Felt forever, like fate
If he is being completely honest he kind of feels stupid for not knowing when James’ birthday is. They’ve talked for hours and yet it never crossed his mind to ask him something so mundane as when he was born. Regulus is not the kind of person to bother about that kind of thing but it is James and he seems to love his birthday so now he feels awful for not giving him a present. He sincerely doubts that James would mind if he doesn’t get him a gift but Regulus still thinks about what to give him.
That’s why he takes longer to go to James’ room.
He always feels nervous when he is about to knock the door, James has that effect on him, making him care about things that with other people he wouldn’t. He knocks either way and James opens the door distracted, barely paying any attention to Regulus which is- without wanting to feel self centred- weird. James is always beaming when he sees him, but not this time. Something is off, James is off and that makes Regulus feel uneasy because that’s not how James usually is.
“Hi, sorry I was late,” Regulus apologises thinking maybe it was that.
“Don’t worry, Reg, come in,” he brushes him off and leads him to the bedroom. They stay silent for a while, longer than Regulus can bear, James seems to be thinking about something intensely.
“Is everything okay, Jamie?” Regulus has to ask because he is genuinely concerned about him.
“Yeah, just work stuff that has me stre- wait, did you just call me Jamie?” he asks and now he is smiling. A special smile that he only gives to Regulus. Something inside of him is glad that he still gets that smile, that whatever is going on with him it’s not about Regulus and he can still smile at him and just light up Reg’s life. Maybe it is kind of selfish to think that way, but please, when the sun shines just for you, it is nearly impossible not to feel good about yourself because of that.
“No, I didn’t,” he says, completely serious, even though he did call him Jamie. He’s been wanting to if he is honest, maybe it is a way for him to demonstrate how much he cares about James, the way he makes him feel. Because, oh, how much James makes him feel. And the weirdest thing is that he likes it, he likes to feel everything that James has to offer him, the full James Potter experience. Sometimes when he catches himself thinking about James, he is calling him Jamie, maybe because of the french that is still lingering on his mind, he’s been very careful not to call him that- until now.
“Yeah, you did, Reg,” James grins at him. Regulus wants him like that all the time, but he will not ignore the fact that he was absent earlier, something from work is bothering him and if Regulus can help he will. Even when he does not have a clue how to comfort someone, but for the man that is smiling at him right now he will try and do his best.
“Whatever,” he rolls his eyes and James smiles broadly. “What is the work issue?” he asks and James smiles drops completely. Regulus wants to kill himself. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”
“No, no, it’s okay. Uhm, I don’t normally talk about it with other people other than my team and sometimes with the band, I just don’t like to lay all my stress on others,” he explains and Regulus understands the feeling, he knows what it is to feel like a burden with your own problems. “It’s just the label asking me for new songs,” James continues explaining and Regulus notices that there is a difference between them, Regulus would’ve made everything in his power not to show he is stressed and if someone did notice he wouldn’t talk about it, James does. And Regulus has no idea why he is telling him.
“Why are they asking only you and not the rest of the band?” Regulus has to ask because frankly it doesn’t sound even or fair. There are three other people who should be equally stressed as James is right now.
“It’s always been this way, Reg. I face the label and just pass on the message to the guys, I don’t mind really. I quite like that they don’t have to feel this way,” he shrugs and Regulus scowls. “Oh, don’t give me that look, please,” James grimaces.
“Do they know how much stress you are carrying for them?” Regulus asks, he is starting to feel angry but he is not sure with who, if it is with the label for putting all the pressure on James, on the band for not noticing just how much James is going through for them or with James for being such an idiot with a hero complex.
“No and I rather it stays that way,” James says firmly.
“Well I don’t think that is absolutely fair, for you or for them . I think they have the right to know and to be as involved with the communication with the label as you are,” Regulus says, he would absolutely hate if Barty carry with all the stuff for the band, they are supposed to be in it together and that would just bring a lot of imbalance to their dynamic.
“But they are alright as we are, Regulus,” James tries to defend himself. And he says tries because there is no way on earth that he is going to win this.
“Of course they are, James, because they have no fucking clue of what they are missing. You just went on and made the choice for them!” he exclaims and James tilts his head, Regulus sighs and continues, “what about you?” he asks.
“What about me?”
“Are you happy?”
James opens his mouth but as soon as he does, he closes it. He thinks about it, really thinks about it, Regulus can see how fast his thoughts are going and how the realisation is hitting him. He knows that James is not unhappy, but he has seen James when he is truly and genuinely happy, this right here in front of him is not. The weight he is carrying for his best friends is consuming him.
