Lost

Chapter 3

Severus has a small social circle. His main family is Petunia of course, and besides her, they have established a friendship with the Malfoys during their school years, which has flourished and is prevalent in the war, and to this day.

‘’Ah! Petunia! Finally! It has been too long since the last time I saw you! I’m so glad to know you are still in one piece!’’

               Petunia’s smile brightens as soon as she hears Narcissa’s voice from the entrance of the kitchen, followed by the babble of a baby.

 Severus knew how much his wife needed to see the face of a close friend. A much-needed reminder that not everything was lost and that apart from Severus there were still people who cared about her and loved her.

               Severus is perfectly aware of the love his wife still has for his sister, she may not be happy with Lily for her own reasons, but she painfully worries and prays for her safety every single day when she thinks Severus is not looking. He also believes Lily doesn’t deserve such devotion but that’s his personal opinion, and he will never let Petunia know about it. For what reason? He would end up distressing her even further if that was possible.

               ‘’It’s been so long’’ Petunia says, losing herself in the embracement, tears threatening to fall.

               ‘’Thought will be seeing you until our children assist to Hogwarts!’’

Narcissa holds her hands, quietly inspecting them. She can see her fingers are much more slender than she remembered. She doubts she’s been eating properly. Her wrists are thinner, and the bones of her cheeks are showing. No good at all for a pregnant lady, she hides away her disapproval. ‘’Severus, dear, I think I can take it from here’’ Narcissa dismisses Severus, who’s still waiting by the door, next to Lucius.

               ‘’Good morning Petunia, glad to see you too’’. Lucius greets softly from his place once his wife has given her time to breathe. She answered his greeting respectfully but none of them made an attempt of physical contact. Works for everyone, if someone asks Severus. ‘’Have you ever been kicked out of your own house?’’ his friend asks, looking amused.

               ‘’A couple of times only, I’m afraid’’ Severus admits with a sigh. ‘’Let's let them catch up, we have some affairs to discuss’’.

               ‘’More work?’’ This time is Lucius who sighs. ‘’We work every day, from dawn to nightfall…’’

               ‘’The price of helping the Emperor of the World’’.

               ‘’Fair enough, nevertheless…’’ Severus almost hears him with fondness. Almost. ‘’A pretty home you had made by the way’’ he comments on their way to his study. ‘’It will take a few children to fill all the rooms’’.

               ‘’Just one’’ Severus comments.

               ‘’Only one? Why?’’

               ‘’You have no idea how rough a pregnancy or childbirth is, don’t you?’’

               ‘’I know the basics, blame my wife, she kicked me out of the room every time I tried to help’’

               ‘’A wise woman, I see’’. He mutters something under his breath before hearing Lucius sitting heavily on a big, comfy couch.

               ‘’Ah! War is too exhausting’’ He lets his head fall to his side, massaging his neck. ‘’We continue annihilating the plague but these continue to come out of the rocks when we think we have finished. Rats in all the extension of the word’’.

               ‘’That’s why we work every day, from dawn to nightfall’’ Severus comments without heat, looking in his library, sorting books and notebooks. ‘’There are some concerning names still alive out there, we need to act quickly and solve the issue before the end of next month’’.

               ‘’What about our well-deserved Holidays, huh? I should be on paternity leave already’’.              

               ‘’Minerva is alive and has been spotted with a group of rebels in the south’’ Severus continued, unbothered.

               ‘’She’s planning to meet with Alastor there if I’m not mistaken. I have got the perimeter guarded and patrolled but no signs of them passing have been reported yet’’.

               ‘’If you do, kill the rest, keep her and Alastor alive, our Lord will need them’’. At this, Lucius finally opens his eyes, still lazily but with a shine of curiosity reborn.

               ‘’That’s the Potter’s group, isn’t it?’’ They are surprised James had been able to keep up with the constant attacks, sure, they lose at least one member each time but…

               ‘’Mnh’’ Severus is busy writing some notes down.

               ‘’It would mean killing Lily, do you understand the implications? I’ve no troubles with it, however…’’ he will definitely feel he’ll be betraying Petunia.

