Shattered to dust
2013
Brother,
You are invited to my fifteenth birthday. Mother won’t be there, please come.
-RAB.
Sirius isn’t sure what to expect from the invitation. He is holding it on his shaking hand and just stares at it, it is handwritten by Regulus so he knows it is not a plan from their mother to go back to Grimmauld, besides there’s a different address on the back of it. Still, it is suspicious that she is not going to be on his perfect child's birthday. He can’t help but roll his eyes at the thought. Walburga was always different with Regulus, she would give him anything he would ask, she was unbearably proud of the younger one. Sirius used to be glad it was that way because that meant Regulus wouldn’t get hurt. But now? God, now it makes him sick on his stomach. Because perfect Regulus Black chose them.
When Regulus was born Sirius knew he got a best friend for life, he may have been little and had no real consciousness about what was going on around him, but deep down he knew it wasn’t a good life he just couldn’t put it into words. But he just saw his little brother and suddenly life had meaning. Sirius remembers how tiny he was, how Regulus’ hand clenched into his finger, the way he would scrunch his face and then start crying, he remembers Walburga taking him away from him and Sirius fighting to let him see his baby brother.
Probably Regulus was his first real memory.
Sirius watched his brother’s first steps; Sirius was doing some house work their mother had asked and he left Regulus sitting in the corner of the room and suddenly he saw a movement on his side and there he was, Regulus walking for the first time towards Sirius. And when his mother arrived home (because of course she wasn’t at home, she never was) Sirius was so excited to tell her the news and all she asked was if he finished what she asked for, when he said no… Well, it wasn’t the first time his mother screamed at him. It led to Regulus crying, which Sirius inevitably took care of.
Then they grew older, Regulus and Sirius would spent nights talking until one of them fell asleep, they would talk about anything, imagine a different life where there were no bruises or screams, where they could be free of eating anything they want as much as they want, where they could be able to say ‘I love you’ to the other without their mother telling them that that wasn’t manly enough.
Either way, Regulus and Sirius found a way of saying those three words in their own way, sometimes Sirius would squeeze three times his brother’s shoulder while passing next to him and Regulus would know what it meant. Or Regulus would lift three fingers in a way that it is discreet but able for Sirius to see. They would write notes and leave it in each other’s room, that one was less common because it was riskier, but they still did it whenever they felt that the other needed it more. To be honest, Sirius has a lot more notes from Regulus than his brother from him, he guesses it’s because Sirius would take more blame and that was Regulus’ way of saying his sorry. Still, Sirius used to treasure those notes.
Used to.
When Sirius started attending Hogwarts School, Regulus grew distant and, he won’t lie, it killed him inside because that was his best friend, his little brother. Regulus was being homeschooled despite him wanting to attend Hogwarts as well (but as always, Walburga didn’t care about what her sons wanted, only what she wanted). Everyday Sirius came back from school, he would tell Regulus about the friends he is making and all of what he learnt in school that day and Regulus would sit nodding and asking things as if Sirius had the answer to all questions.
He loved it, going to Hogwarts, he absolutely loved it. Meeting James quite literally changed his life. When he first saw James all he could think was that his parents probably didn’t love him if they let him go to school with his hair like that (later he knew how wrong he was). James had big eyes full of love for everyone he ever met, Sirius envied that because he felt something was rotten inside him because the only person he seemed to love was his brother and it made him feel odd, because James would talk about his mum with so much love and how his dad is always around. Sirius’ father was never at home, he was always travelling and running the family’s company. He was jealous as well, because James never had any bruises on his skin and James touched as if he didn't know that touch can also cause pain.
Then he met Peter and Remus, they changed his life as well. The four of them quickly became best friends and it amazes Sirius because they couldn’t be more different, somehow that is why they work as friends. Peter makes him laugh so much until his stomach aches and has to gasp for air. And Remus- well. Remus changed him, not in the way James did, but the way Remus did was to bring him hope, he really likes the way his friend grounds him and everyone on their friend group, sometimes he will need someone to tell him things as they are and not as he is imagining them and that someone is Remus.
