Lost

Chapter 6

‘’Looks what those animals had done to you!’’ Narcissa was furious, cleaning the blood from Petunia’s face. Her face has a huge gash, from corner to corner, and is a miracle it hadn’t affected her vision. ‘’I’m gonna kill them, I swear’’.

               ‘’Please don’t. That’s Severus’ Job’’ she says, trying to remain calm, Narcissa may do as she says.

               ‘’Sure, because you have told him about it, huh? Have you?’’ Petunia’s eyes darken, pressuring a clean cloth against it in silence. ‘’Petunia, have you really kept this to yourself? This needs to end, now’’. They were in different grades, this was Narcissa’s last year and it pained her deeply she would be leaving Petunia behind with these animals. ‘’This is an assault and needs to be brought up to the Headmaster himself, we can present a case to court if needed’’. Whatever it takes to bring back Potter to justice.

               Petunia didn’t say anything for a time, she soaked in new clean cloth in medicinal water for the fifth time, the bleeding was stopping, and once it did she would be able to treat it and get rid of the scar in a few hours with some luck. ‘’Do you remember where the Evans’ last name comes from?’’ she asks demure tone, looking at her with the remaining eye that wasn’t covered by the cloth.

               ‘’Petunia, this is not the time to ask me stupid questions’’. Narcissa almost barks, storming around the room, and looking at the door menacingly. Their school year was almost completed and once they finished, and as the political ambiance grew tense, Narcissa wasn’t sure how next year would turn out to be. ‘’I have no idea, your family were… ah…! Some shepherds thing? I don’t know! can’t remember!’’

               ‘’From where does the Potter and Black family come from?’’ She asks then.

               ‘’What do you want me to tell you? They had been here for centuries! They are founders, older than even these school walls. I’ll not discuss that with you now, this is not a fucking history class’’.

               ‘’Yet you understand the magnitude of their of their families histories and last names and still do not seem to comprehend my position’’.

               ‘’They assaulted you. when you were alone, they disarmed you and more than one wizard attacked you from behind, the cowards, all of them! Even that rat face didn’t hesitate to hurt you’’. Petunia does not confess what else happened because it will be sealing their fates and once again she keeps it to herself. ‘’How can you endure this?’’

               ‘’I am nothing’’ Petunia says quietly, her voice echoing in the middle of the room, still, she did not sound pitiful or resigned, it was as if she was speaking about a trivial topic, like speaking about the weather, something they both knew for a fact. ‘’Your shoes are more valuable and expensive than my entire being, and it is the same with Potter and Sirius, no matter how I accuse them, or to whom, nothing will happen to them. They can do whatever they want, because this world belongs to them, not me; or do you really believe someone will take my side? Me? A poor, mudblood girl, who came out of nowhere, with no lands, influences, power, or wealth? That’s not how the world works, Narcissa’’. The bleeding has stopped and Narcissa can’t help but stare and look at the large wound on Petunia’s face, it’s red, whatever they did to her, it was deep.

               ‘’No, that’s not how the world works’’. Narcissa admits, calmer but not less angry. ‘’Then, you are giving up? Would you allow them to continuing hurting you?’’

               ‘’I am worth nothing by the standards of magical society, I cannot do much apart from escaping once I finish school’’.

               ‘’That’s not an answer to my question’’

               ‘’What’s the point of answering your question? You know what will happen to me if I say anything against Potter. The Headmaster loves him, he’s one of his favorite students, I can tell he already knows and most likely a few teachers, and before you even attempt to offer your help, you can’t, and know perfectly why not. If I speak, their parents will be here in the blink of an eye to finish what their darling children had started. Tell me, Narcissa, do you think my parents would ever stand a chance against them? If they came to defend me?’’.

               Narcissa hated Petunia’s roots and upgrading more than anything in this world. She still believed this was what mudbloods deserved but Petunia shouldn’t be put with the rest, she was different, she was good but not stupid, intelligent but not arrogant. She hadn’t done anything wrong against anyone in this school, practically a shadow buried under a hundred books, trying to makes less disturbance as possible.

               For a moment they only hear the tic tac of the clock. ‘’You cannot tell Severus’’ Petunia says, looking at Narcissa with a sharp eye. ‘’Promise me’’.

               ‘’…You can’t expect to follow your example and pretend you are not being abused, do you?’’

               ‘’I’ll never speak to you again if you break my trust’’. Petunia said with the same grim expression Severus used to carry when his patience was running out.

