✮ February 9th 2022 ✮

✮ Alice ✮

When she walked into the diner, her first thought was that Nars was at the table. Her Nars. Not Narcissa Black (or Malfoy now, but the thought makes her genuinely sick to her stomach), just Nars. The same strikingly beautiful Narcissa who used to come out of their room at twelve p.m., still foggy with sleep, and demand coffee while she napped on the sofa. The one who played songs just for them to hear, the one who she used to watch reality TV with and go grocery shopping with and-

It was Narcissa. 

A halo of white hair puffed out with rollers, surrounding the eyes she fell for. But that's just it, isn't it? They're the eyes she fell for. And she can search for similarities, and tell herself that maybe nothing has changed all she wants but that doesn't change the irrevocable fact that she's different now. They both are, but the tragic part in all of this isn't Alice loosing herself, she'd prepared for that long ago, it was loosing the one person she never thought she'd loose. 

The hardest part of life, in her opinion, is coming to terms with it when you don't know somebody anymore. She knows that Narcissa doesn't eat apples, and that she doesn't use heat in her hair, that she loves orange flavoring but hates oranges (even if she can peel them perfectly), that she's completely silent in her sleep, and that her favorite season is summer, but she doesn't know what she's been doing for the last two years. And she still doesn't know why she left. 

So, she guesses, the real tragedy of it all is that Alice let them both down. Maybe that's too self-deprecating, or victimizing, or whatever. Maybe it's none of that. Maybe it's just life, and these things happen. 

But the not knowing isn't something she can handle. It eats her right up, and it talks itself into circles around her head. Alice doesn't sleep much anymore. It sort of reminds her of when she was a teenager, but worse somehow. It used to be rather trivial then. Fires, her mum, the tele, sports and such. Now the only thing she dreams of is Narcissa. Lily helps a bit, she clings to her in their sleep, because honestly they both need it. It's not the same though. They're both filling the gap somebody else left. 

Her lack of sleep is where she finds herself now. Or rather, the aftermath of it. Because apparently it's gotten so bad that she can't function during sessions with the band. So much so that Albus noticed and sent her home, the dick. If she could sing a month after everything happened she can sure as hell sing now. He's probably right though, she has enough tact to realize that. Especially because he had to let the rest of the band go early as well, because there's not much they can do without their lead singer. Lily went to Marlene's, as far as she knows. 

She comes home to an empty flat. It's a nice one. Smaller than the one she'd had with Narcissa, but really not small at all. (Narcissa's just materialistic, but you didn't hear that from her.) Alice didn't do much of the decorating when she and Lily decided to move in together, about, was it six months after Narcissa? Seven? Five- maybe. Either way most of it was Lily. She spent so long with everybody else, putting up plants and posters and little trinkets. It's nice, and she likes it well enough. Mostly she just followed Lily around like a puppy, soaking up every ounce of radiance from her. It made her feel a little better, but mostly it made her feel more human. And then, of course, came about a year after everything.

The death of Severus Snape. 

It was rough on Lily, like- real rough. It didn't help that the media ran with some bullshit story that she was partly responsible in his decision to be a fucking idiot. Regardless, Alice sucked it the fuck up and decided to be strong enough for the both of them. Because that's what friends are for, Lily picked her up, she held her and carried her through everything, so Alice did the same. 

They got drunk- but not too much. Alice organized get-togethers with their friends. The band came over a lot, and there was about a two month period after he died that nearly everybody lived there. Not even just the band, the boys too, and in a very weird turn of events Regulus and his friends. Mostly just the band though, like they were in Hogwarts again, cuddled up in one bed talking about their dreams with vodka mixed with Redbull (because they were children, sue them.) It was like that, except they mostly just surrounded Lily like a bird in a nest and held her, all of them. 

That's where some of their best lyrics came from, Alice thinks. The whispered half-songs caught between sobs and comforts in that bed that's far too small for four grown woman. 

It's still small when she sets her bags down and plops down on it, shoes and all. She lies down for a while, staring at the ceiling. Alice finds that she likes a smaller bed nowadays, it makes it less likely that she'll turn over and expect blonde hair. 

She's felt like shit for the past month, if she's honest. Everybody talks around the Black sisters (Until they're drunk, then anything's fair game.) They feel bad for her, she can tell. Her friends think they're helping and while she appreciates it she's stuck in this liminal space, one where it feels genuinely impossible to get out of. How the hell does she get over it if Narcissa's face is plastered on every billboard in the country? She could fly back out to England, but oh! Would you look at that! Hells Angels is popular out there too! 