When he was with his friends he would often forget the darkness that has surrounded him throughout his life, he would forget the bad and embrace the good that his friends bring. Unfortunately, that included Reggie. Because as much as he loves his brother, he was involved in the bad of the home they shared. So he would avoid talking about him with his friends, sometimes a comment would slip because Regulus is a big part of his life and not everything was bad with him.
At least not until his little brother decided to leave. Leave him. Leave him alone with Walburga and Orion.
His brother who Sirius did everything in his power to protect from their parents. His brother who Sirius loved more than anything in the world. His brother who was his best friend. His brother, who was the reason he kept going. His brother. Regulus decided to leave him . When Regulus turned eleven, he chose to study abroad in Beauxbatons Academy in France. Another country, far from his older brother. Away from Sirius. Since then he would only see his little brother when he came back for the winter holidays and summer, they would talk but even that would be rare. Even when Sirius knew Walburga was on the phone with his brother, she would shake her head and say no, meaning that Regulus didn’t want to talk to him. Sirius wondered what he had done wrong.
So while Regulus only came home two times a year and endured their parents for the months he stayed home, Sirius had to go back every single day after school, listen to Walburga complain about things he’s done or hasn’t even done and then compare him to Regulus who is just so perfect. The perfect son who gets amazing notes (so does Sirius but she never really cared to ask). After Regulus left, their mother would not shut up about how Sirius should be more like his brother, that he should listen to her like Regulus does, be respectful towards her and their father and be as smart as Regulus is. Everything was about the perfect Regulus Black.
Sirius had become the disappointment of the house and with that he became the main target of his mother's anger, meaning he would have more bruises on his body and he would ache more than before, making James notice the way he would wince everytime his friends dropped an arm around his shoulders or made any kind of physical contact. The moment James decided to confront him Sirius felt so embarrassed and ashamed, he can’t tell why, but the fact that James of all people noticed made him feel dirty even. Of course, James was kind about it, he was so worried he had to involve his parents; that’s how he met Euphemia and Fleamont Potter. Practically his saviours.
The first time he went to the Potter’s house he was so nervous to meet James’ parents because at the end of the day they were parents and his experience with his own parents wasn’t that great. Imagine his surprise when Euphemia welcomed him with open arms and it meant a hug not a punishment. They welcomed him with so much love just for the fact that he was their son’s best friend. After that, he started going more to James’ house because it felt so bright, there were plants everywhere (Effie’s very proud of them) and so much laughter all the time, but more than anything he felt welcomed and loved there. Sometimes he would lie to his mother and tell her that he needed to do some studying or a project at school but instead go to the Potter’s house, till this day he wonders if his mother truly believed him or just didn’t care where he was enough to fight with him.
It was until a year ago when everything changed for him, for the best thankfully. Sirius had enough, with a lot of talks with Prongs and his family, even a couple with Moony and Wormtail, he realised that he deserved better than to have been left alone in a house to die at the hand of his own mother. That’s how one night he decided to leave, he packed his things, at least the essential stuff, meaningful things and called a taxi and gave the driver the Potter’s address and they welcomed him as if he was one more of them. He was still underage which meant Walburga and Orion still had legal power over him, but Euphemia and Fleamont took care of all that and he doubts his mother really cared if he was still at the house or not, more than anything it was her ego what made her ‘fight’ for him. At least she still has the perfect son.
If he’s being completely honest he resents his brother so much, he gave so much up for him and his well being. Talking with Effie she told him that it wasn’t his job to do in the first place, it was their mother and father’s job, but how could Sirius not do it when their parents failed completely to do so? He had to do something to keep Regulus safe and happy and enjoy life as much as he could.
And still, it wasn’t enough.
