People watching
Peter is and always has been an observant person, he even dares to say that he is more observant than Remus, but he would never dare to say that outloud because he doesn’t have the need. And honestly he doesn’t think he’ll ever have it, he enjoys being able to see things and help others. He was the one who helped Sirius take the hint he might fancy Remus, or tell Marlene to call that pretty lady, stuff like that. Little pushes his friends need.
But it is a lonely life.
He has seen all of his friends fall in love multiple times and it is honestly one of his favourite things to see, it’s beautiful and magical, they look so happy, so in awe. And Peter so desperately wants that, he wants to be the person who falls in love and has someone who falls for him. He’s seen James find his soulmate (Sirius, obviously), his first love and -probably- the love of his life in the time he’s known him. He’s seen Sirius and Remus continue to fall in love each day and maybe even be married already. He’s seen the way Marlene looks at Dorcas as if she is the goddess of her salvation. He’s seen the way Barty looks at Regulus when he thinks nobody is watching, like he is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen but can’t have it. Peter does, watch that’s it. He is always watching.
James is changing his shirt as he always does when they travel on the tour bus. Objectively, James has a nice fit body, it would be worthy of envy and for a while Peter did because he is not fit or the most handsome of the four Marauders, but with time and a lot of talks with his mates, family and Monty, he understood that he didn’t have to be all those things to be worthy or so that his talent has value.
When the door knocks, Peter is the one to open it.
“Oh, hi, Regulus, here to see James?” Peter smiles at the other man and Regulus inexpressive as always nods.
“Yeah, but I can come back another time,” Regulus says and before he turns around Peter is talking.
“Nonsense, I was about to explore the house a bit more, I’ll go,” Peter smiles at him and leaves. It was his plan of the day, not just at that exact moment, but oh well.
Peter met James and Marlene a year before they went to Hogwarts, when they were ten years old. He considered them his best friends, then Sirius and Remus came along and he had more best friends. Then Lily and Mary, and then he didn’t have best friends, but a family. He loves all the memories they have made together and the legacy they are making now.
The first time Lily and Mary went to the Potter’s house it was an experience to everyone, it was different but not weird or awkward, just different. And maybe Peter had a little crush on Lily, or at least that’s what he thought back then, because he remembers looking at her way too much and thinking she was the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen, that lasted for a while but the moment James told them he was serious about her, everything stopped and he didn’t feel anything. He wasn’t sad that there was not an opportunity with her, he mainly felt disappointed that he didn’t feel sad. If that makes sense.
Since then he hasn’t felt anything similar, the closest thing to that is the sexual attraction he may feel to certain women, and not even that happens so often. But it can happen, the only problem is that the moment that they want more and feelings are involved he just can’t.
Either way, right now he feels content with his life, he is enjoying this tour and he writes whenever he can. He finds a nice spot in the corner of the kitchen where there is a bench and cushions so he sits there, the view is really pretty.
He didn’t sleep on the bus, he just wanted to be by himself instead of the mess that James and Sirius are tangled with Regulus and him with Barty (even if Regulus doesn’t know he is tangled in). He regrets leaving Amelia there, but she is capable of managing them, besides his brother was with her. He opens his little notebook and sighs at the lyrics he’s written on the road.
That wasn't funny but they laughed so hard, he almost cried
They're countin' months they've been together, almost forty-nine
He's making fun of how they acted 'round the holidays
He wears a ring, but they tell people that they're not engaged
Of course Peter suspects about them being engaged, Sirius is playing with Remus’ ring every opportunity they have and they have a matching one, if you pay attention as much as Peter does, you would’ve noticed. He noticed a year ago, but hasn’t asked anything because, well, his friends will tell them when they are ready. Peter can keep their secret. He thinks it is beautiful, the way they love each other, despite the odds being against them, they put their love above the hate and that will always win.
“What are you doing here, mate?” Peter hears someone say from behind.
“Looking to get inspired,” Peter answers and closes his notebook, not before leaving a bookmark in between the pages he was writing.
“Sweet,” Barty nods and searches for food in the fridge. “Did you?” Barty asks absently, letting out a chuckle when he finds a Capri Sun there.
“Did I, what?” Peter asks as Barty sticks the straw on the juice.
