Chapter 2
My teammate Louis was already back in the pits as I got out. I thought he’d ignore me as he was chatting away, but then he looked at me and said I did well today. I knew how important team dynamics were and so far I had done my best to just stay out of people's way. It felt too good to be true that maybe my teammate would be my friend, I knew something had to fall out it always did. My parents never stopped telling me that there could be no friends in F1.
“Regulus your parents are in the paddock they wanted to talk to you I told them to wait but they seem insistent,” someone on his team said. I was expecting them to be here but I thought they would lay back for once. Nothing good would come from them here other than me feeling distracted. I walked toward the sound of hushed whispers and a door with my name on it that was supposed to be my personal space.
“That could have been better Regulus, you took the first turn too wide it made you have a slower exit,” His dad said while his mother went “Silly mistakes like that will cost you everything, that lap was enough today but it was sloppy”. That's my family for you no hi, hello, congrats. Just right to the point where I failed.
Sirius’s voice is always in my mind during these moments. I know he’d be braver than me and probably snap back that he was first what more could they want? But today I was running low on energy as the adrenaline came down and what I wanted was to be alone.
“I’ll do better tomorrow today was practice I wanted to learn my limits”. It was easier to agree with them and hope they would just leave me alone. I looked at their faces as they seemed to decide it was enough. After they walked away the weight of the interaction with my parents settled heavily on my shoulders. Their words echoed in my mind, maybe I was sloppy could I have been better I thought no but now I was afraid they were right.
I slump into the chair running my hands through my hair I wish Sirius was here. He'd always been the first person I wanted to see after a race, my partner in dreaming about F1 glory. In the midst of our shared aspirations, Sirius was the one who reminded me to believe in myself and to stand up for what I believed in. That was never going to be us again though. He chose his life and I was stuck living this one for our parents because I couldn't get out of it.
I stare up at the posters of racing legends adorning the walls of my personal space and ponder the sacrifices I'd made to chase my passion. My parents' pressure has driven me forward and dwelling on the what-ifs won’t make me any happier. I know the truth is today has been a lot and I just need to keep my head down and get through this weekend.
Once I finally get back to the hotel I stalk every media outlet for what they're saying about me. It’s a lie that people don't google themselves. I would never admit to it but a day hasn't gone by where I don't read all the best and worst things about myself. One sticks out during an interview with my brother's teammate James telling the media that he always expected me to be fast. It looks like he said it so easily like there wasn't a second of doubt as to what it would make me feel. I remember James growing up as the boy who stole my brother awat. Once they started competing together they were inseparable. Sirius never made time for me I was also just too little. I never outright said I hated him but when I look at his stupid happy face it's infuriating. I want things to be that easy for me but that’s not likely.