Warm
Regulus Black was wandering the hall on his way to class, wondering if he should go in, as he was still distraught from his conversation with Sirius.
He had spent his whole life collecting himself after fights and breaking points, and for the first time it hit him. He didn’t have to do it anymore. For any other person, this discovery should be a relief.
It should be for Regulus, too.
He doesn’t know why he keeps making things hard for himself.
He got what he wanted, didn’t he?
Not in the way that he wanted it, but it still happened. It’s just not how he imagined it would be. He’s supposed to be free, so why does he feel like he’s suffocating?
“Regulus!” a voice came from across the hallway.
Oh, come on.
“Potter,” he said, gritting his teeth. He really didn’t want to deal with this whole thing right now. He has enough on his plate without James Potter swooping in to try and get whatever it was he wanted from Regulus. He did his best to make his gaze look cold and uninviting, but the trick didn’t seem to work on Potter.
“Come on, don’t call me that,” he said, smiling.
He hated the way his whole body felt warm at his words. It was as if he was creeping in on him, making him warmer and warmer every time he saw his face. Potter could pester almost any other person in school with them taking it as a pleasure instead of a pain, and yet he seemed to have one target he appreciated most.
Why that is, Regulus didn’t know.
But he kind of wanted to find out.
As Regulus quickly thought it through, he realized he didn’t have anything better to do. He sure as hell wasn’t going to go to class like this.
He could use the distraction.
“Then what should I call you?” he smiled innocently, a hint of mischief in his eyes.
Potter’s face flushed.
God, this is fun - he thought to himself as he intently let his gaze travel all the way down the boy’s neck.
“You could try using my name,” he mumbled.
“Rather posh name, don’t you think? ‘James Potter’. Quite a mouthful.”
“Says Regulus Arcturus Black,” he rolled his eyes.
“That’s a very respectable name, Potter. Rolls pretty well on the tongue, doesn’t it?” he asked.
The flush deepened.
“It does,” he smiled back at him.
Regulus’ heart started beating faster. There was something about his smile. It was so known, like he had been reaching for it his whole life.
“So, care to explain why you’re harassing me in the hallway?” he cleared his throat and asked. A smile rose to his face and for once he did nothing to prevent it.
“Why, kind sir, you seem to be enjoying my presence,” James said grinning.
“How you are popular is truly beyond me.”
James’ grin got wider.
“I was wondering if you were free to talk. Whenever, really,” he added, quite nervously, “I just really wanted to speak with you.”
James’ hand reached and scratched his neck.
“Sure,” Regulus said, and before he could help himself he heard his voice say, “I’m free now if you’re up for it.”
James let out an exhale of relief.
“Oh,” he said, seemingly surprised, “Sure. That’d be great.”
And so the two started making their way to the astronomy tower. Silence ruled the air between them, but it wasn’t uncomfortable as one might think it would be. They might be strangers - well, almost strangers, this would be their second actual conversation - but something was different. Regulus couldn’t quite understand what it was that James wanted with him, but oddly enough it wasn’t a source of fear or anger for him. More one of excitement. He tried his best to let himself ease into it.
James put his hands in his pockets throughout their walk. He didn’t try to ask Regulus dry questions and just smiled to himself. This made Regulus unconsciously smile as he stole glances at him.
James stopped right before the beginning of the stairwell to the tower. He gestured his hand towards Regulus to go up first and a slight smile came upon his face.
This guy was truly something else.
Normally, Regulus became annoyed very quickly with guys who treated him like he was made of glass. It made him feel small, like they thought he would fall to pieces if he wasn’t treated gently enough. Sometimes, the undertone of mockery would rise in those moments, and he quickly found himself moving from one guy to another just to feel something. Anything other than this feeling.
As I’ve mentioned before, Regulus was a very perceptive person, and knew that James wasn’t like any of the other guys he knew. He wasn’t putting on a show of some sort - he was genuinely like this. His smile was honest and he made sure to open the door to the tower for Regulus.
And Regulus didn’t feel small.
He was respected.
He didn’t really know what to do with the realization, so he decided to cast it aside, ignore it.
This small routine happened again when the stairwell ended and was replaced with a wooden door. James opened it for him and Regulus went outside and as always, looked at the sky.
It was so different during the daytime. The light landed on the old stones, surrounding them with grace, the weather a bit chilly but so much so that you would have to wear a sweater. James sat down against the wall and watched Regulus as he walked around. Regulus could feel his gaze but took a minute to walk around before he sat down.
James never dropped his gaze.
“I’ve never been here during the day before,” he said as he sat down next to James.
“Why? It’s so nice up here, in the sun,” he answered. As Regulus turned around to look at him he could see James’ eyes were stuck on his lips.
“I don’t know. I come up here to look at the stars. Never paid much attention to the sun,” Regulus said and cleared his throat.
“So, what did you want to talk to me about?”
“Oh. Right. I just wanted to talk to you about the other day.”
Oh.
Of course.
“Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone,” he said coldly.
“What?” Potter said, confused.
“I won’t tell anyone. You can spare the speech.”
“What?” he repeated. “That’s not… no. You can tell people. If you want.”
Now Regulus was the one confused.
“Then what is it that you want?”
“I just wanted to talk to you. I want to get to know you.”
“Why?” Regulus asked.
“You interest me a lot.”
“But you don’t even know me,” his voice felt small as he uttered the words.
