Day off...?
Remus considers himself a very observant person. He sees details in people that they just don’t notice. He has been that way for as long as he can remember. He knows it started to develop more once his sisters were old enough to walk. He tried to help his mother as much as he could and when you are that young all that you can do is watch them.
So yeah, thanks to his sisters he can see little things on other people, things that maybe not even them notice.
Everything after soundcheck was like little pieces of a puzzle he didn’t know he was solving, but if it involves Sirius he can’t help to feel the need to understand what is going on. Now, imagine his surprise when he understood.
First he saw how James’ eyes lit up when Regulus walked in, right there he understood that it was his Star. Then, he saw Sirius’ face, he was pale and that look is one Remus has never seen on them, and believe him, he has seen a lot of Sirius’ faces to know that something was not alright. When Regulus noticed Sirius he understood that they knew each other. What Remus couldn’t understand is why Regulus was so defensive with them. Sirius was quiet after Regulus left, the kind of quiet that concerns them. Not because Sirius can’t be quiet, but because their quietness is loud. When The Sekans were on stage, Remus could see that Sirius was watching him, and out of curiosity, he watched them too. The way Regulus played the bass and sang against the microphone, it took only half a song to understand what was going on.
Regulus was Sirius’ brother.
He remembers vaguely when Sirius used to talk about him all the time when they were eleven years old, then when he was twelve he stopped talking about him, now and then a comment would slip casually and without noticing. But Sirius never really told them the name of his younger brother, he just referred to him as “my brother” or “my little brother”.
While watching Regulus on the stage, he could see so much of Sirius in him. Not things that everybody would notice, because he doesn’t think anyone has paid as much attention as Remus has to Sirius. Nobody knows Sirius the way Remus does. Except for maybe James, but even then, the Sirius he knows is very different to the one that Remus does, thankfully. And even so, James seems to be oblivious of the fact that he likes Sirius’ little brother. Which, if you ask Remus, is absurd. Regulus and Sirius look alike, not that they are identical, but if you look closely, they have the same nose and the gestures they make are similar, the details are the answer.
James did try to ask Sirius how he knew Regulus, but Sirius was ignoring the world by living in their mind for a while. James, knowingly, let him be and distracted himself with anything that came across him. Remus could tell that he was anxious for the answer, but not only that, he also wanted to go to The Sekans’ room, he just kept glancing at the door and biting his lips.
When The Sekans’ set was done, the girls were on stage and he ran into the drummer, Evan. They chatted for a couple of minutes and Regulus came around, he seemed stressed and the way he looked at Remus, he knew that Regulus had already deduced that he was close to his brother. But it was more than that, he could have sworn that he saw a bit of pink in his cheeks.
This is going to be interesting , Remus thought. He is more similar to Sirius than he thought.
After that, the first show of the tour went really well, the fans, as lovely as they are, sang him Happy Birthday. He felt happy with how the night went, it even cheered Sirius up, which he is very grateful for.
Look, there was a time when they were all teenagers where Remus didn’t want to join the band or be part of it at least, it wasn’t his dream, it has always been James’ and Sirius’, but not his or Pete’s. Don’t get him wrong, he doesn’t regret this for a bit, but it wasn’t what he expected to do when he grew older. However, when Remus was sixteen, he highly doubted if he was up for this. He never doubted his ability with the drums, no it wasn’t that. Nor the fact that he was head over heels for Sirius and it was causing him anxiety not knowing what the other felt. It was the scars. They made him feel insecure, to say the least, especially when he was a teenager and people started to stare at him.
Now, it doesn’t bother him that much, he even gets to make up stories of how he got them, he makes fun of them in his own twisted way.
Also, Sirius says they are hot, so…
But back to the present, after the show, they go back to their hotel, exhausted. This time, he goes with the rest of the guys, the girls on the other van and The Sekans with Pandora on another van. None of them are speaking, even though they just had their first show of this new tour, something happened before that none of them dare to acknowledge just yet. They sit in silence, it is not awkward, he can tell that James and Sirius are caught up in their own thoughts. Peter is almost falling asleep with his arms crossed over his chest and his head resting on the window, not even worrying about the fans screaming when they get out of the venue.
Once they are at the hotel they get out quickly, rushing so they are not seeing but also because the mere thought of a bed is making him anxious to get there. When they are in the lobby, he can see Pandora’s blonde hair. She is talking to Barty, probably letting him know the drill of the night and tomorrow morning. The Marauders and WOM3N just get going to their own rooms.
At the elevator, it’s when he can finally reach Sirius, he stands behind them and holds them by the waist, Sirius just leans his back to his chest and rests his head on his left shoulder. He plants a kiss on their hair and squeezes their waist just so they know that Remus is there.
“God, I’m so tired,” Peter says, breaking the silence.
