Can't Stop You Putting Roots In My Dreamland
Oh, I can't
Stop you putting roots in my dreamland
September 1st, 1976
“Mr. Potter,” McGonagall’s reedy voice rings out as he enters the Great Hall, “A word, please?”
“In trouble already, Potter? That's got to be a new record,” Marlene teases.
“Oh, shove off, McKinnon. We all know, I’m Minnie’s favorite. She’s obviously desperate to see me,” James says, placing a hand to his chest.
Peter titters and James earns an eye roll from Remus. Sirius laughs loudly, drawing the attention of some third years walking by. James grins at his friends.
“Alright, well, I’ll see you all. Don’t want to keep Minnie waiting,” says James, wiggling his eyebrows. He jogs off in the direction of McGonagall at the front of the Hall. She stands, watching him expectantly.
“Hello, Professor. Good summer?” James grins. McGonagall really is his favorite professor, even if she’s a bit stern. He knows he gets the better side of her than some of the other students, like Peter for example. It’s not James’ fault he’s an excellent quidditch player and top of the class in Transfiguration. Some things just work out in his favor that way.
“Fine, Potter. I know you’ve had a rather eventful summer,” she says, raising her brow at him. It takes a second for James to understand what she’s referring to. Until it clicks. Ah, he thinks to himself, Regulus.
“Eventful is one word for it,” he responds. He runs a nervous hand through his hair, “Was there something you wanted to ask me?”
She surveys him before speaking. She sighs. “Now, Potter, I know you’ll likely be disappointed, but I have something to ask of you. I hope you will consider.”
This makes James’ stomach drop. Does she want someone to replace him as Captain on the quidditch team? Cancel the Cup this year?
“It’s not about Quidditch, is it?” He blurts. That earns him a small smile from McGonagall.
“No, Potter, I assure you I am not disrupting Gryffindor’s team in any way. Rather, this is about your Prefect duties this year.”
Oh shit, James remembers, I’m a Prefect. He definitely forgot about the Prefect meeting on the train.
“As I’m sure you’re aware of due to your living situation, Regulus Black has been made a Prefect as well.” James nods, unsure what that has to do with him.
McGonagall continues, “Unfortunately, Professor Slughorn and Professor Dumbledore are unable to ensure Regulus’ safety amongst his fellow Slytherin prefects for rounds. It’s a bit out of the ordinary, but we are asking that you take him on as your partner,” She explains to James, “At least for the first term.”
James stares at her for a moment. Did she really think he would mind? It’s bloody prefect rounds, for God’s sake. He couldn’t care less about how they go.
“Of course, we won't be matching Miss Evans to Regulus’ partner out of similar concerns. Frank Longbottom will be partnering with Miss Bulstrode.”
That causes James to stop in his tracks. Evans.Lily Evans. In the commotion of the summer, and even the train ride to school, James hadn’t given her so much as a second thought. He forgot that she was a prefect. Forgot that at one point, he had daydreamed about being made a prefect so that they could do rounds together and he could finally win her over. James waits for the pang of disappointment that he won’t be able to fulfill those plans yet, but it doesn’t really come.
“That’s fine, Professor, honestly. I’m happy to help out,” he assures his head of house genuinely.
She looks into his eyes for a moment, clearly searching his face for something. When she doesn’t find it, or maybe when she does, she places a hand on his shoulder, fondness evident in her eyes, “I’m proud of you, James. You’ve really grown over the years.” With that, she walks to her place at the staff table.
James doesn’t really understand what the fuss is about but appreciates her comment nonetheless. He makes his way back to the Gryffindor table, walking past the Slytherins. His eyes find Regulus without trying. He’s sitting next to that girl he was with earlier on the train. A Malfoy, he’s pretty sure. James can’t remember her name. She whispers something in his ear, and a smile tugs at Regulus’ mouth. James feels something squirm inside of him. It’s not like the warmth Regulus brings out of him sometimes, it’s cold. Jealousy, James recognizes. Just as he realizes this, feeling more confused than before, the girl turns and looks at him. Her startling blue eyes narrow at him slightly before she tilts her head to the side slightly, smirking.
James looks away immediately, flushing as he walks quickly towards Sirius, Remus, and Peter’s spot at the Gryffindor table.
“What was that about?” Sirius asks immediately, nodding his head towards McGonagall. James shakes his head as Dumbledore rises from his seat at the top of the Great Hall, getting ready for his annual speech and the Sorting Ceremony. “Later,” James mouths. Sirius’ brows furrow, but he doesn’t argue.
