On Begged and Borrowed Time

September 2nd, 1976

When Regulus returns to his dorm after rounds with James, he finds Pandora, Barty, and Evan waiting up for him. They're the only ones left in the common room and don't notice as he silently slips in. He stands in the entryway, the door shut behind him, and watches the group.

The fireplace is flickering in front of them, Pandora’s white hair turning orange in the light of it. She has a journal out and is scribbling away, not paying attention to the game of gobstones that Evan and Barty are playing on the floor.

As Regulus watches the scene before him, his chest tightens. He doesn't feel like he's going to get to see this kind of thing from his friends for very much longer. The simplicity and, even though Barty would hate him for saying it, the innocence of it all, feels fleeting. 

The tide of the war is beginning to turn, and not in favor of The Order. Voldemort has been gaining traction and followers for a long time now, and Regulus doesn't see it slowing down. Even though he doesn't know as much after leaving Grimmauld, he doubts much has changed.

That's partially why he was so cruel to James tonight. The look in Dumbledore’s eyes as he stared at Regulus before speaking to the school was telling. He feels a bit stupid for not realizing it earlier, to be quite honest. After being taken to the Potter’s, he was either going to be made a pawn in Dumbledore’s game of war, or he was going to have to return to Grimmauld and play it there. There’s no winning option for Regulus. No scenario where he walks free from all of this. 

But. But, for a brief moment, Regulus felt like there was. After the shock of what happened to him had faded a bit, and he began to settle in at the Potter’s, he thought that he might be able to get out of this unscathed. That’s most of why Regulus was so cruel to James tonight. Because James was a huge part of that sense of false hope and security that was provided to him for a few brief weeks. 

Regulus’ feelings about James are complicated- they always have been. The first time he heard about James from Sirius, in a letter that Walburga later turned to ash, Regulus had felt excited about him. Sirius and Regulus weren't allowed many friends growing up, just the children of their parents’ colleagues, and of course, each other.

So, when Sirius wrote home to tell Regulus that he made a friend at Hogwarts who was going to love him, of course he was excited. He can remember reading the letter over and over again, eyes flitting across the familiar handwriting. He remembers writing Sirius back, sticking his tongue in the gap where his baby teeth used to be as he concentrated. He remembers his mother finding him, asking what he was doing. He remembers Kreacher healing the burns on his fingertips where the flames from his mother’s wand had singed both the letter and himself.

Things got hard for Regulus after that. He's always had an issue with getting in trouble, he doesn't like it. Soon, with a head filled with words from his mother, he came to regard James with a strong sense of distaste. It was mixed with a number of other feelings, ones that might even have been stronger, but Regulus chose to label it as distaste. Dislike, maybe.

He can clearly recall the first time he met James Potter. Despite Regulus' avoidance for trouble and the fury of his mother, he had been anxious to meet the boy Sirius spoke so highly of. He had boarded the train with his older brother, joining Sirius and his friends in their train compartment. Regulus had always been shy and on the quiet side. So, being eleven years old and meeting the person his brother spoke of like a god, he had been near silent. When he joined James and the others in the compartment though, Regulus had put his fear aside and greeted James, expecting a warm response. James however, hardly looked at him. A half-hearted hello and introduction was all that he received before James and Sirius became enthralled in each other, fulfilling the role of brothers more effortlessly than Regulus and Sirius ever had. From that moment, the dislike he harbored grew. At the same time, Regulus was well aware of the nervousness he felt when James did look his way. It was different than his fear of others in his life. This fear had butterfly wings, and they swooped in his stomach. He was too young to recognize what that was then, but he knows now, and despite his efforts, those feelings haven't subsided.

Sometimes it feels like James can detect those feelings in Regulus. The ones he works to bury. 

When Regulus finds himself in situations like that with James, it feels like he's being mocked. But then, there are snippets of these moments where Regulus thinks James might be feeling something too. Like tonight, when James had his hand on Regulus’ shoulder, eyes on his mouth. 

