Time, curious time
“Are you okay?” Sirius whispers to James.
They are sitting in front of their manager’s desk, they’ve been waiting for her for about fifteen minutes. They have to discuss the final details of their new tour which starts in a week. It's not too much to talk about, but according to the email Pandora sent them, it was important information. And James is anxious as he always is when something big and important is about to happen in his life. He feels unable to stay still, feeling the need to move, but he knows he can’t move as he wants, so all his anxiety goes to his leg, bouncing it up and down while he is sitting down. Sirius, who is sitting on his left, puts a hand on his knee. James sees his friend’s hand full of rings and painted nails, it brings him comfort to know someone notices him and obviously it had to be Sirius. There is no one in the world who would know him better than him, at times like this James wonders if he was making Sirius anxious as well or they were sharing the same anxiety because they have that kind of bond.
“Yeah,” he replies and Sirius tilts his head, not believing him. “Just anxious, don’t worry,” he knows Sirius is about to reply to him but is interrupted when Pandora enters the office.
“Hi, loves, sorry for the waiting, I’m going insane with all the last details,” she sits in her chair. “Anyway, how are you?” she shows them a kind smile.
If there is something James got to know about her in the time they’ve been working together is to not let her smile fool you, she could end you without hesitation. And he didn’t learn that because she ever threatened them, but he has seen her end other people. If she wants something, she has it done. One way or another. Don’t let her looks deceive you, she may look cute and tiny but she is fearless and relentless. There is no question to why she got her job at such a young age, she is only four years older than him and she is bossing them around.
“We’re fine, thank you,” Remus answers her.
“Excellent,” she smiles again and wastes no time to start talking business. “Well, my loves, I’m pleased to tell you that you have your second opening act secured for the tour. I met them a few days ago and they are as lovely as they can be. Personally I think they will be a great addition to the show, I have seen their audition and believe me, they bring something electrifying to the stage,” she tells them and that captures James’ curiosity. “The band is called The Sekans and is formed by three beautiful young men, I think they are a great contrast to WOM3N.”
WOM3N is a band formed by three of their long-lasting friends, three beautiful women who went to Hogwarts with them. Mary, Marlene and Lily decided to pursue the musical path when The Marauders launched their first cover on YouTube. When they signed with Phoenix Records, they knew they had to help their friends somehow so they asked if they could be their opening act on the first tour they did, thankfully the label agreed and now WOM3N is signed with the same label as them.
“You most likely will meet them in Basel as they have their flight booked at a different hour than you and the girls, but apart from that, you will travel together,” she informs them and James feels eager to know them. He knows what it feels like to be given an opportunity like this one, he remembers how he felt when they offered them to travel around the world for the first time, he feels like it was yesterday, but it was almost five years ago.
The meeting doesn’t last long after that, they are told what they already knew from last tour, the only significant difference is that now they’ve become a bigger and known band so being all alone in the streets is less allowed (she looked straight to James when she mentioned that part). And of course, they will be sharing flights and hotels with a new band to which they aren’t upset.
Still, James’ anxiety doesn’t go away, not even when they are leaving the building. Two years ago he came to the realisation that being in that building brings him a lot of anxiety and stress, and generally it doesn’t go away for the rest of the day. It is hard, because that exact building is what has given him the opportunity to be where he is today and he will forever be grateful for that, but sometimes he wishes he never entered the building, he wishes he could go out with his family as they used to do, but is not like that anymore. If he wants to go on holidays with his parents he needs the label to approve the time and place so they are safe from paparazzis or even fans (he is not mad about them, though, James feels like they are part of him now).
“The girls are going to meet us there, James?” Peter asks him and James just now realises that they are already in the car, Peter next to him while Sirius and Remus are in the front with Remus driving. Having the label approve that they can drive themselves without the need of a driver was a challenge, mainly because they have an issue with timing, they are always late. But honestly, they rather be late than being driven around, it makes them uncomfortable. The only times when they do have a driver is when they are on tour in new places where they most likely get distracted and lost.