“I want to, though,” James smiled.
Oh.
“I’m not my brother, you know. You can’t fix me like you fixed him. It won’t work,” Regulus said. He stared right ahead and tried to ignore James sitting beside him. Which was odd, since he felt himself yearning to know the answer.
The thing about James Potter was that there was no doubt about his honesty. Regulus knew that he meant what he said. Maybe he just didn’t understand the significance of these words for Regulus. How special they were.
James Potter was made to spread his love all across the universe. Regulus knew, just from watching him for all those years, that this is what he was he was made for. It came to him naturally. He wondered if James ever felt like he could explode from the amount of love residing within him, and with that thought he also pondered upon how it would feel to have this much love within himself.
Regulus knew he had things to give the world. In some ways, he knew what he was worth. He just never thought anyone would be interested in that.
“I know that, Reg. I don’t want to fix you or anything. I don’t think you need fixing at all. I just want to know you,” he said.
Oh.
“Okay,” he said.
“Really?” James said, his eyes widened.
“Yes, Potter,” Regulus said and finally looked back at him.
“You know, if we’re going to be friends you’re going to have to stop calling me that,” James smiled and moved a bit closer to him, until there was almost no space left between them as they sat. Regulus could hear James’ heart pounding. He wondered if James could hear his too.
“Oh, so we’re going to be friends?” he smirked.
James went red.
“I guess,” he mumbled.
“We’ll see about that,” Regulus said.
James broke their eye contact and looked directly at the sky. The sunlight covered his face and he closed his eyes, letting a sigh of relief escape his lips.
“So, explain to me what the James Potter friend experience is.”
James smiled.
“We both play Quidditch, so I guess that’s a part of it.”
“Never noticed that before,” Regulus hummed, amused, “What else?”
“Oh, I’ve also been told quite a few times that I’m very fun to have around at parties, and-”
Regulus huffed out a laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
“Never expected Gryffindor parties to be fun. You guys kind of suck, you know,” he shrugged.
“Oi! don’t you insult the best house at Hogwarts. You know I’m all about house pride.”
Regulus started laughing and his eyes dropped to James’ neck. “Oh, I know.”
James flushed and his mouth opened, he tried to seem upset but his eyes were quite literally sparkling, and he said “I wonder whose fault that is.”
“Me too. They seem very talented,” Regulus said and smiled innocently.
“I could say the same for you.”
“You couldn’t. A lot of mouth, you know,” he whispered and smiled.
“God, you’re so mean.”
“You seem to love it,” Regulus said and smiled as he looked forward.
“I do. My friends always say I have this thing for mean people,” James said. It seemed to have slipped away by accident because he went red again.
“Oh, so you have a thing for me?” he asked innocently.
James buried his face with his hands and Regulus started laughing again.
“God,” he mumbled between his hands.
“Just never pegged you for a prude, Potter.”
“Why does everyone keep saying that?” he mumbled, revealing his face only to look up at Regulus.
Regulus laughed and looked at the sun. He felt so warm all of a sudden. The weather was chilly today, so he didn’t really know why.
“Maybe we’re all right, you know. I’d have thought a Quidditch god such as yourself wouldn’t flush at the mention of sex.”
“You think I’m a Quidditch god?”
“Of course that’s the part you’re hanging on to,” Regulus rolled his eyes.
“I don’t know. Guess I’ve just always been waiting for the right person to do all of those stuff with,” James shrugged.
“Wait, so you’ve never had sex?” Regulus said, very much surprised.
“You don’t have to say it like that.”
“I’m not being mean to you, James. I think it’s nice. Waiting for the right person and all. Very… James Potter,” he smiled at him.
“So you have, I’m guessing?” James asked, almost sheepish.
“Oh, yeah. Very early. Too early, probably.”
“Were you in love with them?”
Regulus laughed.
“No. I guess I’ve never really had sex with anyone I really cared about that way. I’ve just never seen it like you do.”
“How do you see it then?” James asked.
“I guess sex was always a means to an aim. It has just never correlated with love for me.”
“Oh,” James said, “I’ve never really thought that people could see it stirctly that way. I always think about it in relation to love. It’s just one of the many forms that we can express love.”
“Of course you do,” Regulus smiled.
“My parents have just always been so in love. I guess I’m waiting for the same kind of love to come to me. I like a lot of people but I don’t fall in love that often, and when I do it’s the best feeling in the world, so I wouldn’t want to share that with anyone else,” James said.
“Funny, I thought you fell in love a lot. I’m the same way, I guess. It’s hard for me to love someone that way,” Regulus said. The words of honesty just slipped away. He always thought that he was losing something whenever he was honest with people, but he didn’t feel it now. If anything, he felt as if he was gaining something greater.
“I love talking to you,” James stated suddenly.
The world stopped for a second and Regulus mumbled out, “me too,” and stared at him for a second.
His heart was beating fast. James’ eyes dropped to his lips again.
“So, are you coming to the party next week?” James said. It seemed as if the moment struck him and he needed to find a way out of it.
“What?” Regulus said, still puzzled.
“We’re throwing a party next week, if you want to come.”
“Oh, right. Sirius said something about that. I’ll come. Promise,” he smiled.
“Good. Someone ought to show you the superiority of Gryffindor parties, you know.”
Regulus rolled his eyes fondly.
“We’ll see about that.”