“Yeah, me too,” James agrees and Remus feels Sirius nodding against his shoulder, agreeing with them. “It was a good show, guys,” James smiles proudly at them.
“Loved it when they sang Moony a happy birthday,” Sirius says at the same time the elevator stops. The doors open and Sirius is forced to separate from him.
“They are lovely, aren’t they?” He says and starts walking towards their room.
“Yeah,” Peter chuckles. “They probably planned that months ago.”
They probably did, he can even bet that they planned it as soon as the dates of the tour were out, realising that it was near his birthday.
“They are the best,” Sirius murmurs.
Then they stop when they each reach their room. James looks at them and smiles.
“C’mon here,” he says and next thing they know, they are being pulled into a group hug. “So fucking proud of you, of us,” he says and yeah, that is James.
“Love you so bloody much,” Sirius says to all of them.
“Love you too, Pads,” James and Peter say at the same time.
“Oh, stop this sentimental shit!” they hear Mary behind them, they turn to see her but never break the hug. Lily and Marlene are next to her, teasing smiles on their faces.
“Don’t be bitter, darling,” Sirius tells Mary. “Get in here!”
The girls rush and make themselves space between them and they all hug and laugh. This, this right here? This is why it is all worth it. This feeling of accomplishment. This feeling of friendship. This feeling of love. The band may have never been Remus’ dream but the sense of belonging was. And he made it. He hears Lily’s laugh and his chest is unbelievably full . He sees Peter’s smile and he is happy for him and himself. He feels James’ warmth and he feels warm too. He hears Mary and Marlene talking about the show and he shares the pride of how well it all went. He feels Sirius. He just feels him, all the time, so close and still he wants him closer, closer, always closer .
“Ow, look at that, why are we never like that?” He hears Barty talking from afar.
“Probably because Reg would kill us first,” Evan answers and he hears a scoff, Regulus more likely.
“He isn’t wrong though,” Regulus says.
“We all can hear you, guys,” Lily tells them, there is a certain familiarity with how Lily is with them. He knows that she met them before all of them did, but it is more than that. She likes them, she has already taken them under her wing, making them part of her group. Part of them . Their little family they’ve made.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to intrude,” Evan apologises, he is the one who is always apologising for the three of them.
“Oh don’t be, get in here, it was your first show as well,” Lily invites them to the hug and he can feel Sirius tensing on his side.
“I don’t think we should-” Evan starts talking, Remus just then turns his head to see the three men, Regulus is as tense as Sirius is and he is shaking his head, it is a slight movement but it is there. Evan seems worried about how his friend is reacting.
“Bullshit, I do want a hug,” Barty says grinning and walking towards them, Lily welcome’s him. “Come on,” he begs his friends to join them. Evan sighs and makes himself space between Mary and Peter. “Reg!”
Remus sees how Regulus hesitates. Eventually he walks to them and stops next to Barty, not because he was the closest to him, that would be Evan but in a way, Remus just knows Barty is the closest to him, the one that makes him safe. Remus has seen Sirius do the same with James. When everyone is waiting for Regulus to join the hug, something changes in his gaze.
“I’d rather not, I’m going to sleep,” he says, coldly, and then turns to see Barty. “Do I wait for you?”
James shifts in his place and his warmth is turning almost as cold as Regulus’ voice.
“Yeah, I won’t be long,” Barty replies, oblivious to the way James (who is on his left) shifts his weight away from him. Regulus gives him a simple nod and then leaves. Not looking back.
The hug doesn’t linger much after that, they all say their goodbyes and promise to see each other in the morning to eat breakfast together. Remus isn’t sure Sirius or James promise that, even so they manage to smile through the whole thing.
Remus is grateful when he finally is in his and Sirius’ room. The second the door is closed they are embracing Remus’ as tight as they can.
“I know, love, I know,” he tells them. Because well, he knows . He quite doesn’t know what Sirius is thinking or feeling, but he knows it’s not good. He just saw his brother for the first time in God knows how long and also, his brother is James’ star. So, things aren’t looking good for anyone.
“He is…” Sirius shuts his eyes. “Regulus, he is-” he can’t seem to complete the sentence, as if it is painful.
“Sirius. I know ,” he murmurs into his hair. Sirius looks at him confused at first and then he realises.
“How?”
“Sweetheart, I know you and you two have as much similarities as you do differences,” he explains. Sirius closes his eyes again.
“He is so big, Moony. I mean, he is a man now,” they laugh, but it is not a playful laugh it is a pitiful laugh. And Remus just knows he is not pitying Regulus, he is pitying themselves. “And the way he sings and plays the bass. The bass. Like me,” they smile. “God, he is so big,” Sirius says and he starts crying, really crying. Sobbing. Remus just holds them and it breaks his heart seeing his love breaking apart. At some point Sirius’s legs just give up, so Remus lifts him up and gets them to bed, Remus leaves him for a couple of minutes to change Sirius into comfortable clothes (Remus also changes), then he is back in bed, holding them through their crying.
