abdomen. Sex is great (well, better than great actually), but what he is feeling right now is a different kind of intimacy and James could do this everyday and every night.
I'm having revelations, beyond infatuation.
“That was…” Regulus breaks the silence. “I don’t even have the word to describe it, baby.”
“I get it. Only you would make me feel like that, Reg.”
“Only me?” Regulus doesn’t turn to see him but the traces stop.
“Yeah, love. Don’t you get what you make me feel?” James can tell Regulus is overthinking the question because he remains silenced. “Star,” he moves a little so he can see Regulus, but the man is looking down at his chest, so James lifts his chin with two fingers and Regulus lets him. “You make me feel everything.”
“James-”
“One day, Regulus Black, you’re going to be my boyfriend,” James declares and honestly, he has no idea where he got such confidence, he just knows that it is true. He didn’t even realise that is something he wanted as much as he does until now. “In fact, be my boyfriend, Reg. Let me be your boyfriend,” James holds Regulus’ hands and he laughs when he sees the panic in the other man’s eyes.
God only knows where this could go.
“James, we barely know each other, I-”
“I do know you, love,” James interrupts whatever he was going to say, because it is absurd. He does know Regulus. He feels he’s known him his whole life, maybe even before that.
“What’s my favourite colour?”
“I don’t think that’s a valid argument to make here. I know you, Regulus, maybe I don’t know your favourite colour but I don’t think I even know Remus’ favourite colour, that doesn’t mean I don’t know him,” Regulus just looks at him, he is thinking what to say to win this. “Besides, it probably is black or some shade of dark green, hmm, maybe even dark blue. Yeah I can totally see you liking dark blue.”
Regulus stays silent.
James knew he wanted Regulus, but to be honest, he never stopped to think how much he wanted him, to stop and process what it is that he is feeling. And now that he does, he feels too much for this man, he has for years with just that night in Paris, but now, it’s going to be almost a month of spending nearly everyday together and seeing him, talking to him. Yeah, it hasn’t been great or constant, but James’ feelings only grew stronger. Every time he looks at Regulus is like looking at a bright star, a light that feels warm in his skin and inviting, a light to guide him on a path to somewhere he still doesn’t know but the warmth of its light makes him feel safe to follow. He wants to follow. He wants everything Regulus will offer him, he will take anything, just as long as James gets to be close to his Star.
James believes he’s never felt this way about someone so soon, even now he’s still pushing the feeling away, refusing to fully accept that he’s falling for Regulus because, come on, it’s bloody scary to feel this way for someone. To be willing to do anything they ask for. To be ready to give up everything if that’s what they want. Just for them. Just for Regulus.
“It is black,” Regulus speaks after a couple of minutes. “And dark green, you idiot,” he rolls his eyes as James smiles. “It’s not that I don’t want to be with you, soleil,” Regulus says softly, almost in a whisper, James doesn’t even have to search for his eyes because his voice alone lets him know what he is feeling. Right now, Regulus sounds small and conflicted. “I don’t know how to be with you, James. I don’t know how to allow myself to just be with you.”
“Why wouldn’t you allow yourself that? If it is what you want,” James only wants to understand him better to know where to move from there.
“You must understand that where I grew up, being a boy and liking boys was not well seen. I grew up with comments about how perverted and wrong it was, so admiring I like men was a huge step for me and then allowing myself to be in a relationship with one was another thing,” Regulus makes a pause. “The last relationship I had wasn’t good, not even Evan liked him and Evan likes everyone. He wasn’t a nice man, to say the least,” Regulus chuckles but James doubts there’s something funny. “Then you come along and show me nice. You make me feel like I deserve all these good things, deserve you.”
Unfortunately, James can imagine and somehow understand the way that Regulus grew up, being Sirius’ best friend for over a decade meant knowing the family they grew up with. To say James despised their parents was kind and an understatement, not even hate could compare to what James felt for them. And that was just with what Sirius had told him, now with Regulus… let’s say Walburga and Orion should be thankful James has never met them in person.
“Star, you deserve so much. I’m not even talking about me, but you deserve everything good this life has to offer just because you are you. Who you like doesn’t determine what you deserve,” James says and it truly breaks his heart that people out there made him feel like this. “Whoever you dated last, there’s a reason you left him. You have to have nice things, Regulus. Nothing less.”
“I know I’ve already met your mother, but I really wish I could thank her for creating you,” uh- what? James can’t help but laugh at this. Regulus is being serious but please that was so funny to James. “You are something else, James Potter,” Regulus says adoringly making James melt. “How was I so lucky to have met you?”
“Oh, love, the lucky one is me,” James ducks to kiss Regulus and the man lets him. Just like that.
“Let me think about it,” Regulus says after the kiss. “I want to make things right with you and me. I want you like I've never wanted anyone before. I fancy you. But I need to think things through,” Regulus raises his hand and starts caressing James’ cheek, he closes his eyes at the touch.
“Take all the time you need, Reg. I will wait,” James says still with his eyes closed. “You’re worth waiting for, and everything in me tells me that this,” he opens his eyes and looks at Regulus, then gestures at both of them with his hand. “Us? There’s only one way it will end and it’s not apart,” he didn’t realise he was whispering until Regulus responded in the same tone.
“Okay, I believe you, baby.”
Even if our love starts to grow out of control, and you and me go up in flames… Heaven won't be the same.