Regulus scoots closer to where James is lost in his head, he holds his hand and that brings James out of his trance. He looks at their hands and then at Regulus and for a second there, he can see how James really feels, who James really is, a bit broken with a lot of love to fix it just not for himself.
“You have them, James, you can count on them, they will not be angry or upset if you ask them for help. You are the one who has told me how supportive your friends are, trust them with this, they can handle it too,” Regulus says softly, wishing that James will believe him and stop carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders just because he is afraid that if he doesn’t, it will crash on those who he loves the most, without realising it is crashing him.
“I am a happy person, you know?” James says after a bit of silence. “But I think that because of that, when I'm not happy, it is harder for me,” he says, so quiet and fragile that all Regulus can do is hold him, he makes himself comfortable behind James and holds him. Showing him the support that he can have. That he is allowed to have. He plants a soft kiss on James’s hair and he hums. “Thank you, Reg,” he says, melting into the hug.
“For what?”
“Everything, for this conversation I think, I think I needed that… I don’t know, just thank you,” he repeats. “I’m so grateful you are here right now, that you came into my life,” he continues and now Regulus is the one melting.
“For the first time in a while I feel like I could be complete,” Regulus says against James’ hair, ignoring every part of him that is telling him to close again, to not be vulnerable. “And I just know it is because of you, Jamie.” James shifts under his arms, changing his position so he can turn to see him.
“You can’t say things like that and not expect me to like you, Star,” James says, he is not teasing or joking, he is serious. “Fuck, Reg, I really do like you, more than I thought I did,” James sits now, freeing himself from Regulus’ arms. “I- I sometimes don’t know what to do with this, with what I feel for you,” he is moving his arms as he talks, trying to let out what he is feeling, unknown to James, Regulus can almost feel it. “You took me by surprise, from that very first night in Paris, I wasn’t looking for you but I was waiting for you,” James looks so frustrated, as if the way he is expressing what he is feeling isn’t enough or maybe he just doesn’t know what exactly to say. “You’ve mesmerised me ever since, I-” James makes a pause. “I want to be with you, Regulus. I don’t want you to ignore me because I’m a wreck when you do and this may be coming too strong but believe me I am as surprised. I just want you, Star.”
Regulus is speechless, because he knows it is coming too strong and maybe too soon, they just met again a few weeks ago, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t feel the same because, oh, how he does. He can’t even explain or comprehend the impact that James Potter has had over him. He can’t go through his day without thinking of him, missing him as if he's missing a part of his soul, aching for a touch, wishing to be sunkissed by him. All he can do right now is reach for his left pocket and take something out.
“Here,” Regulus says, giving it to James who looks confused but takes it anyway. “Happy birthday, mon cherie,” James looks at it with awe, his eyebrows lifting a bit and his eyes shine, still above that he looks confused about it. “I’ve had it since I was a kid, a family tradition, kind of,” Regulus explains as he takes the ring from James’ hand and puts it on James’ little finger, he knew it wouldn’t fit any other finger. “It has my constellation engraved, well, it is actually not my constellation as I am a Capricorn, but the one where my name comes from, the Leo constellation,” James looks at Regulus.
“I remember Sirius telling us stories about the Leo Constellation when we first met him, he hardly talked about his star, but he was always telling us the story about Hercules and some kind of lion.”
“He used to love that story,” Regulus says, ignoring the way his chest aches because of that fact.
“Do you know the story? Could you tell me?”
“Yes, I know the story, James,” he chuckles. “Well, it is actually not a long story,” James looks at me like saying ‘I don’t care, just tell me’, so Regulus does. “It is about Heracles, or Hercules as you wish to call him, and he had to defeat the Nemean Lion, the lion had a skin that was impervious to any kind of weapon, he was very cunning, that’s what I liked the most about the story, how smart the lion was,” Regulus smiles thinking about it. “Anyway, the lion used to keep women captive and lure strong men, warriors, into the cave just for them to meet an unfortunate fate. Eventually, Heracles was the one who managed to defeat the lion.”
“How does the story relate to the Leo constellation?” James asks.
“For starters, the lion is the animal that symbolises the constellation,” he explains.
“And how is it your constellation?”
“My name, Regulus, is the brightest star in the Leo constellation and one of the brightest stars in general,” he says, proudly, he is very smug about his star. “Some say that Regulus is the heart of the lion,” he adds. James decides that he has to be held again and starts making himself comfortable between Regulus’ arms, just as he was before just now his face down, resting his head on his chest. Regulus is more than happy to have him in his arms.