Dumbledore’s speeches have always been a bit somber during their time at Hogwarts. A side effect of living through wartime, James guesses. This year feels different, though. Typically, Dumbledore doesn’t really get into it, instead referencing the importance of love and friendship or some bollocks like that. Universal truths, Dumbledore had said James’ first year, like love and friendship, are the most unifying causes one can devote oneself to. I hope each one of you will find those things here in the walls of this school. That had stuck with James, for some reason. Even the bad guys, the dark side, have people they love: partners, children, mates from school. Just like James. Just like his parents and his friends. James had never thought about it that way, never humanized the villain like that.
This year, however, Dumbledore seems to be focusing heavily on the idea of light and darkness, which to James sounds a lot like he’s telling his students to pick a side. James doesn’t disagree with him, but he’s surprised. He’s not sure Dumbledore is meant to speak like that around students.
As James watches Dumbledore at the podium in front of him, he begins to feel a prickling sensation on his neck. He turns, and makes eye contact with Regulus. He looks away from James quickly, but James doesn’t look away, taking him in. The crisp state of his uniform, not a curl out of place. James smiles slightly to himself, swot. He realizes that another pair of eyes are on him now. The Malfoy girl again. She’s looking at James like she can see right through him. This time, there’s no smirk on her face. Instead, she raises her brows at him, darting her eyes towards Regulus and back to him. James’ eyes widen and he looks away, feeling like he was caught doing something he shouldn’t have. He runs his hand through his hair again. He’s going to go bald by the time he’s 20 at this rate.
He’s still feeling rather flustered by the time the Sorting is finished and the feast appears on the table. He feels out of his depth, like she knows something he doesn’t.
“Hey,” James says to Sirius, “Who’s that girl Regulus is with?”
Sirius looks over at James, pausing his conversation with Remus. He glances at the Slytherin table before answering.
“Oh, Pandora. Pandora Malfoy. A cousin of Narcissa’s husband,” Sirius explains, “She’s alright. She was at some of my parent’s parties growing up. Her family isn’t as psychotic as mine, although that doesn't take much.”
James nods, and Sirius looks thoughtful for a moment. “Her and Regulus have always gotten along. I didn’t realize they were friends at school, though. Although,” Sirius laughs a little, “I guess I didn’t pay much attention to him the last few years. Anyway, what did Minnie say?”
James folds his arms, leaning on the table as he gets closer to Sirius. “Not much, really. She asked if I’d be okay with partnering with Regulus for prefect rounds,” he shrugs, “Guess she and Sluggy thought it’d be better for him that way.”
Sirius’ demeanor changes almost immediately. “What? Did she say why?”
James shakes his head, “No, just that it’d be safer that way. I don’t know. I didn’t really ask any questions.”
“I swear to God, if those slimy gits are threatening him, they have another thing coming.” Sirius hisses, staring angrily at the Slytherin table behind James.
“We’ll look out for him, Pads, don’t worry about it just yet,” Remus says, not looking up from his book. Sirius turns to look at him, his face softening. He seems to relax a bit. “Thanks, Moony,” he says quietly.
Remus looks up at him then, giving him a small smile before returning to his reading.
“Well, to be honest with all of you, I’m surprised James isn’t rioting because he has to partner with Regulus,” Peter says between bites of his sausage and potatoes. The rest of the boys stay quiet.
“And what is that supposed to mean, Peter?” Sirius questions, burning a hole into the smaller boy's head.
Peter looks up immediately, “No, Sirius, that’s not what I meant! I wasn’t saying anything about Regulus…”
“Then what did you mean, Pete?” James asks. His voice isn’t as mean as Sirius’, but he would like to know what Wormtail is referring to.
“Well, I just figured you’d be pretty excited to get paired with, you know,” Pete says, widening his eyes and nodding his head to the left of him. The boys look down the table, where a certain redhead is speaking animatedly to Marlene and Mary.
“Oh,” says James, ignoring the slight swoop in his stomach at the sight of Lily, “No, I hadn’t really thought about that at all, to be honest.” He starts to eat his dinner, looking down at his plate.
Sirius gasps, laying a hand to his forehead and pretending to faint, “Moony, Wormy, did you hear that? Prongs has forgotten about his fair lady! Something isn’t right!”
James rolls his eyes, “It’s really not that big of a deal. I’ve been rather busy the last few weeks.”
Sirius raises a brow at him, “With what? Quidditch practice in your garden and reading in the library with Regulus? Yeah, mate. Sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate.”
At the mention of Regulus, James looks down nervously. He keeps feeling caught, and he doesn’t know why. “That’s not what I meant,” he grumbles, pushing peas around his plate.
Sirius, clearly bored of the conversation, leans over to Pete, discussing a game of chess after dinner. When James looks up again, Remus is watching him curiously.
-
“Alright James, you ready?” Frank Longbottom asks him, approaching him as the rest of the students are getting ready to walk back to their dormitories. “Lily and Alice are going to take the Gryffindors up to the tower. Password’s Candy Floss. I’m gonna grab Regulus for you, and then you two’ll head out on rounds. And I’ll spend a lovely evening with Bulstrode.” Frank grimaces as he says the last sentence, pulling a laugh out of James.
