On Begged and Borrowed Time

My house of stone, your ivy grows

And now I'm covered

Mid-September, 1976

James has been having dreams.

Not just any kind of dreams. Dreams about Regulus. 

The first dream he had, where he got, er, a little bit excited, he brushed off as his raging hormones. But he's three weeks into the term now and he's dreamt of Regulus close to every night. They aren't always like the first one, in fact, they usually aren't. Most of the time Regulus is just kind of there, standing in the background as things play out. Even those glimpses of him leave James feeling something, his heart pounding as he wakes up.

Take now for example, it's 5:00 a.m. and James is lying in bed before he has to get up for quidditch practice. He had been in the middle of a dream in which he was following Regulus down a series of disjointed hallways before he woke up with a jolt. In the dream, Regulus spun around to face James and smiled. He stepped towards him, standing on his tiptoes to put a hand on James’ shoulder. Just as he began to lean in towards him, James’ alarm rang out, harshly waking him. He lay there, his heart thudding in his chest and closed his eyes again before letting out a heavy sigh and turning his alarm off.

James has been telling himself for the past few weeks that the dreams are because he and Regulus have been spending so much time together. They don't really see each other outside of prefect rounds, but even so, those happen every other day for a couple of hours a night and Regulus has gotten a lot more comfortable around James. 

He tells James things, sometimes. Not anything all that important, but things nonetheless. Sometimes it's about his day, or something he learned in his classes, or a story about one of his friends. In return, James does the same. Then again, James did that even when Regulus didn't, but that doesn't bother him. Regulus is a bit shy.

Most nights their rounds run late, so Regulus is the last person James speaks to before he goes to bed. It would only make sense that he'd dream about him. Plus, he usually lingers in James’ mind until he falls asleep. It's just what his subconscious has to work with.

But, the voice in James’ head says, You don't dream about your friends when you see or think about them before bed.

Sometimes I do, he says back.

Not like this, the voice responds, matter of factly.

James doesn't have an answer to that. What does like this mean though? He doesn't know and he doesn't have the time to figure it out now. The Gryffindor v. Slytherin match is a few days away and James is determined to bring home a win for his house. He gets ready quickly and makes his way down to the pitch.

-

Something James hadn’t considered about the match against Slytherin is that it would require him to think about Regulus even more than he already does. It also meant he'd hear what other people thought about him.

“Listen, I hate to say it as much as the next Gryffindor,” Alice says to him as they're walking to the locker room after practice, “But Regulus Black is a phenomenal seeker. He could take the game on Saturday.”

Alice is the seeker for the Gryffindor team and is an excellent flier, but it's not her typical role. She’s a keeper at heart. However, she's been filling in as seeker ever since Sirius got kicked off the team after the prank at the end of last year. Sirius was a beater, not a seeker, but the team had to make a lot of position changes to make up for the sudden loss of Sirius and still ensure the Quidditch Cup. James had tried to find someone new when he held tryouts at the start of this term, but there was no one close to her skill, or Sirius’.

“Alice, don't talk like that,” James reprimands, “Regulus might be good, but you are too. The team is in excellent shape.” That's mostly true. Practices have been going well, but everyone is still adjusting to the lack of Sirius and the player who took Alice’s place as keeper.

She gives him a look. “I appreciate your positivity, Captain, but I think we both know this won't be as easy as usual. Better to prepare ourselves for the worst, I think.” She gives him a nod, and jogs ahead, catching up to Frank.

James watches as Alice jumps on Frank’s back, letting out a shout when he hitches her higher on his body. She locks her arms around his neck and kisses him on the cheek, Frank smiling widely at her. James feels a pang in his chest as a sudden, deep sense of loneliness overcomes him. Without meaning to, he thinks about Regulus again. He absentmindedly wonders what it'd be like to carry him around like that. To hear him laugh and feel him pressed against his back. 

