Typical
October, 2020
“What do you mean we can’t?” She asks, feeling angrier than she’s ever felt before.
“Ms. Evans, I’d like to ask you to calm down,” Dumbledore is sitting on the chair behind his desk. He is looking at her as if she is making a big deal out of nothing. But it is not nothing!
“Believe me, I am calm compared to how I feel,” she grits her teeth.
“Well, yeah, I’m sure,” he says. “You cannot go on tour, Ms. Evans, because The Marauders are set to release their next album which involves a tour and you, along with Ms. McKinnon and Ms. Macdonald, signed a contract where you agree to be with them,” he explains and- what?
“If we release our album now, we can do a small tour and then have time to tour with The Marauders, it is possible, Albus,” she says, because it is. They have almost all of the songs for their album done, they just have to record them and pick a date to release it.
“The answer’s no, Ms. Evans,” Dumbledore says and turns to look at the computer in front of him.
Albus Dumbledore is a man around sixty, he has a long beard and his hair is almost all white, he strikes as a lovely person, someone who you can trust and believe in what he says. He looks like he knows things, the wisdom is in his eyes and in the way he talks. He makes you feel like you are important to him and the label, like you were chosen by the hand of God.
Don’t be fucking fooled. He is no God.
She was. They -Mary and Marlene too- were. They believed him, he told them that they would have their album released after their EP… well that was a year ago. He said that the songs weren’t good enough for an album and they had to write more, so they did. For a year. Now they have fucking amazing songs and they can’t release them because this man has decided to postpone it. Lily knows he is holding them back on purpose, she doesn’t see him doing that with James. She is fucking mad, but she won’t give him the power he so much wants. Not anymore.
“Okay, I understand,” she says so calmly that even Dumbledore turns to see her. “Thank you for your time,” she gets up and leaves the room.
It is not until she’s in her car that she starts crying, gasping for air so hard that her head is starting to feel dizzy. She’s having a panic attack and she can’t drive like this. James is with his and Sirius’ parents, Marlene is with her girlfriend and Mary hasn’t answered her since last night. So she calls the only person she knows for a fact is going to be close.
“Hello, Lily!”
“Can you come to the second level of the parking lot, please?” She manages to say and she only hears an affirmation before hanging up.
Not even five minutes later, Pandora is opening the passenger seat door and sitting there, she is panting so probably she ran through the building just to get there.
“Ow, Lily, what happened?” She asks and her voice is sweet and comforting. Pandora reaches so she can caress her hair, at the touch Lily tilts her head so is closer to the touch.
“I don’t know how long I can do this,” she says and starts crying again, sobbing. The panic attack still lingers but not as strong as when she was alone.
“Why do you say that?” Pandora speaks with a tone that could make Lily fall asleep.
“He is fucking awful to us. He won’t let us tour alone, only if it’s with the guys,” Lily sighs and she feels so tired of this already. The Marauders have been with this label since they were eighteen, they are now twenty three and not once have they struggled the way the girls are doing right now. WOM3N signed a contract with Phoenix two years ago, by the time the guys were having their first tour and they would tour with them to make themselves known and along the way, they started recording their first EP on tour buses and hotel rooms, it wasn’t ideal, honestly she pictured a recording booth and everything more professional like what James told her about his experience. Either way, she was happy, I mean she was going to be touring and recording her music! Of course she was happy. But as soon as she wanted a little bit more, the doors were closing one by one. Did she really have the same opportunities as her friends? Maybe she needed to work harder to prove that she is as worthy as they are, that they deserved the same privileges. Nothing seemed to be enough.
“Lily, sweetheart, you have to give yourself a break, this pressure that you’ve put on you is only going to end you and kill your motivation,” Pandora says as she fixes the hair that has fallen onto Lily’s face. “You need to have a little faith that everything will be better. Maybe next year you’ll start recording your next album and by the time you’re on the road with the boys, you’ll have it released,” Pandora cheers her up. Lily is not sure if it’s the way she talks or just that Lily trusts her. She’s been their manager for a couple of years and even more years to the guys and she’s never made any deal that would harm them in any way. She’s earned everybody’s trust and a place in their hearts.
