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Regulus Black couldn't remember exactly how long he'd had a crush on James Potter; golden boy of Gryffindor house, youngest ever captain of the Quidditch team, with his rich chocolate skin, his olive green eyes, and fluffy dark hair.
All Regulus knew was that he had been in love with him since some time in 1st year. Regulus was 11 when he had first met James Potter. He had been at the platform with his brother when a boy with crooked glasses and a smile as bright as the sun had come running up to them. He had yelled "SIRIUS!!" down the platform to get Regulus' brother's attention.
He remembers that Sirius had introduced them but that he was too busy staring at where James had not properly buttoned his shirt up to answer anything. Regulus remembers being very confused as to why he felt all hot and sweaty when he interacted with James, he remembers running onto the train and getting a compartment on the opposite end of the train to James and Sirius.
That was how he had met Evan and Barty. Regulus had sat down in an empty carriage and then two other first year boys came barrelling in and sat down without even noticing Regulus. When they did, they were startled, "Christ! When did you get here?" One of them had asked him.
Regulus replied, "I was here the whole time." The boys stared at him.
"You're French." Stated the boy who had not yet spoken.
"Oui. Um- yes." Regulus had not fully made the transition back to speaking English full time. "But mother did not want me studying at Beauxbatons. Hogwarts is where all Black Family study."
"Oh, you're a Black." Said the blonde boy. "I'm Evan, Evan Rosier." He held out his hand for Regulus to shake, he did. Evan had short, cropped, dirty blonde hair and moussy brown skin. Despite being eleven, Regulus had noticed that his cheekbones were prominent. He had blue eyes as bright and vast as the ocean. Regulus noted that he was beautiful.
The brunette then spoke, "I'm Bartemius Crouch Jr., but everyone just calls me Barty." He held out his hand just as Evan had and Regulus shook it. ‘Barty’ as he had called himself, had slightly wavy, brown hair and black frame glasses which were prominent against his pale white skin. He had brown freckles littering his skin and an oversized jumper on.
"Regulus Black." The boys then all sat down in the carriage and waited for the train to set off in 5 minutes. They were alone up until 1 minute before the train departed when a girl with long blonde hair and bright green eyes came rocketing into their carriage. She stopped almost as abruptly as she had entered.
"Oh my, I'm so sorry, but I'm afraid all of the other compartments were full. Could I join you boys?" They all looked at each other and then nodded.
She sat down next to Regulus and looked at the boys, "I'm Dorcas Meadowes, you guys are?"
They all answered "Evan Rosier." "Barty Crouch Jr." "Regulus Black."
"Oh, you're French." He got that question a lot that first year.
But now it was the end of Regulus' fourth year and he was packing up the last of his stuff into his trunk. He was dreading the summer holidays. Without Sirius, Regulus was the one who got all the hits, all the curses, all the torture.
Regulus obviously knew why Sirius had left, but he couldn't help but feel angry, jealous, and abandoned. He had to leave as well, if Regulus didn't leave, he would die in that house; he was so sure of it.
It was for that reason that one night, in the middle of the holidays, Regulus found himself dragging his broken, bruised, and cursed body down the stairs (still having the strength to float his trunk with him) and out of that front door.
It was for that reason that Regulus found himself calling for the knight bus and asking for Godric's Hollow- the Potter's residence- and settling down on that hectic bus and waiting for them to arrive.
They did so no longer than 40 minutes later, and then Regulus found himself limping up that dirt track that he was praying led to James's house. He knocked when he got to the door and waited to find out if he had gotten it wrong.
If he had gotten it wrong, if he had gone to the wrong house, he would die on the doorstep. He knew that. He knew he had no time, and he was going to die. What if it wasn't James's house. What if-
The door opening in front of Regulus threw him out of his rambling mind. Shaking, exhausted, and terrified, he looked up. He locked eyes with James Potter. Oh, beautiful James Potter. Beautiful, beautiful James Potter, with his eyes and his hair and his-
"Regulus?" James sounded panicked, why was he panicking? James shouldn't be panicking, James should never be panicking-
James was talking again.
"Regulus, can you breath for me? Regulus-" James grabbed Regulus' face "-look at me. You're safe now. Breathe with me okay?" He held his fingers up, "In for 3, hold for 4, out for 4. Okay? I'll do it with you, focus on your breathing."
And regulus was trying, really, he was. But James was there, and touching Regulus' face, and Regulus was safe now: he could rest. Black spots were dancing around Regulus' vision and he was leaning into James's touch. He could regret that later, for now he just wanted to feel safe. James was safety, he was the sun.
He heard James yelling distantly, "MUM!! SIRIus!! I NEEd he-" Regulus couldn't hear anything anymore, but James's hand was on his face and he was safe. No more Walburga, no more Orion. Safe. Safe. Safe.
Regulus woke up feeling warm. Really warm. Why was he so warm? And why was his bed so soft? Oh. Not his bed, not his warmth. As Regulus gained his bearings, he realized that he was, in fact, not in his room. Judging by the decorations, it was James Potter's bedroom. And the warmth was also James Potter's warmth.
Wait. Why was he sharing a bed with James? Regulus sat up and saw that his arm was wrapped around James's waist, James's shirtless waist. He wanted to let go, but James was so warm, and Regulus wasn't. James's skin was soft, and beautiful.
"Morning, Regulus." Oh god, James is awake. Wait, if James is awake, why didn't he move Regulus' arm off of him. Why were they sharing a bed in the first place?? The potter's are just as rich, if not richer, than the Black's.
