In the Hallway
I gotta get better, gotta get better
And maybe we'll work it out
Late November, 1976
“You’re going to have to do better than that, boy,” Moody growls, widening his dueling stance.
Regulus stares at him, unable to keep the look of pure annoyance off his face, “You do realize I haven’t missed a single one of your spells yet, don’t you?”
“Doesn’t matter,” Moody shakes his head, “You’re always going to have to do better.”
Regulus sets his jaw, doing his best to keep his cool. He can practically hear his mother shouting the same words at him as Moody does. Now is not the time to think about that. It’s things like that— ties to his family and his vulnerabilities that will make him weak. Those are things that are going to cause him to fail. To succeed, Regulus knows that at least part of him will have to let go of his love and his longing to survive.
He’s in Dumbledore’s study right now and it’s late on a Wednesday night. The headmaster is nowhere to be found, but Mad-Eye Moody is currently training Regulus in dueling as a part of the sessions that Dumbledore told Regulus were necessary for his role in the war.
These sessions have been happening since early November once a week. The days and times change, but they always happen. Sometimes Dumbledore is there, sometimes he isn’t. So far, Regulus’ trainings have consisted of dueling and spells, but Regulus knows Occlumency is coming soon. He hasn’t told Dumbledore that he’s able to occlude, but he’s hoping it’ll be enough to keep him out of some more precious memories and thoughts.
Something Regulus hadn't considered when he agreed to train with Dumbledore and master Occlumency was the fact that Dumbledore attempting to break past his Occlumency walls. This means that he’ll be able to see some of Regulus’ memories if he’s able to do so. Regulus has been spending hours before going to bed working on his technique, building up strong walls around James, leaving his memories of him in a fortress. He doesn’t have formal training though, just a skill for natural Occlumency, so it complicates things. He’s doing his best, but he doesn’t know if his best will be enough. It hasn’t been in the past.
Moody aims a wordless spell at Regulus who swiftly dodges it while casting a shield charm. His few trainings with Bellatrix has come in handy during these sessions, but Regulus has stuck to blocking spells and strong defensive shields instead of vasting his own. Since Bella is who trained him, the majority of the dueling spells he knows re quite dark and he isn’t sure that he wants Dumbledore and Moody to be aware of his breadth of knowledge in that field of magic.
“You’re going to have to learn how to fight back one these days,” Moody says, lowering his wand. Regulus doesn’t lower his, just watches the older man in case of a sneak attack. Constant vigilance, as Moody constantly says.
“I think that’s enough for today,” Moody tells him after fishing a pocket watch out of his robes and checking the time. “Dumbledore wanted me to tell you that we’ll be working on potions and Occlumency next.”
“Will you be handling those sessions as well?” Regulus asks, his voice light. He’s trying his best to feign casualness so as to not draw attention to how he feels about it.
“No,” Moody shakes his head roughly, “Occlumency and potions aren’t my forte. Dumbledore will handle Occlumency, not sure if he’s bringing someone else in for potions.”
Regulus nods curtly, pocketing his wand. “Well, I’ll be going then.”
“I’ll see you soon, boy,” Moody mutters, “Start studying spells, if not Voldemort, your parents will expect more of you than what you’re giving now.”
Regulus stares at him, wishing desperately that he could light someone on fire with his eyes alone. “Yes, sir.”
As Regulus leaves Dumbledore’s study and walks back to the dungeons, he thinks about Sirius. It’s been weighing heavy on his mind, the way he looked at him at the party. They haven’t seen much of each other, seeing as Regulus is spread pretty thin these days between his studies, quidditch, prefect rounds, and James.
James is adamant that they tell Sirius some part of what’s going on— whether that be that Snape is his attacker, Dumbledore’s request, or the two of them being together. He hasn’t been harsh about it, but Regulus knows that carrying secrets isn’t as easy for James and the secrets he’s keeping are rather high stakes.
