Lost

Chapter 5

While school, despite the warnings Petunia received, she tried her best to stay away from Lily. It didn’t mean she hate her, didn’t mean she didn’t see her as her sister, but she was hurting and to avoid any confrontation or to say and do anything that she couldn’t take back, she draw a line between them and Potter’s gang.

               Unfortunately, that didn’t mean Lily could understand her limits. She couldn’t force her to be with her during school but there was a whole different matter at home when they were back in summer.

‘’You should be more careful with whom you get involved with’’ Petunia heard her sister mention over a breakfast they were having with their parents at home. Immediately she freezes in her seat, looking in Lily’s direction with nothing but hurt and anger in her dark eyes. Why would she have to mention her business in their presence?

               ‘’Huh? Petunia? Was it your sister saying? With what kind of people have you been hanging around?’’ If Petunia didn’t want to listen to Lily, then he should be listening to their parents too. This was not her fault, her sister pushed her to this.

               ‘’Petunia! That was the first I said to you when we sent you!’’ His father slammed a fist on the table, startling Petunia to the point of dropping her toast and spilling half her milk glass. ‘’I was clear when I said no funny business!’’

               ‘’I am not doing anything disgraceful’’ dangerous yes because there were many things she was doing without an adult’s supervision, but she was forced to. She can’t learn at the same pace as the rest of her classmates, they are advanced, so Petunia needed to work double, and if that meant hurting herself in the process, then so be it, but this was her decision only and had nothing to do with none of her friends. She has no idea what Lily is implying. ‘’And there is no funny business’’.

               ‘’Isn’t? Then why your sister is saying otherwise? Have you been hanging around with boys? Alone?’’ But why was more important what Lily had to say than her own opinion? She never bothered her, whatever her sister did, it was her business alone, Petunia did not care, why did Lily couldn’t do the same?

               ‘’No! I have not! Whenever I’m not in classes, I’m studying. You can ask any of my professors’’ she may not be the best in her class but she was the one that worked the most. You can’t be untalented and clumsy at the same time is what she’s being told since she can have use of her memory. ‘’I’m trying my best’’.

               ‘’Is your best studying till midnight in the library with Severus?’’ Snitch. Petunia dug her nails over her palms until she bled. Why is Lily bringing this up? She surely does who knows what with James too when they are out of school or in break times, and? No one makes a big deal out of it. ‘’Sometimes is with Severus, sometimes with someone else. They aren’t even from your same house!’’

               ‘’Petunia!’’ His father’s voice doesn’t quite terrorize Petunia this time because the attack was not only against her but Severus and that was a big mistake. ‘’Those are not the values we have taught you!’’

               Her father and mother continued ranting about her. Lily did not look satisfied or smug about the situation but was neither regretful, if anything, she looked like a parent who seemed hurt for disciplining a child but still was firm about her decisions.

               In the other hand, Petunia was fuming. How could Lily imply Severus would be anything but discourteous to her? When he’s been nothing but helpful and supportive.

               You didn’t understand this lesson? Don’t worry Petunia, I did, we can go through it again if needed.

               I know it’s difficult, but I’m sure you can do it, trust in your magic a little more, you can do this. You are a witch.

               No crying Petunia, no everyone can do it on the first try, it’s there, you just need to find it. It’s okay. We have time, do not stress yourself on this. You are not the problem. It is not the end of the world.

               Oh no. Lily did not just accuse him of being either disrespectful or lustful towards her. ‘’Quiet! All of you!’’ Even Lily did not have time to shield her parents on time when Petunia had a bad magic reaction, sending a powerful blast through the kitchen, knocking their parents off their chairs, Lily was barely saved by her own magic but still got several cuts on her soft hands because of the broken glasses and plates.  ‘’You don’t know him, you can’t judge him if you don’t who he is! you should not be speaking at all of the business that is not yours!’’