“Sounds good, boss,” James says with a salute.
Frank is Head Boy and a chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. He gave up his Captaincy this year to focus on his NEWTS so he can become an Auror. James gets it, but doesn’t think he’d ever do it himself. He wants to play Quidditch as long as he can. All things considered, he’s grateful that Frank chose him as his replacement.
James leans against the cold flagstone wall as he waits for Regulus, looking up at the enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall. It’s storming tonight, lightning intermittently crackling across the sky. James is briefly reminded of the night Regulus showed up on his doorstep. Lost in thought, he continues watching the storm, safely out of reach.
“Hello.”
James starts, looking down to see Regulus watching him.
“Hi,” says James with an easy smile, “Ready?”
Regulus just nods, turning around and walking out of the hall without a word. James follows him, walking quickly to catch up with him. They walk through the halls in silence for a long time. Eventually, James can’t take it anymore.
“How was your train ride back? All good?” He asks.
“It was fine,” Regulus says flatly, not looking at him.
James furrows his brow. Regulus hasn’t acted this cold to him since before he moved in. He’s not really sure what’s going on.
“Really?” James asks, “No one’s been bothering you then?”
Regulus stiffens at the question, looking back at James over his shoulder for a brief moment.
“Did someone say something to you?” He asks James, looking forward once again.
James is even more confused now. “What? No. Did someone actually do something?”
Regulus just keeps walking. James is starting to get frustrated now, so he reaches out and grabs Regulus by the shoulder, turning him around to face him. “Reg, did something happen?”
Regulus looks down at James’ hand and back up at his face. He’s silent for a moment. As James waits for him to respond, he realizes that he’s really close to Regulus right now. Like, really close. He can see the freckles in the irises of his eyes. Splotches of inky blues and greens. His eyes rake down Regulus’ face, settling on his bottom lip. It’s a pink color, and there are little indentations in it, clearly from Regulus biting it. James feels hot all over. He tears his gaze back to Regulus and finds him looking at James with a furrowed brow, his face slightly flushed again.
Regulus steps back, out of James’ reach, smoothing his expression. James feels the loss of him immediately, his arm swinging lamely by his side.
“Nothing happened. Snape and Mulciber likely wanted something to happen, but it was handled," Regulus informs him, standing up straight and avoiding James’ eye.
“Snape?” James says more angrily than he intends to. “What did he say to you?”
Regulus rolls his eyes at James, “Try to contain yourself, Potter. He didn’t say anything. Like I said, it was handled. Even if it hadn’t been, there’s no need for you to insert yourself. I can take care of myself. I’m not broken.”
James recoils from the venom in his voice. “What are you on about? I never said you were. I’m just trying to look out for yo-” James is promptly cut off by the sound of Regulus’ cold laughter.
“You’re not my keeper, James, so stop acting like you are. Isn’t my brother enough Black for you to look after?”
James opens his mouth and shuts it again.
Regulus shakes his head, smiling humorlessly, “Yes, that’s what I thought. I’m not my brother. You need to remember that.” For a moment, Regulus looks sad, James thinks. “Rounds are close to over anyway. I’m going back down to the dungeons now. Goodnight.”
Regulus walks away, leaving James to watch him go.
-
When James gets back to Gryffindor Tower, the common room is close to empty. There are a few stragglers, but no one James knows well enough to bother talking to. He walks up the stairs to his dorm, his mind still reeling from his rounds with Regulus. The lights are turned off in the room, and James can hear the steady sound of Peter’s snores.
Pulling back the curtains to his bed with a sigh, James gets under the covers, thinking about what Regulus said. You’re not my keeper, James, so stop acting like you are. Isn’t my brother enough Black for you to look after?
James knows that Regulus isn’t Sirius. In fact, he doesn’t think he ever has, or ever could, mistake one for the other. James worries that the progress he thought he was making with Regulus, the friendship that was blooming, has been scrapped entirely after tonight.
Eventually, he falls asleep, entering a dreamscape of dark curls and inky grays and blues and greens. Somewhere within the dream, James hears a familiar voice.
“You really don’t have enough Black to look after, do you?”The voice taunts.
“No,” James whispers breathlessly, and he sees pillowy pink lips, tiny indents resting upon them, “No, I really don’t”.
-
James wakes with a start, a sheen of sweat coating his skin. He breathes heavily, his dream coming back to him in pieces. His eyes widen as he recognizes the uncomfortable tightness in his pants. He stares at the ceiling, willing himself to slow his breathing. He doesn’t know what’s going on in his own head.
Falling back into a fitful sleep, the voice continues to call out to him, and James follows.