The thing is, Regulus really does want to tell Sirius about it all. There was a time when Sirius knew everything about Regulus and even though those days are far in the past, Regulus can still remember them quite clearly. He wants to be the little brother who trusts his big brother, but he’s just not there yet. Regulus also knows that he’s probably going to have to give in a little bit to James, even if he’s not ready, just because he knows it’s not fair to keep asking this of him.
The thing about that, though, is that Regulus doesn’t really care if it’s not fair. He knows that life isn’t fair and it’s dictated most of his existence so far. What’s being asked of him and what’s happened to him so far isn’t fair in the slightest. The only reason he feels the bit of empathy he does for James is because it’s James. James softens him. It’s nice, but it scares him a bit. He’s worried it’ll complicate things for him in the future.
“Hey, wait up,” a voice calls from behind him. Regulus pulls out his wand immediately, turning quickly to point it at whoever it is that’s calling out to him.
“Merlin,” Sirius breathes, “You have got to stop doing that, Reggie. It’s just me.”
“You should be glad I’m this quick,” Regulus mutters, lowering his wand. “I’m doing my best to not get half-murdered again.”
“Reg,” Sirius frowns, “Don’t say that.”
“Why not?” Regulus presses indignantly, “It’s the truth.”
“I know that,” Sirius shakes his head, “I just— it’s not easy to hear, okay?”
Something about that strikes Regulus because he knows what Sirius is saying— that what happened to Regulus wasn’t easy for him. He didn’t want it to happen to him. To a lot of people, that would probably be obvious, but Regulus is constantly shrouded in insecurity and doubt when it comes to his relationship with his brother following Sirius’ departure from Grimmauld Place. Doesn’t know how Sirius feels about him.
It should be comforting, to hear Sirius say that, even if it’s not some confession of brotherly love and care, but instead, Regulus takes hold of it and feels himself simmer with anger. So, he does what he does best with Sirius. He pushes him.
“Oh,” Regulus scoffs, “It’s not easy for you to hear? I wonder if you’ve considered what it’s like for me, walking around knowing someone could come around a corner any moment and do it again.”
“Regulus,” Sirius sighs, exasperated. “Obviously, I know it’s more difficult for you, but still—” he pauses, “It’s hard for me too. You’re my little brother. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. I wish nothing bad happened to you. Can’t you understand that?”
And there it is, what Regulus has been waiting to hear, even if he’s tried to convince himself otherwise. A clear message from Sirius that he cares, and is not under duress. I mean, technically, he’s saying this in response to Regulus being hurt, but it’s weeks removed and he still feels that way. Is still bothered by it.
So desperately, Regulus wants to ask Sirius really? You really don’t want anything bad to happen to me?
As much as the question burns on his tongue, he bites it down. He’s been weak recently, overly sentimental and vulnerable. He has to control himself, if he wants to succeed. So he doesn’t ask, he swallows it down, standing stiffly staring at Sirius’ face. He gives a curt nod.
“Yeah, Sirius,” Regulus mutters. “I understand that.”
“Good,” Sirius responds, crossing his arms. “Now, what are you doing leaving Dumbledore’s office this late? Are you in trouble?”
“How did you know I was leaving Dumbledore’s study?” Regulus questions immediately, his eyes narrowing. He’s been walking long enough now that no one would know he was coming from the headmaster’s study unless Sirius saw him leave and followed him. “Were you following me?”
Sirius blanches, “No, I wasn’t, I swear. I just, er, I took a guess?”
“You were following me,” Regulus shakes his head, “Do you not trust me to walk on my own? Find me to be that incompetent?”
“You’re impossible, actually,” Sirius closes his eyes and rubs his temples as if Regulus is giving him a headache. Maybe he is. Regulus might take some minor joy out of the idea of that. “I haven’t talked to you since my birthday party. I wanted to see you.”
I wanted to see you. The words ring in Regulus’ ears. I wanted to see you. I wanted to see you. I wanted to see you. It quickly turns to Regulus’ own wishes. I want to tell you something. I want to tell you something. I need to tell you something. Anything. Something.
