Beginning to Mend

Harry woke up after a particularly vivid memory from the night he killed Voldemort. His scream died on his lips as he startled himself awake.He was  sweating and shaking and his clothing clung to him  uncomfortably. It took him a while to orient himself and even then, he wasn’t very oriented… just in the present instead of two years ago. He heard a door swing open and footsteps hurrying into the room and he instinctually cringed back, accidentally smacking his head against some sort of wooden bar. It hurt but at least it gave him something real to focus on. 

“Did you have a nightmare?” 

Harry was initially surprised to hear Snape’s voice and not his Uncle’s but soon immense relief flooded his mind and his body relaxed finally. 

“Yeah. Nightmare.” he said shortly. 

Snape hummed in response and Harry heard the sound of wood scraping on wood. 

“I’m sure you’ll want to bathe after this so let me grab you a towel and new clothes.”

“Bathe? I’m sweaty, sure, but I can deal with that in the morning. If it's not already morning. I just don’t want you to have to stay up if it's late and you're tired. It's really not that big of a deal.”

“It is still night but I don’t mind in the slightest. Tomorrow is Saturday so we can sleep in however late we would like. I really think you should take a bath, though. I’m afraid sweat isn’t the only source of moisture on your clothing.” Severus said apologetically.

There wasn’t really any non-embarrassing way to let someone know they’ve wet themselves, especially between a teacher and student. Harry’s face flushed incredibly red and he mumbled some sort of unintelligible denial, apology, and excuse. Severus tactfully just continued to act as if it was perfectly normal to wake up screaming and wet yourself. He summoned a towel and a change of pyjamas, shrinking the clothing as soon as it landed in his hands. He set them on the bed before reaching towards Harry. The boy was sitting up but uncertain about where exactly to move. He took Harry’s hands and guided him to the edge of the bed, helping him stand. 

“Let’s head to the bathroom. I think a proper bath rather than a shower might be easiest.”

Harry let Severus steer him around. It was easier than having to worry on his own about bumping into something. He felt when he entered the bathroom because of the flooring change and he shivered. The tile was freaking cold. Severus led him to sit on the toilet before his touch disappeared. A second later he heard the water start to run and felt the air begin to grow a bit warmer. 

“Okay, your bath is drawing.” Severus said and crouched in front of Harry. “Now, this is going to be a bit awkward, there's no denying. I don’t think you can safely effectively do your bath on your own. At least not yet, though you can correct me if I’m totally wrong here.” 

Harry bit his lip. He wanted badly to say he could do it on his own but he hadn’t even been able to sit at a table and eat without knocking over a glass and falling out of a chair. FInally, he shook his head no.

“RIght, well then, let's talk this out first. I can put bubbles in so you have a bit of privacy and I know you can get undressed on your own. I’m going to have to help you in, though. I’ll also wash and condition your hair but you’re more than able to wash your body with a flannel and soap so you’ll do that bit. Won’t be as invasive this way. Does that all sound good?”

“Yeah, sorry to cause you the trouble.”

“No trouble at all, child. None at all. I’d be lying if I said I’d never had such a bad nightmare that I woke up wet too.”

“But does it happen nearly every night?” Harry asked irritatedly. 

As soon as he realised what he’d confessed, his hand flew to cover his mouth and he blushed again. 

“Hey, it's okay.” Snape said, rushing to soothe the boy. “You’ve endured more trauma and abuse in sixteen years than most people do in a lifetime. You can’t expect to be perfectly okay after even just the abuse at the hands of your aunt and uncle, much less the trauma of every single school year here at Hogwarts. We’ve all got our issues and it's okay to be not okay, even if you’re the Saviour of the Wizarding World. Maybe even especially.”

Harry nodded and swiped hurriedly at a couple tears that had leaked out before nodding and shakily sniffing. 

“I’m ready for my bath now. I’m starting to feel cold and itchy.”

Severus stood up and helped Harry up too. He turned around to give the child a  bit of privacy, even if he would have to help him actually get in the tub. He let Harry know to tell him when he was okay to turn back around to help him in the tub and waited. He heard the general shuffling and a muttered curse before finally Harry was done. 

Severus was careful to look only at Harry’s face while helping him in. He knew Harry couldn’t see whether he did or not but respected the boy and knew that if the situations were reversed he’d want that same kind of treatment and privacy. Harry allowed himself to be slowly picked up before being gently lowered into the warm water. He hissed slightly at the initial burn of the hot water against his already sensitive and now nearly rashy skin but soon relaxed fully as the water warmed up his body and eased some of the tension from his body. Severus conjured a cup and flannel before kneeling down beside the tub. 

“All right, I’m about to start washing your hair. Do you mind leaning back for me?” Severus asked. 

Harry nodded and carefully leaned back on his elbows. He was surprised at how big and long the tub was. Though, he supposed, Snape was a rather tall man. It would have to be in order to be comfortable. As Severus wetted his hair, Harry entertained the idea of Snape having a romantic evening in and soaking in the tub with a book and candles. The idea made him snort in laughter and he nearly got water spilled on his face as he moved. 

“What's so funny?” Severus asked curiously.