James quite literally stops in his tracks as he realizes what he was thinking. He runs a hand through his hair as his nerves increase. He doesn't- he doesn't understand why Regulus is consuming his thoughts like this, and what he really doesn't understand is why the thoughts are becoming more and more like that. Affectionate and wanting. It's not that he's upset by it, per say, but he's confused. He's so bloody confused.

He’s still standing there, staring out at the pitch when Marlene comes up behind him, slapping a hand on his shoulder, “You okay there, Potter? I've never seen you think so hard in my life.” She says, looking mildly concerned. 

James stands up straight, running his hand through his hair again and smoothes his expression into a smile.

“Yeah, Marlene, I'm fine. Just thinking about the game this weekend."

Marlene smiles at him knowingly. “Should've guessed, you lunatic. It'll be fine. C’mon, we need to change, you stink.” She wrinkles her nose at him.

James lets out a laugh, throwing a sweaty arm around her as she shrieks and the two of them walk to the locker room together. He casts one last look over his shoulder at the pitch and wonders if he's going to be able to keep himself concentrated when he has to play Regulus on Saturday.

-

After practice, the Gryffindor team heads to the Great Hall for breakfast together. Everyone is in high spirits despite the practice being less than perfect, which James is happy about. A team that meshes well together is a team that wins together, he tells himself.

He’s chatting to Marlene about some plays he has planned for Saturday when someone sits down across from them.

“Good morning, you two,” Mary says brightly, her curls bouncing as she settles down at the table. “How was practice? Has James gone barmy enough that you've finally realized that quidditch is a crock of shit?” She smiles sweetly at Marlene and James and bats her lashes.

“Fat chance, Mary,” Marlene says, rolling her eyes. She and Mary are best friends, but the two girls are quite different James has come to realize over the years. They're both very funny and rather opinionated, but Mary would rather scrub cauldrons with Filch than get on a broom. Moony is the same way. James doesn't get it, but to each their own, he supposes.

James just laughs and reminds her that if it wasn't for the quidditch team and its players, her dating pool would decrease dramatically. She laughs loudly at that, and the sound rings out across the half-empty dining hall like ringing bells.

“Too right you are, James,” She says, adding jam to her toast with a smile.

The three of them eat, maintaining idle conversation about classes and, because James and Marlene can't help it, the game coming up.

“Oi, watch out,” Marlene says, nudging James with her shoulder, “We’ve noticed your weekly proposals to Lily seem to have been put on pause. She's right there, so now’s your chance.”

James looks up from his plate with a start and the two girls laugh. 

Marlene is right, Lily is walking right towards them. Her deep red hair has gotten longer since last year, reaching the high waist of her uniform skirt. She's also got fringe now, which reminds James of one of the Muggle celebrities that Remus and Sirius have shown him before. She spots Marlene and Mary and smiles widely, the freckles on her nose and around her eyes scrunching as her face opens up. When she sees James sitting with them her smile falters slightly, but she joins them at the table anyway.

“Hello,” She says looking at the three of them, “Good practice, then?” Her eyes rest on Marlene before landing on James. 

Now, for context, this is quite momentous. James wishes the marauders were here to see it. Lily never speaks to James. At least, she never initiates it. Sometimes when James talks to her she dignifies him with a response, but even that is rare on most occasions. Also, considering the fact their last real interaction was last year after Snape called her- that word, he can't believe she's giving him the time of day. She was quite angry at James after that whole thing, which he felt was a bit misdirected, but that's Lily for you. Bold, headstrong. He's always loved that about her.

He hears Mary’s titters of laughter and realizes that he’s still staring back at Lily, not speaking. He runs a hand through his hair and pulls on a grin.

“Pretty good, yeah. McKinnon here will lead us to victory, surely,” He says, bumping elbows with Marlene who laughs.

Lily raises her eyebrows at him. “Oh, really,” she says, smiling slightly, “You mean to tell me that the great James Potter won't be doing that all on his own?”