“Thank you, Pandora,” Lily says, straightening in her seat and looking into her eyes. They are pierced blue. “I’m so sorry you had to see me like this,” she chuckles.
“Never apologise for being human, Lily,” Pandora says softly but her body language is in manager mode again. It freaking terrifies Lily how she manages to control it like that. Pandora is only three years older than her, but has a shit ton of experience in the field. Lily completely admires her.
The day after she had the panic attack, she went to The Potter’s as well, she drove alone, mostly because she wanted that time to just think and be. A little melody in the back of her mind but she brushes it off, she doesn’t want to think about that stuff right now. She really could use a hug from her boyfriend and maybe from Effie too. Her parents went back to Ireland as soon as they saw she was good on her own, it stings a little because the fact that she can maintain herself economically doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need her parents anymore. Her sister went with them, that one is a more complicated relationship, Petunia never agreed with what Lily wanted, not once and now even less when she signed with Phoenix to be an artist, her sister said that it wasn’t a real job, but Lily didn’t listen. Maybe she should have.
The bright side is that she has a family on her own, she has James with the warmth that makes the sun jealous, Sirius whose laugh lit the whole room, Peter with the best bets, Mary with the best gossip and ears to listen to Lily talk for hours, Marlene with the best jokes and Remus. Her best friend, the bestest friend she could’ve asked for. That man is everything in Lily’s life, he made her feel part of something, he made her feel important and seen. Lily knows Remus is her platonic soulmate.
She hasn’t even parked at the Potter’s house when James is already leaving the house to greet her. Her suitcase is in the back but James does not care, he goes straight to her, barely even letting her get out of the car before he kisses her. Lily melts into the kiss. The way James kisses is pure, she can taste every feeling he has for her and it is beautiful because every single time all Lily tastes is love.
Lily thinks he is the one for her, he is everything anyone would dream for and she is lucky to have him by her side. They may be young but they are in love, he is her best friend and lover and she’s happy to be his too. James Potter is the light in anybody’s life.
“Hello, gorgeous,” he says after the kiss, his glasses are a bit lopsided, he is grinning and Lily feels peace for the first time since yesterday.
“Hi, love,” she says back. “Help me with my bags?” she asks, pointing to the back seats with her head.
“Sure, get it, Pads and Moony are there with my parents. I’ll follow you,” he says while opening the backseat door and grabbing her bags.
Lily opens the door and follows the sound of the laughs, she knows it is Sirius laughing along with Effie. When she reaches them at the kitchen, Effie immediately gets up to greet her.
“Hello, dear. How are you?” Effie asks as she gives her a hug. Yup, Lily needed this too.
“Been better, but I’m alright,” Lily breaks the hug and then greets Monty. Sirius is getting up to hug her as well.
“Hello, Red,” Sirius says and he is the only one allowed to call her that.
“Yeah, yeah, get off her it’s my turn,” Remus says and Lily laughs but Sirius looks offended that his boyfriend is telling them that.
“Hello, Moons,” Lily does not call him Moony, but she does call him Moons, so do the guys but it was her who started calling him Moons.
“Hello, Flower,” he says and like Sirius with ‘Red’, Remus is the only one that calls her Flower. It is not so common, but she likes it.
“He is going to steal my girlfriend,” she hears James sighing.
“Are you kidding me? She is going to steal my boyfriend,” Sirius replies. “Break it off,” he says, putting their hands between them and pulling Remus to himself. Remus, of course, puts his arms around them and holds him closer.
“When you least expect it, Black, he’s gonna be mine,” Lily jokes and Sirius gasps and turns to look at his boyfriend. Remus nods, agreeing with her.
“The betrayal,” Sirius says. “But that’s okay, when that happens I’ll have Prongs to myself,” he shrugs, looking smug. James smirks.
“That’s true,” James says and everybody, even their parents, agree. They sit around the table in the kitchen and resume their talking, they laugh and talk while Effie makes her a cup of tea. Apparently they were talking about how Severus, an old friend of hers who she met, joined a band to compete with them.