               Petunia was not the type to stand her ground, she hated confrontation, and her best weapon was ignoring whatever source was hurting or bothering her, but when they get Severus in the equation, that’s a different territory. ‘’Petunia!’’

               ‘’Shut up!’’ Petunia yelled; it was so strange. Her sister was not as pretty as a little doll but she did act like one. She’s composed, and introvert. Thinking twice before opening her mouth. Well-tempered. ‘’Snitch!’’ Petunia yelled one more time to Lily before kicking the table and storming away from the kitchen and direction to her room, uncaring if she had hurt her parents or no, there was simply too much anger in her at this moment to care.

               Always Lily is right, she’s the only that can have the reason. Petunia can’t, Petunia is too stupid. Petunia is not at the same level as her and thus, cannot be telling the truth. No fair since they were the same age, Petunia was even born a few minutes earlier than Lily, she was technically the older sister, and somehow, he ended up treated like someone else’s daughter.

               She kicked her door open and locked it. If Lily dared to come here, who knows what she could do. Probably not much, her magic sucks when attacking but well. She was not supposed to do what happened in the kitchen either. Who knows.

               The Lily of the present also remembers this situation. Her adult version doesn’t seem to regret it still, she wishes she could have been wiser to have this situation played out much better. If she just hadn’t insulted Severus… Perhaps she could have pressured Petunia somehow differently, with the help of her parents they could have put her back in line, and she would be right here in there, she may not be useful in war and may be a burden carrying with someone who can’t defend herself, but at least she would know she was safe and untouched with Lily.

               That marked a before and after in their relationship, since Petunia refused to speak to her after the incident, she felt the bond with Lily, as thin and precarious it was, broke in that moment. When traveling back home or school, Petunia would hardly give an acknowledgment to her parents before turning around and getting herself in the farthest seat she could find with Severus and their friends.

               At the same time James’s gang harassed Petunia for the pain she was causing to Lily and as terrified as Petunia was, she was still angry.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Petunia is invited to dine out by Narcissa tonight. Lucius and Severus wouldn’t be available just yet, and she just knew her friend would be isolated one more time and the thought just didn’t sit well with her. It wasn’t fair for Petunia, she shouldn’t be categorized in the same way as the rest of the muggle-borns, Narcissa didn’t find a good logic behind it but she just couldn’t think of Petunia the same as the animals she’s been hunting down these last years.

               They had advised Severus about this, gave him the location and as if that wasn’t enough, there was a security team close to them if chaos arose, hopefully, it won’t be today, especially since the place they were going had been conquered lost time ago and it’s been a two years an half since the last time any rebel movement has detected.

               Though the issue is not exactly the rebels…

               Petunia is wearing a thick coat and makes sure to cover her head and face with the hoodie. It is unknown if she could be recognized by any pureblood family, and it is also unknown how many people knew about her marriage to Severus. Anyone may find it therapeutic to attack her for being a muggle-born.

               That’s why the security team is following close behind, in any case, Narcissa was also there with her, it should ease the possibilities, but someone cannot be safe enough sometimes. ‘’Hope you are hungry’’ Narcissa comments as they make their way to the restaurant, to a now exclusive zone to be specific, far enough for the rest of the diners.

               ‘’A little, yes’’ Not particularly, she thinks, distracted, her eyes drinking around her. What has happened?

               Everything, from the streets to the establishment looked… gloomy. She could feel an air of sadness filling everything, like a reminder of all the massacres that surely happened. It’s like a call straight to her soul, hearing laments and cries. It makes Petunia nervous, her hand trembles slightly when picking up the glass of water, drinking as slowly as possible. ‘’Feeling okay?’’ Her friends asks softly, concern showing in her eyes.

               ‘’Absolutely’’ Petunia asks, voice quiet but firm. ‘’It’s a pretty place, I missed eating here’’ She recalls assisting to this place before and it had nothing to do with the cozy ambience they used to have.