That had been too much. Regulus had to pull away then, or he would have done something stupid. Something really stupid.

“Regulus, mate, you're thinking too hard,” Evan says from the floor, “I can see smoke coming out of your ears as your brain overheats.” 

Regulus snaps out of his fugue, rolling his eyes at the blonde. He sits down in one of the armchairs near the three of them. 

“You're bloody creepy, Reg,” Barty says, not looking up from the game, “How long have you been standing there? You're totally silent, it's like a miniature Bloody Baron”

“Regulus isn't creepy, he's sly. He can go undetected. You might want to try it, Barty,” Pandora says, glancing up from her journal, “Hi, Reg. Good rounds?”

Regulus hardly looks at her, just giving a nod in response. He's not in the mood to talk. 

Pandora frowns but doesn't push it. She snaps her journal shut and tucks her quill behind her ear.

“I'm going to bed now. I'll see the three of you here tomorrow morning for breakfast?”

Regulus doesn't respond. He rises from his chair and walks towards the boy's dorm, ignoring Barty and Evan’s calls for him to stay.

-

The next morning, Regulus isn’t in any better spirits. He goes to breakfast early to avoid the crowds, and in a way, his friends. As he’s sitting there by himself, pushing some porridge around his bowl, a large, speckled eagle owl lands in front of him. This isn't one of his parents’owls, and he can't think of anyone else who would be sending him post on the second day of school.

He raises a brow expectantly at the owl and it sticks out its leg, displaying a letter with his name on it. Regulus takes it and hands the owl a bit of a breakfast roll.

Once the bird flies off, he opens the letter.

Dear Regulus,

 

I know you probably weren't expecting any post from me on your first day of classes, but I couldn't help myself. I promise I'll keep it short. I always send James and Sirius letters asking about their first night at Hogwarts, and I was desperate to know how things went for you yesterday. First evening as a prefect, as well! How was that?

 

I hope you have a lovely time in your classes today, and enjoy the rest of your term. We’ll see each other soon; Monty and I can't wait to see you for the Christmas holidays.

 

All my love,

 

Effie

P.S. We’re planning on attending the Gryffindor v. Slytherin match next month. We are so looking forward to seeing you fly!

With trembling hands, Regulus puts the letter down on the table. There it is again, that sense of hope. A sense of security that he knows can't be real.

He sighs, closing his eyes briefly before picking the letter up again and folding it into a small square. He tucks it away into the inner pocket of his robes, and leaves the breakfast table.

-

“Hey, Prince Black!” 

Regulus recognizes Mulciber’s voice and keeps walking. He’s heading to the library and the halls aren't very crowded, so he doesn't have a lot of options for escape or distraction. He slips his hand into his pocket, making sure he knows where his wand is.

“Black! I know you can hear me! 

Regulus keeps walking. He's really not interested in entertaining Mulciber today. Or any day, really.

“Incarcerous!” 

A rope appears around Regulus’ ankles and he falls forward on the cold stone floor, barely catching himself before his head smacks against it. His books clatter around him, ringing out in the empty hallway.

“Pretty low, Mulciber, cursing someone with their back turned,” Regulus says, reaching for his wand.

“Well, I tried to get you to turn around, but you couldn't even do that for me,” Mulciber says with mock guilt, “I just had to curse you to get your attention.”

Regulus rolls over, looking up at Mulciber from a sitting position on the floor.

“What is it that you want, then? I don't have all day.”

Mulciber laughs meanly, “You think you’re so much better than all of us, don't you? Why? Because mummy and daddy told you so?” He sneers at Regulus. “I know what happened this summer, my mother told me all about it. So does the Dark Lord. You won't be welcomed back like the prince you think you are. You aren't ready for what’s coming for you, you dirty little blood traitor.”

Regulus keeps his face neutral as he listens to what Mulciber is saying, but it’s making him a bit nervous. The radio silence from his parents made him think that they might not have broadcasted what happened this summer, either out of shame or self-preservation. But if a loose cannon like Mulciber knows, he's sure that most people in that circle do.