“Got inspired,” Barty replies while the straw is between his teeth.
“Kinda, I want to believe I did,” Peter shrugs and thinks about his friends. Barty nods while sipping on the juice and the bag squeezes in his hand.
“I have no idea how to get inspired,” Barty says after finishing his juice. “I know we have to write new songs and keep it moving if we want to do this right, but I have no fucking clue where to look for inspiration,” he confesses.
“Thinking of him doesn’t work?” Peter dares to ask. He knows Barty knows who he is referring to. Regulus. He knows it is a bold move to make, but he does it anyway.
“What?” Barty is pale, more than usual and Peter smiles at him and shakes his head.
“Nothing, never mind,” he says. He is not ready to say it out loud and that is valid, so Peter lets it go. “First of all, there is no way to make this right. If you knew how many times we fucked it up and had to start all over again you’d want to get out of this life as soon as possible, but we learned and practised. You can make a whole shit song and if you are lucky, one will come alright, then another will come better, the next one will be incredible and so on. You have to be patient with yourself and your music.”
Yeah, maybe being famous and in a band wasn’t Peter’s dream, but he loves it. It has given him a purpose and a way to express himself. He loves this life even with all the bad things that come with it.
“Holy shit, I thought Remus was the sensible one,” Barty laughs.
“Oh, he is,” Peter laughs as well, he gets up and sits in one of the highchairs of the kitchen island, just in front of Barty. “He just isn’t the only one,” he shrugs. “Have you tried writing the three of you? There was a time when only James and Sirius were the ones who wrote our songs but they came into some kind of stall and they asked Remus and I to help them. I remember our first song written by the four of us was so much fun, it also helped us be more united, to understand where we wanted to go as a band.”
“I’m the one who writes, Evan just helps me with the music,” Barty says.
“What about Regulus?”
“Well, he’s been in the band for a month, so I haven’t had the time to ask him about how he wants to be involved in the process of making new music,” Barty scowls.
“Regulus has been in the band only a month?”
“Yeah, we kicked our bass player days before the contest, he was a dickhead who only wanted to compete with some dudes from his school. He was a bit obsessed if I’m being honest,” Barty tells him as Evan, Regulus, James and Marlene are entering the kitchen as well. He notices that Regulus is holding James’ wrist and Marlene has a hickey on the side of her neck.
“What are you talking about?” Evan asks as he places himself next to Barty, Regulus and James sit next to Peter in the highchairs and Marlene leans on the island.
“How Regulus has been in the band for only a month,” Barty says at the same time Lily, Sirius, Remus and Mary enter the kitchen.
“What?!” Lily almost screams.
“A month?” Sirius asks.
Even Remus looks surprised.
“Yes, a month since these idiots decided to kick their bass player out,” Regulus explains.
“Holy shit, Regulus, you look like you’ve been doing this for a while,” Sirius says and everybody expects Regulus to ignore him as he’s been doing so far but surprisingly (even to Sirius) he replies.
“Well, it’s been a while, I was only going to do it so they weren’t disqualified from the contest,” Regulus most has not noticed he answered to his own brother, but before he could take it back or be mean about it, Remus intersects.
“Why did you kick the other guy out?”
“He wasn’t that bad,” Evan starts saying to which Regulus just comments: “He was,” but Evan ignores him completely. “But he was fixated on his old schoolmates, but like he hated them and wanted to be better, it was rather sad,” Evan grimaces at the thought.
“It was pathetic,” Barty corrects. “Besides, he never really got into the symphony with us,” he shrugs.
“I wonder what Severus is doing now,” Evan says.
Everybody in the kitchen stiffens except for the three younger men. James looks at Sirius and then they look at Lily, Peter looks at Remus, Marlene opens her mouth in disbelief.
“Probably crying he didn’t stick with us, I mean look at us now,” Barty gestures to them and the house.
“Yeah, I bet he is bitching about us now, poor lad,” Evan sighs.
Regulus, being the observant person he is, sees the way all of them are looking at them. He tilts his head but his main focus is on James. “Is everything alright?”
“Uhm, uh, what was the name of your bassist?” James asks.
“Oh, James, I would hope you know as you are standing next to him,” Barty jokes but nobody laughs, too busy being shocked.
“The previous one.”
“Oh, Severus?”