               ‘’I gave that woman and her family five years’’ Severus says. ‘’Five years she could have used wisely by leaving the continent or hiding in a better place. Her death will be her own fault only’’ Nobody asked her to stay close to their quarters.

               ‘’They were out of our lists for quite a time’’ It’s all that Lucius comments in the end. This is not his business. ‘’Just be prepared, the news will spread worse than wildfire’’.

               ‘’She doesn’t need to know’’ Severus frowns. Lucius shakes his head. She’ll know, eventually. ‘’The truth is what I decide to tell her, nothing more’’. He’s breaking a promise, but he was forced to, is it either Lily and her family or retaliation against Severus and his family?

               Severus has no trouble choosing.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Lily holds Harry against her hip, James going in front of them, Remus at the back. They should be meeting what’s left of the Weasleys around here. They had learned not to stay in a place beyond a couple of weeks, they were constantly moving, escaping, and trying to put up as less of a fight as possible. They were not in good condition, they were starving and injured, outnumbered, and unsafe wherever they went.

Lily admits the hunt for them had potentially decreased, but they wouldn’t there pushing their luck. ‘’Stop looking over your shoulder, she’s never coming back’’ James reminds her not as harshly as before but not with the same patience he used to have.

               Part of him blames Petunia for the fate that he and his family had. He’s pretty sure she opened her mouth and spilled all the pranks and aberrations they did to her. By now Severus must be aware of it, and since the man is nuts, it would only add fuel to his thirst for vengeance (as if what had done to him was not motive enough).

               Life has been especially cruel towards them. Many of their people were offered a choice, to be part of the new world. They didn’t. They were straight hunted down like pigs. They wouldn’t have accepted, of course, first were their own ideals and morals, better escaping or dying than ever taking being part of this lunatic’s cult.

               She wonders what Petunia thinks now. What has been of her? Was she well? Has she discovered Severus’ lies by now? Did she still love him? She wouldn’t be able to escape by herself, Severus was far too powerful to commit a mistake and set her free. Petunia was tied to him until Severus decided otherwise.

               What will happen then with her? Would she be discarded like a used toy? ‘’We’ll be camping here for the night’’ James barks to the rest of the members. They are still called the Order, but there were hardly original members alive, most of them were new people they had been recruiting over the years.

Five years of war. Harry hasn’t known a true home all this time. He doesn’t speak, imitating how quiet the rest of them are. James cannot accept this is how they are going to live from now on.

If they survive this night.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Petunia sat next to Severus in the Great Hall. It was one of those hours where they didn’t have classes but still, the salon was primarily empty. There was a tense ambiance ever since the first attacks by Death Eaters were publicly known by the community. Much to Severus’s displeasure, since they were at school, he couldn’t just hide this from Petunia as he would like to. They were in their last year, officially adults.

               ‘’Are you thinking of becoming a healer?’’ Severus asked, watching over Petunia’s shoulder the pamphlets they had been receiving these last months, thanks to their closeness, Severus could smell perfectly Petunia’s perfume, he tried very hard not to take an obvious sniff and get drunk with her scent. It was difficult but he didn’t want to look like a creep. ‘’It would suit you’’. He kindly encouraged her.

               ‘’I don’t know’’ Petunia said. ‘’I know what the requirements are for the application’’

               ‘’You met them. You are a good student, Petunia, you can make it’’. Petunia's magic was poor, sure, but it didn’t make her a mediocre witch, quite the opposite. She knew her weakness perfectly, and instead of ignoring them and pretending they were not there in a pathetic attempt to make them go away, Petunia worked harder than the rest of them, practiced, and tried to fight them off to be on the same level as her Severus.

               She was excellent in potions and did very good work on charms and on non-aggressive spells, however, her Achilles heel was defense and attack and was the signature she struggled with the most. She was not strong enough for it and pushed herself relentlessly to achieve decent results but it always left her weakened, to the point she collapsed once when performing a particular exhausting spell.

               It’s as if her magic left her the more she tried. Severus was there to support her, walked her through, practicing with her, always going easy during their training, but it was obvious she did not have the strength for it, it was not meant for her. She passed with decent grades, sure, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to specialize in it no matter how much she wanted.              