“And he actually thinks he can compete with us!” Sirius laughs hard along with James. Remus only chuckles. Effie and Monty shake their heads but have smiles on their faces, it is more because of the fact that their children are laughing than of the making fun.
“When did he learn to play anything?” James asks.
“He actually learned a while ago,” Lily says and takes a sip from her tea. “We were still in school and I was still her friend, so it was a while ago.”
Sirius' laughter stops and so does James’. They turn to look at each other and laugh again, this time Lily laughs with them because she knows exactly what they are thinking. No matter how hard Severus tried, he was never on these guys’ level. Severus always envied them, she never understood it because when she was a kid she thought that James and Sirius were the most idiotic people in the world, they were loud and cocky and she found them annoying, she couldn’t understand why Remus would befriend them. Then Marlene and Mary would start hanging with them too and Lily just refused to do it, she thought (regrettably) that she was better than that, better than them in a way. She started hanging out with Peter and Remus, without Sirius or James, she would leave if either of them came close. Her friendship with Severus did blind her for longer than she would have wanted, he filled her head with all the shit talking about the two guys and she let herself believe him. It wasn’t until she found out that he also shit talked about Remus behind her back that she couldn’t take it. Yes, Severus and her were close but never the way she was (and is) with Remus, the kind of friendship she has with him is the kind you can look at the other without saying anything and understanding, she can be in silence and feel his breathing knowing that they are breathing together and that is enough for her to feel complete.
Imagine the disappointment on Severus' face when she lashed out on him for talking bad about her best friend. Lily remembers Severus saying that he thought he was her best friend and the moment she said no, he started talking shit about her too, about how her sister was never going to accept her or love her, about how she will never be perfect and is far from it and also about her weight, because Lily’s always been a chubby kid and that comment did affected her for many years to come. Unfortunately for Severus, he decided to make fun of her on an aisle at school, which was a common corridor that the Marauders used. Sirius and Remus were walking by when they heard what he was saying, later on, Remus told Lily how Sirius wanted to punch Severus from the moment he mention her sister, but Remus wouldn’t let him do anything, that until he noticed Lily crying that it was Remus who punched Severus.
It wasn’t until six months ago that James confessed that he also beat up Severus pretty badly when he found out what he said to her, he demanded that he never speak to her, look at her or think of her, because “that was just a warning,” he said. James also admitted that he felt terrible for requiring to violence but he did not regret doing it. Lily was in awe, because at the time she didn’t talk to him at all, all he said was “I still considered you my friend,” and he shrugged.
Lily loves her man, probably that’s the moment she knew what true love was, in James’ presence.
“God, I don’t know how I was friends with him,” she says and Remus rolls his eyes, Sirius scoffs and James pulls her chair closer to him (which, hot).
“That was not a friend, Lily,” Effie tells her as she already knows the story from everybody’s point of view, really.
“Now I know what friends are,” Lily says and looks at Remus and Sirius. “What love is,” she looks at James and he winks at her.
When the night comes, she and James go to his room and lay on his bed, just cuddling and enjoying the proximity of the other, she tells him that she’s been struggling with the label, she doesn’t say exactly with whom or what because last time she did, James got involved and it didn’t end good.
“Why wouldn’t you tell me about it earlier, Lily?” James asks her once she told him about her panic attack.
“You were here with your parents,” it’s what she says.
“Like if that matters! Lily, you know me and you know my parents, they wouldn’t mind if I left to go with you because you needed it,” he sits in the bed and passes his hand through his hair in sign of exasperation.
“Don’t make it a big deal, we are here now,” Lily rolls her eyes and she knows she’s not being fair, James comes from a place of worry. She sits, the same way James is, facing him.
“Make it a big deal?” he asks. “Lily, something happened yesterday that led to you having a panic attack, that is something to pay attention to.”
“Well maybe I don’t want you to pay that much attention,” she says, raising her voice and all her anger she didn’t let out with Dumbledore is lashing out on James, her boyfriend who has done nothing else but support her.