When Regulus left he didn’t even say goodbye, he didn’t tell him he was leaving. Their mother told him until Regulus was already on his way to France, he left while Sirius was at school. He remembered walking into their house and going upstairs to see Reggie just to find an empty room, all his mother said was: “Regulus decided to leave this morning to Beauxbatons Academy. You won’t see him until December.”
Sometimes what hurts Sirius the most is not that he left, is that Regulus never said goodbye.
Sirius only saw his little brother two times a year and last year he didn’t come for the summer, that was his last straw. It was last summer when he ran away, what was the reason to still be there if the only person he cared for wasn’t going to be there? According to his mother, Regulus wanted to stay and take some extra classes. So fucking be it. To be perfect for Walburga is more important to him than coming back home, it’s alright. That is the choice Regulus took, leaving that house was Sirius’ choice.
That’s why his hands are trembling right now while holding the invitation his little brother sent him. He’s feeling so much sadness along with anger. Sirius wants to rip the invitation apart but also treasure it because Regulus wrote it.
Should he get him a present? Or bring something? It is a party, right? Sirius hasn’t seen Regulus in a year and it still feels like a lifetime, despite Regulus going away, he still saw his brother, until that summer. Maybe Sirius should buy him a gift. Or not.
Should he even go?
“Pads, are you alright?” Remus finds him (still shaking) outside in the background of the Potter’s house- his house too now. They are having a Christmas dinner two days before the actual day because Lily is going back to Ireland for the week and Remus is visiting his sisters and mother. “You’re shaking, are you cold? You should come inside, the girls will arrive soon,” he says. Sirius thinks if he is shaking because of the cold or because of the note he’s holding as if his life depends on it, which to him, it might be. “Why are you out here anyway?” Remus asks and there’s a bit of concern on his tone. Sirius knows he is worrying his best friend, but he can’t tear his eyes away from the signature on the note. RAB . Regulus Arcturus Black. His little brother. “Sirius, what is it?” He asks firmly and only then does Sirius look at him. “Oh, what happened?” Sirius tilts his head. Moony seems to understand the question as he says, “Your nose is red and you have a few tears on your cheeks, you get red when you cry, Padfoot,” he explains.
Was he crying?
He touches his face and- oh, he is crying. He lets out a sob he was suppressing and in less than a second Remus is holding him in his arms. Sirius wants to be embarrassed that Remus (of all people) is the one watching him break down, he thinks it should be easier with James but surprisingly, he doubts it. It is incredibly easy to let himself cry on Remus’ chest, he just lets it all out. He doesn’t even care that he’s getting Moony’s clothes wet. All he can think of is all the damage that has been done to him and how much he has missed Regulus and how much he’s mad at him, is this who they are now?
Remus holds him tight but not so much to make him feel trapped, just enough to make him feel safe and he does. Remus is touching his back and making circles with his hand and that’s soothing him so much, every passing minute he is able to regain control of his breathing and with that decrease the amount of tears he’s dropping. Distantly, he can hear Remus saying something to help him calm as well as making noises to ease the crying (like shushing).
“Do you feel better?” Moony asks and something about the way he asked that makes Sirius feel so grateful, it wasn’t ‘are you better’, because no, he is not, he doubts he will. But he does feel better, lighter even.
“Yeah, thank you,” Sirius says, but neither of them are letting go of the other. Remus is warm and Sirius has now realised that he is in fact cold, freezing even. “That was… embarrassing,” Sirius lets go of Remus first and the taller one hesitates before doing the same with Sirius.
“It was, yeah,” Remus says and it makes Sirius chuckle a bit. “No, it wasn’t, Sirius. Do you wanna talk about it?” Does he?
“I’m not sure if I want to, but I feel like if I don’t I will explode,” Sirius nods to himself, then he hands Remus the note and he takes it confused.
“Who’s R-A-B?” He asks.