“That makes sense, the way you described the lion sounds a lot like you. Always shielding what you feel and think with your- what was the word you used? Impervious? Yeah, with your impervious looks. And you are smart, calculating and precise,” he wiggles a bit, settling down and sighs when he finds the right position. Regulus starts stroking his hair with delicacy and the other man makes a sound of approval. “If you keep going I’ll fall asleep, I’m not joking, love,” James warns him but that only makes Regulus keep going.
“Sleep, Jamie, you should rest,” he tells him.
“Alright, yeah,” James says, now sounding sleepy. “Just stay here, yeah?”
“Of course, baby, I’ll stay here until you wake up,” Regulus leans to give him a kiss on the forehead and carefully takes James’ glasses off of him and puts them in the closer night stand, just to continue caressing his hair.
He looks at James’ hand, the way the ring shines and contrasts against James’ skin. He’s seen that James only wears gold jewellery, he debated if he should give him that ring out of everyone just because Regulus mostly uses silver jewellery, but James wears it happily and he doubts it bothers him that it is not what he is used to. Regulus knows for a fact that James had an idea of what the ring means in his family, he’s seen how he still uses it. It disconcerts him the way he is still the same that Regulus remembers but so different, as if they were strangers with a past in common.
He yawns and as he can with James already asleep on him, turns off the lights and tries to sleep. And for the first time in what seems to be ages, he thinks about Sirius before falling asleep.
-
They wake up with Pandora knocking against the door, with such a force that they think she is going to make a hole in the door just so she can come in. It is their free day so why is she knocking? Sirius gets up, careful not to wake Remus up and before he goes, he admires Remus, half naked on their bed after the long celebration they did after midnight. He truly is a lucky man.
“Good morning to you too, beautiful, what do I owe your pleasant presence?” he grins at her as they shove their hair off his face.
“We are leaving in thirty, you better be ready, I was kind enough to leave you last, so hurry up,” she demands and as she turns, Sirius grabs her arm making her turn towards him again.
“Where exactly are we going? I am certain we do not have another city to perform tonight or tomorrow,” they say, he memorised their whole schedule, he knows every place and venue they will perform and the dates, today is not one of those dates.
“Effie and Monty planned a day off for all of us outside of the city because of James’ birthday. The three bands are invited as well as Emme and Dorcas,” she explains quickly. “I’ll see you two in the lobby,” she is leaving before Sirius can agree to anything.
When he goes back to bed, Remus is waking up, stretching and yawning, Sirius softens at the view because he is just so cute like that. His hair is a mess, his tan skin is somehow glowing and the freckles in his back are popping up. Sirius drops next to him, facing him, Remus automatically wraps an arm around their waist and pulls him closer.
“Who was it?” Remus asks, his voice deeper than usual because of the early hour.
“Pandora. Mum and dad planned a trip to celebrate Prongs’ birthday, we have to hurry,” despite what he just said, he does nothing to hurry up, enjoying Moony’s proximity.
“How much time do we have?”
“Right now, maybe twenty five minutes,” they say and Remus groans. “We have to take a shower, sweetheart,” he informs them and if Sirius is completely honest he will not oppose the idea of showering with Remus. So they shower together and it is one of Sirius’ favourite things to do with Remus, the intimacy of everything, the trust and it is quite fun. They are always kissing but throwing the lather to the other. Although, he may be biassed because he loves everything that has to do with Remus Lupin.
Thirty-three minutes later they are in the lobby waiting for the rest to arrive, Sirius is with Lily and Mary because they can risk being seen next to Remus (he is rolling his eyes just at the thought of how absurd that is). From where he is standing they can see James with Regulus, they are talking back and forth like they are in their own little world which they probably are, talking to the other as if the words are only theirs to speak and only theirs to hear. Sirius doesn’t know how to feel about that. He knows that it is not fair to be jealous but they are. Jealous of Regulus and jealous of James, he wants to be the one who talks freely with Regulus, but they also want to be with James at all times.
“They are something, aren’t they?” Lily’s voice breaks his thoughts, she is watching them as well. Mary’s gone to talk to Remus’ sisters that just arrived.
“Yeah, they are,” he says, agreeing because it is evident that they care for each other more than everyone thought, maybe even themselves.
“I’ve never seen him like that, you know?” Lily says quietly, her head is a little tilted and her eyes show the nostalgia and empathy she is feeling.
