Lost

Chapter 4

‘’How could you sleep a night, Severus?’’ He heard Lily screaming at the top of her lungs, it took great effort for her to stand up, and could barely hold her wand with a broken wrist. ‘’How can you look at my sister’s face and feel no remorse at all?’’ That’s easy, Severus thought.

               ‘’I don’t have time for remorse, Lily, I’m too engaged in making love to your sister when I’m not slaughtering your people. There is no space in my head for such trivialities as remorse or shame.’’

               Over the years, Severus has noticed Lily’s possessive behavior, controlling even over Petunia, and for a long time, he couldn’t do much besides being a supportive person in Petunia’s life to deal with his situation. Lily could charm his way with women and men alike, students and professors, Petunia couldn’t, she wasn’t exactly shy but always used to have difficulties when meeting new people, usually comparing herself to Lily.

               Lily wanted to have it all, but Severus would not let her have his now wife, and he needed to remind her she was no longer her sister. ‘’Pig! Get her name out of your mouth!’’ That seemed to have lit a fire in Lily’s heart. Severus was taunting her, she should have known that since the moment he called her name.

               ‘’I can’t. I love having her in my mouth’’. He just needed to wait for Lily to charge at him, mind blank and yet filled with anger, limiting her sharp mind when her weakness was brought into the conversation. Not his fault this time, she started a battle she couldn’t win, and that was not Severus' fault.

               Lily is not halfway, her twisted hand raised all up with who knows what hex already ready to spill from her mouth against Severus. He sends her back to the ground in half a second, head first, he’s sure he heard her skull cracking and, then motionless, eyes rolled all the way back. She’s not dead, she’s still breathing, sadly, but if she doesn’t die from his own injuries, Severus won’t kill her today, despite as much as he wanted to.

               He promised to Petunia to let her live, and he’s been trying, it’s a complicated situation not to kill a rat when you release it out in the open but then it comes back to your home. Severus needed to keep his territory clean, they were not making it easy. Severus leaves her on the ground, if James is fast enough, he may get her to medical aid.

               Eventually, he turns around, just in case he has the chance to see Lily’s dead, but she’s stubborn and keeps breathing, he turns away from her body with a bothered expression, dusting off his left shoulder. He should change before coming home, his wife could get in a distraught state if he sees him drenched in blood that is not his (she will stress more if it was his of course).

               Lily watches him leave her in the abandoned cave, looks seeing his figure turning smaller and smaller on the horizon, and makes a last attempt to stand up. This man had killed more than a dozen men in twenty minutes, twelve good men with families, they were brothers, sons, and fathers, and Severus just swept them off as the dust of his shoulder, like blowing off the candles of a birthday cake.

               That’s how easy it was. And this same man is going home or to whatever place he’s keeping Petunia captive, to do with her who knows what. She needed to protect her, needed to take her home, in a place Severus could not reach nor touch her.

               Lily is too hurt and tired nevertheless, barely has the strength to lift her head up before falling to the ground again.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

               ‘’I kept the hand in case you would like a souvenir?’’ Lucius said, levitating the just recently cut lim, still holding Remus’ wand in its fingers in front of Severus.

               ‘’I appreciate it, it’s very thoughtful of you’’ Severus says, the corner of his lips lifting softly. ‘’Have you seen where it went Sirius' head by any chance? With all the hustle I didn’t see where it landed’’

               ‘’Mmm…’’ Lucius looked around, two fingers under his chin. ‘’Not sure, will have the boys search the place before leaving, and can get someone to box it up for you if needed’’. Severus nodded, stretching one arm, hearing his shoulder protesting tiredly, they had been tracking this group for over a month, and it had taken them a few nights without sleep already, Narcissa had to head back after three nights in a row. ‘’you should get going, I’ll stay, make sure this mess gets cleaned’’ He offered, after all, Severus stayed late when Lucius feels too exhausted or has an emergency to deal at home.           

               ‘’Offer accepted, see you in the morning’’ Lucius gives him a hum of knowledge before Severus turns around, and without the need of looking he throws a last curse, it lands on a body, and his leg twitches for a moment before finally passing.   

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Petunia sat on the floor, bringing her knees to her chest, staring at her batch of strawberry muffins cooking in the oven through the crystal door. She’s sleepless when Severus is not around, what keeps her awake is not exactly the thought of being attacked in her sleep, is most likely the anxiety to know what Severus is doing, if he’s safe, is he…?

               Often she fantasized about the idea of running away from here, from you know who, her family, and all the people they came to know in the last decade. Just a fresh new start somewhere far away, they could try different names and backgrounds, like in the movies. This way Severus wouldn’t be involved in all of this nasty business, he could be free.