Their album blew the fuck up, because of course it did. Narcissa wrote most of those songs, and she sings all of them. They have her written all over it and she'd be lying if she said she hasn't listened to all of them everyday since then. Always the dog, waiting at Narcissa's door. 

The actual album is brilliant. It's introspective, and tasteful, and everything that music should be. The press for it is well done, which is not surprising but impressive considering they don't have an agent anymore. The photoshoots for the album are clear to Alice in the sense that she knows what they represent. When the girls are photographed together, they're always wearing very modest clothing. Hair down, long sleeved black-and-white dresses that fall at their ankles. They feel melancholic. Haunting, almost. But when they're photographed alone it's purposefully scandalous. Revealing outfits, taunting eyes and coy smiles. Some of them are direct recreations of photoshoots from when they were teenagers. 

All of them have the same tagline at the bottom: 

Am I making you feel sick? 

Toxine. Out now. 

 

The quote is from their song "Strangers", which was written about Bellatrix. She's come to assume that the song is about Tom Riddle, which it seems like a lot of them are. If she's honest Alice doesn't know much about him, or their situation. Narcissa explained a bit of it to her, the things they were doing for him, but every time she brought it up after Narcissa left home she shut down entirely. It's delicate. She never wanted to be the kind of partner who forces things out of her, so she just thought that if Narcissa ever wanted to talk about it she would. 

It seems that Toxine is her way of doing that. Alice just wishes she could've done it with her first, instead of the world at large.

It makes her sick, when she listens to the songs. But she knows that's the point. Tom Riddle went into hiding after they quit, almost like he knew what was coming for him. 

Alice sighs, accepting her sleep-less fate after about an hour of moping and grabs her phone. She sees a couple notifications from the group chat from seven minutes ago, because apparently it's already one in the afternoon. 

BATTLE OF THE BANDS

[Sirius Black has kicked Regulus Black from Battle of the Bands]

[Marlene has kicked Dorcas Meadows from Battle of the Bands] 

[1:03] Lily: What did Cas do? 

[1:04] Marlene: No Cas. We haye Dorcas. 

[1:04] James: We do?? 

[1:05] Marlene: JES????? WHEN HAV WE NTOTT??

[1:05] Evan: I feel like we should leave as well. 

[1:06] Mary: Remind me why we added the Rosier twins to the gc? 

[Remus has kicked Barty from Battle of the Bands] 

[1:06] Remus: They're Regulus' friends. Olive branches, and all that.

[1:06] Lily: Not that I'm complaining, but why are we kicking them out now?

[1:07] Sirius: My brother's being a dick

[Remus has kicked Evan from Battle of the Bands] 

[Pandora has left Battle of the Bands]

Alice smiles a bit, rolling over onto her stomach. 

[1:09] Alice: And then there were two..

[1:10] Peter: We should fight to the death.

She gets up for a moment to put the kettle on, going through the motions of making tea without much thought. Somehow, she burns her finger on the steam and has to get a band-aid from the bathroom.

[1:20] Alice: Literally might text her

[1:20] Remus: Alice. I swear to god.

[1:22] Mary: Im sorry what about her cold dead eyes attracts you 

[1:23] Sirius: THANK YOU!!

[1:24] Alice: What about cold dead eyes DONT attract you?????!!!

[1:24] Marlene: thusg si reol

[1:24] Lily: Don’t worry I get it Alice.

[1:25] James: word

[1:25] Sirius: PRONGS????

[1:26] Mary: Lily??

[1:29] Remus: You’re all hopeless.

[1:29] Alice: Do u really want me to bring up that one summer rn?

[1:29] Remus: I’m sorry.

[1:31] Alice: Coward.

She drinks up half her tea. She takes a walk around the apartment. She tries, and fails to do a handstand. A Hells Angels commercial comes up on the tele, and she groans and almost pulls out her hair before turning it off. Alice sighs mournfully and picks up her phone again. 

[1:54] Alice: I HATE HER

[1:55] James: Right…

[1:57] Marlene: Alice u gey mw 

[1:57] Remus: Do you not have autocorrect?

[2:00] Marlene: aytocirect id fir the wesk 

[2:02] Sirius: Alice istg if you text my cousin

[2:13] Sirius: ALICE.

[2:17] Sirius: That’s it i’m going over there. Moony come with me.

[2:17] Remus: Ok.

[2:17] Mary: Oh so you just hate the rest of us then??

[2:19] Lily: We’re already on-route. 

[2:20] James: WAIT I WANNA COME!! WORMTAIL!!!!

[2:21] Peter: Im at ur house

[2:21] James: Ily!!!1!11!