“Does his last name happen to be ‘Snape’?” Sirius asks now.
“Yeah? Wait, you know him?”
They all start laughing. They laugh and laugh. Even Lily is laughing, she even has small tears in the corner of her eyes. James and Sirius are leaning so much on the island just so they can laugh together. Peter is holding Marlene’s arm as he laughs.
“Oh, oh, Snevillus really was trying to be better than us!” Sirius exclaims as he laughs.
“Oh my God, this is amazing,” James says. Once they are calmer, Evan is the first to talk.
“So I take you know him.”
“We,” James says as he points to the Marauders. “Are the dudes that he was trying to compete with, we were his schoolmates.”
“Piss off…” Barty laughs as well. “Poor lad, he is never going to beat you.”
-
Regulus has no idea what to think right now, he feels happy sitting next to James, but seeing Barty and Sirius talk is so foreign to him, he never in a million years would’ve thought that would happen. If you told Regulus a month ago that he was going to be in a band touring with the man he met a few years ago and his best friend happens to be someone from his past, he would have told you to piss off.
But here he is, watching Barty talk with Sirius about God knows what but they are laughing so hard they are clapping and jumping up and down on their seats. Regulus is sitting next to James on the couch, he has an arm resting behind Regulus and he will never admit it but it is kind of hot. They are watching their friends, James makes a comment every now and then, but he is mostly smiling and nodding to whatever someone says. He feels content right now, a bit awkward because this is way out of his comfort zone. Besides, Lily is sitting right next to James and he doesn’t know how to feel about it, he knows and trusts that James likes him but he can’t help to feel unease, he’s seen how they look at each other and they might not be together anymore, but there is so much love in their eyes. He doesn’t dare to ask James about them, about his past relationship but he wants to, that’s the thing, he really wants to ask and be sure that there’s nothing else going on.
On the other couch, the one closer to Lily, is Euphemia and Fleamont Potter, James’ parents. Well, not only James’, Regulus has realised (he doesn’t want to think about it). They are lovely people, around their sixties but full of life and energy. James’ mother looks at him as if she’s known him for years and he can’t decide how to feel about it, although her gaze is warm he doesn’t want to be watched right now. She has a way of looking at you that you feel exposed to, like she knows all your secrets before you do, there’s no way of shielding away.
“So, Regulus,” Euphemia directs the conversation to him, making Fleamont look at him too and he wants to disappear. “What do you think about the tour?”
“It is not what I expected, but to be fair, I don’t know what exactly I was expecting,” he replies, trying to sound as soft as her, but he thinks he fails and just sounds awkward.
“That’s totally valid, good thing you have your friends with you. I remember when James and Sirius went on their first tour, it’s never easy, let me tell you, I had way too many talks with them before they started really enjoying life on the road,” she shakes her head but has a smile on her lips.
“That’s because we missed you so much,” Sirius says, before Regulus can say something. He most likely saw Regulus’ awkwardness, that's when he notices how everyone is now watching this interaction.
Regulus knows that Euphemia knows who he is and that he may have a thing going on with James. He knows how important family is to James, it is something that he has known since 2018 and being here, that clearly hasn’t changed a bit. James looks at his parents as if he has Superman and Wonder Woman in front of him, the way a child watches his heroes, with so much love and awe.
“Let’s say it was just that,” Euphemia scrunches her nose and smiles at him.
“Let the boys be, Effie,” Fleamont teases and Regulus senses that he is including him in that statement. “Tell us about the tour, how’s it been so far? Lots of work?”
The couch where they are sitting isn’t big enough to leave so much space between them, so the moment Fleamont asks the question, Regulus and Lily can feel how James tenses and his whole posture changes. It must be involuntary because he doesn’t notice, but Regulus and Lily turn to see him. James looks at Lily first and shakes his head, but when he looks at him, Regulus gives him a look asking if he’s alright. There is a full conversation going on between them, something that Regulus didn’t know that they could do but he is so pleased that they can because that means that they understand each other and are able to know what the other is feeling. At the end, Regulus is pushing James to tell his friends about the new music the label is asking for.
While that was happening, Sirius was talking about how the tour’s been going so far. “And about work, it’s been calmed, way too calmed if I’m being honest,” he says at the same time Remus (who was in the kitchen with his sisters) sits besides him, he gets distracted by his boyfriend mid sentence and Remus just smiles at him.