               The owners are not the same. The servers are not human but elves. The pictures that used to be hanging on the walls are gone and replaced by expensive wallpaper. The cutlery is different, silver instead of wood. The menu has changed, no more muggle-inspired dishes or drinks, and instead of happy voices filling the restaurant, there was blue music in the background. The name is not the same.

               Her favorite restaurant has changed.

               The world was changed.

               And the person who was part of the said change was sitting in front of her, chatting happily with her about what they should do afterward. Petunia’s heart beats quite fast in her chest, her mind processing a thousand thoughts about how many people had died here and how. Still, her face and aura remain impassive, her friend may only feel she’s a little overwhelmed from going outside after five long years of captivity.

               Poor Petunia, Narcissa thinks. It’s only a shame she was born into the wrong family, otherwise, none of this should be strange to her, this would have been her world since the beginning, perhaps if born from a pureblood family her magic may have been stronger and Severus wouldn’t have been obligated to lock her up, perhaps she may have been part of the war too.

               In any case, what’s done is done, there was no power in the world that could change the way some intrinsic facts were. What they can do is be careful with her, Petunia doesn’t know but she’ll be the target of several attacks, from both sides if someone asks Narcissa, this is absolutely unfair since Petunia hasn’t done to harm anyone, on any side. Her prime crime was existing.

               Thankfully, her children will have better luck, since the muggle heritage will be reduced, they will have a better chance in life by having two parents who were wizards. Ultimately, this filth will clean itself as the generations passed, history could be twisted and the records could be modified to show Petunia as a pureblood, it was just a matter of time. ‘’Remind me have far along, are you? I think we should plan a celebration sooner or later’’ For what? Petunia almost finds herself asking, not in a mean way, just… confused.

               ‘’…Two months, three weeks’’. Petunia says automatically. It had gone by so quickly, really, like a blink of an eye, she hadn’t thought much about any names yet. She’s scared deep down as if the heavens will punish her by losing this baby because of her sins and the hurt that has brought to people. Absently she takes a hand to her belly. ‘’We can have a small gathering, would be nice’’. For the four of them. There is no one else to invite. No relatives on either side, the only people they had and trusted were the Malfoys.

               Even when the food is brought, Narcissa tries to keep the conversation alive and Petunia out of her slumber. She’s dissociating, with unknown thoughts in that pretty head of hers. It broke her heart, really, Petunia may not be the most extrovert girl she had known, but she was… brighter, happier, with a nice smile on her lips, a couple of shining eyes, hungry for learning new things, marveling herself when discovering or practicing.  ‘’Let’s go shopping after this. We could find some supplies for the baby’’ That seems to catch Petunia’s mind back to the present.

               ‘’It wouldn’t be too early?’’ what if she loses them?

               ‘’Never too early. Having kids is… messy sometimes, you never have enough of anything, and sometimes you have too much of what you do not need’’ Satisfied with how Petunia seems now, Narcissa continues. ‘’I can write down a list for you, look for a few things for starters. Which reminds me… How are your symptoms?  Nothing too stressful I hope?’’

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

What does make Severus Snape special? Many wonders. He was born with no titles nor an important last name to hold onto, and where was he? Sitting next to their Dark Lord’s side. How could her loyalty be considered lesser than the loyalty of a half-blood?

               A half-blood! Someone with muggle’s blood flowing through his veins, raised in a shameful hybrid environment, with muggle and magic customs. It’s disgraceful. And still, he earned a place far too high in this food chain. Severus Snape, first and only of his name.

               For example, today. He’s been locked up all morning with Lucius Malfoy. Lucius is another matter because for once she’s satisfied her sister hadn’t been married off to a mediocre wizard, Lucius had proved himself to be a great element in war and has been taking care mostly of the political face of the country, backing off the efforts and accusations of the rest of the world when addressed the ‘’dictatorship’’ that had been imposed, which was nonsense. There is no such thing as a dictatorship, Lucius had declared several times. Their country simply worked differently, it was a cultural affair that must be respected. Bullshit, of course.