               At some point she accepted it. It’s not the end of the world, and it was not her fault either. Some are born for greatness, as her Severus, and some were born for other things, like her. It’s totally acceptable. Not everyone can be good at everything. She’s used to it.

               Severus genuinely thought she should give it a try, it wasn’t as if she should be immediately put in the department of hexes or great injuries. There is a world out there that she could help with, she’s talented but has grown up with some people telling her the opposite. Not pretty enough, not smart enough, not strong enough. ‘’Let’s see what fate has for us’’ Petunia says quietly.

               She is not preparing seriously for the applications. She won’t be able to attend. No one will be able to attend. There is a war out there, soon they will be sent back home and Hogwarts will close their doors. Life itself as it’s known now will soon disappear and become a pretty dream. ‘’Don’t worry too much about the future Petunia’’ Severus knew what would happen. ‘’If it’s out of your hands, keep it out of your head’’. There was no point for her to worry about a lost war when she was not a soldier.

               That same week the security of their school is broken for the first time in centuries. Students and teachers die alike. James is not sure what’s happening at first, what’s the goal they are looking to achieve in this massacre. It’s mindlessly killing, like a butchery. If hell existed, it pretty much looked like this.

               James, Sirius, and Remus are the first ones to attack back and defend the youngest students who were. Lily follows close behind, not exactly focused of defending as James’s gang was doing, she was most likely searching for Petunia, aware of how useless her sister was when defending herself. Their teachers often commented that sometimes beauty and talent are inherent to one child.

               ‘’Have you seen Petunia?’’ She asks a couple of Ravenclaw’s students who are passing by, probably looking for a good hiding spot while all of this ends, they stop only because Lily has taken one of their wrists in a tight grip, her wand held tightly in the other. ‘’Have you seen my sister?’’

               ‘’No, we haven’t seen her in days!’’ The girl looked anxiously behind Lily, eager to run the hell out of there.

               ‘’Days? What do you mean days?! She never said anything to me!’’ No one did!

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

‘’How much do you trust me?’’ Severus asked, they were relaxing in one of the hills, trying to avoid the grim mood that was held inside the castle, it wasn’t forbidden yet leave it and Petunia would take advantage of fresh air as much as possible.

               ‘’That’s a silly question’’ Petunia said, lying on the grass, enjoying the cold wind of Autumn caressing her face. ‘’with my life, of course, nevertheless, you know that’’

               ‘’Mmn…’’ He was lying on his side, with a hand under his chin, admiring Petunia’s peaceful face. ‘’If I tell you to run, will you run?’’

               ‘’That depends, if you are running after me, maybe?’’ She still doesn’t open her eyes. Severus hums again and that makes her feel a shudder under her skin.

               ‘’Can you run when I tell you to?’’

               ‘’Severus?’’ she opened an eye then, looking at him with curiosity and worry. He looked very handsome, with the sunlight hitting directly on his face, his thick and long eyelashes framed a couple of those innocent eyes that a long time ago stopped being innocent. ‘’It’s something wrong?’’

               ‘’Petunia, how much do you love me?’’

               ‘’With all my heart’’ she said immediately, rolling to her side, intertwined her fingers with Severus’ free hand. ‘’My love, what’s happening?’’ Petunia heard the rumors about Severus, however, there were rumors about her too, and her friends and basically the whole school, and a lot of them were false. Why would she hear them speak ill of Severus and believe it? If she had known Severus long before Hogwarts, they didn’t.

               ‘’You have to trust me’’ Severus couldn’t tell her much sadly but it was for their own good. There will be a moment and time to speak, not here and not that day. ‘’That’s why I’m asking you, do you trust me?’’

               ‘’Of course I do, like I said, that’s a silly question’’ Petunia will be facing a lot of gossip soon, about her participation in the attack to her collaboration with the Lord’ Dark army. ‘’I know I can put my soul on your hands and no harm will come to me’’ She said, giving him a peck on the lips.