Regulus elbows James.
“Actually, we do have work,” James manages to say with a grimace and Regulus isn’t sure if it is because he elbowed him or because it actually pains him to say that.
“Do we?” Remus asks, Sirius leans on him and Remus just puts an arm around his shoulders and pulls him closer. It feels weird watching a love like theirs be so open.
“Yeah,” James says and lifts a hand to scratch the back of his head. “Albus texted me yesterday, congratulating me for my birthday and asking for at least two songs for next week.”
“Next week?” Peter, who is sitting on the floor next to Evan, asks.
“Yes, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I thought I could just free you of stress, but apparently they want it sooner than I thought,” James explains and his voice sounds defeated, Regulus holds his hand in comfort but pretends that nothing is happening.
“It’s okay, mate. Good thing I never stop writing,” Sirius chuckles and that is what makes James loosen up. The sound of Sirius laughing.
“Same here, Pads,” James smiles at him.
“So does that mean that you have a new song?” Fleamont asks.
“Well, I just write all the time, you know that, Dad,” James says.
“Can we hear what you have written?” Euphemia asks then. “I love hearing your new songs before you record them at the studio, it’s more homelike.”
James seems to think a lot about it and Lily seems to notice because in less than a minute she’s leaving the room and coming back with a guitar.
“I know that look,” and Regulus hates that she really does. “You have something in mind,” she extends her hand that is grabbing the guitar so James can take it.
“You know me too well,” James takes the guitar and Regulus decides to ignore what he is feeling. James gets up and makes himself comfortable in one of the chairs where Barty was (he is now on the floor next to Evan).
“Mary! Marls! Come here, James is going to sing us a new song!” Lily shouts, Mary and Marlene are upstairs with Dorca, Emmeline and Pandora.
“What?” Mary shouts back.
“Just get your arse here!” Lily says and soon enough, the four girls are sitting on the floor. The Lupin sisters also come from the kitchen and sit in front of Remus and Sirius’ legs.
“Wow, full room,” James says but he doesn’t look nervous at all, actually he seems to like it. “Alright, so this one is the most recent I’ve written, just last week actually. It is not complete, so bear with me,” he explains and starts playing some melodies. Last week Regulus was ignoring him as much as he could. “Well I think I wrote a song that all your friends are gonna like,” he starts singing looking at Regulus and throwing a look to Barty and Evan. “But they'll tell you that they hate it when they don’t just because it’s mine,” Barty and Evan turn to look at Regulus, probably because it would be true. “And I swear that I’m not thinking about you all the time,” James shakes his head but smiles at Regulus. “It'll only take a minute, take a listen, maybe change your mind.”
Sirius is nodding along the rhythm and starts drumming his thighs, James smiles at him and starts walking around without stopping playing.
“Now I'm getting older, am I getting over you? I guess you’ll never know, oh,” James winks at Regulus and he tries his best to seem not bothered by the pink on his cheeks. “Baby honey does he make your night?” At this point, James is serenading Regulus and everybody knows. “Is it true he doesn’t touch you in the place the way I know you like,” how is James singing this in front of his parents? There’s no way he can just ignore his blush. “And I swear that I’m not thinking about you all the time,” James shakes his head and Regulus rolls his eyes. “Just today, yesterday, every day, and tomorrow night,” James shrugs and winks at him again, Regulus can’t help but to smile and shake his head.
By the end of the song, James is fully next to him, grinning and with eyes shining. He looks beautiful, Regulus can’t help but think. He wants to see him smile like that all the time. There is something about James Potter that makes you feel welcoming in any place, but right now Regulus feels something else, more than welcoming, he feels at home. Under James’ gaze, he thinks there is nothing he could ever do that would make him feel out of place.
“Did you like it?” James asks him, only him, his eyes are set on him, and yet Regulus doubts if James’s asking him.
“Well, I loved it!” Euphemia says while clapping her hands excited. “I really liked it, son. Are you going to include it on your new album?”
“Well, this is the first time I showed the guys the song, so we’ll see, mum,” James replies, looking at his mother.
“I liked it, I have a few notes and ideas for the song, but I think it could work,” Sirius shrugs.