“Well,” Regulus murmurs, “You’ve seen me.”
“Can you stop acting so petulant?” Sirius asks, rolling his eyes. “How are you?”
Regulus stares at him, opening and closing his fists at his sides. This is an opportunity to be honest with Sirius. To give him at least a piece of the truth.
Regulus sighs, considering his options as he glances away from Sirius’ face. “I’m fine, I suppose. Things haven’t been— easy, if I’m being honest with you, but…”
“But?” Sirius presses, clearly eager that Regulus is giving a little bit of room for him to understand, even if it’s barely anything.
“But,” Regulus pauses, eyes flitting back to Sirius’. “But, James has been helping.”
“James?” Sirius’ eyebrows draw together. “James has been helping you? How?”
“We spend a lot of time together…” Regulus trails off, chewing his lip. “Between prefect rounds and whatever else. He’s— easy to talk to. Easy to trust, I guess.”
Sirius just looks at him, his eyebrows still pulled together in clear confusion. Or maybe it’s surprise. Maybe it’s both.
Regulus continues. “He’s been, er, good to me,” He clears his throat. “I… enjoy him quite a bit.”
“Enjoy him?” Sirius sounds like he’s in complete disbelief.
“Yeah,” Regulus nods tightly, “I like him. I like James.”
“You like James…”
Regulus just nods again, feeling his cheeks flush. He looks down at the ground.
“Reggie,” Sirius starts, “I have to be honest with you, I feel like I’m missing something here. You enjoy James? Like James? I mean, since when? You’ve never liked him.”
“That’s not true,” Regulus feels that it’s very important he defend his feelings for James right now, even if he won’t fully let Sirius in on his secret. “I’ve always liked James. Always.”
“Always? Reg, why are you lying? You haven’t been able to stand him since your first year, on the train. I mean, I know that you’ve been able to tolerate him more since you moved in and all of that, but… I don't know. This feels like quite the 180.”
“You wouldn’t understand,” Regulus mutters, his face hot, “I’ve always liked James.” He meets Sirius’ eyes. “I’ve always liked him.”
Sirius’ blue eyes scan Regulus’ face. Regulus thinks he can see the exact moment that it clicks for him. The moment that he clocks the nervousness in Regulus’ body language, the telling blush on his cheeks.
“Oh,” Sirius breathes. “Oh.
Regulus maintains eye contact, his heart pounding in his chest. He hasn’t said anything, exactly. Hasn’t been quite as obvious as say, James would be in this situation, but Sirius knows him. He understands.
“You like James,” Sirius echoes, practically a whisper. “You’ve always liked James. Do you mean…”
Regulus makes a noise in response, unable to fully bring the confession into the light of day, but it seems to be enough confirmation for Sirius. Silence stretches between the two of them, facing off in a dimly lit corridor of Hogwarts. Distantly, Regulus wonders if confessions like this have been made here before this one.
“Reggie,” Sirius finally says, his tone gentle, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Regulus does his best not to snap at that. Why didn’t he tell Sirius? Why would he tell Sirius? They were practically estranged the moment he got to Hogwarts. This isn’t just a crush— thanks to the circumstances of gender. It’s not something silly or cute. In their family, it’s a death sentence. A one-way ticket to disownment. Even if Sirius was against some of the other bigoted ideas that his parents hold, there’s been nothing to suggest that he would be okay with this. Okay with Regulus. Especially not Regulus liking James.
“I don’t know,” Regulus mumbles, “Not exactly something easy to tell.”
Sirius makes a noise of sympathy, or maybe pity. “Reggie, you can tell me this kind of stuff. You can tell me anything.”
“Okay,” Regulus mutters. “Noted.”
“And Reg,” Sirius pauses, “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” Regulus is the confused one now, his expression mirroring that of Sirius just moments ago.
“Yeah,” Sirius nods, “I’m sorry if you felt like you couldn’t tell me. I don’t— I’m not like them, okay? It doesn’t bother me. You know, I talk to Uncle Alphard still and,” Sirius pauses, biting his lip. “Well, I think we both know. But I’m also… I’m also sorry that James is the one you… like.”