This really is strange. The interaction that's happening right now, that is. Lily is known for taking the piss out of James, sure, but its usually got some venom to it. That's not what's happening right now. She's being rather nice to him, actually. Treating him like she does her other friends.

“Oh please,” Marlene says. “James can't manage without the rest of the team. He's hopeless really. Can barely fly, poor lamb.”

The girls laugh and James groans. 

“Remind me why we’re friends, Marlene?” He says with some humor in his voice. It doesn't actually bother him, the teasing. He likes it. Likes the attention. 

“Because you love me. And you'd never win a game if I wasn't your star beater,” She says, rising from her seat. “I need to run back to the tower before classes. Mary, Lily, do you want to come?”

They nod and get up to join her. 

“Bye, James,” Lily says, turning back to look at him as they leave.

“Bye?” James says, his eyebrows drawing together. Mary and Marlene laugh again, and the girls make their way out of the great hall, talking as they go.

Now, James doesn't really like that. When they laugh at him and not with him. Overall though, that was a pretty good interaction with Lily, he thinks. He sighs, pushing scrambled eggs around his plate with his fork.  

He looks up from his food to see if any of the marauders have made their way down to breakfast yet, but when he raises his eyes he only sees Regulus, and his stomach swoops. Reg is sitting at the Slytherin table and he's looking right at James, a look on his face that James can't quite read. He has one hand on the table, his fist clenched. James looks back at him, questioningly, but Regulus looks away. When James follows his gaze, he catches a glimpse of Lily’s red hair as she leaves the entryway to the hall. 

Lily? James thinks. Has Regulus got an issue with Lily?

He turns back to Regulus, but he’s not looking at James anymore. He's speaking quietly with Barty Crouch. James has never liked Crouch much, but can at least appreciate that he doesn't hang out with Snape and seems to be a good friend to Reg. At least based on the little Regulus has said about him during rounds. 

Barty says something to Regulus, gesturing in the air with his hands. Regulus says something in response and Crouch bursts out laughing, turning his head. His eyes meet James’ and he narrows them at him. James looks away quickly, smoothing out a frown that he didn't even realize was on his face.

What the bloody hell is going on? He thinks, getting up from the table and grabbing his bag. He leaves the Great Hall and makes his way to Herbology.

-

“Fucking disgusting,” Sirius says, shaking bubotuber pus off his gloved hands. “What's the point of this anyway? Sprout said this shit has healing properties for skin ailments. Do you know what skin ailments really means? Acne!” His eyes are wide and he's looking at James like he's never heard something so ridiculous in his life. “I'm not dealing with this pus because Amelia Bones needs to clear up her skin.”

James bites back a laugh. “Pads, mate, be quiet. She's right there.”

Sirius turns and Amelia is looking right at him, the angry crop of pimples across her forehead rippling as she narrows her eyes at him. Sirius looks back at James, grimacing. “I forgot we shared Herbology with the Hufflepuffs.”

James shakes his head, smiling as he carefully trims the leaves on his bubotuber. “You’re ridiculous.”

Sirius snorts and the two work in silence until he leans over to James, looking at him meaningfully.

“I got some post today.” Sirius says quietly.

“Congrats, mate. First time?” James responds with a grin.

“Oh, shut it,” Sirius rolls his eyes. “It wasn't just any post. It was from my Uncle Alphard.”

James’ eyebrows knit together at the mention of a Black family member who's willingly speaking to Sirius. 

“Alphard? Who's that?”

“Like I said, he's my uncle,” Sirius says haughtily to James. “I don't really know why he's writing to me, but he's being pretty nice. He's never been crazy like everybody else, at least with the blood purity stuff. And he keeps his distance. My mum never liked him much.”

“Hm,” James says. “I wonder why.”

Sirius doesn't detect that James is asking a rhetorical question, “Well,” Sirius says, leaning in closer to him and bringing his voice down to a whisper, “Mother and father, and Bellatrix’s parents, they always said he liked blokes. A disgrace and all that.”