When he first met Lily, he was eleven years old, he was going to sit next to James as they always did at school, but James moved the chair and invited Lily instead. That hurt Sirius and he swore to hate the redhead girl for as long as he lived. Obviously, with time, they decided that was the stupidest thing to ever swear. Lily is an amazing friend and even more amazing human being, she is kind, kinder than anyone they know. The reason that brought them together is now standing in front of them, talking to James. Apparently, Lily and Sirius had a way of understanding each other through their siblings, they understood what it was not wanting to see them but being incapable of hating them, what it was to hate them but being incapable of leaving their side. Saying that, Lily is one of the few people they are comfortable being themselves with, she gave him the trust and safety he needed and he will forever be grateful for her, her kind words and the hard ones when it’s warranted. Sirius has a lily flower tattooed on their arm to symbolise how much she means to them (Lily was furious when he showed her but he knows that she was emotional, despite Lily calling him names, she loves it secretly).
“There is something in James’ eyes when he sees him that never was when he saw me,” Lily continues talking. “I used to think he was the brightest thing I’ve ever seen, sometimes I still do. But when he looks at Regulus…,” she takes a deep breath and exhales. “It is like Regulus is the brightest thing he has ever seen.”
“I know what you mean,” they answer and instinctively turn to see Remus who happens to be laughing with his little sister. “Love works in mysterious ways,” Sirius shrugs thinking about all the process of falling in love with Moony. All the denial and bickering, the laughs and cries.
“You think that is? Love, I mean,” Lily turns to see him, she looks a bit sad and for a moment Sirius really thinks that she may still have feelings for James.
“What else could it be?” They say and return his gaze to the two men, Regulus is smiling, such an unusual thing to happen nowadays he’s come to notice. Regulus used to laugh and smile a lot when they were just children, Sirius used to do everything in his power to make it happen, it was a way for him to recharge energy as well. Their house was awful, there is just no way to describe it, there was no natural light coming in, no plants, no laughter… simply no life. So hearing Regulus’ laugh was a nice reminder that above the dark there was always something worth staying there.
Until it wasn’t enough.
“Alright!” Pandora raises her voice so she can be heard by everyone, they all move closer to her. “As you know, Effie and Monty were kind enough to plan this sweet getaway trip, we have two buses that are going to take us there, so we have to divide nine and nine. Chop-chop! Time is gold!”
The Marauders automatically look for each other, as an instinct they’ve had since they were eleven years old, maybe it was the way Pandora talked to them that made them feel like kids being told by their teacher that they can make teams. Lily and Mary decided to go with them as well, but Marlene decided to go on the other bus (Sirius suspects she has a thing going on with their photographer and makes a mental note to ask her later). Amelia tags along with Lily and Mary. James looks at Regulus with pleading eyes and his brother rolls his eyes, grabs Barty’s arm and pulls them to get close to them, meaning that they are the last two to go on their bus. .
The bus is nice, they have snacks and a mini bar (and a small kitchen), as well as Sirius’ and James’ guitars. Which means they have a couple of hours of the trip, they don’t mind as he always has loved roadtrips with his friends, the only thing that makes him feel uneasy is Regulus’ presence. Look, it is not that they don’t want to be near him because that’s what he wants more than anything right now, but he doesn’t know how. It used to be so easy to be with him, the easiest thing to do when he was a kid for the mere fact that Regulus was Sirius’ favourite person in the whole world. Right now? They have no fucking idea who the person in front of him is. And it hurts . It makes his chest ache and his lungs lose all the air that helps him breathe.
It’s never been easy for Sirius to get over Regulus, it is not the type of grief you feel when someone dies or you go through a breakup, but still you mourn them. You miss the memories that you shared and the moments that raised you, he couldn’t think about his childhood without seeing Regulus on it and he shined in every single one of Sirius’ memories and he hated it. He hated not being able to turn off that light surrounding his brother, eventually he managed to dim it when they got older, fought and never managed to solve that.
With time and love from their friends and family, Sirius managed to handle it, to overcome it as much as he could in order to live. There was a time where he couldn’t understand how they could live without Regulus, without his laughter. But people came into their life to show him that the little things were the secret to keep going, maybe he couldn’t find the same sound that his little brother’s laugh made, but he found the light in James’ eyes, the warmth of his parents love, the way Remus holds him when they cuddle. Sirius found the strength to keep going without his brother and somehow be okay with that.
Thirty minutes down the road, Regulus is sitting in front of him and is talking with Barty, they are sitting across from them on the couches that are parallel to the other. Mary and Lily are in the little booth with a table next to them, meanwhile Peter went to take a nice nap on the end of the bus where there are a couple of beds. They are familiar with these kinds of buses, they know the drill of everything. Remus is on his left talking with Amelia about some gossip that is going on where they are from, he doesn’t really pay them attention as he is getting bored.