Regulus hums. He didn’t realize that Alphard spoke to Sirius. He surprises himself with the jolt of jealousy he feels at that. Sirius always gets the good ones before Regulus does.
Then the second half of what Sirius said registers. “What? Why would you be sorry about that?”
“Well, James is…” Sirius glances away from Regulus, his eyes glued to the floor. “He likes Lily. I mean, he’s been in love with her for ages. I know he can be, I don’t know, flirty? Touchy? I just— I’m sorry if it hurts. Or whatever.”
Regulus is quiet for a moment before he bursts out laughing. Like really laughing. It clearly startles Sirius, based on his reaction to Regulus’ laughter. He doesn’t even know the half of it, but this is setting things up quite nicely. At least now, it won’t be as much of a shock if, or when, he and James tell Sirius what’s going on. Even so, Regulus can't stop picturing him and James being wrapped up in each other, whispering I love yous. Sirius is in for a wild ride, and Regulus is dreading it. He's doing his best to savor it all.
“You don’t need to apologize for that,” Regulus tells him, humor in his voice. “Believe me, I’m fine.”
“Okay…” Sirius says slowly. “Okay. Well, thanks for telling me, Reggie. Like I said, you really can tell me anything. You can trust me with anything, I promise.”
“Yeah,” Regulus agrees. “I know.”
Once Regulus returns to his dorm that night, he goes straight to bed since none of his friends are awake anymore anyway. He gets into bed and closes his eyes, expecting himself to struggle to fall asleep, kept awake by the weight of what he told Sirius. Instead, he falls asleep easily, a rare sense of peace washing over him.
—
When Regulus wakes the next day, a Thursday, he’s up before his friends. He lies in bed, staring at the curtains that line his four-poster bed. That feeling of peace still resides within him. It almost makes him uneasy. So, he thinks for a moment. Then, he makes a decision, rising swiftly. He dresses quietly and opens the drawer of his bedside table. There are a few things inside. There are a few books, a journal, his small, silver cigar box which holds notes, and the photo of James. He opens that, gazing at the photo of James that sits inside. His stomach somersaults at the sight of James’ smile, caught mid-laugh. He brushes his thumb over the photo as if it’s James’ face. He clears his throat quietly and closes the box. Then, he picks up a green velvet pouch. He pulls the drawstrings apart, opening it up. Inside is a pin of his family crest made of pure silver. It’s studded with emeralds and engraved with snakes. There, just at the bottom of it, is the Black family motto. Toujours Pur.
Regulus takes it out, placing it in his palm. He stares down at it, swallowing the bile that rises in his throat at the sight of it. The last time he wore this was the night he showed up at the Potter’s. There had been a part of him back then that wanted to get rid of it, but he didn’t. He stares at it a second longer before he puts it on. He carefully places the pouch back into the drawer and closes it quietly. He leaves the dormitory and makes his way into the common room.
It’s a bit early to start all of this, based on the timeline that he and Dorcas thought up, but Regulus figures there’s no harm in small things like this to set the scene. Consider it an experiment of sorts. He knows that people will be awake and sitting in the common room. It’s not too far from breakfast now, and plenty of Slytherins are early risers.
As he approaches the door to the common room, he takes a deep breath. He rolls his shoulders back and raises his chin. He knows how to do this; he knows how he has to act. He was raised for this. He was trained for this. Bred for this.
Regulus smoothes his expression into one of cool yet haughty indifference and exits his dorm. The pin he’s wearing is clear as day and hard to ignore. He puffs his chest out, just a bit, for emphasis.
He doesn’t look at anyone as he walks through, but he can feel their eyes on him. It doesn’t exactly bother him, but he feels— strange. A little bit itchy at the attention. He’s never handled it as well as Sirius or his cousins. He can hear their hushed whispers as walks by, finally looking every part of the Black heir he’s destined to be. This is what he expected. This is how he wanted them to react.