James’ stomach drops and he finds himself guiltily remembering his thoughts about Regulus earlier. He searches Sirius’ face for some kind of disgust, but doesn't find it. 

“Oh?” James questions, feigning causal. “That doesn't bother you then?”

Sirius shoots him a look. “No? He's not bothering anyone, is he?” Sirius shrugs, returning to their assignment. “Honestly, good for him. He won't be contributing to bringing any more Blacks into the world.”

James watches Sirius as he works on the bubotubers. 

“Yeah. Yeah, good for him.”

-

That night, James walks to the courtyard to meet Regulus for their evening rounds on the grounds. As he approaches, he spots Regulus. He’s sitting in one of the stone alcoves lining the square, reading a book. The sun is setting, and the first whispers of a Scottish autumn are beginning to spread across the school as the temperatures start to drop slightly. 

Reg is proof of that, wearing his green and silver slytherin scarf over his robes, wrapped tightly around his neck. He looks up at the sound of James’ footsteps against the stone. His nose is pink from the cold. 

“Ready?” James asks, trying to hide his smile. He tries not to be too friendly at the start of rounds because it usually scares Regulus off a bit. James has come to realize that Reg has about a ten to fifteen minute defrosting period when it comes to interacting with him. If James moves too fast, he'll ruin the whole evening. If James is patient, he and Regulus talk for the majority of their rounds together.

Regulus nods in response, carefully placing a bookmark in between the pages and slipping the book into his robes. He hops off the ledge he was on and looks to James.

“Alright,” he says. “Where shall we begin?” That makes James smile again. Regulus is so posh. You can literally hear how well bred he is.

“Anywhere, I guess,” James responds, looking down at him. “Maybe the lake? Probably the best if we go now, before it gets too cold once the sun goes down.”

“It's like you forget that you're a wizard, Potter,” Reg rolls his eyes. “Have you forgotten about a warming spell?”

James opens his mouth to respond, he knows he's a wizard, thank you very much, but Regulus cuts him off.

“I was kidding, James. No need to get your knickers in a twist. Lead the way.”

So James does, and the two of them walk in silence towards the lake.

“You know,” Regulus says after a few minutes. “You don't have to partner with me for rounds. I can always ask McGonagall or Slughorn to switch me with Evans.”

James is shocked by what Regulus is saying. Well, he's pretty shocked Regulus is starting the conversation tonight, but James is also surprised that Reg is trying to get out of prefect duties with him. He thought they had been having a good time these past few weeks. Does he really dread rounds with him that much? James feels his stomach drop slightly.

“What?” He asks, sounding more frantic than he means to, turning to look at him. “Why would you do that?”

Regulus looks at him for a moment before responding. “Well, I figured you'd probably want to partner with Evans. Seeing as you've been obsessed with her for as long as you've known her.” His words come out harshly and once again, James wonders what Regulus’ issue with Lily is. 

“No,” James says forcefully, still staring down at Reg. “I want to be with you.” There's a pause and Regulus’ eyes flicker with something. James turns red as he realizes the double meaning. “For rounds, I mean. I want to be with you for rounds, not Lily.”

He runs a hand through his hair nervously and looks away from Regulus. The other boy is quiet for a moment and James can feel his eyes on him.

“Okay,” Regulus says slowly. “You can have me then.” James looks back at Reg and finds him smiling slightly. “For rounds, I mean.”

Oh, James realizes, He’s teasing me.

That swoop of butterflies in his stomach comes back again. Why does James have to like it so much when people tease him?

James lets out a nervous laugh and the boys continue their walk around the perimeter of the lake. The sun has gone down at this point and it's dark outside. It's a clear night, so they can see all of the stars. They reflect off of the lake like glitter catching light.

“That's my star, you know,” Regulus says. They've stopped walking and are standing at the edge of the lake, arms brushing against each other's 

“Which one?” James asks, looking down to make eye contact with him. In the light of the stars, Regulus’ eyes are a deep grey-ish green. It reminds James of the waves he saw in Ireland last winter when he visited with his parents. 