               ‘’Good’’ Severus said, his hand kindly caressing Petunia’s right cheek. ‘’that’s all I needed to hear’’

               Petunia opens her mouth again, her worry and anxiety growing to exponential levels, but Severus is there, kissing her softly, trying to ease her fears, she feels a hand resting on her waist, grounding her. She’s so absorbed in the affections Severus is giving her that she doesn’t quite catch a whispered word Severus has said.

               It doesn’t matter though. After hearing it, Petunia doesn’t worry about a single thing. There is a warm spreading through her body, it feels like being wrapped in a wool, fluffy blanket after being in the snow for a long time. The sound of the waves disappears along with the whistle of the wind, there are no birds singing, no more of Severus' voice, and none of his fears for what could happen soon, war or not. There is only a slight buzzing noise in her ear, very gentle.

               ‘’Stand up’’ Severus commands, Petunia obeys dutifully. It feels so very wrong doing this, after all he has done so far, this is one of the most unpleasant things he has been forced to. ‘’Go back to my home. Like when we were children, lock yourself in the old closet located in my room, you know where to find it’’. Petunia is silent and she gives the first step, Severus can’t help but hold her hand out of anxiety. Petunia’s expression is soft when she looks at him.

               Holding her chin, he leaves one more kiss on her lips, cradling both of her hands in his, touching her forehead with his own, looking down, breathing carefully. ‘’Please forgive me, Petunia’’.

               ‘’I forgive you’’ Petunia says automatically and then returns to being silent. Severus looks at her again. ‘’Forgiven’’.

               ‘’Will be back as soon as possible, I swear. Don’t open the door to anyone, stay in the closet until I come there for you’’. Petunia nods one more time. ‘’Now, run’’.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Lily should have been indicated immediately if something had happened to Petunia. There is no other relative by blood, if she was injured, sick or lost, Lily should have been the first person to be informed about it! ‘’Fuck!’’ Lily releases her classmate, aware that there is no more information to be provided now.

Fine, fine then. She’ll make sure to survive, then she’ll track her sister down. At least she is not in the castle, that’s a good thing if she looks the bright side. This way she can focus on the battle…

Severus is across the room, he looks concentrated on his task, which is eliminating as many students as possible, especially vicious toward Gryffindor ones. They looked at each other for a moment. ‘’You bastard’’ Lily murmurs low enough to barely hear herself, but still, it brings Severus’ attention to her. A younger Lily would have thought he would turn a blind eye to her, but Severus didn’t.

               The fucker sent a cruciatus curse right to her feet as a warning. It doesn’t stop Lily from attacking back, running towards him in a fit of rage. ‘’Where is she? What have you done to her!?’’

               Couldn’t this woman be any louder? Come on! Yell her name already! Let the rest know about our weakness! Give them her name and her affiliation with us! Of course, Severus keeps his mouth shut, dancing in a duel with her. He would be lying if he said he wouldn’t want to hurt her.

Severus wanted Lily's death so badly, he wanted to kill James, Sirus, and Remus too, he held an indescribable resentment and hatred towards them, for all the injuries and scars they left on him, physically and emotionally, however, they did not represent an obstacle on his relationship with Petunia, Lily did.

               He wanted all of them dead, but Lily was an urgent case, and the only reason he hadn’t done it, it was because it would hurt her breakable’s heart. ‘’What nasty tricks have you pulled on her?’’

               Well, that hurt, because he had pulled some illegal and nasty trick on Petunia. Not because Petunia wouldn’t have obeyed her by her own free will, but the less she knew the better, if interrogated (not that he would let it happen), and in general, he’s sure what they think of Petunia. They may want to torture her to obtain answers, answers Petunia did not have. ‘’Severus! You bloody traitor!’’ Is the first thing James said to him as soon as he sees Lily flying across the room, landing on one of the tables, were they were eating not long ago.

               Lily is disoriented but pushes away James as soon as he comes to help her. ‘’Get off me! He took Petunia! I’m gonna kill him myself!’’

               Severus looks at them with bored eyes, almost annoyed. These clowns came here, pretending to be heroes when they couldn’t take care of their own asses.

               Pathetic.