Mission accomplished. It’s too bad it makes him feel like he’s succumbing to the rot that awaits him in his family home rather than playing the part of the hero.
Regulus has never been meant to be a hero, though. Not a real one, at least. No, he’s no hero. He’s the anti-hero. That much has always been clear.
—
When Pandora, Barty, and Evan make their way to breakfast, Regulus is already there, sipping on a cup of tea.
When they see him, they smile. As they get closer, he watches as they notice the pin on his robes. Pandora’s eyes widen, quickly averting her eyes. Evan and Barty’s smiles fall in tandem. Regulus suppresses the chill that goes through his body, refraining from showing his discomfort.
“What the fuck are you wearing that for?” Barty asks, sitting down. “Were you being held at wand-point this morning when you got dressed? I didn’t even realize you still had any of that shit on you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Regulus dismisses. “It’s a family heirloom. Why wouldn’t I wear it?”
Evan furrows his brow, “Reg…”
“It’s nothing,” Regulus insists, keeping his voice steady. “I wanted to wear it.”
He hasn’t caught them up on what’s going on with Dumbledore. His weekly disappearances to the headmaster's office have been disguised as additional prefect duties or meetings with James, which they haven’t questioned.
Barty and Evan don’t look satisfied with his answers, but they seem to drop the subject at the tone of his voice, loading food onto their plates. Pandora on the other hand keeps her eyes on the table and food, not looking at Regulus. It makes him feel— dirty, knowing that Pandora of all people, the most non-judgmental, supportive person he knows, can’t even bring herself to look at him when he’s bearing his family crest.
She’s been a bit off with Regulus, Barty, and Evan, ever since she returned from her visit home. Her grandfather, Abraxas Malfoy, had fallen ill enough that her parents called her home to see him. Regulus figures that most of her avoidance can be attributed to that. Her grief. Abraxas might be a bit of a nasty man, but it’s her grandfather, and Regulus understands how it feels to love a family that doesn’t necessarily deserve it. That’s why he hasn’t pressed her on it. It’s not easy to talk about. Sometimes you just need the space. So he’s giving it to her.
“Something is going on with you,” Evan says quietly enough that others at the table can’t hear him. “I’ve been waiting for you to tell us, but it doesn’t seem like you’re going to without being prompted. Do you want to explain yourself or do I have to keep waiting?”
Regulus presses his lips into a thin line, picking up a teapot and refilling his cup. “You’ll have to wait, Rosier.”
“Rosier?” Evan scoffs, “Seriously, Reg? Merlin, what’s happening to you?”
Regulus puts the teapot down, meeting Evan’s blue eyes. They’re not blue like Sirius’, they’re softer, like velvet. Regulus has always liked Evan’s eyes.
“Not here,” Regulus mutters. “And not yet, Evan.”
“Fine,” Evan frowns. “But don’t think this is the last of this. I’m starting to get worried about you.”
“Yes, well,” Regulus pauses, “just keep it to yourself for now, please.”
Evan gives him one last look at him before shaking his head and joining a conversation Barty is having with a group of girls from the year below.
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Pandora’s small hand grabbing for the brown sugar, but it’s just out of her reach.
Regulus picks it up, handing it to her. When their fingers brush, Pandora yanks her hand back, like it hurts to touch him.
“Pandora?” Regulus asks, hurt by her reaction to him.
“Sorry, Regulus,” She murmurs, still not meeting his eyes. “I didn’t mean to do that.” She reaches her hand back up, gingerly taking it out of his grasp, carefully avoiding any touch between the two of them.
Regulus watches her as she takes a spoonful of sugar and stirs it into her bowl. She still doesn’t look at him then and suddenly Regulus is struck by a sharp pain in his chest. It’s not real, not really. It’s mental pain morphing into a physical one. The rejection that’s already coming his way from the people he loves most is not easy to swallow. He hadn’t thought about it. What all of this would mean for his friends if he didn’t tell them what was going on. If this is how they react to a pin, he can’t imagine how they’ll react to what’s to come in the next few months. Maybe even the next few years.