Eventually, Sirius falls asleep with Remus stroking his hair, no matter that he was already sleeping, Remus didn’t stop until he fell asleep too.
By the morning, Sirius is the first to wake up, he can feel when he gets up the bed and hears the way they slowly close the bathroom door, it warms his heart to know Sirius cares and those little details are just proof of that. He drifts back to sleep until Sirius wakes him up.
“Hey, Moony,” he shakes his shoulder a bit and laughs when Remus groans. “I know you don’t want to wake up, but we need to get breakfast.”
“Mmm, do we?” Remus manages to say.
“Well, we did tell the others we would,” Sirius says.
“No,” is Remus' answer and holds Sirius by their waist and pulls them towards him. Sirius is fast and positions themselves so they are sitting in Remus’ lap. Sirius has a big smile on his lips, like all of yesterdays’ crying didn’t even happen. He can’t believe his luck sometimes, the beauty Sirius Black holds is from another world. And the way they are smiling at him so in love and happy and soft.
If he had to choose a word to describe Sirius it would be ethereal. Sirius Black is ethereal.
Remus knows that he, himself, was Sirius’ first fan. Even when he didn’t know what it was to love he found himself mesmerised by the sight of Sirius. Everything he did was amazing, even when he was down, he was amazed by them. All of Sirius is worth admiring. Sirius is the closest thing to perfection.
“What?” Sirius asks so purely while tilting his head a bit.
“Nothing. You are just really beautiful,” he says. “How are you so pretty, my love?” Sirius blushes, as they always do when he calls them like that.
“I- I am not. You are just biassed, Moony,” he says and leans to give him a kiss, Remus meeting him halfway.
Watching Sirius have absolutely nothing to kiss him, Remus feels he is in the heaven Sirius is from when he kisses them. It feels inviting and welcoming. There is some twisted part of Remus that feels possessive and utterly proud to be the only one who gets to kiss Sirius nowadays. There was a time, before they were a thing, where he had to see Sirius kiss other people, he has seen them kiss some of his ex partners, Mary for a while, even see them kiss James once or twice and Remus would die wishing to be him. He knew, Remus knew, that he would be the one to treat Sirius as they deserved.
And well, he was right, wasn’t him?
“Mmm, I love you,” Sirius says when they stop kissing.
“I love you more,” he answers.
“Come on, we are having breakfast,” Sirius orders and Remus does nothing else than to follow them.
It’s an hour later when the girls and them are having breakfast in the restaurant of the hotel, a tradition they have had since they started touring together, after every first show, they will have breakfast at the buffet, secretly wanting to feel as human as possible for what they have coming.
Remus is sitting between Lily and Evan, facing Sirius who has James in their right and Mary in their left. Apparently the only ones missing are Regulus and Barty.
James and Sirius are laughing like little kids, they are like that, two in one, a part of the other, a whole of the same. They have something Remus would never dare to compete and would never dare to take away. He loves them both so much. Remus is talking with Evan about the show and he is asking how he can improve so he doesn’t feel so sore the following day, he is telling him how that remains but the pain is less and less each time he performs. Suddenly his attention goes directly to Sirius because the laughter has stopped, they are not laughing anymore, not Sirius or James. But another laugh takes over and Remus is surprised to turn around and see that it belongs to Regulus. He’s only known Regulus for less than a day but the sight of him laughing feels like those things you only see once in a lifetime.
“ Fuck off ,” he hears Regulus tell Barty with a smile, watching him take the place left in the right, between Peter and Marlene, leaving Regulus to sit between Evan and James.
“Why are you… smiling ?” Evan asks him once he is settled.
“I can smile,” Regulus says, with no smile on his face.
“Yeah, but you don’t, why are you?”
“Barty est un idiot,” he answers with a perfect french accent, amusement in his tone.
“Oui, c'est connu, mais pourquoi cette fois?” Evan asks back in french as well.
He knows for a fact Sirius is understanding this, he is playing with the food on his plate but not eating, Remus knows he is listening.
“Je te dirai quand nous aurons fini de déjeuner,” Regulus says and points to Sirius with his eyes. Evan seems to understand perfectly because he just nods and continues talking to Regulus in french.
One glance and he can see James blushing, oh, he is an idiot. Remus adores that man, but there is no denying he is an idiot. An idiot gone for Regulus, who is not even acknowledging James’ presence right now. He is refusing to turn his way or maybe Sirius’ way, either way, he is pretending they are not even there.