               ‘’Why are you punishing me?! I am not the one hurting you!’’ She was here trying to help, to put a solution to a problem that didn’t have one, because the only way to stop this was if Petunia had been born a pureblood, if not from an important family, her blood would be more than enough, but, what it’s done is done and there is nothing she can do to undo her past and birth.

               ‘’Will you or will you not honor my disgrace? If you want to help me, staying silent is a great way to do it’’.

               Narcissa bites his tongue as she grunts. ‘’Fine, nevertheless I need to know what you are going to do to solve this, you can’t continue living as if you were…’’.

               ‘’Mudbloods are more resilient than you can expect, do not worry about me’’.

               ‘’Stop calling yourself such a thing’’. Narcissa said, exasperated. ‘’You are not…!’’

               ‘’I heard you calling muggleborns as such, and so has Lucius, even Severus when enraged’’.

               ‘’It does not apply to you, it’s different’’.

               ‘’Different how?’’

               Narcissa looked at her, powerless, unsure of what to tell her. ‘’You still hate this part of me, but you are far too generous to me by ignoring it, don’t you?’’ Narcissa closed her eyes and turned her head away. ‘’Do not worry for me. Denying my nature will only sharpen the blade. Severus and Petunia knew it pretty well.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

The next morning, it’s… really nice.

               Petunia woke way before him, and by the time he opened his eyes was not even seven, and still, Petunia already cooked plenty of dishes and drinks just for the two of them. There is a smoky mug next to their bed, Severus takes it in his hands, warming him immediately.

               He can hear Petunia’s soft and happy humming the closest he gets to the kitchen. It’s surreal. It reminded him of the days they used to sneak out of their family homes during summer and holidays when they were actually free to find a place of their own, pretending their families didn’t exist, that there weren’t any prejudices for the people like them, with in their own right were innocent, harmless.

               A world of their own, where only the happiness of the other matter. They would book a room in a decent inn, not a pretty one, not luxurious but cheap and cozy. Lily had tried to search for them hysterically, Petunia was unmarried and young, she couldn’t just eloped with a man, her parents were fuming, and still, Petunia never looked back or asked herself, have I overstepped? Petunia was oh so confident when it was about Severus, just as Severus the adult one, was ready to set the world on fire for Petunia to live another day more, Petunia was ready to disown her own family if that meant she could be with him.

               Her Petunia was so happy, unbothered.

‘’Good morning, husband’’ she greets him with a tiny, yet genuine smile on her face. ‘’Did you sleep well?’’

‘’…Good morning, Petunia’’. He says, still unsure if he’s dreaming or if this pristine image of her is true. ‘’Yes… It was a nice night’’. No it wasn’t. Barely sleep anything at all. His mind continued producing these images of Petunia losing her mind over and over. He could make the world kneel for her, but still, her mind was off his limits. He can’t touch anything at all there, can’t fix or heal, not without going against Petunia’s will, or mutilating her own mind, and that’s something Severus will never do.

‘’Happy to hear that, please sit down, you need to eat, Lucius sent a message earlier today, it looks like you are needed by 8 o'clock in you know where with you know who’’. If not in public, Petunia never refers to Voldemort as her Dark Lord, Master or any sort of respectful title. She isn’t discourteous at all when it’s about him either, she just rather to avoid him in any situation if possible. She doesn’t speak of him, doesn’t bring the subject for conversation. She knows she exists and how powerful and dangerous he was, still, Petunia will never believe in his beliefs, and she’s sure neither does Severus.

Severus nods, silently sipping from his mug. It’s coffee. Petunia never makes coffee, it’s always tea, or water that has been brewed in fruits. It doesn’t bother him, it is… a change he doesn’t know how to deal with. ‘’What are your plans for today?’’.

‘’I’ll started preparing the room for the baby’’. Petunia says flipping pancake in the pan. ‘’I think Narcissa may stop by for lunch by 2:30 p.m. Would you be here by dinner?’’.

‘’No’’. Petunia’s smile turns only a little sadder, this was the price for the life they were having, and she knows if Severus could have taken another path, he would have. ‘’But I’ll make sure to stay the night here’’.

‘’Mark your words, Mister’’.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

‘’What are you talking about?’’ Narcissa says, almost rolling her eyes. ‘’She’s perfectly fine, I swear. Only a little overwhelmed by all the changes since certain someone kept her living in captivity for half a decade as an exotic creature, who wouldn’t be a little shocked to see the world for the first time after that?’’.