He hasn’t told his friends what’s going on for similar reasons as to why he hasn’t told Sirius. Their reactions. He knows they’ll be enraged, and refuse to accept it. He can’t handle that stress in addition to everything else at the moment. They’ll have to keep waiting in question. Regulus will see if they stick around to see what’s going on. Or, better yet, maybe they’ll pull the truth out of him. Smother him with enough love and concern that it just— spills out.
Pandora eats her breakfast half-heartedly before getting up from the table, spinning out some excuse about forgetting her textbooks, and leaves Regulus to watch her go.
When he glances away from her retreating form, he looks across the Great Hall. There, at the Gryffindor table, are James and Sirius. Regulus realizes with a start that they’re staring at him. Sirius’ eyes are trained on his pin, a look of clear concern on his face. James isn’t staring at the pin though, he’s looking right at Regulus.
Regulus meets his eyes and James purses his lips, disapproval evident in his expression. Regulus doesn’t look away, doesn’t blush. He raises a brow and tries to communicate telepathically. I told you that I might seem different soon, on the outside. I’m still me. I’m still in here. You have to know that. You must understand that.
James’ lips tighten, but he gives a curt nod and tears his gaze from Regulus, looking down at his plate. Regulus redirects his eyes to Sirius and finds himself meeting his eyes as well.
Blue versus grey. Light versus dark. Sweetness versus bitterness. That’s what it feels like. Regulus is always going to be the questionable one. The foggy one.
It’s there, in Sirius’ eyes, that Regulus realizes that he really will have to tell Sirius about Dumbledore sometime soon.
Maybe it makes him weak. Maybe it makes him unfit to be the soldier Dumbledore is shaping. But, Regulus knows what his brother looks like through almost every emotion and he can’t handle some of them. Will do whatever possible to make Sirius feel better, if he can, even if Sirius doesn’t realize it. Whether he’s happy, or sad, or angry, Regulus knows. Regulus knows without a second glance, and right now— right now, crystal clear in the eyes of his big brother is probably the worst of them all. It’s the look of betrayal.
It makes his chest tighten and the pain of it causes him to avert his eyes, unable to face it head-on.
Call him a coward. He doesn’t care. When it comes to his brother and his pain, Regulus is a coward. Always will be.
The cowardly anti-hero. What a poor choice on Dumbledore’s part. Or maybe, Regulus realizes, maybe that’s exactly what he was looking for. A coward with weaknesses. Weak enough, stubborn enough, to fall in line based on those weaknesses.
Cowardly, weak, and willing. That’s what he is.
He’s another thing, though, something he’s always been and something he always will be. Something no one can take from him. He’s a little brother. He’s Sirius’ little brother.
That will always come first. That’s what he tells himself. Hopefully, it reigns true.
—
Classes pass by in a blur for Regulus. The day is much like others before it, but things already feel slightly different around his housemates. There seems to be a quiet respect blooming there. Honestly, Regulus thinks that most of them are probably just glad to see that he’s back on track with the rest of them.
Aside from Snape, and Mulciber at the beginning of the term, the majority of them left him alone because of the uncertainty of his place amongst them. They all knew what happened, but Regulus realizes now that many of them realized before him that he wasn’t disowned in the same way as Sirius. His family name carries a lot of weight, and bothering him could demand retribution under the right circumstances.
But, now, it appears that Regulus is coming back into the fold and all the snakes have gathered to watch. A careful, half-hidden audience.
The attention, even if in many ways positive, drains Regulus. He’s not meant to be a performer. So, at the end of classes for the day, he slips off to an alcove in the castle to read and have some peace and quiet.
He stays there for a few hours, alternating between reading and thinking about everything that’s been going on. He watches through the window as the sun sets, casting an orange glow across the school grounds. Once the night sky is dark and he can see the constellations in the sky, he gets up to leave.