               Anyway, Lucius was a different case, he deserved all the greatness he had been achieving lately, and to be recognized as what he was, he was a pureblood, a worthy successor of the Malfoy’s name, he was born for the success he had, and if that wasn’t enough, they were family.

               When she comes to the Minister of Magic’s office, she finds the same panorama she always finds whenever she comes unannounced: Lucius and Severus discussing in quiet voices as their gazes are glued to Lucius' desk. There must be a map, a list, something that has their schemes written on, but it’s charmed for only Lucius and Severus to see.

               There are some empty wine glasses and dishes somewhere in the office, taken away by elves the moment Bellatrix steps into the room. ‘’Busy morning?’’

               ‘’Yes, busy morning, busy week, month, and year’’ Lucius answers and just as Severus, he doesn’t take his eyes off the desk. ‘’Need help with anything?’’ He doesn’t mean to kick her out but her visits are not out of filial intention and when Severus is present here, it is obvious the tension she generates despite Severus being as civil as possible.

               ‘’Visiting only’’ she answers vaguely, looking around the room, touching whatever she feels like, much to Lucious irritation. He hates when people lack respect toward his belongings, especially Bellatrix who seems to be the owner of this office and not him, unfortunately, there is little he could do to stop her without making and scandal. Her visits are short and not regular, he can endure her for a few minutes, for the sake of his wife. ‘’Didn’t know you had company’’ She did. Again, the tension rises, Lucius is well aware that here it comes a supremacist comment thrown directly against Severus. Lucius back and forward between the two of them, ready to extinguish whatever fire that may rise up. ‘’If I had known this mudblood would be here striking the place, I wouldn’t have come at all’’.

               Severus hears but doesn’t acknowledge her in any moment. For him, this sort of aggravation weren’t uncommon and along with Petunia, they had suffered them all their life. You can get used to them, though at this time these insults aren’t common (not when directed to him) but again, he feels Bellatrix is somewhere far from him, he can barely hear her nonsense, like the buzz of a fly or a mosquito, annoying but still unable to pull any reaction from Severus.

               Whatever that comes out from Bellatrix’s mouth is worthless. ‘’Your words are not appreciated’’. Lucius is aware Severus is not a pureblood, but his value is much higher than those who were blessed to be born from parents who were full witches or wizards. When they say the word mudblood, because they still say it, they never think Severus or Petunia will fall in this category, but again, this is something only his wife and him were aware of. ‘’If there isn’t anything useful for you to say, please leave my office, Narcissa is at home, go talk to her’’ And leave us the fuck alone.

               ‘’I believe Severus is man enough to defend himself. Or does he need his little boyfriend to come and save him?’’ Severus heard her talking but he isn’t registering any of her words, it would be a waste of time taking any of her bullshit seriously.

               ‘’We may need to get a few patrol parties in this area this week, a mere precaution since there were spots… Lucius?’’ When Severus finally gives them a piece of his attention, is only finds both of them already at each other’s throat, unsheathed wand and a murderous expression on Lucius’ face. ‘’…’’.

               ‘’Stay out of this! It’s a family matter!’’ Bellatrix barks out pushing deeper the tip of her wand against her brother-in-law's neck. She wouldn’t dare to harm him, and sadly Lucius wouldn’t either, all for the love they shared for a single woman, Narcissa.

               ‘’Severus is a part of my family, and different from you, he was invited here!’’ he’s always welcomed in this office and at the Malfoy’s Manor but couldn’t say the same for her sister-in-law.

               ‘’Are you out of your mind? One thing is to work with him because our Dark Lord says so, one very different is to grow close to him! To consider him one of our own is absurd! Does Cissy know about this…?’’

               ‘’Yes, she knows since she and I agreed to make Severus and his spouse Draco’s godparents.

