Lost

Chapter 7

‘’It is wise her attendance?’’ Lucius asked, bouncing in his knee a fussy Draco. They were forced to wake him up, hoping they could tire him a little more before letting him have another nap. They had installed some silencing spells on his clothing and soft blankets. Just in case, they did not want to take the risk of irritating their Lord with his whining.

               No, they will ever allow any harm to come to their firstborn and only child. There are limits, just as Severus had his, they had their own. The moment Voldemort hurt them, it will be time to team up and fight back. ‘’He ordered to reunite all family members. From the oldest to the youngest’’.

               ‘’Mmm’’ Narcissa is not ignoring him but she’s rather busy finishing her eyelashes. Sometimes she just enjoy doing it with her own hands. ‘’I don’t think she should be attending either. Severus has Draco’s self-control when anyone comes near her, ill-intentioned comments will be all the way the moment they recognize her’’.

               ‘’I tried to speak to him, to convince him to keep her safe and sound at home, if only…’’

               ‘’If only this was not a regular meeting’’ Narcissa sighed.

               No, it was not a regular social gathering, and he was sure they were not the only ones worried about this situation, in fact, if the rest knew the primary generals were concerned about being there with their dark lord, the rest from the lowest rankings will be pissing themselves out of fear.

               It was not a request but a requirement, Narcissa leaned back, looking already exhausted. ‘’He’ll be back, all of us, like always’’ Lucius says, comforting. That’s true. No matter the obstacle, they find a way out of it, perhaps with a few scratches but alive.

…

Petunia decided not to wear any of her favorite colors. There are no light or pastel dresses, not pretty long and fluffy skirts or heavily decorated coats. Just a plain black dress with gray fur on top Severus bought for the occasion, it’s a cold winter. ‘’It is time’’ Petunia says softly when Severus stops at the entrance, looking at the grim castle standing in front of them. ‘’Severus, love?’’

               ‘’It is’’ Severus says quietly. ‘’We’ll be back home soon’’ he promises. And Petunia believes him entirely, because he’s a man who has always kept his promises to her, every single one of them. I’ll keep you safe Petunia. I love you. I’ll be by your side. I’ll be loyal to you. Give me your pains and worries, I’ll make them go away. When has Severus lied to her? When has he hurt her?

               The answer is never. ‘’I know’’ Petunia says with a smile, and that’s enough for him to have his energy back and take the first step, not without kissing her first. It’s like an early reward.

…

‘’Oh, there you are’’ Lucius notices them quickly enough, holding Narcissa's hand at all times, who at the same time keeps Draco against her hips in an iron hold. They are different, they were born in privilege and will die in privilege, and said privilege will be passed on to Draco’s children too. No one will dare to approach them and spit nasty heat threats about their upbringing.

               They will do with Petunia since Bellatrix already does with Severus, and she has lost counts of how many times she has apologized in her behalf because Severus is not doing the only think he can think of to stop her, and for which Narcissa was grateful. People like Bellatrix will never address Severus for what he really was, and the thing is, that her sister lacks on fear, different from the rest of them who can barely look at Severus without babbling, her dear friend above all, appreciates and values deeply the friendship between them to start a confrontation with her.

               ‘’Apologies for the delay’’ They did not want to come and that is not a secret. ‘’We had a few unexpected errands’’. Staring to the wall while thinking in an excuse, for example.

               ‘’No need to worry, we’ll just arrive too. I’m taking Petunia to sit down, it’s too crowded here’’. That’s code to Escape Plan A has begun. Severus nods, having a hard time letting Petunia’s soft hand go from his hold, watching wistfully as the two women depart to a much more private area of the salon.

               ‘’Oh, quit that face, you are going to see your lady wife at the end of the night’’ Lucius tries to lighten up the mood but, was he? Was he going to see Petunia after this, without a scratch on them? Will Severus leave enough to grow old with his wife and see their child reach adulthood? ‘’Enough of fatalism, after this… event comes to an end, the both of you will stay with us for the night, everything is going to be fine’’.

               Severus, different from Lucius and Narcissa, only had a mother to rely on, a woman who passed away far too early in his life, and while he has grown up with them over the years, the concept of a big family who could embrace him and feel safe on is new still new to him. It will be better if Severus could understand once and for all that there were more people looking after his well-being.

-

‘’We’ll be out of this when you least expect it’’ Petunia hears Narcissa saying. She’s doing great if someone is asking. Her eyes are glued to the floor, hasn’t said a word since she came here, neither drunk nor ate anything.