‘’You know I’m not referring to that’’. Severus immediately defends himself, hoarse. ‘’And she was not kept as some sort of pet. I respected her, treated her as a human being, with the dignity and care she deserves!’’ Narcissa can’t help but laugh. She isn’t doubting Severus’s words at all, but it’s just really funny how he lost his shit whenever Petunia is mentioned, how defensive and protective he gets of her and the relationship they shared.

‘’Relax yourself, Romeo. I believe you’’ if he wasn’t truthful about his words, the state of Petunia would have been much worse. She’s healthy, just a little depressed, but hey! They had been at war for years, depression is part of the job. ‘’Nevertheless, she was perfectly fine yesterday with me, I can sign you that every day’’.

‘’Are you sure about that? Didn’t she look… different? Strange?’’

               ‘’Strange how? She was bloody fine! Perhaps spaced out a little every now and then but again, that’s perfectly normal, considering the unfortunate situation with her relatives’’. She isn’t stupid enough to bring up Lily’s name in public. ‘’We had dinner and purchased baby clothes and supplies. She was fine, happy, nothing bad happened’’.

               Still Severus looks unconvinced, as if there was a missing piece in this puzzle called Petunia. Someone he had understood all his life, he knew all her reactions and what caused them. ‘’She was not the same’’. Severus insists. ‘’I felt her behavior… different. Less grim, more cheerful but it… it didn’t feel right’’ as she was pretending, yes. That’s the correct word. Petunia did not feel genuine.

               ‘’Severus, for your own good and my sake, I’m hoping you aren’t causing a scene because Petunia is happy going out with me, that doesn’t mean you should be acting like a jealous fool. I thought you better!’’

               ‘’I am not jealous!’’ Severus says, just slightly raising his voice, between surprised and offended. ‘’That’s stupid. I would never feel upset for her being with you!’’ it would be the opposite, because if Narcissa brings happiness to Petunia, Severus would never keep her from being with her. They were all family.

               ‘’Then, what’s all of this drama?’’ Narcissa said, crossing her arms, if Severus thought he could keep her locked up another five years, man, he was so wrong. ‘’I recognize having my fair number of bi-curious experiences growing up, but I’ve never seen Petunia that way, she’s like a little sister to us’’.

               ‘’The Blacks weren’t afraid of incest last time I recall’’ she snorts.

               ‘’Now you are being paranoid’’ she says half amused. ‘’As long as she isn’t attempting to her life or anything that could harm herself or the baby, we should be good. Stop worrying’’. But Narcissa doesn’t understand. Her relationship with Lucius is not the same as he has with Petunia, there is love between both, but the context and upbringings are far from similar.

               ‘’It’s not right’’ Severus mutters, Narcissa thinks he’s almost adorable, First General has no quarrel killing mudblood children in front of their parents, but when is about his lady wife he’s pouting like a child.

               ‘’Don’t worry then, I’ll make sure to give her a lot of kisses as soon as I see her today’’. Narcissa can’t help but tease him even further.

               ‘’You will not’’. He snaps his head in her direction with a critical expression.

               ‘’Go preparing the divorce papers, Severus dear’’. She winked.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Lily has tried to reconnect again. Her bond with her sister is weakened, barely existing, broken almost beyond repair since the moment she tried to put their parents against her in order to get her back in line, which backfired horribly for Lily.

               Petunia stopped talking with her and in general acknowledged her, which was all the opposite she really wanted, and even as an adult, when she accidentally linked their minds, she managed again to upset her very pregnant sister to the point she pushed her out of her mind the second she could, and that’s to say a lot, Petunia is not particularly strong.

               It was already difficult to establish it the first place, but Petunia was able to close it. She isn’t sure if this is permanent. The more Lily focuses on it, the less she’s able to locate Petunia. She can feel her heartbeat, sometimes calm and slow, probably sleeping, but when she really tries and focus, it starts accelerating to the point Lily needs to stop because she’s scared, she may be hurting her.

               She doesn’t know what else to do, the thought of losing her sister breaks her, and hunts her down in her dreams. If she had approached their relationship deeper, less controlling, and possessive, perhaps she could have made Petunia trust her. If she…

               She confesses to James, because he’s her husband in confidence, and this is what marriages do. ‘’…I didn’t know you have a bond to… her’’ he insults her in his mind a million times. He perfectly knew that behind Severus’ vicious attacks were Petunia's poisonous words, surely. ‘’…I’m really sorry you aren’t able to reach her’’. James says, the wheel spinning in her brain.

