Tarnished, But So Grand
In from the snow
Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow
Tarnished but so grand
Late August to September 1st, 1976
James had expected something to shift between himself and Regulus after that night he arrived on his front doorstep, but not much has changed. Regulus joins everyone for meals and occasionally sits out in the garden while James and Sirius play quidditch, but other than that he keeps to himself or spends time in the Potter library.
James understands that it's probably not personal, but it's strange nonetheless, to have someone living in your house that you barely speak to. He leaves it alone though, and most surprising of all, so does Sirius.
“Reg has always been quiet. Kept to himself. Even when we were younger he was always an observer. He likes to scope people out, get a read on them and the situation before they even realize he's been watching them,” Sirius says one day when James broaches the subject, “Sounds a bit creepy when I say it like that, but it's not what I mean. It's just how Reg is. Once he gets comfortable though, he's funny. A snarky little shit really. He'll get there. We just have to be patient. I can't believe I'm saying this, but he got it even worse than me. It's a lot to come back from.”
James gets it, really, so he doesn't know why he feels so put out by the lack of Regulus for the rest of the summer. Sometimes at breakfast or tea, he catches Regulus watching him, his pale cheeks flushing pink once he meets James’ eyes, looking away immediately. For once, James just wants to know what he's thinking. For Regulus to talk to him.
You can’t rush progress, so James stays away. That is, until he sees Regulus wander into the library a couple days before they leave for Hogwarts. Sirius had gone to see Remus in London for some Muggle music thing James didn't have much interest in, so he stayed at the house.
He follows Regulus into the library, watching silently from the doorway as he stands with his back to James, thumbing across the spines of books on one of the rows near the bay window. Eventually, he settles on one, pulling it out and turning around. When he sees James he stops in his tracks, turning pink and opening and closing his mouth wordlessly.
“Hi,” James grins, “What are you reading?”
Regulus just looks at him.
“Err, sorry. I didn't mean to bother you. Just thought I'd see what you were up to since everyone’s out. And since, you know, you live in my house now.” James says, running a hand through his hair.
Regulus shakes his head slightly, “No, it's okay. Sorry. I know this is your house. Your books. I didn't mean to take anything. You can have the library, I'll come back later.” He starts to put the book back and James rushes forward, grabbing Regulus’ wrist before the book can make it onto the shelf.
When they make contact, James’ hand closing around Regulus’ wrist, he feels a bolt of heat spread through his body and he stops too, closer to Regulus than he's ever been before. He looks down, into his eyes. Stormy grey, almost green. This time it's him flushing as he looks at Regulus.
“That's not what I meant. Sorry, I- I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I just wanted to hang out a bit, or something. You don't need to put the book back," James stutters.
Regulus keeps looking up at him, arching a brow, “Hang out?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, you live here now… and Sirius is my best friend and you're his brother, so I don't know. I thought we could hang out. Unless you don't want to?” James is rather unsure how to go about this. He's typically confident when dealing with people, but something about this interaction is tilting him off his axis. Like he's starting to wade into deep waters. It doesn't feel bad, just well- different.
“Okay…” Regulus says, looking unsure of the whole thing, which causes a pang of disappointment in James' chest, “Okay. You can stay, but I'm going to read, so I don't know what kind of company I'll be.”
“That's fine. Perfect. I'll read too,” James says, nodding as if he was the one who came up with the idea in the first place.
Regulus looks slightly amused now, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “Great. Can you let me go now?”
“Oh! Oh. Sorry, I didn't even realize I-” James lets go of his wrist and steps back, running his hand through his hair again. He feels weird. Flustered. “Sorry.”
“It's fine,” says Regulus, turning away from him and walking towards the window seat. He sits down and opens his book, not looking at James again as he begins to read.
James stands there for a second, watching him. He really feels weird now, but he doesn't want to leave. Doesn't want this progress, or whatever it is, to go away. So he grabs the book closest to him and sits down in one of the armchairs across from Regulus and begins reading himself. He looks at Regulus one last time, shaking his head and returning to his book as that same warmth he felt before returns to him.
-
“You guys just read together?” Sirius asks incredulously, laying next to James in his bed. He had gotten back late that evening and wanted to tell him all about the Muggle street him and Remus had gone shopping on. That conversation had ended and Sirius asked James about his day.
“Yeah, it was, uh, nice. Yeah, it was nice.” James says, staring at the ceiling. For a reason he can't quite place, he feels strangely guilty telling Sirius about his afternoon with Regulus.
“Huh, well good on you. I've barely gotten a word out of him myself.” Sirius says.
“Well, I didn't say we talked. We didn't really, except when he tried to leave. We really just sat there and read. Then mum came home and we ate dinner with her and dad. He went upstairs after that," James explains to Sirius, turning to look at him.
“Still, I'd say that’s something. That means he wanted you there. Regulus wouldn't bother with the company if he wasn't interested in it. Who knows, maybe you'll be friends soon.”
“Friends," James repeats.