               Narcissa thinks it is almost surprising how Petunia manages her submission to still look graceful and elegant. They told her to stay out of the radar as much as possible, which it is a shame, Petunia would have looked lovely with that pearl necklace she gave her for her birthday a few months ago. ‘’I’ve heard so’’ Petunia says, and her friend does not offer further conversation.

               This is not a place to socialize, and both were aware of the fact, however, they needed to say a few words to comfort each other. Personally, Narcissa and Lucius do attend parties and formal events, only the necessary to avoid any rumors that could reach the wrong ears, but their true friends and family are not them.

               This was not one of those parties. There must be a motive for that being ordered to be here with their entire families. He isn’t a family man (he is not a fucking man!), so she doubts he’s harvesting any good interest in meeting the families of the people he uses every day.

               They had a few theories of what he may be orchestrating, and with all their hearts hope they are wrong, unfortunately, that’s rarely the case.

…

Lucius, Severus and Narcissa are Voldemort’s followers but not his admirers. Lucius knows his husband does believe in the purity of blood, but he doesn’t think Severus does, but once again, he isn’t a pureblood and does not care much about it. Severus will spill all blood necessary if it means keeping them safe. Pure, half-blood, mudblood or muggle.

               Though he and Narcissa have certainly different beliefs, that does not stop them from loving each other, nor in plotting within themselves to ensure their safety at all costs. They work for Voldemort and are their principal chess pieces, and important pillars of his reign at the moment, but they have not been fooled for a moment.

               First and foremost, they are aware that even with their status, power and wealth, they are only tools in Voldemort’s eyes. He wouldn’t dare to sacrifice them the moment they became useless to them, and they know it. Voldemort is not a reliable being, he’s sick on the head. He cannot see the world as they see it, and cannot feel what they do. He is not a person but the shadow of it, a shell.

               They will never fall into blind love or obedience like other members have, that would be the highest of stupidity. The only reason they are here and not with the side of the light, it is because probably that side hates them more, and that side is not strong enough to give a good fight against their lord.

               Lucius gives a glance at Severus. His eyes are darker today, he thinks. He can smell out his fear that’s quickly turning into cold anger. The angrier he is, the cruelest he gets in battle. He reflects again. Mmm…

               Maybe that’s not the only reason they are here. Maybe they are wicked too. Their hearts blackened long ago before they met Voldemort. They want this, they love the power, the feeling of being invincible, the money, the privileges. The almost orgasmic sensation it leaves when they kill and torture.

               They would have chosen some different paths to achieve’ what they already have, though there isn’t any bit of shame by any means. After all, they had worked hard to be where they are, especially Severus, who came out of nowhere, with nothing else in his pocket besides his knowledge, stubbornness, and fury.

               And look whom had he become now? Lucius can’t help by smile as he looks at him. He’s so proud of that man. Severus may not have been blessed by being born in the right family, but life gave him several gifts to make up for it. ‘’She’s all right, Narcissa is with her, and she knows what to do’’.

               What to do in case Voldemort goes completely crazy. Do not misunderstand him, Voldemort is crazy, he isn’t stupid nonetheless, and does recognizes and respects the hierarchy they had built around him, for now. Hopefully, it won’t happen today but since he is not a functional being or a rational animal, they had to create a plan to evacuate them in case something goes wrong. Narcissa, Draco, and Petunia will be leaving first and together, closely followed by Severus and Lucius.

               They work for him but at the same time plot against him. They do not plan to follow his orders forever. He’s a lunatic but so they. Voldemort is not the only one who thinks can use all of the people around him and throw him away once they become useless.

               They do not plan to leave their children in a world ruled by this bastard, not when he’s a step away from achieving immortality. No, no, this needs to end. They are not stupid like the side of the light to yell it in public and make it a scene, of course. He’ll go down, not just yet. ‘’It also means your lovely sister-in-law is near’’ and who knows what wouldn’t she say to Petunia? It’s left unsaid.

               ‘’Do not concern yourself with those matters’’ Lucius says dismissively. ‘’Narcissa is the only one who can put some sense in that insane head of hers, don’t worry’’ and that’s true. There were just a few people who seemed to moved Bellatrix’s heart, practically non-existing, except for Narcissa herself. ‘’Ah, we’ve been summoned, come’’. Lucius can’t help but say with certain irritation, feeling the slight burn of the mark on his forearm. Like a leash on a dog. How insulting.

…

Petunia knows he’s there. He’s come to the salon, she can tell for how everyone has closed their mouths, a tense silence filling the air as they stand up. It’s unsettling. The first thing it comes to her mind is how many kisses she needs to give Severus for putting up with this all the time, must be exhausting and emotionally draining, like death coming in a room.