"Oh, that." James gestured with his eyes to where Regulus' arm was on James's waist. "You wouldn't let go of me. You were so out of it, kept murmuring something about me being warm, and safe. Mum helped me get you to bed but you grabbed me and pulled me in with you, so we shared. I let you keep your arm on me, because you were cold, like an ice pack, and it was actually quite nice.”
Regulus nodded, and untangled himself from James's body. He immediately started shaking because without the heat of James, Regulus was suddenly very cold.
James noticed right away and jumped off the bed asking, "Oh! Do you want one of my jumpers? I have loads!" Regulus nodded, grateful for all of James's kindness even though Regulus had only arrived yesterday. James was speaking again, "Mum fixed your broken leg, and ribs, and arm. She said the effects of the curses you survived may still be noticeable though. Oh! And that you'll be really sore for a while, so to take it easy. You're really lucky that my mum's a St. Mungo's healer." Regulus nodded as James continued to speak. His ribs had been broken? He thought it was only his arm and leg, not ribs. He must have gotten used to the pain.
James turned around and handed Regulus a jumper. Regulus peeled off the stained shirt that he was currently wearing, James blushed and turned around. Regulus put the jumper over his head and immediately was engulfed by James's scent; old quidditch leather, freshly cut grass after it had just rained, and new parchment.
Regulus then pushed himself off of the bed, fully standing up. But he then found himself having teleported to the floor. It turns out that he had passed out onto the floor for a few seconds.
"Reg! That'll be the exhaustion! Here, I'll help you." James offered Regulus a hand up and threw his arm around his shoulder to keep him propped up. Regulus found that his knees were still weak but now for an entirely different reason. Reg. Reg. Reg. Reg. Reg. Reg. Reg. Reg. Reg. Reg. Reg. Re-
"Regulus? Did you black out again? Do you need to sit down?" James was looking at him with a panicked expression again.
"No, James, I'm fine. Just, thinking about stuff."
"Okay, well, I was saying that we'll have to share the room for the rest of summer because Remus is staying around and the last time he shared with Sirius, they both were bruised by the end." Regulus was surprised by that. Didn't Sirius like Remus? Like, a lot?
Regulus asked "They fought?" James looked at Regulus while helping him down the staircase.
"Something like that, yeah." Oh. Oh. Oh my god.
When they made it down the stairs and into the kitchen, they found Sirius and Remus, sucking each others faces off. Regulus found himself talking before he could stop.
"Oh, my god. I'm going to pass out again." Sirius and Remus pulled away from each other in shock. Regulus found himself leaning more against James. And then he saw stars in his vision and found himself gripping onto James. Two minutes later, Regulus awoke on the kitchen floor with James, Remus, and Sirius all around him.
"I thought you were being sarcastic, Reg. I didn't think you were actually going to pass out again. I would have held you tighter had I known. You're lucky I caught you." James smiled at him, he was sitting cross legged on the floor next to Regulus; a glass of water in his hands.
There it was again, that name, reg. He'd decided that James could call Regulus that name forever. It made him heat up on the spot like a muggle microwave. Regulus felt James put his hand on his forehead. "Wow, Reg. You're really warm. Sirius can you go get my mum? She'll know what to do."
James's mum, Effie, helped Regulus by casting a cooling spell and she told him that he just needs to eat something. Sirius knew what that meant. They were 3 weeks into the 6 week summer and if Regulus was passing out from a lack of food and exhaustion, then he hadn't properly eaten in days.
"Reg, how-" Sirius got interrupted by Regulus "Don't call me that." Sirius did a double take and then continued, "How long?"
Regulus had immediately known what he meant and mumbled, "5 days." He didn't need to look up to know that Sirius's eyes were blown wide. They had never gone that long without eating anything. Usually they would get the bare minimum that a person could live off. But never more than 3 days without anything.
Siriys started to speak "5? Regulus what-" But regulus cut him off.
"Without you there, there was only one of us for her to let her anger out on. Only one of us to curse and beat and punish for no reason. I wouldn't even be here if I had thought that I would be back at school in September and not in a GRAVE! I RAN HERE BECAUSE SHE WOULD HAVE KILLED ME. She would have killed me in that house and I never would've been able to get out."
If he hadn't had the strength to get out, he would've died in the hallway. He would've been born into that house and died in it. He would just be another thing that his mother got away with. Another liability for the noble house of Black. He would've never been able to live his true life. A life like Sirius's, and Remus's. He would've never been able to like boys, any boys, pureblood or not. He-
James was talking. How long had that been happening for? Regulus would listen to James talk forever. His voice was like pure daylight. It shone onto people and lit up their lives, it gave Regulus a reason to live.
"REGULUS. BREATHE." Oh, James was shouting, why was James shouting?? Breathe? Who wasn't breathing?
Regulus couldn't feel his hands properly, it was like TV static was in his brain and he couldn't do things properly. Why couldn't he do things properly? What had James said? "the effects of the curses you survived may still be noticeable though." The curses. Regulus forced himself to think through the static: to breathe like James had taught him, and to wiggle his fingers, and remember what James's skin felt like when he was all warm this morning. Warm, tingly, breathing, alive. Regulus was breathing and he was alive.
He could hear James's voice again, cutting through the static. "Reg, you're safe. You're not there anymore, she can't get to you. We're here, and we aren't going anywhere, promise " James grabbed Regulus' hand and squeezed, grounding him. He shot him a weary look, Regulus smiled lightly back at him.