“Too fucking bad, because I love you, of course I am going to pay attention,” James says and he is mad, not quite angry but mad.
“God, step back, James!” Lily knows, she knows that affects him, she knows the power her words are going to have on him. She knows that one of James’ biggest insecurities is not knowing where the limits ends and he overstepping.
“Sorry,” he says, calmer but now he is sad. “Sorry,” he says again and Lily hates herself.
“James, fuck. James I’m sorry,” Lily says and tries to hold his face with her hands but she feels so unworthy of touching the sun when she is the one who turned it off.
“No, it’s okay. I know I can be a little intense at times,” he says, shrugging like it’s nothing and obviously he is the one comforting her.
“It’s not that, James,” she quickly says. “Do not ever say that, you are perfect just as you are, please do not ever change the way you care about people,” she begs and James just nods, looking to another place, anywhere but not Lily. “I am so sorry, James. I truly am. I have a lot going on with the label that I just let it out on you,” she apologises.
“I understand, Lily, I truly do. I’ve been there,” he says and stubbornly she thinks that is not like she is. “I can be the person you let it out on if that’s what you need, all you gotta do is tell me,” his voice is steady but his eyes are still sad, she knows he’s thinking about what she said.
“I can’t- I, sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to talk,” she says and James listens. “I have no idea how to use my voice when I know it's needed, I can’t manage to say it,” she holds her breath trying to push away the need of crying.
“Why don’t you write it?” James says softly, reaching to pull her into a hug, rubbing his thumb over her arm. Honestly? Lily didn’t think about it, it is her job and she never thought about doing it.
“Would you help me?” she asks and it is a question that goes beyond the writing process.
“Until the very end of the song,” he answers but the answer as well goes beyond the songwriting.
So she unpacks her little notebook where she writes song ideas and some complete songs. It was a gift from Petunia, the only gift she’s ever received from her and the only one that Petunia actually meant to give her. She also takes out a pen that has nothing special but Lily loves the way her handwritten looks when she writes with it. James takes out his guitar and looks at her, waiting. They’ve done this before, he comes out with a melody and she writes, or she’ll have a melody in her head and he will help her bring it to life.
“Alright,” she says and then tells him about a melody she’s been having on her mind all day, he tries his best to get as close as possible with what she’s describing. When she starts writing at some point tears roll down her cheeks but she continues writing, James doesn’t say anything about it. He understands how the process of writing can be like purging your soul and words will be written and you won’t remember writing them but it will make so much sense to your heart.
After an hour or so, she has a new song with a melody that matches it perfectly, her notes have things written all over the place and some things crossed. She feels tired but lighter. She hands her notebook to her boyfriend and James reads it.
“I really like this one,” he says and points to the line that was inspired by some of the words Pandora told her yesterday. “Do you want to try and sing it? Maybe that way you’ll have it out,” he posits the idea. “I can play while you sing it,” he points to the guitar that is on the side of the bed.
Lily thinks about it and she knows she has to do it, she feels like she is going to explode anytime soon with how much she’s feeling. It’s like a ticking bomb ready to go off at anybody, even the one she loves the most.
“Yeah,” she nods. “I’d like that.”
“Great,” James grabs the guitar and looks at her, he knows the song by now, all Lily has to do is sing what she wrote.
“You've heard it all before, one minute, I was killing 'em all, and the next, a brown suit wouldn't let me perform, ah,” the way she really despises Dumbledore is beyond herself, he is a liar and an old man who only cares about power. “Typical, ” she shakes her head. “So I took a happy face and it's coming on like a charm. I don't wanna get lost, I wanna worship the sun,” she looks straight into James’ eyes and he gives her a smile that makes her blush and feel weak. “If you want, you can come,” James articulates the words ‘I want’ and Lily rolls her eyes. She loves the idiot. “So when you smoke that cigarette,” she thinks of all the times she’s smoked with Remus. “Or when you talk shit 'bout an old friend,” she wrote that line because of how weird it was to think about Severus again, how it still affects her in a way but she’s happy she’s moved on. “I know it's hard, but do your best,” a demand she has had on herself since she was a child. “Give yourself a break, have a little faith,” she sings the words Pandora told her and Lily knows this is going to be what helps her get through all of her struggles.
