All the words I never said to you (scrapped)

When James woke up, Regulus was laying with his arms wrapped around James’s waist. James’s eyes widened as he tried to lay as still as he possibly could and tried not to blush. James was shirtless and Regulus’ arm was cold against his chest.

He looked over at Regulus. His face was pristine; his curls were spread graciously over the pillow and his eyes were shut, hiding his cool grey-blue eyes that looked like the English sea. His face was relaxed, not tense and stoic as it is when he’s awake. Reggie looked calm.

This was not good for James. Regulus looked beautiful and it meant that with every glimpse James took, he fell more and more in love with Regulus Black.

James knew that he had a week to get himself together before they were all back at Hogwarts for the new year. James was going into his sixth year at Hogwarts which meant he had to study more because his NEWTs were only a year away. James could not become distracted by Regulus for two reasons; he needed to study more so he wouldn’t fall behind, and he COULD NOT date his best friend’s brother.

Tomorrow, they were all heading to Diagon Alley to buy all of their needed supplies off of the official Hogwarts school list they get sent every year. 

Regulus and Sirius, despite being part of the house of Black, only had to their names the galleons that they had brought with them when they each ran away. This meant that James’s parents, Effie and Fleamont, would be paying for all of their supplies- not that they minded, they were loaded.

James was thinking about ways to stop himself from falling helplessly and irrevocably in love with Regulus when said boy started to wake up.

“James?” Regulus’ timid, sleepy voice broke through the haze infiltrating James’s brain. “Oh, Merlin, I feel bad. I’m gonna throw up.” At this, James shot into action.

“I put a bucket next to your side of the bed because I’ve won enough Quidditch matches to know how to deal with hangovers and being hungover.” James said, reaching over to his nightstand to grab his glasses.

He heard retching and when he looked back, Regulus had his face in the bucket. His hair was getting into his face, so James used his hands to bunch up Regulus’ black curly locks.

Regulus stopped throwing up and took his face out of the bucket. James threw him a pitiful smile. “First time getting drunk?” Regulus scoffed, “First time getting high.” James nodded, “Ah. Don’t forget we’re going to Diagon Alley tomorrow.” Regulus shot James a weary smile and mumbled, “Shit, I forgot.”

James pushed himself out of the bed and stood up, in front of Regulus, offering him a hand up. “Breakfast?” He smiled down at Reggie. Regulus nodded, “I need orange juice.” James looked at him quizzically, “Muggle hangover solution, works better than the magic ones.” James nodded, “Oh, I see. Oh!” James ran over to his dresser and picked up a pair of sunglasses, he walked over and gave them to Reggie, “For the lights.”

“Ohhhh, thank you so much, Jamie.” Regulus froze, what if James realizes?? But James just smiled and did a cheesy bow and said, “You’re welcome, Reggie.” Reggie? Regulus blushed and was so glad he was wearing James’s sunglasses or else he’d be able to see Regulus’ eyes widen further than what should be possible.

“c’mon, let’s go get breakfast.” James offered his hand and Regulus took it. Without even realising, the two boys were walking downstairs hand in hand. They only became aware of it when they stepped into the kitchen and Sirius went, “Oi! James! Get off of my brother!” James blushed the prettiest shade of pink that Regulus had ever seen and once again thanked Salazar for the sunglasses currently covering his softening eyes. 

In quick need of changing the subject, Regulus looked around the room and noted that Lupin wasn’t anywhere to be found. “Where’s your little boyfriend, Sirius? Doesn’t he want breakfast?” That was supposed to sound snarky but Regulus was so hungover and tired from yesterday that he didn’t have the energy and it ended up coming out sincere. Barf. 

Sirius narrowed his eyes at Regulus, “I reckon you know exactly why he’s not down here yet. He was so trolleyed last night that he stumbled into my room at 2AM and tried to seduce me. Would’a worked if he hadn’t’ve been so bloomin’ pissed. He was also high off his rocker. It was a bloody chore tryna get him to bed. He’s like a goddamn toddler when intoxicated.”

James was trying not to laugh, “Reggie was being difficult too, said he’d never gotten high before. I had to talk to him in French in order to get him to compromise with me. He woke me up because he was stumbling about trying to put his pyjamas on.” Regulus was trying to listen but was still caught up on how James had called him Reggie openly to Sirius’ face.

“Y’know I still can’t believe your boyfriend got your baby brother high for the first time!” James lifted an eyebrow towards Sirius in a jokey way.

“Neither can I, believe me when I tell ya that Remus’ll be getting well ‘n’ truly punished.” Sirius smirked at James and shot him a cheeky wink. Regulus choked on the orange juice that he had poured himself halfway through this conversation. “Oh, grow up Regulus, I’m almost 17. If you don’t like it, you can soundproof James’ room.”

“Why don’t you soundproof your room, instead of making me soundproof poor Jamie’s room?” Regulus froze, he hadn’t just called James that in front of Sirius.

James’s breath hitched in his throat, Sirius didn’t need to hear that name- that was just for Reggie. Looking up, Sirius didn’t bat an eyelid, he continued talking. “What do we want for breakfast?”

Regulus decided he needed to contribute to the conversation, “If you cook anything, I will be sick.” Sirius snapped his fingers as if he was a cartoon character having a lightbulb moment, “Cereal it is!” Sirius had clearly said that slightly too loud as Regulus groaned and mumbled, “Too loud.”

James looked at Regulus with a sympathetic look, and said, “Sorry Reggie, we can go eat breakfast up in my room if you’d like?” Regulus nodded.

When James and Regulus had gotten their cereal, they made their way up the stairs to their shared room. James knew that in a week, they would go to Hogwarts and that when they came back for Christmas, his parents would have swapped his double bed out for two singles- with curtains and bedposts just like at Hogwarts, for privacy- and they would never have to share a bed again.

They both sat on the carpeted floor and ate their cereal in comfortable silence, sometimes looking up at each other and shooting a smile their way. James wolfed his breakfast down, Reggie took a bit longer to finish his; years of food restrictions from his mother as punishments had caused him to have food anxiety. They were working on it. James had learnt that in order to get Regulus to eat properly, he had to sit with him in silence and let him eat as slowly as he needs to. Regulus was steadily building up a list of safe foods, with help from James. On the days that he couldn’t eat properly, James would make him one of his safe foods and just sit with him for as long as it took him to eat some. He never forced him to eat, but they had agreements.

If Regulus goes too long without eating, Effie will become involved. When they were back at Hogwarts, if Regulus was too anxious to eat in the great hall, he could go and find James in the stairwell outside of the hall and they would go to the kitchens instead. Regulus had agreed to the rules, not wanting to ever upset or worry James again.

After breakfast, they tidied up their room a little and James made the bed. Regulus was feeling a bit better now and decided to play some music on James' muggle music player thingy. He rifled through James’ extensive collection of records and settled on an album called “The rise and fall of Ziggy Stardust” by someone called “David Bowie”. Apparently, this was the right choice because James started dancing and singing along to the tracks as they played.

Regulus sat on the edge of the bed and smiled lightly as he watched James dance animatedly across the room, using his wand as a microphone. He wished he could stay like this forever.