“Yeah, Lily told me she was already on her way,” he answers.
They are heading to his parents’ place. It's kind of a tradition, every time they are about to do something big in their career (like releasing an album or going on tour) they go to the Potter’s. The boys have known his parents since they were eleven years, while the girls since they were fifteen, even so, they feel like a big family. His mother, Euphemia, is like a mother to all of them. He remembers when Marlene came out to her first than anyone because she felt safer with her, that day they talked for hours and the next day she came out to her own mother. James thinks it is because she needed reassurance that her own mother was going to love her no matter what, he knows his mother told her that. His father, Fleamont, is like his mother, they all see him as a second father, always coming for advice, like the time Peter wanted to ask someone on a date when they were in fifth grade and they made an elaborate plan to make it happen.
And then there’s Sirius, who actually sees them as his parents, they may have a different blood type, but he is their son. It should be weird, but it isn’t, James is happy to share them, really, his parents have so much love in them that keeping it all to himself would be considered a crime.
So, yes. They are going to stay in his parents house for the rest of the week until Remus’ birthday, which is a day before the tour starts. He is happy to see his parents and he is happy to have some normal days before the tour, feeling like he is sixteen again.
Remus drives for a couple of hours, knowing the path by heart, he is humming the songs that Sirius is playing while holding their hand. Peter decides to have a nice nap before they get there and he can’t blame him, as loving as his parents are, they always have them on schedule. James is just watching the landscape, enjoying every bit of it. He remembers when they were younger and took the same way to his parents house, when they had big dreams, always full of energy. He feels nostalgic thinking about their younger versions, because they made it. Together they made it.
When James starts seeing his parents house he sits straight and the anxiety he once had is starting to disappear. He can see Sirius doing the same thing as him, sitting straight and leaning forward as if the position is going to make them get there faster. James knows the feeling, they both know they are about to arrive home. That’s what that is, their home.
Remus parks next to another car, which means the girls are already there, they all get out of the car, not caring about their luggage, only about greeting everyone. Euphemia, like every other time they go to her house, is already opening the door before they get the chance to knock. Peter is the first to hug her, pushing them to get to her.
“Effie! How are you?” he says with more energy than he had in the car. Euphemia laughs in the hug.
“I’m fine, Peter, thank you. How was the trip?” she asks him and lets him go.
“It was fantastic,” Peter answers with a big smile, everybody knows he is eager to see Fleamont.
“Yeah, because you didn’t drive,” Remus is the next one to hug her. “You look as beautiful as always, Effie,” he says and Euphemia chuckles. Since they were young, Remus has always been Euphemia’s favourite, she always says that he is a charming gentleman.
“Oh, Remus,” she says and lets him go, giving him a pat on his shoulder for making that compliment and making her blush, Remus smiles and laughs. Then she turns to see Sirius and James. “My boys!” she says and her smile is still big, but it changes, is softer and the love in her eyes is different. She hugs the two of them at the same time, James on her left and Sirius on her right. “I missed you so much,” she whispers so only they can hear her.
“I missed you too, mum,” they say. James remembers when Sirius started calling his parents as ‘mum’ and ‘dad’, it was an accident at first, but it felt right, they’ve been living with James since he was sixteen and even before that, being best friends wasn’t enough, they had to be family, even that isn’t enough sometimes.
“Are they here?” a female voice asks and Lily appears in the door, behind Euphemia. She is wearing a red sweater and a patterned skirt, she looks gorgeous. “Took you long enough, we were about to start eating without you, guys,” she jokes, he knows she is joking because there is no way on Earth that Euphemia Potter would let that happen knowing her sons were coming over.
“As if,” Sirius says, knowing exactly what James knows about their mother.
“Well, come in,” Lily ushers them.
When they are inside, James can see his father talking with Mary, she looks excited about whatever she is telling him and he just listens, nodding. Marlene is on the couch watching something on the TV. Mary is the first to see them.