If the Dark Lord really does know he’s been kicked out, and if his parents told him the truth about what Regulus said, then Mulciber is right. He isn’t ready for what's coming for him.

“I’m not sure you know what you're talking about, Mulciber,” Regulus says sweetly, “I know your mum’s half troll, but I figured you got your father’s intelligence since you got her looks.”

Mulciber curses him again. In hindsight, Regulus probably should have seen that coming. This time, it's a stinging jinx across his face. He feels his eye begin to rapidly swell and he cries out in pain, hand going to his face.

“Aw, what’s wrong pretty boy? Worried you won't be able to get a boyfriend looking like that?”

Regulus raises his wand, sending a jinx towards Mulciber but with only one eye, his aim is off. The stone beside Mulciber’s head is left singed, blue sparks still crackling from Regulus’ wand.

“Oh, you want to play, do you?” Mulciber laughs, approaching Regulus with his wand held out in front of his face. Regulus can recognize the shit position he’s in at the moment, especially when he has to scoot backward to get away from Mulciber because of the ropes around his ankles. 

Moments later, Regulus has successfully backed himself into a literal corner. His heart pounds as Mulciber approaches, and as he gets in close enough range Regulus disarms him, his wand flying into Regulus’ hand.

All this does is enrage Mulciber, and he rushes forward, fisting Regulus’ robes in his hand as he pulls his arm back. Regulus closes his good eye and braces for the impact.

-

“Hey, Prongs, do you have the map?”

James looks up at Sirius, who’s pulling on his robes and getting ready to go downstairs for lunch. They just had their free period.

“Yeah, give me a second,” James leans over and pulls it out of his school bag, tossing it in the air to Sirius. He goes back to his copy of Quidditch Through The Ages.

“James.”

“Hm?” He says, not looking up from his magazine.

“James!”

The panic in Sirius’ voice causes him to shift his attention and he sees that Sirius has gone white in the face, staring at the map.

“What?! What is it?” James rips the map out of his hands and runs his eyes over it. “Sirius, what? I-” James sees it then, “Oh.”

Regulus is alone on the 6th floor. The only other person in the hallway is Mulciber. Their eyes meet.

The next thing they know, they're running down the halls as fast as they ever have. James’ legs are burning and Sirius is panting, but they aren't stopping.

James has the map still and is directing them towards Regulus. “Keep going! Just to the left and we should be there!”

Sirius speeds up, rounding the corner before him. James slows down slightly, folding up the map and tucking it into his robes.

When he makes it around the corner, he sees Sirius waiting for him, a finger to his lips.

James joins him and listens. They still have another stretch of hallway before they get to Regulus, but the two Slytherins are being rather loud.

“I’m not sure you know what you're talking about, Mulciber,” Regulus says in a sweet voice, “I know your mum’s half troll, but I figured you got your father’s intelligence since you got her looks.”

James and Sirius look at each other, trying to hold in their laughter. Then, they hear someone cry out in pain. James moves to rush forward, but Sirius grabs him. “Wait,” he whispers, “Regulus will kill us if we interrupt him handling Mulciber himself. Maybe if we wait we’ll be able to hear what's goi-”

Mulciber’s voice rings out in the hallway, “Aw, what’s wrong pretty boy? Worried you won't be able to get a boyfriend looking like that?”

The comment is cruel, of course, but something about it in particular James to take a sharp inhale. He looks to Sirius, whose face is contorted with anger.

They rush forward, wands out. When the two of them reach Regulus, Mulciber is leaning over him, hiding Regulus' face from James and Sirius. There are ropes around his ankles and he's leaning against the wall.

“Mulciber, mate, you cannot be this stupid,” Sirius says. Mulciber whips around to look at him.