Alice smirks and opens a box of beer. 

/✮/✮/✮/✮/

It takes everybody about thirty minutes to get there. (Except the girls, because Marlene speeds.) And about an hour later they're all sprawled out in their living room chatting. Nobodies reprimanded her about Narcissa, but Sirius did take her phone upon arrival and she hasn't seen it since. She doesn't even know Narcissa's number, but if she really wanted too she could contact her new management, or an assistant or something, so it's probably for the best. 

"So, you haven't heard from him, like at all?" Mary asks, resting her head on the arm of her chair so she's leaning towards Sirius. 

Sirius sighs dramatically, taking a swig of his beer and says, "No. I told him I'd give him a month to apologize. He just-" He throws his arms up and Remus gently takes the beer from his hand so it doesn't spill. "He's so stubborn! Reg, he- I still talk to him, right, like once a week? Just to check up? But now he's being all pissy because Lily isn't talking to him-" 

"You aren't talking to Regulus?" Alice pipes up, genuinely curious. 

Lily looks down at her, because her head is in her lap and winces a little sheepishly, like she's done something that might upset her. Honestly though Alice wouldn't be mad either way. While she is upset with Regulus and quite frankly considers him a selfish, stuck up cunt, she understands that Lily genuinely enjoys his company. She doesn't quite understand their friendship but at the end of the day it isn't up to her. Regulus was also there for Lily after Severus, so if he makes her happy than her opinions don't really matter much. 

"I stopped after they came back. Solidarity and all that." 

Remus chimes in with, "I'm not talking to him either, if it makes a difference." 

Alice's eyebrows furrow and she rolls over to steal Marlene's spliff and take a drag. Remus and Regulus have been friends for longer than him and Lily. 

"You can." Alice shrugs, "He knew, and he didn't say anything. Now she's back. Just because I'm upset doesn't mean you have to be." 

"Fuck off. Were upset on your behalf. None of us are going to choose a friend of Dorcas fucking Meadows over you." Marlene throws out, rather venomously. She takes the joint back and takes a concerningly long drag before falling back onto the floor. 

Marlene's grudge for the lead singer of the Pantheon runs deeper than most people know. They've always been at each other's throats, really, even in school. They never saw eye-to-eye, Dorcas always too rude, Marlene too explosive. It was one of the main factors in the wedge placed between their group of Slytherins and the rest of them. All for one, one for all and all that. 

It didn't help that Meadows is Marlene's biggest competitor. She's the female front of a band with Barty and Regulus but she writes nearly all of their songs by herself. It's actually really impressive if Alice is being honest. They always write their own songs too but she can't imagine not collaborating with her mates. Marlene and Dorcas, however, write like they share a brain. The medias' put them against one another for years, mostly because they're always nominated for the same awards. 'Best rock song' and whatnot. And Marlene has never been good with the press. Alice loves her to death, of course, but if Marlene is upset she's going to stir things up. She reckons that's half the reason Dorcas hates her so much: nobody gets under her skin like Marlene. 

Alice leans down and plucks the spliff Peter had been rolling out of his hand, fumbling around the cushions for her misplaced lighter. She should really just roll her own, but it feels better when she doesn't do it herself. Alice and Sirius often joke that they get free range on everything: they are the leads after all.

Most of them are well on their way to being high already, James strumming one of Lily's guitars in the corner, always the one to go non-verbal. Mary's texting somebody on her phone with the ringer up all the way so they can hear the tapping, though nobody seems to notice. Peter's busy rolling but next to the tin he's got Sybill's tumbler up, and he's been staring longingly at it for the past half hour. Alice thinks (?) that Sirius has fallen asleep but she can't really tell because he's got Remus' shades over his eyes. Despite that she doesn't miss how tightly he's holding Remus' hand. 

"Where's Frank today? Do you know?" Lily asks, nicking Marlene's light from her jacket slung over the couch. She shoots her a great full smile around the joint and takes a long drag once it's lit, handing it to Lily and letting her head roll back. 

She hasn't actually spoken to Frank that much, he's been prepping for a small tour around America so he hasn't had much time. She reckons they both find the fake dating a bit weird. It's hard to hang out as friends when you're supposed to be posing for cameras as well. Alice thinks a lot that it would've been easier with Peter, or Remus. At least then they would've all been faking it. 

Their original plan, right around the time Narcissa left and Albus has begun suggesting PR stunts for her, was for all of them to do it. They'd been talking about in it passing for a while, because it would've been perfect, really. The Marauders and The Valkyries have always been very public about their friendships, collaborating on projects, music videos, interviews too- sometimes. They even have a thing they do at tours where they cover one of their songs before the acoustic set. And, you know, just general group outings. Which means that the media has been very insistent with 'coupling' them up. It makes sense, especially because they're all a little guilty of teasing it for promotion. (And for fun, but that's besides the point.) 