               Severus massages the space between his eyebrows, suppressing a sigh, yes, that wouldn’t be a nice conversation. They decided to keep it a secret for the time being, it would eventually brought to light, and now that their world seemed to be ‘’going back to normal’’, they didn’t find a reason to keep hiding it.

               However, Severus wanted to save up the hustle and the drama that would come afterward, especially from Bellatrix when she found out about all of this. ‘’…Would you like some time to work this out? I can come later’’.

               ‘’That would be nice, yes, sorry about this… situation’’. Whatever that Bellatrix has to say, Severus is not part of it, more insults will come and there is no time for it, no if he wants to finish this and come home before midnight.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

This time Severus doesn’t it make it for dinner or home, but he lets her know in advance, this way Petunia wouldn’t have a crisis for not having any news of him. She can communicate now with Narcissa freely, thankfully but he warned her to be wise. In any case, it is too late to bother her with her nuisance, and after a lovely evening together, Petunia seems to be a little more at ease.

She drinks some soothing tea like every night, takes a bath before going straight to bed, and lays on Severus’ side as an attempt to comfort herself, she even picks up his sleeping robes and wraps herself around them.

               Severus’ job is demanding, especially during the first years when… It doesn’t matter. Severus said he would be spending more time home from now on, especially now with their pregnancy, he’s trying, Petunia wouldn’t reproach him anything anyway. She knows how exhausting and dangerous his job after all was.

               After a few hours, sleep takes her, this time easier than other times. Somehow, she feels his life is coming back to a new routine, it will never be the same once it was, but it’s something, she only wanted to have a touch of normality back.

               Dreams are not unusual, nor are nightmares. In Petunia’s nights she’s having insomnia or horrible dreams, having true rest only when Severus was with her, which couldn’t happen all the time, tonight for example, for some silly reason Petunia thought there could be also rest after her meeting with Narcissa, since her chest felt content after having some ideas about preparing a nursery in the closest room to theirs.

               ‘’Petunia?’’ She heard a voice talking to her, it sounded far from where she was, but still she could recognize it immediately.

               ‘’Lily? Is it you?’’

               ‘’It is. You are alive? Are you well?’’

               ‘’Lily, where are you?’’ She hears her sister snorting.

               ‘’If I tell you, Severus will be here in a blink of an eye’’.

               ‘’no, he wouldn’t, he said he would not harm you’’.

               ‘’Stupid as always, I see’’ Petunia does not feel angry about the insult, she has grown numb to them, especially when it is Lily who does it.

Petunia sees herself sleeping in their bed, using her husband’s nightrobe as a blanket. This is her room, and she is not sure if she’s dreaming or if it’s a projection. ‘’Can you see me, Lily?’’ Petunia asked anxiously.

               ‘’You are in a room?’’ Lily guesses. She can’t say for sure, everything is really blurry, and barely is able to recognize Petunia’s slender figure.

               ‘’You know where the room is?’’

               ‘’Is that a baby basket, Petunia?’’  She felt the tension in the air but above all, Petunia heard Lily’s shock followed quickly by her angered tone.

               Quickly, she grabs it, holding it close to her chest, as if she could protect her unborn child from any harm by instinct when speaking to Lily. ‘’No, it isn’t, it is not, it’s nothing’’.

               ‘’You let him impregnate you, Petunia? You really…? After all he had done? He killed Sirius! He maimed Remus and almost killed the rest of us! He’s a murderer, Petunia! He…! And…! You can’t…!’’ Lily’s voice loses strength and then comes back, but Petunia doesn’t want to hear her anymore, and the connection starts weakening.

               She’s relieved she’s alive but again, Lily’s is crossing boundaries that Petunia set up for a reason. ‘’No!’’ Petunia yells back at her, covering her ear with one hand and bringing the Moses basket closer to her chest. ‘’Stop it! They hurt us first!’’ Severus is a good man, he was defending them for what they had done to them. If been another option, Severus would have taken it. If only there was a war, things would be different.