“Guys!” she says and comes running to them, jumping to hug them, she was heading for no one in particular but she knew someone was going to catch them and that someone was Sirius. He embraces her and lifts her off the ground a little. “Oh, I missed you guys,” she tells them when she is on the ground again and free of Sirius.
“We missed you too, Mary Darling,” Remus replies. Mary Darling has been the nickname they gave her since they were in Hogwarts. It suits her.
“There are no hugs for me or what?” a voice asks from behind Mary and there is Marlene with an eyebrow raised.
“Of course there are hugs for you, Marls,” James says and does exactly what Sirius did with Mary, when he lets her down, his dad is next to him. “Hi, dad,” he hugs his dad. There is something different about the hugs his father and mother give. He can’t really explain it, because the kind of love is the same, but the way they display it is different, unique to them.
After a few minutes, they all were sitting at the table, they had to pull some chairs and squeeze tight together so they could all fit, but they always do. They eat and chat. James feels happy, happier than he had been in a while. He has ears for all the conversations going on; Sirius talking to Remus and Mary, Marlene talking to Effie and Lily, Peter talking to Monty. James is just listening, absorbing all this happiness in. Lily, who is on his right, puts a hand on his arm and squeezes it a little.
“Hi,” he whispers.
“How are you?” Lily asks him, genuinely interested in knowing the answer.
“I’m happy,” he answers and takes a look at everyone.
“I’m glad, but you know what I mean,” she tells him with a soft tone, caring. Concerned.
The thing is, Lily and James used to date. They dated for around three years and they broke up around a year ago. Apart from his parents and Sirius, he would dare to say that Lily Evans is the person that knows him the best. They have known each other since they were kids, although they didn’t like each other too much back then, but eventually the friendship grew and with time romantic feelings were developed. And they were great together, a little too great, it worked perfectly, no fights or discussions, everything was… great . Or so they thought, the fact was that they loved each other so much that sometimes they wouldn’t realise that it was okay to be angry or mad at the other. At some point, towards the end of the relationship, he believes Lily resented him, for not being able to get mad at him for things that she had every right to. And so did he. They found out that they are always trying to be the perfect version of themselves, but that isn’t real, and he is not saying that they weren’t, real that is, because they absolutely were. They were vulnerable and true to each other, a safe space. They loved each other so much, they still do, they forever will. Just not romantically. James has lovely memories with Lily, he will always be fond of her, she is one of the people he cares the most in the world.
And she knows him.
So she knows he has been struggling lately with the job he has, he gets frustrated and irritated easily, he feels stressed all of the time. He is lacking inspiration to write new songs and the label is asking- demanding - for a new album, even though they released one just last year. Besides, Lily knows firsthand the kind of pressure this job contains.
“I’m-,” how is he really? Because ‘fine’ doesn’t fit but he is not bad, he just is. “I’m excited for the tour, but I don’t want to leave this,” he looks at his parents and friends, knowing Lily is doing the same.
“I know,” she grimaces. And she does know, they are leaving together at the end of the week. James knows she wants to say more, he knows she wants to make him feel better somehow, but right now it feels difficult to achieve.
Over the week at his parents, the girls stay at their own bedroom (because of course they have one), James and Sirius each have their own bedroom while Remus and Peter share one, there is always one spear bedroom that has never been used, but his parents insist that they never know who might use it. No one ever goes in. No one bothers.
The house itself is big, sometimes too big for just a couple but when they come over it feels barely big enough. James’ parents are wealthy, they always have been, but they never showed off or make it seem like a big deal, they just were. When James started gaining money he wanted to give his parents some but they never accepted it, they said that they had enough and what would be the point of having more. Obviously, James respected their decision but he still buys them presents (because no one can ever decline a present).