“Lost my appetite,” James says and Sirius turns to see him in surprise. James gets up and just goes, Sirius following him closely. At this, Regulus turns to see James and for a couple of seconds, Remus can see guilt in his eyes. He follows what James does with his eyes until he is out of his sight, then sighs and turns to look around, finding Remus looking at him. He blushes. Remus grins at him.
“Shut up,” says Regulus.
“I didn’t say anything,” Remus replies, still grinning.
“You didn’t have to,” Regulus scowls.
Remus shouldn’t laugh, but he does. This is going to be an interesting tour for sure.
They have the whole day to go around and explore the city, even though they have been here before, they show Evan and Barty the city, while Regulus went his own way to look around. Remus was tempted to go with him, he is going to museums and stuff that he also likes, but he knew he had to be next to Sirius for the day, distract him a little, and obviously, they had to be next to James.
However, they don’t spend the whole day out, because they have a plane to catch at night, so they can rest when they arrive for the show tomorrow night in France. When they arrive at the hotel, Regulus also gets there at the same time. Barty leaves them as soon as he sees Regulus, they start chatting and Evan joins them. At any moment Regulus smiles, which is intriguing to Remus, because despite Sirius and him being brothers, they are so different in so many ways.
“Hey,” Lily appears in front of Remus.
“Hi, Lils.”
“So…” She starts saying. “Are we going to talk about it?”
“About what?” He asks genuinely confused.
“Them!” she points to where Regulus is.
Oh, it doesn’t actually surprise Remus that she knows or that everybody -except for maybe James- at this point knows that Sirius’ brother is on tour with them. But especially Lily, she is smart, smarter than most.
“I don’t…-” he starts talking but Lily interrupts him.
“You will and you are. We are going to talk about it, Remus,” she says and then lowers her voice. “That is Sirius’ brother right there. And not just that, he is also the guy who James’ been pining over for a while, even when we were together, he would remember him. It never bothered me, but this feels like something important. Like something is about to change for all of us, Remus, so yes. We are going to talk about it.”
Lily is right, he knows she is, he can feel it too. Something is about to change them all, but he has to believe that it will be for the better. But he’s also not stupid, it is going to take time and effort, especially from the brothers. What he doesn’t know is if this all will be worth it, if he is ready for a change like that to come into their lives.
Whether he wants it or not, it is already happening.
“What gave them away? Sirius and Regulus, I mean,” he says.
“From the first time that I met Regulus there was something familiar with him, I didn’t know what it was but I couldn’t help but feel that I knew him,” she starts explaining as they walk towards the elevator, leaving the rest behind. “And then I saw them two days ago in the club and talked to them for a while. He has the same demeanour as Sirius when they are bored or annoyed, like exactly the same, Remus. But still, I couldn’t place where I knew him from,” she says and all he does is nod along everything she is saying. “I knew that he was James’ star because we were dancing and he just looked at him, and… well, I know damn well how James looks at someone he fancies.”
Remus nods and remains silent. He knows it is not going to be long before everybody is talking about the brothers.
“I like them, Remus,” Lily says. “I think… I feel that this is going to be hard but with a happy ending, you know?”
“Yeah, I do. It is going to change us all, Lily. I’m just not sure how to deal with that change, how to protect Sirius for what is to come, how to remain calm for when James finds out that he is Sirius’ brother,” Remus exhales, not knowing he was keeping all his air in.
“It’s one hell of a drama, isn’t it?” she says and smiles at him.
“To say the least,” he smiles too.
They go to Lily’s room, just talking about everything that is happening and also about what may happen. Lily was his first friend, it wasn’t James, Peter or Sirius, it was her. She wasn’t afraid of the scars on his face, she was just as alone as he was, with a family and a sister but still lost in the world or where to fit in, she just wanted a friend as much as he did. That was the magic, that alone brought them together. And yes, the guys are also his best friends, but the thing he has with Lily is nowhere near the same. Lily is special to all of them, precious even.
By the time he leaves her room and goes to his, James is cuddling with Sirius and watching TV, they look like they are about to fall asleep.
“Hey, Moons,” Sirius greets him, a smile appearing on their face.
“Hi, Moony,” James smiles at him too.
James and Sirius move to their left at the same time, not even thinking about it, just doing it so Remus can fit in the bed next to Sirius. They spend the time they have left watching part of a movie and enjoying each other's company. Remus knows that James is anxious for the next day, he is always excited to go there, but this time he has found what he always looked for. It is not surprising that he is next to Sirius all the time, looking for support without asking and Sirius giving it to him without hesitating.
This time, they are going to travel all in the same plane, the three bands are going to have to be together. James sits with Sirius this time and Remus with Mary, while Peter is sitting next to Marlene. Pandora is with Lily, Barty and Evan are talking about something in the back and next to them is Regulus sitting alone with his headphones.
“Next stop, France,” Pandora tells them when they are about to take off. James looks over his shoulder to see where Regulus is.