               They would have set up their small potions business if only life would be gracious.

               ‘’You stop defending them! They never hurt you! They were good people! Their issues with Severus had nothing to do with you!’’ It’s been so many years and still Lily does not seem to understand Petunia’s decisions. Why did she continuously decide to choose Severus over them? When they were children, teenagers, and now adults. ‘’We are family, Petunia! You were supposed to be on my side, our side!’’ Maybe Petunia didn’t know how to fight but there were different things she could have helped them with.

               ‘’They hurt me!’’ Petunia yelled, fed up with Lily’s accusations, tired of not being able to tell her the truth. ‘’They are bad people! They hurt and humiliated anyone who was considered lesser than them! Ask them, Lily!’’ Petunia says, leaving her anger unleashed because she is not sure if it is a dream or not. ‘’Ask them! They are monsters too!’’ Lily has lived criticizing Severus’ behavior and beliefs but not once she has ever stopped to look around her and see what her friends and husband actually believed, how they acted to the rest of the people.

               Lily is still talking but Petunia can’t hear much of her, she feels a discomfort that turns into a sharp pain in her lower belly, enough to make her bend and release a whimper, dropping the basket in the process. There is an unusual wetness in her genitals and when she takes a step back she sees a small puddle of blood beneath her. ‘’Petunia! Petunia! Are you all right? Answer me!’’ Lily continues yelling but Petunia does not answer her, she doesn’t want to hear her anymore.

               -ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Their home is sunk in shadows, Severus notices as soon as he materializes himself in the living room, immediately he feels something is off. Petunia, ironically, was not an admirer of the darkness and always made sure to keep their home well-illuminated in warm candles at night. It is late but not enough to think Petunia has gone back to bed, especially not when she knew at what time he would be arriving.

               There is anguish settling in Severus’ stomach, his feet move faster than his mind. The first thought that comes to his head, is that Petunia has reached the bottom of her depression. She has done something absolutely stupid because she’s grieving, and mourning people do not think, they feel, and what Petunia is feeling is nothing but confusion, sorrow, and despair.

               And Severus hasn’t been there all this time because, well, it is difficult to be a husband and a mercenary at the same time. It’s complicated to be burning entire villages and still needed to be at home before dinner, he’s trying, alright? He does, because he can swear loyalty and fidelity to his all powerful Dark Lord, but in the end, he hadn’t sacrificed the purity of his life in his name, nor has decided to doom his soul with the blood of his victims because of him.

               He did it for her.                            

               All of this was not because he wanted fortune, fame, and power, without Petunia at his side, all he has will taste like ashes. His meaning and purpose are brought by a single person. What’s the point of being Severus Snape, First General, as strong as he was, as influential as he was if he was not able to save his wife from herself?

               Severus knew how to kill, and was an expert on it, in magical and muggle ways, discreetly and grotesquely, depending on his mood, he may have a few tricks in the healing arts but when it came to mental health, he was lost. ‘’Petunia!’’

               For the first time ever in his life, Severus is left on the other side. He has lost count of how many families he has destroyed and ruined, the times he has seen the souls vanishing from bodies because of him came to his mind because in the beginning, he did feel a strange, funny feeling, of what would the husband, parents of children think when they returned home to find their love one dead.

               It is never remorse, because Severus has always thought, it is them or us, there is simply no other choice, but in this precise moment when he felt Petunia had left him to a place Severus couldn’t reach yet, he really felt something: fear. ‘’Petunia!’’ He calls her again but there he doesn’t hear her voice answering back.

               He slams their door open and finds a peculiar scene.

               Petunia is there, breathing, very likely alive, safe and sound, she’s knitting but also has a few of Severus’ coats scattered around the place, but aside from that, there their room seemed to be in a perfectly organized way, he notices there are some objects that were here before, baby clothes and supplies but still those are carefully piled up in the couch.