“Yeah, maybe we could send it to Albus and let him decide whether it can go in the album or not,” Remus nods.
Regulus thinks about it. It is a song that James sang to him and probably wrote it for him or at least thinking about him, and one thing is their friends and family hearing it but another is the whole world hearing it. Hearing how some of James’ feelings for Regulus are captured in this song. It makes him jealous and a big part of him doesn’t want to share that with anyone else, but at the same time, he wants the world to know that James likes him. Even though they won’t actually know it is Regulus, they will speculate and Regulus will know the truth.
“Alright, I’ll send you the song,” James tells his friends and the other three nod. Then, James turns to look at Regulus again. “Did you like it?” he asks again, this time he looks nervous.
“Actually, I did,” Regulus says and James smiles and ducks to give him a little peck on the lips. He knows he didn’t think about it and just acted by impulse because the moment their lips separate, James opens his eyes wild and the first thing he does is look at Sirius and then his parents. Everybody looks surprised, confused or, if you are Remus Lupin, amused. Regulus is the surprised bit, he didn’t expect James to kiss him and yet he did in front of his parents. Yeah, there is no doubt in Euphemia’s head if they are a thing or not. “Shit, sorry, love,” he says and scratches the back of his neck.
“It’s alright,” Regulus manages to say but has to clear his throat. He also turns to look at Sirius, who was already looking at him. And remember how Regulus was surprised he could communicate with James without talking? Well, he is more surprised he still can do it with Sirius. With James he had to move his head and his facial expressions helped, with Sirius? The moment their eyes meet, Regulus knows everything Sirius wants to say and what he is feeling, weirdly, Regulus knows the other one can also read him. Sirius wants to talk to him, alone. And if he’s honest, he is not sure he is up to that, he is nowhere near ready for that.
So, he shakes his head and Sirius looks defeated.
“Look at the hour,” Euphemia says. “I will start making dinner. Sirius, sweetheart, would you help me?”
“‘Course, mum,” he says and Regulus’ insides crumble.
Mum.
Not ‘mother’, but ‘mum’.
Not Walburga Black, but Euphemia Potter.
He can feel some eyes on him, he knows that two pairs are from Evan and Barty. As soon as Euphemia and Sirius enter the kitchen, Regulus stands up and leaves the room, going straight upstairs to the room that he was assigned and closes the door. He sits on the edge of the bed and tries to breathe deep, useless. He can’t stop hearing the love in Sirius' voice when he calls Euphemia mum. That is something Regulus never heard before, the word Mum intertwined with love, and less coming from Sirius. Realistically, he knew Sirius ran to his best friend’s house, but he never ever thought that he would find a home. Regulus never came back to the Black’s house, but he never was able to find a home after Sirius. The concept of having a home and him not being there was just impossible, the closest thing he felt was comfortable enough to be himself around Evan and Barty, but even while leaving and sharing a place with his friends, it was no home, because his home left when he was barely fourteen and the last time he felt close to home was when he was fifteen.
Now at the age of twenty three he’s close to home but it is not his anymore.
Regulus was expecting Barty to come to their room, but to his surprise is James who is opening the door enough so his head can pop in. He looks nervous and a little ashamed.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t sure I should come,” James says sheepishly.
He gets why James would feel that, honestly Regulus doesn’t know how to feel about him being here. But somewhere deep down, he is glad he’s here. Kind of.
Okay, so here’s the thing: James is Sirius’ best friend and apparently his favourite person (apart from Remus), which means that Sirius went to James’ house and left him, which means Sirius left him for James, which means Sirius got a lovely family. But James is the person that Regulus just so happens to fancy and he now knows the parents he has and the parents Sirius chose (over him).
“Come in, James,” Regulus says and James does as said, he sits beside Regulus and puts an arm around his shoulders, Regulus leans on James and hides his face on the crook of his neck. “Thank you for coming, you should’ve checked on Sirius,” Regulus can’t help but say.
“Oh, he’ll be fine. I wanted to check on you,” James says into his hair.
“Will he be alright with that?”
“With me coming to you before him?” Regulus nods. “I hope he will, either way, I was going to come to you first. They have my mother and Moony,” James doesn’t say it because he is too kind, but it is there. ‘Sirius has people, but you don’t’. “Don’t do that, love,” James says.