It didn't work though. James and Lily outright refused to pretend with one another, and they all pretend they don't know why. Remus and Marlene had maintained an 'ambiguous' sexuality like the rest of them but they, Marlene especially, had started to be more overt with their sexualities. Peter wanted to go public with Sybil and Mary can barely stay with the same person for two weeks. Sirius and Alice did date, off and on, but that obviously didn't work. They were both after different people anyhow. 

"No. I should probably do another PR shoot with him soon though." She says, and she really should. Albus has been bugging her for weeks about it. 

Mary snorts and looks up from her phone, "You shouldn't have to do so much. It's not your fault Barbie decided to come back and ruin everything." 

It's safe to say that nobody really likes Narcissa right now. She gets it. She does. But even when she lived with Narcissa, she always got the feeling her friends were weary around her. Nobody really knows how to act around members of the Black family. Sirius tends to overcompensate, but even Regulus tends to set everyone on edge. Alice almost feels bad for them, deep down. They'll never know Narcissa like she knows her. 

As if being summoned, the tele, which they'd all been ignoring rings around the room with an almost haunting sense of clarity. Out of all the news stations the TV could've been on, it just happened to be the one broadcasting a Hells Angels interview. 

✮ November 15th 2014✮

✮ Narcissa✮

The dress her stylist put her in is far too itchy. The woman who dressed her isn't even her stylist, just a girl from the studio they're at. Ted organizes most of that sort for them with Andromeda, but they almost had to tie Bellatrix down to get her to wear clothes somebody else wanted her too again. Narcissa isn't thrilled either, but she's not fond of making such a scene.

At least the clothes are on brand. She's wearing a sleeveless white dress with a heart neckline that falls at her mid thigh, and they've but a diamond veil headpiece behind her bun. Her accessories are frivolous, an overabundant excess of diamonds. Diamond bracelet, diamond necklace, diamond earrings, diamond garter around her thigh, a large diamond engagement band that covers the 'A.A.F' tattooed on her finger. Even her heels, pearly white, are adorned with a diamond strap. Her outfit alone costs more than Frank Longbottom's net worth, not that she's counting. 

They're placed on a plush sofa, Bellatrix nearest the wall, then Andromeda, then Narcissa. As the interviewer does his silly vocal warmups, she meticulously positions herself. She drapes her wrist delicately over the chair's arm, making sure the pendant on her bracelet catches the light. But more importantly, she makes sure the small bracelet made out of string that sits above it catches the camera as well. Braided green and red, a gift from Alice. So small that it would be inconspicuous to the viewers, but Alice will notice. She always does.

Beside her, Bellatrix swings her feet like a child. Andromeda looks to be analyzing the interviewer, the way he moves about the vanity mirror just off camera. His award winning, Disney World, all American smile. His speech pattern is assertive, but not aggressive. In fact, it's almost forcefully kind. He goes out of his way to stop the female workers, calling them 'darling', and 'oh, Kelsey, how's your mother?' What a lovely man.  The electronic banner above the set reads 'Iconic' in bright, movie-star lights. 

People, as a whole, love to throw out the word 'iconic', nowadays. If you post a cheeky photo full of ass on Instagram, or say something scandalous on camera, you get to call yourself an icon. Narcissa thinks that that's bullshit. 

Alice would click her tounge fondly and call her bitter, but she isn't wrong. 

Iconic isn't for the young bouncy teens with their followers. The Black sisters, however, are iconic. They earned that title. Iconic is covering vouge 14 times before you're 20. It's suffering everyday of your life, taking the hits and caking makeup over your skin to hide them. It's walking the runway after your heels break, and you're so fatigued from fasting that you might faint. 72 hours of no sleep, hopping from plane to plane and still walking the runway without stumbling once. Iconic is being worth more than  several countries. Narcissa sees a lot of people online claiming that they had everything handed to them, because of their family name. 

All you do is pose for pictures. 

Narcissa hadn't prepared for it well, being in the spotlight again. It really shouldn't have frightened her. It's exactly what she wanted. The album was a success, and it opened a rather harsh discussion about child celebrities. But it did; frighten her. 

She's always had a strange relationship with fame. It was never something she loved; it was something she needed. The applause, the sharp shutters of camera lenses have always been akin to a drug for her. When she's in the thick of it, posing or walking a runway for the public, there's nothing better. It's everything in between that hurts. With every high comes the fall. Who do you smile for when you're alone? Who will love you when the lights are off? 