“Messing with Reggie? Now, what good do you think will come from that?” Sirius moves quickly, “Locomotor Wibbly ”

The jelly legs jinx hits Mulciber square in the chest. He drops to the floor immediately, but Sirius isn't done. Neither is James.

“You think it’s funny, do you? Picking on people like this?” James asks, enraged.  “Oppungo!”

A dozen small birds burst from the tip of James’ wand, pecking Mulciber as he cries out in pain. Sirius barks a laugh, “Nice one, James!”

Mulciber looks up at the two of them, blood dripping down his temple from the tiny pricks in his skin, “I couldn't give less of a shit about picking on people, Potter. You’re such an idiot, I swear. What I care about is people getting what's coming to them, and that's exactly what was happening to Regulus back there.”

Sirius speaks then, “Getting what's coming? What bullshit are you on about Mulciber? You're not a Death Eater, quit trying to carry out your father’s bidding at school.”

“Not yet I'm not, but just you wait. You’ll see what you could have been, Sirius.”

Sirius lunges forward, punching Mulciber in the nose. James rushes forward and pulls Sirius off of him just as he goes in for another hit. Mulciber stays on the floor, blood gushing onto the stone. He's laughing.

“Merlin, Sirius. I know we have a flair for the dramatics, but can't you at least shut him up?” Asks Regulus. “Stupefy!”

Mulciber stops laughing immediately, slumping against the wall. James and Sirius turn to Regulus.

He's still sitting on the floor, Incarcerous ropes still tied tightly around his ankles. His left eye is purple and badly swollen to the point that it's not open. He has a split lip again.

“Reggie, holy shit,” Sirius rushes forward, “Finite.” The ropes disappear.

“I’m fine,” Regulus grumbles, but he doesn't push Sirius away when he starts fussing over him.

James is still staring at Regulus as a wave of nausea runs over him while he catalogs Reg’s injuries. They're not that bad. He's definitely seen Regulus look worse, but he feels like he's going to throw up this time. He doesn't know if it's because Regulus is hurt, or if it's because James wasn't here to protect him. He thinks it might be both.

He turns to Mulciber and feels rage bubble up his chest, gripping his wand tighter as he begins to walk toward him. James stands there, considering, when Regulus’ voice brings him back to reality.

“James? What are you doing?”

What is he doing? Mulciber is passed out, James can't curse him. But you could, says a tiny voice in his head, He hurt Regulus. James shakes his head, shocked by his own thoughts. 

“Sorry, er, I don't really know. I just wanted to check on him, I guess.”

“Leave him,” Sirius says, “Filch or somebody’ll find him. We need to take Reggie to the hospital wing.”

“No!” Regulus blurts out, “You can't!”

“Regulus…” James starts.

“Yeah, Reg, don't be ridiculous. You have to go to the hospital wing.” Sirius says, speaking in a tone that James has only ever heard him use when speaking to his little brother. It reminds James a little bit of his own mum. 

“No, I mean you really can't. Madame Pomfrey could call Mum and Dad and then-” Regulus falters, “Then they could come down here. Take me home. You can't take me to the hospital wing, Sirius.”

Sirius and James share a look. He has a point.

“Alright, fine. But you're coming back to Gryffindor Tower with us. Remus’ll patch you up,” Sirius says.

-

“Ow! Watch it!” Regulus says as James pats his split lower lip with Muggle antiseptic. Remus is standing in the bathroom with them, reading from a healing textbook.

“I've healed plenty of black eyes and bruises before,” Remus explains, “But I've never really dealt with swelling like this. Or stinging jinxes.” He looks up from the book and into Regulus’ eyes. 

“Oh, lovely. I'm in excellent hands.”

Sirius smacks Regulus on the back of the head. “Don't be rude to Moony. He’s helping you, you little twat.”

Regulus rubs his head, looking at Sirius reproachfully. “You know, you'd think you'd be a bit nicer to me right now, considering I was attacked and all.”

“I’ll be nice to you,” James says, pausing his cleaning of Regulus’ lip and looking right at him. Regulus turns pink and looks away, making eye contact with Remus. Seeing the blush on his cheeks, Remus can't help but look a little bit confused.