“Do you want to continue?” James asks but doesn’t stop playing, Lily nods.
“So when you're broke, can't get ahead,” she continues to sing. “Or when you take it out on your boyfriend,” she grimaces when she looks at the way James smiles at her, telling her that everything is okay (even if it’s not). “I know it's hard, but do your best. Give yourself a break, have a little faith.”
She finishes singing and James looks at her like she is precious, worth watching. She gives him a shy smile, because even after all this time, she still gets nervous when James looks at her like that. James puts the guitar on the side, resting against the nightstand, then opens his arms inviting Lily for a hug. She doesn’t deny, she pushes herself into the embrace and they lie down like that. James kisses her forehead and then with his hand, makes her chin rise so he can kiss her fully on the lips. And there it is, the taste of love.
Present, 2022
Lily watches the way James sees Regulus in the soundcheck. She also watches the way Regulus sees James. There’s something in between their looks and just like that, Lily knows that it’s something mutual. Regulus is all sharp edges, she likes that of him, because that way nobody messes with him and he doesn’t even have to say it, it is just a known thing for everybody. She even envies it. But when it comes to James, he softens, like ice melting under the heat of the sun. And she gets it, better than most, the power James has, the way he can get through all your defences and not even notice because you want the comfort he has to offer.
She really likes Regulus, as well as Barty and Evan, she feels the way their presence is going to fit perfectly into their dynamic and her little family. She wants them to be there, to be part of it, if you ask her why she wouldn’t know what to answer, but she just feels it and it is right .
Still, it is weird to see James watch him the way he used to watch her.
When they broke up she knew it was for the best, the things with Phoenix weren’t improving and somehow it consumed her, so the best was to let the relationship go, but that doesn’t mean that she knew how to let James go. How do you stop caring and loving the person you swore that was the love of your life? She had no clue how to let James go and even now, she struggles with the thought of someone being with him. Which is a bit unfair, given the fact that she’s also been with other people since they broke up and also, she’s made peace with the fact that it was the best choice. She’s run through every possible outcome of staying together and she feels like she would’ve ended up hating him for many things and this is better. Preserve the love that they still felt and cherish it.
The point is, she likes Regulus but somewhere deep down, it stings that James has something going on for him.
Either way, all she can do is be there for James because Regulus is not making it easy for him, and James being James isn’t going to stop until he has achieved what he wants. Even though Regulus tries so hard to push him away, he keeps glancing over at him and then telling James that they can do anything because (shocking news to literally anybody but James) he is Sirius’ brother. Everybody knew they were brothers the moment Regulus and Sirius were in a room together, even Peter tried to make a bet with her but it was useless because the answer was pretty obvious.
“Are you okay?” Remus asks her, he was watching The Sekans soundchek as well, they all are sitting in the first row.
“Yeah,” she nods. “How is Sirius? James told me he talked to him yesterday,” she looks at Remus and he grimaces. “That bad, uh?”
“It’s hard for him, they just don’t know what to do,” Remus says. “He stayed with James, though,” he announces and Lily lifts her eyebrows. “They want to be with each other, it’s- it’s like they are having issues with the same person, they think the other will understand that.”
“I think they do, but it is not the same,” Lily says and Remus chuckles.
“It is not,” he shakes his head and then lets it drop to the back while sighs. “I really want to smoke right now. Fucking no smoke policies,” he looks to the front again. The Sekans are finishing the soundcheck and James looks like a little puppy waiting for Regulus.
“Maybe after soundcheck we can sneak for a bit, could use one too,” Lily says and gets up as it is their time to soundcheck.
“That’s why I like you, Evans,” he says and gets up as well, probably he is going to find where Sirius is.