“My brother,” Sirius decides on telling him the truth because what is the point of lying? “I know I don’t talk about him,” he says the moment he catches Remus’ surprised look. “He left-” me, he thinks. “Before he was supposed to start school at Hogwarts, he left to attend Beauxbatons Academy,” he explains.
“Isn’t that in-”
“Yes, France. He left while I was at school. You know how the first years on the first day have the ceremony a little later than the actual classes? Well, I thought he was getting ready for the ceremony, he wasn’t. He was packing his things to leave,” Sirius sighs. He remembers leaving school that afternoon excited to ask his brother which house he got in only to be left disappointed. Remus doesn’t ask anything else but Sirius continues talking, experiencing what some would call a cathartic talk. “He never said anything about wanting to leave and he never said goodbye, that’s the moment our relationship started to crack a bit, I think," he wrinkles his nose at the thought. "He would only come back for the winter holidays and summer. I would go back to my house everyday after school and endure my mother. It wasn’t easy,” he chuckles but there’s nothing funny there. “Until last year, he never came home for the summer. I waited two weeks and when I asked my mother she said that he wanted to stay there. That's what I needed to leave…” Sirius feels tears forming in his eyes and shut them in a way that almost hurts. “I mean, I was left first, right?” He gives Remus a (sad) smile. “Anyway, he’s inviting me to his birthday, it’s in five days and… I don’t know what to do, Moony.”
Remus seems to think about it, he digests all the information that Sirius dropped on him and just thinks. Sirius finds out that he really wants to know his opinion as someone who has siblings and because it’s Remus, Sirius will always want to know what he thinks.
“I think you should go, it says that your mother won’t be there, so maybe you can give it a try,” he shrugs as if it was that simple. “But you also have a few days to think about it. Enjoy these days and then you’ll decide,” he continues and lays a hand on his leg. “And remember whatever you decide it’s alright and more important do it for you,” he squeezes his leg, then taps it and gets up. “Come on now,” Remus signals the door with his head. “Lets get inside, maybe you can splash your face with some water, you’re a bit pink and your nose still red,” Moony smiles and Sirius forgets how to breathe.
That’s a problem for another time.
When he’s inside he goes straight to the loo and does exactly what Remus said: splash his face with some water. He has no idea why that should work but trust his friend and surprisingly it works. His nose doesn’t look red anymore, more like a soft pink, almost as if it was just the cold from outside.
He makes a mental note to trust Moony more often.
“Hey, mate,” James says once he’s out. “Do you think Lily will like the dinner? I know she doesn’t eat a lot of meat so I asked mum what I should do,” he starts talking faster than anyone would understand, Sirius does, understand that’s it. He has a way of understanding James like he understands himself (actually, sometimes he understands James more than he does to himself).
“She’ll like it, don’t worry too much about it,” Sirius eases his friend as he lets his hand drop on James’ shoulder.
“And what about my jumper?” James asks and he continues to ask things like that to Sirius until Lily, Marlene and Mary arrive. It should be annoying but it’s distracting and soon enough he’s not thinking as much as he was about the note that he feels it’s burning the back pocket of his jeans.
Sirius thinks about it now and then, unconsciously he reaches for it and once he feels it he retracts his fingers as if it was made of fire.
After they had dinner, they gathered in the lounge. James somehow manages to sit next to Lily, unfortunately for his friend, Marlene is on the other side of Lily so she is ignoring James’ presence next to her and is engaged in a conversation with the blonde one, still, judging by James’ face he will call it a win. Peter is talking with Mary about something both are very excited about which leaves Remus and Sirius sitting together. They are not really talking, just watching their friends next to the huge Christmas tree the Potter’s put every year. Sirius knows that Remus is trying to treasure this moment as much as him and that overwhelms him. The reason? Unknown to Sirius. But he decides to get up and go to the kitchen, claiming that he’ll make hot chocolate.