“That one,” Regulus points to the sky. “In the constellation of Leo.” He turns back to James. “I'm the heart of the lion.”

James looks up at the sky, studying the area of the sky that Regulus is pointing to. “The heart of the lion,” he repeats. “I guess you should've been in Gryffindor.”

Regulus laughs quietly at that. “That was never going to happen. I'm not very brave. Or bold.” James looks at him then, and Regulus turns his head to meet James’ gaze.

“No?” James asks, shifting closer to Regulus without really meaning to. “Well, that's okay. I can be the brave one if you ever need me to be. Or the bold one. Whichever you prefer.”

Regulus takes a breath and looks at him, his eyes searching James’. 

“Yeah?” He asks breathlessly.

“Yeah.” James nods, not taking his eyes off of Regulus’. He feels something tug inside of him. He knows that something is happening right now. It feels like he's meant to do something. His eyes go to Regulus’ lips. He wants. He really wants.

Kiss him, that voice in his head whispers. 

James looks back into Regulus’ eyes. His eyes flick from their spot on James’ mouth and back up to his eyes. Grey meeting hazel. 

Okay, James thinks back. 

Just as he begins to move forward, there's a loud splash from the lake, and he and Regulus spring apart, drawing their wands.

It's the giant squid. It has a tentacle dangling lazily over the surface of the water and seems to be splashing it playfully. It's bored.

“Bloody hell,” James laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. “That scared the shit of out of me.”

Regulus is still looking out at the lake, watching the squid’s tentacle. His brows are furrowed.

“Yeah,” he says, not looking at James. “Me too.”

Whatever was about to happen between Regulus and James is taken away after that. James is pretty sure he knows what was going to happen. He knows what he was going to do, at least. He doesn't know what Regulus would have done. He definitely doesn't know what would have happened afterwards.

Regulus continues to avoid James’ eyes for the rest of rounds, and eventually they head up to the castle, parting ways in the main entryway.

“I’ll see you on Friday for rounds, Reg.” James says. “And I'll see you on Saturday.”

“Saturday?” Regulus questions, looking confused. 

James laughs loudly. “Oh, please tell me you've forgotten about the game on Saturday and haven't been going to practice. You're the only thing getting in the way of Gryffindor winning the cup this year.”

Regulus pinks at that, still not looking at him. It makes James smile. He likes when Regulus blushes.

“I haven't forgotten about quidditch,” He grumbles. “Well, I guess I did for a moment, but no, I've been going to practice.” He pauses. “I guess you will see me on Saturday.”

James laughs again, “See you, Regulus.”

Reg glances up at him, cheeks still slightly pink. “See you, James.”

-

As James walks back to Gryffindor Tower, he's feeling good. Tonight with Reg, well he doesn't really know, but it felt good. It felt really good, whatever it was that was happening between them, even if nothing came of it.

That confusion he's been experiencing since the start of term is still there though, especially after what happened by the lake. 

James can't deny it though. He was going to kiss Regulus tonight, and he thinks Regulus was going to kiss him back. There's really no way for him to know, though. What if James had misread the situation? What if he had kissed Regulus and Reg got angry with him? Told everyone? James doesn't think Regulus would do that, but a part of him still worries. As usual, he runs a nervous hand through his hair. 

His mind wanders as he makes his way through the corridor to the portrait hole. He thinks about what Regulus said about Lily. He kind of understands where Regulus was coming from, and knows he was probably trying to be nice to James, even if his tone didn't imply it.

The thing is, James really doesn't want to be paired with Lily at this point. It's not that he would mind it, but he quite enjoys his rounds with Regulus. 

Well, obviously you enjoy them, the voice in his head says. It's starting to get rather annoying, really. He laughs a little bit to himself as he walks.

He never thought he'd be able to say this, but he really doesn't think about Lily very much these days. He really doesn't.

He has other things on his mind.