She'd expected coming back to fame to be better, like it used to be. But that's just it isn't it? Leaving doesn't change things, but leaving means that you still have to take yourself with you. No matter where Narcissa was, the one thing she couldn't escape was the irrevocable placement of her soul in her skin. She was still herself in Spain, and Portugal, and Korea. She tried her hardest to erase it only to come up again with the same weight in her bones she's felt since she was nine. 

Coming back was much the same, only she finds that she's picked up things as well. She sleeps longer from her time spent in the California sun, and she's gotten used to slowness. 

The second the countdown starts before the camera starts rolling they all snap into place. Immediately, out of pure habit. Bella's back is pin straight, her curls fall into place as if they have a mind of her own over her elegant black dress. Andy immediately plasters on her famous smile, relaxing into the seat as if there's nowhere else she'd rather be. The alarming whites of her teeth match her gloves, and contrast the short dark dress they've put her in. A startlingly loud into music plays through the loudspeakers, sounding to Narcissa like the theme to a children's show. 

"Good evening folks, we're here today with Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa Black of Hells Angels, give them a round of applause!" There's no actual crowd in the studio, unlike most of the other interviews they've attended in the past. Instead an applause track rings through the room. Even still, the interviewer looks out on the fuax crowd and throws his hands up energetically as if to agree with their so called applause. They all look out with him and smile politely. 

"So," The interviewer clicks his tounge and crosses one leg over the other so he can prop his head up with his elbow. He's a man of average appearance with an annoying American accent, the kind of man that's perfect for nighttime television. Narcissa can't be bothered to remember his name. "Toxine. Truly a spectacular album. So beautiful. Can you walk us through the decision to make it? It's a far cry from walking the runway that's for sure."

I don't want to die a teenage sex symbol. 

Rather than saying that, she hums and pasters on an award winning smile. "Oh well, we've always loved music. And after leaving the modeling industry we felt that we had a lot to say." The time to talk about Tom Riddle would come, but they agreed to tell the truth when the questions are asked. The world doesn't tend to like women who speak out of turn.  

"We wanted to explain how damaging it can be to grow up famous, especially as girls." Andromeda quips from Bellatrix's side. 

The interviewer nods in faux solemn as if he understands. It makes her want to pick at her skin until it rips open. Instead she clasps her hands in her lap and digs her nail into her skin, careful to shied the movement from the large industrial camera in front of her. 

"Yes, it's resonated with a lot of people. It deals with a lot of heavy topics as well. Did it come from personal experience or were there perhaps other things that inspired it?"

In some bitter, self-centered way she doubts the album resonated with that many people. There are people who did grow up like them, but your average person isn't relating to their songs. Narcissa finds that people tend to mistake emotion for relatability. They pity them, and they find the lyrics impactful, but they don't understand what they've gone through. It's as if a widower approached Orpheus after he failed to save Eurydice, and claimed that he understood his pain, when he never had to loose his lover twice. She supposes that mindset is hypocritical, and perhaps a sign of a victim complex, but that's hardly her greatest worry. 

"Both. Toxine is an expose on the things child celebrities, and children from sacred families go through. But yes, I suppose you could say it's our experience. But I doubt we were the only ones." Andromeda explains calmly. 

The interviewer nods once more. The next ten minutes or so are filled with pointless questions, or ones that Narcissa doesn't bother to commit to memory. Eventually he brings it back to the album, and finally gets to something they can latch onto. 

“I mean everything about this album has been amazing, the photo shoots too. Very progressive. Was that the- uhm- showing off- was that for promoting the album.”

They all stare him dead in the eyes as the laughter dies down nearly to a fault. She sees the doubt. Narcissa waits until she sees him shift in his seat to respond, crossing her legs and intertwining her hands in her lap.

“What a strange thing to say.” She replies cooly, a smile on her lips. Narcissa tilts her head. 

“I certainly never saw anybody say anything when we were in tube tops as girls, but then again we couldn’t really do interviews then. Could barely speak a word of English, you understand.” Andromeda cuts in. The media will rip them apart later, the mainstream blogs. But that’s exactly what they want; nothing shows hypocrisy like discomfort. People will see when the time comes. They're influential enough that nothing could really keep the people who love them away, so really it will only backfire onto them.

The interviewer shifts again and laughs awkwardly, trying to come up with a response. “Well uhm, I, uh, yeah it’s-“

“Do you need to see a speech pathologist? Come on Donald we’re all friends here!” Bellatrix interjects with false casualty. Apparently she’d remembered his name. 