“I’ll help you,” Remus gets up as well following Sirius and he wants to make a tantrum because he got up to get away from the overwhelming feeling just for him to follow.
The way they work in the kitchen is like two magnets trying hard to be close but being on the wrong end so they won’t ever touch each other. It’s like they’ve always worked. Nevertheless, Sirius grabs everything he needs for the chocolate and while doing that he reaches for his back pocket again. They have to wait a couple of minutes for the chocolate to be hot, so Sirius just leans into the counter and sighs, he feels incredibly tired and he knows it’s the emotional breakdown he had earlier, but his back is aching. Everything is aching.
It really takes him by surprise the moment he feels something reaching his back pocket at the same time he was going to, he’s more surprised when he realised it’s Moony grabbing the note. He did it so casually, like it’s something he’s used to doing.
“I’ll hold onto it until the twenty seventh,” Remus says, he’s not asking. “You’ve been reaching for it all night, Pafoot. It’s going to drive me insane as well. When you need it, you can tell me, alright?” Sirius nods. “Now come on, let’s get the chocolate to them.”
It’s on Boxing Day when he asks Remus to give him the note back. He hasn’t decided anything but he really wants to have the note, stare at it for a while and wonder about Regulus. It’s been a little more than a year since he last saw his little brother and for a reason, Sirius feels like it’s been a lifetime. Since the last time he saw Reggie, he’s eaten as much as he wants without someone yelling at him, he’s stayed up late watching movies alone or with James, he’s broken a vase and no one screamed or hit him because of it. He feels lighter than before. But he’s still the same. He’s never going to change that voice in his head telling him nothing that he ever does is enough.
He wonders how Regulus is doing.
The morning of the twenty seventh he decides he has to buy a present. It’s only fitting, he can’t arrive to a birthday without a present, Effie would kill him. Sirius shamefully asks Monty for a bit of money, when he asks what for (he really just asks “What for, Sirius?” while tapping on his computer) Sirius ends up confessing everything to him, which leads to him tearing up and in that moment Effie walks in and as every woman who is a- good- mother, she worries about others, so she hugs him and asks if there’s something she can do. Not asking what’s the problem, just how to fix it. Sirius ends up telling her what is going on and the adults agree on taking him to buy the gift, while James stays in with Remus who are still in their rooms as Remus stayed because it was better than going back to Wales with his grandma, besides Sirius woke up extremely early. They also agree on dropping him off in the location Regulus wrote.
This moment is one of those where you feel like you are living on the outside of your body. You are not you and what you are feeling is so foreign that you struggle to identify if it is actually real . Maybe it’s your unconscious self that’s trying to protect you from the intense emotions taking over you. And oh boy, how much is Sirius feeling. You name it; anxiety, happiness, sadness, anger, regret, excitement… He has it all.
He’s going to see Regulus.
“Remember, if anything happens don’t hesitate to call us, Sirius,” Effie says, her body facing the back seats of the car where Sirius is sitting staring at the door of the location the note had.
“Just call us and we will come, alright?” Monty says, mirroring his wife in the way his body is facing him. It shouldn’t be so overwhelming, but to Sirius it is because in all honesty, he never had two adults caring for him the way the Potter’s are doing and have been doing since he ran away.
“Thank you,” Sirius tells them truthfully, he means that with his soul and it’s more than just dropping him off. Somehow, they seem to know that.
“Always,” Effie smiles at him and Monty nods. That’s all he needs to get out of the car and walk towards the door, he turns to look at the car knowing it will still be there and James’ parents smile at him, encouraging him.
He knocks.
He waits.
He feels.
Sirius doesn’t have to wait long because Regulus opens the door.
“Reggie,” he whispers. And yes, there’s so much resentment in his heart, but the love he’s felt for seventeen years for the boy in front of him will always overcome it. Naturally and maybe out of mere impulse, he hugs his little brother.
His little brother hugs him back.