By the fifth day at his parent's, they were exhausted, they had done everything they could: a water fight with water guns (the girls against the boys, he has no idea how but the girls won), a bonfire with marshmallows, karaoke night, board games night, and more random things they could come up with. The night of the fifth day (out of six) they were all sleeping, resting for what is coming, Remus and Sirius fell asleep at Sirius’ bed as they always do since before they started dating, Peter in his own bed, Marlene, Mary and Lily managed to fit in one bed, his father fell asleep long before all of them and that leaves James with his mother.
They are sitting on the couch and Effie being his loving mother could sense something was off with him.
“You need to enjoy these moments, sweetheart. You spend so much time thinking about what can come that you forget the present,” Euphemia tells him, while her hand is on James’.
That night he cries like he was a little kid, but in his mother’s arms he will always be. Effie held him and told him caring words, making him feel better, enough and valid. The power only his mother has.
He fell asleep in his mother’s arms.
In the morning, he made breakfast for everyone, it was their last day there and then tomorrow they’ll be leaving. The day went fast, they laughed a lot. James knows that when they are at that house, none of them feel like famous people, they feel normal and younger. The sixth and final night, they waited till it was midnight to sing happy birthday to Remus and afterwards Sirius sneaked into James’ room as they used to when they were sixteen and their lives were different. But them? They will never be different. No matter what changes, they will be the same, they will love each other the same.
“You should be with Moony, Pads,” he tells them.
“He’s the one who told me to be here tonight,” Sirius says, moving to face James. “He knows our nights before leaving are special,” they are. Sirius and James have been doing this since he moved in with the Potters, before they started a new school year they would sleep together, before they first performed live as a band, before they signed in with their label, before they went on their first tour, before Sirius had his first date with Remus, before James asked Lily out. But also after they finished school, after they cancelled a show, after Sirius had a bad day, after Lily and James broke up, after their first tour, after Remus and Sirius broke up one time. They’re each other’s before and after, people will come and go, but they are forever, they will remain. “Are you really okay, Prongs?” they ask him.
“Yeah,” is his first instinct to answer, but it is Sirius, who knows him better than James knows himself. “Sometimes, I’m so tired of this,” he admits, feeling small. This is his dream, it always has been, but sometimes it is consuming.
“I know,” Sirius whispers, saying it like it is a top secret. “I do, James. I think we all do, but,” they make a pause, searching for the right words. “We don’t have to go through it alone, do we? I- I mean, if we know, at least us,” he points to both of them. “There’s no reason to live it alone. That was the whole point of making a band together, right? So we would be, well…, together.”
“Yeah, yeah. I suppose you are right, Pads,” James tells him and he doesn’t think Sirius knows how much their words mean, the weight they just lift up his body and soul. He knows he is not alone in this, but a reminder like that is always good to hear.
They talk for a couple of hours, Sirius tells him about how his relationship with Moony is going and how the fans are starting to speculate, although they’ve been doing it since day one. James listens, because sometimes that’s what he does best. Eventually they fall asleep, cuddling each other, feeling at ease and safe.
The trip back to London is nostalgic, he can feel it in the car, the sense of leaving something behind and, well, they were. This time Peter is driving and Remus is playing the songs (he demands it because it’s his birthday). James and Sirius are cuddling in the back, missing their parents and talking about where to take Remus to celebrate him.
At the end, they chose a commonly known club but with enough security for them to enjoy the night. Remus insists they don’t have to go, because the next day is the first show of the tour and they have to travel, so being hungover is not a pleasing option. They ignore him. James chose something simple to wear, just a white striped shirt with dark red trousers. He didn’t want to draw too much attention. Sirius, however, didn’t agree. They were wearing a black transparent blouse, letting his tattoos show up, black leather pants and combat boots. Remus almost tripped when he saw them, he is so valid for that.
“Jesus Christ, Moony, stop drooling,” Peter teases him and Remus only flips him off and offers Sirius a hand so they can take it.
“Oh, please, let him drool, Pete,” Sirius says. “It is good for my ego.”
“That’s enough reason for me to stop drooling, love,” Remus says and gives Sirius a little kiss on the forehead.