“Yeah, friends. He's a little bit odd, Reggie, but he's good. Wouldn't you be his friend?” Sirius starts to sound a bit irritated now, so James nods quickly.
“No, of course! That's not what I meant. It's just strange is all, don't you think? Regulus living here, us being friends? Who would have thought?”
Sirius seems to understand this, looking thoughtfully at the ceiling, “Yeah,” he nods, “it's a bit strange. But I'm glad it's happening.”
Things are quiet between the two of them for a minute, silence stretching across the dark room.
“I didn't think he'd get out… At least not without me. I thought I'd have to go back for him, and I don't think I could have,” Sirius pauses, clearly thinking about his words. "It feels good- not that all that happened to him- just that he didn't want everything they laid out for him, you know?”
James nods. He knows. He knows how important it is that Regulus made this choice of his own accord, at least as much as he could in the situation.
-
“I can't believe we’ve a house with two prefects,” James’ mum says as she walks into the dining room, carrying a tray of cinnamon buns with her. It's morning now, and they leave for the start of term soon.
“Mum!” James shouts
“What?! You're a prefect? And quidditch captain?!” Sirius exclaims, “You bloody swot! Why didn't you tell me?”
James groans, “For this exact reason.” He rubs his eyes under his glasses, “I don't know why Dumbledore did it. It's Remus’ fault for giving up prefect, he didn't have anyone else to choose!”
Sirius barks a laugh at that and digs into his breakfast, happily eating until he pauses, “Wait a minute”, turning to Effie, “Two?!”
He whips around to look at Regulus, who happens to be entering the dining room at that exact moment.
“You!” Sirius accuses, pointing a finger at Regulus, “You’re a bloody swot, too! Really, Regulus, a prefect?!”
Regulus stops in his tracks, turning pink in the cheeks. James has started to notice that he does that a lot. He blushes. James laughs.
“You and me, Reggie! Prefects of the Potter house!”
Regulus rolls his eyes, walking forward and pulling out his chair, “Honestly, Potter, I don't know how on earth you got made a prefect. What happened to Lupin? Did he die and leave Dumbledore with literally no one else to choose from?”
The words are mean, but the tone is light, and James and Sirius burst out laughing. James and Regulus still haven't spoken much, but he continued to join Regulus in the library on occasion. Sitting in comfortable silence as they both read. Mrs. Potter smiles from her spot at the table, watching the three boys laugh together. Well, Regulus isn't really laughing, but a smile is playing at his mouth.
“That's what I said,” James yells around the food he has in his mouth, “Moony gave up his prefect badge and Dumbledore had to choose me! I mean who else is there? Sirius?”
“Hey! I’ll have you know I'd make an exceptional prefect,” Sirius says, flipping his hair over his shoulder haughtily, "Better than Pete, anyway." James bursts into laughter once again.
Regulus really does laugh at that, and it makes James feel that warmth again. It spreads across his chest as he watches Regulus laughing at his kitchen table, eating the food his mum made.
“All right, boys, settle down. And eat up! It's almost time to go!” James' dad's voice rings out from the next room.
-
They take the floo to King's Cross. Easier than side apparating all of them, his dad says. James thinks there’s more to it, though, because the head of the Auror department, Alastor Moody, is waiting for them when they arrive.
“Monty,” nods the gruff man, “Effie, great to see you both.”
The three of them hug and chat briefly while the boys stand there, waiting with their trunks. Sirius starts tapping his foot and looking around the station. James holds in his laughter at Sirius' evident boredom. The adults turn their attention to the three boys.
“Well, what do we have here,” says Moody, his eyes settling on Sirius and Regulus. He laughs loudly, “Honestly, never thought I'd be a security detail for the Black family, but here we are.”
“Security? For us? Why?” Sirius asks, looking from Effie to Monty. They don’t answer him.
“It's not for us. It's for me, isn't it?” Regulus asks quietly, “Mother and father already gave the Potter's custody of Sirius last year. It's me you're worried about, isn't it?”
“Clever boy,” says Moody, seemingly sizing Regulus up. “Your family’s unpredictable. So far, there's no word of a threat, but better safe than sorry. Constant vigilance, as I like to say.”
“They still have custody of Regulus? But why?” James turns to his parents.
“It's complicated, darling. We're trying, but it's not the same as it was with Sirius.”
James opens his mouth to argue, but stops immediately. The Blacks gave the Potters custody of Sirius. They gave Sirius away. They haven't given Regulus away. Regulus was the newly named heir when he had shown up at their house. It was announced in The Prophet and everything. The Blacks would not be giving Regulus away. They wanted him back, and James was sure they'd do just about anything to achieve that. He turns his gaze towards Regulus, the boy already looking at him. His cheeks don't turn pink this time when they make eye contact. James can't read the expression on his face.
“Do you mean they could come and get him? Take him back there?” Sirius asks, bringing James back to reality, ripping his eyes away from Regulus and back to his parents.
“They can try,” Moody answers for them, “But it sure as hell won't be easy. We've got the kid.”