At this thought, they turn to look at James who looks at him at the same time. Yup, that is what he likes the most about them, their way of communicating without actually using words. Also, this is the reason why they put their guitars in here and not with their luggage: they always get bored. So they use this time to come up with new song ideas or just play some of their favourite songs (whether it’s theirs or not).
“Prongs?” Sirius asks innocently.
“Yes, Pads?” James answers in the same tone. Regulus immediately stops talking to Barty and outright ignores him the moment he hears James’ voice.
“I think it’s time,” Sirius nods. Remus groans at their side.
“I think you are right,” James smiles and gets up to reach for their guitars. Lily watches them as well as Mary, they also know what is about to happen, unlike Barty, Regulus and Amelia who have never been on tour with them like this. When James comes back, he gives Sirius his guitar and returns to his seat.
“Do you have to do this now?” Remus asks and has a grimace on his face.
“Absolutely,” James and Sirius answer at the same time, Remus groans defeatedly but nods agreeing.
“What song should we play?” James asks the people present and Lily smiles.
“Oh, oh, you should play your song that goes something like,” she starts humming the song and all James has to do is look at Sirius before they start playing the song. Remus, Lily and Mary help them with the little sounds that the intro has, Regulus looks at them confused, Amelia is smiling and moving with the rhythm of the song. Barty looks happy to be here.
“If you love somebody better tell them while they're here 'cause they just may run away from you,” James sings and that catches Regulus’ attention, the moment he turns to see him his eyes have stars on them because James is already looking at him.
“You'll never know quite when, well,” Sirius sings and just as the same, that catches Regulus' attention but Sirius isn’t capable of looking at him so they turn to see Moony. “Then again, it just depends on how long of time is left for you,” Sirius raises an eyebrow to Remus indicating that he has to sing next. This is not the way they recorded the song, but who cares when it’s just them?
“I've had the highest mountains,” he sings and Sirius swears he has fallen more in love, like it’s not even a joke. “I've had the deepest rivers. You can have it all, but life keeps moving.”
“Now take it in but don't look down…” James sings and smiles.
“'Cause I'm on top of the world, hey, I'm on top of the world, hey,” they all sing except for Regulus and when Sirius says all, is all, even Barty is singing now. Lily and Mary have sung this with them on several occasions as it is one of their favourites to play when they don’t have a crowd, it is kind of theirs. Amelia knows the song as well despite never having sung it together and as for Barty, well, Sirius isn’t sure.
“How do you know the words?” Regulus asks him.
“I just Googled it, Reg,” Barty answers as he moves the phone on his hand which clearly has the lyrics on. “You do know they are crazy famous, right?” Barty teases him and Regulus just rolls his eyes. After that, Barty continues singing with them.
“I've been waiting to smile, hey, been holding it in for a while, hey. Take you with me if I can,” James and Sirius sing louder than the rest. They wrote this song (alongside Remus and Peter, but mainly them) because they wanted to represent what the opportunity of recording music and touring meant to them. “Been dreaming of this since a child. I'm on top of the world.”
“Come on, Barty, sing this one!” Mary exclaims and Barty nods.
“I've tried to cut these corners, try to take the easy way out I kept on falling short of something,” he sings and Sirius would be damned if he denied the talent that man carries, his voice is flawless and he can see something they share with Barty and James, the three of them feel the music, not only the lyrics but the vibrations in their voices and the chords of the melody. “I could've gave up then, but then again, I couldn't have 'cause I've travelled all this way for something,” he sings and they all repeat the chorus and laugh and scream. It is great. Barty gives his phone to Regulus and he scans the screen, when it is time for the bridge, he sings with them.
“And I know it's hard when you're falling down and it's a long way up when you hit the ground, but get up, now, get up, get up, now,” Regulus sings with them and there is something about it that makes Sirius immensely happy, for a moment they feel complete and the piece missing was their little brother.
They sing the end of the song and as soon as it is over they all are laughing, even Regulus has a smile on his face, they all are happy and for once it doesn’t feel the common tension that is between the bands.
“I love these moments,” Amelia says and lays her weight on James, realising her mistake because as soon as it happens, Regulus’ smile eareses and has a murderous look on his face. She shifts a little but doesn’t move too far from James who is unaware of the whole situation, Remus who is looking at them as well, moves his elbow to catch Sirius’ attention and he just nods letting him know that they are seeing it too.