“James,” Sirius calls him as if he wasn’t standing next to him. They are at their London flat that they’ve been sharing for quite some time now. “Moony won’t drool for me,” he pouts.
“Isn’t that just so mean?” James says softly, always on his best mate’s side.
They arrived at the club minutes before the girls did. Mary and Lily were wearing beautiful dresses, Mary was wearing green while Lily was wearing red, they were silk. Marlene on the other hand was wearing fancy black trousers with a black top. They look beautiful and powerful.
“You look beautiful, Lils,” James tells her as a greeting. And she does, Lily is in the top people he considers the most beautiful he’s seen. She still manages to take his breath away sometimes.
“Thank you, James, so do you.”
They didn’t need to line up to enter the club, perks of being famous and that. When they were inside the music was too loud for his liking, but he eventually adapted and started enjoying it. They absolutely had plans of getting plastered and they are working on exactly that, but the main goal of the night is getting Remus as drunk as possible. You’ll see, Remus has a high tolerance to alcohol, it’s completely absurd. James has danced with Mary, Peter and Marlene by the time it is his turn to go get the drinks, the mission of getting his friend drunk is going alright but is still a long way to go.
“Hi,” he shouts the bartender through the music. “Can I get seven shots of tequila, please?” he asks him. The bartender opens his eyes in surprise, he looks young, around twenty years old. “Oh no, it’s for me and my friends. Hope you didn't think they were all for me,” James chuckles and shakes his head, his hair moving around.
“You are James,” the bartender says, it isn’t a question, it is a confirmation. They’ve been in the club for two hours and not one person has come up to them. But the bartender recognised him and he’s a little tipsy for that to bother him. “From The Marauders, right?”
“Yeah, man,” James says proudly. “I really could use the drinks, though,” he says as politely as he can. He loves his fans, but he loves Moony more and right now he has to get him as drunk as possible.
“Oh, yes, yes, sorry, I- yes, coming right up,” he says and starts putting seven shots in the bar and filling them all till some of the liquid drops.
“Would you mind helping me get them to our table?” James asks and the bartender chokes. James laughs, he will never get tired of that kind of reaction, if only they knew James feels like an equal to them. The bartender ended up taking photos with them even with the girls, as it turns out he is a fan of WOM3N as well, he chats with them until he has to get back to serving drinks with the promise of not posting the photos that night. And then they continue with their night.
He is dancing with Lily when it happens. He has his hands in Lily’s waist moving to the sound of the music surrounded by unknown people, but that person. Oh, that person he knows. That person he dreams of and sometimes mistakes meeting them for a dream. That person he used to search in every room for a whole year, hoping, praying that he was going to be there. He freezes and his gaze is directly on him.
His star.
Oh, he looks more mature, still beautiful, his hair is longer than James recalls, his cheeks are still a bit pink but this time he guesses it is because of the heat of the club or maybe the drink he has in his hand. He is barely dancing, but he is moving. He is wearing loose black pants, he is also wearing a black cropped turtleneck with a chain dropping from his neck, he has a black leather jacket on. And James swears he is salivating because of how good he looks. The man must feel someone looking at him because he starts looking around and when his eyes land on James he has to do a double take. James grins because of that. That means he remembers him as well, that he wasn’t just a dream.
“Are you alright, James?” Lily asks and James debates for a second if it is wise to stop looking at the man to turn to see Lily. He feels that if he looks away the man might disappear and he can’t for any reason let that happen. So he chooses not to see Lily.
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be back in a second,” he says and starts walking towards the star. But the man has another plan, he starts walking to the loo, of course James just follows. What else is he supposed to do? Fortunately for James, there is a line to get in. Unfortunately for James, he has no fucking clue what to say.
“Too stunned to speak?” the man says, even though his face isn’t telling him any emotion, James knows he is teasing him. But yes, James is in fact too stunned to speak.
“Something like that, yeah,” he grins.