It’s quiet and empty in the hallway, so his shoes clatter against the stone when he jumps down from his hiding place. He smooths down his robes and casts a look throughout the hallway and heads off towards the dungeons.
A few minutes later, he rounds a corner, bumping into someone. He steps back, ready to give them a proper telling-off for not watching where they’re going.
“You,” Regulus hisses, his eyes turning to slits. He draws his wand and points it in Snape’s face.
Snape’s eyes widen in fear and he places his hands up in surrender, wandless. “I wasn’t following you, I swear. I was just coming back from the library.”
“Then why are you coming from the opposite direction?” Regulus questions, pointing his wand closer to the spot between Snape’s eyes.
“I made a quick detour because I forgot notes in Flitwick’s classroom,” Snape babbles, his anxiety evident. He’s either a very good liar or he’s telling Regulus the truth. Regulus thinks it’s likely the latter. Snape has been avoiding him at all costs since Regulus was released from the hospital wing and he doubts that he’s going for a round two.
“You’re lucky I don’t want to get expelled,” Regulus tells him, keeping his wand steady. “Otherwise, you’d be dead. How dare you attack me. Do you understand what you did?”
“Yes,” Snape stutters, “I didn’t know it would be that bad, I swear to you. I really didn’t. I wasn’t trying— I didn’t want to kill you.”
“For all that pureblood shit you chat, Severus, you sure don’t seem to care about it in practice. Do you realize that if you had succeeded in killing me you would have wiped out the Black family line? One of the most ancient and pure families in all of the Wizarding World. I am the sole heir. If you ever try anything like that ever again, I’ll make sure that you’re the one who suffers, and so will my family. I will personally ensure that you are the one who faces death next.”
It scares Regulus a bit, how easily he can slip into the character he’s meant to play. It shouldn’t come as a surprise, seeing as he was raised that way for all of his life, but it’s still a bit nauseating, how he knows exactly what to say and how to make it sound like he means it. What he said isn’t even that bad. A lot of it is true. The male line of the Blacks would be finished if he died, at least legally. He is the sole heir to the Black family. He would kill Snape and it’s likely his family would as well.
Regulus takes a step back and lowers his wand away from Snape’s face, but still keeps it trained on him. He sneers at Snape. “You’re worthless. A waste of magic. If you ever fuck with me again, I will kill you. I promise you that. You better watch your fucking back.”
Snape opens his mouth to speak but is cut off before he can get his words out.
“Severus? Regulus? What are you doing?”
The two of them whip around at the sound of the voice, turning to find none other than Lily Evans standing in the hallway, hands on her hips. She’s coming from the same direction that Snape did.
“Lily,” Snape begins, his voice pleading.
“Don’t. I don’t want to hear any of that from you,” Lily closes he eyes and raises a hand to silence him. “Are you bothering Regulus?”
Regulus has to keep himself from laughing because if she had shown up just a moment earlier, she would have seen Regulus with his wand in Snape’s face, threatening to kill him. He won’t be telling Evans about that, though.
“What?” Snapes sputters, “No! I swear, I wasn’t. Lily, please, can we talk?”
“Did you not hear her before?” Regulus questions, his voice ice cold. He remembers now, what happened between Severus and Lily last year. “She doesn’t want to hear any of your shit. Get out of here and leave her alone.”
Snape looks between Lily and Regulus, clearly calculating his next move. Seeing as Lily doesn’t object to Regulus’ command, Snape seems convinced to leave.
“Fine,” He says from between gritted teeth. “But, Lily, please. When you’re ready—”
“What did I say?” Regulus growls. “Leave her alone. Leave.”
“You heard him,” Lily folds her arms, eyeing Snape with pure disdain. “Get out of here. I have no interest in hearing your latest tirade of excuses.”
Snape’s face contorts with hurt and he turns on his heel, sweeping out of the hallway. Regulus watches as he rushes away, keeping a tight fist on his wand.
“Thanks for that,” Lily says quietly, once Snape is gone and it’s just the two of them left there. “Was he bothering you?”
