"Reg mate, are you even listening to me right now?"
Evan's voice echoed, snapping Regulus out of his day dreams and back to reality. The boy cleared his throat and turned back towards his friend, pretending his mind had never wandered away from the potions homework in front of them.
"Yeah, tired sorry." Regulus muttered under his breath as he felt eyes on him. It was him, Evan, Pandora, and Barty sitting at their usual study spot in the library, not that Barty ever did much studying. "What was the question again?"
"Which poisonous herb also referred to as 'Monks Hood' consists of a woody stalk and blue or violet-"
"Wolfsbane," Regulus cut his friend off halfway though the sentence, folding his arms in front of him and laying his head down. After all, his poor excuse wasn't a complete lie, the boy really was tired. As Evan continued to rattle though questions mostly to himself, Regulus sighed and turned his ocean-blue eyes back to where they had been moments ago. There, across the library, he saw his brother, Sirius, along with his friends. Remus was unsurprisingly buried in a book with Sirius laying across his lap, Peter tinkered with a small object in his hand, and James and Lily bickered halfheartedly with each other, no doubt working their way through homework of their own. Though he was a year below them, Regulus was in quite a few advanced classes and shared a few classes with some of his brothers friends, so he had a decent idea of what they all must be working on at the time. The boy watched the group as they worked, his mind and eyes alike eventually drifting back to Potter and Evans. Then came the all too familiar feeling, deep in his stomach, so suffocating yet so unknown to him.
He watched as the two interacted, the sarcastic remarks and the chimes of laughter echoing around them. Was he jealous? Jealous of the way they connected, unable to tell where one ended and the next began? Or jealous of the way they could just talk to each other without thought or anxiety? Was he jealous of Lily for having a connection with the passionate and pretty boy that he'd been staring at since second year? Or of James for miraculously getting close to the sarcastic but kind girl that had actually treated him like a person? No, there was something else there.
Regulus sighed blankly, twisting his hair absentmindedly as he tried to pin down the emotion that overtook him whenever he saw the duo. Behind him, the chatter continued until Barty spoke up for the first time in a while.
"Hey Reg," Barty spoke, smirk audible in his tone, "you wanna stop eye-fucking the bloke?"
Regulus turned to him with a blank face, moving to prop his arm on the table before rolling his eyes dramatically to get his point across.
"Do you want to actually get you're course work done, Barty?" Regulus shot back, completely monotone. "And I'm not 'eye-fucking' anyone, whatever that means."
"Awe c'mon Reggie," the brunette leaned forward, "every man and woman in this castle wants to get a piece of him! Lupin is quite the looker, after all."
Regulus let out a sudden sharp laugh, loud enough to turn heads to look at the table of usually quiet students. Realizing his volume, the teen reddened and turned back to his friends at the table.
"Remus?" Regulus nearly whispered, "Wouldn't dream of it. Plus, I've seen way too much walking in on those two."
"Yeah, okay. Tell yourself whatever you want, Black." Barty leaned back and put his boots up on the table as he fidgeted with his lighter again. Flipping him off, Regulus laid his head back down and kept his eyes trained ahead on the two teens across the room.
After a few moments, Barty got up to 'go smoke' and Evan to track down another book they needed, leaving Regulus and Pandora at the table alone. Lowering her book slowly, Pandora leaned closer to the boy and spoke softly.
"Go talk to them."
Regulus sighed and shook his head softly.
"You know I can't, Dora."
"Sure you can," Pandora nudged him, a soft smile on her face as she encouraged him. "It's not like you have to do anything, just talk to them, Starshine. You've been pining and swooning for months now"
"I am not swooning."
Pandora laughed softly at his reply, her voice delicate like bells. "Oh, you most defiantly are, love. It's painfully obvious to just about everyone but you. And maybe Barty, but his emotional awareness skills are a different thing entirely."
Regulus was silent for a moment, his mind wandering back to the feeling pooling deep in his stomach. He was not swooning. Absolutely not... Right? Sure, James was annoyingly pretty and his laugh made him see stars, but why would he feel that same sinking feeling around Lily as well? Was he jealous of her? She was always so kind to him, even when others wanted nothing more than to run him into the ground. She would always smile and speak to him gently, her face lighting up warmly as she would talk his ear off whenever he was willing- and often more than happy -to listen. He could never hold any bad feelings for her, and surly he wasn't jealous or cold in any way... Oh.
The black haired boys stomach sank further as he realized what was happening, finally putting a name to the feeling that had been brewing in his mind for months. And, Gods above, he wish he had stayed oblivious. Why was he like this? How could he be so selfish yet feel so alone? His pale skin blushed red and his dark brows furrowed as he turned to Pandora again. "I... uhm..."
The girl next to him smiled kindly and put a hand on his back.
"I know," she whispered "It's okay, Reg."
"Is it?" Regulus' voice threatened to waiver as he spoke, feeling suddenly overwhelmed with both his emotions and the environment around him. Pandora took his hand.
"You can't help who you love. I told you that when you came out to me, do you remember?"
Regulus nodded slowly, unable to make eye contact with her.
"Well then that's that," She squeezed his hands tightly. "you still can't help it. Now for Merlin's sake, talk to them later, okay?"
Regulus nodded again and laid his head back down with a sigh, burying his face in his arms on the table. As Evan and Barty walked their ways back to the table bickering at each other, Pandora shot Regulus one more small smile before burying herself back into her book. Regulus sighed and turned his gaze back to Lily and James across the room with a newfound understanding. After a moment, Lily caught his eyes and gave him a warm smile and a small wave, prompting James to turn and do the same. Butterflies filled Regulus' stomach and throat as he raised his hand slightly to wave before turning the other way and burying his face again. Pandora was right.
He couldn't help it.