Donald. What an ugly name.

“We don’t bite, swear.” They all laugh as if this is playful banter, but it hangs in the air while he continues his questions. 

He laughs. "Well I sure hope not! But as we close out, the fans are dying to know, is there a tour in Hell's Angels future?" 

"Well of course. We've been planning one for a while." Narcissa regulates her breathing. The studio lights wash over her, and as she looks out onto the non-existant crowd and straight into the camera's lens she speaks directly to the girl who she knows is watching. "In fact, we're planning on sending invitations to the openers we have our eye on very soon." 

Donald leans closer. "Openers?" 

"Yes, well, another band might be fun. No?" 

After the interview is over and they make small talk with the production team, taking their gift baskets with polite smiles and small 'thank you's', she leaves and is plunged into a whirl of camera clicks and blinding lights. They all smile until their cheeks hurt and wave like royalty, but she knows Bellatrix and Andromeda are thinking the same thing. 

They're alive now, but they could die right here and they'd still take pictures. Even when their bodies grow sick with rot, and the police break through the crowd with their guns. The cameras are not love. 

Fame is a two way drug, and one day it will kill them all. 

✮ February 12th 2022 ✮

✮ Alice ✮

When Albus calls a meeting for the band at 2AM, she already knows, deep in her soul what it's for. Alice didn't sleep after the interview. She barely ate, feeling sick to her stomach. It shouldn't be this way, she shouldn't be so upset at the thought of somebody she used to live with. Somebody she used to hold every night, someone she watched every season of 'The Bachelor' with. But she knew. 

Narcissa wouldn't have another band open for her. 

Her friends knew too. Sirius had thrown his hands up, 'oh for fucks sake'. Her band sat there, staring at the screen. Alice turned off the tele and got so drunk she blacked out. 

Now, she's in the backseat of a car wearing an outfit that costs more than her childhood home, bags under her eyes while Marlene speeds down the crowded New York streets. Outside the window thousands of people walk by. Laughing, crying, kissing. Some stop when they see them in the car, pointing in the brief moment they see their faces. One of their songs come on the radio, a pop one from a couple years ago and nobody bothers to turn it off like they usually would. 

Distantly, Alice has a feeling that some part of her friends think she's being dramatic. Maybe she is. She probably is. No girl should have her picking holes in designer trousers. But it's Narcissa. She's spent half of her life loving her, and she knows with complete and utter certainty that she will never love anybody else. Narcissa is burned into her soul, and there isn't a line in this world she wouldn't have crossed for her. 

It isn't even that Narcissa left her. It's just that she didn't tell her. 

She used to tell herself that Narcissa was grieving. She felt so bad, and so sick of herself for not being the person that her girlfriend could go to when her parents died. Alice feels bad, still. Obviously. But she doesn't understand. If Narcissa wants to be friends, that isn't something she's capable of. But she can't trust her again either. 

Narcissa knew how deeply it would hurt her. 

When they get to the Order of the Phoenix studios, Marlene parks the car with a huff. They sit in silence until Mary speaks. 

"If it's..." She trails off, turning back to look at Alice from the passenger seat. 

"I'll kill her. I mean it." Marlene says, "It's a shit offer to make." She reaches behind her for Alice's hand, holding it in her firm grasp with an intense stare. "You don't have to say yes." 

"Even if she asks you herself," Lily adds. 

Alice nods and swallows the lump in her throat. If she's going to be strong for anybody, it's them. 

Albus' studio is a large, seventy one story building at the heart of New York. They're engulfed in the sounds of camera shutters, and blinded by the lights the second they get out. Marlene doesn't even have time to lock the door before they're putting on a show. Alice doesn't mind paparazzi, but she wishes they'd leave her alone. Just this once. 

The actual building is pristine, set up with an interior similar to a theatre. Gold pillars with intricate designs, black-and-white checkered floors that shine. Albus's office is much the same, only more crowded. He's passionate about sculptures and various forms of art at best, and a hoarder at worst. When they arrive he's at his desk. His beard is longer than when they were kids, his hair a shade whiter. But he still has the same calm exterior. The same eyes. He greets them as they walk in. 

"Ms.Fortescue, Mckinnion, Evans, Macdonald. Hello. I apologize sincerely for the late meeting, but this could not wait, I'm afraid. I assume you've seen the interview with Ms.Black and her sisters?" 

Mary sits down last at her chair. They each have one, because while he has other clients, they're his stars. "Everybody and their mums' seen the interview Albus. I'm too tired for pleasantries. Please." She complains, pushing her black bejeweled sunglasses onto her head. 