               However, as much as Petunia dreams of it, Severus could never get away from here, he carried the dark mark, there was no place to hide for him, and overall, Severus was not the type of hiding. ‘’Haven’t we talked about this?’’ She doesn’t startle when she feels Severus's kind and cold hand cupping her cheek. ‘’No more tears’’ he says, half scolding but still never pressuring her enough to the point of actually worrying for a violent reaction on his part. He has never even raised her voice at her.

               ‘’Didn’t know you were home’’ Petunia immediately tlood, wiping away all tears with the back of her hand. She shouldn’t be crying, is disrespectful. Severus has worked so hard to give her this life, she should be grateful. ‘’Sorry, I got something on my eye’’ she’s lying and both know it, again, Severus doesn’t press it again, it won’t do her any good, instead, he brings her closer to him, until her head is guided to his shoulder, still sitting on the floor kitchen in front of the oven.

               ‘’Did you eat today?’’ He doesn’t need to ask her if she has sleep anything at all, he can see it on her emaciated, pale face, that she hasn’t.

               ‘’I’ve some tea’’ Petunia hadn’t felt in the mood of passing anything solid, she felt in a slumber state, not able to sleep and rest but neither with the energy to stand up. ‘’and took a bath’’.

               He kept Petunia in his personal fortress for five years before finally moving to the manor. Five years since Petunia has been locked up in this small house, with no contact with the exterior, no calls, no news or any media, magic or muggle. The only person he sees and the only one who can deliver news to her is Severus himself, and there are times when he leaves the house for more than a week, meaning Petunia will stay here completely by herself. It’s not ideal, not what Severus had planned but something, as he had mentioned before, is simply out of their power, and if he could have avoided this, he would have done it in a heartbeat.

               Her depression was not improving, he thought, worriedly as he cradled her head closer to his chest this time. ‘’I’ll prepare dinner tonight, try to have some rest, meanwhile’’. He offered, Petunia did not let him know she heard his order,; she would have fallen asleep. ‘’Petunia, love?’’

               ‘’did you hear anything of my sister today?’’ she asks, her voice small, mumbled against Severus’ chest.

               ‘’Not at all’’ Severus lies naturality. ‘’She must flown away from the country. Don’t worry about her, she’s strong and smart enough to keep herself alive’’ He rubbed her back in soothing circles. ‘’She would be alright’’ She felt Petunia nodding against his chest and then silence again. Perhaps this time she has fallen asleep.

               When he tries to stand up, Petunia pulls him down from his arm, and then he feels her hands sneaking under his coat. ‘’Petunia…?’’ But she doesn’t answer and only places a kiss close to his mouth. Her eyes looked so vulnerable, lacking the usual glee and curiosity she used to have in their school years. ‘’Are you sure? Do you feel comfortable for sex?’’ He asked softly.

               Petunia nodded, she kissed him again, this time on the lips. Severus placed his hands around her waist, returning the kiss first gently, and then giving up to his hunger. Petunia must be touched starved, after four weeks straight of Severus absence. An entire month of relying on anything else but books and her own gloomy and anxious thoughts.

               She must be in desperate need of comfort, physical contact, and validation, Severus is more than happy to fix that. A caress on her hips is enough incentive for Petunia to understand and slowly opens his legs, delicately placing one at each side of Severus’ body, her lilac skirt going up and up as he lets Severus take his rightful place between her legs.

‘’I’ll make it go away’’ Severus doesn’t specify what exactly but Petunia doesn’t ask, all she wants is to feel Severus’ skin against her, to focus on the sweetness of his kisses, the reactions he leaves on and in her body, the safety that brings to her soul every time he’s close to her.

               Severus quickly takes his coat and shirt off and folds it before putting them beneath Petunia’s head when they finally lay completely on the floor. As soon as he’s half-naked, he feels her warm hands running along his chest to end on his neck, marveling from feeling his temperature beneath her fingers. ‘’Enjoying yourself?’’ Severus asked, sliding her sleeping gown from her shoulder.

               ‘’A little, yes’’ It’s been quite a time since Severus came home. She’d been missing him dearly, needed to touch him as much as possible now that he was back, unsure when would be leaving her side and for how much time this occasion, so she touched his chest, neck, back, and everything her hands had at reach as if she could retained Severus to her side for the rest of their lives.

               ‘’Not fair’’ He had his own needs too, desires only Petunia was the only able to satiate. Petunia suppressed a moan when finally, finally, Severus touches her. He’s soft, and gentle, and she quickly pulls him towards her, desperate to be kissed.

               It feels great when he’s finally sheathed, Petunia’s body is welcoming, and he can feel her nails slightly digging into his skin when the first thrust comes. ‘’Feeling good? No pain at all?’’ Severus stops for a moment, putting a leash on his pleasure to ensure his wife’s comfort. They haven’t been intimated for a while, perhaps they should have done some foreplay…

               But then he feels Petunia biting his neck and understands everything is going exactly as it should be.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Narcissa sincerely liked Petunia. They met in her first year but their friendship evolved gradually. They came from two different worlds and she needed to be careful to whom she extended her friendship, there is nothing worse in this world than to be paid with the wrong coin.