“I don’t think you’d like to know or find it as funny as I did.” Harry replied truthfully but a bit cheekily. 

“Keep your secrets then.” Snape said amusedly. 

He poured a bit of his shampoo in his hands before beginning to rub it through Harry’s hair. He was thorough and gentle as he worked it from root to ends. Harry visibly relaxed into the potion maker's hands, sighing as Severus massaged his scalp. Snape didn’t need to spend as long as he did, washing Harry’s hair, but seeing how much Harry loved it certainly didn’t encourage him to stop. By the time he rinsed the shampoo out, Harry was nearly sleepy again. When Severus began to work the conditioner though, Harry definitely crossed over into sleepiness. Eventually, Severus cast a charm  to send a bit of an air barrier beneath Harry’s back so that he didn’t have to worry about the boy falling asleep and slipping under the water completely. When Severus had rinsed the conditioner out as well, Harry was unwilling to move on his own. 

“I need you to get up, budd,  so that you can wash the rest of your body please. The faster you get done, the faster you can get back to bed.”

Harry just wrinkled his nose and whinged his disapproval. 

Severus was a bit surprised at the childish expression but was glad Harry was expressing himself and his feelings, even if they were contrary to what Severus wanted the boy to do. 

“If you don’t do it, I’ll have to. We need to make sure that your skin is properly cleaned or you could have more irritation of your skin.”

Harry shook his head again. 

“Want me to do it?” Severus asked. 

Harry nodded and Severus sighed and picked up the flannel. At least Harry trusted him, he reasoned. That was good. He lathered it up with soap then started at the neck and figured he’d work his way down. 

“So, Harry. If you wet every night, how do you not have a terrible rash on your legs?” Snape asked, curious to see if he’d get any conversation out of the child. 

“Use protection.”

“Oh? Is it a spell?” 

Harry shook his head. 

“Something you wear then?” 

Harry nodded. 

“Do your yearmates know?” 

Harry shook his head again and Severus only grew more curious. It was amazing that no one had found out. 

“What kind of protection do you use?” Severus outright asked. 

“Nappy.”

Severus continued to be surprised. Proud but surprised. 

“When did you start using those?”

“First year.”

“Why? And how?”

“The house elves. I think they didn’t like to keep having to change my sheets. Or me trying to hide the sheets or get rid of them. Mips was the one who helped me. He told me what was going on and offered the nappies for me to try.”

“So how do you get new ones when you run out?”

“Appear in my trunk.”

“Ah.” Severus said and pondered for the rest of the bath. 

He was still thinking as he finished and lifted Harry from the tub, the boy now fully asleep and limp in his arms. He lay him down on the bathroom mat and towel dried Harry, taking special care to be gentle on any patches of irritated skin. He was again horrified by the state of the child's body. When he was done, he sat back on his heels, an idea starting to form. He needed to finish out tonight though, at the very least, before he thought anymore on that. 

“Harry,” Severus said quietly and gently shook his shoulder. “Need you to wake up for me for just a moment buddy.”

Harry whinged but opened his eyes. He winged again when he remembered he couldn’t see anything. It was so frustrating. 

“Before I get your pyjamas back on, do you want protection for the rest of the night?”

Harry thought about it for a moment before slowly nodding his head, blushing ever so slightly again. Severus just nodded his head and snapped his fingers to summon a house elf. Harry was startled by the sudden pop as the house elf arrived but closed his eyes again, just wanting to fall asleep. 

“May I have a nappy for Mr. Potter?” Severus asked politely. 

The house elf nodded and with a snap he had summoned one and held it out to Severus. With a bow, the house elf disappeared again. Severus turned back to Harry who was fast asleep again and began to carefully put the nappy on. He had to admit that it was probably the easiest solution to deal with what seemed to be very frequent bed wetting. He then dressed Harry in the new set of pyjamas and shrunk them once they were on to fit Harry better. After a second he also summoned a pair of thick wool socks and slipped them on Harry’s feet. 

Having finished dressing Harry, he scooped him up and stood, carrying him back to his room. The light was still on, thankfully and Snape quickly crossed the room to the crib and went to lay Harry down. The black haired boy stirred just enough to cling to Severus, though, and protested being put down. Senape tried to untangle the thin little fingers that were so tangled up in his pyjama shirt but they were surprisingly strong. He wasn’t sure what to do but finally just sighed and stepped back. 

If Harry didn’t want to be left alone tonight, then he could sleep in Severus’ bed. It was certainly large enough. His almost infant like behaviour was confusing, though, for someone who had been so overly mature and almost adultish just hours ago. He’d have to write or floo Narcissa if it continued, just to make sure nothing was seriously wrong. In the meantime, however, he certainly wasn’t going to not enjoy spoiling Harry with the affection he had missed out on his whole life. He carried the child to his own room and gently laid the boy down on one side of his bed. He climbed in on the other side and drew the thick quilt up over both of them, then turned out the light. He was asleep almost instantly. Harry followed a few minutes later after he scooted over until he was cuddled into Severus’ chest. It's amazing how well you can sleep when you feel safe for the first time in your life.