“Hello, James ,” oh and the way he says his name. James notices that the French accent is not as strong as it used to be, that makes him want to pout. The man leans on the wall while he waits in the line. James puts a hand next to his head and rests his weight on it.
“Hello, star,” he replies. The man’s eyes sparkle for a moment. God, he is so beautiful. This man is definitely at the very top of the most beautiful people he’s ever seen. “How nice is seeing you here, a bit far from France, isn’t it?”
“Not that far away,” he says. “I wouldn’t dare to be so far from that place.”
“Then what are you doing here and not home?” James dares to ask.
“I don’t live there anymore. So much has changed in these last years, James.”
Your beauty hasn’t, James can’t help to think. But in any case, if it has changed, it’s only to make him more beautiful, and it is incredibly ridiculous how that is even possible. His factions are sharper and more defined. No one, hear him out, no one should be allowed to be that beautiful.
“Indeed it has,” James agrees with him. “So, you live here now?”
“Yes, I do. Still with my two idiots best friends,” he says, and that’s another thing that hasn’t changed, James notices. The way he insults his friends but the fondness is still lingering in his tone. “Actually, they are somewhere around here, lost them a while ago,” he says and starts looking around, scrunching his nose. Adorable.
“I’m here with my friends as well,” James says as if it is crucial information he has to share.
“Your bandmates?”
“Yes,” he smiles. “And other friends as well,” he says thinking about the girls.
Eventually they end up having a conversation, although they have to shout to be heard they don’t mind, the sound and the world around them just vanishes . It’s just them. They start catching up, the Star is telling him how his friends forced him to come even though they have big plans tomorrow. At some point, the man stops talking and just stares at James, like wanting something. Or just wanting .
“This may seem odd, but,” the man says looking into his eyes. “Do you want to get out of here?”
“Yes,” he answers as soon as the question ends. “I just have to let my friends know,” James says and tries his best not to touch the man’s chin. He fails. “Be right back, love.”
“I’ll see you on the exit,” the man says and he’s leaving James alone.
He almost runs to his friends, he would if there weren’t so many people around. When he gets to the table, he instantly searches for Sirius. He finds him next to Remus who is sitting with both arms spread on the top of the booth they are, and Sirius, bless him, is drunker than both Remus and James together. They are two inches to get on Remus’ lap just so they can be closer .
“Pads!”
“Not now, Prongs, I’m seducing Remus,” he spills out his plan and Remus laughs, closing his eyes and throwing his head back.
“You are succeeding, love,” Remus tells them, still laughing. James shakes his head and faces Remus instead.
“Sorry, Moony, but I gotta go,” he says quickly. A beautiful man is waiting.
“Why?” Sirius asks.
“I found the star,” he enlightens them. Of course, his friends know about the nameless star he met years ago in France. They even helped him look him up but it was all dead ends without his actual name.
“Holy shit, really?” Remus asks.
“Yeah, yeah, tell you all about it tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” Remus asks. “We have to be at the airport at ten, James.”
“And he will, won’t you, Prongs?” Sirius intervenes, giving James a sharp smile. James nods fiercely.
“Yes, of course I will be there, don’t worry,” he promises. “I really gotta go now,” he says and doesn’t wait for them to reply, he just gives them a quick kiss on the cheek and heads off to the exit, not even caring about saying goodbye to anyone else. The man is waiting right there, again leaning on the wall, eyes closed momentally. “Shall we?” James asks and he swears he almost saw a smile on his face.
He actually can’t believe this is his luck, years ago he gave up on finding him, knowing that it was almost impossible. And right now, the man is just looking at him, expectant. James swears his beauty is beyond compare, he shines but is different, unique, the way he shines. He shines the way things only shine when a light is pointing directly at it. But when he does, he outshines everyone else. Your attention is drawn to him instantly and it is so hard to stop looking, no matter how hard you try. But honestly? James doesn’t want to try at all, he is quite pleased with the view.
“Let's go, James.”