               Narcissa gives her a quick glance, and Petunia does not need words to understand. Petunia ensures to never look up, low rankers members are not allowed to look Voldemort in the eye, Severus was not part of that group but still they did not want Petunia and that crazy bastard having any contact with her if possible.

               Petunia is unable to practice occlumency, ironically, she had married with the master of it. They don’t want that thing looking inside her head, searching for who knows what. Mostly of the important information she receives is erases by Severus, per her request. If anything came to happen to her family because of her, Petunia would never forgive herself. There is nothing to be afraid he’ll know if, for some reasons, decides to interrogate her memories, besides her intimate moments with Severus, though she doubts that’s anyone’s business.

               She has heard stories about Voldemort, of course. Her friends and husband are vague about this person and rarely bring him into conversation. That being was like a plague that was kept out of their homes and spoken of only when she was not around.

               Petunia had an unclear idea of how this man looked, she must confess more than one time she has woken in the middle of the night because of a nightmare, of Voldemort finally bringing her family’s heads. His deepest fears are of this Dark Lord turning and backstabbing them, and in the first years of his confinement was the reason she was kept awake most of the nights.

               Still, Petunia believes she may see a man, but the creature in from of then was not precisely… human. She’s careful to not make an attempt of read him, as she usually does whenever she’s taking care of her family’s health, and quickly adverts her eyes back to the floor; her mind is alert and it isn’t helping because Petunia wants to be distracted and hope this is over as soon as possible.

               The owner of their lives was a tall thing, mixed between looking sickly and yet healthy enough to be stubborn to die. His skin is greyish, and Petunia could swore there were some scales but she may be seeing shit at this point. She was not able to see his eyes, thanfully, because Voldemort’s eyes were the most unsettling part of him.

               He was seeing and ironically there was nothing to see back. His eyes were there, red as the blood he had been spilling all these years, even far their own birth, and Severus could confidently said there was simple not a soul inside that body. It was empty, consumed by his lust of power and sadism, nothing else.

               She feels an involuntary shudder, as all of her hope and dreams were frozen and shattered to pieces. Voldemort, by only being in the same room as him, is exhausting, he’s feeding from their energy, eating up their vitality and power, she needs to slowly lean against the table, as discreet as possible in order to not fall and create a scene, which she’ll first bite off her own tongue before ever causing one.

               As he walks to the center of the salon, Lucius, Severus, and Bellatrix are behind them, and the only happy was her. Narcissa does not like it one bit, her sister has always been an extremist, however, her attraction and obsession towards this man was something else, something too dangerous that she knew it would cost her life sooner or later. Bellatrix will die young, she’s sure of it, and the thought makes her heartache.

               When Andromeda was disowned from the Black family, they only had each other as sisters for a time, losing Bellatrix true will be such a blow to Narcissa, but it was meant to happen. She’s long gone accepted that fate; it hurts seeing the once numerous and powerful Black family reduced. ‘’Ah’’ Narcissa says softly in a breath as she felt Petunia’s little finger intertwined with hers, leaving a caress behind before returning to her place.

…

Severus can barely hide his irritation today, Lucius pinches his wrist because of it, chiding him softly into behaving, which is strange, usually is the other way around. He must be anxious about today, understandable His pregnant wife is here. When Narcissa was carrying their child was different. Draco’s birth meant the continuation of their legacy, and the perpetuity of the Malfoy and Black’s last names.

               It was something to celebrate. More mudbloods were being killed as new purebloods were being conceived and born, like a purge and the new spring coming back, cleaning this world from its filth. Severus and Petunia’s child may not be seen in the same way by the rest, for obvious reasons. The idea of someone attacking her under the excuse of getting rid of bad breeding was upsetting, because they had been doing that.

               When it was up to them, they ensure to do it quick and painlessly. Sometimes, depending of the day, sometimes on the weather, or on whatever orders they had to. There was information required now and then, or sometimes those mothers to be involved with someone of interested for Voldemort.

               In any case, there isn’t a gram of remorse out of it, but it feels uncomfortable bringing Petunia to a room full of people who had killed her kind. It is not right, Petunia should had been left at home, with her pretty and colorful garden, baking whatever new receipts she found or creating new ones, taking a nap in the evenings when she felt like it.

               Not here, surrounded by murderers, not a place they would ever think she’d be around when the type of people they killed were… her. ‘’

…

James is not having a good day. To be precise, James cannot remember having a good day lately. He was not entirely happy even when her son was born, not because he hated him or the idea of becoming a father. The prospect of building a family with Lily was one of the things he wanted the most, however, his idea of family and perfect life was not exactly doing it while escaping from one place to another, with no stability, luxuries or certainty.