“What?”
“You are overthinking what I said,” James explains and Regulus wonders what he did to let him know. “I’ve spent enough time with you to get to know your silences.”
Regulus’ thoughts suddenly stop.
Oh, James.
“You can’t say stuff like that and expect me not to like you, James,” he says the words James said the night before.
“I’m only telling the truth,” he shrugs, moving Regulus' head with the movement.
“Your so-called truth is going to be my cause of death,” Regulus informs him. James chuckles and isn’t that a lovely sound?
“I’m terribly sorry,” James says and by the way he says it, Regulus knows there is a smile on his face. “Are you okay, Star?” he asks more seriously.
“I don’t know. I want to be okay, but I’m so confused, my emotions are confusing me,” Regulus shakes his head and pulls away from James. He sighs and looks at his hands. “If I’m completely honest, I don’t know how comfortable I am with telling you how I feel about Sirius.”
“I understand,” James nods. “Do you want me to get someone for you? I can leave now, just wanted to see how you are.”
James is so, so lovely it can hurt sometimes, because when has Regulus had someone as lovely as him? It has never happened to him, he always thought that luck went away the moment Sirius crossed the door of their shared house. But now his luck came back to him, even when Sirius had it first. Regulus wants to be mad about James meeting Sirius first, about Sirius meeting James first. But he can’t, because he is glad he met James, he is glad that Sirius met James, he just wishes that they all met at the same time, that things were different.
But they aren’t.
Sirius found his family and Regulus missed him, but also found Evan and Barty. And they were his family, they were Regulus’ and only his. No matter what happens, he will always have them. And that was enough.
“Could you get Barty for me?” Regulus says quietly, almost like a whisper. James’ shoulders drop and maybe he should feel guilty but he doesn’t because this is not about them (although, indirectly, it is), but about Regulus and Sirius and he needs Barty.
“Of course, love, I’ll tell him to come,” James says and drops a kiss on the top of his head. Regulus enjoys the touch and exhales.
When James opens the door, Barty is already out, leaning against the wall in front of the room, his eyes are closed but as soon as he hears the door opening, he opens his eyes but doesn’t move. Barty only looks at James and then tilts his head to see Regulus, that’s when he moves, standing straight and walking past James. They only acknowledge the other with a single nod. James leaves the room and Regulus can hear him going downstairs, probably to Sirius.
“Are you okay?” Barty asks, squatting in front of Regulus so they can see eye to eye.
“Yeah, it’s just stupid to let that affect me like this,” Regulus shrugs.
“I don’t buy it, Reg,” Barty is staring him deep into his eyes, he can notice how concerned Barty actually is.
“What?”
“I don’t believe you. You are forgetting that I know you better than most or anyone, I can see you, you don’t have to pretend with me, alright?”
And Regulus knows, okay? Regulus knows how well Barty knows him, because Regulus has let him. Regulus chose to let Barty know him. Ever since they were children and had no idea what life was, he chose Barty. He was the first person Regulus could choose, because he didn’t get to choose while growing up, the choices were made for him. But not Barty. Everything with him was simpler, Regulus is sad, Barty is sad. Barty is angry, Regulus is angry. They move in so much synch that it was impossible not to let his guards down and let Barty in.
“I just hate that he got to be fine after all. He… He just left me and he is fine! You remember how I was, I thought-” Regulus stands up, making Barty stand up as well. He starts pacing around and raising his voice. “Fuck, I though my life was ending! And he found parents. He found a brother! And you know what is worse? That it is James, out of all the people in this damn world, it had to be him. Sirius gets everything first!”
“Not me,” Barty says behind him. “Not Evan,” he continues. “Sirius didn’t get us first, but Reg, it is not a competition,” he explains. “Even so, I want you to know that we are with you. You are our friend, we may talk to them, but you come first. To me you come first that anyone, yeah?” Regulus nods and somehow that is soothing, that almost makes his anger go away.
He is and forever will be that life introduced to him Barty Crouch (Jr, because he really hates Crouch Senior, may he not rest in peace). Maybe, Regulus didn’t choose him, it was another choice made for him by the universe and as much as he hates fate, he will never be upset to have met Barty, in any lifetime.