“Do you guys do this often?” Barty asks them, making Regulus stop looking at Amelia and focus on his friend, the moment his eyes look at Barty his face softens a bit.
“Do what?” Remus asks.
“This, road trips and singing and just having fun,” Barty moves his hands as he lists the things he’s saying.
“No, not really,” Sirius answers sadly. They remember thinking it was going to be like that always, but soon they’ve come to realise that it is not as usual as they would’ve hoped. Sirius thought that being part of a successful band was going to be always like a dream, but turns out it is not, it comes with more responsibilities than expected, more anxiety and stress.
“When we are on the tour bus we generally just rest as much as possible, write or just wait till we get to where we are going,” James shrugs.
“Well, that sounds…” Barty grimaces.
“Sad,” Regulus ends the sentence.
“It isn’t,” Remus shakes his head. “It could be, but we are always together, so it isn’t.”
“Yeah, even if we are just sleeping or talking or nothing at all, at least we are together, you know what I mean? The fact that we are sharing this is enough,” James explains and Sirius has the feeling Barty understands what he is saying as he just nods and he seems thoughtful, lost in his own mind.
“Do you mind if I ask all of you some questions?” Barty asks and looks at them and the girls.
“Not at all,” Lily offers him a sweet smile, Barty looks nervous, anxious and even vulnerable at the moment. They all understand the feeling of the uncertainty of this job.
Barty then proceeds to ask them questions as if they write their own songs, if they are involved in the decisions of the places they tour, whether they can produce their songs or not, stuff like that, the girl’s answers and theirs are pretty similar until Barty asks if they choose what songs they can release.
“No,” Lily says firmly at the same time James says: “Yes.”
“They can but we can’t, the label has been controlling every decision we want to make regarding our debut album and we just can’t.”
“Really?” Regulus speaks for the first time in a while, genuinely confused about that.
“Really.”
“That seems unfair,” he says and scowls.
“Never said it was,” Lily says sharply.
After a bit of silence Barty clears his throat and continues with the questions, he turns to look at Sirius and Remus with his whole body and Sirius can feel Remus tensing next to him.
“What about you guys?” he asks. “I don’t mean to assume, but you are together, right?”
“Yes, we are,” Remus answers. “What about it?” he asks but not in a mean way, but because he doesn’t understand where this is going, Sirius does.
“I’ve never seen you together when we go out or are in the venues,” Barty says and Sirius can see the moment Remus understands what he wants to ask.
“We aren't allowed to be public about our relationship,” Sirius answers before Remus. “The label says that it wouldn’t be accepted by the fans and media and it would affect our sales,” they explain and Regulus looks at him directly in their eyes for the first time since they met again.
“Nobody knows about you two?” Regulus asks and Sirius has to hide their surprise, the others don’t.
“Only friends and family,” Sirius answers, pretending not to be dying of happiness and nervousness inside. “Fans speculate, but because we haven’t confirmed anything, they don’t know for sure,” they say and Regulus just nods and turns to look at James.
“All because you are dating a man?” Barty asks carefully.
“Pretty much, yeah,” Remus nods.
“Well, that’s shit for us, Reg,” Barty tells his friend and Regulus nods.
“Are you dating or something?” Amelia asks and everyone looks at her. And girl, he is already there so she can’t be serious.
“He wishes,” Barty laughs, Regulus rolls his eyes (something very common he does, Sirius is learning) and looks Amelia in the eyes.
“I happen to fancy the man that is next to you,” Regulus informs her and it is the first time all of them have a confirmation of what Regulus’ feelings are towards James. Amelia stares at him and then starts laughing.
“Holy shit!” she laughs. “You are the one who gave him the bloody hickey?” She points to James’ neck that isn’t covered on makeup now and the hickey is showing in all its radiance. “Jesus Christ, James, you do have something for your friends’ siblings, don’t you?” Poor James is red from his cheeks.
“Only Padfoot’s,” he answers sheepishly and Remus lets out a bark laugh.
“Oi!” Sirius frowns.
“Returning to your question,” Regulus talks directly to Amelia. “Yes, I was the one who gave him the hickey,” he confirms proudly and deadly seriously.
“Oh, Regulus, should’ve told me earlier, I could’ve sat next to Barty and you next to James,” Amelia shakes her head and then gets up. “Up, up, we are swapping,” she moves her hand so he gets up and changes seats with her.
“It really isn’t necessary,” Regulus says but gets up anyway.