“Yeah, James can be nice to you,” Sirius is busy washing his hands, back turned to the three of them. He scoffs, “Besides, I was nice when I first saw you. Now you're being a brat.”

“Okay, let's quit the catfight, please,” Remus says, stepping forward. “I don't think it's a spell we need. I mean, there's definitely a counter-jinx for a stinging spell, but at least an hour has passed, so I think some Murtlap essence should heal it up pretty nicely.” Remus turns to Peter who’s sitting on the floor of the bathroom, looking rather bored. “Peter, would you mind grabbing it? It's in a small silver tin on my nightstand.”

“Got it, Moony!” Peter exclaims, scrambling up from his spot on the tiles.

“Sirius, why don't you grab me the plasters in my school bag?” Remus asks. Regulus doesn't need plasters, Remus just wants to test a theory.

Sirius agrees and leaves the bathroom. Now, it's just James, Regulus, and Remus.

“James, I'm pretty sure that his lip is as clean as it's gonna get,” Remus says, raising a brow at James. James stops patting Regulus' lip and turns around to look at Remus, his face a ridiculous shade of red. 

Oh, Remus thinks to himself. What is going on between those two? And does Sirius see it too?

When Sirius and Pete return with the supplies Remus requested, he finishes up on Regulus. 

“Alright,” Sirius says, hands on his hips, “I’ll walk you back to the dungeons. Prongs, you coming?”

“Sirius, you're not my governess. I don't need you to escort me.” Regulus says, folding his arms in a petulant way that reminds Remus far too much of Sirius.

“Merlin, Regulus, could you be any more posh?” Sirius rolls his eyes. “Governess?”

“Actually, Pads, I think I will,” Remus volunteers before Regulus can respond. “We’ll probably draw less attention that way.”

Sirius looks a bit put out, but he doesn't argue. Now it's Regulus’ turn to look at Remus curiously.

-

“So… Pretty eventful start of term for you, huh?” Remus says to Regulus, his hands in his pockets.

Regulus hums in response. He’s not sure what exactly it is that Lupin wants, and he's not interested in getting to know him. Sirius can keep him.

“You know, if I hadn't given up my spot as prefect, you'd be doing rotations with me and not James,” Remus says lightly. Regulus glances at him out of the corner of his eye. 

“How interesting, Lupin.”

“I'm just saying, there's probably some version of reality where we're meant to be friends.”

Regulus turns to look at Remus, arching a brow as he looks up at the taller boy. “You think we’re meant to be friends?”

Remus laughs lightly at that, “That's not exactly what I said, but yeah, I guess so. I'm also not saying it has to happen, it's just interesting to me. Especially since you and James are so friendly these days.”

“Friendly is a strong word,” Regulus mumbles, feeling his face get hot.

“Nothing wrong with more mates, right?” Lupin asks, and Regulus scoffs without meaning to. He doesn't even know why. He tries to shake out his thoughts.

“Sure, Lupin.” He decides to respond.

Remus smiles slightly, stopping at the entrance to the dungeons. When Regulus meets his eye, there’s a mischievous glint in them and it feels like he’s just told a joke that Regulus isn't in on. 

“Well,” Lupin says, “This is where I leave you. Have a good rest of your night, Regulus.”

Regulus walks through the entrance, unwilling to unpack whatever that interaction was.

-

As Remus walks back to Gryffindor Tower, he thinks about how different things have been since last year. Last year was, to put it bluntly, a hot fucking mess. Between OWLs and the werewolf thing, it was probably his most stressful year yet. Not to mention what Sirius had done.

He still can't believe that really happened. That Sirius told Snape that Remus was a werewolf and led him directly to Remus on the full moon. They didn't speak for months following what James has since dubbed “the prank”. It's not exactly the best description in Remus’ opinion, but it's better than saying “the time that one of your best friends betrayed you by revealing your biggest secret to the person you hate most in the school”. Yeah, “the prank” is fine.