“You came,” Regulus’ tone sounds shocked and in awe, Sirius loves it as much as he hates it. They weren’t like that.
“You called,” he distances himself from Regulus and takes a look at his brother. He has short hair but long enough to notice the curls.
“Come in,” Regulus moves aside to let Sirius in. He does, for some inexplicable reason he knows there’s no danger (cough, Walburga, cough) inside, so the steps he takes are confident.
“How-” he starts saying but he gets interrupted.
“It’s Narcissa’s place, she owed me one so she let me borrow it for the week,” Regulus explains and still it leaves him with so many questions. Regulus leads him to the living room and everything is so fancy and stiff, there’s a lack of colour and that makes him feel uneasy. “Sit, I’ll make us something to eat,” his little brother says and Sirius was midway sitting when he straightens.
“What?”
“Uh, I’ll make us something to eat?” Regulus repeats with confusion.
“You didn’t ask for someone to bring food?” Don’t get him wrong, Sirius isn’t trying to be mean or anything, but the Black’s never cook, they have cooks.
“Didn’t see the point as it’s just the two of us,” the younger one just shrugs and goes to the kitchen, Sirius follows him.
“Just the two of us?”
“Yeah, that’s what I said,” Regulus says as he takes some things out of the fridge and a pan from the cabinets. There’s some bite on the sentence.
“Why?”
“I wanted to see you, thought my birthday would be incentive enough to make you come,” Regulus turns on the stove, puts some oil on the pan and lets it get warm. It hits him then that if he hadn't come Reggie probably would've spent his birthday by alone.
“I would’ve come any other day,” Sirius says.
“Would you?” Regulus looks at him with a raised brow and, okay, valid. “I wasn’t even sure you were going to come today,” he sighs and drops the beef on the pan.
“So, it’s just the two of us today,” Sirius nods. It’s been ages since that last happened, at least seven or eight years. “I like that,” he says more to himself.
Regulus smiles a bit, “yeah, me too.”
“What are you making?” Sirius asks and stares at the stove. Oh. “Burgers?” That’s a bit odd, considering the way they were raised and the parents they share.
“Yeah, a friend taught me how to make them. Actually, he taught me how to cook a lot of things. I must say, it’s quite useful when you get tired of the same food everyday.”
Sirius isn’t sure how to feel about that, for now he just lets it slide.
The day goes by in a blink of an eye, they eat their burgers (which he must say were delicious), then Regulus takes a bag full of candy and they look at each other with mischief in their eyes, like they are children again.
There’s no candy left after an hour.
They’ve been talking all the time, about memories and the way they are scared to death of Bellatrix and can’t believe someone like Andromeda is her older sister, as well as how Narcissa might be scarier than Bella, because you never know what she’s actually think, she is cunning meaning she could be planning on taking over the world and get away with it, while Bellatrix is impulsive and that is a disadvantage she has.
They always avoid talking about what’s really important. Sirius is having such a great time with Regulus that is doing everything in his power to not ruin the moment with unnecessary feelings. He hasn’t felt this complete in such a long time, if Regulus isn’t close to him, he feels like a part of him is missing, lost, lingering in the void that the world creates between them. The brothers are bonded by blood and that can’t be changed.
Unfortunately, feelings aren’t unnecessary, you may not fully know the purpose of each and everyone of them, but they have to come out. The more you keep them in, the more they will explode and Sirius has been keeping them in for years.
He has no idea how it starts but there’s no coming back.
“It’s so hard living there, the food is awful -contrary to general belief-, and laundry days are the worst,” Regulus rolls his eyes as if he actually hates it. How- how can he hate it? He chose it! He chose to leave. He huffs.
“Sounds so hard,” Sirius can’t help but say. Poor Reggie boy, he has to make his own food and wash his own clothes, such a hard life. Sirius had to go back every day after school to an angry Walburga who took it out on him for something that had nothing to do with him. He had to go back and get beaten just because. He was the one who always took every punch, slap, burn and harsh words. But Regulus has to do the laundry.