“Uh, I think it is,” James says and grabs Regulus by the waist and pulls him towards himself, making Regulus drop beside him with his legs on James’ lap. James just grins at him and plants a kiss on the side of his head.
“Where is my kiss?” Sirius asks Remus who just rolls his eyes and leaves a kiss on his forehead.
“Needy thing,” Remus says underneath his breath.
“Today more than ever,” Sirius confirms. Today is a very special day for them and although he wanted to stay in bed with Remus, he is happy to be here.
They arrive at their destination after a couple of hours, the house from the outside looks so beautiful, it has a modern-old vibe, he can’t really explain it but it has everybody amazed. Remus is holding their hand and watching the house as everybody else. James has Regulus under his arm and Regulus looks so pleased about it, he isn’t looking at the house but at James.
“Do you like it?” Effie asks them and everybody starts saying yes or just nodding.
“Mum, it is beautiful,” James tells her.
“I’m glad you liked it, we didn’t have enough time to plan everything perfectly,” Monty says and scratches the back of his neck, the same movement James does when he is nervous.
“This is perfect, Dad,” Sirius assures him and Monty smiles at him, dropping his arm.
“Alright then, let’s go inside,” Pandora bosses them as usual but nobody complains because they all know better.
The first thing they see when they get in is the kitchen and it is pretty, the whole house has a minimalistic decoration and although it is not Sirius’ preference he likes it here. It has an island in the centre of the kitchen with highchairs and besides the kitchen is a large dining table. They leave the kitchen and go to the living room where their stuff has been dropped, they make a circle around it looking for their bags.
“Alright, the house has eight rooms,” Pandora announces, getting all of their attention. “Effie and I were thinking how you could share the room but you could also choose,” when she sees that nobody says anything she continues. “Sirius and Remus as well as Monty and Effie will get two of the rooms that only have one bed for obvious reasons, then James and Peter could take the room that has bunk beds,” Pandora says and James looks at Peter and mutters ‘wicked’ to him. “Lily, Mary and Marlene can share the room that has three beds, as well as Regulus, Evan and Barty. There are two bedrooms with three beds and another one with two beds and a sofa bed; Dorcas, Emme and I will take that one. Lastly, Amelia, Donna and Sabina will take the bedroom that has bunk beds. Is that alright?” Everybody nods and then grabs their things and goes to explore which room they got.
Sirius just follows Remus around because he trusts that he knows where to go, which is right. Remus drops their things on the floor and sits on the edge of the bed, Sirius stares at the view they have through the window. It is beautiful. These are the things that make him feel grateful for their job, despite the odds, he gets to share adventures like today with his friends and family. Sirius can’t believe he gets to share it with his brother, it doesn’t matter that Regulus doesn’t see it like that, Sirius is so grateful to be under the same roof as him. He missed him and still does even when he is a couple of rooms next to him.
Maybe if Sirius never met James none of this would’ve happened, because it was him who made him pursue what he loved. He used to write about leaving and meeting better people than the ones he was used to (except Regulus) and then he met James just to learn that his dreams aren’t rare, that there was someone who dream for the same things. James is something no one can take away from Sirius, they were meant to be and now that they are Sirius tells him everything.
Sirius has always told James everything, just the same as James does, how they are, what they’re doing, every minute of every day. And it’s brilliant, really. Where else do you get it, something like what they have? Nowhere, of course, but they found it in each other. James (besides Moony) is the person he trusts the most, no doubt. But there’s one thing, only one thing he doesn’t feel like telling him. Sirius knows he doesn’t owe him anything, but they can’t help but feel guilty about not telling James.
But honestly? Right now? Here? They don’t care.
“Happy anniversary, love,” Remus tells them as he hugs him from the back, Sirius rests their head on remus’ chest.
“Happy anniversary, my moon,” Sirius says back and moves his head looking for a kiss. He gets it, he always gets it and always will. “I have a gift for you,” they tell him and Remus separates himself from Sirius just enough to be able to look at their face.
“We agreed not to buy any gifts,” Remus reprimands him.
“Luckily I didn’t buy anything,” Sirius grins. “I wrote you a song, Moony,” they explain and Remus melts at that, Sirius can feel how his grip around him loosens strength. “I need my guitar, sweetheart,” he says and gestures to the instrument on the floor. Remus lets him go and they grab it, then make Remus sit on the bed and they sit next to him in a way where they can see face to face. “Are you ready?”
“Probably not,” Remus smiles and Sirius' heart flutters because Goddamn it, he is so in love. “But go ahead anyway,” he chuckles and so does Sirius.