               Before he has the chance to see what’s wrong with Petunia, his wife stands up from her side, running towards him. ‘’Severus? Are you injured? Why were you yelling? Are you bleeding?’’ Her hands are no longer cold but warm and soft, pretty sure she just applied some body lotion, lavender, her favorite one.

               ‘’…I thought…’’ but Severus's mind is a little cloudy, the adrenaline slowly leaving his body, leaving his poor heart in peace. ‘’you didn’t light up any candles’’ It sounds stupid but he wasn’t wrong. ‘’I thought something had happened to you’’.

               Petunia shakes her head, half smiling with tenderness, calming down now she’s confirmed Severus is in perfect state, not even a scratch on his face. ‘’Forgive me, I caught up with my knitting, I didn’t hear you the first time’’ she lies, she isn’t very good at it, so she makes sure to hide her face against Severus’ shoulder when she does it. ‘’I’ll make sure to keep them lighted up next time, okay?’’

               That’s not the point. Severus doesn’t give a fuck about the candles but the fact that if Petunia didn’t light them up was because something happened to her, it’s part of her routine, she changed it, she doesn’t do well with changes, something happened. He’s sure of it, but he can’t find what exactly. He hugs her tightly, she can hear her heart, beating slowly but peacefully, her breathing is normal. She looks even… better than before. Her cheeks had a lovely pink tone this time, her hair seemed not as dull as before, a little more shiny, and her eyes were different, the same color of course, just brighter. And her skin was… glowing slightly. ‘’Are you alright?’’ Petunia asked, her tone again sounding concerned.

               Severus stares at her as he feels the back of her hands touching her forehead, looking for a fever. ‘’Are you?’’ Petunia tilts her head as if she doesn’t know what Severus implying was.

               ‘’Me?’’ She says, innocently, confused. ‘’I’m doing well?’’ as well as this situation could allow it. ‘’I have a loving husband, a lovely house, food on my table, and a baby in the way. Why wouldn’t I be fine?’’ Severus examinates her with a sharp eye, and Petunia subtly escapes from his inspection, if he looks her in the eye and uses legeremancy, she will not be able to hide anything from him.

               Petunia is an open book and Severus knows every single of the chapters writing in her, has memorized every page by now. ‘’Look! This is what I have done so far!’’ She turns away as soon as she has the chance and climbs to their bed, only to bring back with her a half-done blanket. ‘’It’s for the baby. I’m trying to knit your house’s emblem but it’s easier to be said than done’’ Severus continues watching her, still not sure how to address what’s hurting her because this time he can’t point exactly what it was.

               ‘’Blanket for the baby?’’ He says automatically, half climbing to the bed before sitting. ‘’It wouldn’t be easier to not handmade it?’’

               ‘’No’’. Petunia says stubbornly, her eyebrows furrow in concentration. ‘’It wouldn’t be the same’’.

               ‘’No, it wouldn’t’’. Severus says automatically. ‘’Did… did you enjoy your dinner with Narcissa?’’ Severus is not used to this. To the uncertainty. To not having control and to be expectant, kept in the dark, blind, unsure of what will happen next or what has happened before.

               ‘’Yes, pretty place, nice food. Everything was lovely’’. Severus was not sure of letting her go. He isn’t her owner or anything alike, but he feels responsible for how she may react to the changes he personally had done to their world. ‘’though I think I shouldn’t have ordered a dessert, it’s been a time since the last occasion I consumed so much sugar. My stomach isn’t happy’’.

               ‘’That cannot be. Will go and make some tea, just… stay where you are’’. It’s almost cute, seeing Severus in this state of disorientation, but Petunia’s hold on herself straightens and once Severus is out of the room, after almost tripping with his own feet, Petunia is able to take a deep breath.

               ‘’We are gonna go through this, okay? Hold on there’’ She says quietly what if was left of her voice as she patted her own belly. ‘’Give me a chance, I will not let you down’’.