“It is,” Regulus narrows his eyes at him. “Maybe not for you, I bet someone does it for you,” Effie does, but he offered to do it himself and he chose to learn how to do it.
“I know how to do it, she just won’t let me. Besides, it’s not that hard, the machine does most of the work for you,” Sirius rolls his eyes.
“You’re right, how foolish of me to think that was the hard part,” Sirius is completely conscious of the tone his brother is using and he does not like it.
For years to come, Sirius would regret the words that leave his mouth. He will wish and pray to the Gods that have never listened to him, that just this once, just this thing he asks for, that they make him forget.
“How could you know what is hard? Everything came so easy to you, she never hit you!” At least I hope she didn’t. “I took every hit for you! I took the hard part, Regulus! And you are complaining about food and laundry?! She starved me. I had to go back every day and you chose to not be there. But God forgives that you have to cook.”
They are standing up, he has no idea when that happened. All he knows is that he’s seeing red and can’t stop the anger from flowing through his veins until it’s out of his body and hitting Regulus with words.
“I chose?!” Regulus matches the tone Sirius spoke to him. “I chose? I chose nothing, Sirius! But you? You did choose to leave. You left me,” oh, he did not. “I came back a year ago and you were gone. Left to play house with someone else’s family,” the venom in Regulus’ words are so poisonous Sirius is afraid it might kill him in the scene, except for the fact that they share the same kind of venom and Black’s shoot to kill.
“I left you? You fucking little shit. You came back a year ago, once I might add, and I wasn’t there… Should we count how many days- how many months I came back and you weren’t there? Should we, Regulus?” He starts pulling out his phone, he isn’t going to count the days, but his brother doesn’t know that.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Sirius,” he rolls his eyes. “Not like you can help it, mother always said it... I guess she wasn't that wrong.”
Regulus is angry, he gathered that, but to say something like that goes beyond him. This is not Reggie. This person in front of him is not the little boy he used to play with at night, who he used to tell stories so he would fall asleep, who he used to protect from anyone because the younger boy was his responsibility. This person is not the little brother he once knew.
“She is not my mother, that is not my family. I’ve found mine,” he says harsh but firmly. The mask Regulus put on once the fight was starting has now dropped. He’s hurt.
Now you know how that feels .
“Yes they are, we are your family. Not them, Sirius!”
“Not anymore,” he shrugs.
“Oh my God. I- I can’t believe how selfish you are. You know what? Actually, I can. So, you've found your perfect little family. Now tell me, how much of that is even real, Sirius? How long will they have you in?” How long? Sirius thinks to himself. Regulus talks quickly, talking with his hands, moving almost as fast as he’s talking. “I can’t believe I really thought this was going to be a good day and you were going to act like my brother! But I guess now you are not, it’s like sometimes I don’t even have a brother.”
“You are right,” he moves around the place looking for his jacket and grabbing it. Regulus follows him a couple of steps back. He puts on his jacket.
“About what?” Regulus asks. Sirius reaches for his left pocket on his jacket and takes out a small dark green box with a smaller silver bow on it, he hands it to Regulus who takes it with hesitation.
“Happy birthday,” he says, a part of him is genuine and another one says it with spite. He doesn’t know which part is more true. “And don’t worry, it’ll be like you never knew me,” Sirius says as he opens the door. "Like you never had a brother," he leaves, closing it behind him, then starts running. He would’ve believed it was already dark, but the sunset is beautiful on the horizon, it makes him break more.
He grabs his phone and quickly dials the number, Monty picks it up in less than a second.
“I’m on my way, son,” Monty says as soon as he answers making Sirius to start crying. Monty never hangs up.
If his relationship with his brother was breaking, now it’s shattered. There’s nothing left there. It was like glass with cracks, then breaking and now it’s only the dust that’s left.