               Perhaps that was what she liked about Petunia. She was ignorant but not stupid. She didn’t know much of the rules of their world and was double cautious about it, careful with what she said or did, willing to hear when giving advice or was put in her place. She watched, listened, and learned without complaint.

               Petunia adapted to their world and did not expect the other way around, which was a mistake many muggle-born made and that often enraged the pureblood community. ‘’He’s grown so much’’ Petunia says as soon as Draco is handed to her arms. The toddler has this frown on his little and tiny face, as if he had been waken from his nap and seemed offended against the entire world, only calming himself when he's bounced on this stranger’s knee to keep him happy.

               ‘’How would you know? This is the first time you met him!’’ Narcissa says, half annoyed. ‘’I swear, I’ve lost count of how many times I asked Severus for a chance to see you, or to at least take you out to the exterior. Look at you dear, as pale as a Chrysanthemum, when was the last time you saw the sun?’’

               ‘’Yesterday?’’ They just moved here after five long years of confinement.

               ‘’Let me be precise, before moving to this new home, when was the last time you actually saw and touched real sun?’’

               ‘’I’m not going to answer you that’’ it will make Severus lose face, as if she was a prisoner here when that was not the case. Severus gave her the choice, and Petunia had free will, she could have decided to stay by his sister’s side or to leave by her own and start again somewhere away from the way but she didn’t and she will never badmouth the man who has risked his life for her. ‘’It was for the best, I’d have been a burden to take care of’’ an endless worry on Severus’ mind that could have hindered his work and plans.

               ‘’Well, we have the defense and attack positions well covered but we lack healers’’ Narcissa comments, placing a lock of Petunia’s thick, dark hair behind her ear. ‘’These are still needed on our side’’ Severus helps greatly when he can but he doesn’t have the time and it’s common for him to be unreachable in a mission, sadly losing numerous soldiers, not that their Dark Lord cared at all of course since he could keep recruit them, replacing one after another if required, he’s only mindful with the pieces that cannot be easily replaced, which are frame within a very, very reduced members, surely less than the fingers of a single hand. ‘’We are more leaned to our destructive nature''.

               Which would eventually become a problem. Someday, someone will be irreparably hurt and they won’t be able to do anything besides watching them die, running in circles like headless chickens. ‘’If your family or you ever need healing, I’ll always help, just tell him, I’m not an expert but have learned a thing or two’’. Modesty is always her inherent quality.

               She’s about to say how overprotective Severus is but she doesn’t in the end. War was a heartbreaking affair. It was bloody, violent, ruthless. Something neither Narcissa would want to put her through if it wasn’t needed. ‘’And who’s gonna heal you, Petunia?’’

               ‘’Would you like more tea? I’ve also baked some pastries, let me know if you would like to taste them or if you would prefer the ones Severus purchased from Miss Rivel’s gourmet bakery’’.  Petunia says, pleasantly, leaving Draco in her arms again.

               ‘’Ignoring the problem, it won’t make it go away’’ Narcissa says, patiently. ‘’You and I both what happens with secrets, it’s just a hidden extension of an unsolved issue’’ She’s referring to the harassment she suffered at the hands of the Marauders, thankful one was dead, the other maimed and one-half alive last time they checked.

               ‘’Don’t bring back grim memories Narcissa, he is… he isn’t aware of these unpleasant times’’ Somehow, Narcissa is not surprised about it, if it was for Petunia, she would have kept this secret to herself. ‘’Handmade baked or…?’’

               ‘’Handmade Petunia, handmade’’ Muggleborn and everything, but Petunia could be as stubborn as any of them when she wanted to.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Today Severus goes to work with a smile he’s barely able to hide. ‘’Someone had a good night’’ Lucius comments with a teasing tone as soon as he sees him entering his office, the Minister’s office. Now, he isn’t officially named as the Minister of Magic, but he was in all decisions but names, of course, he only follows his Dark Lord’s orders, and he’s happy to comply. He avoids a lot of headaches this way.

               ‘’Do not ruin my happiness’’ is the first thing he says as soon as he sees his friend’s expression, but Lucius’s eyes say everything.

               ‘’I can tell’’ Lucius basically sings, mischievously. ‘’Well, I’ll make your morning better, I got the head of that mutt all boxed up, it’s in two pieces since you were not exactly kind’’.

               ‘’Kindness is not for everyone’’ Severus’ smile only got wider. ‘’But it’s a nice gesture, I made my Christmas present earlier’’.

               ‘’You got your present last night’’.

               ‘’Oh shut up’’