               ‘’Not as sorry as I am’’ Lily says, her voice losing strength, her hands holding her face, with a desperation she can no longer hide neither she wants to. ‘’My only comfort is that she’s safe’’.

               ‘’Of course she’s safe’’. Petunia has been Severus’s since the beginning of times, clearly he would spare her in exchange for certain favors. For James, this was not love. ‘’For now’ ’Lily looks up to him. ‘’Until Severus finds her company boring’’. He presses.

               ‘’I don’t know if that could ever be possible’’. She has seen Severus’ obsession growing darker and stronger each year when they were still children. What couldn’t do Severus now as a full-grown adult, with unlimited power and wealth?

               ‘’You say it yourself, he’s a monster, and your sister is too naïve- ‘’ stupid, ‘’… to understand the danger she’s under. Petunia is alone in a world ruled by snakes, sooner or later, she will get eaten’’. This one he really believed in, whether by Severus or by any pureblood, Petunia will not survive in a world that despised her.

               ‘’Let me think about it’’ Lily says, turning away from her husband. ‘’If we stablish the bond again, perhaps I could find her exact location, but we couldn’t bring her right away, is dangerous here as it is dangerous there’’. Petunia’s betrayal has not been forgotten or forgiven.

               James takes her hand and smiles just as brightly as he used to do when there were a couple of students. ‘’Lily, trust me. I know your relationship has been difficult since the very beginning, but if something this war has taught me, is that family is all we have left’’. Lily purses her lips, fighting her tears away, squeezing his grip over her.

               ‘’I know, family is the most important thing right now… I didn’t know if you could understand it, after what Petunia has done’’.

               ‘’Everyone deserves a second chance. Go on, get in touch with her, let her know she’ll be welcome, and I’ll personally bring her back’’. If they were able to put her hands on Petunia, perhaps the war wouldn’t be lost or won, but James was sure she would be of great help.

…

Times go on, Severus finally realizes. ‘’I told you I’ll help you’’. He says, sounding slightly scolding as he rubs his eyes, still sleepy in bed, seeing Petunia stepping into their room, with her hair still wet, dripping, and wrapped in a bathrobe.

               ‘’If you were there with me, it wouldn’t have been a five-minute bath’’. Petunia says with a half smile, additionally, Severus had such a rough night, and just went to bed a couple of hours ago, how could she wake him up for something like this? She had no heart for it.

               ‘’It is dangerous Petunia, next time please wake me up, what if you fall?’’ Times go on, and Severus accepts it. She’s in her last trimester. 7 months and three weeks, with how slender and thin she was, her baby bump was very noticeable and big, making her clumsy on her feet, and the thought of sliding off onto the wet floor made his heart ache.

               ‘’Ah! You are sounding like Narcissa now’’ she says, taking off the excess of water from her hair with a towel. ‘’I’m gonna be perfectly well. Go back to sleep, there are a few hours still before we have to leave’’.

               Severus stretches around the bed, his muscles are sore, and he hasn’t sleep at all in the last three days. ‘’You don’t have to go if you don’t wish’’ He can perfectly excuse why her wife wouldn’t be attending, her pregnancy was too advanced.

               ‘’You have kept me safe for almost six years’’ Petunia says, no accusation or sarcasm in her tone. ‘’For which I’m grateful, however, I know people have started talking’’.

               ‘’…We have never been the sort of listening to them, have we?’’ Severus remains in his position, naked but with the white sheets covering him, with his eyes traveling around Petunia’s body, marveling at the way she slides off the bathroom, in order to fold it and set it on top of a chair. There is no shame when the two of them are together, and feels no shyness anymore when her husband is around.

               ‘’No, we are not’’ Petunia concedes. ‘’However, gossip can be misunderstood’’ she doesn’t say to whom but it’s clear. ‘’It was instructed for everyone to bring their entire families, correct? That’s a direct order and applies to everyone. ’’ Severus sighs, exhausted but nods. ‘’We only care for the opinion of one person’’ Petunia says, pulling a dark dress from their closed. ‘’… Denying our nature…’’

               ‘’…Will only sharpen the blade’’ Severus has not forgotten it, the reason why he had kept his muggle’s last name, taking it from him will only give people like Bellatrix a tool to hurt him, as if he was ashamed of his origins.

               It doesn’t mean it makes him happy the idea of having Lord Voldemort and Petunia breathing in the same room.