               His son will never know what was to be live in a home, a permanent one. Will never go to Hogwarts, to ride his first broom and learn how to play Quidditch from the best (him), and feel the excitement of finding your fated wand. There are already signs of magic coming from his little boy, but with how stressed this environment is, Harry is getting stuck.

               ‘’Have you contacted your sister lately?’’ James throws out the question pretending to be casual. ‘’Hope you two come to peace?’’

               No, James did not care a rat’s ass about Petunia, or about the relationship with his wife. James cannot think much about Lily’s happiness, not in the middle of a war they already lost. James knows they cannot defeat him anymore, he internally accepted though every single morning goes through a speech that feeds the remaining soldiers; what enrages him is the humiliation: How could had he lost against someone he has not seen in ages?

               Voldemort rarely fights his own battles nowdays, he leaves that responsibility in the shoulders of his minions, Severus at the head, and… To think that scrawny, nerdy boy who several times he was about to kill when his pranks were too cruel, have James’ life and his family’s on his hands, made him recoils with shame.

               Not because of what he did. If anything, James blames himself for not killing him back then, perhaps now they would have a chance to fight back, but every minute it passes, they continue to lose members, powerful ones. He looks over his shoulder and only sees scared and hurt people, lost as much as James.

               ‘’No’’ Lily says, dryly. She does that often, James is aware Petunia’s is a sore spot for her, which again, in another time he will have taken that into consideration, but not this time. Petunia is a link to Severus, the man who was hunting them down like animals. ‘’She’s… gone’’.

               ‘’Dead?’’ That couldn’t be possible, Severus was too infatuated with that horse face since they were young, long before James even met them. He is not sure what does he look on her but whatever Petunia’s is doing, is working to keep herself safe. He should have killed her too, he’s sure she has done her part by feeding Severus’ ears with the old tales of those old days. In any case, Petunia cannot be dead.

               ‘’No! Of course no. She’s alive, I can hear her heart beating’’ It’s the only relief Lily applies to herself when her anxiety eats her alive. It is nice to hear it, like a lullaby; it reminds Lily regardless of the circumstances, of the changes in their lives and the different choices each of them had taken, they will always be sisters. Petunia can throw a fit as much as she wanted to, but her blood and Lily’s will be connected, after death even. Lily finds particular pleasure on this fact, Severus may be her husband and father-to-be of their child, but they could never share the same as Lily had with Petunia.  ‘’she’s there, alive. Most of the time she’s calm but sometimes her heart…’’

               Lily looks away, refusing to explain to her husband how her sister’s heart every few nights beats faster, because she knows the reason, it has a name and last name, the man she detests the most (or at least one of them). ‘’She’s there, existing’’. She can’t tell exactly what she is doing, or where, it has become more and more difficult trying to access her mind. Petunia must hate her so much to the point of locking her out of her mind.

               ‘’…I have heard some rumors of, well, the usual’’ James continues on the same tone. ‘’About some magic families dying, some even serving to you know who’’. He hates pushing her through the edge and making her worry, principally because that woman does not deserve his wife’s concern.

               ‘’Don’t put more ideas on my head’’ Lily’s breath hitches for a moment, and immediately James puts a hand on her back as support. ‘’Don’t you think I have the same worries? I told you to come with us years ago, and she said no. And now with the baby…’’

               ‘’…Petunia is expecting?’’ The First General was having offspring? Oh no, no. that could not be. James needed to kill that child, if the father was a demon, that son of his was destinated to follow his steps. A child of a murderer who’ll be raised with this mindset. ‘’I did not know you’ll be coming an aunt, you didn’t mention it’’ James offers a smile that he is not feeling but knows he must, to appease his wife. ‘’It would had been nice for Harry to have a cousin’’ He’ll never, ever, allow the son of those traitors ever be near his son, but that’s something his wife does not need to know.

               ‘’Well, it isn’t a joyful news’’ Lily feels Severus had marked and stained her sister permanently by impregnating her. ‘’I doubt I’ll ever meet my nephew and niece’’ and James is sure about it. Lily will meet a corpse, that’s all. It was only fair, wasn’t it? Severus had killed countless mothers and babies. Why would life give him the chance to hold in his arms his own flesh and blood when he had taken away so many innocent lives?

               ‘’Only time will tell’’ If they could only access to them, James just knew Severus will surrender, and if by any chance, he chooses his owner over his wife and child, at least James could make him suffer. Under those cold eyes there was a man, with weakness and fears. Like the rest of them.