Remus didn't think he'd forgive Sirius for what happened, but he did. After countless apologies and plenty of begging, he gave in. Remus always seems to give in to Sirius. It wasn't just because of his soft spot for Sirius that he gave in, though. For his entire life, at least for as long as he can remember, nothing has been normal. So eventually Remus was tired of the fact that one of the few things in his life that did feel normal had gone to shit, and he found it in himself to forgive Sirius.

The problem with that, though, when he really thinks about it, is that nothing about his relationship with Sirius is normal. At least not in the way his friendship with James and Peter is.

Remus has been in love with Sirius since his third year. Probably before that as well, but that's when he realized what his feelings were. That's also why the past couple of days, watching James and Regulus, he’s picked up on something. He recognizes that the reactions they've been having to each other, the blushing and stuttering and whatever else, isn't reserved for mates. It's something else entirely. Something deeper, and in this case, something pretty much forbidden.

The thing is, he doesn't think that they realize yet. At least, not James. It's probably never even occurred to James that he could like anyone besides Lily, and let alone a bloke. Regulus on the other hand, Remus thinks he knows.

As a closeted teenage boy himself, Remus can spot the signs pretty easily, and he's been suspicious about Regulus for a couple of years now. He couldn't even tell you why, to be honest. He can just tell. Call it a sixth sense or something.

It surprises Remus a bit about James, but he's learned at this point not to assume anything about anyone. For example, he never would've thought Gideon Prewett swung that way, but then he drunkenly kissed Remus in one of the alcoves during a Gryffindor party. Nothing came of it and Remus didn't tell anyone, but afterwards, he noticed that Gideon never dated anyone or talked about any girls. That's usually a sign, Remus thinks.

If Remus had assumed that James was gay, or bi, or whatever he is, he wouldn't have pegged Regulus as his type, that's for sure. You wouldn't think that someone like James, who takes up so much space without even trying, would go for someone like Regulus, who seems set on the idea of going unnoticed. But opposites attract, and whatnot, Remus guesses. Plus, the more he thinks about it the more he can draw the similarities between Regulus and Lily: incredibly smart, quick-witted, and a bit snarky. Not to mention, Regulus is quite good-looking. Remus would never be interested in Regulus himself, but the similarities between him and Sirius are enough for him to notice that Regulus is attractive. Yeah, actually, Remus gets how James would like him. 

The biggest issue that Remus sees in this situation, besides the fact that James is likely as clueless as can be about the whole thing, is Sirius. Remus isn't sure how he'd react to Regulus and James. He loves them both so much, but that might be the issue in and of itself. 

Something else Remus isn't sure about is how Regulus is going to turn out. Sure, he got out of Grimmauld, but Sirius told Remus how it happened, and it wasn't necessarily of his own volition. He was forced to tell their parents how he felt when given Veritaserum. He didn't choose to speak up or leave on his own. Walburga and Orion also haven't disowned Regulus like they did with Sirius. Remus won't say it to anyone else, but he knows there's a chance that Regulus could go back to Grimmauld and the other side. If that happened and James and Regulus were… involved, well, Remus doesn't know really. He doesn't know what would happen. What he does know is that it would break James’ heart, and that's the last thing he wants for one of his best friends.

Before he knows it, he's back at Gryffindor Tower. He steps through the portrait hole into the warmth of the common room. 

“Moooony,” Sirius calls out from one of the sofas, “I missed you. Come sit with us! Pete’s absolutely annihilating James in a game of chess right now.”

Remus looks at Sirius and the devilish grin on his face and feels that oh-so-familiar swoop in his stomach.

“Yeah, yeah. Pete, once you put James out of his misery, you're playing me next.”

As he sits next to Sirius on the couch, Remus feels a jolt of electricity spread through his entire body as their knees knock together. Well, he thinks, if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that I'm just as fucked as James and Regulus.