Mary and Marlene get on stage, Lily looks at them and smiles to herself, they are the reason she continues to do this, otherwise she thinks she would’ve already quitted. Well, also because of the guys, but these two beautiful women are going through the same things Lily is, they share this experience in a way the guys wouldn’t understand.
“I was thinking we could rehearse a new one,” Lily says and the two girls look at the other and then to Lily and she already hates it.
“You know we can’t, Lils,” Marlene says. “I want to sing our new songs as well as you do and as much as Mary does too, but we can’t.”
“It is hardly a new one, we’ve sung it on social media and the fans already know it,” Lily tries to convince them but she knows that it will be a dead end.
“We need to get it approved,” Mary says and then gestures to Pandora who is on the side of the stage. As soon as Pandora notices, she comes, leaving whatever she was doing behind.
“Is everything alright?” Pandora asks, concerned but her sweet voice it’s there.
“We want to sing a new song,” Lily says firmly.
“Oh,” Pandora says and starts nodding. “Yeah, I can ask and I’ll give you a notice when they tell me an answer, but it is not going to be easy as yesterday you already-,” Lily cuts her off.
“I want to sing it, I want to do it and I do not care if he approved it or not,” she says and she can’t help it. She is tired and she is angry, why would she hide what she is feeling? “I’m fucking tired of him going through every little detail we decide for him to deny it. I’m tired!” She raises her voice but neither of them look startled by this, they just understand where she’s coming from. “I dated James for long enough to know that they didn’t have to send him shit to get his approval. We went through shit last night so he could allow us to sing The Louvre,” she shakes her head in disbelief. They had the idea of singing The Louvre in Paris since before the tour started, but they gave them an answer three hours before the concert. She is mad. “Fuck! They sing a different song every show and don’t seem too stressed about it,” she points backstage to where the guys probably are. Although she is wrong, not all of them are backstage, she can’t see it but behind her are James and Regulus who were talking before they heard her voice.
“Lily, you have to follow these rules,” Pandora looks at her in the eyes to make sure she understands that this is a serious topic. “If you don’t, you’ll get in trouble. Legal problems.”
“Then so fucking be it!” she almost shouts. Unknown to her, James is distressed not knowing what is happening and itching to get to her. “I’ll hire a lawyer just so they get me out of this fucking contract,” the thing is, she is tired. She is tired of an old man using his power to silence her music and along it, silencing her. “It is not fucking fair,” her voice sound defeated and Mary automatically put her arms around her.
“I am, too. You are not alone in this, remember?” Mary says and her voice sounds sad too, tired as she is.
“I love them, I really love touring with them, but I want us to do our own tour. Release our fucking music and feel free to do it, with the words I want to sing,” Lily says against Mary’s hair and she knows she about to cry. “This is not the dream they are living, this is a prison where we have straps that are asphyxiating us!”
“I understand too, Lily,” Marlene says and joins the hug. “I am tired of how they even want us to dress and the image they want us to fulfil. That’s not us, that’s not me,” she shakes her head. “But one day, we will be free,” she says. “All we gotta do is have a little faith,” Marlene says and Pandora chuckles.
“Let's do one show at the time, we can ask to sing a new song and wait for a reply, if not we stick to the setlist, alright?” Mary asks her and Lily nods.
“Alright, then I’m gonna make the call,” Pandora says and leaves, pulling out her phone.
In the end, he didn’t let them perform a new one, but he did allow them to choose an old one of their choosing which is kind of a win, a humiliating win but still a win, right? Mary and Marlene said Lily should decide but something about it felt wrong, so instead they came to an agreement where the three girls would be happy.
It’s one song from their second EP (because that was the only thing that they were allowed to release before this year), Marlene and Lily wrote together, after two months Lily and James broke up, Marlene and her girlfriend broke up too, making that their creative process matched really well. What’s funny about the song is that at the beginning of the song, James’ voice can be heard as well as at the end. Both, Marlene and Lily, thought that it made the lyrics pop out, the meaning of it all. Of course, it was Marlene who asked James for it because at the time she still couldn’t talk to him without wanting to set the world or herself on fire.
