Chapter 1
There are two sides to Formula 1. The dream side of F1 with fast cars, money, fame, and adrenaline rushes better than anything in the world. And then there's the side most people will never see with long nights, self-doubt, pain, and fear. People watch us risk our lives and make it look easy, they hear our interviews and think they understand but it doesn't even come close. I was 7 when I realized I had to take karting seriously or I would never make it through.
That's the thing about Formula 1 there are only 20 of us who make it. You train your whole life to get a chance of a seat but even then there are no guarantees you won't be dropped. My rookie year starts in less than 20 minutes and then the world will think they can open field on my potential. Scoring a seat with Claymore is unheard of for a rookie, the rumors are my parents bought my seat. It may not technically be true but it's not much better.
When I first saw the news break I grabbed my phone and locked myself in my room. They tried to explain that their sponsorship wasn't a remark on my skills. They called me dramatic that it was just an investment. But as I stared at the 100 million dollar donation in the name of the Black family how was I supposed to feel?
There was no way I would be taken seriously now. I had done everything they asked. I put racing first ahead of everything and still, my family found new ways to make me feel like I was just pretending to know what I was doing. I had basically been signed before they made the donation and finished first for F2 but as soon as the media saw the number and my last name they wouldn't let it go. I was a buy-on seat for all intents and purposes.
It doesn't help that my brother has made his place in F1 for years now after breaking all ties with my family.
I spot him in the Astrea colors of red and gold. It's unavoidable to miss him in the paddock. Everyone adores him they have for years. He's gotten closer to a title than anyone else on the team has in years. He looks away when he sees me as if I'm an obsessed fan he hates.
My engineer tells me to hop into the car and get settled. The team runs around getting everything ready.
A few deep breaths later and I’m lining up to practice. At that moment I remember why I love this. Going as fast as humanly possible where every move can be the difference between first and second. Sirius thought I was forced. He’d begged me to drop this when I was 12 he saw bruises on my arm and had assumed it was from dad working me too hard. I thought he wanted the glory for himself and thought I was too weak to handle Dad on my own. I think that was the year we grew apart.
Right now all that matters is me and this car. The media, my family, my brother, my secrets I can leave them all behind. “Regulus manage the tires we want you to go for a flying lap next” Gilmore is talking on the radio to guide me on the plan. I roll up to the line when he tells me it's time to go for a practice quality lap.
The car feels like a part of me. In this second I see the other drivers as passing blurs. This isn’t the real deal but I know I've made my mark. Gilmore comes on “Yes Regulus perfect top of the board you set a new fastest lap incredible”. And I wish I could say I didn't love to hear that, but it made me think that maybe I wasn’t going to blow this whole year up as a failure.