Chapter 6
Merlin was livid. He didn’t know the last time he was this angry, probably sometime with someone trying to kill Arthur. He was angry but he had to wait, he had to wait and calm down. He needed to wait till he could talk to Harry alone after a class and for that he had to wait for the next day. He had to calm down or he wouldn’t be rational or able to explain anything. Christmas break was only a few days away and that meant he had a few things to do. He had to talk to Ron and Neville, go to class with Remus, and talk to Harry. The latter of which was more pressing.
He waited till the end of class with the 5th years to call for him to stay yet the whole trio did.
“Harry, I’d like to talk to you alone please.”
“We’d like to stay if possible.” Hermione butted in.
“It would be best if only he stayed.”
“Why?” Harry argued, “Anything you have to say to me can be said to them too.”
Merlin exhaled sharply, frustrated. “Fine.” He knew that there was no reason to dance around the subject. “You have a horcrux in your head from when Voldemort killed your parents.”
Harry looked insulted and confused, Ron was confused, and Hermione gasped.
“You don’t know what a horcrux is, do you.”
Both Ron and Harry shook their heads.
“A horcrux is when a dark wizard kills someone and their soul splits. They then put that part of their soul into an object.” Hermione cut in and Merlin tried not to frown in irritation. “When Voldemort killed your parents, his soul split and went into you.”
Harry went white, “So Voldemort is part of me? I have a murderer in my skull?” His words were flat and cold. Accepting yet regretful.
“Harry.” Merlin sat on the table behind him. “Give me a moment and I’ll remove it. Get rid of it for you.”
“No.”
“What!” The exclamation came from Ron yet the confusion echoed on Hermione’s face.
“Harry.” Merlin frowned. “It’s dark magic, making it harder for you to cast spells as well as tainting anything you do.”
“No professor.” He was sharp.
“Why?”
“Because it’s mine and I want it.”
“Harry!” Hermione shrieked.
“Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger, please leave.” Merlin told them flatly, no room to argue. They left quickly, the look in the professor's eyes hurrying their steps. “Harry. It’s dark magic, cold and evil. It’s there because a vile man killed your parents. Tell me why you don’t want it gone.”
Harry’s eyes darkened and he looked down. Shame, Merlin realized.
“Don’t worry about it professor.” He tried to leave but Merlin waved his hands and the door closed.
“Harry.” he pushed lightly, knowing that he was soon to snap if he kept pushing.
“Professor.”
“Harry.” His words were quiet but firm.
“It’s not your business!”
“Harry.” the boy had turned back towards him. “Talk to me please. I can’t help you if I don’t know what to help with.”
“I don’t want help!”
“Harry.” He raised his voice a little, knowing what would come next.
“What am I without it!” Harry shouted at him and Merlin understood in an instant.
“Harry.” His voice was softer but it was compassion, not pity. He felt that Harry was much like Arthur. They needed their burdens to feel helpful, needed the flaws people put on them to feel wanted. They needed kindness, not compassion. “You are and will always be Harry. You are not defined by the faults of other people. The choice to have it was not yours, so the consequences are not yours to bear alone.”
Harry looked devastated and Merlin didn’t bring up the silver lining his eyes.
“I’m supposed to have it in me. I’ll be free of it when I kill Voldemort, I have too. It’s the only reason they want me here.”
“No it’s not Harry. They want you here because you’re Harry Potter, not because you’re the ‘boy who lived’. They want you for the person you’ll become.”
“How can you say that with such certainty professor?”
Merlin smiled, “Well, you could say that I know someone who was quite like you. He thought the people loved him because he was supposed to do great things. Because of who his family was and did. That wasn’t true. The people loved him because of who he was and what he did. Because he was strong and smart.” He paused to look at Harry’s eyes. “The bravery of every Gryffindor.” Harry smiled though tears slipped down his cheeks. “He was loved because of himself, not because of any outer force.”
Harry frowned thoughtfully. “I thought it was destiny. What I was supposed to do.”
Merlin frowned, “Destiny is a fickle thing Harry.”
The boy scoffed, “What would you know about destiny professor.”
“There were times when I felt my destiny crushing me. Yet someone told me that I couldn’t choose my destiny, and I couldn’t escape it. But I disagree. No one, no matter how great, can know they’re destiny. You can not glimpse your part in the great story that is going to unfold. Like everyone you must live and learn.
Destiny,” he repeated, “is a fickle thing. You can’t know what’s going to happen, just what is most likely. Too changeable by the smallest thing. Eating toast instead of porridge for breakfast can change the course of a life depending on the day.”
“So eating toast will keep everyone alive?”
Merlin laughed, “Not likely. But letting me take the horcrux out of your head will at least save yours.”
Harry paled and was quiet, a battle going on in his head. “Alright.”
“Alright.” Merlin raised his eyebrows, that was rather easy.
“Alright. Let’s get it over with.” He sat down on the table. “Do you need spell stuff or something?”
“Nah. I’m just gonna follow my instincts.”
“Wait!” Harry looked at him in horror. “You don’t know how to do this?”
“I will in about 2 minutes. All of my magic is instinctual anyway.”
“Is this safe?”
“Probably.”
Harry paused for a moment before shrugging. His Gryffindor courage came through. “Alright. I’ve done more on less.”
Merlin shrugged and hovered a hand over Harry's head. His magic reached out and recoiled from the splintered soul in seconds. He frowned at how it reminded him of Morgause's sharp magic. He pushed it forward and wrapped around it, gently dislodging the darkness from the boy's magic.
Harry frowned as Merlin’s eyes flared a vibrant gold. It unsettled him when his professor did magic, it wasn’t like any he’d seen before, it was stronger. There was a light pull in his head then Merlin was holding a dark ball in his hand.
“Is that Voldemort's soul?”
“Part of it.”
Harry paused, “That’s equal parts cool and disturbing.”
“Yep.”