The corners of Albus' lips curve up just barely, he closes his laptop and intertwines his hands on his elbows. "Very well. Narcissa Black contacted me an hour ago, inviting you to open for the Hells Angels upcoming 'Death Eaters' tour. You would be travelling with them around the world as early as May, should everything go to plan." 

She wonders if Narcissa contacted him so late so they wouldn't have to deal with the paparazzi. She wonders if Narcissa knows that she's not as unrecognizable as she was two years ago. 

"She didn't have an agent contact you?" Lily asks, keeping her arms crossed and her gaze level. 

Albus adjusts his glasses on the bridge of his nose. "From what I can tell they are without one. It seems they've produced the album by themselves, with the help of Ted Tonks, of whom I assume you're familiar. 

Before they came to New York, Alice had barely thought about Ted at all. He was one of those subjects that, because of his relationship with Andromeda, was off limits. They'd been seen in the media, but the only time she put real thought into him is when she threw away the news papers with Andromeda in it. The ones Narcissa refused to look at. 

Since then, however, he's been spotted with her more. People opened up the old discourse again about a Black dating somebody who wasn't famous. Andromeda didn't seem to care, though, going almost nowhere without him as if he were her personal body guard. 

"They're doing all that advertisement, by themselves?" Marlene scoffs. 

Alice shakes her head. "Their entire life has been media training. They could get any gig they wanted." 

That much she knows. She's sure it's only half of it, but Narcissa told her snippets of what happened if they didn't book gigs. The Black sisters are horribly charismatic, people call it mechanic, because it is. 

"Correct, I'm afraid." Albus quips, reaching into his drawer and pulling out two pieces of paper, "Now, should you accept this there are a few albums I think would be best to preform, specifically your newer ones..."

Blankly, as he speaks she looks down at the posters he's set on the desk. It's the track list for their newest albums, the one they did before the Black sisters left and the one after. As if they don't know their own albums. It's one of the prints they sell on the back of promo posters for them, the track list with the printed signatures of who wrote the tracks next to them. They do it with all of their albums, because while it's Alice's voice she wanted them all to be notable as a band. 

The first album from two years ago was one of her favorites at the time of release, but looking at it now makes her nauseous. 

CHERRY CONVERSATIONS

1. Lover - Alice 
2. Art deco - Marlene, Mary
3. Fade into you - Alice, Mary
4. Moon song - Alice
5. Good 4 u - Marlene
6. Favorite crime - Lily 
7. I know you - Lily 
8. False god - Alice
9. Shes not me - Marlene
10. Holy ground - Alice 
11. I didn't change my number - Lily
12. Every man gets his wish - Mary
13. Stargirl Interlude - Mary
14. Arabella - Marlene
15. The MAN - Alice, Mary, Lily, Marlene
16. Sparks fly- Alice, Lily
17. Paper rings - Alice
18. Cherry - Alice, Mary, Lily, Marlene

The best songs of her career were written after the fact, but she'd been so happy writing her part of Cherry Conversations. The next album is a stark difference. 

BROKEN HEARTS CLUB

1. Haunted - Alice 

2. Hits different - Alice, Marlene

3. Girl with one eye - Mary, Marlene

4. Never ending song - Marlene

5. Get him back! - Alice, Mary

6. In the kitchen - Alice 

7. All I wanted - Alice 

8. Gaslight - Mary

9. Francis forever - Alice, Lily

10. The exit - Alice

11. Last kiss - Alice 

12. Sad beautiful tragic - Alice, Lily 

13. Graceland too - Alice 

14. Summertime sadness - Alice, Lily 

15. Drivers license - Alice 

16. Exile (ft. Remus Lupin) - Alice, Remus 

17. Sign of the times - Alice, Lily, Mary, Marlene

 

There were a lot of messier, more depressing songs that didn't make the album. She's incredibly lucky that she had Marlene and Mary at the time, who wrote the more upbeat songs. Even still, it was the album that won them their first Grammy. Album of the year, 2021. It was surreal. None of them thought they'd win. Right when the album was released, far too soon after everything happened, she'd preformed Drivers License at an event. It was the day after news broke that Narcissa was engaged to Lucius Malfoy. She cried on stage. 

It's considered one of her best performances now, but then it felt like ruining their chances. Alice had gone on to give her actual best performance after that, at the Grammy's actually. She won album of the year with her band, and belted Haunted at the top of her lungs. 

The album, in general, is hard for her to talk about. Lily too. She'd refused to have any of the songs she wrote at the time on the album, a mixture of break-up records and songs she wrote after Snape died. Though she's been secretive about it, she's said that she plans to release them in a solo album. However, Alice did put one song about Lily on the album. Graceland too is still one of her favorite songs to do press for, one of the only ones on the album she's talked heavily about. 