He starts playing the song he’s been working on for a while now, he had this idea on his mind and a melody that only sounded around Remus, he knew it would be a great gift for today.
“I, I loved you in secret, first sight, yeah, we love without reason,” they start singing, looking straight into Remus’ eyes. “Oh, twenty-five years old. Oh, how were you to know? And my love had been frozen,” Sirius wrote that part remembering the way he was after he cut contact with his brother, the way he felt numb and without love to give. “Deep blue, but you painted me golden,” but then there was Remus to show him how wrong they were. “Oh, and you held me close, oh, how was I to know? I–” he breathes. “Could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets, picture of your face in an invisible locket. You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it, I had a bad feeling,” the last line is a reference to how the label asks them to hide and how Remus, despite everything going wrong always says that as long as the two of them know the truth about their love, nothing can tear them apart. “And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis,” Remus chuckles a bit. “People started talking, putting us through our paces,” Remus nods and Sirius knows he understands where this is coming from, how the media and even their fans are always trying to find out about them or making up stories about how they actually hate each other. “But we were dancing, dancing with our hands tied, hands tied. Yeah, we were dancing like it was the first time, first time,” often Sirius feels like what he has with Remus is out of his control. A bigger force controlling them, like fate. “I, I loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us,” they suddenly feel vulnerable, like telling a deep secret to his loved one. Talking about fears and insecurities always has that effect on them. “So, baby, can we dance, oh, through an avalanche?” Sirius tilts his head, really asking the question and all Remus does is smile and nod softly. “And say, say that we got it. I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted,” Sirius shrugs and Moony only laughs quietly in the intimacy of the moment. And nods, agreeing, making them smile while singing. “Oh, 'cause it's gravity, oh, keeping you with me.”
Sirius knows he is young, only twenty five, but he also knows that there is no one else for them, only Remus. Always Remus. Even before he was on this earth he was only Remus’, even after he leaves this earth he will be only Remus’. He will be the star chasing after the moon every night and looking for it every day.
He plays his guitar before singing the bridge.
“I'd kiss you as the lights went out. Swaying as the room burned down, I'd hold you as the water rushes in if I could dance with you again,” he wrote that part reminiscing how they were before they became famous, how they used to go on dates and were able to be them .
Sirius sings one last time the chorus and finishes the song, Remus just looks at him but his eyes are watery. The love and yearning is so visible on his face and that overwhelms Sirius a bit but in the best possible way, they love how much Moony makes them feel. They simply love him.
“Happy anniversary,” Sirius repeats as he puts the guitar down, resting next to the bed. When he turns to see Remus, he grabs his cheeks with delicacy and kisses him, softly but deeply.
“I,” kiss. “Love,” kiss. “You,” kiss. “I fucking love you so much, Sirius, I really fucking do, my love,” Remus kisses him again.
“I hope you do, what would I do with this if you didn’t?” Sirius points to the ring on his finger. Remus laughs, loud and lovely.
“Divorce, babe, divorce,” Remus says and now Sirius laughs.
“You can’t quote Adele on this!” Sirius fakes offence. “No! You can’t!” Sirius exclaims when he sees that Remus is going to fight him on that. “Because we are not getting divorced,” Sirius kisses him and Remus holds him closer by the waist and makes them drop on the bed, Sirius almost falling on top of him.
“I’d never divorce you, love, I quite love being your husband,” Remus says softly as he fixes Sirius’ hair that was falling on his face.
“I love you, my Moony,” Sirius whispers. “Can’t believe we’ve been married for two years now.”
“Can’t believe we haven’t told anyone,” Remus replies and Sirius nods agreeing.
“I like it, you know? Something that is only ours, something we don’t have to share with anyone else and just be, well- ours .”
“I understand. I like it too, I like the fact that you being mine and me being yours is forever now, we don’t have to tell anyone that. I’ve already told the only person that needed to hear that I’m yours forever and that person is you,” Remus kisses them. “Well and the priest that married us in Las Vegas, thank God for Prongs’ twenty third birthday, really,” Remus nods remembering that night and Sirius only laughs.
Sirius is grateful for that trip, now thanks to that day he will happily spend the rest of his life next to the love of all his lives. He remembers how that night they were celebrating James’ birthday and he just turned to look at Remus who was already looking at him and Remus only said “Yes,” and next thing they know, they are sneaking out from their friends and getting married. Maybe they didn’t plan it, but they didn’t need to, they said their vows as if they had a lifetime to rehearse them. They only had to put into words what they felt for the other and turns out they both felt forever.