Regulus nods at her. “Not at the moment, no. I don’t think he will for a long time. Maybe not ever again.”
“Hm,” Lily hums. “Well, good for you. You’re well shot of him.”
“I didn’t really have much of him in my life to begin with,” Regulus mutters. “But, thanks. You are too, for the record.”
Lily raises her eyebrows at him. “Oh. Thanks. Yeah, I agree.”
The two of them just look at each other, not speaking. It gives Regulus a chance to really look at her. She’s quite pretty, which he can recognize even if he’s not interested in that kind of way. For years, Regulus has wondered what it is about her that drove James so crazy. He’s aware of her intelligence and magical skill, but he doesn’t actually know her. Her friendship with Snape had always confused him, but he didn’t care enough to think about it beyond that.
There used to be a part of him that hated her. Wanted her to disappear. There was a time when he’d laugh at her expense. Not because he believed anything his housemates would say about the girl they had labeled as an overconfident mudblood, but because he was bitter. Lonely. Jealous.
He doesn’t feel that way anymore. She’s just a girl. A kind one, at that. She’s always treated Regulus with kindness in their recent interactions. They had never spoken before this year.
“I guess I should be going then,” Lily murmurs. “I need to go to the library before Madame Pince has my head for being there so late.”
“Do you want me to walk you?” Regulus finds himself asking. He’s not sure why. It goes against the persona he’s currently trying to exude, but there’s no one around to see it, so it’s not like it’ll really hurt anything. Also, she did just stand up for him when she didn’t need to. Regulus might as well repay the favor in some way. He doesn’t need to be in debt to another person’s kindnesses.
Lily pinks slightly, her green eyes widening. “You want to walk me to the library?”
Regulus shrugs. “Why not?”
“Er,” Lily stammers. “Yeah, okay. I’d like that, sure.”
“Okay,” Regulus says, unsure why she’s acting so fidgety. He guesses it’s a bit surprising that he would offer, but it’s not like they’ve had any negative interactions. Plus, she’s at least partially friends with Sirius and James, from what he’s gathered.
The two of them make their way to the library, walking in what Regulus would describe as comfortable silence. The library isn’t too far from where they started, so the walk is over quickly.
“Here we are,” Lily murmurs, stopping outside of the library doors. She hoists her book bag higher on her shoulder.
“Here we are,” Regulus repeats.
“Did you want to— would you want to join me?” Lily asks, twisting her mouth. “The library doesn’t close for a couple of hours, so we could get some work done?”
“Oh,” Regulus says, “No, sorry. I’ve got to get going. Are you okay to walk back when you’re done?”
Lily waves a hand in dismissal. “I’ll be fine. I’ve done it plenty of times before.”
Regulus nods, getting ready to bid her goodbye when she speaks again.
“Wel, if you ever want to join me, in the library that is, just let me know. I’ve heard you’re quite brilliant. We would probably work well together.”
Regulus raises his eyebrows in surprise at the invitation. He and Lily aren’t— they aren’t friends. Definitely can’t be, as things progress with the war.
“Maybe,” Regulus tells her. “I’ll let you know.”
“Alright. Goodnight, Regulus. Thank you for walking me, and the whole Snape thing. I don’t usually like people fighting my battles for me, or speaking for me or whatever, but… But that was nice of you. So thanks.”
“No skin off my back,” Regulus nods. “Goodnight, Evans.”
She heads into the library, throwing a final glance toward Regulus, waving over her shoulder as she goes and Regulus returns it.
He makes his way back to the dungeons, only slightly bewildered by the whole thing. He keeps surprising himself and people keep surprising him.
He needs to stop being so friendly. It’s never been an issue for him, but he’s sure it’s because of his time spent with James.
Admitting to Sirius that he likes James, which isn’t even the half of it. Wearing his family crest and pushing his friends away. Threatening to kill Snape. Walking Lily Evans to the library. He’s all over the place. A bit of a mess, really. Kinder in some ways, likely crueler than before in more.
He needs to focus, but he’s not ready yet. His actions make that clear.