She looks back up at Dumbledore, who's observing her calmly from beneath his glasses as if she were an animal in a zoo. "You mustn't think you have to come to a decision now, but it's apt to mention that with Ms. Evan's current situation it might be in everybody's best interest." 

Alice looks at Lily, who glances back with a pained expression. "What situation..?" 

"Ms. Black's band is very well loved, opening for their tour could draw attention away from Severus." Albus clears, blankly. 

Okay. Well. She hadn't thought about it like that. She stares at him for a moment, and then makes her decision.

"Give me three days to put together a setlist. Then tell Narcissa we said yes. We'll go over details with them then. Assuming the rest of you are okay with the tour?" 

Marlene and Mary, who had fallen silent until now nod slowly, still looking unsure. Lily whips around. 

"No! No! You're not doing this for me. I won't let you. I can handle the media." 

And she can, Alice knows. Lily Evans is one of the strongest people she's ever met. 

But it's not a matter of if she can handle it. It's that she shouldn't have too. Lily doesn't talk about it often, but it's bad. After Lily's funeral a video went viral online of somebody chucking a bottle at her getting out of the limo, calling her a slut. They missed her, but just barely. They had to get more security. 

Lily's always been the one who took the fall with the media. There's something about her that low-lives on the internet can't stand. Alice didn't understand it before Snape died, but she understands now. 

She's a scapegoat. She's radiant, and powerful, and so, so kind. Lily Evans loves with her entire heart. She doesn't keep it a secret, because she can't. It's all over her face, written in the fabric of her soul. Whether it was James Potter, or Severus Snape. People hate it when women love without letting it destroy them, like Alice does. 

Lily can take it. But Alice can't let her, if she can help it. She's been through enough. 

"And I'll handle this." 

✮ February 14th 2022 ✮

✮ Alice ✮

She stays home on Valentines day. 

Lily goes out with the band and the boys, leaving her with an empty flat. Sirius had tried to drag her out of the house like he'd done the previous two Valentine's days, but she didn't really feel like crashing her best friends date just because she's feeling upset. Regardless, her stomach hurts the entire day. She walks around as if on house arrest, in a dull, dreamlike haze. 

She reads an entire book her mum lended her from the library back home back to front in one sitting, not processing a single word and then lying to her on the phone pretending she understood it. Alice is sure mum saw through it, but like the angel she is she didn't say anything. 

The day passes her by. She sits by the window, listening to the people pass by. They laugh, holding onto one another like little lifeboats lost at sea. It drifts into her room, covering the flat and clinging to the walls. Music plays throughout the streets. She heard a cover of one of her songs once or twice, sung by somebody on the streets with an acoustic guitar or played by a department store at the outlet mall nearby. It hurts, when she remembers writing the songs. Love ballads. Written on napkins at small diners she went to with Narcissa.

Ones she traced the lyrics of onto her back with soft fingertips, or lyrics she whispered to her while she was just barely awake. 

Valentines day was her favorite holiday then, it always was. 

There's something about the celebration of love, it made her happy. Her childhood memories of it consist of rare chocolates from her dad, dancing on his toes in the kitchen while her mother doubled over in laughter with her digital camera in hand. Or her mum taking her out into town, jumping in puddles and window shopping things they could never afford. Ending the day with the largest tables at her Pa's parlor pushed together, Frank, Remus and their mums. 

And then Narcissa, of course. 

Being young, dumb, and so incredibly in love. They needed nothing else then, only them and their home that nobody knew of. They could've been dirt broke, but it wouldn't have mattered. 

It's 8PM, and the sun had already set when she hears two knocks at the door. And she knows, like she often does with Narcissa. 

For a second she literally thinks that she's hallucinated it, or that she's somehow telepathically called her to the flat. Because Narcissa shouldn't know where she lives. 

But of course she does. She's Bellatrix and Andromeda Black's sister. She's Tom Riddle's golden girl. Narcissa Black is one of the most intelligent, cunning, and vicious women in the world when she tries. When she wants something, she gets it. 

She did say she was here to ruin your life again, didn't she? 

When she opens the door she's somehow shocked, even though she knows what she'll find. Alice sucks in a harsh breath, because she was right. On her porch is Narcissa Black, hair fanned out cascading down her maroon off the shoulder sweater. She smiles, that small smile that makes her knees weak. In her arms: a small brown puppy with eyes just as wide as hers. 

"Happy Valentines day, love."