They decide to sing the song in the middle of the setlist, making it stand out from the rest of their songs.
“Tonight we have a special song we want to sing and we were hoping you’d sing it with us, Amsterdam,” Lily says and the crowd goes wild. The lights turn off and you can hear James’ voice saying ‘hey!’ and fans that know scream even louder. “My baby don't love me no more,” she closes her eyes and moves her hand, feeling the song. “And it hurts like hell, it's like I don't love myself,” the fans sing along with her and she opens her eyes to find out that the crowd is turning on the flashes on their phones. “Never had this feeling before. Don't wanna face the truth that I'm still missing you, yeah.”
“Now I can't erase your number, I'm still sleeping in your jumper,” Marlene sings her part and it really is her part. Her girlfriend and her were together for a year and it really affected Marlene when they broke up. But even then, she still was the fearless girl she is. “Kinda hate it that I love ya, tryna let you go.”
“How do I, how do I, how do I breathe when you're not with me? Oh,” the three of them sing. “How do I, how do I, how do I sleep in the space you leave? Oh,” Lily remembers the way her heart was broken when she wrote the song and it was even worse to record it. Maybe back then the wound was too fresh, maybe she knows it will never fully close. “Swear that my, swear that my, swear that my heart don't beat when you're gonе, can't let go,” they sing and the way the lights from the crowd move in sync with the song is magical. “When you're not hеre with me, how am I supposed to breathe? ”
“Every night I'm calling your name,” Mary sings, stepping forward the edge of the stage and singing it to the audience. “Here with the ghost of you, haunted, but close to you,” she goes to stand next to Lily. “Wonder if you're feeling the same. Do you remember or are you replacing me?”
“If I call you, will you pick up?” Lily sings. “Guess I'm drowning in the liquor. Yeah, I thought that I was sick of you, show me what to do,” she remembers thinking that James was handling their break up much better than she was and she just wanted to know how.
When the song ends the fans go crazy, the flashlights turn off and Lily thinks to herself that moments like this are what makes it all worth it. That the words they write and sing may be the way someone out there is finding their own voice, through them and their songs.
They step off the stage when their set is over, Lily has a bittersweet feeling about tonight’s show, she is happy and her adrenaline is on top, but it feels like a mask to what she is really feeling. She doesn’t feel like she can be genuinely happy about it, because there’s a leash on the three of them, controlling their every move and she feels trapped.
“You could’ve warned me about the song,” Lily hears him say behind her. She has a towel on her neck, wiping her sweat. “You know what that song means to me too,” James continues talking. Lily turns to face him.
“I didn’t think it would bother you,” Lily tilts her head. Honestly, she didn’t think about what he may think at all, she was thinking about something else entirely the whole time.
“It doesn’t bother me, Lils. The words have power,” he shrugs. Then he steps closer to take a better look of her face. “Why didn’t you say anything about still having issues with them?” He asks softly.
“I have no reason to tell you, James,” she says in the same tone he is talking.
“I still pay attention, you know?” He says and how is that fair? It’s not that Lily wants to get back with James and be in a relationship with him again, but he is the person that makes her the weakest. She has a soft spot for him and his words have power too. “I’m sorry if I didn’t realise sooner, but I am here to support you, the three of you, okay? I don’t care if I get in trouble. I’ll help, let me help, yeah?” James has a pure heart, she’s always known it, one of the things she loves the most about him.
“Yeah, alright,” she nods and James finally smiles.
“Great,” he says. “I’ve got to find my boys, but really, Lily, anything you need just tell me.”
“Same to you, James,” she offers him a soft smile and that makes James ease up. He nods and then leaves.
Lily sighs and turns around. Right now she just wants to lay in bed and sleep for days, she feels tired in every aspect, physically and emotionally. This tour is going to be so hard to finish, between the struggle with the label, the drama behind the scenes and their new addition to the team. Some things are going to be difficult. She starts walking to their room and she feels someone looking at her, when she turns it’s Regulus but as soon as he notices her watching him back she carries on talking with Barty. She sighs. Yup, it’s going to be hard.